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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 68
- 69
- 70
LOST AND DAMNED

Sometimes Problems Seem Too Deep to Take

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When Harry woke up, he was on the floor, and he didn't think he had fallen asleep there, either. His whole body was sore and he cringed as he used the coffee table to pull himself into a sitting position. Everything was really blurry and he forgot for a moment that he didn't have his glasses on. Grumbling, he felt around the coffee table and felt nothing and scooted back a bit on the floor to feel around on the end table beside the couch and had to stretch his arm to feel them and spent a minute longer than his sleepy mind was happy with in urging them close enough for him to properly grab them. It wasn't until he put them on and woke up a bit more that he considered he might have Summoned them with his wand to save himself the trouble.

His mind was really gone this morning.

Harry stood up and stretched a bit before looking around the living room. Hermione was on the couch with one arm and one leg dangling over the edge and a blanket twisted around her body in a way that Harry didn't think would be easy to fix. They must have fallen asleep there together, but as the couch wasn't really meant for two people to lay on and the fact that Hermione looked like she had moved around a lot in her sleep, Harry must have fallen off at some point during the night. They'd have to search the rest of the house today and set themselves up in one of the bedrooms…Sleeping on the floor had done nothing for Harry.

Harry moved to the chair closest to the couch and took a deep breath. The little bit of light visible through the curtains told Harry that it was incredibly early, somewhere between night and dawn. He leaned his head back and stared up at the shadowed ceiling and cob-webbed chandelier. It was strange to think that less than twenty four hours ago he had been waiting to show wedding guests to their seats…It seemed like a lifetime away. What was going to happen now? He and Hermione hadn't come up with any real plans involving the Horcruxes and now it seemed so foolish that they hadn't put more time and effort into their plans.

Why hadn't Dumbledore given him more? Told him more? Did Dumbledore even have more? He hated Severus all over again for killing him…The one person who could truly help them. He and Hermione were only seventeen! They had no idea where to even begin! They needed Dumbledore. How were they supposed to do this without him? Severus should have found some other way. They should have faked his death! Draco should have accepted Dumbledore's offer of protection…should have come with them last night…Everything should have happened differently. Harry knew he had to do this, but the mission Dumbledore had left them seemed more and more impossible by the second.

After a while, Harry grew tired of sitting around thinking bad thoughts that only made him gloomier. Desperate for something to do, he slid out of the chair and grabbed his wand, whispering "Lumos." He started across the room and climbed the stairs by wand light. On the second landing he found the bedroom he and Ron had stayed in before together. He glanced into it and was somewhat surprised to see the wardrobe doors standing open and the bedclothes ripped back. Harry remembered seeing a knocked over troll leg downstairs. Had someone been in here since the Order left? Severus? Or maybe Mundungus, hoping to pilfer things from the abandoned house.

Harry continued upstairs until he reached the topmost landing where there were only two doors. The one closest to Harry had a nameplate reading SIRIUS. He had never seen the inside of his godfather's bedroom before. He pushed upon the door and held his wand high to cast the light as widely as possible. Part of him half expected to see Sirius in there, though it was ridiculous to think so. Sirius was probably still at the Burrow or visiting Remus and Tonks or out on business for the Order or something. He wouldn't be here, visiting them. Not here, the home of the family he hated…his prison for over a year.

He felt a bit like he was intruding…That maybe he should ask Sirius before just inviting himself into his room. But suddenly, Harry felt too curious about what he would find in there to leave now. It felt a bit less lonely up here then it had felt downstairs, which was odd considering that, while sleeping, Hermione was at least down there and there was no one up here. The promise of learning something about his godfather, though, and maybe even his parents was too good of an opportunity to pass up. He noted that areas in the bedroom looked disturbed, but when a quick check around the room assured him that no one was hiding there, Harry pushed the thought to the back of his mind and went exploring.

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It was early in the morning when Severus got the owl, a letter from the Board of Governors letting him know of his placement as Hogwarts Headmaster and their congratulations. That had certainly taken no time at all…Even with Pius Thicknesse as Minister for Magic now, Severus didn't doubt the use of the Imperius Curse on other members of the Ministry when they needed things done, particularly quickly. Severus wasn't sure if he was disappointed or not. On the one hand, this meant he could deal with the school and his new position soon and could hopefully get out of doing whatever other horrors the Dark Lord wanted committed…Then again, he wasn't exactly looking forward to his new job, either. There was a lot riding on his placement as headmaster, having to keep up his role as a Death Eater while protecting the school and its inhabitants from the tyrannical reign of Amycus and Alecto as Deputy Heads.

Severus went about his morning routine normally. He ate breakfast and took a long, hot shower and prepared himself for the day. He paid an owl for a copy of the newest Daily Prophet to see news of the Minister's tragic death (an accident, they called it) and the placement of the new Minister for Magic, Pius Thicknesse. There was no news of his "promotion" of sorts at Hogwarts, but didn't doubt it would be plastered all over tomorrow's copy. He read through quickly, finding little interest in any of it before setting it aside and walking to the basement to check on his simmering potions. He started brewing at the beginning of summer, when the Dark Lord gave his intentions for Severus to become headmaster…Various healing salves and sleeping aids and Polyjuice potion…the sorts of strong medicine that the Hogwarts infirmary didn't normally keep in stock. He brewed everything he could think of that they might need once the term began.

The strongest of the painkillers was done and Severus poured it into several long phials and placing them in the small chest that already carried various potions and poisons. Next he moved to the cauldron in the farthest corner of the room and checked its coloring…a dark pink-red color. Good. He walked in a circle around the cauldron, murmuring incantations under his breath until a glowing orange circle sat around the cauldron, creating an environment without oxygen. He grabbed the remaining two ingredients and cast the Bubble-Head charm on himself before entering the circle and dropping them into the potion carefully and stirring them in, watching the potion thicken and melt from it's pink-red color to a nasty burnt orange color. When it was done, he grabbed four of the thickest phials he owned and carefully poured it in.

The potion was extremely volatile and would create a large explosion the moment it met oxygen and left in its wake an extremely poisonous green goo. It wasn't practical for everyday use, when there were spells that could more easily blow things up. It was mostly for when one was wandless or wanting to take their opponent by surprise, who obviously wouldn't think much of having a potion thrown at them. It would take a lot of force to break the glass they were being held in now, which meant there would be no unnecessary accidents taking place. He set the phials aside and cleaned the cauldron out before removing the circle around the cauldron and dropping the Bubble-Head charm. He carried these phials to the chest and placed them into a secret compartment at the bottom, just on the off chance someone found his supplies they wouldn't go opening the damned thing and getting their head blown off. He placed in a few phials of Felix Felicis on top of it and closed the chest.

With his potions done, there wasn't much left to do. He would have to finish packing, but he had started that job a few days ago in hopes of getting his mind off of things and there wasn't much of that left to do. Still, he grabbed his chest and walked upstairs to his room, setting the smaller chest inside of a larger one that still had room and packed away some of his favorite wines and other alcoholic beverages with it. He stopped on a bottle of Superior Red that Lucius had given him a few years back for his birthday and was half tempted to open it and have a good drink now, but pushed the thought aside and added the bottle along with the others. It only took a few more minutes to finish folding and packing away his robes and nightclothes and reluctantly closed the last chest.

Might a well get himself settled at Hogwarts now. Taking out his wand, he shrunk most of his drunks, though he didn't dare try it on the one carrying his alcohol and his potions. He slid the shrunken trunks into his pocket and grabbed the more sensitive chest, Apparating himself just outside of the gates of Hogwarts.

He passed through the gates easily and moved swiftly towards the castle. He wasn't eager to start this whole charade, but he was eager to find a good, protective area for his potions and to put down the heavy chest that only seemed to grow more heavy by the moment. It only took a few minutes to reach the entrance, that was luckily unlocked. He met no one on the way to the headmaster's office and was grateful. Hopefully everyone was still away, enjoying their vacation time.

"Welcome, new headmaster," said the guarding gargoyle as Severus approached. "Would you like to set a password?"

"Servo fiedes," Severus said.

The gargoyle nodded and the entrance opened. The moving staircase took him up and the moment he opened the door he was greeted by the greetings of the other headmasters, some welcomes warmer than others. Severus ignored them and walked over to the empty desk and set the chest on top of it, allowing relief into his sore arms.

"Hello, Severus," said a familiar voice from behind him and Severus sighed heavily and turned to the portrait of Albus Dumbledore. "It's good seeing you…Here, that is."

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"Harry? Harry! Harry!"

Harry turned from the door that led into Regulus Arcturus Black's bedroom to where Hermione appeared running up the staircase. "I'm here. What happened?" he asked, clutching the fake Horcrux in his hand as he walked over to meet her.

"I woke up and didn't know where you were!" she said breathlessly. "Harry, don't just disappear, please, I was terrified! What have you been doing?"

"Come, look at what I just found," he said, taking her hand and pulling her down the hall to Regulus's door. "I found R.A.B."

"Oh!" Hermione gasped, clutching Harry's arm. "Sirius's brother?"

"He was a Death Eater," Harry explained excitedly. "Sirius told me about him! He joined when he was young and got cold feet and left, so they killed him."

"That fits!" Hermione exclaimed. "If he was a Death Eater, he had access to Voldemort, and if he became disenchanted, then he would have wanted to bring Voldemort down! D…Do you think it could be here, Harry?"

"Well…Only one way to find out," Harry said. He had been more than happy to find loads of things in Sirius's room. Pictures of the Maraurders and a letter from his mother and all sorts of things…But his mother's letter, now residing in his pocket, was forgotten in favor of lifting his wand to the handle of Regulus's door and said, "Alohomora!"

There was a click and the door swung open and together, hand in hand, Harry and Hermione stepped in.

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Albus frowned as Severus finished recounting everything to him. He hadn't had the time to tell the portrait he had of Albus at his own home, so it took a while catching Albus up on everything that had happened. "I do not know that it is wise that anyone other than Harry and Miss Granger know of their hiding place."

"Where would you suggest they go?" Severus asked dryly.

"I wish I knew," Albus said wistfully. "Now tell me, will young Mr. Malfoy be at Hogwarts this term?"

"Somehow, I doubt it. He wishes to stay and 'help'," Severus said irritably. "Narcissa has been trying to talk him out of it. The Dark Lord does not seem to care either way."

"Try to convince him to return to school, then," Albus suggested. "He would be safer here."

"Barely," Severus replied. Death Eaters and children of Death Eaters would likely be treated well, but Severus didn't doubt that Amycus and Aleco would have some sort of fun with him, if given the chance. They were some of the most amused by the change in social status of the once haughty Malfoy family and seemed pleased to put them in their place at every given opportunity. Severus was also sure the ever loyal friends and allies of Harry and Albus would rally together against anyone associated with Death Eaters. Gryffindors, particularly, were foolish that way.

"Safe enough," Albus said.

"Do you know what they did with my belongings?" Severus asked, the question he had had in his mind since arriving to Hogwarts. Were his things still in his old rooms? His notes were down there, for the potion for Octavia Vector and Seraphina Myles. Severus wasn't sure he'd have time to distract himself from anything, but he had a strong urge to collect his old things, wanting some comfort in some of the objects…Pictures of Harry and Lily, gifts from those he cared about, old letters…

"I believe they gained entry long enough to look around for any clues they could find," Albus said. "They didn't seem to find anything, though I don't think they disposed of any of it."

"Good," Severus said, standing up. He had no desire to see his new rooms just yet. He moved his chest from the desk to the floor under the desk and headed out to visit his old rooms.

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The real Horcrux was no where to be found in Regulus's room. They searched everywhere they could find and even a Summoning Charm didn't seem to work. They even went down to where Kreacher slept and found nothing. Harry didn't know where else it might be, but he did have an idea of how to find out. It was a task easier said than done and Harry was wishing desperately that they could somehow contact Sirius to get him over here…Kreacher was under no obligation to listen to Harry or Hermione, being as they weren't his "masters."

Kreacher was now skulking along the wall across from where Harry and Hermione sat on the couch, muttering under his breath. "I told you we should have been nicer to him," Hermione whispered desperately.

"Lot of good that would have done," Harry snapped. "He hates us no matter what…He would probably lie, anyway! Remember fifth year? When I asked about Sirius? Kreacher lied! He hates Muggle-borns and half-bloods like us…You're nice to him and that gets you nowhere, does it?"

"Well maybe you have a better chance of getting to him then if you were at least kind to him!" Hermione hissed back, glaring at him.

"The Mudblood and the Half Blood are talking about Kreacher, like Kreacher cannot hear them," Kreacher began muttering. "Hiding away in my mistress's house. Tainting her home…Oh my poor mistress, if she saw them here today. There would be no filthy blood in poor mistress's house. Only pure blood…Nasty, filthy…"

"He's one to talk about muttering about people like they can't hear him," Harry grumbled, wanting nothing more than to throw a chair at the insufferable house elf. It would probably give Hermione a heart attack if he tried.

"Harry, stop!" Hermione pleaded. "Look, let's just…try to figure this out, alright? There's…there's bound to be something somewhere! We just have to keep looking!"

"Yeah…Alright," Harry sighed, standing up with Hermione.

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There was only one thing missing from Severus's rooms and that was the only picture he had of Harry and himself. Considering he had seen no articles in the Prophet about him being a child-molesting bastard, so he figured it hadn't been Minerva or anyone else…He could imagine Harry coming down here after everything last year. Somehow the thought of Harry taking that picture made him feel…something. Warm…happy…touched. Harry still loved him, Draco had said. And Harry (it had to have been Harry) had taken their picture.

Severus took the remaining pictures of the only two people he had ever loved and slid them into the inner pockets of his robes, where they would be safest. He then grabbed a bag from under his bed and began packing things away. His notes, his books (particularly those given to him by Harry, Lily, and Albus), and some of the music from his collection. There wasn't much he really wanted to take, only the things of sentimental value. It irritated him when he realized it, but it didn't stop him from putting the last record into his bag, one he remembered listening to with Lily a lot their fourth year…He remembered asking her to dance and feeling some comfort in the fact that she wasn't much better at dancing than he was.

When he thought he was done he set the bag in his chair and took one last look through the room, surprised to find a parchment with Harry's writing in the first drawer on the right side of his desk. Curious, as he was sure he had never seen it before, Severus pulled it out and glanced over it.

Dear Severus,

It is not the law that you have to be an arse to all Gryffindors, you know. I don't think Mrs. Nugent would have been happy to see you call her daughter a crazy bint and asking how many times she dropped Ariel on her head and if her other devil's spawn were going to be so dim-witted and insane in the future. I also think Mr. Force would have a problem with you strangling his son until all of the 'Gryffindor senselessness' left his brain and he became a halfway decent human being.

You're nice to me, though, and I guess that's okay. The only way you're ever nice is in the bedroom and I don't think I'd be very happy if you started shagging half of my House.

Love,

Harry

P.S. I was not snooping. You're the one who left them sitting out!

Severus quirked an eyebrow and looked back down into the drawer, a grin spreading across his face when he found the letters. They were mostly about Gryffindor students…Ariel Nugent, Todd Force, Rory Romero, Stavros Agnos, Romilda Vane, and Christy Calhoun. Those were just the ones in this drawer, though. Severus found that when he was particularly frustrated with students, it helped to write letters to their parents to keep him from torturing them in a way that would upset Albus. He never sent them…He knew that would not bear very pleasant results, but it at least eased his nerves a bit to get it all written out on paper. Severus knew he had written James Potter various times about how horrible Harry was, with post scripts to Lily about how he could not believe such an awful prat as Harry Potter could have come from her.

He glanced quickly over the top letter, the one to Ariel Nugent's parents and chuckled to himself. They were more amusing than anything, right now…Now that he could hardly remember what the girl had done to produce such wrath. He left the letters in his drawer, but folded up the letter and tucked it into his pocket with the pictures. Assured that he left nothing else around, he zipped up the bag and picked it up, walking out of his rooms slowly…He didn't want to leave here. Didn't want to set up house in Albus's old rooms. He didn't want to do this at all.

But he didn't really have the choice.

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They were dirty and exhausted and found nothing but failure. Harry and Hermione had been searching the house for hours to no avail…Harry had gotten excited once over finding a locket, but closer inspection proved that it wasn't the same and Kreacher had marched in wailing about it belonging to his mistress.

"Maybe we should call Master Sirius and see what he has to say about this," Harry snapped when Kreacher grew particularly annoying, stuffing the locket of Walburga Black into his pocket just to be spiteful.

"Filthy blooded thieves…Threatening to bring my mistress's shame back into the house…if only she could be here now, to see this…She'd hex his fingers off, mistress would," Kreacher grumbled, glowering at him.

"Harry!" Hermione snarled. "Stop that!"

"I'd stop if he'd shut it," Harry muttered, not loudly enough for Hermione to hear. He continued digging through the jewelry box…It didn't have much in it, as Sirius had gotten rid of most of the stuff, but he had shoved bits of garbage into it while cleaning up, making anything useful difficult to find.

"Destroying poor mistress's room…" Kreacher was groaning.

Was it really wrong to want to throw the jewelry box at his head? House elves didn't deserve bad treatment in general, but Harry had a feeling that Kreacher would deserve it.

"Harry, do you hear that?" Hermione asked quietly.

I hear Kreacher whinging like a baby, Harry thought miserably. "Hear what?"

"Someone is at the door, Kreacher knows, but the filthy blooded animals do not know…They are not very smart, they aren't," Kreacher was muttering.

"Knocking…Someone's at the door," Hermione said, glancing uneasily at Kreacher.

"Who would be here?" Harry asked, stepping away from the vanity and moving out into the hallway, hopping downstairs with Hermione on his tail.

"Check through the peephole first, Harry," Hermione cautioned.

"I was going to," Harry said irritably. He wasn't completely stupid, was he? He moved quietly towards the door, not wanting to upset Mrs. Black's portrait and crept up to it, looking through the peephole. "Draco!" he said and reached for the doorknob before thinking better of it. "Who did you snog in the bathroom of the Three Broomsticks on Valentine's Day fifth year?"

"Bloody hell, Potter," grumbled Draco. "Hermione's not there, is she?"

"Answer the question!" Harry said with a grin.

"You, you dolt!" Draco snapped irritably. "Let me in, I dunno how long they'll stay unconscious."

Harry and Hermione exchanged a nervous glance before Harry swung open the door, letting Draco hurry in. Two Death Eaters were laying face first in the ground just outside. "They didn't see me, don't worry," Draco said, closing the door for them.

"We're being watched?" Hermione asked, voice slightly panicked.

"Not really…They have an idea of where to expect you, so I wouldn't suggest leaving," Draco said, leading them out of the entranceway and into the living room.

"What are you doing here? Changed your mind?" Harry asked, taking a seat.

"I decided to visit," Draco said with a shrug. "Mum was driving me nuts at home and they don't really have much use for me right now."

"Offer still stands," Harry said.

"I know my company is wonderful, Potter, but no need to be so desperate about it," Draco said with a smirk.

"You are so full of yourself," Hermione said with a smile, rolling her eyes as she sat beside him on the couch, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Can't help it much…That's what happens when you're born so astoundingly handsome and remarkably talented," Draco said with a grin.

Hermione and Harry laughed for a moment, but Hermione stopped short and sat up, eyeing Draco. "You snogged Harry?"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "You snogged him."

Hermione's cheeks burned pink and Draco shot an amused look to Harry who shifted uncomfortably. "And you've snogged each other. Let's just say we're really good friends, eh?"

The three burst into laughter and Harry swore nothing had felt so good in a while. He was with two of his best friends, laughing…For a moment, things didn't seem so hopeless or bleak. He did hope Draco would decide to join them…He had a feeling it would make things easier, not just having someone else around to help find and destroy the Horcruxes, but someone to help make the mood a bit easier.

"Ah…It is Master Draco!"

Harry sighed heavily as Kreacher walked into the room, grinning. "The pureblood son of Mistress Narcissa! Good wizard…good pureblooded wizard. Mistress would be glad to have him here!"

Draco eyed Kreacher unhappily, but it didn't' bother Kreacher much. Kreacher was just glad to have a proper pureblood in the house. Hermione looked suddenly excited and she sent Harry a look, though he wasn't sure what it meant. "Draco, would you mind helping us with something?" Hermione asked, voice chipper as she sat up excitedly. She was grinning at Kreacher and Draco looked at her in surprise, but nodded. After a few long seconds, Harry grinned, too, as he figured out what Hermione was after.

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"I hear a congratulations are in order."

Severus didn't stop when he heard the sarcastic tone of a familiar female voice, though he became more alert. He was halfway to the Headmaster's Tower when Minerva McGonagall caught up with him. "Somehow I doubt you're here to praise me for my latest accomplishment, Minerva," Severus replied smoothly.

"I am not pleased, no," Minerva said. "It must be delightful for you. All these young boys at your disposal…No headmaster above you to stop you raping them. I'm sure You Know Who has the Board of Governors under his thumb. No doubt the only reason you have the job now."

"That is no way to speak to this school's headmaster, Minerva," Severus said stiffly, not liking the insinuations she made at all. He had nearly forgotten that she had discovered Harry and himself in a compromising position last year. He didn't feel as guilty as he used to, over taking a sixteen year old boy to his bed, but it was impossible to be unfazed by her pedophile remarks. "Don't you need your job?" Severus asked as Minerva opened her mouth to speak. "To stick around and protect the little beasts?" he asked harshly, mockingly. It should be enough to remind her of why she needed to stay before she even thought of leaving without making it seem like he actually gave a damn about it.

"I wasn't so sure you cared," Minerva spat sarcastically.

"Is there a reason you're here, other than to antagonize your new employer?" Severus asked impatiently as they neared the gargoyle.

"I am here because this is my home," Minerva remarked sharply. "A home I will protect at all costs."

"I look forward to seeing your noble attempts," Severus sneered. "Once a Gryffindor, always a Gryffindor."

"Always," Minerva promised, eyes burning furiously as she glared at him, as if he were the most vile beast in the world. He couldn't blame her at all. He held his head, high, though and smirked, showing her nothing but amusement, as if he didn't take her seriously. He certainly couldn't show her how relieved he was that she was going to stay and put up a fight to protect the students.

"While I am most enthusiastic to witness to your endeavor to overcome this new regime, I do have other very important matters to attend to. I trust this little diatribe of yours can wait until a more appropriate time?" Severus said.

"Of course. Far be it from me to keep you from your new duties," Minerva snarled, nostrils flaring. She looked like she was ready to curse him, but she instead glowered at him dangerously before storming off.

This wasn't the last time he'd be hearing from Minerva McGonagall. He already knew that…He could only hope he was better prepared the next time it happened.

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Lost and Damned