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Memories of Deception	By : professorflo Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 20868 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters within. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Memories of Deception
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-5
- 6-6
- 7-7
- 8-8
- 9-9.
- 10-10
- 11-11
- 12-12
- 13-13
- 14-14
- 15-15
- 16-16
- 17-17
- 18-18
- 19-19
- 20-20
- 21-21
- 22-22
- 23-23
- 24-24
- 25-25
- 26-26
- 27-27
- 28-28
- 29-29
- 30-30
- 31-31
- 32-32
- 33-33
- 34-34
- 35-35
- 36-36
- 37-37
- 38-38
- 39-39
- 40-40
- 41-41
- 42-42
- 43-43
- 44-44
- 45-45
- 46-46
- 47-47
- 48-48
- 49-49
- 50-50
- 51-51
- 52-52
- 53-53
- 54-54
- 55-55
- 56-56
- 57-57
- 58-58
- 59-59
- 60-60
- 61-61
- 62-62
- 63-63
- 64-64
- 65-65
- 66-66
- 67-67
- 68-68
- 69-69
- 70-70
- 71-71
- 72-72
- 73-73
- 74-74
- 75-75
- 76-76
- 77-77
- 78-78
- 79-79
- 80-80
- 81-81
- 82-82
- 83-83
- 84-84
- 85-85
- 86-86
- 87-87
- 88-88
- 89-89
- 90-90
- 91-91
- 92-92
- 93-93
- 94-94
- 95-95
- 96-96
- 97-97
- 98-98
- 99-99
- 100-100
- 101-101
- 102-102
- 103-103
- 104-104
- 105-105
- 106-106
- 107-107
- 108-108
- 109-109
- 110-110
- 111-111
- 112-112
- 113-113
- 114-114
- 115-115
- 116-116
- 117-117
- 118-118
- 119-119
- 120-120
- 121-121
- 122-122
- 123-123
- 124-124
- 125-125
- 126-126
- 127-127
- 128-128
- 129-129
- 130-130
- 59
- 60
- 61
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

When Hermione emerged from the pensieve this time she sank immediately down onto the stone steps. "Gods, I can see why you said I was upset, although that's not quite the word I would have chosen. I was awful to you, and you just stood there and didn't say anything." She looked up at Snape, standing behind his desk with an inscrutable expression on his face. He said nothing, so she got to her feet and walked around the desk to him, laying a hand gently on his arm. He watched her warily.
"Why didn't you stop me? Why didn't you defend yourself? You knew what I was doing was unfair. You should have said something." She reached her other hand up to caress the cheek that she had just witnessed herself slap hard. Snape flinched, but didn't move, although his dark eyes were fixed on hers. "Why?" she asked again when he made no reply.
Snape was silent a few moments longer, and her hand faltered on his cheek. "I deserved everything you said," he stated simply. "I am not a good person."
She began to run her fingers over his cheek again. "You're wrong. Everything you've done to me was for a reason…" He raised an eyebrow at her, and she coloured slightly, thinking of the few instances where he had admitted to doing something that was unnecessary. "Well almost everything." Her thumb began to stray closer to his bottom lip. "Everyone makes mistakes, especially in a situation like ours. You are not a bad person…"
Snape grabbed her wrists suddenly, holding them tightly. Hermione's fingers stilled on his cheeks but he did not pull her hands away. "Do you honestly think you are the only person I have ever done something like this to?" he growled fiercely, his dark eyes flashing. "The Dark Lord only gave you to me because in the past I proved myself… adept… at bending his opponents to his will"
Now he pulled her hands down, before stepping closer, looming menacingly over her. Hermione took a step back, wide-eyed at his sudden change in demeanour, and trying her hardest to damp down the tiny flicker of fear that had sprung up inside her. She couldn't go far, for he still held her wrists.
"You think a nice person would be capable of doing the things I have done to you, whether you agreed to them or not? My abilities with Legilimency and Potions have helped me break more people than I care to remember. You are lucky that from the beginning the Dark Lord saw you as valuable enough to want you kept relatively healthy, in both body and mind. I would not have been able to hesitate if I or another had been ordered to seriously hurt, or even kill you, my position is too important. If I had had to I would have cast the killing curse on you without a second thought. If the Dark Lord had commanded me to, I would have broken and raped your body and your mind. I have done it before, this time would have been no different."
Hermione gasped, her eyes filling with tears at the hateful words. The fact that she knew that at least part of what he was saying was a lie had escaped her for the moment. Snape moved towards her again as he saw her falter and back away from him.
"I told you before not to assume you know me. You... know… nothing, girl, and you understand even less," he snarled. Snape moved back, and made a motion as if to turn away, but Hermione remembered enough to gather her courage and stop him by grabbing his coat sleeve, her anger suddenly flaring.
"You say I know nothing of what you go through, that I don't know just how much danger I am in right now. You're wrong! I may understand right now why you had to do these things to me, but I didn't when you were raping me. I thought you were an evil sick bastard who was going to abuse me any way you wanted. Every time you take me before him I am terrified that I will be killed or tortured, or that he will give me to someone else who will treat me worse than you have done. I know full well what you and his followers are capable of, I've been living with it for the past few weeks!
"Don't you dare tell me I don't understand! I know more than you think, and I'm not scared of learning the rest. Do you think I will be revolted by what I might learn? You think I can't guess at the horrible things you've had to do to prove your loyalty to that… that monster? I can see how much what you have to do to me pains you! I'm not stupid! Even when you've taken my memories, I can still see it in your eyes… all the hate and disgust. I thought it was for me, but it isn't, is it? You can't stand yourself for what you have to do, what you had to do to all those others."
Snape had backed off as she yelled at him, although her voice had softened towards the end as she ran out of steam, and she was sure she could see a hint of uncertainty and something else on his face. She pressed herself closer to him, her head thrown back to look up into his heated eyes. "You're not a bad person, you've just been forced to do bad things."
"You seem to forget that I chose this life, I joined of my own free will, before you were even born. I have no right to ask for or expect forgiveness for my actions." His voice was still bitter and angry, although it had lost most of its fire.
"And if you were given that choice now? If the only factor affecting your choice was whether you want to or not?" She looked up at him questioningly.
Snape just sneered down at her, before turning suddenly and stalking over to his office door, slamming it behind him. Hermione walked across to his desk unsteadily, and sat on the chair behind it, waiting for her pounding heart to recover from the fright and then the adrenaline that had coursed through her as she stood up and challenged him. I can't believe I just said all that. Gods, he probably hates me now. She sighed heavily.
"You would do well to remember that Severus is adept at pushing people away when he starts to feel threatened, Miss Granger. I hope you do not take his outburst to heart, although you did seem to be managing him quite admirably."
Hermione looked up at the portrait behind the desk. "What do you mean, threatened? I didn't do anything."
"You have done more than most, and got closer to him than he likes to allow, and that is precisely why Severus feels threatened."
Hermione opened her mouth to speak but Dumbledore carried on quickly.
"Severus is in great need of someone who can understand, although he would not like to admit it. You are in a unique position to do so, considering what the two of you have been through together these past few weeks."
"But what about what he said, that I shouldn't think I know him, just because of all… this." She waved her hand at the phials containing her memories and the pensieve lying on the table beside her.
"Severus has been alone for so long he finds it hard to open up to anyone. For the past 18 years everything he has done has been at my request, in the service of the order. Yes, he has been forced to perform unspeakable acts, but they have been for the greater good, much like your own situation here. I believe he was over-exaggerating slightly when he told you of the people he has done this to before. As far as he has ever reported to me, the times he has been asked to use his skills to break or manipulate another's mind it was done as quickly as painlessly as he could manage. There have certainly been no other times with the situation has become so… intimate as yours. Severus has always tried to do his best, both for you, and the others."
"He obviously doesn't agree with you there. He thinks that what he has done is unforgivable. " she snapped testily, realising just how much Dumbledore had put him through over the years.
"Severus' conscience weighs heavily on him, and knowing what sort of man he truly is, I would expect no less of him. He has found this particular situation much harder to deal with than any other, most likely because he cannot end it quickly like he has done before. I know your continued forgiveness and understanding have made a great deal of difference to him. He just doesn't know how to show it. Severus cares a great deal for you, however, whatever he may do or say. You must just be patient until he is comfortable enough to open up and express this for himself."
"It's no wonder he doesn't know how to open up to people when he's been forced to do all the horrible thing you've asked of him. How can you expect him to do the things he's done and not be affected? You asked too much of him, and I'm amazed he's not gone insane from the pressure. You've ask him to kill and torture, and he hasn't had one person to help him through it. By forcing him to kill you, you made him into a pariah, he had no one to turn to when everyone thought the worst of him, and yet you still expect more of him."
There was silence for a few moments, and Hermione coloured as she realised how strongly he had been berating the old Headmaster. Dumbledore stared down at her seriously, but not unkindly, holding her gaze.
"I believe Severus is quite mistaken about you, Miss Granger. I hope one day he has the chance to realise it for himself. You obviously do not need me to ask you to try to show him some understanding, and for that I am quite glad." The twinkle had returned to his eyes.
Hermione frowned. "What…?"
"Now, I believe it would be a good idea for you to continue viewing your memories. You are aware you may not return to Severus' chambers, and he may be some time before he cools off enough to return. You will have plenty to do, and you know how he feels about wasting time." He gave her a look that brooked no refusal, and, grumbling under her breath Hermione turned back to the pensieve. She picked up the next memory and looked at it thoughtfully.
"Umm, Professor…?" she asked cautiously.
"Miss Granger?"
"Do you remember exactly where this memory was taken from?" She wasn't sure why, but knowing exactly when she'd had memories taken from her had become quite important, the dates having become so jumbled up in her mind due to the missing days.
"I believe it was three days ago, the day before Voldemort returned from his two-week absence and called Severus to his side."
"The whole day?"
"Correct, Miss Granger."
She carefully removed the last memory from the pensieve with her wand, enjoying the way she was able to use her magic after so long without. Once she had placed it back in the correct phial she took the next one, tipping it in.
What happened before that? It doesn't seem like only 3 days ago. It was so hard to imagine that she could be so ignorant of all the day and hours that had been taken from her. Her memories of her time as Snape's prisoner seemed unbroken, except for the times she had previously believed she had passed out from the Cruciatus Curse. Her cheeks suddenly reddened as she remembered what had happened the night before Voldemort had returned. That was when he first gave me the potions book… after he… Oh Gods, this is all such a mess. The memory of his hand between her legs and his mouth on her breast was so vivid for a moment that she could almost feel it, and she had to squeeze her thighs together to assuage the dull ache she could now feel.
She blushed again, unable to take her mind off the way he had touched her as she lay prone in his lap, and the way he had brought her to the first of two orgasms so much more intense than any she had ever given herself. She almost couldn't believe that it was only three days ago, or four, if she counted the lost day, that she'd still been fighting her attraction to him, although she realised now that she had been for quite a while. The use of the love potion that Snape had mentioned had only seemed to speed up the inevitable.
Come on Hermione, you have better things to do than sit here getting horny in front of a bunch of old paintings. Trying to take her mind off the hot throbbing between her thighs, she leaned over the pensive and was quickly pulled in.
The memory she comes out of at the start of this chapter was from chapters 28 and 29, which in the timeline happened on the 8th April. The memory she is goin into at the end is from chapter 32/33/34 which is from 14th April, so she is thinking about the events with happen in the chapters and on thedates in between.
The current date is 17th April (Friday)
- 59
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- 61
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Memories of Deception