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The Long-Desired	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 12097 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; that belongs to J. K. Rowling. I am making no money from this fic.

Chapter List
- 1-The Long-Desired
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 6-Part 6
- 7-Part 7
- 8-Part 8
- 9-Part 9
- 10-Part 10
- 11-Part 11
- 12-Part 12
- 13-Part 13
- 6
- 7
- 8
Thank you again for all the reviews!

�� Ten in the
evening?� Hermione nodded and flung a cloak over her shoulders. Her tone was
distracted as she bent down to sort through a bag at her feet in search of
something, but Harry knew she would remember everything he said to her.
Hermione had long since got past the stage where she forgot things. �That�s
fine. A reasonable hour, for both me and Malfoy.� She straightened back up with
a book in her hands and a deep sigh, then shot Harry a keen glance. �It seems that
you�re going out of your way to accommodate us both, Harry.�

�� Harry
folded his arms and tried to look dignified and solemn when he really felt
defensive and like a small child. �I know I did something wrong,� he said. �I�m
sincere in my desire to make up for that, Hermione.�

�� For no
reason that Harry could see, her smile wavered, and she nodded. �I know,� she
said. �But I wish you had a better motivator than guilt. I wish you were
agreeing to meet with me because you wanted
to, and with Malfoy because you�d seen what good the bond could do you
already.�

�� Harry
glared at her. �I just started
thinking that maybe the way I�d been doing things was the wrong way,� he said.
�I know that you�re impatient for me to get better, but maybe you could let me
try to come back to health at my own pace?�

�� Hermione
stared at him with her mouth open for a moment. Then she ducked her head and
nodded. �Sorry, Harry,� she said with a rueful smile. �Ron lets me manage him just
as I like. Sometimes I forget that not everyone will do that. And it�s probably
good practice for dealing with Malfoy, anyway,� she added. Then she leaned over
as if to catch a glimpse of a clock on the wall that Harry couldn�t see, and
squeaked. �I�m going to be late!� She waved a hand at him and scurried away.
Harry shut the Floo connection and leaned back on his hands and heels.

�� He could
feel a sullen impulse to rebellion stirring in him. Yes, he�d been wrong to use
Dark magic, and probably to think that he would never feel anything after
Ginny�s death, since Malfoy had made him feel certain things without much
effort. But he wasn�t wrong about everything.
He wasn�t wrong that vampires murdered a lot of innocent people, and God
knew what vampires like the Collector or Caspar would have done if he hadn�t
stopped them.

�� So he
wasn�t wrong about everything, and he
wasn�t going to change everything about himself to suit Malfoy and Hermione.

�� Besides, I don�t think Malfoy would want a
partner who just lay down in front of him and let him have his way. At the
least, it would bore him.

�� Harry
rolled his eyes. Since when did it matter to him what Malfoy wanted? It didn�t,
except that Malfoy could make his life difficult in front of Hermione. So he
would go along, and make what compromises he needed to make, and try his best
to understand the strange turn his life had taken, and try to atone for using
Dark magic and hurting an innocent animal.

�� But he
wasn�t going to say that everything he had done in the past few years was
stupid. He didn�t want to live happily ever after with a vampire. He could put
up with pleasure now and then, and maybe help on his hunts, if Malfoy really
had no loyalty to his own kind. Other than that, he didn�t see any reason they
shouldn�t live essentially separate lives. What in the world did they have to
do or talk about or share with each other?

�� I�ll do what I can, he decided, rising
to his feet and brushing the soot and dust of the hearth off his hands. But it�s out of the question to ask me to
change everything that I am merely so that I can get in good with Malfoy.

*

�� Draco
sighed as the scent of his Long-Desired�s blood came to his nostrils,
accompanied by the salt-and-earth scent of Granger. He had landed a distance
away and was walking in now, because he thought the sight of him leaping like a
mad kangaroo might discomfort Granger. Harry knew well enough that Draco didn�t
move like a mortal, but it was best not to confront Granger with evidence of
his capabilities if he could avoid it. Granger was his best ally against
Harry�s own stubbornness.

�� Well, perhaps my second-best ally, Draco
thought, as he walked over a small hill and came into sight of Harry and
Granger waiting for him on the moor. Harry�s
fascination with me last night is the best.

�� He smiled
in spite of himself at the memory of the look of rending confusion that his
Long-Desired had given him, and then he moved closer still, eager to replace
memories with more experience of the real thing.

�� Harry was
facing him, of course, his expression set in hard lines that made Draco lick
his lips as he thought of how he would make those hard lines melt. Granger had
a lit wand in her hand and she gave a small nod of satisfaction when Draco
appeared in front of her.

�� I called
you here because I want to speak to you about reconciling,� she said. �I think
it�s important if you�re ever going to live in the way that the books say the
vampire and his Long-Desired have to.�

�� Harry
snorted and rolled his eyes. �How are we supposed to live, Hermione? He�s
literally dead half the day. We have nothing in common but an interest in
predation.� He gave Draco a narrow, critical glance that Draco found more
disturbing than he would have confusion or fear or anger. Harry was taking a
more detached view of him, and not seeing a way that Draco could fit into his
life. That was disheartening. �I can feed him, yes, and�and do other things
with him if I must, but that�s not a way of building anything.� He folded his
arms and gave a small nod, as if to say that he�d settled that argument.

�� There are
many ways,� Draco said, because he knew that Granger, from the expression on
her face and her scent, would start speaking in a moment, and she would
probably wander into philosophical mazes that he didn�t want to explore and
feel justified in staying there until the stars went out. �We have years to
figure that out, Harry. I�m immortal, and I can extend your life. Imagine
hundreds of years to do as you like, with no diminishment in strength or
health, and companionship with the one person who understands you best.�

�� Harry�s
shoulders tightened, as Granger sighed, clasped her hands, and looked envious.
�You don�t understand, Malfoy,� Harry said, the words so sharp and controlled
that they felt like pellets of hail hitting Draco�s skin. �I want to know now why I should do more than give you
my blood and occasionally share my magic. Yes, I�ll do that so that you can
survive and because it benefits me, too. But more than that? Living together?
Hunting together? Being�lovers?� He forced out the word, though his face was
red and his scent heavy enough to tell Draco what it cost him to do so. �I
think that�s what you want, isn�t it? But I see no way that we can really have that.�

�� If you
would let me tell you what I�ve
learned about the bond�� Granger said, in tones of injured dignity.

�� Is it more
than what�s contained in these books?� Draco had seen the books, sitting in a
pack at Harry�s feet. He floated forwards and pulled them out of the bag,
turning them over. Yes, there were all the ones he had lent to Harry, though
one of them had a weakened binding that he didn�t remember, as though it had
been hurled against a wall and hastily repaired. Draco fixed Harry with a stern
eye, and was delighted to see his blush deepen and his body shift defensively
onto his heels. Draco held them out so that they would come into range of
Granger�s lighted wand and she could read the titles. �These are volumes from
my family�s library. I assure you that they contain the most complete
information source I have ever found on vampires.�

�� Granger
gave a greedy sound, as though someone had offered her a whole cup of blood and
she wanted to swallow it all at the same time, and snatched two of the books
from Draco, cradling them against her chest. Draco heard a faint noise that he
doubted he would have picked up if he wasn�t a vampire, and glanced to the
side. Harry was watching Granger with her precious treasures, and his eyes were
wide and his smile relaxed. The flush had almost faded from his cheeks.

�� He needs more than me, Draco thought.
The realization stung, but much less than it would have a week ago. He was
willing to do anything for Harry, after all. He needs his friends, and he will revive and become more himself again
if he comes back into contact with them�which I can encourage him to do.

�� He stepped
up beside Harry. Immediately he earned a distrustful glance and a tightening of
Harry�s shoulders, but he couldn�t care about that, not when the realization
was flowing through him and he thought that he could do a good turn for his
Long-Desired. He laid one hand on Harry�s shoulder and reveled in the mortal
warmth of the skin and muscle under his fingers.

�� Harry,� he
whispered. �Will you promise me something? If you do, then I promise in turn
that I�ll stay away tomorrow night and not demand your blood then.� He tried
not to be distracted by the throbbing vein a few inches from his fangs. This
was one of the most important moments in his relationship with Harry, or at
least he hoped it would be.

�� Depends on
what the promise you demand is.� Harry�s voice was higher than normal, and he
shifted his shoulders back and forth as if he was thinking of the shower that
he would have to take when Draco let him go. �If you want me to torture an
innocent to death, then I won�t agree no matter what you offer me in return.�

�� Draco
stifled an impatient sigh. �No,� he said. �It�s not that. Will you go out to
dinner with your friends tomorrow? If you do, then I�ll stay away.� He thought
it important to repeat that until Harry understood and accepted it.

�� Harry
simply stared at him, so frozen that Draco might have thought he�d died if he
was mortal. But he was a vampire, and he could hear his Long-Desired�s heart
beating and his blood rushing. He closed his eyes and did his best to memorize
the sound, though it would never be the same as hearing it in the present. The
sound would comfort him when Harry was far away from him and Draco could not bridge
the gap with a simple leap.

�� You�re strange,� Harry whispered, shaking his
head. �I know that you don�t have a nest and that you�re focused on me, but
you�re still strange. The Collector didn�t care about hurting others or
encouraging Lucy to have friends. You�re acting as though you want that for
me.� He peered into Draco�s eyes as though he expected to see something there
that would make the mystery easier for him to understand.

�� I told you
that I would do everything for you,� Draco said. �That�s true even if you don�t
do anything but the basics for me, giving me blood.� He traced a finger over
the line of Harry�s scar, and Harry jerked his head backwards. Draco let his
hand fall, but didn�t take his intense gaze from Harry�s face. �Let me give you
this, an evening with your friends where you don�t have to be troubled with
me.�

�� Harry�s
neck muscles tightened, as though he imagined that would stop Draco from biting
through his throat if he wanted to. Then he reached out and grasped Draco�s chin,
tilting his head back and forth. Draco let it happen, and if he rolled his
eyes, it was inwardly, where Harry wouldn�t see. The air around them had turned
tight and trembling, and he doubted that he would so soon get another chance at
convincing Harry if he managed to screw this one up.

�� I don�t believe you,� Harry whispered harshly.
�There�s no way that you can care about me that much.�

�� Draco
opened his eyes very wide and let his gaze melt and flow as much as possible.
He doubted he could look innocent, since the crimson flecks had been circling
in his eyes since Harry had granted him free access to his blood, but Harry
would distrust innocence anyway. �Why not? You said once that vampires are
predators on humans, parasites and nothing more. If your blood tastes more
delicious than any other meal I�ve ever savored, why shouldn�t I care for you?�

�� But I
haven�t helped you,� Harry said. He reached up with his free hand and grabbed
Draco�s wrist, squeezing down. He made the bones grind, but Draco didn�t care
about that. He could heal them again. It was nothing compared to the fact that
his Long-Desired was touching him of his own free will. �I�ve dragged you along
on hunts and made you subordinate to my will on them. I�ve granted you my blood
extremely unwillingly. I haven�t saved your life. I haven�t been your friend
for decades. I haven�t done anything heroic in the years since Ginny�s died
that should make you like me.� His voice was rising, turning almost shrill.
Draco caught a glimpse of Granger watching them with her mouth open, and
wondered how long she had been doing that. She, too, was probably learning more
about Harry right now than she had ever thought she would do. �It�s impossible
that you can care for me.�

�� Draco
reached up, stroking the back of Harry�s neck, his collarbone, his hair, his
cheeks. So much warm skin, so flushed with life that had been yielded to Draco.
He was intoxicated with the thought of being able to guard and protect it, and
drink of it whenever he liked.

�� None of
that matters,� he said. �Someone can care for you when you haven�t acted like a
hero, Harry.� He paused, and then let the words that wanted to come ramble out
of his mouth, though he was uncertain of their truth. �That was one reason that
you buried yourself so far in the hunt after your Weasley�s death, wasn�t it?
Because you thought you had failed to be a hero by failing to prevent her
murder.� Harry flinched away, but Draco had more than enough strength and more
than enough of a good position to prevent him from escaping. �You forgot that
people can care for you for other reasons.�

�� Oh,
Harry,� Granger whispered, the books forgotten, moving forwards to put a hand
on his elbow. �I should have known.� Her voice became fierce, and too pressing.
Draco wanted to snap at her that she would scare Harry away from the revelation
he�d almost had, but he knew he would probably do more damage if he seemed
hostile to Harry�s friends, so, with an effort, he managed to remain still.
�Ginny died. It wasn�t your fault. Ron and I didn�t blame you for not preventing
it, and we don�t think you�re heroic because you kill vampires. If you
deliberately changed yourself to try and become more heroic, it was stupid and
useless.�

�� Harry�s
eyes slid shut, and he began to breathe with deep and deliberate puffs of
breath. Draco suspected he was trying to regain some sort of emotional
distance, so that he could hurl hurtful words at them.

�� Draco could
not let that happen.

�� He pushed
Granger away and leaned his head forwards until his fangs scraped against
Harry�s throat.

�� Harry
jolted and then shoved him back with one stiff arm. Draco let himself fall with
the blow, and recovered his feet a safe distance away. Harry stared at him, and
then at Granger, in the moment before his eyelids fell and he folded his arms
with a desperate attempt at casualness. Draco licked his lips. The sight made
him ache with a strange feeling that was most like the emptiness of hunger, but
he did not need blood immediately.

�� Listen,�
Harry said. �I don�t want to listen to either of you talk about Ginny. There�s
no reason for it. We�re here to
discuss what we should do about the bond. And how I can make up for using the
Dark Arts,� he added belatedly, with a look at Granger out of the corner of his
eye.

�� Granger and
Draco looked at each other in a moment of perfect understanding. Draco gave a
small shudder and sincerely hoped that he would never experience another of
those with any mortal except Harry. It was unpleasant, to know that a mind that
would die soon could race and keep up with his.

�� But, for
the moment, it served its purpose.

�� We must talk about Weasley,� Draco said.
�Otherwise, the changes you make will mostly be on the surface, and will last
only as long as your guilt about the Dark Arts ritual does. We need something
deeper, Harry. We both care for you, require your presence in our lives, and
wish you to change. That means that we must wrestle with the ghost of your
Weasley and lay her to rest at last.�

*

�� Harry
wanted to shove both Hermione and Malfoy away and escape into his house, or
across the moors, or into the mental realm of determination that he had used to
resist vampires� painful attacks in the past. Anywhere and to anything would
do, as long as he didn�t have to listen to the words that he was horribly
afraid they would launch at him.

�� They were
going to try to convince him that the last few years of his life had been a
waste. They were going to tell him that everything he had done since Ginny�s
death had been wrong.

�� That was
the one thing Harry could not bear. He had kept going because he had told
himself that he could make a difference, eliminating vampires who would prey on
humans and so preventing more deaths. If that wasn�t true, if he might as well
never have hunted at all, then there was no reason for him not to have lain
down and died the moment he had finished ensuring Ginny wouldn�t rise as a
vampire.

�� He did not
really want to die. But he had to have a driving purpose, and if someone took
that purpose away from him�

�� What was
left?

�� Neither of
you have the right to speak her name.� Harry knew his voice was too shrill. For
the moment, it would have to do. He fell back a pace and swept his eyes quickly
over them, seeing Hermione�s mouth open. He rushed on. �I�m the one who saw her
die, the one who made sure her death wasn�t tainted by undeath, and the one who
dedicated my life to avenging her after that. Neither of you can talk about her.�

�� Even me?�
Hermione asked with gentle insistence. �When she was my sister-in-law and my
best friend after you? Harry, that�s inhuman, to claim that her family doesn�t
have the right to talk about her.�

�� Harry dug
his fingers into his palms. It was all going wrong again, and this time, he had
no idea how to put it right. He couldn�t confess to Hermione because he had
already confessed to her and she didn�t seem to think his words were worth
anything, and he had no other Dark Arts books to offer up.

�� That�s not
what I meant,� he snapped. �You know it�s not what I meant, Hermione.�

�� How can I
know that?� She came a few steps closer, her eyes touched with a brightness
that Harry hoped didn�t mean she was about to cry. He would break if she did.
�I don�t know what you mean at all.�

�� Harry could
have held onto his composure if she had waited one moment more to speak, or
hadn�t said that last sentence. But he�d failed in explaining it to her, too.
Just like he failed at everything else. Just like there was no way for him to
succeed, because no matter what he did, everyone wailed at him that it was
wrong.

�� I wanted
to die after Ginny did!� he howled at Hermione, driving his fingers into his
palms until blood broke and dripped down. Malfoy watched it with greedy eyes.
Of course he did, Harry thought, and whirled away from his hot gaze to stare at
Hermione. �I wanted to fucking die,
do you understand that? And I hunted vampires so I wouldn�t commit suicide! And
now you want me to say that that was useless, and I was stupid, and a fool,
because it would have been better for me to die, it would have been better for
me to do anything than what I did, because, after all, everyone knows better
than I do how I should live my life��

�� He could feel
his magic rising and towering around him like a wave. In a moment, it would
head towards Hermione, not because Harry wanted it to, but because he was too
tired and too fucking sick of being pushed and pushed and pushed to restrain it any longer.

�� Strong arms
clenched around him, and Malfoy�s blood-scented voice whispered in his ear,
�It�s all right, Harry, it�s all right. I am here for you, and always will be.�
He reached out and�encircled the
magic that was trying to escape from Harry with power of his own. Harry, his
heart pounding wildly, his breath coming hoarse and strained, realized a moment
later that that must be the magic Malfoy had drunk from him last night. �I
won�t let you hurt your friends.� His voice changed then, to a snarl that Harry
wished he could have managed on his own. �Granger, get out of here.�

�� But we
haven�t talked about the bond yet��

�� Leave two
of the books.� Malfoy�s voice was soaring, the snarl infecting every word.
�Take the rest. Come back tomorrow night. Go now!� As he spoke the last word, Harry�s magic crashed against the
barrier that Malfoy had raised, and broke and fell back like the wave that
Harry had been visualizing. Harry covered his face with his hands and
shuddered.

�� Hermione
ran off. At least, Harry thought that was the meaning of the two quick thumps
that were probably books being dropped and then the sound of footsteps hurrying
away.

�� He stood
there, in the circle of Malfoy�s arms, feeling cool flesh pressed against his
own, smelling blood, trying desperately to regain control of himself.

�� It wouldn�t
come this time.

�� All the
mourning, all the rage, all the horror and hatred and hope that he could
somehow make things better while knowing that all the time he had been too late
and nothing would ever make it better welled to the front of his mind, and he
began to scream and sob at the same time, slamming his fists into Malfoy�s
chest.

�� Malfoy held
him, standing up to the attack in the way that only a vampire could have.
Malfoy stroked the back of his neck and crooned to him, in the way that only a
vampire who cared about him could have. Malfoy�s magic stood up to the way his
own radiated back and forth and buffeted them both, the way that only a vampire
who cared about him and had shared his magic by drinking his blood could have.
Harry stopped worrying that his power would destroy something or someone and
simply gave himself over to the ragged, hoarse shouts that ripped free from him
and the spurts of tears and the slam of his fists.

�� All the
while, Malfoy whispered to him, and when he could begin to listen to the words,
Harry thought he might even believe them.

�� Yes, this
is what you need. In the end, you will be all right. You never mourned her. Let
your tears fall. Remember her the way she was, and know that you won�t die now
because I won�t let that happen. I�ll give you whatever you want. I�ll give you
something to live for.�

�� Harry
clung, and screamed, and lashed out, and wept.

�� And, for
the first time in far too many nights, he did not care about the future, about
the hunts or who he would make die next, or who had died in the past.

�� The storm
of death swept through him, and settled him somewhere on the other side of it,
in perfect peace.

�� The last
thing he remembered was falling asleep on his feet to the sound of a soft
croon, and the utter assurance that Malfoy would not let him fall.

*

�� Dragon:
Thank you!

�� jenny:
Thank you! I hope you like them as much as this one.

�� Thrnbrooke:
Thank you!

�� mrequecky:
Thank you!

�� SP777:
Harry will try to move backwards at times. But, as you can see here, Malfoy and
Hermione aren�t going to let that happen.

�� The only
thing Draco told Hermione to do was not to try and prevent the relationship between
him and Harry. She�s free to do everything else.

�� Snivelly:
Thank you. I think it will move a bit faster now that one of Harry�s main
obstacles is removed and he knows that he can trust Draco not to mock him. But
it�s still going to take a while for him to come around to the idea of living
again.

�� Unfortunately,
Harry didn�t get to learn more about the bond in that particular meeting. But
he can do it better now that he can listen more easily to them talking about
Ginny.

�� Hope I
continue to surprise you.

�� JtheChosen1:
Thank you! In this case, she�s helped to bring Harry back to himself.
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The Long-Desired