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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24088 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 64
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LOST AND DAMNED

Promise Me You'll Never Feel Afraid

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The Dark Lord was furious.

The Death Eaters all sat around the long dining table in Malfoy Manor, eyes downcast and bodies tense in fear as their lord's red eyes trailed over them. Harry Potter had escaped…Harry Potter was alive. Severus could not believe his good fortune and had to use a lot of self restraint to keep his relief and pleasure from his face. He shouldn't be feeling such things when the Dark Lord was in such a dangerous mood…it would be right stupid to let anything like that be noticed.

"Harry Potter…so close to my grasp…yet he escaped death…yet again," the Dark Lord said, voice quiet but deadly…a promise of pain and horror. "Severus…"

Severus straightened, body tightening a bit in awful anticipation. He heard a few noises that could have been the start of snickers quickly twisted into coughs or hiccups or gasps or other things to keep themselves from outright laughing. He felt those cold fingers trail along his back before falling away as the Dark Lord walked around the table, keeping close to the backs of their chairs, making it difficult for anyone to find any calmness or relaxation.

"I was not aware that there would be seven Harry Potters tonight," the Dark Lord said.

Severus swallowed hard. He had delivered more information than anyone here, and yet one small mistake…not knowing one thing…"Neither did I, my lord."

The Dark Lord looked as though he might say more, but his eyes snapped up and away from Severus, looking down the table. "Yes, you smirk, Bertram, and yet I do not recall you presenting me with any useful information. Severus, at least, brought me closer to Harry Potter. You? What did you give me? Where would we have been had we followed your lead?"

Bertram Yaxley flushed deeply and Severus thought he noticed the other man tremble slightly. Only seconds later his body was jerking horribly and he screamed loudly as the Dark Lord's whispered "Crucio" hit him. Azrael Avery and Amycus Carrow both scooted their chairs aside as Bertram fell out of his seat, writhing on the floor in pain for several long seconds as the Dark Lord help up his wand. For a moment, Severus wondered if he would ever stop it, and eventually he did relent. Bertram gasped loudly and grasped the sides of the table, struggling to pull himself back into his seat. No one smirked. No one laughed.

Severus appeared to have fallen upon some luck…the Dark Lord didn't see it fit to punish him, as well. "No matter," the Dark Lord said instead, sitting at his place at the head of the table. "Harry Potter will be mine before long…Until then, how is the Ministry coming along?"

Bertram Yaxley, eager to redeem himself, launched into explanations of his success in putting another department Head under the Imperius Curse, Seraphina Myles from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Severus had a feeling he knew that name and it took a few seconds for him to remember that was the same of Septima's sister's, Octavia Vector's, lover. They were the women Severus had been working on a potion for…a potion to allow two women to conceive together. He had no idea she was such a high ranking official within the Ministry, to be the Head of a department…Severus vaguely wondered if the Ministry workers knew of her sexual preferences. Somehow Severus didn't think Seraphina would have gotten such a position if anyone had known beforehand. That didn't matter much now…not when the woman was under the Imperius Curse. He couldn't help but also wonder if the Imperius Curse was affecting anything other than her work life…if Octavia noticed anything…if Octavia would notice enough to be able to do something about it. Surely two people so close would notice something of such a nature and would be able to do something to fix it. Any way that the Dark Lord's plans could be harmed would be good.

Bertram was also working on getting a few others, so that they would be able to kill the Minister of Magic before long…The Dark Lord was, it seemed, pleased to remind him that he had had high hopes of the Ministry having fallen before tonight.

"…I should have Garvin Grey by tomorrow…" Bertram was explaining hastily, going over how easy it would be to get more people now that he already had a few under his thumb. It shouldn't be more than a few days before they could finally kill Rufus Scrimgeour. He also made a few points as to why he should be present when said event happened and entered into an argument with Rodolphus Lestrange as to why he couldn't be there.

"What would be the point of Imperiusing various department heads to stage a coup if our kind will be there to perform the deeds?" the Dark Lord inquired.

"It would be good for me to be present to keep a better hold over the Imperius," Bertram explained. "It wouldn't hurt to have someone there to keep an eye over things…Make sure they stay in line and make sure no one tries to stop them and such matters…my lord."

"Yes…You do make a valid point," the Dark Lord said with a smirk. "However, I am not convinced you are the man for the job."

Bertram paled and his eyes widened a bit, clearly displeased and a bit scared, even. This had been his project for weeks and he wasn't even being granted the honor of being there for the overtaking of the Ministry of Magic? Severus glanced around the table, unsurprised to find the wondering eyes of the others, all wondering who it was that would be granted the honor. Severus didn't understand why he didn't just give Bertram the job…The man had been working on it for much longer and would probably fall into the role much easier than anyone else.

"Perhaps Lucius…Augustus…Walden, even…All know the ins and outs of the Ministry better than most," the Dark Lord suggested.

"They were all in Azkaban not long ago," Bertram pointed out, struggling to keep his voice even and do nothing to upset his master.

"We have Polyjuice Potion, thanks to Severus," the Dark Lord said. "Ahh yes…Why didn't I suggest it…Severus! The man who fooled Albus Dumbledore right to his death. He would do well, would he not?"

"You are…wise, as always, my lord," Bertram said. "But…I believe that since I have spent a great deal of time working on this…Perhaps I would better be able to work my way around the mission. I Imperiused them and I have spent a great deal of time at the Ministry. While I do not doubt they would all do just fine, you should have only the best fulfill this duty, my lord, and…I believe…I am the best choice for this."

"You have done a great deal, Bertram," the Dark Lord admitted. "However, you have been slacking with this particular assignment. I will consider the request, I believe."

"I…Thank you, my lord," Bertram said, looking as though he would have liked to say more, but decided against it. The Dark Lord seemed to notice this, for his smirk widened.

On the bright side, the Dark Lord at least seemed more focused on overtaking the Ministry instead of Harry for now, but it was hardly good news. The Dark Lord didn't need any more power than he already had. There was no stopping it, no matter how much he wanted to…Even if he did contact the Order with information or tried to stop the actions from the inside, what could he actually accomplish? He had to keep his position at all costs. He had to protect Hogwarts and its students. It wasn't like anyone else could stop the Dark Lord…It had to be Harry.

"We should prolong his death a short time, I believe," the Dark Lord was saying. "Attempt to…convince our dear Minister to give us what details he can of Harry Potter, hmm? I'm sure a few Cruciatuses down the line and he should be more than willing to let a few details slip."

The others sniggered in agreement and Bellatrix resumed kissing up to her lord and practically begging for the opportunity to be there with the others, to show them a thing or two about torture. Severus frowned in the meantime and casually glanced around, letting his eyes linger over Draco who caught his gaze and swallowed hard, the fear and worry clear in his silver gaze. Severus gave him a small nod and focused on the conversation. Severus doubted Rufus Scrimgeour knew much about Harry, but there was always a chance and it was a chance Severus did not like in the slightest.

Somehow, he was going to have to be part of the group that led Rufus Scrimgeour to his execution. There was no saving the man, but the least he could do was make sure the man could give them no useful information. While Rufus Scrimgeour at least seemed less cowardly and self-righteous than Cornelius Fudge had been, but Severus still didn't have much faith in the man.

The Dark Lord continued on about his plans for them…Recruit, recruit, recruit seemed to be most of what they were doing while they waited on more substantial plans to follow through, such as Bertram Yaxley's mission to Imperius various high-ranking Ministry officials and getting them to stage a coup to kill the Minister of Magic and take over his position (more than likely it would be Pius Thicknesse to take the role, Bertram said). They made mention of what they would do when they finally had the Ministry in their grasp and what they would do about Hogwarts and other such things, but the most important thing right now seemed to be focusing on actually getting to that point.

The conversations seemed to drone on longer than necessary, repeating and drilling into their heads over and over the things they had been over seemingly a thousand times. Eventually the Dark Lord let them go and Severus lingered about. He knew he couldn't stay forever, but part of him felt badly about walking away so soon, especially knowing what Lucius dared to do under the same roof as his wife and the Dark Lord and other Death Eaters. Their home seemed to open to everyone these days and apparently with more stress upon him, Lucius was taking riskier chances and sadly his son was suffering for it.

Severus had sworn at Draco's birth to do all that he could to protect the young boy, even if it meant protecting him from his own parents.

Draco sought him out instantly and requested a walk through the garden and with small groups still forming in the house to socialize a bit, they left relatively unnoticed, though Severus was well aware of Lucius Malfoy's eyes boring into them as they left.

"Has he-" Severus began.

Draco quickly cut him off. "No and stop asking me about my father," he said sharply and Severus glared at him for his rudeness. Draco sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about it. Anyway, did any of them get hurt? I know he said he trailed the real Harry and he survived, but…we never really discussed what happened to the others."

"One lost an ear," Severus said, frowning as Draco cringed horribly. What would Draco say if he had known Severus had done just that and the ear he cut off had been that of his darling Hermione Granger? Not as though he had meant to, but still…"Other than that, I do not think their side lost anyone…No serious injuries other than that, I don't believe."

"Oh…Good," Draco said, looking immensely relieved. "God, Severus…I don't know how you're dealing with it. This is driving me insane, not knowing how she is! I want more than anything to go see her and…and I don't even know! I just want her to be okay…Shite…and to just be here playing along with all of this and knowing how dangerous it is and always wondering if she's still alive…it's just…Merlin, I don't even know! I can't handle much more of this."

"But you have to," Severus reminded him quietly, heart aching for the pain of his godson and a sharp reminder of his own sufferings. "It is not easy for myself, either. But we must be strong for them…All you can do is focus on the cause and try to let that take over. It's what they would want, you know…For us to help in any way that we can. There is…little point in dwelling over the things we cannot change when we could be putting our efforts into the things we can do."

They walked under the unicorn and dragon and down the stone path that led all the way through the garden and around their maze. Peacocks pranced around the dark gardens and he could hear the quiet sound of the low branches of the willow tree dipping into the water of their pond as the wind blew. The moon was out, big and bright, lighting up the entire backyard in a silvery glow. It might have been mystical and beautiful had the entire night not been tainted by the pain and bloodshed and the horror that filled the once gorgeous and envied ancestral home of the Malfoys.

Draco was quiet for a while, but eventually stopped to sit on a stone bench parked near Narcissa's favorite flowers: lilacs and violets. Severus sat stiffly beside him. "I don't want to do this anymore," Draco said quietly.

"You can't just give up now, Draco. Even if I would allow you to show such cowardice as to worm your way out of this, you have little choice. The Dark Lord will kill you before he let you give up, even if you weren't running off to betray him," Severus said.

"I didn't say I had any intentions of leaving," Draco said irritably. "Am I not allowed to say it aloud? Am I not allowed to have my own feelings and opinions?"

"It does you no good to say them. Having any hope of getting out of this will only proceed to make it that much worse and that much harder to actually fulfill your duties. You must accept your fate as it is now and stop complaining about it," Severus said sharply. "We won't have any freedom until this war ends."

Draco opened his mouth angrily to retort, but Severus held up his finger. He wasn't sure if he saw or heard anything, though he thought he might have…if nothing else, it was a feeling. Someone was nearby and he tensed at the thought of someone overhearing them and mentally berating himself for even speaking of this so close to the others.

"Draco," called the familiar voice of Lucius Malfoy. "Your mother would like a word, if Severus is done with you."

Lucius stepped out into view, his silver eyes hard as he looked at Severus. Severus wasn't sure Lucius had overheard them…if he had, Severus didn't think the sudden coldness Lucius was showing him had anything to do with their conversation. Whatever it was, Severus was not comfortable with it in the slightest.

Draco shot Severus a questioning look as he stood up and nodded his head. "Alright. I think we're done," he said and walked down the path back towards the house. Lucius just stood there, staring at Severus with that same icy look in his gray eyes. He seemed upset about something and Severus did not like it at all. He had a strange feeling he understood what was going through Lucius's mind…being friends with someone for as long as they had did such things. Lucius said nothing, though, and neither did Severus. He made no movements and waited from action on Lucius's end before doing anything.

"You've been spending a great deal of time with Draco lately, Severus," Lucius said.

So he was right, Severus thought bitterly. "He is my godson…I am interested in his life."

"Hmm," Lucius said. "Not too interested, I hope."

"Not as interested as you, Lucius," Severus retorted coldly.

Lucius chuckled darkly. "He wouldn't be the first young boy you've lusted after, would he?"

Severus clenched his fists, an angry warmth spreading through his body. What Lucius was suggesting was horrible and using his relationship with Harry against him in such a way was awful. Severus glared at him dangerously and slowly stood up. "I started having sex with your son when he was…what? Thirteen? Fourteen? Do not stand there and try to lecture me, Lucius, or shove guilt into me when the only person here who deserves to feel any sort of shame is you."

Lucius's eyes flashed. "Draco is my son."

"Exactly," Severus hissed. "He is your son! Your flesh and blood! You should be protecting him and loving him as a father should. And fathers do not use their sons for their pleasure because they are too cowardly to admit who they really are and not willing to take the risk to find it elsewhere."

Lucius paled. "You don't understand…Draco…he…"

"He enjoys himself?" Severus supplied bitterly. "He doesn't say no? What, Lucius? What pathetic excuses are you stupid enough to try to give me?"

Lucius swallowed.

"The only reason I have done nothing to you for such a sinful transgression is because I know it would hurt Draco to do so. What I find particularly interesting and pathetic, though, is that your son loves you far more than you will ever love him," Severus said darkly, moving forward swiftly and purposefully shoving past Lucius. He thought of returning to the gathering, but he felt that in his state of irritation it would be best if he returned home and Disapparated midway down the stone path.

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Later that night (or rather, very early the next morning), Harry was laying in his bed at the Burrow, staring up at the dark ceiling. He was tired, but not sleepy…Every bit of him wanted desperately to sink into slumber, but had given up on his attempt to sleep hours ago. His head was still buzzing, thinking of Severus and Draco and Voldemort and the Death Eaters and the Weasleys and everyone he loved and everyone he hated and everything about this war. It was really here…really upon them…and it would not be long before he and Hermione set out to hunt down the remaining Horcruxes.

Harry was thinking hard over what the Horcruxes might be and where on Earth they'd even start trying to look or figure it out when the door creaked open. He glanced up, unsurprised to see Hermione sneaking into his room. She looked exhausted, but strangely wired at the same time. Her hair was tangled and bushier than usual and her brown eyes were wide and bloodshot and heavy bags sat beneath them. She looked rather pale, too, but Harry figured that might just be because of the way the moonlight poured into the room in a pale glow. She was wearing dark pink pajamas and her hand was at her neck, grasping, Harry realized, the necklace Draco had given her for Christmas.

"Oh good, you're awake," she said in relief, walking over and crawling into bed beside him. Harry scooted over to make room for her and turned onto his side to face her and she did the same. "I can't sleep."

"Neither can I," Harry admitted.

"Kingsley attacked Draco, you know. It's all I've been thinking about," Hermione said quietly. "I don't think he would have hurt us, but Kingsley didn't know that. I couldn't even get a good look to see if he was okay. It was just…a brief moment, I saw him. I was so happy to see him, even if it was in the middle of something like that. Crazy, isn't it?"

"I don't think so," Harry assured her quietly, feeling a pang of jealousy that seemed so strange, considering the situation. "I wish I had seen Severus…I wanted to look for him, but I got too caught up in defending myself to really look for him."

Hermione scooted closer and wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his chest for a moment before pulling back enough to look into his face. Harry moved his own arms around a bit to hold her, as well. It felt good to hold somebody…to have this sort of comfort. She wasn't Severus, but she was his best friend and for now it was all he had and it would be enough. "I'm really scared, Harry."

"Me too."

"I can't lose him…I lost Ron…" Hermione said, voice beginning to crack a bit and Harry frowned when he saw tears fill her chocolate brown eyes. "I loved him…he was my first love and…he died. And now Draco…I love him, too and…and he could die, too. I don't know if I can handle it, Harry, I really don't…And what's worse is not even knowing…Just having to sit here and imagine all of the horrible things that could be happening to them."

"I…'m sure they'll be fine," Harry lied quietly. Honestly, Harry had no idea that they'd be fine and had the same concerns Hermione did. All he could focus on was picturing awful things taking place…Voldemort hurting Severus and Draco. Torturing them or making them do horrible things or killing them or…Who knew.

"Don't say that," Hermione said quietly. She took a deep breath and sighed heavily. "This is so stupid…I can't…We can't do this. We have to…worry about the Horcruxes."

"I know."

"It's just…so hard. This war is so much bigger than us and our love lives…but part of me just wants to worry about Draco and make sure he's okay," Hermione confessed, laughing quietly. "Selfish, I know…I'd never do that. I'd never abandon you and I'd never give up on this…Not even for him. But…I'd like to."

"I know…Me too," Harry admitted, frowning. "Some heroes we make."

Hermione laughed softly and Harry cracked a small smile. He hardly felt humored at all, but it seemed the right thing to do…It seemed to make Hermione feel a little better.

"We just need to remind each other of that," Hermione said after a few moments. "Never let each other wallow in self pity. Alright? We'll…we'll make sure we stay focused on this. Honestly the best way we can protect them is by ending this war once and for all. So if either of us gets too depressed or distracted we will do whatever it takes to bring the other back into the real world. Got it?"

"Got it," Harry said, smiling again. Somehow, Harry didn't think it would be a real problem once they were out there. Now, with little to do, it was easy to obsess over such things. Once they were out and about actually doing something, though, Harry figured it would take a lot to get his mind off of his mission. Harry knew it was important…he understood what it meant…and he had every confidence that once he got to it, nothing would keep him down.

"And I love Mrs. Weasley," Hermione said, pulling Harry's covers up around her, "but she can stick her wand up her arse if she expects me to stay with Ginny. I don't care how improper it is, I'm staying here."

Harry managed a real smile as Hermione snuggled closer and he held her and let himself close his eyes. He never did fall asleep right away, but he was at least able to bask in the comfort his best friend could offer him.

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Lost and Damned