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By the Light of the Moon	By : chrmisha Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 1963 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
By the Light of the Moon: Chapter 7

�Sirius! Sirius I�m going to kill you! Why didn�t you tell me about her? Were you ever going to? What were you waiting for?�

�I was too damn selfish and needy, Moony. If I told you about her, you�d leave me. I�m sorry. � Sirius�s voice rang clearly in his mind.

�I wouldn�t have left you Padfoot. But now you�ve given me no choice. Now you�ve left me. And you�ve pushed me into her arms. Without a choice. When I see her, I see you. When I think of you, I think of her. And it�s not just me. The wolf is going crazy without her.�

�So go to her, Moony. It�s what you want, it�s what the wolf wants. I can�t be with you. Let her be with you. You deserve it and she�s perfect for you. �

�I can�t.�

�You�re right, Moony. You can�t. You can�t keep running all your life. I�m sorry I left you, truly I am. So is James. He says HI by the way. And he says you�re being a moron for not living your life. I agree. How long are you going to push her away? How long are you going to be miserable to repent for some sins you never committed? �

He straightened when he heard the female voice, a voice he hadn�t heard in nearly fifteen years. �She loves you, you idiot. And you love her. Even if you�re too damn stubborn to admit it. Go to her Remus. � Lily�s voice rang in his head as he awoke. Lily. James. Sirius. He loved them all and they�d loved him. And now they were dead. But at least they were together. He was alone.

You don�t have to be alone, Remus. Amera�s voice rang through his mind. He pushed it away. He pushed it all away. He didn�t want to think. He didn�t want to feel. He wanted to be alone. No, he deserved to be alone. He didn�t deserve to be loved.

�Why, Remus, why did you do it? � The conversation he�d had with Amera shortly after he came to from the poisoning echoed in his head.

�Because everyone I�d ever loved was dead. What was the point of living?�

�The Order members have been practically breaking down my door to see you and you turn them away. Harry�s worried sick about you, as well as some girl named Hermione and her friend Ron.�

�Harry?�

�Yes, Harry Potter. Sirius�s godson.�

�But Harry�s dead.�

�No he�s not, he�s fine. Why did you think he was dead?�

She had grabbed his hands that had been running through his hair then and captured his eyes. �You thought Sirius AND Harry were dead, didn�t you? Sirius asked me to take care of you, he must have asked you to take care of Harry. But with Harry gone, you had nothing to live for. That�s it, isn�t it?�

He had pulled his hands back and looked away. Damn, he hated when she was right. Harry. Harry had just lost his god-father but managed to survive Bellatrix. And in his grief, he found time to come looking for me. To worry about me. While I ran away and hid like a coward.

Like I ran away from Amera. Still hiding. Dammit. He ran his hands through his hair and pushed himself out of bed. I abandoned Harry after his parents died and now I�ve abandoned him after his god-father died. What a stellar example of a man I am.

He found Harry sitting alone on the Quidditch field, the Firebolt laying at his feet. Harry barely looked up when Remus sat down beside him. �Everything reminds me of Sirius.�

Remus sighed and put his arm around Harry, giving him a momentary squeeze before letting go. �I know. Me too.�

They sat for a long time in silence.

�I hear that woman saved your life. Who is she?�

He laughed, realizing for the first time that Harry might like to meet her. �Her name is Amera Perkins. She�s Sirius�s half-sister, actually.�

�Really? I didn�t know Sirius had a half-sister.�

�Me neither. It seems he kept her a closely guarded secret.�

�Are you still staying with her?�

�No. I left.� The words felt empty.

�So you�re running, too, huh?�

What? When had he, the mysterious Remus Lupin, become so easy to read?

�I�ve been avoiding everyone too,� Harry offered. �It�s just too hard to be around people right now.�

Damn, this kid was smart.

�It�s not a good way to live, Harry.�

Harry shrugged. �You seem to manage.�

Remus cringed. This was not the sort of example he should be setting for Harry. James and Lily and Sirius would be very disappointed. He was suddenly gripped by fear, realizing the example he�d been setting. He jumped up and grabbed Harry�s shoulders hard. He could tell his intensity and suddenness had startled Harry.

�Harry, listen to me. I�ve been a real git about this whole thing. Promise me you�ll never ever do anything as stupid and selfish as I tried to do after� after�� Remus dropped his hands and looked at the ground, his body shaking slightly. He felt Harry�s hands come to rest on his shoulders.

�I won�t, I promise.�

�I thought you were dead Harry. I thought Bellatrix killed you. I thought it was my fault for letting you go. I thought I failed you Harry. With you and Sirius gone�� I had nothing left to live for. He sat back in the grass, his arms wrapped around his knees, the Firebolt between them. He looked up briefly. Harry looked bewildered.

�Sirius would be very angry with you,� Harry finally said.

�Tell me about it,� Remus muttered, nodding his head.

�And he�d be angry at me too.�

�For what?�

�For not looking after you. He made me promise to look after you if something happened to him. But I didn�t.�

�Harry!� And then Remus laughed. �Did he write letters to everyone asking them to take care of me if something happened to him?�

Harry laughed too. �And me,� Harry added shaking his head and thinking of the letters Sirius had sent to Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Tonks, and Remus. There were probably more letters out there that he wasn�t even aware of.

Remus embraced him and gave him a pat on the back. �Just owl me if you need anything, anything at all.�

Harry nodded, more solemnly now. �Say HI to Amera for me. Tell her I might like to meet her someday. Soon.�

Remus smiled. He knew Amera and Harry would get alone quite well. As he was leaving he saw Harry twirling the Firebolt in his hands. Sirius had given him that broom. He watched in the shadows as Harry finally mounted the broom, soaring towards the sky. Harry would be okay. Remus was sure of it.
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- 8
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By the Light of the Moon