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You Will Not Kiss Me	By : Prosperosdaughter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 22836 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
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Chapter 60: A Doe amongst Wolves

Snape and Dumbledore sat in silence opposite each other, both contemplating how they could deal with the Dark Lord's order to Snape. Dumbledore straightened in his seat and took a deep breath.

"I cannot deny that Voldemort is correct: Harry must be taught Occlumency."

"But not by me, surely, Albus!" Snape interrupted, a hint of desperation in his tone. He knew full well, breaking open the boy's mind would be child's play for him, and he would have had no hesitation in doing so years ago, especially to one so antagonistic to Snape – it would even have added piquancy to it that it was Potter's whelp. Years ago, breaking minds had been Snape's speciality. It was a torture of pureblood origin so he had perfected it to burnish his Death Eater credentials. The Dark Lord had taught him well. It was the very simplicity of it that horrified him now: how easy, how so very tempting, it would have been to brutalise Potter's mind. Dumbledore held up one hand to silence him.

"He is also correct that it would be unwise for me to teach Harry. I saw Voldemort behind Harry's eyes as he took the Portkey to Grimmauld Place." Dumbledore looked at Snape urgently. "I saw the red eyes of Voldemort pass by in Harry's eyes. Do you have an idea how shocking that was?"

"Yes," Snape whispered, feeling his gut churn at the reminder. Dumbledore's eyes narrowed. "When the wolf fractured from Remus, I saw the beast in his eyes – twice fully, another time, he glided past. His eyes were orange." Snape had not thought of it for so long and he shut his eyes as his chest constricted in remembered fear.

"You understand then the nature that this possession could take. I dare not risk teaching Harry myself. The temptation would be too much for Voldemort. He could capture Harry's mind and use him to attack me and expect me to destroy the boy to save myself."

Snape could not deny that would tempt the Dark Lord, but there were alternatives. "Why not Remus? I have taught him to Occlude."

"Can he Occlude as thoroughly as you do?"

"Possibly not, but he will be able to teach the boy better than I can. You know Potter will learn nothing from me! He is almost as attached to Remus as he is to Black. I'm sure he could teach him."

Dumbledore ran his finger along his pursed mouth in thought. "The work Remus is doing with Idris's pack is vital. If he can consolidate Idris's trust in him, we will then have a safe haven for all werewolves to turn to who do not wish to join Greyback." Dumbledore stood and turned his back on Snape, one hand clasping his forehead in thought.

"It is not well known in the wizarding world how extensive the werewolf population is. There are a few werewolves like Remus who try – with varying degrees of difficulty - to live amongst us. Prejudicial attitudes and legislation have had the desired effect and chased most away into hiding. There are many, many others that run with packs, outcasts to our society. Few are as peaceful as Idris's pack. Many are of their kind are animalistic, but not violent for the love of it. Then there are those like Greyback - by far the majority, in fact – Dark by inclination or by breeding and training." Dumbledore exhaled. "If Voldemort can command those on the fringes – the edge of Darkness, but not yet Dark – he will have a formidable army of raw power whose hatred can be channelled effectively against us. After all, we have done nothing to endear ourselves to werewolfkind."

"You are saying Remus's mission is too important to give up to teach the boy Occlumency," Snape said, understanding the import, but angry nonetheless.

"Partly, but also, he is not the Occlumens you are."

"There must be others ..." Snape said weakly, knowing there was no-one on the faculty save themselves who possessed the required expertise.

"Quite possibly, but then ..." Dumbledore turned and his gaze pierced Snape's own, "how will you account to Voldemort for your failure to obtain the task?"

"I'm touched by your concern," Snape sneered, but he knew what Dumbledore said was true. He would be punished if he ceded the job to anyone else. Any way he looked at this, he would lose.

"We will need to make a decision before term starts in January."

oooOOOooo

After the pupils had left, Snape and Dumbledore had had long discussions well into Friday night about the next steps to be taken.

There was the issue of the Dark Lord's "friends in the North Sea": the Dementors. Dumbledore had not been surprised that the Dementors were at the ready to do the Dark Lord's bidding, but it was now a question of how and when they would be used. Once the Dementors broke cover, the wizarding world would be sent into a panic. How then would Fudge cover up the Dark Lord's return? Snape wondered. How long would the people remain ignorant.

Dumbledore had also wondered if Idris could now be told of Lupin's connection to Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix. Snape had told Dumbledore that there were two packs who were resistant to Greyback and Dumbledore wanted Lupin to approach them, once Snape had obtained the information on them from Wilkes. Snape was uncomfortable with passing this on. Whilst Lupin and he had had issues whilst Lupin had been with this pack, at least Snape had felt that Lupin was safe. He supposed he had become complacent.

oooOOOooo

Snape had met with Lupin in the farmhouse on the Saturday morning, free of school for three weeks, excited but concerned with developments. They had discussed what Dumbledore and he had discussed. The information about the Dementors and Dumbledore's plans for Lupin forced the issue.

Lupin resolved: this was to be his last weekend with this pack. It was time for Lupin to tell Idris who he was and, hopefully, secure his allegiance, and move on.

oooOOOooo

Snape and Lupin arrived at the encampment and Lupin made his way to Idris, and asked to speak with him. Idris led them to the roundhouse and the three of them sat.

"I have something I need to tell you," Lupin started. Snape admired how calm he was. Snape wasn't at all sure how Idris would react to what Lupin would tell him. Idris eyed Lupin, his eyes narrowing for the briefest of moments, then he rested his hands on his thighs and nodded.

"Go ahead then. Don't beat around the bush," he rumbled.

"I have been here with you over these weeks at the order of Albus Dumbledore." Snape saw a slight hike of Idris's thick brows. "He heads an organisation called the Order of the Phoenix. We re-formed this summer because of the return of ... he you won't name."

A muscle in Idris's jaw worked and his dark eyes flashed. "It's true then? He's back? I've heard it. Wondered, specially when we realised Greyback was trying to find us again?"

Lupin nodded. "I travel from pack to pack to try to persuade werewolves not to join Voldemort and Greyback."

Idris grimaced as Lupin said the taboo name. "No need to persuade us."

"I realise that," Lupin said quietly. "I stayed because this pack seems so strong, so different from the others I have visited. Dumbledore remembered you from school, remembered your gift for Wandsong and knew why Voldemort wanted you back then and now ... "

"Then and now?" Idris interrupted with a question.

"The prefect who trapped you for Vargulf ..."

Idris's eyes became wide in understanding. "Tom Riddle is ... is ... him?"

"Yes," Lupin confirmed quietly. "Vargulf was his werewolf then as Greyback is now."

Idris's eyes screwed shut and his fists clenched and he breathed deeply for a long time. Snape and Lupin said nothing as they waited for the man. Eventually, his eyes opened and he nodded to Lupin.

"You know more?" Idris asked, his voice low.

"We do," Snape responded this time. "Dumbledore has filled in some of the gaps to the story you told Remus."

"I will want to know ... later ... when you finish telling me what you want to tell me now." Idris looked directly at Snape, and Snape thought his eyes looked haunted, for the first time. Snape and Lupin nodded.

"Go on then," Idris growled.

"Dumbledore hoped, as he knows – or rather knew - you, and now knows from me the type of pack you lead, that your pack could be what he calls a beacon of the Light – a pack of safety for werewolves who do not want to join Greyback's ranks but need the security of the pack."

Idris nodded. "Don't ask much, does he?" he grumbled. Snape smirked. Just everything, thought Snape sourly. "Let me think on it."

"Of course," Lupin said gently.

"Tell me. Seth Moore – he really is your mate?"

"He is my mate, yes."

"What you do is dangerous, Remus Lupin. Do you normally take him with you into danger?"

"No. We were on Cadr Idris to spend the full moon together when you answered my howling. If you had not caught Seth's scent, I would not have allowed you to meet him, but not because of the danger. Seth is more than capable of looking after himself. But because our kind do not take kindly to his."

Idris nodded and looked at Snape for a long time.

"Since you're in the mood to tell me things, Remus Lupin, tell me about the mind reading spell you let your mate use on you when you think you're alone." Both Lupin and Snape were surprised by the question, even more so by the gentleness of the tone in which it was asked. When Lupin answered, his tone was measured and quiet.

"Seth is a powerful wizard. You know that now. He is skilled at mind magic. We share our magics – wolf and mind. It is how we express our love." Snape listened, wondering if Idris was taking any of it unkindly.

"How does it sit with you to allow him to take your mind, Remus Lupin?" Snape could see Idris struggled with the concept.

"He does not take my mind, Idris. I invite him in. We share our thoughts and our memories. It can be useful – like when Seth made those potions for werewolves – he could learn from my mind what smells we can tolerate, and what we can't. It also gives us privacy when otherwise we would have none. My mate is a wizard; he needs his privacy even if I don't – he will never be subservient to me. Nor would I want him to be."

Snape wondered if Lupin had gone too far as he watched Idris's bright eyes considering Lupin's declaration. He hoped not. He found he did not want the man to think badly of Lupin. Why he should value Idris's good opinion, he knew not. As Idris watched them intently, Lupin drew Snape to him by his waist and Snape slipped his own arm around his.

Eventually, Idris nodded. "Never seen the like of it before. But then, never seen a Were with a human mate before." Idris stretched his neck from side to side. "So Dumbledore wants to send rogues and ferals and lone wolves who do not want to join Greyback to me?"

Lupin nodded. "His beacon of resistance," he said with a small smile.

"Beacon of bloody resistance," Idris snorted. "So, that's why you were keen to show us defensive magic."

Lupin nodded. "And that's why I need to tell you the truth now. We know more of the allies Voldemort has been successful calling to himself and that he might send to assist Greyback. There are particular defensive spells, quite advanced, Seth and I need to show you. You need to be able to defend yourselves against Dementors."

oooOOOooo

"It should be all the pack – whoever is able to cast the Charm," Lupin said. A few more stragglers joined the pack in the clearing: twenty-seven adults, including some of the older Weres who could still walk and five of the older cubs. Only those too weak or too young did not join the pack, but watched on the perimeter of the large circle the pack made around Lupin and Snape.

"Most of you can cast a shield charm. I have seen you cast Protego. This is the same principle. It acts in its most simple form as a shield. In its complex form – what we call its corporeal form – it takes on the form of an animal – in our case, wolves – and the animal will chase down the Dementor. If we are successful, I will show you how to send messages with it too. A Patronus message will find the person you want, getting through protective enchantments, if necessary."

"Show us," Idris said, "and then tell."

"Expecto Patronum."

The large silver wolf sprang from Lupin's wand and prowled around the pack, many of whom whispered and cooed at its rippling luminescence. Lupin called it back with his wand, and then it dissipated.

"Seth Moore can do this too?" Idris asked.

"Yes," Lupin replied, "although his form is not that of a wolf. With wizards and witches, their corporeal form will reflect some aspect of their nature and it will be unique to them, in most cases."

"Show me, Seth Moore."

"Expecto Patronum," Snape whispered and the silver doe sprang gracefully from his wand and glided through the pack and away to dissipate.

Idris stood looking in the direction the doe had taken, and turned back, looking strangely affected by it.

"Begin, Remus Lupin," he said gruffly, and the whole pack turned expectantly to Lupin, who spoke clearly and slowly, each werewolf's attention focused only on him, as he walked around the pack.

"We speak an incantation. You have already heard it: Expecto Patronum. As you chant it, you must concentrate on a single, strong, happy memory. Each of you, find a memory that is so strong, just the thought of it makes you smile – so strong you cannot stop yourself." Snape saw with secret delight that Lupin's eyes flicked to him. "I don't need to know what your memory is, but if you want to articulate it to focus yourself, then do. Let's begin."

"My cubs," Snape heard Idris whisper roughly, his eyes finding a few of them within the clearing. "Never prouder, or so happy. Expecto Patronum!" A huge wolf sprang from his wand. It didn't lope, or dart, or prowl. It stood its ground, the Alpha Patronus, ears forward, as if willing a Dementor to appear. Snape was stunned. The very first incantation and a powerful, fully formed corporeal Patronus. He caught Lupin's eyes, whose eye brows were raised in surprise.

"Excellent!" Lupin cried, with a huge smile.

Quite a few of others managed a shield form on the second and third time, whilst Idris produced his Alpha Patronus over and over again. Snape and Lupin started to go to each pack member to offer words of encouragement. Within the hour, each of the pack could at least produce a shield form, and quite a few had produced a silver wolf, and Idris was now patrolling along with Snape and Lupin.

"We could break for a while," Lupin suggested.

"We will only break when we have a silver wolf for every werewolf here," Idris growled. Snape could only admire his tenacity, his determination that each of his pack should master this defence. His comment was heard by all the pack, and each who had not so far produced a wolf redoubled their efforts.

It was another two hours before each and every member had produced its corporeal Patronus and was commanded by Idris to produce it over and over again until he was satisfied the charm had entrenched.

"Together," Idris barked and an assortment of vocalisations of the charm was heard and thirty two silver wolves erupted from wands, all different sizes and postures, some standing and some loping or prowling. Idris inspected them all from where he stood: a pack of silver wolves; a match for any amount of Dementors, Snape thought with some pride.

"And you two," Idris ordered, and Lupin and Snape produced their forms. Snape couldn't help feeling awkward as his sleek doe stood out from the lupine masses, but Lupin smiled broadly at the doe.

"She's so beautiful," he whispered to Snape's ear.

"Aye, she is that," Angharad whispered, standing nearest to them, looking at the doe then to her own handsome alpha she-wolf shimmering under the low winter sun, looking around at the other silver forms.

"Seth Moore. Does Remus Lupin's Patronus look like his wolf?" she asked thoughtfully. All the pack turned to Snape for his answer. Snape understood. None would know what they or their pack members looked like when they transformed as they didn't keep their human minds.

He considered Lupin's Patronus and smiled. He knew that wolf well now. "It's identical," he said warmly. There was silence for a while, then chatter erupted from most of the pack as they looked at their own and their mates' and their children's forms excitedly: an enigma unravelled – a revelation to each and every one.

Lupin draped one arm around Snape's shoulder as his Patronus dissipated with Snape's. "I think no more work will be done on this today," he smiled.

oooOOOooo

As if they all had some new toy, each pack member kept calling up its Patronus throughout the rest of day, for themselves or for others who asked to see. Snape and Lupin had watched from the base of an oak tree where they sat talking.

Angharad came and sat next to Snape.

"Can I speak to you, Seth Moore?" she ventured. Snape was rather startled, especially as Lupin got up and excused himself and went to talk to Idris.

"I wondered about your ... creature ..." she said.

"My Patronus," Snape corrected gently.

"Aye." Angharad smiled, her brown eyes warm. "I noticed that ... well, that she is a female."

Snape hadn't wanted to cast it in front of everyone. Who knows what they would think of him now.

"It doesn't signify anything," he said, more abruptly than he intended, and felt his face flush.

Angharad reached forward and patted his hand. "No?"

"It doesn't signify what you may think it does," Snape said, hoping he was not too curt this time.

"I know Idris doesn't know what to make of you and Remus Lupin, but I came from a pack with male couples. Some of them, the dominant wolf took a female beta to breed, but a few undertook the ritual. Do you know of the ritual, Seth Moore?"

Snape nodded, starting to feel more like the prey of a werewolf than a mate, and sure he must be looking quite ill now. He was certainly starting to feel queasy.

"Your ... Patronus ... is the mother of the forest, Seth Moore." Then shockingly, Angharad touched Snape's stomach. He restrained an automatic flinch at the trespass on his body. Hers was a matter-of-fact, entitled gesture – the touch of a matriarch to one of her pack. She pressed his navel. "It will be harder for Remus Lupin to deny himself cubs than you know. I see him watching you. How he loves you." Angharad looked over to Lupin talking to Idris. "It's a hard thing for a werewolf not to have his cubs, Seth Moore." Her brown eyes flicked back to him. "Your Patronus signifies," she said definitely and patted his knee, smiled and then left. He felt quite shaken as he looked at Lupin again.

It wasn't that he minded that the doe was female. It was that those who saw it didn't realise it didn't represent femininity, or a caring nature. His Patronus in its way represented as much of his own curse as these wolves' did. His curse was his betrayal of his friend that directly led to her death and his Unbreakable Vow to Dumbledore that he would do anything required to protect her son. It was the night of her death that he took that vow and that was the night his Patronus had changed. He had been distressed at the sight of it: the female version of James Potter's.

"Of course, you're quite wrong," Dumbledore had said mildly. "You knew Lily well, what a strong personality and capacity for love she had. She cast her Patronus first. James's Patronus and indeed his Animagus form followed her Patronus."

"Should I not then be a stag also?" Snape had complained. Dumbledore had looked amused.

"The vow you have made to me is one of protection of a child for his mother's sake. I think the Patronus is … appropriate ... in remembrance of that mother." His old, dry hand had patted Snape's. "It signifies nothing else, but it signifies much."

oooOOOooo

The pack had retired to the roundhouse, but Idris, Angharad, Lupin and Snape remained outside, sitting around the brazier with a flagon of Angharad's home-made cider.

Snape told them the tale of Idris that Dumbledore had pieced together. Neither Idris nor Angharad had said much, but had listened intently. Snape noted the increasing sadness in Angharad's eyes, and Idris's dark eyes seemed almost fathomless by the time Snape had finished recounting the narrative.

"Lydiard," Idris said, his voice deep, like a subterranean rumble. "Haven't heard it said out loud for so long." He closed his eyes. "And you say you knew my friend. My school friend, Alf?" he looked up at Lupin.

"I only met him briefly when I was a schoolboy myself. He was my friend's uncle."

"Your friend was a Black? One of the Darkest families? He knew you were wolfkind?"

"Yes, Sirius Black, your friend's nephew." Lupin smiled.

"I knew Alf had tried to find me. I heard from other wolves. I often wondered what happened to Alf, but no good would have come of letting him find me. Sometimes, you need to let go. No point in trying to be part of what hates you." His gaze pierced Lupin, but Lupin held it firmly.

"I was taken by Vargulf to his pack but I escaped before my first transformation and made my way home to Snowdonia. I told my father what had happened to me and he put me out of the house. There and then. With the clothes on my back and my wand hidden, and that was all I had. And then ..." Idris inhaled so deeply that his chest expanded hugely before he exhaled the breath again. "Then he drove me off his land. I must have been a pitiful sight. I begged. I remember I begged him not to drive me away. My own father. But the look in his eyes. Filled with so much hate." Idris threw more sticks into the brazier, his haunted eyes reflecting the flames. "I wandered up the mountain. I knew I would transform the next night. So scared. I thought ... I don't know ... I think I thought I would die of exposure on the mountain and end my own suffering. Within hours, this pack had found me. Got my scent and found me and were my family from that day to this. Two of those who were in this pack then still live: Dai and Emlyn. We care for them still." He gestured to the roundhouse. "My first mate came from this pack. I have been luckier than I ever thought I could have been," Idris declared resolutely.

"You are Idris's second mate?" Lupin asked. It made sense, Snape thought. Looking at Angharad, she could only be in her thirties, and Snape had seen Idris had sons older than she.

"I am Idris's third mate. His first mate, Megan, died in the birth of the twins boys. There was no-one to perform the Lupercalian Section to deliver the boys safely."

"Section? Like the Muggle Caesarean Section?" Snape asked.

Angharad nodded. "The Muggle emperor of antiquity was delivered by a healer who knew ancient rituals including those of werewolves; for Lupercalia herself it was who invented the werewolf ritual and the excision for the male delivery."

Snape shuddered. He had got no further in his book on werewolves to look at how a child carried by a man could be delivered. He had become almost faint at the thought of it so had not read further. It seemed to him that Angharad was determined to make him confront this, but Lupin took his hand and patted it reassuringly, changing tack before Angharad could pursue male pregnancy further.

"And Idris's second mate?" Lupin asked.

Angharad cast her eyes down sorrowfully as Idris then looked up from the fire.

"Bronwen was my second mate. It was fifteen years before I Claimed another after I lost Megan. Bronwen she was. During the wizards' war, she was taken by Greyback as a hostage against me submitting to him. I didn't submit, but I told him I would fight him in the proper wolf manner. If he won, I would submit. If not, he would release Bronwen." His voice thickened and faltered. He stopped and stared into the fire. After a long silence, Angharad took up the tale.

"They fought, before both packs in the wolf way. Those scars across Idris's face are from Greyback. It was a bloody and vicious fight but Idris defeated him." Angharad flicked her gaze to Idris, but he still glared into the leaping flames. Snape knew what was to come, but it still brought a lump to his throat to hear Angharad's hushed tones. "Greyback reneged and slaughtered Bronwen before he and his pack retreated. Like a scavenging mongrel!" she spat.

So, Idris had fought and defeated Greyback. Snape knew that the Dark Lord remained angry that Greyback had failed to persuade Idris's pack before, but he wondered if the Dark Lord knew of his minion's previous physical defeat at Idris's bare hands. He wondered if there was a way of letting him know.

"Riddle is responsible for every tragedy of mine," Idris growled. "You tell Dumbledore, I'll be his damned beacon."

Next chapter: Christmas once more.
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You Will Not Kiss Me