Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Torn	By : starstruck86 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Ron Views: 3458 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Severus
stretched out at his desk and put his hands behind his head. One look at his
clock told him he was later leaving his desk than he�d ever been before. It was
the last official day of term for the Academy before they adjoined for
Christmas break. He could hear the strains of the departmental party from down
the corridor. He had, of course, been invited, but he had neglected the chance
to attend and hidden in his office.

Severus was
in absolutely no mood for partying. In the inside pocket of his over robe he
had Ron�s letter, beginning to look worn from the amount of times he�d read it
in a week. He was still denying the unconfined joy he�d felt when he�d left the
beach and read it alone in their cottage. He was so happy he�d even read it out
to George.

Of course,
he�d felt a million and one different emotions since that night a week ago
�from sorrow to anger, from anger to worry, from worry to hope, and around
again in a vicious circle. He was now sitting at his desk to prevent himself
from having to go home to an empty cottage for another forlorn night of a
rubbish dinner and a book he�d read a hundred times before. Two years out of
practice in being utterly lonely was causing him to go quite mad, he was sure.

He was
jerked from his reverie by a firm knock on his door. �Come in,� he called,
bringing his arms down.

A tall,
thin black young man stepped through the door and Severus surveyed him.

�Blaise,
it�s a bit late, isn�t it?� He asked. �Shouldn�t you be at the party?�

�I could say the same to you, Professor,� Blaise Zabini smiled at him easily.

Severus had
been pleasantly surprised to find him studying at the Academy as a third year
student, with another two to go in his studies. He liked to know his former
charges had done something with their lives.

�What can I
do for you?� Severus indicated the chair opposite his desk.

�I actually
wanted to ask you a favour,� Blaise said quietly, and dropped into the chair,
shifting the bag on his back so he could sit properly.

Severus
gave him a questioning look over steepled fingers. Ach, don�t do that. Albus did that. He
re-arranged his hands folded flat over one another on the desk.

�I need a
mentor for my thesis,� Blaise said. �And I was wondering if you would help me.�

�As much as
I�d be interested in doing so, I�m not actually paid to do that, I�m not sure
it would go down well. It says Professor Snape on the door, but have you
actually seen me teach anything other than the seminar groups?�

�But that�s where the real learning is,� Blaise said, and Severus wasn�t sure
if he was going mad or if he was just plain lonely, but he thought he caught a
glimpse of a flattering, flirting twinkle in the man�s dark eyes.

�Well, It
might rub noses the wrong way,� Severus said delicately. �What�s the nature of
the thesis?�

�I want to
play around with the Wolfsbane potion,� Blaise told
him boldly. �I want to try and improve it. And, I know you did research when
you were my age.�

�I suppose
I should have expected a blasted Academy student to have done their homework,�
Severus smiled. �I�m honoured you�d ask me to mentor you, Blaise, but really,
it�s not my place to accept. I think we�d need special permission and they�d
want to know why you�re not going to one of your full-time professors.�

�They wouldn�t just take that I like learning from you, then?� Blaise asked
hopefully.

He�s definitely flirting. Christ.

�Why don�t
you try Professor Morton? She has active research running on the Wolfsbane potion already. And she�s very nice to work
with.�

�Alas, mine
ears doth burn,� came a female voice from the doorway
and Severus looked up at the young woman there.

�If they�re
not, they should be. Come in,� he gestured. �Blaise here needs a tutor for his
thesis, and I think you�ll be of more help to him than I would.�

�Oh, really? Well, get me an abstract on my desk as soon as you�re ready and we�ll
talk long boring lines of thesis which will make you wish you�d taken the easy
route and gone to the Edinburgh Academy and have you crying nightly into your
chosen poison,� she gave teasing smile to Blaise, who got to his feet.

�Thank
you,� he said, and Severus wondered quite when Blaise�s
voice had become so silky and�molten. �But, Professor Snape, I did have
somewhat of an ulterior motive in asking you.�

�What?�
Severus was almost afraid of what was coming.

�I was wondering if you�d like to go for a drink some time?�

Asteria
Morton hid her laugh well, though Severus didn�t miss it.

�Blaise,
I�m married, but thank you.�

�Well, I
just heard the rumours and wondered if you�d like some company.�

�What rumours?� Severus frowned.

�About you
and your tragic break up,� Asteria threw in,
wandering up to his bookshelves. �It�s all over the department like flies to
the proverbial.�

�But I�ve
not had a tragic break up,� Severus
said indignantly. �Who said I did?�

�Well, Weasley�s not been with you for lunch in the
canteen for days now and you do look, if you don�t mind me saying so,
Professor, rather unwell. I think someone just put two and two together.�

�And resultantly got six instead of four,� Severus gave Blaise a wry smile.
�No, as far as I�m aware, my marriage is still very much intact, Blaise.�

�Well, you know where I am if he�s not what you� want
anymore,� Blaise left immediately following that statement and closed the door
behind him.

�So, is
that the first student to ask you out?� Asteria
quipped cheerfully.

�Apart from
the one I married, yes,� Severus smiled sadly.

�Are you going to stay married to him?� she asked airily, cocking her head
sideways to peer at a title of a book.

�I bloody
hope so,� Severus breathed. �Anyway. Why are you
here?�

�I came to find out why you�re not slobbering over the complimentary glazed ham
like the rest of us,� she looked over her shoulder at him and grinned.

�Not in
much of a mood for a party,� Severus admitted �there was no point keeping it
from the woman, she reminded him very much of Molly in her intuitive abilities.

She was in
her late twenties, young for a Professor. She had wavy blonde hair down her
back, a love of make-up, high heels and handbags and Severus was sure she starred
in many of her students� late night fantasies. She probably would have starred
in his own if he hadn�t been so turned off breasts of late thanks to Ron. As
well as looking lovely, she had a personality which had strangely endeared him
on his first day. A personality he would have loathed to have been forced to
work with at Hogwarts. There was a pang of wanting for his husband in his
stomach as he looked at her, and he felt annoyed at just how devoted he was to Ron that he couldn�t appreciate a good
looking woman anymore.

�You look
rough, you should go home,� she said pointedly. �Or I�m going to drag you down
the corridor and pour the best bottle I can find straight down your throat.�

�Getting
drunk won�t help,� Severus shook his head. �I�m going to go home in a bit� just
she on the wall,� he pointed to the portrait of a prim looking eighteenth
century lady behind him, �Is better company than an empty house.�

�Well,
that�s the first compliment you�ve ever paid me,� the woman said dryly and
sidled sideways out of her frame.

�Oh, that�s
just sodding fantastic,� Severus shook his head.

�Sure I can�t tempt you down to the party? We have cake.�

�Sadly for
you, my husband makes the best cake in the world. Anything else is inferior.�

�Damn, we
just keep falling at every turn,� she laughed, and walked to the door of his
office.

Out of nowhere
a tone blared and Severus watched her rummage in her pocket, and she pulled out
what looked like a muggle mobile phone. She held up a finger to Severus to
apologise. �Hey you. Yeah the party�s� hopping. As
hopping as you can get when you work with a bunch of stiffs who have all asked
me if Chanel No.5. is an obscure Potions ingredient. I
know. I know. But I can�t get out of this, unless, of course, you�d like to
break up with me and give me heartbreak as a reason to skulk in my office
miserably,� she shot a wicked grin at Severus. �I�ll meet you in the Gold Lion
in an hour. No, I won�t get waylaid. I will not! Can you bring my flats, my
feet are killing me. No, I did not wear these just to flirt with anyone. Nobody bloody here worth flirting with. They�re all old,
creaking, and the only bit of totty to turn up in the
last three years is gayer than a picnic basket.� Severus rolled his eyes at
her. �You�ll appreciate the look of my bloody legs in an hour, won�t you? Grrrrrrr. Right, fine. Love you,
see you soon.�

She clicked
a button on the phone and snapped it shut. �Sorry about that. He�s not very
good at understanding �this is a work thing and I have to be there or it will
ruin my chances of inter-departmental promotion�. He�s a muggle, see, hence the
phone.�

�I�m, ah,
what was it? �Totty?�� He raised an eyebrow at her.

�Look
closely at your colleagues,� Asteria advised him.
�Then you will see that between us, we�re singularly the hottest members of
staff since that poor old bloke set himself on fire in �44.�

She smiled.
�Go home, Severus.� The door clicked quietly shut behind her and Severus�
office felt very empty all of a sudden.

�She�s
right, you should go home,� the portrait said from behind him.

�Oh, back,
are we?� Severus turned in his magical swivel chair.

The woman
huffed and left her portrait again. �You�re a pain in my backside,� Severus
growled at the empty frame through gritted teeth.

He sank his
face into his hands and rubbed at his forehead. So the whole department thinks I�ve broken up with him.

Severus
wondered if they were really far wrong. Ron�s letter had told him that he was
going to give him some space for a week and then they could talk about it
calmly. It had also said that Ron loved him dearly. But it had been a long,
lonely seven days.

Suddenly
Severus felt very tired. He leant back in the swivel chair and closed his eyes.
Just a few moments and then I�ll go home.

***

Severus watched as Ron laughed and
pulled the swing back to him, raising the seat higher in the air. In the little
caged baby swing, a pretty little black-haired girl giggled with delight.

�You want to go higher?� Ron asked, his voice soft yet excited.

�High!� The little girl demanded,
and Ron complied.

�That�s as high as you�re going to
go when Dad�s watching over us,� Ron said angelically, and shot Severus a
playful grin.

He realised the swing and the little
girl shrieked with the delight as she arced forwards, closer to where Severus
was crouching with a camera between his hands. She waved a little fist at him.

�Rosie! Over here, look!� He called,
and snapped the shutter on the camera as the girl beamed at him.

Ron caught the swing on its
backwards trip and steadied it. �That�s enough swinging for you,� he lifted the
child out of the seat and cuddled her close. Severus straightened and walked
over to the pair.

�I think I got some good pictures.
She might actually have her eyes open and a smile on her face for this lot.�

�First time for everything,� Ron laughed and kissed Rosie on the forehead.

�I�m telling you her eyes are
getting bluer,� Severus squinted at his daughter. �Anyway, my turn for a cuddle
now, you take the camera for a bit.�

They swapped between them and
Severus felt an immense happiness spread through him as he held his daughter
close, and she nuzzled against his neck.

�Smile for the very loud and
obnoxiously expensive camera!� Ron trilled, and Severus turned his face so he
looked down at Rosie instead of at the camera.

�Pictures of her, not of me,� he
looked up when he knew Ron had lowered the camera.

�I want some pictures of you both,�
Ron rolled his eyes. �What�s the point of having a beautiful daughter and a
beautiful husband if I can�t have a picture of them both? Go and lay down on
the grass with her for a bit and let me get all arty. You know you want to.�

Severus groaned but didn�t really
protest as he sat down on the grass carefully with his daughter in his arms. He
laid back and lifted her vertical to his body and she giggled, her dark hair
framing her face as it fell forward. She kicked her legs out and laughed again.
Severus heard the camera snapping away nearby.

�I�m telling you this girl is headed straight for the Quidditch leagues,� Ron
called. �She has an obsession with being in the air.�

�No, she�s going to become a magical
scientist,� Severus said. �She likes making a mess creating things.�

�I�ll bet you she becomes something
totally different,� Ron grinned, and set the camera down before scooting up
close to Severus� side as he lowered Rosie to lie in a frog position on his
chest.

Ron rested a gentle hand on her back
and watched as his little girl�s eyes slowly slid shut and her face settled
peacefully. He smiled at her.

�You always get her off to sleep
quicker than I do,� he whispered in Severus� ear, pleased when he felt the
small shiver his breath evoked.

�Because you�re too excitable
yourself,� Severus whispered back. �But you know she falls asleep quicker on
both of us when she�s like this.�

�Mmm,� Ron removed the hand off his
daughter�s tiny back and placed it on Severus� stomach instead.

�I can�t believe she�s nearly two,�
Severus mused. �She�ll be on that train before we bloody know it, Ron.�

�And you can get all fatherly and
protective of her,� Ron grinned.

�And you can fuss and cry and get all motherly on her and plague her with
annoying owls she�ll be too excited by her new friends to be able to answer,�
Severus shot back.

�I thought we weren�t stereotyping our
roles?� Ron remembered, voice taking on a new airy tone.

�You started it,� Severus smiled,
but turned his head to Ron and placed a gentle, fleeting kiss on his lips.

�So is she what you imagined she�d
be?� Severus broke apart.

�Everything and more. And so are you for that matter.�

�Charmer,� Severus rolled his eyes but couldn�t fight down his smile.

�And you, Severus� is having
children as hideous as you thought it would be?�

�The nappies, and the potty training, and sweet Salazar the vomit� that�s worse
than I thought it would be. The rest is infinitely better.�

�So this is why I�m chief bum wiper, potty emptier and sick vanisher?�

�Well, yes, but you�re acting like I
never do it and that�s not true!�

�No, it�s not. You�re getting good
at holding your breath for long periods of time, I�ve noticed.�

�Just something else for the CV,�
Severus laughed, though not too hard �Rosie bounced enough on his chest as it
was.

�We should get her home, it�s nearly
her bedtime and she needs dinner and a bath.�

�And then I need dinner and a bath,�
Severus yawned.

�A dinner, bath, and something
else,� Ron said suggestively, allowing his hand to creep as low as Severus
would permit in the middle of a park with his daughter sprawled asleep on his
chest.

�Mmm,� Severus closed his eyes. �I�m
not going to deny that�d be lovely.�

�Thank God for silencing spells and
baby monitors, eh?� Ron laughed. �Otherwise you might never agree to fulfil
your marital duties��

�It would take more than a toddler
to keep me out of your trousers,� Severus shot dryly.

�And more me too,� Ron sat up.

Severus felt so content lying there,
the heat of his daughter�s body warming his chest, Ron by his side. He couldn�t
tell what, but it felt like a welcome reprieve from something.

�Severus?�
The voice was loud and Severus jumped where he sat slumped forward on the desk.

Oh God no. It was all a dream. My beautiful daughter and happy husband� all a buggering dream. He sat up, and could have wept to
have lost the moment of contentment, and his back ached from how he had slumped
forward.

�Severus, Christ, I thought something had happened to you,� the voice came
again, and he looked around for the speaker. He nearly fell off his chair when
he found him.

Ron walked
to the side of the desk and stared down at his husband with watering eyes. �I
thought you�d disappeared��

�What time
is it?� Severus rasped. �I only shut my eyes for a minute.�

�It�s midnight,� Ron said quietly. �I was waiting for you� at home, and when
you didn�t turn up I came looking for you. I had to break in to the
department,� he grimaced.

�What are
you doing here?� Severus asked sleepily, shaking his head, trying to wake up.

Ron licked
his lips nervously before biting on the bottom one. �Well, I said I�d give you
a week� and now it�s been a week� so��

Severus
stretched out his spine and pushed his arms out in front of him. He reached up
and smoothed his hair down, well aware that Ron was waiting for him to speak,
to say something, but Severus was using his sluggish awakening to buy himself time to think.

�Do you
want me to go?� Ron asked finally, voice hollow.

Standing
there, Ron felt more of an idiot than he had done all week. He thought the days
he�d spent apart from his husband when he�d been in Azkaban were bad enough,
but he now knew differently. Knowing that he had been the
cause of their separation hurt far more substantially than someone else being
it. Ron was tired, and knew he looked even paler and thinner than the
last time he and Severus had been together. His appetite had vanished once
again with Severus through the door of their cottage. With a swallow, he looked
down at his shoes.

Severus
looked at him, properly. Ron had obviously been suffering over the past week,
just as much as he had. They both had the same ashen look. The look of two
people who had gotten up every day and forced themselves on with the world,
washing, dressing, talking, working, but inside they were hurting.

�No,�
Severus reached out a hand and took Ron�s gently. �I don�t want you to go,
Ron.�

The hand he
was holding started to tremble. Severus pulled it closer, and Ron moved
silently across the carpet of his office, fighting the waves of nausea in his
stomach. Both of them were overwhelmed by the way the chain bond consumed them.

Ron�s eyes
fluttered shut and Severus heard him exhale in response to the waves pulsing
through the bond �it didn�t seem possible, but his face bleached an even whiter
shade of pale.

�It�s so
good to feel you again,� Ron couldn�t
help the way his voice choked with emotion.

Severus
didn�t answer that, but tugged Ron closer until the redhead had no choice but
to sink down into his lap, and he swung his legs up over the arm of the swivel
chair. Still wearing his robes, Severus picked up the edges of his outer robe
and wrapped Ron within it, thinking back to the New Year�s Eve party almost a
year before when that action in his vampire costume had made his husband shiver
with delight. His heart thrummed along with pleasure at finally having Ron back
in his arms.

He nosed
against the thick, waving red hair and inhaled the fruity scent which, for the
first time, he could determine an overriding scent from. He breathed inwards
again and let the sweet, slightly artificial peach perfume pervade his senses.

Ron simply
sat there and let Severus hold him and breathe. He wanted to do exactly the
same, to hold and to smell and to touch, but he would sit there and wait until
his husband was done. Ron was terrified of what he had to mend, that he didn�t
know where to begin mending, let alone how.

The bond
kept them well aware of how the other was feeling. Severus could feel nerves,
and regret, and sadness, but hope and devotion too. Ron could feel relief, and
happiness, but a darker side of wariness, and bitterness.

They were
still sat in silence and Severus knew Ron�s quiet wasn�t a way of trying to
worm out of the difficult situation they found themselves in, but a concession
to Severus. Ron knew him well enough to know that an outpouring of words wasn�t
going to fix anything, and that the bond between them spoke volumes where
mindless words did not. He also knew well enough that Severus would not take
kindly to grovelling.

So Severus
knew he had to speak first, and he didn�t mind doing so. Ron was respecting him
more by giving him the chance to express his own emotions first. Well, that and it�s a safety net. If you
tell him to fuck off now he�d know how hard he has to fight.

�Your hair
smells different,� Severus said quietly, inclining his head so it rested
against Ron�s own.

�Mm, I
didn�t have anything with me and have been using the twins� Wonder Witch
stuff.�

�They make hair shampoo these days?�

Ron gave a
small, ironic chuckle. �Well, the point of the shampoo is that it mutates into
what your beloved wants to smell.�

�They never
fail to astound me with their magical ability,� Severus smiled into the hair,
letting his eyes close.

�So, what
does it smell like?� Ron asked curiously, after a pause.

�Peaches,�
Severus sniffed again.

�Strange,�
Ron thought aloud.

�Why?�

�Because I
would have assumed it would be coconut for you.�

Severus
thought on that. He kissed Ron�s ear gently as he did so, and he was impressed
by the way Ron managed to keep still and wait for Severus to dictate their next
move.

�Come
here,� Severus dropped his hold on the robe and reached for Ron�s chin, and
gently guided it sideways so they were face to face.

Blue eyes
met black and Severus could see the apology written all over them. His heart
gave a thump and the bond flooded with anticipation from both sides, but he
couldn�t help the way he felt withdrawn, and somewhat unwilling.

Ron
simultaneously couldn�t help the way his heart seemed to sink when he sensed
it. The last week had been spent in a semi-catatonic state, functioning enough
to go to work, and speak when spoken to, but he had found himself lost in a
seven day long daydream which he returned to whenever possible. He had fallen
asleep to it, woken up to it, and spent every waking minute of the day he could
wrapped up in the comforting confines of his mind. He assumed that probably
made him somewhat mad, but it had been the only way to keep the fire from
consuming him.

But Ron
also knew he�d have been a fool to hope for more, for open arms and a kiss
which forgave everything. If their situations had been reversed, Ron wasn�t
sure how readily he himself would have forgiven. Although he wanted everything
to be back to normal, he wasn�t sure if it would ever be so. Or if he even
deserved to be treated with the same reverence and love as Severus had lavished
upon him before.

Severus
watched Ron falter and sighed inwardly. He knew it must be hard for him to
accept just how much damage he�d caused to their relationship, and Severus felt
sorry for him. Not too sorry, though.
Don�t be too forgiving, the sharp voice warned him.

But as Ron
finally shifted marginally closer, and their lips brushed together gently,
Severus acknowledged he had one hell of a battle coming for him if he planned
on listening to the voice in his head. The kiss was clumsy and weak, but yet it
made his body tingle, as though it had been missing some vital component
necessary for completion, and the kiss was that very end it desired.

Ron felt
differently to him, though, and Severus felt it through the bond � a gritty
acceptance, almost, of how far down the road travelled they�d have to re-walk. The
redhead pulled away from him, and turned his face back out to the room. Severus
wouldn�t have had to have been intelligent to figure out that there�d be tears
on the young man�s face.

Severus
swallowed and reached out to him in the only way he thought might help without
making himself look like a complete soft
touch. �Ron? Would you like your wedding ring back?�

The teary
face snapped round quickly and Severus felt sharp stings of relief course
through the bond.

�Yes,
please. If you want me to have it.�

�No, that�s
not what I asked. Do you want it
back?� Severus said more firmly.

Ron nodded
without hesitation. Severus pulled the ring off his finger where it had sat
above his own for a week and without ceremony pushed it back into place on his
husband�s hand.

They caught
each other�s gaze for a moment, before Ron looked away, obviously ashamed.

�Let�s go
home,� Severus whispered in his ear.

***

�You�ve
made some changes,� Ron leant against the kitchen work top, his arms folded
over his chest, not defensively, but as a means of holding himself together.

�Who would
have guessed shopping would make me feel better?� Severus threw him an amused
look, but it faded when he saw Ron bury away the response he would usually have
given, that he obviously wanted to give.

Oh God� he thinks he can�t be
himself, he can�t be normal.

�I like the
duvet and the new bed stuff,� Ron looked down the hallway to their bedroom;
he�d seen them as he�d changed when he entered the house. He�d looked at them whilst
he had a cry over whether he�d be welcome back in the bed.

�Yes. I got
sick of freezing my back end off without my usual heater,� Severus said
pointedly, looking at him. �I daresay now he�s back I�ll spend the night
cooking.�

Again came
the point where Ron should have smiled and made a joke, but he did not, and
Severus wondered just what Ron thought was expected of him. But Severus felt
the relief flicker through the bond that his husband felt at being told they�d
be sharing a bed again.

�I suppose
we should talk,� Severus rubbed his nose nervously.

�It�s late,
you should go to bed,� Ron stiffened. �You don�t look particularly well,
Severus.�

�No,� Severus moved close to him and pressed him back into the work top, taking
Ron�s face between gentle hands. �But then neither do you.�

�I suppose
that�s because we�re not,� Ron gave a small shrug; fighting the urge to close
his eyes and melt into the touch he had craved for days.

�No,�
Severus repeated, his tone even softer as he leant forward and kissed his
husband again, with a firmer stance than Ron had managed back in his office.
�But we should talk. I�ve already given you your ring back, so you know, I
hope, that I�m not going to cast you out or something like that?�

Ron
swallowed, �It�s hard to believe that, when I know I deserve it,� he said
simply.

�You don�t
deserve a second chance? After all of the chances you�ve poured on me?� Severus
let his fingers caress the fiery red tresses framing Ron�s face.

�You�ve
never hurt me like I hurt you,� Ron took in air as he said it, escalating his
voice to a wispy choke.

�Anyway, my
point was,� Severus looked at him. �I�ve already given you your ring back now,
and surrendered any claim I had on it. There was never any question on my behalf that we wouldn�t work through this.
I just didn�t know if you wanted to.�

When Ron
didn�t answer, Severus took him by the hand and led him into the living room
and guided him onto the sofa, before settling down next to him, closer than he
probably should have done.

Oh God. To hell
with being a pushover. I�m only a pushover if I let him walk all over me
when I don�t want to do he wants me to do. But I want him.

�How badly
did your dad shout at you?� Severus looked at him.

�Well� it
wasn�t so much shouting as a low, threatening tone which scared the batshit out of me. As he well knew it would,� Ron�s chest
seemed to relax and Severus saw him wince.

I�ll bet my left ball he is in agony
right now with his ribs. Hiding it well though.

�What did
he say?�

�A lot of
things which snapped me back to reality,� Ron said no more than that.

�I�m sorry
that I��

�No,� Ron overrode him. �No, you don�t apologise for doing something I�ve been
telling you to do for two years. And I�m sorry, for manipulating you.�

Severus
frowned at him in question.

�Somehow I
guess I figured you�d never ask anyone, never admit that I was too off the
rails for you to cope with. And I carried on because I supposed I�d get away
with it until I felt able enough to stop and that you� you would just let me
because you loved me. I�m sorry for not having more faith in you.�

�Thank you
for the apology,� Severus replied earnestly.

�I�m sorry
for being a selfish bastard,� Ron steeled himself for the apologies he knew had
to follow. �I�m sorry for blaming you for mum�s death. I�m sorry for,� the pain
in his ribs reached a new level and he cut off for a second. �I�m sorry for
insulting you and your genes,� he looked at the ceiling pointedly as rebellious
tears gathered in his eyes. �And I�m sorry for causing you so much hurt. I love
you and I treated you like shit. I�m so sorry.�

He had
meant it all to come out so much more eloquently, so much more grown up. He
felt like a child apologising for wrong-doing, and he meant the apologies so
sincerely he wanted to be able to show it, but human frailty was hindering him.

And then
another part of the speech he�d forgotten came to him. He was so annoyed with
himself �he�d had a week to prepare it and yet chunks seemed to have fallen out
of his brain since Severus had handed him back his wedding ring. �And thank
you� thank you for not giving up on me when I was being so�� the words left
him.

�Cantankerous, hideous, vile, sadistic?� Severus supplied some language in a
teasing voice, feeling reassured by the sincerity pouring through the bond like
water from a broken dam.

�Those
things and many more describing words for: total and utter prick,� Ron finally
succumbed and let his face contort with shame, and he hung his head to hide it
from view, hair providing an adequate shield.

Severus
didn�t move. He didn�t want to openly disagree with Ron�s assessment of his
actions, because he had spent the bitter parts of the last week agreeing with
the sentiment. But if he out rightly comforted him, and fulfilled his most basic
requirement �to assure Ron that it didn�t matter, then he ran himself into the
ground.

He could have been that way and
never seen it was wrong, never changed, and he did... Severus had an internal battle with
himself. But then it took his father
taking him to task to bring him out of it. He�s an adult for fuck�s sake.

Severus
looked at Ron next to him, still hiding beneath his messy hair and had never
seen him look more vulnerable and childlike.

Still an adult beneath the hair
though. He
swallowed. But, someone who was
essentially unwell and would never have said such
things to me if he had been in his normal frame of mind.

Biting his
lip, Severus thought on that. Ron had been through a lot for his young number
of years and everyone always commented just how mature he had been through it.
Severus himself had thought it, in those days at the hospital where everyone
else had looked at Ron pitifully, and he�d sat there and taken it all in his
stride. Of course there had been a wobble afterward, but much less of one than
there should have been. A thought crossed Severus� mind which had done so
several times in their short separation.

Sometimes something just breaks you.
And then you�ve got no idea what you�re doing. I know all about that. I just
didn�t have anybody to hurt when I went off the rails. He did. He does. Severus corrected his thoughts sternly. So if this was it� this was him breaking
down from everything�

His head
ached all of a sudden, and he was very tired. He was thinking thoughts which
required more brain power than he could afford them at half past one in the
morning. Why is it we always bloody end
up having these conversations at this time of the morning?!

�Come on,
let�s go to bed,� Severus said gently, and got to his feet. He held out his
hand to Ron.

Watery eyes
looked at it as though it might be a joke.

�We can�t
solve everything in a night,� Severus told him. �So let�s just go to sleep, and
talk in the morning.�

Ron
hesitated a moment further, before gripping the hand and standing up.

�We might
have a bit of a fight to get George to sleep somewhere else, though, he�s been
on the bed with me every night sleeping on your side,� Severus pushed open
their bedroom door.

�He�s in
the kitchen,� Ron said quietly, looking over his shoulder.

�How was he
when you came in?� Severus couldn�t help his curiosity.

�He looked at me and then ignored me,� Ron breathed, releasing Severus� hand
and watched as his husband began to undress.

Severus
felt him staring and determinedly did not colour under his gaze. He threw his
robes over the chair in the corner and got into the bed, He shifted down until
he was snuggled tightly beneath the duvet, still puffed and squishy in its
newness.

�Why white
sheets?� Ron asked, looking at the bed.

�I don�t
know,� Severus shrugged. �Just� nice to have a blank, peaceful canvas to sleep
in, I suppose. And it�s�� he trailed off.

�It�s
what?� Ron ran a hand over the luxurious cotton.

�Sort of
like clouds,� Severus looked at the ceiling to hide his awkwardness.

Ron just smiled
and said, �They�re nice.� He turned and walked back to the window, looking out.

�Aren�t you
going to get in?� Severus yawned, his tiredness becoming his primary focus.

Ron looked
back at him nervously. �Are you sure, Severus? Are you� really sure?�

�I�m sure
and I want to go sleep with you welded into my side, like normal, Ron. I just
want you back,� he breathed in response.

Still Ron
looked hesitant, but he at least pulled his jumper over his head. He folded it
up slowly and placed it on the chair where Severus had lobbed his clothes in a
hurry.

�Erm, I had a bit of an accident at work last week,� Ron�s
fingers faltered on the buttons of his shirt.

�What
happened?� Severus didn�t catch on quick enough why that meant Ron wouldn�t be
unbuttoning his top and getting into bed.

�This,� Ron
worked down the shirt and let it fall open, �Is why you should never drink
fizzy drinks around a potions station. And more to the point, why you should
never accidentally confuse your drink with the distilled water you�re meant to
be putting in the potion. Things explode. And burn.�

�Oh you
dopey sod,� Severus� was instantly fully awake again as his eyes took in the
healed burn stretching up the left hand side of Ron�s torso.

�You could
say that,� Ron let the shirt fall off his shoulders and started on his
trousers. Severus saw that the burn actually descended onto his hip as well.

�Christ
alive, how did you get them to let you out of hospital?�

�I didn�t
go to hospital,� Ron�s mouth twitched.

�WHAT?�
Severus heard himself erupt.

�I was in
an apothecary! They healed me there and I�ve been doing it myself ever since.
It doesn�t hurt any more,� Ron shrugged and stepped out of the jeans. He hopped
as he pulled off his socks.

He walked
to his side of the bed and once again hesitated. �You�re definitely sure,
right?�

�Why do you keep asking me that?� Severus was beginning to get infuriated.

�Because�
earlier, when I first saw this, my first thought was that you�d bought yourself
a blank canvas, one I hadn�t made a single mark on. And now� you let me in, I
mark the canvas and if that�s not what you really want��

�Stop being
fucking ridiculous and get in the bed,� Severus grabbed the duvet and yanked it
back for him.

Ron
shrugged and did as he asked, and sank down. �Oh that�s just� Mmm, heaven.�

�It is
rather pleasant,� Severus turned on his side and inspected the shiny burn at
close hand.

But there
was nothing he could complain about. The wound was clean and healed and a spurt
of warmth at his wrist reminded him of the healing nature of their bond. All he
could think of to say was, �This must have been agony.�

�I deserved
it,� Ron gave a small laugh. �For being so-�

But Severus
reached forward and grabbed him tightly by the chin. �Don�t ever say you
�deserve� pain in my presence again.�

Ron�s eyes
widened slightly but he knew better than to move away. He gave a small nod and
blushed.

Severus let
go and reached for his wand to extinguish the lights, which he did.

He and Ron
found themselves side by side in the dark, not touching, not speaking. Severus
wondered if either of them was even really breathing. All he wanted to do, all
he could think of doing, was pulling Ron on top of him and holding him into
sleep.

That�s too kind. Severus gave a growl inwardly at
his inner voice. I don�t give a fuck. All
the times he�s been too kind to me�

In one
swift movement, he grabbed Ron in his hands and rolled him over so he was lying
adjacently on top of him. They met in a gentle kiss.

�Here�s
something that�ll amuse you,� Severus smiled against his lips. �Someone made a
pass at me tonight.�

�Who?�
Ron whispered, letting his lips trail kisses down
Severus� left cheek.

�Blaise
Zabini,� Severus waited for the explosion, but it did not come.

�Severus��

�What?� He
frowned.

�You turned
him down, right?� Ron�s voice trembled with uncertainty.

Severus
could only give an exasperated groan of pent up sexual frustration as his
answer, and kissed Ron again.
- 6
- 7
- 8
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Torn