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Darkest Desires	By : Lupinswolfie Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Remus/Hermione Views: 24277 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
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Tears
began sliding down her cheeks when she suddenly realized that if they
continued to save the souls from the veil, in the way in which they
were doing at the moment, they would lose Sirius, perhaps lose them
all. But, it was too late to stop and she knew she had no choice
other than to continue. Sirius seemed to know that as well, and he
solemnly nodded his head to her while pulling her hand away from his
shoulder, keeping his eyes locked on hers as his body faded further
and further into the fogginess that matched those around him.

“NO!”
Remus and Harry shouted together, both grabbing Sirius and trying
desperately to ground him before he became lost to them once
more-this time forever.

In
all of the confusion--the screams from startled mortals, the buzzing
from the lost souls that were half there and half not, and Harry and
Remus trying to hold on to Sirius--no one noticed the hands that
suddenly materialized from behind her until it was too late, until
Hermione screamed in surprise and panic only seconds before her tired
body was pushed forward and engulfed by the veil itself. They all
stopped to watch, stunned, as the lost souls screeched with ungodly
sounds and Hermione floated away from them like a leaf on a gentle
breeze.

The
second her chanting stopped, Sirius returned to his physical body
with a giant shake and it was obvious he was trying desperately to
take air into his shocked lungs. Remus only registered that fact for
a fraction of a second before he watched Hermione fly into the veil.
The souls still floating around them screamed in such a way that
everyone in the room clutched their head and felt as if their brain
would explode inside their very skulls. Remus, however, only watched
as the woman he suddenly realized he loved began to leave him
forever. Without conscious thought, he immediately ran after her;
somewhere in the back of his mind reminding himself that he once kept
Harry from doing the very thing he was going to do himself.

The
second his body touched the shadowy air, he felt as though his own
soul was ripped from him and breathing
became the most difficult task he had ever attempted. The pain was
incredible, but he felt the wolf push through his senses and dull the
sensations.

“Hermione!”
he croaked, before swallowing dryly and trying again. “Hermione,
can you hear me?”

“Remus,”
she whispered, so softly he would have questioned the voice had it
not been for the wolf’s hearing.

Suddenly,
however, he felt a vise-like grip around his ankles and his body
began to move of it’s on accord. “NO!”
screamed the wolf as he realized someone was pulling him away from
his mate. “Hermione!”

“Moony!”
he heard her reply and realized she was close to him. Remus’
arms flew out and, even though he couldn’t see anything in the
darkness, he felt the fabric of her shirt against his cold fingers
and jerked her to him just in time to feel the grip around his ankles
tighten and his own body jerk backwards.

They
fell in a tangle of arms and legs onto the hard floor, all gasping
for breath and shaking uncontrollably as Sirius and Harry moved
out from under them, Harry went to speak to Kingsley, while Sirius
remained where he was; his own memories being relived had taken their
toll on the shaken man. Remus sat up, his arms helping
Hermione to sit with him when he noticed her eyes roll back in her
head and her body go limp.

“Hermione!”
he yelled weakly. “Hermione, wake up!” He cradled her
limp form to him and rocked her gently back and forth, fear such as
he’d never known coursing through his body and he knew the wolf
felt the same.

Suddenly
the air around them shifted and everything went still. In the back
of his mind, Remus heard surprised exclamations from those around
him, but it wasn’t until Sirius’ sharp intake of breath
that he actually looked up--and almost fainted himself.

“Very
impressive witch you have there, Moony,” a familiar voice said.

“Bloody
hell, it worked! It actually worked!” Sirius screamed, jumping
up and throwing his arms around his best friend. James Potter,
however, did not look as happy.

“Yes,
it worked, but not in the way you’re thinking, Pads.” He
untangled himself from Sirius and they both crouched on the ground
with Remus, who held on tightly to Hermione.

“What
do you mean?” Sirius asked desperately.

“What
she has done is nothing short of incredible and it almost worked the
way my intelligent Moony thought it would, but
she was forced to stop too soon. Therefore, we can’t
come back as earthly beings.”

Sirius
yelled in protest, but James’ familiar, and extremely missed
smile stopped him short. “But you’re here now,”
Sirius whined, making both Remus and James grin at him.

“But
only for a moment. She has given us a true gift, Moony, and you
should both be proud. We’re no longer stuck in purgatory as
murdered souls, or lost in the veil…we’re free. We
finally get to move on as we should have all those years ago. Look
around boys, we also get the gift of saying our last farewells.”

The
two men looked around and were shocked by what they saw.
Unspeakables of old were speaking to the new, Aurors were talking to
other Aurors, and Lily was talking to her son, tears streaming down
his face as his mother held him for the first time that he could
remember.

“My
son is incredible, is he not? And now I’ll get to watch him
grow as a man, watch as he gets married and has children of his own.”
He turned back to Remus, gently stroking
Hermione’s hair from her forehead as she slowly began to stir.
“You gave me that gift, Moony, and I can never thank you
enough. Take care of your witch, she’s the only one deserving
of you. You both are the brothers I never had and
I will love you even more in death than I did in life.”

Tears
were pouring down their faces and no one made a move to wipe them
away. It no longer mattered that Sirius had survived and the others
wouldn’t, only that they were given this amazing gift of
goodbye. Lily and Harry walked over to join them, father and son
staring at each other for seconds before embracing and starting a new
wave of happy tears.

“We
must go now. Take care of my son, you two,” Lily said sweetly.

Remus
growled suddenly and they all looked at him shocked, except for
James. “It’s okay, Moony. I know about Severus and I
forgave her a long time ago.”

Remus
stared wide-eyed as the startling realizations entered his mind and
he finally understood why the wolf hated her so much. “Seventh
year…you and Severus? During the holidays? And after?”
he stammered in disbelief, listening to the wolf try to explain
himself. Why had he not thought to ask before now?

She
cast her eyes downward and shook her head. “Until I realized I
was pregnant with Harry. Then I told James everything and he forgave
me. I suppose you smelled him on me.”

“Yea,”
Remus mumbled, “I guess so.”

“Love
requires forgiveness, Moony, and compromise. I loved Lily from the
moment I laid eyes on her and I’ll love her through eternity.
Just as I love my son and the two of you. I only hope you all find
that as well.”

With
those last words, Lily and James began to fade into the misty figures
they were before and float to the ceiling. A blazing light engulfed
them and they disappeared with more words of love and hope. Instead
of anger or despair, the men left behind felt nothing but peace and
love, and the satisfaction of having at least those last few moments
with the ones they cared so deeply about.

Remus
stood with Hermione, slowly walking with Sirius to the stairs when
the commotion to their left gained their attention.

“The
souls attacked her and knocked her out!”

“I’ve
never heard of such a thing!”

“She
pushed the Granger girl into the veil on purpose!”

“I
can’t believe the girl did it, she brought them all out!”

“The
wolf won’t be happy,” another muttered.

There,
laying in an unconscious heap on the floor was Tonks, Harry’s
invisibility cloak under her body and a terrified look frozen on her
face.

~
~ ~***~ ~ ~

Remus
sat in the chair beside her bed, his head lay on his forearm and his
hand encasing hers so completely that if she so much as twitched, he
would feel it. Worry and guilt warred for dominance over his
features, but a newfound love shown most brightly from his heart.

“Aren’t
you in the wrong room?” Harry asked coldly, the underlying
meaning of his words more than evident to the man he felt had
betrayed him and whose actions almost resulted in the death of his
best friend.

He
looked up at the young man who was so much like his father, yet
tainted by war and murders that no one should have had to witness.
Before he could respond, the others walked in behind him, matching
looks of accusation firmly in place as they glanced at Hermione and
then glared back at him.

“I
was, uh, just leaving,” he said softly as he stood from his
chair and released her hand.

Slowly,
he made his way down the hall to Tonks’ room. Hermione
deserved so much more than he could ever hope to offer her and he
knew, no matter what it cost him, he would do as originally intended
and leave. As a werewolf, he could have the marriage easily annulled
within hours and spare Tonks the trouble and embarrassment. ‘Again,
blame the wolf,’ he thought, and was rather surprised to
realize that it was indeed his own thought.

What
marriage? He asked himself gloomily as he leaned against the
doorframe and watched his sleeping wife. A marriage based on lies
and deception was not a marriage at all. He had once thought that
providing her with children would solve their problems, and he knew
she believed that still, but he could no longer love a woman who had
tried to kill another and in one of the cruelest ways possible.

Hermione
would be fine, he told himself again. The healer had reassured him
of that only moments before Harry had come in. She had her friends
and family to help take care of her and he knew that Sirius would
keep her safe. And, when the wolf reminded him
that they would die without their mate, he thought bitterly that
perhaps she might feel inclined to attend his funeral and say
farewell.

“Remus?
You stayed.” Tonks’ weak voice pulled him back from his
thoughts and he slowly walked over to her; noting the silence from
the wolf, but feeling the anger and uneasiness nonetheless.

“I’m
here,” he said stiffly, then asked the question that had been
plaguing him all along. “Why, Tonks?
How could you?”

Silent
tears slid down her cheeks as her hands bunched in the crisp, white
sheets. She couldn’t even pretend to misunderstand his
question. “I honestly don’t know. You know I would
never intentionally hurt someone, but…” she trailed off.

“Yea,
I know,” he said honestly, “but why were you there in the
first place?”

“When
I told Kingsley what I had found, he didn’t take my interfering
too nicely and forbid me to join you, so I had to think of another
way. I wanted to see if it could be done, so, I borrowed Harry’s
cloak and followed you.”

“You
were in the room when we spoke to Kings and the other Aurors, weren’t
you? That’s why the wolf kept smelling you,” he added
absentmindedly and she nodded with confusion.

“So,
it’s for real then?” she asked with a sharp bite in her
voice.

He
sighed with exasperation. “I have never lied to you, Tonks,
and this is not something I would make up.”

Her
eyes narrowed slightly at the reversion back to her name, but, before
she could comment, they were interrupted.

“Remus,”
Sirius said quietly from the doorway, “she’s asking for
you.” At Remus’ hesitant look, he added, “Harry
and the others left shortly after you. The Healers say both Tonks
and Hermione can leave now.”

Remus
nodded his head slowly, then looked between Tonks and Sirius. “I
have a duty to Tonks,” he said, raising his hand to stop
Sirius’ irritated rebuttal. “No matter how horrid her
actions, she is still my wife.”

“Have
it your way,” he said angrily, glaring at Tonks before storming
back down the hallway.

“Thank
you,” Tonks muttered. “They’re all going to hate me
now, aren’t they?”

“Yes
and don’t thank me,” he replied through gritted teeth.
“When we get home, you are not to go near her, do you
understand? Don’t talk to her, don’t even look at her.
I don’t care if you’re in the middle of eating a meal,
when she enters the room, you are to get up and leave without a
word.”

He
glared down at her as she slowly stood up, steeling himself against
the emotions playing on her face. The woman that used to be his
strong, caring wife, had become someone he no longer recognized. Of
course, it wasn’t as though he was the same man either.

~
~ ~***~ ~ ~

Hermione
still felt the cold and lonely ache within her body. The Healers had
rechecked her just yesterday and were under the assumption that, due
to her incredible magical weakness, the veil had a much larger impact
on her than it did Remus. Sirius had gently apparated her home and
tended to her in the three days since. He also seemed to understand
her completely and, when curling up into a ball and weeping miserably
for hours on end was all she wanted to do, he held her tightly
against him and sheltered her from the world. The world, it would
appear, also included Remus, as she hadn’t seen him since they
returned. Sometimes, when she felt the
loneliness most acutely, she would smile sadly to herself and think
that perhaps Remus thought Tonks was in the right by trying to send
her into the veil.

Sirius
had tried explaining her reclusive behavior to the others, but no one
seemed to understand enough to leave her alone. How could they
understand? She had dangled Lily and James in front of them only to
have her plan fail when she went into
the veil and they escaped purgatory as souls, not humans. Not
to mention that the Lily and Snape revelation had almost killed
Harry.

They
had blamed her, even if not to her face, and they blamed Tonks, but
most of all, they lay the blame at Remus’ feet and, from what
Sirius had told her, he accepted it without at word. Thinking about
it made her angry, so she tried not to, but to no avail. He had
started to feel loved and accepted for the first time since his
younger days at Hogwarts, but ever since their first kiss in the
kitchen a mere week and a half ago, his life as he knew it began to
change--rapidly.

She
couldn’t understand how her ‘family’ could judge
without first becoming intelligent of the situation. No one knew of
her connection to him and she had hid the faint ring around her
finger well, but they all suspected a cheap affair between them. She
also couldn’t tell them anything related to the situation,
because every time she spoke, she was interrupted by someone asking
her about her own welfare. The entire thing was ludicrous!

Her
bitter thoughts seemed to bring about another wave of nausea and she
tried breathing deeply in hopes that it would abate somewhat before
she joined the party downstairs. The Healers had informed her that,
although strange that she had this effect while Sirius and Remus did
not, the side effects of the veil just weren’t known to
completion yet and she should wait it out.

There
was a soft knock on her door, followed by someone calling,
“Hermione?” Sirius opened the door slowly and peered
inside. Seeing that she was dressed and ready, he walked over to her
and gently grabbed her shoulders. “Are you sure you’re
ready for this?”

“No,
but I have to face him…them sometime. Might as well do it
with a house full of partying Weasleys. I just wish,” she
started, then paused to regroup. “I just wish he would talk to
me, tell me he never wants to see me again, and then let me get on
with my life. I hate not knowing things and this is no different.”

“I
know,” he said softly as he pulled her into his arms. “He
refuses to talk to me about it as well. I think, maybe, he’s
finally gotten control of the wolf and is resorting back to the way
things were. Being away from you has helped that, I’m sure. I
just don’t know.”

“Will
you keep the Firewhiskey nearby?” she asked when he finally
pulled away from her.

He
grinned and nodded knowingly. Later, he could tell her how he had
learned in the last week that getting pissed wasn’t the answer.
James made him realize three days ago, that happiness includes
compromise and, if he could forgive Lily for screwing the greasy git,
then surely Sirius could stop drinking himself back into an early
grave.

Hermione,
however, wanted to stay in a permanent state of numbness and was sure
that seeing Remus wouldn’t help her cause. However, she
gathered her courage and took Sirius’ proffered arm as they
walked through her door and down the steps. Shouts immediately rang
out for the guest of honor, who grinned and joined the festivities.
Funny, Hermione could swear his smile was forced and his charm
practiced.

It
wasn’t an hour later that he joined her on the couch, on the
outskirts of the partying, but sober, crowd. She grinned at him and
patted his shoulder knowingly.

“How
long you figure before the guest of honor can leave without being
rude?”

She
chuckled, but before she could reply, someone began tapping their
glass and she looked up to see Tonks trying to get everyone’s
attention. Hermione thought it fairly humorous that only Tonks’
parents seemed happy to see her today, yet everyone spoke to her as
they usually did and not as the murderess she almost became.

“Since
everyone is here that matters,” she announced nervously as she
smiled at her husband, “I have a surprise. Remus and I are
going to have a baby!”

The
room erupted in cheers and the past almost two weeks were completely
forgotten as Molly and Andromeda rushed over to hug her. Fleur,
Ginny, and Daphne started bombarding her with question after question
about the baby’s name and their plans for its’ future.
Ted clapped Remus on the shoulder before walking over to the gaggle
of women laughing and crying in the middle of the room and hugging
his daughter. Remus, however, looked as though someone influential
had just told him that Earth really was flat and Wizards were just a
myth.

“So,
a baby, eh?” Harry asked Remus, excitement shining in the young
man’s eyes.

Remus
looked across the room, his gaze landing on Hermione for the
millionth time that night. He had tried to ignore her, tried to
distance himself so that when he left tomorrow it would be much
easier, but seeing her tonight made him realize he would never forget
her, not even a minute amount. Now with this impossible pregnancy,
he didn’t know what he should do. The wolf had been strangely
quiet for some time now and he thought it might be possible that
without his interference, Tonks could be pregnant. He just really
didn’t know enough about it to understand yet, and she had
sprung this on him in the middle of everyone. He watched Hermione,
who stood still, talking to Sirius and shaking her head in confusion,
but, when his eyes locked with hers, he could see she was quickly
becoming angry. What gave her the right to be angry with him?

“A
toast,” called Ted, “to my grandchild!”

The
room erupted in cheers, but when Remus looked again to Hermione and
saw the despair in her eyes, his world began to collapse around him.
The wolf was back and he was angry!

“Looks
like the new father-to-be is shell shocked!” Came another shout
and all eyes turned to Remus.

Turning
his attention back to Tonks, he saw her walking slowly his way.

‘SHE
LIES!’ the wolf suddenly roared inside of him. Anger such
as he’d never known surged through his body, integrated into
his veins, and began to mould into his very being. Remus tried
desperately to still his emotions, but to no avail. The anger
burning inside of him hurt physically and he watched in horror as his
fingernails seemed to grow into claws and he could feel hair erupting
through the skin of his arms. The wolf was
breaking free and Remus fell to his knees, clutching his head in his
hands as he prayed his skull wasn’t actually splitting in two
and trying to ignor the concerned cries around him.

‘She
lies!’ came the roar
again.

‘Shut
up!’ he screamed,
hopefully inside his own head as he then pleaded, ‘Just
stop!’

The
wolf slowly began to take control and Remus grabbed his chest in
agony, desperately trying to keep the beast at bay and suddenly
fearing an impossible transformation that wasn’t related to the
moon.

“Remus!
What is wrong with you?” he heard Tonks shout and could swear
she was walking towards him though he wasn‘t at all sure.

‘She
will pay for this treachery!’
the wolf snarled as he glared at Tonks. ‘Pay for her
lies and pay for hurting our mate!’

‘What
in the bloody hell are you talking about? Please, just stop!’

‘I
will kill her for this!’

“NO!”
Remus shouted, falling further onto the floor and scaring everyone in
the room as they continued to stare at him in shock. “I won’t
let you touch her!”

Then
a new voice flew from his mouth, raspy and full of venom that was
directed solely at Tonks. “You will pay for your treachery,
bitch!”

“Oh,
shit!” Sirius exclaimed as the hair on Remus’ chest stood
out and his canines began to elongate. “Everyone get out! Get
out now!” Both he and Hermione had been just as shocked by the
display as the others, but now both came back to reality and realized
the extreme severity of the situation.

There
was mass confusion and murmurs of concern while everyone shuffled out
of the door--giving the crazed man on the floor a very wide berth.

Remus
continued to struggle with the wolf who was slowly taking over. Even
as he watched Tonks look at him with eyes full of hatred, he knew he
couldn’t let the wolf out.

And
then, he felt her. Her gentle hands cupped his head, drawing him
into the circle of her embrace and calming the wolf in ways he could
never do alone. He clung to her, silently begging her to never let
him go as he felt his canines recede a fraction and the misplaced
hair on his body disappear.

The
others all stopped and watched fearfully when Hermione, instead of
walking to the door with them, walked over to Remus. Their own fear
was forgotten and turned to curiosity when they saw her fall to the
floor beside him and then saw the way in which he responded to her.
Tonks looked furious, but Sirius’ hands wrapped roughly around
her arm held her back and she seethed in both fear and anger.

“Shh,
it’s okay,” Hermione murmured softly, holding him to her
as she would a child in need of comfort. Stroking his hair gently
and rocking him back and forth, she ignored those around her and
concentrated fully on him--the man she had fallen in love with so
long ago and the wolf who easily claimed her heart. “I know
she’s not having your child, Moony, it doesn’t matter to
me what she says. You must calm down.”

And
he did. The wolf receded back inside of him, his breathing returned
to normal, along with his features, and a collective sigh of relief
spread throughout the room.

Remus
looked up into her calm face, his blue eyes so full of shame and
turmoil that her heart broke for him. “It’s okay,”
she whispered, cupping his face in her hands before repeating, “It’s
okay.”

His
body sagged against hers in exhaustion, but in that moment he knew…he
knew.
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Darkest Desires