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Linger	By : starstruck86 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 3932 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
25^th
December 1983

�You see I feel sad
when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile�� Can�t Smile Without You�

Severus
groaned as he came to in his bed. He felt as though someone had clapped him
round the head with something hard. But they hadn�t, he had just been
incredibly drunk the night before, all alone, sobbing, angry that it was four
days after their argument and Remus still hadn�t drummed up the gumption to
chase him yet.

�Uuuuurgh,� he blurted, as he forced himself upwards,
head falling down as he couldn�t support it.

But then he
realised that the house felt extremely warm. And it smelt unlike it normally
did. And, with a jolt of his stomach, he could hear soft noise from downstairs.
He threw back the duvet and shot out of bed, grabbing his wand in his
un-bandaged hand, not caring about his definite state of undress as he hurtled
down the stairs, wand pointed in front of him, even though his brain was still
snuggled up back in bed.

�Who�s
there, show yourself!� he shouted, nearly tripping off the bottom step in his
haste and having to steady himself with his still extremely painful right hand.

When a
figure appeared in the kitchen doorway, he dropped his wand and let out a cry
which was a mix of anguish and relief. Remus was standing looking rather sheepishly
at him.

�For
Merlin�s sake,� Severus leant back against the wall, panting slightly. �You bastard.�

�I intended
to wake you up a little more kindly,� Remus said quietly, walking closer to
him. �What did you do your hand, Sev?�

�Nothing,�
Severus stood up properly and squared his shoulders. �Now what the fuck are you
doing in my house, Remus?�

�It�s
Christmas,� he replied, as though that made everything obvious.

�And?� Severus raised his eyebrows.

�And I�
thought we should be together for Christmas,� Remus looked him straight in the
eyes.

�Well, I�m
happy to be alone,� Severus shook his head. �Get out.�

�Please,
Severus� it�s� I can�t bear not talking to you or seeing you.�

�Funny way
of showing it, it only took five days for you to show up,� Severus sneered.

�I didn�t
know if you wanted me to come� you didn�t come back or send word and I��

�I told you
to come and find me when you�d calmed down,� Severus replied pointedly. �And
you didn�t.�

A look of
guilt spread across the golden-brown eyes and Severus was satisfied, for the
most part, that Remus simply hadn�t understood that Severus had wanted to be
chased. And there you have your answer,
Severus.

He hoped he
managed to keep the realisation off his face as his heart seemed to shudder.

�I�ve put
dinner on and everything, don�t kick me out,� Remus pleaded, reaching a hand
out to place it on Severus� naked shoulder. �Let me stay.�

�You�re
cooking Christmas dinner?� Severus asked softly; Remus hadn�t been able to the
year before, because it bought back too many memories of Sirius.

�I am,�
Remus replied weightily, setting his own shoulders, barely even wincing at the
pain he was still feeling.

Oh God. I can�t kick him out now. Even if� �Fine. I�ll just go and get dressed.�

�So, what
happened with your job?� Severus asked, taking a sip of tea, having declined
the wine Remus offered him. He had slept until midday but the thought of more
alcohol made his stomach flip.

�Its fine,�
Remus shook his head with a look of incredulity as he chopped up some potatoes
manually. �Turns out Vi and Dave had had a huge fight
that morning and he took it out on me when I couldn�t stand up for myself. Vi went postal when she found out and that�s when she started
ringing me. Job�s fine, Dave grovelled a bit and we all went out for the staff
lunch yesterday just fine.�

�I�m glad,�
Severus meant it, too.

�Not more
than me,� Remus gave a small laugh and a sniff, he
seemed to be coming down with a cold. �I was so��

�I know,�
Severus finished for him, looking to where he was chopping. �You know there are
spells for that? They speed up the process.�

�Ah,� Remus
turned round with a raw potato half in his fingers, �But if you do that the
knife stabs you if you try to pinch any. Chopping them myself
means I can eat as many as I want!� He purposefully crunched into the vegetable
and Severus couldn�t help but laugh.

It made him
feel so warm, laughing with Remus, like a bed after a night of sleep. Remus�
old radio was playing softly in the background, tuned in to one of the Muggle
stations.

�Why�d you
bring your radio?� Severus asked, looking at him, surprised to find Remus
flushing.

�Well, even if you let me stay, I wasn�t sure you�d let me talk to you� and
that would have been no more than I deserved. So I bought the radio for
company. And they�re playing Christmas songs and it�s just nice.�

�The songs
are drivel, but I understand the sentiment,� Severus got to his feet and put
his mug in the sink, unable to stop himself smiling at the werewolf.

What IS it about him that does this
to me? He sets me on fire. Oh, God.

Remus
dropped the knife and took advantage of Severus� closeness to throw his arms
around him. Severus let himself be tugged.

�I�m
sorry,� Remus whispered. �I�m so sorry.�

Unable to
call the right words, Severus just shook his head and smiled slightly. He saw
relief flood Remus� face and was alarmed to see tears in his eyes. A flush of
ice replaced the warmth Severus had hitherto been experiencing, to be immediately
melted by heat again as Remus kissed him softly on the lips and rested their
foreheads together.

Talk to him now. But Severus melted into the position
as though he were born to it, and put his hands together forming a cage out of
his arms, the hands resting at the small of his back. �I missed you,� he
sighed.

Remus�
pressure grew stronger as he kissed Severus again, giving the distinct
impression that he might never release him again. �I missed you too. More than
I care to admit. Now, tell me what you did to your hand.�

Severus coloured
and gave a little groan as he pulled it round for Remus to see. �Got a bit�
angry after our fight� Was a bit cowardly, really, the kitchen wall never stood
a chance.�

Remus�
mouth fell open in surprise as he gently touched the bandage with his hands.
�Why are you still bandaged, it was a few days ago now?�

�Cuts and�
they might have said something about bruised tendons and cracks in some
knuckles.�

�Severus!�
Remus burst out. �You idiot.�

�I know,�
Severus wasn�t going to argue. It hurt like hell and it was entirely his own
fault for not having a better hold on his temper, which scared him. He wasn�t
the first Snape male to be punching the walls of the old house.

�And here I
thought you were the safer one of the two of us,� Remus shook his head and
stepped away to the hob, where he sent the panful of
potatoes onto the hob and filled it with water.

***

The sky was
finally growing dark when they sat down to dinner in the tiny kitchen. Much to
Severus� disgust Remus had turned the radio up whilst they ate and insisted on
wearing the cracker hats. He was positively scowling.

�You look
very fetching in a cowboy hat,� Remus grinned impishly as he set down the gravy
boat.

�If only I
also had the cowboy�s guns,� Severus gave an over-dramatic sigh. �That�d make
me look better.�

�God,�
Remus tilted his head back with laughter, his own hat nearly falling off, �No
sane man would give you a gun.�

�Well. At
least I don�t look startlingly at home in a sixteenth-century woman�s headdress!�
Severus said haughtily, glaring across the table, his hand loosely holding onto
his fork.

�How do you
know its sixteenth-century?� Remus frowned, reaching up to straighten it and
pose, batting his eyelashes.

�It said so
on the card,� Severus rolled his eyes and speared some turkey. �You missed
seeing it because you were too busy going gaga over the wizard strip poker
cards.�

�Yeah, I
should have mentioned that I found these in the back of a cupboard from a few
years ago. Sirius was never one for buying traditional Christmas items. He
didn�t really do traditional Christmases full stop�� He trailed off, realising
that Severus probably didn�t care.

�What do
you mean?� Severus asked around his mouthful of turkey, willing to make an
effort.

Nervously,
Remus continued. �Well� He said he hated the way it was always the same. That
when we were old and grey we could do traditional. So every year he�d try and
outdo himself. These came from Zonko�s, I think. And then our second Christmas when we had company� Sirius
thought it would be amusing to charm the turkey to sing Christmas carols� Except��
Remus paused as a grin curled up his lips at the memory. �It went a bit wrong.
When it came to carving it, the bird took umbrage and started chasing him
around the flat. And nobody could stop the charm.�

�So what
did you do?� Severus� brow was creased in an amused expression �the thought of
Sirius Black being hounded by poultry was shockingly amusing.

�Lily threw
herself on it,� Remus laughed, though he was nervous at how the mention of her
name would affect Severus, �She made Sirius pay for the dress she ruined in the
process, the turkey grease got everywhere and she squashed it pretty
thoroughly� needless to say we ate a vegetarian dinner.�

Severus
surprised them both by laughing around his food, shaking his head. �Sounds like
Lily.�

�She never
let him forget it,� Remus shook his head and took a mouthful of wine. �She put
a brilliant hex on all his underwear to put a pattern of turkeys over them.�

Severus
snorted. �Yuletide fun for all, then.�

�Except the
turkey,� Remus laughed again. �So� how is it? Am I an awful chef or a superb
one?�

�It�s
great,� Severus frowned at him. �Why do you even ask?�

�Just
checking,� Remus shook his head. �Luckily for you the gravy didn�t go tits up.
Ask any of them how awful my gravy can be and you�ll count your lucky stars.�

Severus
didn�t reply. He wouldn�t have asked them anyway, but the point was he couldn�t
because three were dead and one was in Azkaban. He swallowed and waited for Remus
to realise what he�d said.

Remus knew,
but he couldn�t muster the energy to be distraught over it. It had been two
years and yet they were all as alive in his head as though it were only
yesterday they�d departed after an Order meeting, arranging a drink before
Remus left to go undercover. But it was the past. And the last five days had
taught him that he needed to look to the future if he was going to keep his
head above the water.

�Can I ask
you something?� Remus asked quietly, and Severus looked up from his plate
suddenly, making the cowboy hat slip down over his eyes.

�That
depends what you want to ask,� Severus replied, hoping he didn�t sound too
wary. He pushed the hat back into place and looked at Remus expectantly.

�Why aren�t
you angrier at Sirius? You� he was apparently the person that caused� well.�

Severus
thought on that whilst picking with his fork at the meat on his plate. There
were worse things that Remus could have asked. �I am angry,� he sighed. �But�
you were here� and you were so distraught and you loved him so much that I
couldn�t show it. I didn�t want to hurt you any more, especially when at the
beginning you believed he was innocent.�

�But� he�s
the reason�� Remus was trying to organise his thoughts. �I mean. He�s the only
person it seems there is to blame.�

Oh Remus. How wrong can one person
be?

�I still
loathe him, Remus� and if he were to walk through the door right now I�d punch
him in the face before hexing him to kingdom come. As much as for what happened
before, to what he�s done to you in the last two years.�

Severus
could tell Remus wasn�t entirely happy with his explanation but he was going to
have to lump it. That was as close to breaking the �no questions� rule as he
was willing to get.

�Are you
ever going to tell me?� Remus asked softly.

�Do I need
to?� Severus shrugged.

�No. No you
don�t.�

�Then can I
ask you a question?�

�Anything,�
Remus took another sip.

�How can
you sit there and be so impassive about what you�ve guessed at?�

�I don�t
want to upset you,� Remus replied automatically. �That is where this
conversation is heading. Eat up,� he indicated to the food on the plates and
glued his eyes down on his gravy.

�Aaaargh for the love of�� Severus groaned as he tried for
the fifth time to scoop some peas onto his fork, but was having trouble eating
with his left hand.

Despite the
gravity of their most recent words, Remus couldn�t help a giggle.

***

Stuffed,
Remus let Severus set the washing up to be done magically. He was too full to
argue. They were retreating to the living room when Remus realised he�d
forgotten to turn the radio off, and raised his wand to do it magically before
he heard what it was playing.

�Oh�� he
was overcome with the sensation of memory.

�What?�
Severus appeared back in the hallway, looking at him.

�This song�� Remus blinked, listening to the words. �This was one of the first
songs I ever danced with Sirius to after we left Hogwarts.�

�Sirius let
you dance to this?� Severus couldn�t help it as his lip curled up into a
disbelieving smirk.

�I love
this song,� Remus scowled, and headed back to the kitchen to turn up the
volume, half to listen, half to annoy Severus.

�You have appalling taste in music,� Severus followed him in and stood
awkwardly before Remus� eyes landed on him and he had a premonition of what was
about to happen.

�NO!� He
breathed, as Remus grabbed him by the arm and he whirled around, trying to
escape. �No, I don�t dance, Remus� agh, get off me
you lunatic.�

Remus was
laughing and Severus groaned in frustration as strong arms hugged him from
behind and a face was pushed into his hair and neck.

And now you know I
can't smile without you.

I can't smile without you.

I can't laugh, and I can't sing,

I'm finding it hard to do anything�

The lyrics
floated out to the kitchen and Severus huffed. �You�re not going to bloody
sing, are you?� he shot over his shoulder.

�I can if
you want, with dramatic show girl kicks and jazz hands,� Remus laughed in his
ear.

�25^th
December 1983: The Christmas Severus Snape Went Mad.�

Remus was
laughing gaily in his ear, his grip tightening as he forcefully manoeuvred
Severus around in a circle to the sway of the song. As he began to hum Severus
gave up his struggle and stood limply, letting himself
be manhandled.

�I hope
this is making you happy,� he said acidly over his shoulder.

�And it doesn�t make you happy to dance with me?� Remus teased; Severus didn�t
have to see his face to know there was a smile as wide as the ocean on it.

�Not
particularly, not when dancing to this tosh,� Severus tried to be obtuse but he
was starting to cave and Remus knew it.

�Stop
resisting my charms,� Remus kissed the soft shell of the ear and buried his
nose deeper into the raven locks beside it.

�You have
about as much charm as the strip poker cards,� Severus told him, voice warming
even as he fought to stop it.

�Well then
I�m a bloody master, those cards are quite hard work to charm, you know.�

Now some people say,
happiness takes so very long to find.

Well, I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me�

Remus kissed
down the side of Severus� neck and smoothed a hand up beneath his jumper as
they revolved again.

�Is this
rubbish not over yet?� Severus whispered.

�Apparently
not,� Remus sank his hand into the wispy chest hair he found with his fingers.

Severus knew
what was going to happen.

�Oh gods, we�ve both been poisoned by this romantic drivel,� he breathed,
leaning back into the touch.

�Yup. And
now we�re going to make slow, sweet love, Severus.�

�Oh you�re
a walking bloody valentine, aren�t you?� Severus muttered softly, still unable
to inject any malice into his tone.

�And you
love that,� Remus used his hand to turn Severus� face back towards him, and
placed a kiss on his cheek.

�No I
don�t,� he protested feebly.

You see I feel sad
when you're sad

I feel glad when you're glad

If you only knew what I'm going through

I just can't smile�

The song
finally trailed off and they were left standing locked front to back in the
darkening kitchen as the DJ rattled off words that neither of them heard. Remus
flicked his wand and turned the radio off. They were in silence; the only
sounds were their breaths.

�I hate
what you do to me,� Severus informed Remus quietly. �I hate that I�m a man who
just stood and danced to Barry fucking
Manilow because of you Remus.�

Remus snorted
into his ear and whispered, �You love it because you love me.�

Severus. Here�s your exit.

But instead
of being brave, instead of opening his mouth, Severus turned to face Remus and
kissed him tenderly. He reached up with a hand and sunk into the ever-thinning
brown hair and pulled his head closer, sending his tongue deeper. Breathing
deeply through his nose, Remus reciprocated, bringing their bodies tightly
together so that they could play off the friction.

�You taste
so sweet,� Remus murmured, as Severus dropped his head back to reveal his
throat, which Remus instantly kissed down. �So sweet.�

�Mmmm,� was the only response Severus could give, he was so
caught up in the feeling.

He knew
this was a huge mistake on his behalf. He knew it was the wrong thing to do, to
feel so at home within those arms, to feel so utterly loved. But it�s not total love Severus. He�s
divided. And you need more than divided.

But as
Remus licked in a trail up his windpipe to cover Severus� mouth with his own
again, Severus couldn�t bear to focus on divided; on what he must inevitably do
if he wanted to save his heart.

�Let�s go
upstairs,� Remus breathed, his hands running riot over the thin torso in front
of him.

Severus
grunted his agreement and let Remus pull him by his good hand up the stairs and
into his bedroom, where his bed lay unmade.

Remus
instantly turned to him and tugged off the jumper he�d thrown on in his haste
to get dressed. Casting it on the floor, he continued to his jeans and they
were gone with indecent haste too.

�Oh� you
didn�t bother putting on underwear!� Remus laughed and Severus scowled whilst
he blushed.

�What was
the point?� He set his fingers to taking off all of Remus� clothes.

The point was, you idiot, that you
knew you�d give into this. It�s not fair on him, and it�s not fair on you.

But
Severus� train of thought was interrupted by Remus fondling his crotch and
making him hiss aloud, arching into the busy fingers, despite what his mind was
telling him.

�As I�ve
told you before,� Remus came closer with a smile. �Underwear doesn�t solve much
of a purpose��

��Except to
keep your balls from sticking to your leg,� Severus finished for him with a
small smile which was a paradox to his inner turmoil.

Remus
stopped groping him to frame Severus� face and kiss him again, before sinking
to his knees and taking the erection he�d forced to grow between his lips.

�Oh��
Severus closed his eyes and tilted his head back as the warm lips surrounded
him. �You don�t do this nearly often enough.�

His only
response was the addition of a tongue swirling over the tip of his cock,
sliding around the skin, licking at the taste. Swallowing, Severus looked down
and his breath hitched at the sight of Remus with his eyes closed, lips parted
around the swollen flesh, his own erection building slowly as he worked on
Severus.

�No don�t
stop,� Severus begged, but Remus� lips were already gone and a smile was rising
to greet him.

�Lay face
down on the bed,� Remus said softly and Severus complied as instantly as ever,

He rested
his head on his folded arms and waited to see what Remus was doing, but he
merely straddled the top of his backside and put his hands to the naked skin of
Severus� back. Then Severus felt gentle lips kissing at his spine and groaned
as the hands which rested on him rubbed slightly.

�I missed
you so much,� Remus told him, his voice so melodic he was almost crooning.
�I�ve not slept properly because it seems that I can�t sleep without you by my
side.�

Severus had
to bite down the information that he had been in exactly the same state.

Remus
sighed above him and leant down to properly place all of his weight on top of
Severus, placing his hands on his upper arms. �Severus, I really am sorry. If I could take back everything I said, I would.�

He kissed
into the dark hair, closing his eyes, and missed the look of complete torment
which Severus could barely keep off his face.

He sounds like he means it so much.
He sounds like he wants to love me� oh. Fuck.

He closed
his eyes to block out the telltale tears which were forming there and fought
down the lump in his throat. If this was going to be his last sexual foray with
Remus, he wanted to enjoy it, not sob over it.

Remus sat
up and lifted all pressure off of Severus. �Roll onto your back,� he commanded,
and Severus rolled, opening his eyes.

Neither of
them had put the lights on and the room was very nearly dark, spare the yellow
light spilling in from the lamp post outside. Severus was glad his face would
be partially hidden; he wasn�t sure what kind of grip, if any, he had on his
self control.

He heard an
uttered spell and then the unmistakable feel of his back passage being prepared
magically. �You�re so lazy,� he said without conviction.

�I know,�
Remus laughed. �But come on, I had my hand up the turkey�s backside earlier and
whilst I�ve washed my hands��

�Point takenAHHH!� Severus jerked upwards as the spell
bumped against his prostate, taking him by surprise.

�And I�ll be honest, I do love seeing you be like that,� Remus laughed. �You�re
all twitchy and sweet and breathy and� Severus, gripping my dick that tight
isn�t going to stop me talking. You�ll just turn me on and ohhhhhhhhh.�
The groan was full of delight.

Severus
stroked up and down a few times before releasing the erection, much to Remus�
disappointment. �No, you�re right. Didn�t have the desired effect,� Severus
sighed.

�Well
you�re stupid if you thought it would,� Remus directed his wand down at his
crotch and coated it with a silky layer of lubrication. �It doesn�t respond to much else other than your touch these days.�

Severus
ignored him and didn�t reply, trying to keep his breathing in check. Remus
positioned himself properly and Severus instantly moved his legs further apart
and lifted them up, slightly.

�Because
it�s Christmas I won�t bother you with romantic words about how beautiful the
view is,� Remus teased, trailing a finger along Severus� cock which twitched at
him.

�Thank
Merlin for that,� Severus breathed, eager, now he was laid so bare on the bed,
to be filled.

Remus
wasn�t one to make him wait, thankfully, and he was grateful as he felt the
intrusion�s burn and actually felt Remus� groan through his body. �So good�� he
whispered. �Five days was too long� too long�� his breath hitched up as he
settled further in.

Severus
reached to gently take a nipple between his fingers and rolled it, and he
tensed when Remus hissed.

�Relax,� Remus slid further in after Severus released his muscles again. �And
don�t stop doing that.�

All too
soon, Severus found himself full. Although he was
impatient, he loved the feel of being entered, even if it ached. He put his
hands on the scarred body on top of him and pulled the man down, so they lay
chest to chest, blinking at one another in the darkness.

�Kiss me,�
Remus breathed, and Severus did so, a slow, sloppy kiss which matched the
delicate, gentle thrusts Remus pressed into his body.

The kiss
and the thrusting lasted an unusual amount of time for two people who hadn�t
seen each other for five days, who were used to some kind of nightly
interaction. Severus had always been surprised that even right after the full
moon, Remus would still suck him off or touch him, or allow Severus to work on
him. Remus more than allowed it, he adored the times when every nerve in his
body was alive and everything felt so much better, so comforting.

They broke
apart for some air and Remus closed his eyes and picked up the pace a little,
sliding in and out in a slow rhythm, building up his force as he went. It
wasn�t the mad fuck they both knew they were capable of, that they both knew
they were prone to. It was what Remus had described in the kitchen �slow, and
sickeningly sweet.

Severus
knew his snide remarks would be missed sooner or later but he simply couldn�t
force them out of his mouth �they certainly weren�t even in his throat being
bitten down. He liked it too much to verbally defecate on it, and when Remus�
face was so intense he couldn�t bear to break the bubble.

�Oh gods
that�s amazing,� he gasped, as Remus changed his angle slightly and slid deeper
within him.

The reply
was a kiss and a groan. �Think you can time it so we get off together?�

They had
only managed that once in nearly two years of sleeping together. And it had
been by accident rather than planned.

�I�ll try,�
was the only commitment Severus could make.

Remus
shakily laughed and picked up the pace, pounding into the tight space in which
he was sheathed with renewed vigour, even though it still couldn�t be said he
was going mad. Just firm, hard thrusts, making each of them moan into the
other�s face.

�Right
there�.� Severus hissed, body turning rigid as Remus
hit into him twice, �Oh fuck yes. Harder!�

Remus
complied and reached down with his hand to wrap it around Severus� erection,
not that it needed much help. The sight and feel of Remus alone was nearly
always enough. Remus joked that made him the least low maintenance lover there
ever was. Severus had never had the inclination to care �nobody had ever made
him spill so easily before.

�I�m
already there,� Severus choked on the words, hating that this, the last time,
was going to be over so very, very quickly.

Remus felt
a tingling surge in his groin and jerked out of rhythm, �Me too,�

Against his
will, feeling utterly robbed, Severus screwed up his eyes so no tears could
escape. Remus� hand milked his shaft and he let go crying out the other man�s
name, feeling a burning rush in his arse which only meant that Remus had also come.

�Shit!�
Remus cried aloud, jerking completely randomly as his semen left his body in
great spurts which surprised him �it had only been five days.

Severus was
well aware he had begun to tremble and his dick was still leaking on his
stomach, over Remus� hand. He tugged Remus down with difficulty,
his hurt hand putting paid to the hope of an easy hiding place, and gasped at
the pain. But he was able to shove his face into Remus� neck and clutch him
tightly as they finished together, his contorted face completely masked by
Remus� flesh.

Oh God. That�s it. That�s the last
time. Oh fuck. Oh fuckfuckfuckfuck. No.

Denial
swept Severus up in a huge wave and he clutched Remus even more tightly, unable
to keep in a groan of despair. He hoped Remus was just interpreting it as his
reaction to the sex and their reunion, not the utter devastation at what he had
made up his mind to do, when he could find the bollocks to actually carry it
through.

�Sev you�re
half strangling me,� Remus said, completely normally, and Severus realised he
had been clinging on much longer than he thought. �Is everything okay?�

Severus
felt a gentle hand stroking his hair and he hoped he could hold it together. He
loosened his grip, but did not remove his face as he swallowed.

Say it. Say it now.

But Severus
couldn�t, so he merely whispered, �Everything�s fine,� and immediately hated
himself just a little bit more.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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Linger