The Light In The Darkness | By : RikuRocks Category: Harry Potter AU/AR > Slash - Male/Male Views: 2791 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Harry Potter, nor am I making any money from this work of fiction. |
Severus did not believe he had ever been angrier, nor had he hated the old man more than he did at that moment.
Part of him would actually have preferred to believe that he did it to himself, but he knew Dumbledore all too well…he manipulated his supporters like pawns in a chess game and no one could hope to see his strategy before he intended.
However, his most recent strategy might be demanding too much, as far as Severus was concerned. For Dumbledore, it wasn’t much really. He was dying anyway, so why not use that to his advantage. It’s what any good strategist would do.
For Severus however, it meant he had to forfeit everything he had fought to keep or lose all he had fought for already. It was an inescapable conundrum.
Only four people were of true consequence to Severus. Dumbledore, who had given him a chance to make things right despite his past errors; Voldemort, whose good graces he had to remain in if they had any chance of taking the lunatic down; and Harry Potter, who he hated but needed and anyway, he was Lily’s son…that had to stand for something. Last but certainly not least, was Remus, the only person to show Severus the unconditional love that Dumbledore prattled on about constantly.
Now, Dumbledore wanted him to sacrifice each of them. If they were successful, Voldemort would be dead not long after Dumbledore, the Potter brat would hate Severus for the rest of their miserable lives whether he learned the truth or not, and Remus would be heartbroken regardless of the outcome.
He would lose all of them. Yet, it was the clearest way to save those that he could, and Dumbledore was not truly giving him a choice anyway.
Then, there was that damned Unbreakable Vow, as well as the fact that Draco, who Severus cared for, honestly did not deserve to be in his current position. The mistakes of his father and the demented will of a madman should not be his burden to bear, and unlike Severus, the boy still had a chance to avoid staining his soul.
In truth, Severus knew he had no choice from the moment Dumbledore made the ‘suggestion’, but that did not mean he had to accept it graciously and he certainly did not have to like it.
Severus grabbed a pinch of Floo Powder and threw it into the fireplace before calling, “Remus!”
Seconds later, the werewolf stumbled out of the flames with a look of concern on his face. “Severus…what’s the matter?”
The obsidian-eyed man shook his head dejectedly, his anger ebbing in the lycanthrope’s presence. “I…I cannot tell you.”
Remus simply placed a hand on the taller man’s shoulder as he nodded his understanding. They both had become accustomed to comforting the other for trials they could not speak of; it was one of the many sacrifices they made as spies for the Order.
“I don’t know if I want to do this any longer, Remus,” Severus admitted bitterly. “I don’t know if I can do this. He may have finally asked for too much…”
The scarred man slowly pulled his lover into a gentle embrace, taking care that the other could pull away if he was still to angry for such tenderness. “We both have to do things that we regret, Severus. All we can do is trust that the end will justify the means. If you cannot trust that anymore…then don’t do it. I’m not ready to lose faith yet, but I’ll support you no matter what. You know that.”
The obsidian-eyed man smiled sadly and pulled the lycanthrope closer. He pressed Remus’ head against his shoulder and smelled his hair. Whenever he had moments of uncertainly, Remus always reminded him that they were in it together and that he would not fault Severus for quitting, whereas Severus always told Remus that they do what they must and that there would be time for the emotional breakdowns they deserved later.
He simply breathed in his lover‘s scent and enjoyed feeling his weight in his arms for a moment before responding, thanking Merlin for the werewolf‘s patience. “I know you mean to, but I doubt even you could condone this, should I see it through.”
Remus frowned but tightened one arm around Severus‘ waist while running the other through his hair, not paying any mind to the oily texture as usual. “Your heart has always been in the right place. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make these decisions any easier -and it makes them all the harder to live with- but whatever you choose, I’ll know you did it with the best of intentions.”
“Whatever my intensions and whatever my decision, someone who does not deserve to perish will,” the raven-haired man murmured acrimoniously as he tightened his hold on the slightly smaller man.
The brown-eyed man ignored his lover’s forceful grip and bitter tone as he replied honestly, “That’s terrible, Severus…I’m so sorry.” His ran his hand through the Potions Master’s hair a few more times, knowing he enjoyed the feeling. “I wish I could do more to help…”
Severus loosened his hold enough to be able to look at Remus. Words about understanding and companionship were not for him, but he trusted the fawn-haired man to understand what he meant as he said, “Well, you aren’t entirely useless.” He smiled weakly as he ran a hand down to the small of his lover’s back.
Remus lifted his hands to cup each of the taller man’s cheeks as he looked into his eyes seriously. “Just take care of yourself, whatever you decide, please.”
Without waiting for a response, because he knew what it would be anyway, the werewolf leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Severus’ lips. The raven-haired man wasted no time in deepening it, demanding more.
Tomorrow, he would bear the most difficult decision of his life.
Tonight, he would have the one thing he never wanted to sacrifice.
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