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All\'s Fair In Love And War	By : jameschick Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 21683 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Choices Made

Zabini has been following me around ever since his return. It's annoying, but I understand his reasons for doing so. He's unsure of my intentions toward Harry and is trying to figure out where my loyalties lay. I have to admit to a grudging respect for him. He could have joined forces with You-Know-Who and kept Harry ignorant of the fact, or at least tried to seeing as Harry saw the whole thing anyway; but he didn't. He let Harry go rather than betray him. Not a very smart thing to do if the Dark Lord ever finds out.
The first day back, it was all I could do to keep myself from hexing him for his little display with Pansy. Her too, to be totally honest. The absolute agony Harry was in when he saw them was almost enough to bring me to tears. I was almost grateful for Weasley's uncanny timing and the insults that flew soon after. Almost, because having Weasley yelling and carrying on at me was hurting Harry as well.
He hates me. Weasley that is, and I assure you, the feeling is mutual. It's stupid really, the way we go at each other. We'd never even met before Hogwarts, we only knew of each other's families from what we'd heard from our own. My father told me that Weasleys were the lowest form of Purebloods, that they were a disgrace to Wizards in general, and that I'd do well to keep as far away from them as possible. That as a Malfoy, they were beneath me. I don't know what Weasley's father told him; I don't much care either.
The point is, Harry is far more important to me than some petty childhood rivalry with Weasley. Which is why, for Harry's sake, I'm giving it up.
No longer will the words Weasel and Mudblood pass through my lips. It will never be Ron and Hermione, but Weasley and Granger instead. It's a huge compromise on my part and I know that Harry will see it for what it is.
He understands me.
I'm sure the rest of the school has noticed my change in allegiance - if the whispers and angry looks are anything to go by at least. I don't care. I won't hide my friendship with Harry for anything and if I'm ever lucky enough to be granted more, I won't hide that either.
I'd shout my love for him from the highest tower if I could.
But it's far too soon for that. Harry has been hurt terribly by Blaise and I won't rush him into anything. I have my whole life ahead of me now - a life that is my own, with decisions that I will make, and not the strict guidelines handed down to me by my father - and I don't mind waiting. Especially as I have him beside me while I do.
Pansy, the conniving bitch, seems to have noticed Harry's attention toward Blaise and has made it a point to let any and every one know that her and Zabini are engaged. I found out - after the fact - that Harry had overheard Bulstrode and Greengrass gossiping about it.
When Harry didn't show up for classes that afternoon, I knew something was wrong. Surprisingly, it was Granger who informed me of what had happened. Seems there is some truth behind the rumours of her brilliance. Why she hasn't outed Harry to Weasley yet I don't understand, but I'm not about to question it as it keeps Harry safe for now.
I found him down by the lake, just as I knew I would. It seems to have become our spot. I like the idea of that - having a spot that is just for Harry and I.
I sat down and nudged him; so he'd know I was there. I never ask him what's wrong, I know he'll tell me when he's ready and pushing too soon will only upset him. I never want to be the reason he's hurting. Not anymore. He bumps my shoulder in response and we just sit, watching the ripples on the surface of the lake.
I know the minute Zabini arrives. I feel his eyes boring into the back of my skull. I don't care; let him watch, I'm doing nothing wrong.
Harry starts to cry and I pull him into my arms. I'll miss this when it ends, when his heart is healed and he no longer needs me to hold him. The words fall from his lips in harsh panting gasps, that it's over, that he knows it, and that he has to stop thinking it will ever be the same again. I can do nothing for him but let him cry and reassure him that he's doing the right thing by letting go. That Zabini is not worthy of his affections, that if he were, he would have refused the Mark and stayed with him instead.

Like I did, I want to add, but I don't.
He tells me how glad he is to have me, that he couldn't have done this without me and I smile. I hug him tightly, and not stopping to second guess my instincts, I lift his chin and gently kiss each of his eyelids.
He is beautiful, even when he cries.
He gasps and I hold my breath, wondering if I've done something wrong, if I've tipped my hand and told him too much of what I feel for him by that simple gesture. I know it's too soon and he's not ready to accept the depth of my feelings for him. I can only hope he doesn't press, that he let's it go for now. How foolish of me to expect that from my brave Gryffindor.
"Draco," he asks me, "do you want more than simple friendship from me?�
I do. I want so much more from him that it hurts to think that he will never want the same from me in return. I want to hold him in my arms every night for the rest of my life, I want to know all his secrets and fears; to tell him all of mine. I want to be the last thing he sees as he closes his eyes and the first thing he sees as he opens them.
I want to make love to him to for hours on end, to pleasure him with my hands and lips and teeth and tongue. I want to lose myself in the scent of his skin, the warmth of his flesh. I want to be naked and open beneath him. I want him to look at me the way he looked at Zabini as he whispered those words that forever changed my life.
I want long nights of sweaty passion. Lazy days lounging in front of a fire together as I read to him from my favourite books. I want to fly with him, not against him, and feel the sting of the wind on my face as he laughs in pure enjoyment of the moment.
I want to stand at his side as he fulfils his destiny and the Dark Lord is defeated. I want to be the one he turns to when it is all over, the one who gets to take him home and bathe him and put him to bed. I want to be the whose arms he curls into at night when the nightmares shake him awake.
I want to marry him.
I want to raise a family with him; the war is sure to leave a lot of children without parents and I know Harry would be a wonderful father. He could teach me how to be one as well. I want to watch him read bedtime stories to our kids and teach them how to fly. I want to argue with him over which House the kids will be sorted into when they start Hogwarts. I want to cry with him when they leave for school and the house is empty for the first time in years. I want to stand beside him as we greet our grandchildren for the first time.
I want so much from him, that it scares me to death to think that he won't give it.
"Harry," I say as I take in the worried expression on his face. "I care for you very much and I would be lying if I said I wanted nothing more than your friendship. But," I continue as his eyes widen in... what, I'm not sure, "I know that you aren't ready for anything more than that right now and I'm fine with it. I will wait for you, forever if necessary."
I love you, I think to myself, wishing he were ready to hear it.
I hope I haven't ruined my chances by admitting what I did, but I don't want to lie to him. I feel a tension that I wasn't even aware of seep out of me as he smiles up at me and then settles back into my arms.
"Thank you," he says. "I'm not sure when I'll be ready for more than friendship, but when I am, I let you know."
I nod my acceptance of his terms - I can't speak for the lump in my throat. He didn't run away from me, or turn me down. He's given me hope that I may, indeed, get everything that I want. That we might have a future together. I don't think I've ever been this happy in my entire life.
Looking behind me I see Zabini watching us. He looks from me to Harry and closes his eyes briefly. When they open again, I see the acceptance in them but also the pain.
This hasn't been easy for him either, but he made his choice, now he has to live with it. Just as I have to live with mine.
Only difference is, I made the right choice.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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All\'s Fair In Love And War