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Angel Of Mercy	By : AttentionDeficit Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 10159 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Can You Help Me, I‘m Bent
I woke up loathing.
Loathing food, loathing clothing, loathing drugs, loathing family, loathing people, and loathing emotions.
I woke up loathing life.
And what a pointless thing life is. Why do you want to live for a hundred years give or take and then die and then go to whatever you believe in? For me personally, it is nothing. Why were we put here? To suffer for decades? I don’t understand. Je ne comprends pas. Oh well. I’m sure all my questions will be answered when I die.
“Really?” The negative voice is my head asks.
NO. I’m lying. I’m not sure of anything. I am beyond confused. I hate myself. I’m not confused about that. I know that is a hundred percent true! Or do I?
It’s time for group. And I’m late for group. But when I arrive everyone seems like a zombie. The living dead. That’s what we are. A group of six with no real reason. No real ambition besides to get that next hit, that new high, that new cut, that new level of no return. Sweet bliss for a little while.
I look around the room, everyone looks normal. Dazed out but normal. My eyes stop at Potter. He’s glaring at me. Glaring daggers. Wishing I was dead. Holy shit! He’s showing emotion. It’s on his face. I am beyond surprised. I am feeling hopeful. HOLY FUCK. Hope. RUN FOR THE HILLS.
I sit there for the entire group period in shock. I broke through him. I, Draco Malfoy finally made an impact on someone else’s life. And I feel… I feel… I feel confusion. Is this the first time this has happened before? I HATE BEING CONFUSED.
Group ends. Everyone starts to leave. Potter comes up to me… oh shit.
”Malfoy, your wrong.” Potter says in a low voice.
”Wrong about what?” I ask calmly.
”People don’t care. They are not supportive. I can’t live a normal life. I am surrounded by pressure to be what they want me too. I have to get married to a girl and have children and become an auror and then a grandparent. I’m not allowed to be gay and marry a man and not have to work. I can’t be Harry. I have to be The-Boy-Who-Lived. Do you think I want to live a life where I can’t be myself!? Do you think I want to see a huge lists of names of people that are dead because of me when I close my eyes?” Potter hisses at me.
Everyone in group is standing around trying to hear anything but they can’t. The only good part about this situation.
”Potter, I know how you feel. I am in the same boat. We are sinking in the same ship. But it’s time we faced it not everyone is going to be on our side. Not everyone is going to be there for us. If friends fail you time and time again there not friends but enemies in disguise. People are like apples. Some are rotten inside and out, your enemies. Some are rotten outside but a perfect apple beneath the skin, your true friends. Some are perfect outside but beneath are rotten to the core, your fake friends. And some a perfect apples, these don’t exist though everyone strives for it, are called your soul mates. It time you face up to the fact that you’re gay and not alone. It’s time you held your head high and surrendered to the feelings you can’t change.” I said. Did I really? Damn that sounded positive. What the fuck is happening to me? Hope and a positive speech to Potter. Could it be love? NO. I am not…Am I? Only one way to find out.
And while Potter is still starring at me trying to get his thoughts straight. I press my lips to his and feel the perfectly smooth feel of his lips on mine. It’s……bliss. But I step back when I feel Potter tense.
”What the fuck was that Malfoy!?” He screams at me.
”That was me showing emotion to the talking inferi. For you have been dead to emotion. A void of everything human for too long. It’s time you woke up.”
”What about you? You keep lecturing me about living but you are in the same fucking boat. We both tried to kill ourselves. Why aren’t you saying anything to your self?”
”I have no one to really live for.” I whisper this. It is lame and pathetic but I am both of those things. And I am truly terrified.
”Oh, fuck you. No one to live for. Just because you don’t see the people doesn’t mean there not there. This is ridicules!” Harry Potter flipping out. This is something to see. Seeing how I don’t think he has talked this much in ages.
A thought arises in my mind: Why is no one breaking us up? We are screaming and yelling at each other. Do they not hear us?
I look over at the people around us to see there is a shield around us. How the fuck is that there?
Potter has noticed it too. “I’m not doing that. They have guards on all magic here from the patients, it is like Azkaban. We are prisoners. In every sense.”
“Who is doing this then? Better question: Who is listening to us? Fuck don’t you hate people?”
”Isn’t it obvious? It’s a doctor, either mine or yours. Some one who knows that we need to work out a few things.”
”Stupid psychiatrists.”
”I think the same.”
”Look we have three things in common, we are both gay, we hate psychiatrists and we both failed at killing ourselves. Great! How pathetic.” I pointed out with sarcasm.
”Malfoy, I don’t fucking care. All I care about is getting out of here and very soon.” Potter strongly said.
“They will let us out if start to hurt each other.” I plainly stated.
”I’m not attacking you.”
”No you won’t be. Tell me the person you hate the most.”
”Why!?”
”Potter, God damn it! Just do it!”
Potter froze. Clearly unsure of whether to lie or tell the truth. He settled on the truth. He whispered, “Myself.”
”Only to be expected if you wound up here. Now look in to my eyes. You will see yourself. And then attack me.”
”What the hell? You don’t remind me of me at all.”
”Not like that, you dimwit. The reflection in my eyes. Use it to see yourself. Since we don’t have a mirror. Okay?”
”Fine.” Potter agreed. “Wait a minute, will you attack me?”
“I didn’t think you wanted me to do that.” I mumbled lamely. I was truly just scared of hurting him. Fuck I’m weak.
”Attack me. Imagine yourself too.”
I nodded and we both stared in to the others eyes. Looking at ourselves. Or at least I was supposed to be. I was actually captivated by the tiny speck of brightness that had returned to the corner of Potter’s right eye. But Potter swung at me. Giving me one hell of a bruising punch. I caught the off guarded look on my face in his eyes and filled with rage. I then took a swing at Potter and before long we were kicking, punching and screaming at each other. Though we really meant it for ourselves.
”You-Fucking-Useless-Faggot!” Could be heard from Potter while I screamed out, “You-Failure! You-Fucking-Pile-Of-Human-Wreckage!”
”WHY DON’T YOU JUST FUCKING DIE!?” We screamed together. At this we both stopped. And stared at each other in shock.
But the three medi-wizards came at us with their wands drawn and gave us both a strong sedative. A very strong sedative…
I wake up to find myself in a white room – white walls, white dresser, white bed, white sheets, white floor, white ceiling, white, white, whitey, white, white. It takes me a bit to realize it is my own room. And then it takes me another bit of time to realize why I am in here again and so disoriented.
I don’t really care that I might be set back a stage. The only thing I can think about is that I kissed Potter. Truly kissed him. Not just a wet dream. That isn’t even the worst part. Nor is the wet dream for who doesn’t have a wet dream about fucking their worst enemy. Hate and lust are close. The worst part is I liked it. I liked it a lot. You could even say I loved it. But don’t say it out loud. And don’t you write it down. I must warn you, self, for papers are meant to be read and then used to start a fire.
The love of a kiss. Not something I thought I would ever feel. I know it sounds stupid to say so but I regret it and yet I want to do it again. Nothing ever works for me. Look how confused I am over this. This is pathetic. I feel ashamed. How dare I feel anything. Fuck I want to be a void of everything. Lifeless in all aspect of the mind. I don’t care if that makes me a hopeless, mindless shell. I just want to stop feeling so much, it just fucking hurts. Who else would feel so fucking horrible for loving the feeling of kissing someone? Unless you were kissing somebody who was already in a relationship. This is so fucked up, it’s a tragedy in the waiting.
I am not an expert on depression or anything of that matter, I’m just a insignificant person who has battled a lot with it and had many times where suicide is the best answer in my mind.
If you are feeling or thinking any of the thoughts showed in this fiction please, please, please get help. Know that someone out there loves you, and if you believe that is bullshit, well know that I love you. If you need to talk to me or just need to have someone that you will never see know about what you are going through, I am here and willing to help. Put in a review that you need to talk to me and I will send you my e-mail address.
Thank you all so very much for what you say and do.
Attention Deficit
- 6
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- 8
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Angel Of Mercy