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Linger	By : desespoir Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 8509 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me. Everything belongs to the brilliant J.K. Rowling. I own nothing and make no money from writing this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Chapter 6: Pray it won�t fade away
I won�t let the shadows take their toll. I won�t cover my head in the dark and I won�t forget you when we part. I won�t heal given time. I won�t try to change your mind. I won�t feel better in the cold light of day but I wouldn�t stop you if you wanted to stay. � Porcupine Tree, �Collapse the Light into Earth�

Pansy was sitting in his chair when he entered the study. He narrowed his eyes as she lifted a note from off the desk using her fingers to play with it before she held it between her middle and forefinger.

�I believe you have an admirer. Getting anonymous messages with declarations of love?� she smirked, raising a perfectly arched eyebrow.

Draco let out a sigh, running his hand through is blond locks in a tired fashion, �I�m really not in the mood for this right now. Why are you here?�

�Can�t I visit a friend?�

�We�re not friends, Pansy,� he said acerbically, lashing out at her thoughtlessly. He just wanted to sit in the corner and brood, perhaps get extremely inebriated as well.

Pansy�s eyes flashed with pain for a brief moment before she quickly hid it behind a sneer, �What�s got your knickers in a twist?�

�Piss off and get out of my house,� he nearly snarled as he walked towards her, ripping the note away from her prying fingers.

�Ever the welcoming host.�

He ignored her words and looked down at the note in his hands. It was the same. It was always the same. The same parchment, the same red wax seal, and as he opened the letter, he knew that inside would be the same writing with another taunting passage that�s purpose was still the same: to rip him from inside out, slowly, painfully, and without mercy.

Draco read the note in anxious silence.

A servant grafted in my serious trust

And therein negligent; or else a fool

That seest a game play'd home, the rich stake drawn,

And takest it all for jest.

�What�s it say?�

�Nothing of importance,� he faked nonchalance as he folded the note back up and placed it on his desk in the corner furthest away from Pansy�s grasps. �Honestly, why are you here?�

Pansy nearly flinched as she felt his gaze upon her. His eyes were a deep blue and she could see the pain beneath his carefully controlled fa�ade. She was part of the reason for that pain even though he didn�t know it. He would never know it. She could never be honest with him and tell him the truth. As righteous as she wanted to be, she knew she would never be strong enough to tell Draco everything. It had gone on for too long. She was too involved.

He would never forgive her.

She couldn�t lose him. He was the one constant and friend that she had her entire life and yes, she drove him crazy and yes, they often verbally attacked each other but underneath it all, she really did love him and she knew he loved her too. Not in a romantic way, though she did have feelings for him at one point in her Hogwarts years, but nevertheless, Draco had always been in her heart.

And here she was, betraying him and lying to his face all the while keeping a fake smile plastered to her face.

She was supposed to sleep with him tonight. Her latest task was to get Draco into bed again. She didn�t bother asking why but she could only assume that things with Hermione were not going well for Draco and that this was just another way to break him further. He loved her so much, Pansy knew and because of his weakness, his need for someone to love him back, to care for him, to touch him, he would give in and when morning came, he would hurt.

She didn�t want to hurt him but she had to. She had to protect the one she cared about and while she loved Draco there would always be one other person that occupied a greater space in her heart and they would always come first.

So, she had to do this. She knew it would kill him and she could do nothing but watch helplessly on the sideline as he burned and deteriorated into a shell of the man he was before.

His back was turned to her. She gently caressed his shoulder, shutting her eyes. In that moment, there was no one else. It was only Pansy and Draco and they were friends. Life was simple. His grey eyes still glimmered with happiness and his lips still turned up into his boyish smile with a hint of a smirk.

He was happy and she was happy for him.

The moment passed and the next thing she knew, she was throwing herself into his arms, kissing him forcefully. She poured her sorrow and regret into it, hoping to convey to him how worthless and pathetic she knew she was. How she never meant to hurt him and how much hurting him was hurting her. She wanted to slap him upside the head and demand that he go after Granger and drag her to his bed and handcuff her there, if need be, until she loved him again. She wanted to tell him that all he needed to do was show her his memories and she would love him again. She wanted to tell him everything.

She wanted to be a good friend and give him advice only a woman could give. She wanted to help him win the girl of his dreams back.

But, instead she was curling her arms around his body, unwillingly taking part in his destruction.

Granger had rejected him again and she would keep rejecting him because she had no one else to put the blame on. And Pansy knew Draco would never cave and show her his memories because of his goddamn pride. He wanted her to come back to him on his own accord. He didn�t want to force her and he didn�t want to make her feel that she was obligated to be with him.

He truly loved her.

And, Pansy knew that because of that, he would let Hermione go if that was what she wanted.

Pansy choked back a sob and continued to kiss him. Please don�t ever let her go. Don�t give up Draco. Don�t ever let her go. Don�t give up on her.

Because if he did, she would die. He would kill her.

-*-

�Hermione,� Harry asked, his face flushing with embarrassment, �What happens in The Winter�s Tale?� He fumbled with his fingers awkwardly, �I never managed to get my hands on a copy of Shakespeare growing up. The Dursleys weren�t big readers. Shocking, I know.�

She smiled in return, squeezing his shoulder, �You can borrow some of my books. I know I have some Shakespeare lying around somewhere. Besides, it�s one of his more obscure plays anyway so don�t be embarrassed.�

Hermione walked alongside Harry towards Viola�s flat. The apparition point was a few minutes distance away from the flat. It wouldn�t do to apparate directly to her doorstep as the flat was in the middle of muggle Edinburgh. It would�ve been quite shocking indeed to appear out of nowhere and scare the living daylights of the passersby.

�It�s really quite a sad story. Hermione is the queen to King Leontes. In the beginning of the play, the king�s best friend Polixines is about to leave and return to his kingdom. Leontes begs him to stay but Polixines refuses. Finally, Leontes asks Hermione to convince him because she is a better orator. After she talks to him, he agrees to stay but Leontes becomes incredibly jealous and paranoid, convinced that they were having an affair. He arrests her and she supposedly dies of grief while in prison. Like any foolish and irrational bastard, he realizes his mistake and mourns for the next 16 years. At the end of the play, Hermione returns and it�s proclaimed to be a miracle.� She laughed at Harry�s incredulous face.

�Why on earth would your parents ever name you after her?�

She smiled and shrugged, �It�s supposed to be a comedy but I always found the story to be rather tragic. My mom thought it was a nice love story.�

�It is tragic,� Harry nodded in agreement, �I�m happy I didn�t read it now.�

Hermione simply laughed again before she walked up the steps to her flat. She whispered a quick unlocking spell before she stepped through the door.

Everything was just as she left it.

�So, what exactly are we looking for?�

�Anything, really. Anything that might seem out of place or non-muggle. Anything that might lead to whoever did this to you.� Harry sat down on her couch, smiling as he spotted a familiar title resting on the coffee table, �Perfect! Can I borrow this?� He held up the paperback, �I know I said I didn�t want to read it but I can�t help my morbid curiosity.�

Hermione�s eyes narrowed as she took an unconscious step back, �That�s not mine.�

�What?� Harry dropped the book back onto the table as if he had just been burned.

�That�s not mine. Someone put that there.�

On her coffee table amidst scattered magazines and newspapers was a well-worn copy of The Winter�s Tale.

-*-

He was staring again. Hermione wanted to be annoyed at him but she couldn�t rid the guilt in the pit of her stomach. She knew she had no right to be irritated with him. He had been nothing but respectful and patient but she felt that it seemed everyone had just assumed that she would run back into his arms and everything would be roses and sunshine once again.

She didn�t remember him. She might�ve loved him in a previous life but right now, in that moment, she didn�t know what she felt. She didn�t know what it felt like to love Draco Malfoy. She didn�t remember. Every time she looked at him, she just felt an itching inside of her heart, a hollow. Like something that had been there before had been torn out of her but she couldn�t remember. She didn�t know what it was to love him.

She barely knew him.

It was all too easy to hate him and to distance herself away from him. He was an easy target and he seemed to accept her avoidance, almost as if he felt that it was some form of deserved punishment.

She was conflicted and upset and guilty and confused and desperate and annoyed. She wanted to fill that void inside of her and she just wanted to be rid of that damn pull in her heart. She wanted to be left alone. She wanted someone to wrap their arms around her and caress her hair and whisper sweet nothings. She wanted to crawl into bed and never leave. She wanted him to crawl in with her and never let her go. One person could not possibly feel this much and Hermione felt that she was close to spontaneously combusting.

Her heart and mind were tired.

She didn�t know what to do. What was the right thing to do now? She had always prided herself on being a good person�one with strong morals and standards and one that never purposefully hurt others. She was always the good girl. Yet, she was at a loss for what the next step was.

She should apologize to Draco for the appalling way she had been treating him and what was next? Should they be friends?

Could she do that to him? She knew he was still passionately and desperately in love with her. It would probably be a slap in the face if she asked him to repress those feelings and just be friends.

Did she want more? She didn�t know him well enough to decide that. Hermione let out a frustrated sigh and looked up, unsurprised to see Draco staring intently at her, not even pretending to read the files lying in front of him on the desk.

�I�m sorry,� she whispered quietly.

He seemed surprised. At what? Her apology? The fact that she was actually speaking to him without malice?

Hermione felt the guilt inch a little deeper into her heart. �I know I�ve been extremely unfair to you for the past few weeks and I�m truly sorry for that. It�s just been,� she waved her hands around her head, �a bit jumbled up here.�

He was quiet. Hermione regarded his stiffened posture with a wary eye. What was he thinking? �I would like to make it up to you.�

No reaction.

�Perhaps dinner?� she asked softly, �I�m not much of a cook but I try.�

�You never were,� Draco mused gently, his face nostalgic.

�I need to be honest with you,� Hermione said quietly. She played with the hem of her skirt, �I�m not her anymore.�

His brow furrowed in confusion as he waited for her to elaborate.

�Whatever it is that you remember and whoever it was that you fell in love with is a different person than the one I am now. I know you want me to just jump back into a loving relationship with you but I can�t. I don�t love you, Draco,� she said honestly, �I don�t remember you. I don�t know you.�

His face was pained and Hermione knew she was hurting him yet she pushed on, �But, I want to. It won�t be easy and I know it will be frustrating for you to repeat it all again but I do want to try. I want to love you.�

Hermione looked down, unable to look him the eye as she waited for a response. She brushed some invisible lint from her dress.

�I�ll do the cooking. I don�t want to get food poisoning on our first date.�

Her stomach tingled at his words and her head snapped up as a wide smile graced her face, �I wouldn�t want the burden of taking care of you for the entire night anyway. Quite tiresome, I�m sure.�

He smirked at her, �Tomorrow night then?�

�Perfect.�

-*-
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