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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
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LOST AND DAMNED

Part Three

In a Place of Hearts and Ghosts

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"You will have to give Voldemort the correct date of Harry's departure from his aunt and uncle's. Not to do so will raise suspicion, when Voldemort believes you so well informed. However, you must plant the idea of using decoys; that, I think, ought to ensure Harry's safety. Try Confunding Mundungus Fletcher. And Severus, if you are to take part in the chase, you must be sure to play your part convincingly. I am counting on you to remain in Lord Voldemort's good books as long as possible, or Hogwarts will be left at the mercy of the Carrows."

That was only if the Dark Lord succeeded, however, Severus thought gloomily. Sadly, Severus didn't doubt the Dark Lord's plans would go through. He would take over the Ministry and, in turn, Hogwarts. He made many a comment of placing Severus as the headmaster and placing Amycus and Alecto Carrow as his Deputy Heads. Hogwarts was much better off as was, under Minerva McGonagall's control and untouched by the Darkness of the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. Severus had no idea what he would do if it actually came to that, though he supposed he would have to come up with something soon. The more time that passed, the more likely it became that that was exactly what was going to happen. He would have to play his part and do nothing that would make the Carrows or the Dark Lord suspicious…and at the same time he would have to protect the students. What a task his mentor had left him with, he thought bitterly. This was what he got, he figured, for getting himself into this complicated mess.

Severus sat in a dark corner in a dingy cavern in Knockturn Alley. He didn't doubt he'd be seeing Mundungus himself soon enough. This was just the sort of place that fitted such a man and he had done enough research to know that the man came in here several times a week. All he had to do now was wait.

If this decoy plan failed…If Harry got hurt…Severus was going to bring Albus back and kill him all over again. Probably not…Just thinking it made Severus cringe and all of that awful guilt and self hatred to return. At any rate, it wasn't as if it would do much good…Nothing anyone did these days was safe. The Dark Lord hadn't seen so much success during the First Wizarding War. Things were worse than ever…How could he expect his lover to be okay? Especially when he was the Dark Lord's target. Especially when Albus had already told him the boy was to die.

Severus liked to comfort himself these days by telling himself that maybe there was a way around it…that maybe things would turn out okay. Maybe Harry would live. Maybe Albus was wrong. Sadly, it was hard trying to make himself actually believe it.

It was pure agony, thinking of Harry. The feat for his lover, the need for his lover, all of it was driving him mad. It was hard not to think about him, either. Not when he was a very big subject among the Death Eaters. Not when he was all Albus's portrait (one Albus made sure he would have after everything was all said and done) wanted to talk about. Harry was a central figure in this whole war. He had even come here with the intent to talk about Harry.

Yet there was no relief. He didn't get to see Harry…Didn't dare contact him. Didn't dare take any of the pictures with him or the gifts or anything. All he had were his memories and, worse, his nightmares involving the torture and murder of his lover and other awful visions forced into his mind when the Dark Lord explained in great detail all of the horrid things he would enjoy seeing done to the Chosen One.

Severus wanted to kill him. He wanted to kill all of them for every last thing they threatened to do to Harry. Bellatrix often pleaded with the Dark Lord to torture the boy before his death, something the Dark Lord was willing to give, should she remain as faithful and useful as she was. He liked to tell Severus often that he might let him rape Harry…"one more round with his young, delectable body…yes…you have earned the right to take some pleasure from him before we dispose of him." It disgusted him…Some of his worst dreams involved doing just that…raping the man he loved for his psychopath of a 'master.'

He was not left to his thoughts for very long, thankfully. He noticed the moment Mundungus Fletcher walked into the establishment, sitting himself at a small booth not far from where Severus sat. Severus immediately stood, knowing he would have to make quick work before anyone else approached the criminal. He wasn't sure if the man had any plans to meet with anyone, but it didn't hurt to assume that to be the case. Severus quickly glanced around the place as he walked towards Mundungus. No one was eying him or approaching him…the tavern was almost empty, actually, and Severus could see why it would hardly be a very popular place.

He made quick and silent work of performing the Confundus Charm on Mundungus before letting himself be seen and sliding into the seat in front of him. He had to do his best to use it nonverbally andwandlessly to avoid undesired attention, but it also meant that holding the charm up long enough to do this would be a bit tricky. He frowned and concentrated on keeping Mundungus under his spell. "You will suggest to the Order of the Phoenix that they use decoys. Polyjuice Potion. Identical Potters. It is the only thing that might work. You will forget that I have suggested this. You will present it as your own idea. You understand?"

"I understand," the man murmured.

"Good," Severus muttered, glancing around once again before sliding out of the booth and quickly heading off. He didn't dare let go of the charm until he knew Mundungus wouldn't see him or recognize him. He took one more glance at the man before leaving entirely, pleased to see him still sitting dumbly at his booth. The magic it took to continue the charm without a wand and from this distance was taxing and Severus finally let it go, feeling a bit dizzy as the magic dropped, but he caught himself and continued to watch Mundungus for a minute. The man didn't see him and didn't seem anything but confused. It worked. Relaxing a bit, Severus stepped out of the tavern and immediately Disapparated.

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Two days later, Severus found himself Apparating right in front of Malfoy Manor after leaving the tavern yet again, making sure the Order of the Phoenix was going along with his suggestion. It wouldn't do well to have gone through all of that trouble only to give the Dark Lord the wrong news. He and Yaxley arrived around the same time, close to being late for the newest Death Eater meeting. It was a somber affair, especially hard on Severus, seeing the sort of state his friends were in. Once proud (arrogantly so), the Malfoys now seemed dim and submissive…Haughty they might have been, but their confidence had always been part of their charm and their greatness. But there they sat, his dear friends Lucius, Narcissa, and Draco, heads bowed and being put to shame by the Dark Lord's constant taunting.

"Maybe we can kill the Mudblood Granger first, hm?" the Dark Lord would say. "It would be great torment to young Harry Potter…and it would be a great test, young Draco, to where your loyalties lie…There are more attractive, more pure women meant for you, aren't there? It truly is a pity you tainted yourself…ha. Loving a Mudblood. How pathetic."

The crowd would jeer and Draco had stopped reminding them that he had only dated Hermione to help get close to her and Harry…Even if it wasn't true, it was the impression he had given them. Draco was doing much better at hiding his concern and his terror, at least. He barely flinched and any reactions he might have had could have been written off as his humiliation. Severus had to bite his own tongue when the Dark Lord glanced in amusement at him and the others all sniggered, as well. Some of them remembered well, how he had pleaded for Lily Potter's life. No matter where he stood with the Dark Lord, they would always find his 'shortcomings' amusing. Even the Dark Lord still found great humor in his past feelings for Lily (though the Dark Lord at least wrote them off as attractions…lusting a Mudblood was slightly better than loving one) and especially in his more homosexual tendencies, always offering him the honor of raping Harry before he died and saying that, as headmaster of Hogwarts, he could have the arse of all of the young boys he wanted (as long as they weren't Death Eater children or purebloods at all, really, of course…no need to taint the important ones).

At least his favor with the Dark Lord kept him from the more harsh treatment others received. The Dark Lord went on to tease Bellatrix and Narcissa about their niece's, Nymphadora Tonks', recent marriage to one Remus Lupin. Bellatrix proudly proclaimed they had disowned their Muggle-loving sister Andromeda and had nothing to do with her or her half blooded, werewolf-loving brat. He teased them further and took Lucius Malfoy's wand for his own use (Severus truly pitied the man…even if the man made it difficult at times, Severus cared for his man as his oldest friend and an old lover) and pointed out how displeased the family was by his presence in their home.

The hardest event of the night was the death of Charity Burbage. They had her hanging above their table and she looked as though she had been tortured for days. She was the old Muggle Studies teacher from Hogwarts and Severus knew her well. Severus had never been close with her, but he held no real contempt towards her. Charity Burbage was a very accepting and non-judgmental woman. She was one of very few people who knew of Severus's sexual preferences and one of even fewer who didn't seem to mind them much. She and Albus Dumbledore were the only people Severus could ever remember making a stand against homosexuality in their world, but with little support, their passion for the subject was quieted and forgotten and entirely unsupported. She was very idealistic and annoying, honestly, but Severus certainly wished her no ill will. He felt some bit of regret sitting there, letting her suffer. He felt even worse as she spoke his name, pleading with him to help her. He wanted to dig himself a hole and crawl in it to escape the scrutiny of his peers and the horrible self-loathing he felt as he sat there and let the Dark Lord kill her without so much as a word in her defense.

"Yes, Professor Burbage taught the children of witches and wizards all about Muggles," the Dark Lord had began his introduction of her. "how they are not so different from us. Not content with corrupting and polluting the minds of Wizarding children, last week Professor Burbage wrote an impassioned defense of Mudbloods in the Daily Prophet. Wizards, she says, must accept these thieves of their knowledge and magic. The dwindling of the purebloods is, says Professor Burbage, a most desirable circumstance…She would have us all mate with Muggles…or, no doubt, werewolves."

The Dark Lord's tone had been furious as he spoke. Wrath enough to scare everyone, allowing no amusement to be had among them. They all sat in silence and watched as Charity Burbage died and as the Dark Lord announced dinner for Nagini…Watching the snake slither up onto the table, eating the woman while the Dark Lord continued on, announcing that next Saturday night they would have Harry Potter and he would be dead.

Everything within Severus raged as the Dark Lord spoke. Every inch of him was alive and burning in fury. He wanted to rip the man to shreds. He wanted to slice up every smug smirk and psychotic gleam in the faces of the other Death Eaters. No one would be hurting Harry. The mere thought of it was torturous. He hated them. Never, in all of his life, had he despised being in this position so much. Not Lily's death, not all of the torture he had gone through, none of the near-death experiences, nothing…nothing in all of his career as a Death Eater had made him so sick…made him actually question his ability to keep up this ruse. Here he was, listening to them plot out the torture and death of the man he loved…having to join in and pretend there was nothing he would enjoy more than seeing Harry Potter dead.

"The perfect revenge on James Potter, eh, Severus?" Abaddon Avery would cackle.

But he's not James Potter! And no revenge on his old school bully was worth the pain that would come with losing Harry. Harry wasn't James…He wasn't even Lily. He was Harry. His Harry.

Ripping out his heart would surely be less painful than all of this nonsense.

The meeting didn't last much longer once Nagini ate Charity Burbage and Severus was glad of it. The Dark Lord walked off with Balthazar Avery and Tuomas Mulciber in a deep and quiet conversation into what used to be Lucius Malfoy's office. It had apparently been transformed into something more suitable to the Dark Lord's needs. Most people left, but a small group remained behind. Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Rabastan, Amycus, and Alecto were all having a very lively discussion about the sorts of awful things they wanted to do to various people.

"You think it wise to use the Imperius on someone with…ahhh…mental instabilities?" Bellatrix was asking with a sly grin.

"Probablly…I don't see why not," Alecto said. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing…I merely thought it would be fun to see how Neville Longbottom might react when faced with dear old mum and dad," Bellatrix said with a grin.

Severus walked as far from them as he could. He honestly did not think he could handle much more of this tonight and he was very close to hexing that awful sadistic grin from Bellatrix Lestrange's face.

He was much more interested in finding Draco.

Instead he found himself stopped by one of the last people he expected: Oedipus Odell, younger brother of his ex lover, Orpheus Odell. Severus had been in school with Oedipus, in the same year…He was more attractive than his older brother and infinitely more annoying and arrogant. He was an incredibly handsome man of thirty-seven with dark auburn hair and the same honey colored eyes as his brother. He had a bright smile that could charm the panties off of any witch but there was a certain wickedness in it now that made him look severely dangerous.

"Hello, Severus," said Oedipus, turning away from Ezra Nott and Abbadon Avery to look at him.

Severus held his head high, not willing to let the likes of this snobby young man make him feel inferior as he had while they were in school. "Oedipus," he said dryly. "My sincerest apologies."

Oedipus raised an eyebrow.

"I heard, of course, that your wife left you for a Muggle man," Severus reminded him, pleased by the way his smug smirk fell away and those cold honey eyes narrowed.

"Might save that for our children…Seeing as I had to kill their darling mother," Oedipus spat. "Ursula Odell, pronounced dead at 3 or so this afternoon, causes unknown," Oedipus said mockingly. "Causes being a very nasty Killing Curse upon her and her Muggle toy. No matter. My children do not need such influence in their lives."

"Indeed," Severus said dryly. Ezra and Abaddon snickered and Oedipus gave Severus his nastiest glare. While killing Ursula and her lover had saved him a bit of face, there was still cause for humiliation in the fact that his beautiful pureblood bride had been unfaithful with what was little more than an animal to them.

"A blood traitor for a wife and a fag for a brother," Ezra cackled. "Quite the family you have there, Odell."

Oedipus looked alarmed and he spun around to glare at them. "What the bloody hell are you talking about? My brother?"

"Yeah. Wasn't he screwing Snape for a few years a while back?" Abaddon said, sneering at Severus.

"Ah, you must be mistaken, Avery," Severus said. He was a bit amused that Oedipus didn't know just how much these people knew about his family. "I was screwing Orpheus…He's always been a bottom, you know."

Ezra and Abaddon laughed hard and Oedipus glowered hard at Severus, as though he could set the other man on fire with just his look.

"Liked sucking cock, too, did he?" Abaddon grinned.

"Oh yes…He enjoyed it immensely, if I recall," Severus said. He felt a bit bad about using Orpheus in such a manner of amusement among the Death Eaters, but it did feel good to put Oedipus in his place. The man looked absolutely furious and embarrassed. It was one thing having a gay brother, it was another thing for him to be the girl. Severus almost snorted at the thought, thoughts straying over to Harry again and his young lovers own feelings over being thought of as the girl.

"Luckily I have nothing to do with that faggot then," Oedipus seethed. "You are both disgusting beasts, that's what you are. No better than Muggles or Mudbloods or Blood Traitors, the lot of you. How on earth a queer like you managed to become such a favorite of our lord or such a dear friend of the Malfoys is beyond me…probably working on making the rest of us gay so you have somewhere to stick it when Potter drops dead, but trust me…I doubt even Wormtail would put out for you if you succeeded. Being hideous and queer can't do much for your sex life, can it?"

The bullying over his sexuality never got old, did it? Severus was used to it by now, and while it didn't really bother him as much as it used to, he couldn't just let it go. He moved closer to Oedipus, pleased when the man stepped back hurriedly, his beautiful face red and twisted up in his self righteous anger. "I managed to stick it in your brother and the great 'hero' of the Wizarding world. But never fear, Oedipus…I'm not interested in the likes of you."

Abaddon chuckled. "Hear that, Odell? Even Snape won't fuck you."

Severus smirked and walked off, listening to Oedipus hiss, "Shut up," at his friends. Perhaps he shouldn't have instigated things with Oedipus, but he had known the man long enough to know that if Severus didn't start something that the other man would. Oedipus Odell had a tendency to seek out trouble. He enjoyed fighting too much, which didn't do him well these days. Not when his mother turned out to be a halfblood who lied about her blood status…not when his wife abandoned him for a Muggle…not when his brother was gay…and certainly not when his oldest child, his son Orson Odell, was fighting on the opposite side of the war. It was easy…too easy…to get Oedipus Odell riled up nowadays and Severus enjoyed putting Oedipus in his place immensely. It was the sweetest revenge for all the years Oedipus spent taunting him, not only in school but shortly after joining the Death Eaters. Severus would admit he had harbored a small attraction to Oedipus while in school when he discovered his sexuality. Oedipus had always been incredibly attractive…sadly his physical beauty did little to make his atrocious personality appealing.

He let thoughts of Oedipus Odell fall away, though, in favor of hunting down his godson. He found Narcissa in the sitting room with Abaddon's wife, Honor Avery. No Draco to be found, though.

"You really shouldn't press Oedipus in such a manner, you know," Narcissa said with an amused smile.

"You heard, I take?" Severus asked, rolling his eyes at their shameless grins. "I do not take kindly to eavesdroppers."

"Oh hush. You're in my home, may I remind you, Severus," Narcissa said with a smile.

"Ahh, how could I forget?" Severus said. "Do you know where Draco is? I was hoping to speak with him before I leave."

"Lucius took him out to the gardens…Needed to speak privately with him," Narcissa said with a shrug. "I doubt he'd mind the interruption, though, if it's important."

"It is," Severus said, feeling sick at the thought of Lucius needed private time with his son. Surely not…No, he wouldn't dare with such company in his home.

Narcissa nodded and stood and wlaked over to him, giving him a quick hug. "Thank you so much…again. I owe you everything, Severus," she whispered into his ear and gave him a kiss on the cheek before falling back. Every time Severus saw her the woman was always thanking him for what he had done, for saving Draco. He had to think of it that way…It was a lot easier to think of the even as helping Draco rather than killing Albus.

With a nod, Severus left Narcissa and Honor to their talking and headed out towards the back of the house and out into the gardens. They were glorious and looked so hauntingly beautiful in the nighttime. Now was no time to appreciate their beauty, however. He had more important things to attend to than admiring the pond or the stone benches or all of the beautiful flowers or even the stunning labyrinth right in the middle. There was a lovely stone pathway that led all around the garden, the start of it framed by two bushes cut into the shape of a lovely unicorn reaching out its front hooves to the front legs of a dragon. Very fitting for the image the Malfoys liked to project: beauty and grace as well as power and fear. Severus walked between them and under their outreached limbs and headed down the pathway. He saw the gloriously pure white peacock from earlier run out ahead of him and disappeared into the darkness again.

It, sadly, didn't take long for Severus to find them. He heard before he saw them and immediately grabbed his wand, fingers so tight around it he feared he might actually snap it. "Father, please…don't," Draco was begging, voice near hysteria.

"Shhh…my dear Draco…I missed you so much," Lucius whispered in that loving and seductive tone that could make one feel safe and incredibly turned on at the same time. Severus had been victim to that tone before, but right now he felt nothing but nauseous. When was this going to stop? How long had it been continuing?

Severus closed his eyes, wishing he could drown out the sound of Draco's pleasured moans, the sound tainted by the undertones of shame and misery. He didn't want it to feel good, but whatever it was, did. Severus could see it behind his eyes…Lucius reaching into his son's pants or even on his knees before his son…Lucius always could do amazing things with that sharp tongue of his…Severus shuddered and it wasn't a pleasant one. He wanted to castrate the man. Sadly, he knew too much commotion would bring too much unwanted attention upon the situation and no matter what hell Lucius deserved, Severus could not put Draco through that.

Trembling in his disgust and his rage, Severus took a moment to calm himself, not wanting to seem as though he knew what exactly was going on. Sadly the deep moaning and disturbing wet sounds made it difficult to concentrate. "Draco?" Severus called out, grateful he managed some control over his voice. You nasty, vile pig Lucius. I am going to fucking rip off your dick and force feed it to you! he wanted to scream, imagining all the horrid things he wanted to shout at his best friend.

The gasps were heard immediately as well as the rustling of clothes. Severus rolled his eyes. Were they even trying to hide it? Severus walked slowly towards the sound, only allowing himself to speed up a bit when his godson called back, "I…um…I'm back here, Seve…rus!"

Severus took a deep breath and turned around the side of the maze where Draco was sitting at a lovely glass table in one of his mother's favorite and nicest outdoor chairs: highly uncomfortable, but very beautiful and silver. His face was pink and wet with tears, though he had at least hastily tried to wipe them away. Lucius stood with his back to them, idly fingering a dark red rose in the rose bush.

"I was hoping to have a word with you before I leave," Severus said.

"You may do so here…I must return to the house," Lucius said with more calmness than his son, turning and quickly striding back down the same path Severus had come down. Severus, meanwhile, walked over to where Draco sat, sitting at the same table, across from him.

"You remember the curse Harry used on Nott?" Severus asked.

"Mhm," Draco said.

"It does well with cutting off body parts, you know," Severus said.

Draco froze and swallowed hard after a moment, turning redder. Severus frowned at the pain that filled those silver eyes and the deep shame Severus could almost feel radiating from him. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"You do not have to allow him to do this to you. It is right foolish of him to attempt to do so right under the noses of such a group of people," Severus remarked.

"I don't want to talk about it," Draco snapped. "I'm alive. He isn't hurting me. It's fine."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "You surely know better than that."

"Look. There are more important things going on in the world. I can handle this," Draco said.

Severus nodded slowly and reluctantly. He didn't want to just let it go…They needed to do something about Lucius…But Draco was right. As bad as it sounded, there were more important things to focus on. Things were harder than ever for them now, especially putting the prospect of the danger their loved ones were in on top of it all. "You paid attention tonight, I presume?"

"To?" Draco asked.

"My news," Severus explained. He leaned in closer and glanced around to be sure they were alone. He still didn't quite trust saying it aloud. "They will be using decoys…Polyjuicing various Order members to look like Harry. We will, of course, be going after them…We can almost guarantee Granger will be among them. You know her…She won't just let Harry go off by himself without risking her pretty little neck. They are Gryffindors."

Draco's eyes were wide. "Fuck. Hermione…Fuck!"

"Yes," Severus said. "I do not like it more than you…But there's nothing we can do on that front. What we can do is make sure we're there…That we're part of the group going after them. We can at least attempt to protect them if we are among them."

"How? You don't think us swooping in to save the day will go unnoticed?" Draco snapped.

Severus raised his eyebrow. "They're called nonverbal spells. Aiming close enough to look like you're targeting them, but missing on purpose. We have a short time to train you for this, Draco."

"I…But…wh…I…" Draco sputtered.

"You want to protect Harry and Granger, don't you?"

"Of course!" Draco hissed.

"Good," Severus said. "I will speak with the Dark Lord, as well as your parents, about the possibility of bringing you to my home for some private training…if not there, perhaps I'll see what I can do about doing so here. The least they'll allow me to do is brush you up on the use of nonverbal curses."

"I…" Draco said. "Do you really think this will work?"

"It has to," Severus said simply. "I will not let anything happen to Harry and I will do my damned best to make sure he suffers no unnecessary losses." If Harry lost one of his friends, Severus wasn't sure what he would do…His lover had suffered so much already in his young life. Too much. And would still. "It will be chaotic…Everyone will be too focused on their own objectives to pay us much mine. As long as we aren't making ourselves known…if we do our best to be stealthy, then nothing should go wrong. We will be able to protect them to the best of our abilities while keeping our cover. Of course, it will be dangerous out there…If you are unwilling-"

"Don't go there!" Draco snarled. "Of course I'd…Damn it. I'd do anything for her. I love her! And Harry…he's the best friend I've ever had! I…I…"

"Good," Severus said. "If all goes as planned, we will begin training in the morning."

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Lost and Damned