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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 65
- 66
- 67
LOST AND DAMNED

In the End Little He Can Do Alone

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The days at the Burrow were not as fun and relaxing as Harry might have hoped. Mrs. Weasley kept everyone busy getting the house ready for the wedding. According to Ginny, the moment Percy announced his engagement to Penelope, Mrs. Weasley had bullied them into marrying as soon as possible. Percy would have preferred a long engagement, but with the war looming over their heads and all of the family Penelope had already lost and how much the Weasley family had suffered already, the women were desperate for a happy affair and to expand their own families in a nice way. Of course, things weren't so pleasant right now. They spent their days cleaning and it hardly left Harry any time to make any real plans with Hermione or spend much quality time with the people he cared about before he left.

It was at least busy enough around the house that neither Mr. or Mrs. Weasley noticed Harry and Hermione's new sleeping arrangements, though Ginny seemed to have an idea, considering Hermione wasn't there when she woke up (as the two girls had originally been sharing Ginny's room). Harry was immensely grateful that he didn't have to deal with lectures about how inappropriate it was for an unmarried young man and woman to sleep in the same room, let alone the same bed. Harry sure as hell did not think this was the best time to "come out" to everyone else. Sleeping with Hermione, though, was a great comfort. He found he didn't suffer as many nightmares with someone else beside him. Harry had a feeling it couldn't be just anyone…Hermione was his very best friend. She understood him more than most people and was the greatest comfort he had right now.

Only on Harry's birthday were they caught. He groaned unhappily when he felt someone gently shaking him awake and only Hermione's surprised shriek and her sudden movement into a sitting position shocked Harry awake. He blinked rapidly and quickly grabbed his wand. "What?" he asked immediately, fumbling around for his glasses and shoving them clumsily onto his face, not caring at the moment that they were crooked. He first turned to Hermione who was hugging herself and blushing a bit, staring at someone by the bed. Harry blinked rapidly and turned his eyes to see Sirius Black standing beside the bed, a small smile on his lips and his eyebrow raised.

"Happy Birthday, Harry," Sirius said.

"Erm…thanks," Harry said, scratching the back of his head nervously. He did not like that knowing gleam in his godfather's eyes. "G'mornin'."

"I…I should go get dressed," Hermione stammered, sliding out of bed and quickly leaving the room.

Harry felt uneasy as he shifted in bed, waiting for Sirius to say something, knowing that something was coming from it. He watched warily as Sirius walked over to the door and closed it before returning to sit down on the bed beside him.

"Is there anything going on, Harry?" Sirius asked quietly.

"No, I swear," Harry said quickly. He couldn't help feeling panicky, but he had a bad feeling it wasn't helping his case. "I promise…I wouldn't…She's my best friend!"

Sirius shrugged. "There are things called friends with benefits."

"Well…it's not like that, okay?" Harry said. "She's still upset over Ron dying and Draco's…betrayal." He didn't like saying it like that, as if Draco had really done something wrong. Like Draco really was one of them. But it made sense for what Harry was trying to explain and it was what everyone else assumed, anyway.

"Yes…You're both dealing with a lot," Sirius said pointedly, giving him a look that assured Harry that Sirius wasn't buying it. As though the fact that Harry and Hermione were both suffering was enough reason for them to get into each other's pants. "In any case, it isn't wise to be doing such things in Molly Weasley's house."

"I know. I wouldn't do that…Seems a bit disrespectful, to be honest," Harry admitted.

"Yeah, it would be," Sirius said, nodding a bit and seeming to relax. He still seemed suspicious, but seemed to consider the fact that Harry might be telling him the truth. "Though if you ever do find yourself in such a situation…You know all of the proper precautions, right? Spells, potions…condoms, even?

Harry was confused until Sirius said condoms, then he figured he understood what the spells and potions must be for…contraceptives. Harry shifted nervously at the thought. It was so weird…He actually didn't know anything about those sorts of things. He knew that men were supposed to wear a condom to keep from getting a woman pregnant…He even knew some women went on some sort of pill in the Muggle world to prevent pregnancy. They'd never exactly had sex education at Hogwarts, though. Not that Harry really needed it…He had discovered fifth year, after a disastrous date with Cho Chang, that he wasn't attracted to girls and it wasn't like he had to worry about getting anyone pregnant…or rather getting pregnant, in his case. Severus had always taken the more dominant position in bed.

Thinking of Severus was definitely not the thing to do…Imagining sex with Severus while in the room with his godfather? Definitely not good. Sirius wasn't a Legilimens, was he? And even if he was, Harry didn't imagine the man would go probing through his brain. Still, Harry felt oddly self conscious, as though expecting Sirius to read his mind and know exactly what he was thinking and feeling.

"Yeah…Yeah, I got it," Harry said quickly.

"Good," Sirius said, looking even more relieved. "Well then. You know if you ever need anything, I'm here…If you need…stuff or you need to talk, you know where to find me. I'm here for you, Harry. Always."

His tone was so quiet and warm and loving that Harry felt the strongest urge to just tell him already. Maybe not tell him about his relationship with Severus Snape, but at least tell him that he was gay. No need to worry about me knocking up someone or sleeping with Hermione every night…I'm gay! It's alright. Somehow, he couldn't quite muster up the courage or find the right words, so he only nodded.

With a smile, Sirius stood up and left the room and Harry quickly got up and got himself ready for the day. When he was done he walked downstairs to find Mrs. Weasley cooking and a pile of presents waiting on the table. Sirius was sitting there keeping her company. The two wished him a happy birthday and Mrs. Weasley told him which gift was from her and Mr. Weasley. Harry unwrapped theirs first, finding himself holding a gold watch with stars circling around the face instead of hands. She explained that it was tradition to give a wizard a watch when he came of age and how it had belonged to her brother Fabian. It was rather old and had a dent in it, but Harry felt immensely touched that Mrs. Weasley was giving him something that had been in her family. It made her words from a few days ago, "You're a son to me, you know that, Harry?" all the more real. No one could really replace his parents, but he knew he had a family in the Weasleys and Harry found himself standing up to hug Mrs. Weasley, trying to put a lot of unsaid things into the embrace…all of his gratefulness and his love and everything else he could not possibly hope to put into words.

Hermione and Ginny bounced downstairs together not long after and Harry was pushed into opening the rest of his gifts. Hermione had gotten him a new Sneakoscope, Bill had gotten him an enchanted razor, Percy and Penelope got him some political book written by a man named Gaston Gruber, the latest products from the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, a box of some of his favorite sweets from Ginny, and a small, portable radio from Sirius. With all of his gifts unwrapped, Harry sat down and ate breakfast with the family and let Hermione help him bring all of his gifts up to his room when they were done.

"Some of this stuff might actually be useful," Hermione said, dumping what was in her arms onto the bed before climbing onto it and pulling her handbag into her lap. "Do you want to bring any of it?"

Harry nodded his head and put the watch into his pocket before sitting on the bed with Hermione. Some things the twins had given him looked like they might be useful, especially a good bit of Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder. They both remembered how useful it had been for the Death Eaters just a couple of months ago. "Might as well just pack everything…Never know what we might put to good use."

"Hmm…Your right. I'm sure this," Hermione said, wrinkling her nose at the book Percy had given him, "will be good for making a fire if we ever need one." She was apparently no fan of Gaston Gruber. Harry managed a laugh and watched as she stuffed all of his new things into her tiny purse…He had seen her stuffing books and other items in there multiple times, but it still didn't cease to amaze him the sort of things she was carrying around in there.

"Sure we have enough stuff?" he asked teasingly, reaching over to experimentally lift the purse. He barely moved it out of her lap…It wasn't as heavy as he might have expected, but it was still a wonder she seemed to carry the thing with such ease.

"I think so," she replied seriously. "I can't think of much more we need…I'm sure if we find ourselves lacking something we can find some way of getting it, but I think we have everything of the utmost importance."

The fact that in a couple of days they'd be leaving the Burrow to start their hunt for Horcruxes sank in more and more every day…He felt both dread and excitement. He wasn't exactly happy at the thought of going out to save the world, but he was eager to go and do it and be done with it so that he could live a happy life and those he cared about would no longer have to be in danger. Voldemort had to be stopped and Harry knew it was up to him…but the pressure of it all was daunting and more often than not Harry wished he didn't have to be the one doing this…wishing he could hang around the Burrow all summer and go back to Hogwarts in the fall and leave this duty upon someone else.

"Any progress on where we should start?" Harry asked after a few minutes while Hermione dug through her bag, seemingly checking on things.

Hermione pursed her lips thoughtfully and lifted her face from the bag. "I honestly don't know…I think our best bet would probably be to try looking where we can while we work on more thought-out theories. I hate to say it, but the whole spontaneity of it might do us some good…Who knows, we could randomly cross something before we actually come up with an answer."

"Unlikely, but it could happen," Harry agreed. Harry didn't think he could sit around here waiting for an answer to come no matter what Hermione wanted to do; he was already growing restless, eager to get out there and get the show on the road. It wasn't an enjoyable task ahead of him, but one that needed to be done, the sooner the better.

"You could always take me with you…You might have better luck then."

Harry and Hermione looked up in surprise at Ginny who was standing in the doorway. She stood with her hands on her hips, tall, and very serious and very confident. Her bright brown eyes shone with determination and defiance, seeming to know well she would be met with opposition and well prepared to fight back. Harry sighed heavily and fell back onto the bed while Hermione frowned.

"Ginny, you know we can't," Hermione said, sounding as though she had said this before.

"I can be helpful," Ginny argued. "You really think you'll be okay, just the two of you?"

"We'll be fine, Ginny," Hermione said in exasperation.

"It wouldn't hurt to have someone else along," Ginny said.

"We can't even tell you what it is!" Hermione snapped. "Dumbledore left this for Harry and me to do."

"I'm sure even he wouldn't want you two going at this alone…denying help this way," Ginny said, scoffing. "Look, I'm almost seventeen-"

"Not for another year," Hermione cut in. "You're still underage now and your parents would never let you and we couldn't risk being caught with a runaway."

"You can't risk being caught period," Ginny pointed out. "C'mon…Harry?"

Harry closed his eyes and rubbed his hands over his face, the motion causing his glasses to be pushed off of his head. He did not need to deal with this right now. He loved Ginny like a sister and she was easily one of his closest friends. She was a powerful witch and very talented…But it was bad enough he was letting Hermione come along without putting up a fight. He had tried arguing on occasion, but hadn't really put much into it. He needed her and he knew it…But he wasn't going to let more people risk themselves and necessary and while he knew there would be no stopping Hermione from joining him, he had the whole Weasley clan who would back them up in keeping Ginny safe and sound.

"I have to agree with Mione, Gin…I'm sorry," Harry said quietly, pulling his glasses back over his eyes and sitting up slowly. Ginny glared at them both and moved her arms to fold them over her chest.

"You can't just expect me to stick around here and do nothing," Ginny said dryly.

Hermione shot Harry a look, clearly saying you deal with her. Harry chuckled humorlessly and sighed. "Of course not, Ginny…You have your family to protect…friends to take care of. Merlin only knows what things will be like. Talk to Neville and Luna, reinstate the D.A. at Hogwarts and try to work together to do as much as you can while in school. Got it? The best way anyone can help us is by taking care of things around here, you know. It's not going to take that many people to do what we're doing."

Ginny only raised an eyebrow. "You didn't seriously expect me to buy that shite, did you?"

Harry snorted. "It was worth a shot. It is true, though. It wouldn't hurt to try to build some sort of…I dunno…defense within Hogwarts. And I really can't tell you or anyone else what we're doing."

"Yes, well," Ginny said, "see how far you get once Mum finds out."

Harry and Hermione looked at her with wide eyes. Ginny rolled hers. "I'm not going to tattle, but she already suspects something is up and she's going to find out soon enough."

"I love your mum, Ginny, but she won't stop us…no one will. We have to do this, Ginny," Hermione said pleadingly. "I'm really sorry, but…this is just how things have to be."

Ginny nodded stiffly and gave them both a long look before turning around, her bright red hair flying around her as she strode out of the room. Hermione groaned and rubbed her temples. "Somehow, I don't think that's the last we'll hear from her. She's been bothering me about trying to join us and figure out what we're up to for days…She's nearly as antsy as you are."

Harry and Hermione didn't have much time to talk strategy. Both seemed too lost in thought about what they would be facing soon to do much conversation-wise and they were soon interrupted by Penelope walking in and telling them the Minister of Magic was there to see them. It was an interesting meeting, to say the least, of Rufus Scrimgeour reading them the will of Albus Dumbledore…as well as prodding them for information, obviously suspicious of something or another. A tearful Hermione accepted the gifts Dumbledore had left her, his Deluminator and a book called The Tales of Beedle the Bard and Harry was given the Snitch he had caught at his first Quidditch match. He had, apparently, also been left the Sword of Gryffindor, but it was apparently not Dumbledore's to give away.

With the wedding the next day, both Mrs. Weasley and Penelope were anxious about things, but most of the preparation seemed to be done. Harry was able to enjoy most of his day, though he did spend a good deal of time recounting the visit with Scrimgeour and passing around the objects Dumbledore had left and disappointed he hadn't been allowed to keep the Sword. After a while he was happy to play a little bit of Quidditch just outside with Ginny, Bill, Charlie, Fred, George, Hermione, and Sirius before they were called in to wash up before dinner.

For Harry's birthday celebration they were eating outside, several tables placed end to end in the garden. Fred and George bewitched several purple lanterns adorned with the number 17 to float above the tables. Hermione used her wand to drape purple and gold streamers along the trees and even turned the leaves on the crabapple tree to turn gold. Charlie even brought a few miniature toy dragons that they charmed gold and let soar around the purple lanterns.

"Hey, this is great," he said with a grin, looking from the decorations to the people all around the table. Sirius, Ginny, Hermione, Fred, George, Bill, Charlie, Percy, Penelope, Hagrid, Tonks, Lupin, Luna, Dean, and Neville had all turned up for the event and more than likely to attend the wedding the following day. Mr. Weasley turned up after a few minutes straight from work and Mrs. Weasley came out of the house not long after holding her wand using it to levitate a large golden Snitch birthday cake out to the table.

"That looks amazing, Mrs. Weasley!" Harry said with a grin.

"Oh, it's nothing, dear," Mrs. Weasley said fondly. "Is this everyone?"

"Looks like it, Mum," Ginny said.

"Good, well, I suppose it's time for dinner, then. Everyone dig in!" Mrs. Weasely said happily, sitting down at the table. Mrs. Weasley and Penelope chattered excitedly about the wedding the following day and Charlie and Hagrid engaged in a lively discussion about dragons. Most people, though, seemed to prefer discussing the goings on at the Ministry of Magic.

"Ginny said Dumbledore left you the Sword of Gryffindor, but the Ministry won't let you have it?" Neville said.

"Mhm," Harry said. "Shouldn't be all that surprised, though…'Specially since I don't go out of my way making their lives easier."

"The Minister probably needs the Sword, you know," Luna said, her voice carrying the same dreamy and thoughtful quality as always. Harry tried not to grin at the groan Hermione gave beside him, already anticipating something ridiculous she wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut over. "He's building an army of Ranglestins to fight You-Know-Who, but they're very uncontrollable, they are. Only an item of great magic can keep them at bay and I imagine any object belonging to a Hogwarts founder would suffice…Especially considering it's a weapon. He's probably scaring them with it. He wouldn't really need to do so if he could just learn how to talk to them, though. Ranglestins can be very docile creatures if you know how to handle them properly."

"They are not real," Hermione was muttering under her breath so that only Harry could hear. "How on earth you come up with this stuff, I will never understand, because it is the most ridiculous lie I have heard in my life!"

"Erm…That's…something," Neville was saying to Luna, though even after more than a year spent as the girl's friend, no one really seemed how to deal with her craziness. Only Ginny laughed and seemed interested in any of it.

"If anything she says turns out real, Hermione, I will laugh in your face," Ginny warned teasingly, as she had a habit of doing every time Hermione got worked up over Luna's loony fairy tales.

After dinner was done, there was a lively chorus of "Happy Birthday" (in which Fred and George competed over who could carry notes longer and who could sing the loudest while Luna created her own words and Ginny and Tonks performed a very hilarious dance). They cut into the Snitch cake which was, by far, the best cake Harry could remember tasting and was especially good with butterbeer.

When the food was done, Mrs. Weasley went about setting up the sleeping arrangements to suit all of their new guests who would be staying for the wedding. Harry ended up sharing a room with Sirius and Neville with no hopes of Hermione coming in to stay with him. As Harry lay listening to their snores, he couldn't help feeling as though even if she were here, it wouldn't help him sleep much. He was wide awake and staring at the ceiling, feeling very anxious about tomorrow. It was Percy and Penelope's wedding, sure, but it was also his last day at the Burrow…He and Hermione would either be leaving right after or the very next day. The time was creeping up on him, leaving him feeling sick with anticipation.

All he could do was imagine their success…Picturing how easy it could be to find these objects (just blurred masses in his mind, as he couldn't even begin to comprehend what sort of artifacts they might be) and destroy them and sending a powerful killing curse at Voldemort. It never took long in his daydreaming and everyone he cared about came out alive and whole.

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Lost and Damned