Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

The Long Road	By : SinisterMe Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 63607 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 18
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from the Harry Potter world, which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it.

Chapter List
- 59
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- 61
Severus turned from watching Sebastian leave to see Draco and Harry both looking at him oddly. “Do not hold me responsible for that man’s behaviour,” he instructed, “Sebastian is absolutely without sense or control.”
“I don’t know,” Draco mused, “I kind of liked him; besides, he’s convenient.”
“Convenient?” Harry asked with a downturn of his lip.
“Yes, convenient. He’s well acquainted with the town, and if what he says is true, we could use the support of those people to get more legwork done. He could help us facilitate that,” Draco pointed out.
“I guess I don’t disagree,” Harry said. “When you’re done brewing and have had a chance to eat and sleep, we’ll go ask around.”
“I’ll be ready first thing tomorrow, the potion will be done by then,” Draco said. “I can grab something to eat in town.”
Harry frowned fully this time. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You should eat and sleep first. We can go in the afternoon, it’ll keep until then.”
“I’ll be just as useful after a Pepper-Up potion or two,” Draco told him scornfully. “There are things to be done, there isn’t time for me to take time off now.”
“Yes, there is,” Harry replied calmly, “and I’m not worried about how useful you’re going to be, Draco. There’s been a lot on your shoulders lately, I’m more concerned that you aren’t taking proper care of yourself. Finish your potion, then eat and rest and we’ll go after that.”
“This is riveting, but while you two sit here and braid each other’s hair, I think there’s something I need to see to upstairs,” Snape said with sarcasm, taking up the envelope he’d originally carried into the room with him. He’d brought it down to look at, but after the last few moments of levity, he didn’t want to depress the room again, not when everyone was starting to finally relax. It would be best if he did it privately, anyway. Who knew what was in there?
“I don’t know about braids, but a bit of hair product wouldn’t hurt some of us,” Draco said snidely. “Nice try at an exit, by the way. Now, if you’ll tell us what that envelope is all about, I suppose I could let you leave this room with minimal argument.”
“Minimal argument from a Malfoy is still enough to fight a war with,” Snape said, hovering in the doorway but not leaving the kitchen.
“Well, surrender then,” Draco laughed. “You’ve been eyeballing it since you brought it down here, and now you’re retreating with it and making aggravating comments in the hopes we don’t notice it.”
“Surrender? Not sure I know the meaning of the word,” Severus quipped as he moved to head through the door.
“That much has always been obvious,” Draco told him. “But I suppose you could either look at it as a surrender of information or an acquisition of allies. Whichever feels more prudent to you.”
Severus stopped his departure.
Draco must have taken this for a victory, because he pressed, “What is it, Severus?”
“I’m not certain,” Snape responded. “Lanning gave it to me before we left for my private exam at St. Mungo’s.”
“That cunt gave you something and you were going to run off and open it alone?” Draco asked, leaving behind the thin veneer of polite socialite for a moment. Severus took a breath and opened his mouth to respond, but Draco cut him off before he could even begin. “Please, just come back in here and we can look at it together. I can say with certainty that this isn’t the first letter from Lanning that we’ve received.”
Severus prevaricated in the doorway before turning and walking back into the room. He ripped the envelope open and dumped its contents onto the kitchen table. It was nothing more than a few sheets of parchment with Lanning’s lacy scribbling across their surface, accompanied by the odd diagram done in ink.
Remus shifted nervously. “What do they say?”
Snape leaned in, taking the top paper from the table and scanning it over. By the time his eyes had reached the bottom, his hands had started to shake, but he found himself unable but to reach for the next parchment, and then the next. When he was done with a page, he cast it aside onto the table, only having eyes for the next words. When he was out of those, his hands gripped the last paper forcefully and his face became tight with an emotion that the rest of the room struggled to interpret.
“What is it?” Remus asked, the first brave enough to speak. His hand moved out of its own accord and rested on Severus’ nearest shoulder.
Severus struggled for speech. With much difficulty, his vocal cords rasped out, “It appears to be complete, anatomical instructions and diagrams on how to heal the persistent stiffness in my leg.”
Draco moved closer. “What do you mean, heal your leg?” he asked with a scowl.
Severus didn’t respond immediately, instead, he reached for his drink, took a step over and plunked himself down into one of the chairs. He dropped the last paper on top of the rest.
“So that’s what he meant,” Severus mused aloud, as if to himself numbly. “He told me that he had read my medical file. That he was going to find out what was wrong with my knee, give me something back for all he was going to put me through.” As he spoke, Severus was rubbing a portion of his thigh absently. “Then I watched him amputate my leg.”
“Christ,” Draco breathed. He took up one of the papers and began to scan its contents, his face souring. “I can… I can hardly believe this,” he told them as he was reading.
Remus, whose hand hadn’t moved from Severus’ shoulder, gave it a gentle squeeze. Snape jumped as if he hadn’t known the touch was there in the first place, looking over at Remus with a bit of a lost expression.
Harry hovered back, unsure if he was welcome during this present interaction.
Draco’s hand came up to rub at his forehead as he read page after page, and then the next. He let his hand drop to the table, still clutching the parchment, seemingly at a loss for words.
Severus reached over and poured another glass for himself, setting the bottle on the table and holding his drink in a shaking hand. He drank deeply, then took the parchment pieces back from Draco, scanning them over again. “I doubt it was in any way worth it,” he said, “but it looks as if he’s managed to do it.”
If his voice was unsteady, no one paid any mind.
“He – did that – in order to find a way to heal your knee?” Remus asked, appalled.
“It was deemed to be a lifelong condition by the last healer I saw after the war,” Severus said, “and Lanning likes puzzles.” He was fighting against the memories he’d recently freed. He should have swallowed his morbid curiosity, given himself time before looking into the contents of the package.
As it was, he was just barely separated from the recollections of the unbelievable pain he’d endured, the hair raising sounds of the saw that had gone through his femur with such dogged determination, the hands that had caused all of it. Threaded through his memory was Lanning’s voice, happily informing him of what he was doing and why. “We’re already through the vastus lateralis; one more layer of muscle and we’ll be nearly halfway there! I’m almost certain this is where your problem is coming from, Severus, but don’t worry, I’ll find it. Are you still with me? You’re doing so well!” He felt a shiver race up and down his spine, anxiety clamped at his insides.
“Is that why your leg was so badly cut open when you left there?” Remus asked quietly, soothing his thumb along Snape’s shoulder. He didn’t know if he should be pressing for information, but he was just trying to understand.
“He wanted to take another look, as the leg he’d previously amputated for reference was starting to go a little off. There wasn’t time for him to remove it again, so he cut until he found what he needed to see.”
“That’s …horrifying,” Remus acknowledged miserably. “I’m so sorry you went through that,” he said openly, his hand moving to cup the back of Severus’ neck. His chest was squeezing just thinking about it, but when he looked at Severus he felt as if he would collapse under the weight of his helplessness. There was nothing he could do other than be there, and even this much comfort in front of others was likely more than his master was comfortable with.
There was a pause where only disturbance was the echoing sound of footsteps on the stairs leading from the upper level. Mere moments after the sound was heard, Teddy came bounding around the corner, smiling widely at them all and holding a thin, hard covered book in his hands.
“I believe I’ve been sorrier about other things,” Severus’ reply came a little late, taking in the sight of Teddy’s grinning face as he entered the room. To the boy he asked, “What do you have there?”
“A book Fred brought me while you were gone,” Teddy said cheerfully. “I’ve been practising, and I can read some of the words all by myself now!”
“That is wonderful,” Severus told him with an expression that managed not to feel forced. Somehow, he felt better just looking at this boy, he felt immersed the knowledge that he hadn’t endured what he had for nothing, not by a long shot. He set the parchment down on the table. “Would you like to show me?”
“Not yet, sir,” Teddy answered, “I want to be able to read the whole thing first, the book you gave me before is helping. I just came down because I was getting thirsty.”
Draco was gathering the papers and packaging them back into the envelope, so Harry stood and retrieved a glass of water for Teddy. The boy took it and drank thirstily. “Thanks,” he told Potter.
“I’m very proud of all the hard work you’ve been doing, Teddy,” Severus told him. Forget what the others in the room might think of him, it felt good to make this child glad. “Don’t forget to have some fun once in a while, though.”
Teddy fidgeted happily under the praise. “Thanks, sir, and don’t worry, I do!”
Severus supposed it was natural for a child who had been forced to rely on only himself for so long to be comfortable spending time on his own, and be able to find joy in solitary activities. Still, he wanted more for him than that, and vowed to find ways to make it so when he was improved and things had stabilised even marginally. “Alright,” he let Teddy’s comment go uncontested for the moment. “Are you feeling hungry?”
“Maybe a little, sir,” Teddy said. “When is supper?”
“Things may be a little disorganised this evening, but someone will either bring you something to eat in your room, or come to get you so that you can eat down here. There are still some particularly important, grownup things that I have to do today, but this evening I would enjoy spending some time with you. We can do whatever you like, make paper planes or colour, read some of your story, or you can do the impossible and try to teach me to paint…”
Teddy’s eyes lit up. “Really? That sounds great, sir! Maybe by then I can read you my story, or most of it anyway. …You’ll help me with the tricky words?” Teddy asked, only the tiniest bit uncertain.
“I would love to hear it,” Severus answered, feeling his heart, which had been withering for days, revive inside of his chest. He’d been worried that he wouldn’t be able to feel anything other than anger and misery once his shields began to come down, but when he looked at this child, now, with the warmth of Remus’ hand on the back of his neck - there was direct evidence to the contrary. His heart beat a little more quickly for a moment, as he realised he was feeling bloody relief along with a small surge of happiness. There was no question that he loved these two, and in spite of his previous fears, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling it. “Of course I’ll help you with the difficult words. We can sound them out together.”
“Alright!” Teddy proclaimed. “I’m going to go practice some more, then. Will you come get me when you’re ready?”
“I will do exactly that,” Severus told him, “you go on, and someone will come find you soon for supper.”
Teddy nodded, sticking his book under his arm and walking back around the corner.
“He’s so much happier now that you’re home,” Remus told him genuinely.
“That makes two of us,” Severus agreed.
The alarm on Draco’s wand went off. “I’ve got enough time to get down there and take a SoberUp potion before getting started again. I’ll take your cauldron off the flame too, so don’t worry about it,” he told Snape, standing up.
“That would be appreciated.”
“Here, I don’t know if you want to do anything with this other than roll it up and cram it down Lanning’s throat, but I wouldn’t leave it lying around where our newly minted wordsmith can find it,” Draco said, handing the papers back over to Snape.
“I’ll put it somewhere safe for the moment,” Severus said, taking the package. “I don’t know what I’ll do with it, other than perhaps share it with the reporters that come tomorrow. It is an excellent example of his methods, if nothing else.”
“You’re not going to make use of it?” Remus asked hesitantly, though he could completely understand either way.
Severus let out a long sigh and took another drink. “As of this moment, I remain undecided,” he answered. “I will want to look more closely into the procedure and potion regimen that would be needed, and I would have to have everything looked over by an impartial healer to make sure there were no… hidden surprises. Even then, I can’t say if I will want to use it later, if this fucking leg is ever in the condition it was in before all of this. That man butchered me like a piece of meat, to use that, even to my benefit, may be more than I can stand.”
Remus swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you about it. There is time for you to decide. We should just focus on having you feel better for now.”
Severus sneered. “There is more for us to do than that,” he said.
“Not at the moment,” Draco argued cheerfully, moving towards the door to the lab. “I’ll finish the potion early tomorrow morning, have a small break and then Potter and I will go see about the supposed help we’ll be getting from Lastanchor. I’ll run the final samples before we go, and then they will be ready late tomorrow night. As far as I can see, your time is your own until your reporters arrive. I know it goes against your nature, but please, do try to use it to rest. Potter’s been on my arse about taking it easy too, so I’m just spreading it around a little.”
Severus drained his glass again, leaning over to refill it again. Sobriety be damned. “Your choice of phrase is detestable,” he spat.
Draco only laughed, turning the handle and hurrying down the staircase.
“Would you like to throw your bit in too, Potter? Tell me how I should go lie down?”
“No, I don’t think so,” Harry said a little awkwardly, already blushing from their previous remarks.
“Good. I knew there was a reason I let you stay here,” Severus said irately. He felt Remus’ hand hesitate and then withdraw contact from his shoulder. He sighed. That wasn’t his intention, to make Remus feel as if he had done wrong by trying to encourage him to take care of himself. He set his glass down and pivoted to look up at the werewolf, thinking that he had best change the subject. “We should go look in on Daniel. He will likely need nourishment soon. His body has done a great deal of healing very rapidly and it may be a day or two, even with his rapid metabolism, before he will begin to return to normal. He will need monitoring and a great deal of rest.”
“Sounds like someone else I know,” Harry muttered to himself, collecting the used glasses and taking them to the sink.
“I knew it was too much to ask to be able to count on you, Potter,” Severus said wearily.
“You heard that, huh? Alright, alright, you’re invincible and have perpetual energy,” Harry said with his back turned, still rinsing things in the sink. “I could make something for Daniel and Teddy to eat, if you like,” he offered. “You could take it up to them when you go to definitely not rest.”
“That would be appreciated, Harry,” Remus answered before Severus had a chance to speak.
“There is a container of oatmeal and some fruit in the cold cupboard,” Severus said, not even moving to rise or trying to argue. If Potter wanted to be useful, who was he to stop him? “That should be enough to get him started on, we will just need to be sure he eats another two or three small portions tomorrow.”
“Are you planning on telling Teddy about him?” Harry asked, carrying an armful of things over to the counter.
“Eventually,” Severus answered slowly. “For now, he will stay where he is and rest. He shouldn’t be out of bed for a day or so either way, but we will see how far David’s spell and those potions take him.”
“That healer?” Harry asked, wrinkling his nose. “He was here?”
“He still is here,” Severus answered. “He very likely saved Daniel’s life earlier today while you and Draco were otherwise occupied. The spell took a great deal out of him, and so he is resting upstairs.”
“So if I see a strange man walking around, don’t hex him?” Harry clarified.
Severus nodded.
“Someone should really tell Draco,” Harry said, “I can only imagine how he’d react.”
“Thank you for volunteering,” Remus said with a smile.
“I’m off to do it right after this,” Harry said, arranging banana slices onto a plate. Seeming to consider himself done, he took two plates and set them on the table by Snape and Remus. “Would you like me to take one of these up to Teddy first?”
“Don’t worry about it Harry, we’ll take it up to him. You go down and make sure Draco is aware of our guest, that way the poor sod isn’t attacked trying to find the loo or something,” Remus told him.
“Alright,” Harry said, opening the door to the basement. He paused before actually lowering himself down a step. “Would you mind if I did some work in that garden of yours one of these days, Snape? You’re growing an excellent crop of weeds out there this year.”
“Be my guest,” Severus replied. “It is a task normally shared between Fred and myself, but with everything going on it has been quite neglected. Stay out of the greenhouse until one of us has shown you a map of the …less reputable plants.”
Harry shrugged. “I can do that. It would just feel good to be outside for a bit. After he’s done eating, I’ll see if I can convince Teddy to put down his book for long enough to help.”
“A wonderful idea,” Remus said, taking the plates up off the table as Harry descended the stairs. “Should we go feed these boys, Severus?”
“I suppose there is no better time,” Snape agreed, downing the rest of his drink and standing. He was sore and worn through and mentally exhausted. Still, he felt better than when he’d returned home, and that had to count for something. He recalled the feeling from only a moment ago, where he had Teddy smiling in front of him and Remus’ hand on the back of his neck and tried to hold on to it, stretch it out, carry it with him. Even though it was fading, the echo of it reverberated alongside his heartbeat and gave him hope, a near foreign sensation. He poured himself another two fingers and knocked them back without preamble, setting his glass back on the table and standing.
Remus left the room, and Snape followed him to the top floor of the house. Lupin handed him the serving of oatmeal and fruit. “I’ll go give this to Teddy and tell him he can go outside with Harry if he likes.”
“Thank you,” Severus said, nodding and taking the plate, parting ways with Remus as he entered Daniel’s room.
Fred stood when he came in, moving to meet him hear the door. “Sir is feeding this one?” he asked quietly.
“I am,” Snape replied. “You can feel free to go about your day for now. I will scan him and if his condition has not improved, I may call you to sit with him again. If it has, then I will just set a ward to alert me of his waking or distress. Thank you for all of your help.”
“Sir is being welcome,” Fred said. “Fred will be peeking in and see how he is being doing as time is going on.”
“That would be appreciated. However, you have been spending many hours on watch, if you were to take some time off, no one would blame you.”
Fred gave him a bit of a sideways look. “Fred will be seeing,” the elf said.
Snape took that as a hard ‘no’. “At your discretion, then,” he said.
“Be calling if you is needing anything,” Fred said, passing him on his way out of the room.
The boy was still asleep, almost immobile in his slumber other than his small chest rising and falling under the blankets. He approached the bed, setting the food to the side and sitting in the chair. He watched Daniel sleep for a few moments, taking in his peaceful face and the pale eyelashes fluttering against his cheek. He prayed that he would be able to carry some of that peace into waking.
He rested his hand on the blankets by Daniel's arm and shook the mattress lightly, hoping that by not touching the child directly he wouldn’t be so badly startled.
Daniel’s eyes shot open and he gasped a frightened breath, his arms flailing under the covers.
“Hello, Daniel,” Severus said softly.
The boy’s gaze trained itself on him instantly. He didn’t look in any way relieved.
“Hello,” Daniel answered, his voice a tremble.
“I have something here for you to eat,” Severus informed him, “but please, sit up and take a moment to wake yourself. I have some water for you as well,” he offered.
Daniel’s eyes blinked slowly, his fists coming out of the blankets to rub at them. He sighed and shifted, wriggling so that he was leaning up on his elbows.
Severus moved in slowly. “I’m just going to arrange your pillows so that you can sit up comfortably.”
Daniel nodded and sat up, leaning forward. Snape adjusted the bedding and told him to sit back. He waited until the child looked at him, offering the water sitting on the bedside table.
The boy hesitantly reached out, taking the water from Severus and holding it in front of himself, looking into the clear basin of the glass.
“It is only water,” Snape assured. “I will not give you a potion of any kind without telling you about it first.”
Daniel’s mouth opened and closed, and Severus could hear how dry it was from where he was sitting. Still, he didn’t push or press him. Eventually the boy either decided to trust him or was so thirsty that he couldn’t resist, and he lifted the cup to his lips to taste it. There was a mere second in between that and him drinking heavily, only dropping the glass back to his lap after having consumed half of it.
“You may have the rest later,” Severus told him while taking the cup from him. “How are you feeling?”
Daniel appeared to take stock of himself. He looked uncertain when he answered, “I feel …okay?”
“Excellent,” Severus smiled and tried not to think of how utterly repugnant it must look on his newly scarred face. “Would you mind if I scanned you with my wand?”
“Like last time, where it didn’t hurt?” Daniel asked. He was clearly still waking up and making sense of things.
“Just like that,” Snape reassured.
“Okay,” Daniel said.
Severus scanned him in the same fashion as last time, finding the results to be so much more favourable. It was obvious that the child needed rest, hydration and nutrition. He would benefit from some of the potions he had down in his lab cupboard, but they would work their way up to that when Daniel trusted them more. What mattered most was that he was no longer in fear for the child’s life.
“You are doing much better,” he told Daniel. “Are you hungry?”
Daniel made a desperate sound in the back of his throat. “Yes, please, sir,” he asked emphatically.
“I have oatmeal with milk and sugar as well as some cut up fruit,” Severus told him, taking up the food and setting it on the boy’s lap. “Do you need assistance?”
“No!” Daniel told him, taking up a slice of banana and devouring it. “No, sir, you don’t have to. I can do it myself,” he said, rethinking his rudeness and starting to eat before the food could be taken away.
“Alright,” Snape gentled, sitting back in his chair so as not to appear to hover. He reached over and re-sleeved the record that was on the turntable, selecting another that was purely instrumental and putting it on in its place and setting it to play. He then leaned back and subtly watched Daniel devour his meal.
The boy stole glances at him, like he was expecting him to lash out angrily or snatch the plate away if he took too long. Severus just kept his relaxed posture, reclined in the bedside chair, waiting and trying to appear unthreatening. Daniel used his utensils, but not gracefully, as he rapidly consumed the provided sustenance.
“It is yours until you are full,” Severus told him. “It will not be your only meal here. Remus, Fred or myself will bring you food several times a day. You may also have as much water as you like.”
“Thank you, sir,” Daniel replied in between bites.
Severus watched him quietly, taking in the way he hunched himself around his plate as if to protect it. He was reminded of himself, somehow - the boy who was too terrified to place any food upon his plate during his first Great Feast. Sitting in front of the empty piece of china, afraid to touch as much as a dinner roll while surrounded by classmates glutting themselves, until magically, there appeared in front of him a new plate full of food and a note that said, ‘eat me’. And so he had, every bite until it had felt like his stomach had distended. He hadn’t wanted to disrespect whoever had decided to feed him by not finishing what was on his plate. He recalled being ill not long after, nauseous and missing his mother alone in that large canopy bed in his dorm room.
“Don’t continue eating until you are uncomfortable,” he cautioned. “As I just mentioned, you will be fed again. It is getting to be later in the evening, and though someone will check on you, you will likely have your next meal in the morning.”
Daniel swallowed the bite he was chewing. “Do you mean it?” he asked before putting another slice of banana in his mouth that he clearly had no interest in eating.
“I do,” Severus said, “no one who stays under this roof goes hungry. It is a rule of mine.” More like a rule of his house elf’s, but that may be too complicated to explain at the moment.
“Alright,” Daniel said, eating two more spoons of oatmeal and another piece of fruit before pushing his plate away.
Severus took it up and set it aside, offering the glass of water again.
David took it from him and was about to drink before the door opened, and Remus entered the room slowly.
“Hi everyone,” he said with a smile.
Daniel paused with the glass halfway to his lips.
“Go on,” Severus urged. “This is Remus, remember? He helped you to come here,” Severus reminded Daniel kindly.
The boy smiled at Lupin and then looked down at the bed, drinking the rest of his glass and handing it back to Snape.
“How do you feel now?” Severus asked him.
“Tired, sir.”
“That is perfect, because I would like you to sleep some more,” Severus said, gesturing for him to lean forward so that he could lower his pillows. He used his wand to discreetly empty the child’s bowels and bladder. “Do you think you could do that for me?”
“Yes, sir,” Daniel yawned. “Will I still be here when I wake up?”
“Of course,” Severus said. “You will be here for the foreseeable future. If anything changes, you will be told at once. All you need to worry about now is feeling better.”
“That’s good, sir,” Daniel said, half asleep already.
Severus turned the record over and set it to repeat. He arranged the covers over the boy and stood shakily. He set a ward over the bed. “Magic will let me know if you wake or are in distress, and I will come see you at once. Don’t fret, you will not be in trouble.” Severus told Daniel softly, unsure if he was awake enough to hear his words.
The sandy head nodded, though there was no verbal response and his eyes didn’t open. With all he’d been through, Snape wasn’t surprised.
He turned to meet Lupin at the door, closing it softly behind them. “Teddy is taken care of?” he asked the lycanthrope.
“Yes, and when he’s done he is going to take his dishes down to the kitchen and go help Harry out in the garden. They will likely be busy for a while out there. Daniel is doing alright?”
“He is exhausted, but he is doing much better than this morning; I believe his life is no longer in immediate danger. Both he and the healer will likely sleep until tomorrow.” He took a few steps down the hall, casting another ward over the door to the room David was sleeping in. “This will alert me if he wakes. I would like for him to look at Daniel before he goes.”
“That seems reasonable,” Remus agreed. “So what now, there appear to be a couple of free hours until you spend some time with Teddy. I know you are scornful of the idea, but I wouldn’t mind a bit of a rest – no one’s been sleeping quite normally.”
Severus Summoned the bottle of liquor from the kitchen table, and it came flying into his open hand. “You seemed to sleep well the last night or so,” Severus pointed out, “though it can be hard to get yourself out of a deficit.” Snape turned and walked towards their room.
Remus tried not to feel suspicious. There was no way Severus knew he was awake to hear his midnight confession to Teddy, or he would have said something long before now. Wouldn’t he? He would have to be the one to say something, Remus doubted he would ever be able to. He barely felt confident enough to have these feelings for Severus, never mind expressing them. He followed without comment, feeling as if whatever he said would give him away.
Severus set the bottle down on the table and removed his outer robe, hanging it over the back of a chair, which he sat down in gracelessly. “In spite of all my protest, perhaps just being still for a while wouldn’t be the worst idea.”
“A lot has happened today,” Remus granted, moving nearer. The lines on Severus’ face seemed more pronounced than they had early this morning. “How are you feeling?” Remus had to stop himself from cringing while he asked the question. He was trying not to mother, but his concern overrode those efforts.
“Worse than I’d hoped, better than yesterday,” Severus answered honestly. He rubbed distractedly at the scar mass on his cheek, recognizing that he was doing it and pulling his hands away from his face, pouring Scotch into an old teacup that was sitting on the side table and taking a drink.
“I’m glad, I think,” Remus gave a small laugh.
“Tomorrow won’t be any worse than today.”
“Careful now, that almost sounds like optimism,” Remus smiled.
Severus huffed a laugh. “I’ll watch myself.”
“There is some time yet, would you let me oil you up?” Remus asked, trying to keep the question light. He picked up the scar solution and gave it an enticing shake in Snape’s direction. This time he received a sigh in answer.
“I suppose it couldn’t hurt,” Severus allowed. It really wasn’t how he’d like to spend the next chunk of time, but Remus looked so damned hopeful. Not to mention that his neck and cheek were starting to feel painfully tight, to the point where speaking and moving his head was causing him discomfort.
Remus’ answering smile told him he’d given the correct answer. “Great!” he replied. “I’ll arrange some cushions on the bed and you can sit up there?” he felt that he was pushing his luck with this, but it would be the most comfortable for both of them.
“As you wish,” Snape drawled, wondering why he couldn’t refuse this man anything. He’d always thought that he was more formidable than that.
“You may as well unbutton your shirt and remove your trousers, that way I can reach the worst of them.” Remus said, his back turned to him as he adjusted the pillows on the bed to his satisfaction.
“Of course.” He drained his glass and began to do as was requested of him.
Remus stepped to the side so that he could get onto the mattress. Snape sat on the side of the bed, placing his refilled glass on the end table and then leaning so that his back was against the mountain of pillows resting against the headboard.
“Perfect,” Remus told him. Severus decided to take his word for it, as well as another drink of Scotch while he was at it.
Remus decided to let the alcohol consumption slide for now. So far Severus had been very cordial while he was drinking, and even though he had little idea what the other man was going through, he could tell that there was a very sharp edge that needed taking off. He removed his robe and rolled up his sleeves, taking the jar of ointment and climbing onto the bed beside Snape, just glad that he was being permitted to help.
“Do you have more of this?” Remus asked, dipping his fingers in and starting on Severus’ thigh.
“There are two more containers in the closet downstairs,” Severus answered. What he didn’t say was that this was nowhere near the most effective medication for his scars. It was lycanthrope safe, the strongest he was yet able to make without the use of silver instruments, but it still paled in comparison to the treatments he could create with them. Those products would be very unsafe to use near Remus, let alone allow him to apply them. The point was moot in his mind.
“Good, because I think I’ll only get one more go with this one.”
Severus rested his arm and glass on the bed beside him, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. It was simpler to do that than to watch Remus’ gentle hands move over his ruined flesh. He let out a ragged exhale.
“You don’t have to spend long with Teddy,” Remus offered, “we can turn in early and you can spend time with him tomorrow.”
“No, I’m looking forward to it,” Severus admitted. “Like I told him, whatever he’d like to do, we’ll do.”
“Alright, if you’re sure,” Remus said.
“I am,” Severus said, taking another drink. “Just talking with him puts things into perspective for me.”
“How so?” Remus asked. His hands smoothed over the lower section of Snape’s thigh, working the flawed tissue carefully under his fingers while he rubbed the cream in.
“I…” Severus lifted his glass again. “I see him smile up at me and I remember the price that would have been paid if I hadn’t gone in his place. Somehow, things don’t seem so abysmal then.”
Remus had been moving to get more cream and continue on to Severus’ neck, but he paused and moved one hand up to his face instead. “I think I have to kiss you now,” Remus warned, leaning forward and touching his lips sweetly to Severus’, moving back right after, not wanting to crowd him.
“Perhaps I should mention how things aren’t completely appalling more often,” Severus said.
Remus only grinned back at him. He went for the jar for real this time, scooping a generous amount onto his fingers and shifting up in the bed so he could apply it to his master’s neck.
Severus tipped his head back again, giving Remus more room and removing all chances of eye contact. He felt fingers exploring the old wound and swallowed against bile in his stomach. He took several slow, deep breaths and reminded himself that he was home, that this was Remus.
“Am I pushing too hard?” Remus asked, likely in response to his odd breathing pattern.
“No,” Severus answered, his voice a croak. He knew what unrelenting force felt like, and it was nothing to be compared to the careful way the man before him laid his hands upon his skin. Just as he had done for him in the past, Remus now massaged the cream into the scar, extending out from its silvering stripe into the adjacent flesh, hoping to break up the damaged tissue and promote healing. He felt overwhelmed by the touch, something he had never even bothered to do for himself, never mind call upon another to do for him.
Remus collected more ointment and moved on to Snape’s cheek, where the tissue was lumpy and jagged, as if it had been brutally ripped open instead of sliced cleanly like his neck. “What happened here?” he asked before giving himself permission to voice the question. “Gods, don’t answer if you’d rather not. I’m sorry I asked.” he backpedalled swiftly. What was wrong with him today?
Severus moved his arm, causing Remus to briefly withdraw as he took a long drink, nearly draining his glass. He moved back out of the way and gestured for Lupin to continue.
“Have you ever heard of the term, ‘pear of anguish’ or ‘choke-pear’?” he asked, forcing himself to still as he thought about them himself.
“Never,” Remus replied with dread. Severus could feel his hands falter on his cheek.
“The type implemented here was used on heretics and blasphemers,” Severus explained, “a muggle invention. It is shaped like its namesake, with a key that turns to spread sections of the bulbous end like a flower opening to the sun. This end was placed into my mouth while Lanning turned the key.” He stopped speaking, because Remus’ hand had moved from his face to grip his arm. He wasn’t sure what to say, seeing grief on the other man’s face and wanting to make him feel better somehow. “I died shortly after,” he extended, the best offering that he had, “it didn’t last long.”
Remus couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How casually an atrocity was spoken of and then dismissed. He hoped that his work on Severus’ cheek was extensive enough, even as he shifted so that he lay beside his master, his arm encircling him as he nuzzled into his neck. “I love you.” It was on the tip of his tongue after all, but he couldn’t voice it, not now. It was too near to tragedy, to suffering. This wasn’t about him, he reminded himself. He just clung on, instead.
Severus wasn’t sure how to respond to this, so he merely allowed it to happen. Remus didn’t seem inclined to move, so he drained his glass and set it aside. He then used his wand to summon the afghan over the far chair, spreading it out with his magic and laying it overtop of them. He reminded himself that Remus was likely tired as well, and it was much more probable that he would actually sleep for a while. So he stayed still and silent, other than the hand he brought up to slide through Remus’ hair, feeling the outline of his neck, his arm and his side before resting on his hip and remaining there.
Remus’ fingers skimmed the skin of his side for some time, before falling limp, his breathing moving into small snoring exhales against Snape’s shoulder. Severus, somehow, never wanted to move again. Just lying there together like this felt beyond comforting, more than safe. He would have drifted off himself if he hadn’t wanted to savour the moment, experience it and hold it close.
He was unsure how much time passed before a tentative knock was heard on the bedroom door. Remus’ head shot up blearily. Severus, who had not been sleeping, reluctantly extracted himself from the relaxed embrace they had been sharing. He stepped into his trousers and then buttoned up his shirt while he was on his way to the door.
He opened it and was surprised to find Potter on the other side, his face more uncertain than he had seen it since the boy was in school. “Yes?” He asked with heavy sarcasm, the door propped open just a bit.
“Sorry to bother you,” Harry said, appearing truthful. “We ran into a bit of trouble while we were outside,” he admitted.
“What sort of trouble?”
“Well, Teddy and I were weeding, and everything was going well actually,” Harry began, before getting a little agitated. “Then, we ran into a bit of a tough patch – tree roots moving in on the pumpkins you have on the edge of the garden. I went to the shed to see if I could find the proper tools and then… well…”
“Teddy was alone in the garden while you went to look for these tools?” Severus inquired, filling in the blanks with relative ease.
“Exactly,” Harry said, frowning and flustered. “I was only gone a couple of minutes, and the shed wasn’t very far from where we were, and I thought he saw me walk in there…”
“Where is he now?” Severus asked immediately. He could easily imagine Teddy trying to hide or find somewhere safe. There were many hazardous places on his property for a small boy on his own and he felt his heartbeat increase.
“In is room,” Potter answered. “I went to look for him and he was huddled down in the raspberry bushes, nothing I could say would calm him down. He’s really upset. I’m so sorry.”
“You couldn’t have known,” Severus said, swallowing his anger. If he began to let it out now, there would likely be no stopping it, and it was the most unproductive thing he could do in the circumstances. He wondered, wherever Albus was, if the old bastard was watching him and having a good ‘hurrah’ about the levels of his personal growth. “Draco should be finishing the last phase of the potion soon, if you would go check in on him and make sure he actually gets some rest, I will go and see to Teddy.”
“That’s great,” Potter said, “because I really don’t think he wants to see me at the moment.”
“Give it time,” Severus said with more patience than he felt. “I will speak to him.”
“Alright,” Harry sighed. “Just tell him I’m sorry and I didn’t mean to scare him. Again.”
“He’s a smart boy,” he said.
“What does that mean, exactly?” Harry asked, unsure if he should feel offended or not.
“It means I am certain that he will come to that conclusion on his own,” Severus told him.
“Thanks, Snape,” Harry said.
“Don’t go ruining it, Potter,” Severus said, then allowed his lips to quirk into something close to a smile.
Harry snorted a laugh and headed towards the stairs.
Snape turned back to wake Remus, only to find him already dressing. “Thank you for not roasting Harry,” he said, sliding into his robe.
“He was not informed of Teddy’s fear of open spaces,” Severus said. “I had believed that it was becoming less of a problem, myself. However, as it stands, we should go and see him now to be sure he is well.”
“Right behind you,” Remus said, finishing the tie on his robe and striding forward.
Severus crossed the hall, pausing to think if he should knock or not. In the end, he decided against it, as he didn’t want to give the boy time to school away his emotions before they could speak of them. “Teddy?” He asked, opening the door slowly, peering inside.
The door was most of the way open before he saw him. A boy exactly Teddy’s height, but one who looked nothing like him. His face was sunken, indistinctive, without mark or mar. His hair was shorn short, nearly to his skull. Severus took a step back before meeting his eyes. Those had remained unchanged, amber shards of loveliness that were so similar to his father’s that it made his breath catch. This time it felt as if his voice was caught in his throat along with it. What?
“Sir?” the familiar voice came out of the stranger’s face, wet with tears. The voice was full of sadness and uncertainty, trembling out the hesitant inquiry into the room.
He hesitated for only a moment. There were a thousand questions, but that voice and those eyes answered all of the important ones. The rest would keep. “Teddy?” he dropped to his good knee and opened his arms, which were empty for only a moment before becoming full of sobbing child. Even without his weight on it, his scarred leg throbbed angrily at being put in such a position, but he held still.
“I’m so sorry!” Teddy said in a wail.
“For what, child?” Severus asked him, trying to make his voice comforting while enclosing him in a tight embrace. Christ, the child was a Metamorphmagus, like his mother. His mind began racing with the possibilities of how this had influenced the modified Wolfsbane’s effect on him. Perhaps he wasn’t so daft after all.
“For yelling at Harry!” Teddy nearly shouted at him. “For… For everything!”
“Try to calm yourself, Teddy,” Severus told him softly, rubbing the boy’s shoulders with the palms of his hands. “Everything is alright, no one is angry with you. Can you tell us what happened?”
“I looked around and he wasn’t there!” Teddy expressed. “It was just me and there were no walls and it was too BIG, sir! I was all alone and there was too much room out there, so I ran to hide!”
“I know it was frightening,” Severus soothed. He opened one arm wider and looked over his shoulder for Remus, who caught on in an instant, crouching down on one knee, inserting himself into the embrace without a thought, wrapping his arms around Teddy as well. “But it’s okay now. We’re all here together, and it’s okay.”
Remus wrapped his arms around both of them, feeling the shuddering gasps of his son and the steel like strength of Severus back in each respective hand and wondered how he had ever gotten so lucky.
“Did Potter find you?” Severus asked, not retreating.
“Not right away, sir,” Teddy replied shakily, though without the wild emotion he had been expressing moments ago. “I was out in the garden when I noticed he was gone. There was nothing but sky, sir, nothing but space, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.” Teddy’s words were speeding up and his breath was starting to quicken.
“Don’t forget to breathe now,” Remus reminded him gently, giving his arms a squeeze around the both of them.
Teddy took a deep, shuddering breath and continued. “I tried to wait for him to come back, but I couldn’t. I ran to the raspberries, I’d been in the rows before and it felt okay, and I ran there and tried to hide.”
“From what, Teddy?” Remus asked. He felt Severus squeeze his shoulder and wasn’t sure if it was in support or as an indication that he should stop interrupting.
“I don’t know, daddy,” Teddy told him, voice thick with emotion. “It isn’t good to have too much space,” he tried to explain, “when you’re in the box nothing bad happens to you!”
“You aren’t in the box,” Remus reasoned, “there is no box here.”
“I know!” Teddy began to fidget in their arms. “But when I’m alone in the house, in my room, I know what is in there with me. Out there, there could be anyone!”
Remus tried to rationalise with him. “Our old master is dead, Teddy, he can’t hurt you anymore.”
“But dad!” Teddy exclaimed, as if what Remus had said was completely irrelevant.
“Breathe, Teddy,” Severus said, “you are safe now. Your father is here, I am here, we are in your bedroom with the door closed. Take a couple of deep breaths like we’ve practised and try to settle yourself. What happened next?”
“I got caught in the thorns,” Teddy told them, visibly trying to gain control of himself. “They scratched my arm, but I stayed there with my dragon.”
“Did Potter come and find you?” Severus asked when he had fallen silent.
“Yes, sir, he was calling for me, but I was too scared to call back or go out to meet him. He came into the bushes and found me there, he was angry that I’d ran away.”
“He was likely afraid when he couldn’t find you,” Severus told him. “What did he do when he found you?”
“He tried to get me to go inside, but I was too afraid to leave the bushes. I shouted at him, sir, and I said some very mean things that I don’t really think are true.”
Severus had vast amounts of experience with this, but what he did not excel at was fixing the problem afterwards, in his past, something inside of him could never bend enough to admit he was wrong. To this day, he didn’t know what had caused that rigidity, nor how to rid himself of it completely, but he knew that it was imperative for him to try to make sure that it never occurred in the heart of this kind, caring boy before him.
“Have you apologised yet?” Severus questioned.
“No, sir, I ran up here to be alone when he got me back to the house.”
“Is that something you would like to do?” Severus asked him honestly.
“Yes, please, sir! I just… I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell him what is in your heart. We can practise it before you speak to him,” Severus assured. He stayed in the hug for a moment more, before feeling the odd sensation of Teddy’s hair growing rapidly under his cheek, where it was resting on the boy’s head. He pulled back, holding Teddy at arm’s length and giving him a once over. “What is all of this, then?” he asked, indicating Teddy’s appearance.
“I felt so bad, sir. I came up here and then I felt worse when I was alone,” Teddy said as if that was an explanation, starting to sniffle again.
“And when you feel awful like that…” Severus trailed off, hoping the boy would complete his sentence.
“I turn myself into nobody,” Teddy informed him with agitation. “Teddy was too scared to be out there alone, he was mean to Harry when he was only trying to help, I didn’t want to be him anymore!”
“There is absolutely nothing wrong with being Teddy,” Severus informed him automatically, before what the boy had said was actually able to sink in. “He is – you are a frightfully intelligent, charming, sensitive, artistic individual. You are kind and considerate, have a wonderful sense of humour and are so incredibly strong. Don’t ever wish you were someone else, because I swear to God, you would be trading down each and every time.”
Remus felt his eyes misting over. How was it that his heart was full of that very sentiment, but he was unable to vocalise it? He took a shaky breath of his own, moving back to give everyone some space, but still kneeling beside them.
“But I was so rude to Harry, and if I was so perfect I’d be able to stand outside by myself for five stupid minutes!” Teddy exclaimed, more loudly than he needed to. He had slowly been gaining his own appearance back, but was now reverting again, his hair shrinking back into his head and his cheekbones shifting under his skin. “Now I’m being rude to you!” the boy pointed out with absolute dismay.
Remus thought that it was marked progress that he didn’t feel the need to fall at Severus’ feet and beg forgiveness for his son’s insolence. He held fast, not knowing what to say or do, but having enough faith in Severus to believe that he did.
Severus nodded. “It is understandable,” he said. “Potter will recognise that as well. Emotions can be very difficult to control. Do you remember how angry Potter was when he first came here?”
Teddy nodded, hugging his arms around himself.
“Do you believe he is a bad person?” Severus inquired.
“No, sir! He makes good jokes and talks to me and is so nice!”
“Alright. Do you remember how you heard me shouting at your father the other night? Does that make me a person that is not worth being?” He privately thought that the answer he would give would be much different from the one Teddy was about to spout.
“No! Of course not, sir!”
“Alright,” he agreed. “So, is it then fair to say, that even though you behaved in a way that was not the best, that you are also not a bad person, and that being you is perfectly fine?”
Teddy didn’t respond, looking at his feet.
“We are not always going to be our best selves, Teddy. The most excellent parts of us are often overtaken by the worst parts of us. We must always struggle to ensure that doesn’t happen, but when it does, we must love that part of ourselves also, because it is a part of us. Your father and myself, and Potter too, we love the whole of you. Even the bits that are occasionally angry, or rude, the parts that are not always strong, or brave. I firmly believe that there is nothing that you could say that would render that untrue. I am asking you to try to extend that same love, that same forgiveness to yourself.”
Teddy wobbled for a moment, before giant tears fell down his face and his hands came up to cover it. Remus’ arms were around him again almost before Severus’. They remained there for minutes, while Teddy let his emotions go between them. When they pulled back, the boy before them was again recognisable as Remus’ son. He felt his heart throb just looking at him, his lovely, damaged boy.
Severus rose stiffly from the floor, almost toppling with the pain in his leg. He moved to sit on the bed, his back against the wall, indicating that they should join him. Remus was the first to respond, moving onto the mattress next to Snape with enough room between them for Teddy. He held out his hand also.
Teddy hesitated for only a second before climbing onto the bed and snuggling in between them.
“Do you feel better now?” Remus asked.
“A little,” Teddy admitted.
“I would never want you to be anyone but who you are right now, Teddy,” Remus told him. “You are my son and I love you.”
“I love you too, dad.” There was a breath in between, “I love you too, sir, thank you for the nice things you said.”
“The truth is indifferent, Teddy, it is neither kind nor cruel.” Let that go right over the boy’s head, Severus. “Can you tell us about what I saw upon coming in here?”
Teddy shrugged nervously.
“Alright,” Severus accepted, “can you tell us why not?” he was trying to make a point of including Remus in these discussions, in parenting his son. He believed that Lupin was trying, but he had strides to make before he was totally confident doing so. Severus had tried to encourage him earlier, but he feared that he only startled him into silence. If the other man knew how clueless he felt most of the time, he was sure he’d feel better about it.
“Because,” Teddy said, organising his thoughts. “Because I’ve always felt like I should hide it from everyone.”
“It is only your father and me here,” Severus assured. “We will not judge you or use what you tell us against you. We only wish to be there for you, and we cannot properly do that if we do not understand.”
Teddy hesitated, toying with a thread on his trousers. “I… When I’m very upset, or wish I was someone else, I turn into nobody.”
“Can you tell us what that means?” Severus asked, feeling fear under his ribcage.
Teddy wavered. “It means that I make myself into no one,” he repeated.
Severus realised that he was asking the wrong questions. “What do you change in order to make yourself into this ‘nobody’?”
“I make my face go away,” Teddy said simply, unaware how eerie that statement sounded to the two adults. “I get rid of anything that makes me look like Teddy.”
“And?” Severus encouraged, even though there were so many things he wanted to ask.
“And I take all of the scared and the sad and the angry and I put it away, because all of those things belong to Teddy,” he said, uncertainly, as if he thought he would be reprimanded. “Nobody doesn’t feel like that. I can’t feel those things when I’m nobody, because he isn’t a person.”
“What is he, then?” Severus asked, chills going up and down his spine.
“Nothing,” Teddy replied fervently. “That’s why he doesn’t have anything to worry about.”
Severus paused, briefly at a loss. The tragedy unfolding before him stole his breath. He gathered himself. “I’m so sorry that you feel like that, Teddy,” he told him. “Since I have met you, there hasn’t been a second where I have wished you were anyone but the boy in front of me, either in personality or appearance.”
“…Does that mean I’m not allowed to do it anymore?” Teddy asked, alarmed.
“No,” Severus said after a period of time, “it does not. However, I would like for you to promise that you will come and get your father or myself if you feel you need to do this, or at least discuss it with us after, if we are not available. Do you think that you can do that?” He didn’t want to put a stop to Teddy’s coping mechanism, but he wanted to make certain he didn’t hide it any longer. The more it was brought out into the light, the more likely he would be able to be free of it, eventually.
“Yes, sir!” Teddy exclaimed, almost to the point of tears again. “I was so scared you would say that I couldn’t! I didn’t want to tell you!”
“If it doesn’t hurt you or anyone else, we will not stop you from doing something that makes you feel better in a time of distress. I hope that one day, you will not feel the need to do this and will be able to discuss your feelings with one of the many people that care about you, but as long as you are open about it with us, we will not make you stop. How long have you been doing this?”
“I don’t know, sir,” Teddy said. “A long time. There was a window in the box, and a light. When the door over the window was closed, but I had earned the light, I could see my reflection in the glass.”
“Go on,” Remus urged, glad to be hearing these details and wanting to kiss Severus for his handling of it all.
“I wished so hard that I was nobody, because being just someone else wouldn’t be enough, Mast-, our old Master might want to hurt them too. I had to become no one. I wished hard enough, looking at myself in the glass, and one day I started to see something different. The more and the longer I wished, the more I looked like nobody. At first, it took me a long time. The more I did it, the easier it got. Now, I can do it right away, if I have to.”
“You know that we love you?” Remus asked, copying Severus language.
“Exactly. We will love you, no matter what you look like. Whether you appear as Teddy, or as ‘no one’, that will remain the same,” Severus agreed. “Though I can’t say that I am sorry to be looking at you as you normally appear.”
“You’d rather I was Teddy?” the boy seemed skeptical.
“Of course, always!” Remus exclaimed, horrified that his son could think otherwise of him.
“I wholeheartedly agree with your father, but I think it is important for you to understand that Teddy and ‘nobody’ are the same person. Though you may perceive them as not being similar and having different strengths and weaknesses, they are both you. While I understand the allure of trying to be a person without fears or emotions, I also understand that even when I lock those parts of myself away, I remain myself, always. We are always ourselves, and even if we are unhappy about how we have behaved or reacted to a situation, that is alright, because we made those choices, and however poor they were, we can fix them, we can learn from them.”
Remus supposed that there was no one better equipped to speak to his son about mistakes and how important it as to make amends, but he still wished he had more to say. His stomach was in his throat and he felt that if he moved as much as a muscle, that he would be sobbing without hope of relief. He tried to hold Severus’ words close to himself, and found that they were not enough to fill the hole in his heart that his son’s sorrow had caused.
“Does that mean that if Teddy apologises to Harry, he will still like him?” Teddy asked.
“No,” Severus corrected, “it means that Potter likes you regardless, but if you apologise, both you and he will feel better. He also feels bad for what happened.”
“Why?”
“Because he thought you saw where he was going, and so he believes that your distress is his fault. He will likely apologize to you as well.”
“What do I say?”
“What do you think you should say?” Severus turned the question around on him.
Teddy thought intently for a moment. “Well, that I’m sorry that I ran away and yelled at him. I’d tell him he isn’t a bad godfather and that I still want to be friends with him,” Teddy said quietly.
“I think that is a perfectly good apology,” Remus told him. “Harry will be so happy to hear that from you. Did you really tell him that he was a bad godfather?”
“Yes,” Teddy answered morosely. “I know that I shouldn’t have said it and I’m sorry and I hope Harry believes me!”
“He will,” Remus said with confidence. “Would you like to spend time with Severus now, or apologize first?”
“I want to say I'm sorry to Harry,” Teddy said right away. “Then… is it okay if I’m tired? Would you still want to spend time with me tomorrow, sir?”
“I always wish to spend time with you,” Severus told him, tightening his arm around the boy’s shoulder. “Would you like your father or I to come and tuck you in?”
“Only if Harry doesn’t want to,” Teddy replied reluctantly.
“I know that he will,” Remus told him.
“Remus, would you mind going to the lab and asking Potter to come up here? I haven’t checked Draco’s warding yet, and at his age, even a wisp of smoke off of that cauldron could be devastating to Teddy if the potion is not complete.” He didn’t want to say that his leg was bloody aching and he didn’t intend to move from where he was seated until he absolutely had to.
“No problem,” Remus agreed easily. He personally didn’t think that there was a thing wrong with the wards Draco had erected, but he wouldn’t say that now, or ever. He rose and exited the room, setting out to find Harry in the basement.
“Thank you for not being mad at me, sir,” Teddy said.
“There was nothing for me to be angry about,” Severus told him. “We all have emotions, and sometimes they are difficult to control and we do things that we normally wouldn’t because of them. I have been guilty of that a great many times in my life, but I was much older than you before I realised that apologizing and admitting I was wrong was the best way to make up for the things I had said and done.”
“What did you do instead, sir?”
“Many things that were not very smart. I refused to admit that I was wrong, or that I was sorry for anything. For a great many years, I acted that way. It made me very angry and incredibly alone for a long time.”
Teddy laid his hand comfortingly on his knee. “But you don’t feel like that anymore, do you, sir?”
“No,” he answered, “I don’t.” Even with all he had endured in recently passed days, he found it to be true.
“I’m glad, sir.”
“Me too,” Snape replied. If there was ever a time for a topic change, it was presently. “Teddy, have you ever shown anyone other than your father or me that you have the ability to change your appearance?”
“No, sir,” Teddy said straightaway. “Our old master seemed to want me to be able to, and I didn’t like the idea of him knowing, sir. I only did it when I was by myself. I still do.”
“But now, you’re going to speak with myself or your father about it, right?” Severus prompted.
“I will, sir. I promise. I’m sorry and I’ll try not to do it at all.”
Teddy sounded so forlorn. “This isn’t a punishment, Teddy,” he assured. “We only ask you to come to us, because neither of us wants you to feel that way by yourself. That doesn’t mean you will be in trouble or you are not allowed to do it at all.” He also doubted whether taking away the child’s way of coping independently was wise, not before they had worked to establish another method.
“Thanks, sir.”
Teddy’s hand left his leg and they sat there quietly together for only a minute before the door was pushed hesitantly open and Remus and Harry were seen in the hall.
“May I come in, Teddy?” Harry asked, obviously unsure of his welcome.
“Yes, please,” Teddy answered. His eyes were already misting over, and instead of getting off the bed like he had planned, Severus stayed with his arm around him.
Harry and then Remus came into the room.
“Teddy, I just want to say that I’m sorry for walking away without talking to you about it first. I didn’t know it would scare you so much and I feel really bad about it, I hope you can forgive me.”
“It’s okay, and I’m sorry too!” Teddy exclaimed, the tears falling for real now. “I didn’t mean to shout at you, or to say that you were a bad godfather, or that I didn’t want to be your friend anymore!” A broken sob escaped his lips. “None of that is true! I only said it because I was angry, please be my friend!”
Harry walked up to the bed. “I forgive you too, Teddy,” he smiled at the boy with watery eyes. “You’ll always be my friend.”
Teddy buried his face in his hands and cried for a moment.
“See?” Remus asked carefully. “We told you it would be alright.”
“Will you tuck me in?” Teddy asked with trepidation.
“I would love to,” Harry grinned at him.
Severus finally withdrew and edged himself to the edge of the bed, hoping that he could get up without immediately falling down again. He stood shakily, forgoing the arm that Remus tried to extend to him. He retrieved a book from the shelf, handing it to Potter. “Chapter twelve,” he said in way of explanation.
“Thanks, Snape,” Harry said.
Severus nodded and went to the doorway. “Goodnight, Teddy. I love you.” Potter was present, so he was reluctant to wax sentimental, but after all of the goings on, it needed to be said again. He refused to have Teddy doubt that because of his stubborn pride.
“I love you too, sir. Love you dad.”
“I love you too,” Remus said with undisguised emotion. “Have a good sleep.”
“I will,” Teddy agreed.

Both of them crossed the hall. When they were in their room with the door closed, Remus buried his face in his hands and let out a weary sigh.
“He’s going to be alright, Remus,” Severus said softly, moving to stand near him.
“I know,” Remus answered, wishing he believed himself just a little more.
Severus didn’t say another word, didn’t know what other words he could possibly say. He wrapped Remus in his arms, feeling the lycanthrope sag against him for only a moment. He held on until he felt Lupin pull back. The other man ran his hands over his face moving to sit at his usual chair by the fire.
Sensing that the moment had passed, Severus Conjured his parchments from the basement, while retrieving a quill and inkpot and setting them up next to his empty glass, which he immediately refilled.
“What are you doing?” Remus asked with interest.
“Your son is a Metamorphmagus,” Severus said, as if that explained everything.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I only just found out myself, and it was a bit much to process, and with everything that has been going on, I didn’t know how to bring it up…”
“Irrelevant,” Severus dismissed. “What matters now is that a great many of the variables I was dealing with in his blood analysis are now possibly identified. If we are fortunate, this may lead me to understand how the new formula of the Wolfsbane potion effected Teddy in the way that it did. Once I know that, it is conceivable that I can begin extrapolating how to recreate it.” He rubbed at his temple, feeling exhaustion keenly, even as he knew that he needed to gain momentum, not lose it.
“I know that it isn’t likely,” Remus said with hesitation, “but it is possible that you would come to bed with me and have a bit of a sleep first. Please?” he reached over and gripped Severus’ hand. He didn’t know how to tell him that after everything, he just wanted to curl up beside the other man. “I can tell you’re beyond tired, and I think you’ll make connections more easily after you’ve rested. I’m sorry to harp on it, but I’m worried about you, and that I refuse to apologise for.”
Severus was going to brush all of this off until he felt the warmth of Remus’ hand in his. This was a level of concern that he couldn’t recall experiencing in his life before this man and his son entered it, and he was reluctant to squander their care. Also, Remus had asked him. He drained the glass he had just poured in two large, fiery gulps. “Alright, you win,” he said. He stood and set everything on the seat of his chair. “I’ll try to rest.”
“Thank you,” Remus said, looking more grateful than he had a right to, with how simple of a request he had given. He quickly got into his sleeping attire, and Severus did the same. They climbed into their respective sides of the bed and settled in.
Severus rolled over and peered into Remus’ eyes, wondering what came next.
“Severus!” Remus exclaimed.
“What?” he asked acerbically.
“Your eye,” Remus said carefully, “I think it’s changing colour! It looks darker now.” He lightly touched Snape’s cheek, thinking how relieving it would be to look into his face and see him looking back at him again.
“I can see more clearly out of it than when I was discharged from St. Mungo’s,” Severus admitted.
“You’re healing,” Remus said confidently. “Give it time, you’ll be good as new,” he added with a twist of melancholy to his expression.
“I suppose so,” Severus agreed distractedly. “ Healing or not, I am going to solve this problem,” Severus said incongruently to Remus’ previous statement, “I am going to find a way to cure you.”
“Not tonight you aren’t, if you have ant sense, that is,” Remus said, kissing him on the shoulder once, quickly. He both loved and hated this man’s single-minded determination right at this moment.
“No, not tonight,” Severus granted in a half-hearted way that told Remus that those calculations were being done in his mind rather than on parchment, right at this moment.
Remus kissed him again, drawing his master’s thin body close and holding him there. He wondered if he’d be able to outlast him in alertness and be a useful dream catcher, as it were.
Severus appeared to be brought closer to reality with this embrace. “Remus, our time is running low. We will need to make love within the next day or so,” he said, feeling almost ill as he did.
Remus felt as if he had been doused with a bucket of ice water. “You can’t take that potion again?”
“Now that the bond has taken shape, I am reluctant to mislead it in any way – the magic will likely interpret it poorly. I would prefer to follow the requirements, as best we can.”
“Severus, you can’t be ready to - ” Remus choked, rather than say it out loud.
“I have to be,” Snape said simply. “You were required to move forward with a physical relationship long before you were prepared for one, and I now have to do the same. Do you think that I would expect something from you without being prepared to do it myself?”
“I…” Remus’ words failed him. It felt like a trick question, and he had to swallow his apprehension to say, “No, Severus, I don’t.”
“Well then, I suppose that we will go slowly an take our time,” Severus said, mocking in a way he never had when referencing the time Remus was allowed.
“Yes,” Remus agreed in all seriousness, “we will.”
“The result of my blood analysis was spelled to transfer directly to me,” he said. “I am thankfully free of all infections or diseases,” Severus said, not really feeling anything at the words.
“I’m glad,” Remus told him, pressing his lips to Snape’s shoulder. “None of those cunts deserved to be in the same room as you and I hope they all burn in hell for what they did, Severus. If I could light the fire myself, I would. If you want to… I wish you would give yourself some bloody time…” Remus waffled for a while on what he wanted to say, before settling on this, “If we’re to do this, then we go slow, and we let you adjust, just like you did for me. If you’re not alright, we stop. Promise me that you’ll talk to me as we go forward with this. I need to know what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling.”
“I – will try,” Severus said, surprised to find that he meant it. “I do not excel at sharing that part of myself,” he cautioned.
“You do it with Teddy,” Remus pointed out.
“Teddy is different,” Severus evaded.
“Yeah? How?”
“He is,” Severus paused to think. “He has already been hurt so badly,” he began. “I want him to be able to forgive, to love, more easily than I ever could. I want him to be able to be happy.” He felt as if he’d said too much somehow, admitted something terrible, but he couldn’t take the words back.
“You can be happy,” Remus said, his heart breaking. “You deserve to be happy.”
“You have no idea what I deserve,” Severus pointed out coldly, sure that this would end the conversation.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Remus said with warmth in his voice instead of hurt or anger. He nestled closer to Severus, tightening his arms around him and kissing his shoulder. Severus tensed up like he was going to spring from the bed, but then sagged under Remus’ touch. Remus kissed him again. “I don’t think that you get to decide what you deserve anymore,” he said boldly.
“No? And you do?” Severus said with a bleak kind of humour.
“Yes, I believe so,” Remus smiled into his neck.
Severus made a noncommittal grunt but otherwise didn’t argue. After a moment, he said, “I suppose I couldn’t be in better hands.” One of those hands came to rest over his heart as Remus kissed him again.

A/N: Thank you for continuing to read as well as for your patience! I appreciate all of your amazing support on the last chapter, it means more than I could put into words. Please let me know what you think of the new update. Sorry if things aren't progressing as fast as maybe they could be, I promise things will get moving again soon. Thank you so much for going on this journey with me!
I've had a cooment or two mentioning making art for this? I would be beyond thrilled to see anything anyone would like to make! Please, just let me know where to find it and share it if you would like. You guys are the best!
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The Long Road