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Secondhand Heroes	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 6782 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Thank you again for all the reviews!

Chapter
Seven�Determination

�� Harry lay
on his bed and looked up at the ceiling, trying to ignore the feeling of
wrongness about it. This wasn�t his own bedroom at his flat; this was a room he
had spent perhaps two months of his life in. It wasn�t the sort of place where
he wanted to make a decision as life-changing as the one that awaited him.

�� But it was
the place he had.

�� That was
the thought that drowned his self-pity and kept his mind fastened to the path
it needed to take. This was the place he had. This was the choice he had: to
give up his friends and the people who had surrounded him and loved him for the
last eight years, or to watch the world sink further into darkness.

�� He�d felt
this way once before, Harry told himself. He had looked into Snape�s Pensieve
memories, seen that he�d have to die, and begun to tremble and shake. He�d
screamed in his head that there must be a different way, that he couldn�t be
asked to sacrifice this much, and that
surely someone else could take up the burden.

�� But no one
else had been there. No one else would be there now.

�� And at
least he could go on living, which wasn�t an assurance he�d had when he walked
into the Forbidden Forest to confront Voldemort. He could carry his own memories
into the future, and hope to live within them. People in the magical world
abroad should still be able to remember him, because only Britain was under the
influence of the Troublestone. He ought to make a life for himself in France,
or Germany, or Italy, or�where was a place that actually spoke English? Canada,
maybe, or Australia.

�� This isn�t the end of the world, and I ought
not to mourn like it is. Harry braced his hands on the bed and pushed
himself upright against his pillows. I do
still have choices, and options. Think of the dead, like Narcissa Malfoy.
They�ll never have what I do. And I owe them, and all the others who have died
and been tortured�like Malfoy himself�a debt I can�t repay unless I get rid of
the Troublestone forever.

�� Harry�s
shoulders relaxed as he remembered what Malfoy had promised him. The sacrifice
of his own memory in the minds of the Troublestone�s victims would shatter the
damn sapphire forever, and not allow it to teleport anywhere else. That would
lift his guilt. No one could ask any more of him than that, since even killing
himself would only cause the Troublestone to teleport.

�� I�m going to do this.

�� Harry
closed his eyes and spent a moment thinking about Hermione, Ron, Kingsley�whom
he hoped he hadn�t killed�Neville, Ginny, Mrs. Weasley, Bill, all the other
people he knew who had laughed and mourned with him in the past eight years.
Tears threatened his eyes for a moment, but he shook his head and they
subsided. They would remain alive, and that had
to be worth it.

�� Made your
decision, Harry?�

�� Even
Malfoy�s voice was clinging, Harry thought as he opened his eyes, draping
itself along his throat and shoulders like a cobweb. Malfoy stood in the door
of the bedroom, his arms folded and his eyebrow lifted. He might have managed
to carry off the cool impression of someone who didn�t care very much, except
Harry could see the trembling in his hand before he managed to close it around
his elbow.

�� I have,�
he said, deciding to ignore Malfoy�s use of his first name for now. �I have to
do this, or I�ll suffer and they�ll suffer.�

�� Malfoy
closed his eyes and hummed. �I�m glad to see that you�re reasonable about that
part,� he said. He went on before Harry could ask what other part existed to be
reasonable about. �How did you want to die?�

�� I beg your pardon.�

�� They�ll
think you died no matter what,� Malfoy said patiently. �But you can choose the
manner of your false death. Do you want to go in a heroic sacrifice? Do you
want to pretend a Death Eater killed you?� His voice hardened minutely. �I
would ask that you not choose that one, since it might lead to increased
persecution in the wake of the Troublestone�s disappearance. Not even shame
over their former behavior could keep them from getting angry at us if they
thought we killed the Savior.�

�� Harry
nodded. �I want it to be a heroic sacrifice,� he said. �Let them think I
destroyed myself destroying the Troublestone.�

�� Which is
only true, of course.� Malfoy nodded. �You will wake a different person. Ever
the honest Gryffindor.� He stepped towards Harry, moving briskly, but that
clinging warm gaze was back, and Harry shifted uneasily under it. �I�ll gather
the materials that we need for the ritual, then. Most of them should be here,
since this is a pure-blood house once home to people who practiced Dark magic.�
He sat down on the end of the bed, which made Harry pull his legs closer to his
chest. Malfoy didn�t seem to notice. �And are you reasonable about the other
part? About our fates being intertwined?�

�� No,� Harry
said irritably. He had mentally surrendered his hold on his friendships and the
people he loved, everything that made his life worthwhile. He didn�t see why he
should have to surrender his freedom. �I don�t care how much you dreamed about
me. That doesn�t mean we�ll still be living together twenty years from now.
Our�connection�is temporary. You might need me, but I won�t necessarily need
you after I�ve had some time to get emotional distance from this.�

�� This will
affect for the rest of your life,� Malfoy said, barely breathing the words.
�You�ll never get pure emotional distance.�

�� Harry
nodded quickly. �I know. But that doesn�t mean I need to be your friend or your
l-lover.�

�� So
nervous,� said Malfoy, his voice a croon. He cocked his head. �Have you not
slept with another man before?�

�� No,� said
Harry, and told himself that he wouldn�t seem impressed or nervous, no matter
what Malfoy wanted to think. �I slept with Ginny, and that was enough for me.�
He eyed Malfoy for a moment. �Excuse me for not seeking you out earlier and
indulging in all the delights of the flesh you think you have planned for me.�

�� I do wish
you�d sought me out earlier,� Malfoy said, and bowed his head for a moment. �If
only so I needn�t have spent as long as I did in the dungeons.�

�� Harry
winced and pulled his legs up to his chest again, resting his forehead on his
knee. No matter what he said, it was the wrong thing.

�� But even
when I recover from the delusions that admittedly crept up on me when I was in
pain and starving,� Malfoy said, his voice as brisk as his movements of a
moment ago, �I�ll want you. And I can provide you with a safer place than most
of the other people who might remember you.�

�� Harry
lifted his head and blinked at him. �Why? Malfoy Manor was seized, too, and I�m
sure the Ministry has found any family properties that you tried to keep
secret.�

�� Hmmm.�
Malfoy sighed and rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes. �Well, I still
know more about the underground of the wizarding world than you�ve learned in
the last year, I think you�ll agree. If nothing else, I had more opportunity.�
He dropped the hand with a shocking suddenness and leaned forwards, bringing
his face within an inch of Harry�s before he could back away. Malfoy�s voice
was low and intense. �What�s been forged between us won�t end when the
Troublestone is shattered. I need you. You need me. It�s necessary.�

�� Harry took
a deep breath and tried to think, to find the words that would pierce through
the walls of what Malfoy had admitted was a delusion. �It would be convenient
to accompany you for a time,� he began. �But that doesn�t mean we need to stay
with each other permanently, or�or have sex again.�

�� Really?�
Malfoy�s face had an obscene look of tender understanding on it, obscene
because Harry couldn�t think of an emotion that belonged there less. He slung
one leg onto the bed and crawled forwards until Harry was shrinking and
flinching to avoid him. �You couldn�t use the comfort? You aren�t dying to feel
something beyond heroic determination and hopeless despair? You don�t want me
to make you feel pleasure in more than a single desperate moment after the
battle?� He tilted his head to the side, and there was a whimsical smile on his
mouth. �You don�t want to know what my hands can do to your naked skin? It was
through cloth last time, after all.�

�� Harry hated
how weak he was, that the words Malfoy was speaking sounded good to him.

�� You don�t
want�� Malfoy began, and reached out to stroke the top of Harry�s knee.

�� You know what
the fuck I want?� Harry spat, yanking his leg away. �I want some bloody
sympathy for giving up my life yet again! I want a break from being the
sacrifice for once! I want the universe to choose someone else to right all the
wrongs of the world and spare the evil and the good and the horrible and the
righteous! I want to live out the rest of my days in comfort with Ron and
Hermione and the Weasleys, and forget this awful year ever happened.� To his
shame, his voice cracked, and he pushed his face into his hands, breathing
deeply and evenly to rid himself of the temptation to cry.

�� You can�t
have most of those things,� said Malfoy, his voice utterly reasonable. �But
sympathy? Yes, I think I can do that.�

�� His arms
wrapped firmly around Harry�s torso, and then he used his chin to nudge Harry�s
hands away from his face. Harry stared at him, certain his eyes were swollen
and full of tears, certain Malfoy was about to mock him.

�� Instead,
Malfoy kissed him, his lips firm and gentle, moving against Harry�s not to urge
them to open but because he wanted to sigh into Harry�s mouth. Harry sat stiff,
and Malfoy stroked one hand across the nape of his neck and leaned him back
into the pillows. Then he crawled on top of Harry, and Harry was surrounded by
a cocoon of warmth, just as he�d hoped a few moments ago that he might be. But
that wish was even more impossible to voice than his wish that things could be
different.

�� Everyone
needs comfort,� Malfoy whispered into his ear. �I can do that, whether or not
you let me make you feel good.�

�� This makes
me feel better than sex,� Harry said, his eyes shutting involuntarily.

�� A startled
silence, and Harry tensed, fearing Malfoy would laugh. But Malfoy shook his
head, his hair rasping across Harry�s forehead and his scar, and said, �You�re
a strange one, Harry Potter.� His arms tightened again. �I can�t take this
burden away from you, but I�ll be at your side, helping you bear it.�

�� Harry
shivered. Such a strange ally, not the one he would have chosen. But then, had
he been able to choose, nothing about this situation would have happened at
all; his friends would have remained in possession of their own minds and
Malfoy would have escaped being tortured.

�� The
universe wouldn�t listen to him, so he had to make the best of what remained.

�� That�s the
real reason you shouldn�t be so anxious to leave me,� Malfoy breathed into his
ear. �I want to help you, and God knows you could use the help.� For just a
moment, his lips touched Harry�s forehead where his hair had rested.

�� Harry
finally gave in and hugged Malfoy back, fiercely enough he thought the other
man would wince. But Malfoy never spoke a word of complaint, and Harry fell
asleep that way, pinned down by the person who, in the world at the moment,
most understood him.

*

�� A knife,�
said Malfoy, and picked up one that had lain in the corner of the attic for
Merlin knew how long. He hefted it thoughtfully in his hand, and Harry edged
nearer to look at it. It was made of dull steel which shone oddly at the edge,
as though a strip of silver had been inlaid there, and the hilt was some slick
dark stone, obsidian perhaps. Harry didn�t have to concentrate to feel the aura
of Dark magic wavering about it.

�� Why a
knife?� Harry shook his head. �Wouldn�t it be just as likely that I�d kill
myself by drowning or some painless poison?� He�d thought he remembered
reading, sometime in the research they�d made him do instead of real Auror work
for the past year, that those were the two most common methods of suicide.

�� Malfoy laughed
quietly and spun on one heel to face Harry. Harry kept his expression carefully
blank, but a little current of exasperation burned under that. He didn�t
understand the change that had come over Malfoy since their impromptu nap.
Suddenly he seemed almost maniacally cheerful, and he traveled through the
attics and abandoned rooms of Grimmauld Place as though he knew where every
Dark artifact they�d need was. Harry had tried to suppress uneasy suspicions of
betrayal, and really, he hadn�t found it too difficult. Malfoy wanted revenge
on the people who had imprisoned him and the people who were ultimately
responsible for that imprisonment because they�d interdicted his wand and his
blood. He wouldn�t put the effort to break the Troublestone in jeopardy.

�� But neither
did Harry know what decision he�d come to that had so changed his mood.

�� A knife is
more dramatic, Harry,� Malfoy said, and took a dancing step closer to him. His
eyes were so brilliant that it was like watching two windows alight in a
burning building. �A knife makes it more likely that they�ll believe the false
scenario and ritual we construct. Of course you would slit your throat and
spill your blood in order to awaken them from the Troublestone�s grip, and of
course you would do it with a knife like this.� He brandished the blade with
the obsidian handle again.

�� Harry
nodded slowly. When he could step back enough to look at his suicide�or his
pretended suicide�from an emotional distance, he could admit that sense of the
fitness of things. �All right,� he said. He glanced back at the basket of items
Malfoy had collected on the table next to them. �The knife, a horn, a sapphire
bracelet��

�� Which we
only really need for the sapphires,� Malfoy said, curling his lip as he tossed
the knife into the basket. �Thank God. Bloody ugly thing.�

�� Harry
nodded politely, though he really didn�t see why this was the moment to comment
on the taste of the Black ancestors. �And oil,� he said. �What else?�

�� A potion,
but it�s dead easy to brew and I�ve already confirmed that I have the ingredients.�
Malfoy leaned against the wall for a moment, his hands clasped behind his back.
His chest rose and fell with deep breaths. Harry eyed him, and then decided to
just ask. In the strange mood Malfoy was in, he might get lucky and receive a
straight answer.

�� What�s
made you so cheerful?�

�� Malfoy�s
eyes flared open, and he bolted across the room towards Harry, stopping in
front of him with a precision as unnerving as it was beautiful. He reached out and
framed Harry�s face with his hands, carefully stroking Harry�s cheeks with the
tips of his index fingers.

�� You,� he
said.

�� Harry
blinked at him and said nothing. He didn�t want to interrupt Malfoy, but even
without that, he doubted he could have said anything that would make sense around the lump in his throat.

�� You did
it,� Malfoy said. �You agreed, where so many other people would have bargained
or sought some other solution. You know the meaning of duty, and you know the
meaning of love.�

�� Harry made
a rough movement before he could stop himself, as if he would seize Malfoy�s
hands and take them away from his face. Malfoy removed them before he could
touch them, and laughed.

�� Love for
your friends, and not for me,� he said. �I�m not mad enough to think that you
love me yet.�

�� Carefully
ignoring the yet for now, Harry
stared him straight in the eyes. �And you�re so thrilled just because you
thought there was a chance I wouldn�t sacrifice my friends� memories of me for
the Troublestone? But what kind of person would I be if I didn�t do that?�

�� An
ordinary one,� said Malfoy. �And the world is full of them.� He reached out and
seized Harry�s shoulders, guiding him close enough that he could kiss him
passionately. Harry kept his mouth firmly closed, and after a moment Malfoy
moved away from him again, grinning.

�� You have
to admit that was worth a try.�

�� Why?�
Harry faced the basket of Dark magical items Malfoy had collected, and did his
best to work on removing the blush from his face.

�� Because it
was self-evidently worth a try, so
you have to admit it.� Malfoy sounded as exasperated as a cat who�d fallen into
the bath.

�� No.� Harry
looked back at Malfoy, though he had the feeling that he was tempting fate by
doing so. �Why was it worth a try to you?�

�� Malfoy
smiled. �You�re the hero I hoped for,� he said, �the hero the world needs right
now. And I�ve always wanted to kiss a hero.�

�� You could
put your lips to your mirror and get a more passionate response,� Harry
retorted.

�� Malfoy�s
face changed; the smile vanished so quickly that Harry fell back a pace in
spite of himself and laid his hand on his wand. He told himself he was
ridiculous even as he moved. If he didn�t trust Malfoy by now, why in the world
had he agreed to the git�s insane plan?

�� You think
I�m a hero.� Malfoy�s voice trembled. One hand rose as if he would touch his own
hair or reach out to Harry, and then dropped back to his side again.

�� Of
course.� Harry rolled his eyes when Malfoy just went on staring at him. �What
else can I do to prove it?�

�� That�s
enough,� said Malfoy. �I simply had no idea that you thought it, that�s all.�
He moved forwards again, his hand rising so slowly that Harry didn�t take alarm
until he found it resting against his cheek. And then it would have seemed
stupid to jerk away from so mild a touch, so he settled for glaring instead.

�� Your pleasure
and your comfort matter to me,� Malfoy said, his eyes searching Harry�s
expression. �I know you don�t believe me right now, but they do. And after you
save the world, those things will still matter to me.� He took Harry�s hand and
kissed the back of it this time, then moved over, picked up the basket, and
raced towards the stairs down from the attic. Harry blinked after him until he
called impatiently, �Really, Harry, the ritual won�t complete itself, you
know.�

�� Harry
followed him, mind patterned with confusion.

*

�� And once
again they stood outside the Ministry with Malfoy tucked under the Invisibility
Cloak, mostly to hide his hair, and Harry with his own ordinary cloak pulled
over his head. He watched the wards flicker and dance over the phonebox that
would let them into the Ministry, and wondered what anti-Potter ones they had
added in the past few days. Would they use wards that detected his blood? Surely
they had a sample of it somewhere they could work off of. Or would they simply
try and trap him, desperate as they must be to rescue him from the clutches of
a man they probably thought had used Imperius on him?

�� Malfoy
touched his elbow, and Harry started, but he understood the silent message and
acknowledged it with a nod. They had to act. Simply standing here would do no
good. He moved forwards, and Malfoy moved after him, softer than the shadow he
resembled.

�� The wards
on the phonebox refused to spit when they encountered him, and Harry raised his
eyebrows. Well. They must have decided to
take the chance of my showing up and causing havoc again. Or maybe the
Troublestone has persuaded them that I�m not to be interfered with no matter
what happens.

�� Or else there are wards further into the
Ministry that are meant to trap me. Harry grinned, and knew it was a savage
grin that would have frightened him if he could have seen it reflected. Maybe they just don�t think I�m bold enough
to come in by the front door.

�� No wards
spat at them as they entered the phonebox, either, and jolted down, whilst
Malfoy stood close to Harry just because he could. Harry shut his eyes and
composed himself. No wards, but they must have surveillance spells. He and
Malfoy would step out into a greeting force of Aurors in the Atrium.

�� And then
they stepped into the Atrium, and met no one. Harry froze, staring around.
There was a large hole in the floor where the Fountain of Magical Brethren had
been, now covered with the blue dome of a magical barrier. The snow-thick wards
Harry had become used to seeing still draped and decorated the walls and doors
and fireplaces. But no one was there to stop them, and the wards ignored Malfoy
as if he didn�t exist, though he had said they couldn�t use the blood spell to
protect him this time and make the magic think he was Harry.

�� What is
going on?� Harry whispered, mostly to himself.

�� Malfoy
answered him from the side, making Harry start and turn. �Once there was a
phoenix,� he said, as he pulled the Invisibility Cloak from his shoulders and
head. His hair wasn�t ruffled, and it seemed to shine with a light of its own;
the dim lamps above the fireplaces weren�t strong enough to reach that far.
�And a group of people who served the phoenix, and called themselves after it,
because they fought the Dark Lord. And why not? The phoenix is a powerful
symbol of the light devouring the darkness.�

�� He shook
his head and lifted a hand. Shadows moved about them. Harry stared around and
saw wizards and witches stepping from the corners. Most of them had deeply
scarred faces and limps, or missing limbs, or the general world-weary look
Harry had got used to seeing in the mirror. More than one had a bared left
forearm, and there he could make out the Dark Mark. They moved in the same
absolute silence Malfoy had displayed, and from their uplifted wands trailed
blue and silver sparks, which formed a dampening curtain over the wards.

�� But when
darkness fights darkness,� Malfoy continued, his voice high-pitched and eerie
and exalted, �you need a different symbol than a phoenix.� Harry heard a
swishing noise that might have been Malfoy sweeping a hand through the air, but
he was enthralled by the people in front of him and couldn�t look away.

�� The wizards
and witches turned back their sleeves, or lifted their robe collars, or pulled
at chains around their necks until the medallions on them hung openly on their
chests. Each symbol thus revealed was the same: a stylized, rearing serpent
with wide-spread wings and a curl trailing out of its mouth that might be meant
to represent a stream of flame.

�� Malfoy�s
boot scraped on the floor. Harry turned to face him and saw his eyes shining
the same way they had in the attic earlier, with mad flame.

�� I couldn�t
reveal them to you until I knew I could absolutely trust you,� Malfoy said
softly, �until you had made a commitment equal to ours and said that you would
sacrifice your life to break the Troublestone.� He bowed, but kept his eyes
fastened on Harry all the time, so there was nothing of subjection in the
gesture. �The Order of the Dragon, and its leader, at your service.�

*

�� cleo: Thank
you! I think Harry�s learned in this chapter that Draco was even stronger than
he knew.

�� And that�s
an interesting interpretation of Draco�s plan. I agree that it will change
Harry�s life in positive as well as negative ways, but at the moment, he�s
really grieving to lose his first real family.

�� Dezra:
Draco is the only one who knows how to perform the ritual, so Harry needs him
for that.

�� linagabriev:
Oh, sorry, I thought I�d mentioned that. But Malfoy�s earlier comments on that
are the key here. He wants to shatter the stone, so he�s chosen a plan that
will do that.

�� Harry doesn�t
think Draco will want him either,
when he�s �cooled off� so to speak. Draco admitted in this chapter that part of
the connection he�s forged with Harry is a delusion he used to survive his
torture.

�� I think I
know what you mean now. Yes, Harry and Draco share a weirdly peaceful
connection in the moments when Harry allows himself to experience it. ;) One
reason Harry wants to leave it behind is because he doesn�t trust how he feels
during those moments. And he did think of escaping to the Muggle world by
himself first; he was surprised when Draco suggested accompanying him.

�� minn yun:
Thank you!

�� avihenda:
Thank you! I believe that Draco would let Harry go if Harry had only showed him
revulsion, but Harry showed so much more than that that Draco wants to keep
him.

�� Mangacat:
Thanks! And yes, the sacrifice seems to be the paramount way Harry can save the
world. Of course, it�ll be a little harder for him to give up his life again
after this!
- 6
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- 8
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Secondhand Heroes