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And They Didn\'t Live Happily Ever After	By : ElizabethStump Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 90306 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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“And They Didn't Live Happily Ever After”

Chapter Sixty-One: “Sex Is Hard Work”

Disclaimer: It was the best of fanfics, it was the worst of fanfics, it was the age of crossovers, it was the age of one-true-pairings, it was the epoch of archives, it was the epoch of social media, it was the season of open canon, it was the season of closed canon, it was the spring of alternate universes, it was the winter of dying fandoms, we had wi-fi, we had no connectivity, we were all going to fandom conventions, we were all too far away to drive to the nearest one — in short, I had to disclaim any ownership of the concepts, characters, and ideas that are in this particular Harry Potter fanfic; they all belonged to Rowling and not me.

A/N: Disclaimer is a parody of A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.

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Since they began experimenting with various dosages of the Caprese mother of pearl in the Sexual Arousal Enhancing Potion some weeks prior, they had been increasing the amount of the mother of pearl and timing how long the effects lasted for both Severus and Hermione, and how much the potion's effects abated after coupling, sometimes multiple times. That Saturday, a little less than a week away from Halloween, while Ron was playing his second-to-last game for the season away in Spain, Hermione and Severus had both tried the dosage of a smidgen, and found the effects lasted only an hour. This was not enough time to make it a compatible potion strength if it was to be sold with the Male Enhancement Potion, which had an effectiveness of two hours.

Hermione also brought over the boxes of flavored jelly, in addition to some plain gelatin, pectin, “fruit leathers,” and fruit juice concentrate. Severus found the Muggle commercial brand of jelly not only unpalatable, but chemically inferior in flavor. He discovered through experimentation that by using a biscuit cutter, the fruit leathers could be cut into shapes and pressed onto the body to be eaten. Severus nibbled a star-shaped grape-flavored fruit leather from Hermione's shoulder, while Hermione discovered that sticky fruit leathers and chest hair do not go together. By the end of their first foray into gelatin-based fruit-flavored body paint, they had discovered that a lot of gelatin would be needed and the fruit concentrate reduced even further. A drying agent that would activate, once exposed to oxygen, which Severus did not have on hand, would have to be procured for the next round of testing.

The following Monday they both partook the Libido Enhancing Potion using the full-pinch measurement of mother of pearl. It seemed to take their intimacy and concupiscence to a new level they did not think possible before. They finally broke Severus' kitchen table; though it was easily repaired, it was never quite the same afterwards. That night, Hermione discovered just how much Severus enjoyed having a prostate massage, especially during fellatio. In turn, Severus learned that Hermione liked to have her hair pulled roughly like the mane of a horse while being pounded from behind. They were so lost in the heady experience induced from the potion that neither remembered much of what was said during the rare moments when they weren't screaming, begging, or moaning, or had their mouth full of various body parts. Hermione was able to remember how Severus initially giggled (a sound rarely heard before or since) while having his toes sucked, but immensely enjoyed it once the initial ticklishness wore off. Even during their usual post-coitus cuddle, there was a deep sense of connectedness they hadn't felt before; they knew something was different between them, yet neither said anything.

Thursday, the night before Halloween, Severus was getting the last of some custom tailoring done by some of the Lovely Lavender elves who’d had some sewing experience prior to working for Miss Brown.

Severus rushed home from work, just in time for Hermione. Fortunately, he had had the good sense to ask Marf to fix dinner, since he would have no time himself before Hermione came. He enjoyed cooking with Hermione and for her, but – considering the Ministry’s masked ball was the next day – between getting ready for the ball and his Potions research, he’d had little time to cook that week.

Marf, thrilled that he was getting a chance to cook more often for Hermione and his master, whipped up a lovely stuffed and rolled pork loin with roasted potatoes and other root vegetables.

Upon opening the door to welcome Hermione in, Severus was met with a quick gasp of surprise.

“How much of that Ageing Potion did you take?” Hermione asked.

“Why? How much older do I look?” Severus replied with a question of his own.

“Like you could be McGonagall's older brother,” she answered truthfully.

“Forty plus years? I wasn't shooting for that much, but anything to throw them off the scent,” he admitted.

Hermione circled around him to gauge how his body had aged. The flash of white at the temples peppered with gray certainly made him look more distinguished, and his back was still straight. Examining his hands, she noticed a few faint spots, more wrinkles, and a moderate loss of muscle mass. His nose was a bit more hawkish and ears were a little larger, considering that cartilage continues to grow throughout one's life. His eyes still carried the same fierce gaze, but the crow’s-feet around his eyes were much more pronounced and added even more authority in the way he looked as he stared back at her. He still fit his button-down frock coat that he had taken to wearing again once the cool weather set in during the autumn.

“Like a good red wine, you age well,” Hermione admitted.

He grabbed her and placed a playful kiss upon her lips, noting the mild twinge in his back as he bent as a slightly odd angle.

“We'll have to wait until this potion wears off before we try the combination of potions tonight,” Severus said, rubbing at his lower back as he guided Hermione to the table for dinner.

“So this last trial, I'll be taking the full dose and you'll be taking the full dose as well as the Male Enhancement Potion?” Hermione wondered how the coupling of two strong sexual potions together might affect him.

“Actually, we have one more trial yet to do,” the Potions master explained as he served up some slices of the pork roast on Hermione's plate before serving himself. “One where I take the Male Enhancement only and you take the Arousal Potion only, since that is the combination they will be sold in. But for tonight's trial, yes, I will be taking both potions. Which is why, considering how they are both rather potent, you'll be binding me to a chair initially. I'll need you unaffected by any potion so you can administer the antidote, should any complications arise initially. I am not sure how much in control of my functions I'll be, and I don't want to... injure you in any way,” which was Severus' delicate way of saying he didn't want to fly into a blind rage of lust and wind up being too brutal.

“Based on your years of experience as a Potions master, what unpleasant effects are you anticipating that I should look out for?” the young apprentice asked.

“Painful erection, hyperventilation, animalistic behavior – and I don't mean the good kind you like – bordering on brutish or worse.” Severus served up some potatoes for his lover and himself as he continued to list possible complications as if reading a shopping list. “Heart palpitations, ruddy cheeks, blurry vision, numbness of extremities, loss of consciousness, cramps, vulgar language, loss of hearing or ringing in the ears, memory problems, and headaches.”

“That's quite a list of possible complications.” She cast him a wary look as speared a bite of food.

“Quite, but I did say possible,” he conceded. “The point is, as Potions master, it is my job to make sure certain combinations of potions will not wind up causing more harm than the good they are supposed to be providing. Miss Brown is concerned that if we sell these two potions as a pair, some wizard will get it into his head that if one potion for him is good, then two potions must make it better. It is my job to see if the pair should come with a warning not to take both together or if it is perfectly safe. Miss Brown does not want a lawsuit and, considering some of the lawyers that came from Slytherin House, she has good cause to be concerned about avoiding going to court.”

“So the best ones come from Slytherin House?”

“Indeed. There is a reason why my House symbol is a snake, and it's not just because Salazar Slytherin was a Parselmouth. Snakes won't bite a member of Slytherin House out of professional courtesy.”

Hermione wasn't sure if Severus was joking about the snakes not biting until she saw him give his iconic arch of the brow that he was having one on her. She still laughed at his dry attempt at humor, despite her better judgment that it would only encourage him.

Over the course of dinner, Hermione noticed the Ageing Potion began to slowly fade as Severus’ hair went back to its normal raven-black and the lines around his face diminished, as well as his form filling out.

“So how long did it last?” she asked, referring to the Ageing Potion.

Glancing at the clock, Severus replied, “About six hours. Enough time to show up, 'press the flesh' as Miss Brown likes to call it, and be home before I turn into a pumpkin.”

After dinner, they wasted little time before beginning the experiment.

Due to prior experience with the other iterations of the Arousal Potion, Severus removed his frock coat and unbuttoned his shirt; there was little point in making Marf sew buttons back on unnecessarily. For good measure, he unbuttoned his trousers and adjusted himself, just in case. His apprentice bound him to a chair, making sure he was tied down good and tight. Safety protocols were in place; Hermione had ear plugs in place and several vials of antidote ready, as well as an open box of bezoars. The agreement was to let the experiment play out unless Severus was at risk of injuries requiring a trip to St. Mungo's. Should no complications arise the first half hour, Hermione was to take the potion herself and release Severus from his bonds. Remembering what happened when they were reverse engineering Ron's muscle-gaining potions, Hermione took a dose of Natural Lubrication Elixir to avoid any dryness.

“The Arousal Potion first,” Hermione announced as she poured it into Severus' mouth.

Severus' eyes dilated, and his skin began to glow with a slight luminosity and radiated warmth, as was expected. As he nodded at her, with heavily lidded eyes that spoke of his desire for her, Hermione poured the Male Enhancement Potion into Severus' mouth and waited.

Rolling his head back, Severus let out a long, low bestial growl which morphed into a keening wail.

“FUCK! Oh God!” Severus yelled at the top of his lungs, and not in a way that indicated any pleasure whatsoever. “My bollocks are going to fucking pop if you don't fuck me now!”

He grimaced in a way Hermione had only seen on his face once before – when he’d thrust into her once, missed, and bent his erect member nearly in half.

She remembered Severus' detailed instruction to let the experiment run its course unless a bad case of blue balls was going to result in a trip to St. Mungo's. However, just to be sure, she asked, “Do you want the antidote to end this now?”

“No!” he barked at her. “Just let me loose so I can fuck you until I split you in half!” He glared at her with a feral eye.

“Vulgar language and painful erection: check and check,” the Potions apprentice said with clinical detachment as she checked off the little ticky boxes on a list of symptoms they had drawn up before the experiment began. She was able to hear through the ear plugs because of the volume at which he was yelling at her.

“You can put that mouth to better use by blowing me than talking,” he snarled before another wave of pain seized him. “Oh! Merlin's balls, the pain. DO SOMETHING!” he begged.

Unable to stand the sight of him in pain, she increased the bindings around his feet and chest before removing the bindings from around his hips that held him firmly seated to the chair.

'At least he had the foresight to loosen his trousers before I bound him,' she thought with some relief, as she pulled his very firm and surprisingly hot-to-the-touch erection free.

Before she could even wrap her hands around him to provide some relief with a hand job, the mere stimulation of Hermione's hands to free him sent him into premature ejaculation. Severus came with a surprised yelp as his semen spurted forth and hit the ceiling above their heads.

Hermione looked in shock as the white substance clung to the ceiling, amazed that he ejaculated that far.

“Powerful ejaculation,” she noted, but before she could wave her wand to clean it up and make a notation on the parchment, Severus began screaming again for relief.

“Just let me loose and let me fuck you!” he demanded, rocking his chair side to side as he strained against his bindings, but the force of his commands were diminished with the pleading in his voice.

Hermione knelt down beside him, as he was still bound to the chair, and began to stroke him out of compassion. It was less than ten seconds before Severus came again with nearly the same force, wrenching a scream from his throat in the process.

“Are you sure you want to continue?” Hermione asked again, as she cleaned up once again with a wave of her wand using the Arabic spell she had learned from her lover.

“If you were truly a Gryffindor, you'd be brave and let me loose to find out what a real fuck is like,” he vituperated, his erection continuing unabated as if he’d never orgasmed in the first place. “Or are you too scared? You could finally let me fuck you up the arse, let me pound you until you wouldn't sit right for a week!”

“Definitely vulgar language,” Hermione dryly remarked as she went back to stroking him.

Severus let out a low moan of appreciation as Hermione continued stroking his length, noting the time between each orgasm lengthened until it was a couple minutes between orgasm and his ejaculate only reached up to his chest.

Aroused by the sight of Severus’ still erect cock, warm and pulsing with the beat of his heart, Hermione bent over and tentatively licked the head. Severus let out another gasp and came immediately.

“Warn me before you do something like that again or I'll fuck your grandiloquent mouth until you gag!” he roared, his eyes winced tight in pain.

Hermione didn't bother to clean his dribbles of cum as they clung to his face while she took her time to grab the piece of parchment. “Memory loss: check.” She used a little extra flair of her quill as she marked the ticky box, then set her quill down with purpose before bothering to clean Severus up.

“Memory loss?” Severus questioned with hostility.

“Yes, you obviously have forgotten that not ten minutes ago you said I could put my mouth to better use by blowing you than talking, then demanded I 'do something'. I did something.” Hermione gave Severus an impudent smirk in return.

“If you don't let me go now, I'll fuck your brains out and you won't be able to tell the difference between this wand,” Severus intoned with a jerk of his head toward his still erect member bobbing in need of more attention, “and the one in your hand.”

“I would think that someone who was tied up, as per your own instructions, would be a bit more...” Hermione knelt down again, this time in front of Severus, grasping his cock at the base firmly, pleased to hear a hiss escape his lips, “... cooperative and...” she added for good measure to add to her point by licking Severus' cock from the base of his balls all the way to the tip in one wet swipe of her tongue, “... appreciative of how I am trying to help relieve your discomfort.”

Severus threw his head back and groaned with relief. “Please.”

“Please what?” she teased, knowing that might just drive him back to be the sexually frustrated beast she was trying to tame.

She looked up to find him glaring murderously at her.

“Please what?” she asked once again while flicking the tip of his head with her tongue while stroking his length.

Severus' eyes rolled up into the back of his head as he ground out, “Please, just fucking please, fuck me.”

She engulfed him in her mouth and bobbed her head up and down, encouraged by the sounds coming from Severus, even muted through the ear plugs. Hermione could tell he was close. She wasn't sure how powerful his ejaculation was going to be this time, so she withdrew, noting that at least if she swallowed next time, he wasn't going to shoot up into her sinuses if he came in her mouth.

Severus erection finally flagged for the first time and he gave a sigh of relief, but it wasn't long before he was erect and begging for relief from the pressure.

Hermione noted on the parchment that he came nine times before his erection waned for the first time.

Kneeling before him again, her desire building within herself even without the Arousal Potion, she unbuttoned her blouse and removed her bra. Grasping the sides of her breasts, she pushed them together as Severus' cock rested between her cleavage as she moved up and down. Licking Severus' head with a sweep of her tongue, she began using her breasts instead of her hands to stroke his rigid length, each time licking the tip with the rise and fall of her movements.

She had never done anything like this to Severus. Without prompting, she showed creative initiative, which thrilled Severus, making him even more impossibly aroused.

Watching her kneel before him, pressing her breasts together, licking him with relish, Severus came once again, but this time there was nearly nothing left. He choked out a guttural grunt of pain as his balls began to dry heave, having spent everything inside of himself. Sweat began to drip from his brow and sting his eyes.

As his orgasm waned, with just a few paltry drops of semen dribbling from the tip, Severus wondered if he was truly up to seeing this through to the end. This was nearly as bad as the time during his apprenticeship when Chuff made him test the potency and length of a rash- and boil-inducing potion. Severus had to suffer for six hours until the potion waned and results were recorded for Chuff's research, in which Severus was the test subject.

The seizing of his balls when there was nothing left to ejaculate was bad enough, even aching, but even with the Male Enhancement Potion increasing his stamina and strength, he was ever physically ready to go after countless orgasms. Still, he was a Potions master and Hermione did not exactly have the right equipment to faithfully test this on herself. And there was no way Draco would agree to this phase of testing. He decided to see how much longer he could stand this as a testament of his own resolve.

It was nearly half an hour and Hermione signaled it was almost time for her to take the Arousal Potion herself. Was he truly up to having Hermione shag him when there was nothing left to give? His erection was still there, begging for more than her hands or mouth, but could he delay his orgasm to avoid another dry orgasm?

Severus nodded that she should go ahead and take the Libido Potion, the double dose of his own potions still making him hungry to sink himself into Hermione. Perhaps coupling was the way to relieve himself of this innate desire to bang Hermione senseless; it appeared that masturbation was an ineffective stop gap, given that intercourse seemed to have lessened the Arousal Potion's potency in the end during previous trials.

Upon Hermione drinking the full-potency arousal solution, she didn't bother to release Severus from his bounds as she ditched her shirt and underpants in haste and proceeded to mount Severus in his chair, facing away from him. As she sheathed Severus in her, he gave out a great whimper, more as if in relief from pain than from satisfaction of finally entering her.

Severus cried and begged to be released from his confines, which only seemed to speed up Hermione's movements atop him. Finally, it seemed that Hermione took pity on Severus, as he noticed a flick of her wand and then his bindings were gone.

Grabbing Hermione by the hips, he nearly fell forward out of his chair, his muscles sore from straining against his bonds, and slid out of the chair. Hermione stayed joined with him and sank down onto her knees in front of him as he entered her from behind, his knees finally making contact with the floor.

It was desperate and sloppy. Even after Severus suffered from another dry orgasm, his cry more in pain than in pleasure, he kept on going, his erection still firm and needy. Severus' hips seemed to move out of their own accord with little regard for position or pleasure. Sweat dripped from his nose and chin in heavy drops to fall on Hermione's hips as she bucked back.

Hermione, in her own potion-induced desperation, was unaware of how Severus' condition was deteriorating. She tried arching her back and angling her hips in a way to give her more pleasure, but she could tell that the strain of the two potions in Severus was already taxing him close to the limits of his own strength.

Severus was panting and sweating. His breath was ragged and his lungs hurt as he tried to get more oxygen into his lungs to keep moving in a way his body demanded without reason. He repositioned himself so he was on his back as Hermione remounted him, continuing to face away from him.

The wooden floor was unforgiving to her knees, but she ignored the discomfort, desperate to fuck Severus.

Upon turning around to face him, as she continued to rock and bounce, Hermione saw Severus' face. He was looking like he was ready to collapse from sheer exhaustion. Sweat-soaked hair plastered his face, and his eyes were heavy and unfocused from the exertion. Seeing him in such a state, she felt the effects of the potion quickly wane to the point where she decided to climb off him and check on him. He protested weakly at the removal of his member from her warmth.

Placing a hand at Severus' neck to check his pulse, she noticed it was high and a bit erratic.

Concerned that other complications were arising, Hermione held three fingers aloft and asked, "Severus, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Four?" he weakly muttered.

"Do you have any ringing in your ears?"

"No," he groaned.

"How is your head feeling?"

"Missing your tightness."

"No, Severus, your other head," she said, her voice becoming more concerned. "Do you have a headache?"

"I don't know. Maybe," he said uncertainly, his eyes squinting.

Hermione pried one eye open to look at his pupils. His eyes were naturally black, but normally she could at least tell where the pupils ended and the irises began upon close inspection. Tonight, it looked like they were nearly all pupil.

Severus lifted a hand to shield his eyes from the brightness of the kitchen light.

As the sweat continued to pour down his forehead and drip down his check, his cock still twitched for attention. His breathing was becoming shallow and more labored.

Hermione, feeling the effects of the arousal potion nearly gone with the adrenaline of Severus in danger, reached for the vial of antidote and announced, "Severus, we're ending this now."

"No," he protested, as he weakly tried to push Hermione's hand away, but failed. His eyes began to roll up into his head.

Not waiting any longer, Hermione poured the antidote down Severus' throat and waited for him to snap out of this state.

A shudder overtook his body and he violently convulsed on the floor, slumping sideways against Hermione. She held onto him, hoping this was just a reaction to the antidote, remembering the involuntary shudder that overtook her body after taking it.

The seizure stopped and Severus continued to lie there panting heavily, his head resting in her lap.

In a voice much closer to his normal tone, versus the strange delirious one he’d spoken with moments before, he croaked, "I wanted to see how this double potion behaved."

Hermione tenderly swept the sweat-soaked tendrils out of Severus' face as she began listing off all the physical signs she’d noted before giving Severus the antidote, including the eyes rolling up into his head.

"I don't remember..."

"Memory loss was something you did list as a side effect," she reminded him.

"That I did indeed," he suddenly recalled. "Then you chose a fine time to end the experiment if I was that far gone."

Severus and Hermione continued to lie on the kitchen floor, both partially clothed and completely disheveled.

"Can you get up and to the bathroom? You're drenched with sweat," his apprentice noted.

"I'm not sure, but we'll find out now, won't we."

Severus had great difficulty getting up and needed to lean on Hermione to get himself to the bathroom. Once there, she helped him disrobe and slip into the bath. After he settled, Hermione began tending to him, washing his hair and soaping him down. Severus was completely worn out.

"Are you still feeling any effects of the potions, or did the one dose of the antidote take care of that?" she asked.

"Completely done and over," he sighed, as he tried to stay awake, feeling the tender ministrations of Hermione lovingly wash him. "Did you take the antidote?"

"No, seeing you in distress seemed to have countered the effects rather suddenly," she remarked, then added, "Much like being rejected by Ron, then running into Alan, tampered down the effects of the Blue Fairy Martini. Fear, anger, or adrenaline of some sort seems to counter the effects."

"Interesting," Severus replied drowsily. "Include it in your report. I don't remember much except the pain, ceaseless orgasms, dry orgasms, mindless need to hump anything, and only snippets of the delirium. Your report will be the one Miss Brown needs to read carefully."

"I'll write it up just as soon as I've got you tucked into bed," she answered him, but noted that he had suddenly fallen asleep in the bath.

Hermione rinsed him off and cast a Mobilicorpus to lift and carry his body back to bed, drying him off with a towel before lowering him into bed, tucking him in for the night.

Once put to bed, Hermione went off to the kitchen to set the room to rights. She cleared out her equipment that she brought, and marked any remaining potion for Severus to have delivered back to his work. Then she began writing her report for her future boss.

Recalling events clearly, Hermione wrote down the sequence of events, the order in which they occurred, and their approximate time. After she had filled out three scrolls with all necessary details, she rolled them up and left them for Severus to find in the morning.

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A/N: Some of the side effects of Severus taking the Male and Libido Enhancing Potions are side effects of Viagra, the little blue pill for erectile dysfunction.

As for Severus' joke about snakes not biting members of Slytherin House, it a play on the old joke about the lawyers and sharks:
“Why won't a shark attack a lawyer swimming in the ocean?
Professional courtesy.”

And let's give a round of thanks to my betas, JuneW and Cytherea, for their work on this chapter and the previous one, Chapter 60.
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And They Didn\'t Live Happily Ever After