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Corybantes	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 9752 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; that belongs to J. K. Rowling. I am making no money from this fic.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
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Chapter Seven�Answers and
Asking

�� I�m not
going to eat you.�

�� Harry
thought making that statement, especially with a slight smile, would calm
Shadow down, but instead she only stared at him and then looked down at her wrists
again, tracing the faint lines between the scales with her finger. Harry sighed
and held out a cup of tea towards her. It was some time before she noticed it,
but when she did, she nodded jerkily and took it with a murmur of thanks.

�� Harry
stepped back from Shadow and sat down on the couch across the room. He would
let her have as much space as she needed to make her decisions. She had
multiple ones to make�whether to talk to him at all, and how much to tell him.
Harry was confident that she knew more than one thing about why Malfoy was
acting so strangely. Leon had said that she�d been with Malfoy since the
beginning. She must know a lot.

�� Maybe she even knows why Malfoy desires me
so much, when there�s no way that he can really know
who I am.

�� Harry
sipped his tea and waited. As he had thought would happen, the silence and the
lack of pressure began to loosen Shadow�s nerves. She took a deep breath and
picked up the cup of tea, cradling it as she stared into the depths, now and
then blowing across the surface. Harry waited for her to drink, but she didn�t.
Was the warmth enough comfort for her, he wondered, or was she afraid that he
had put Veritaserum in it?

�� I know
that I have to tell you,� Shadow said at last, lowly. �It�s a betrayal of myself and my principles if I don�t. But it�s a betrayal of
him if I do.� She looked up, her face anguished. Harry was surprised how easy
it was for him to read that from her, even with her gem eyes and strange teeth.

�� Harry
sighed slowly. He hadn�t expected this. Since Shadow had made an effort to tell
him whatever she had to say twice before, he had assumed she would speak without
hesitation when they were finally alone. But he reached out, because he had to,
and held a hand towards her in the air, since she was too far away to touch at
the moment. �You don�t have to speak if you don�t want to,� he said.

�� Yes, I do.�
Shadow bowed her head. �If it had always remained a secret, private between him
and me, there would be no reason to tell you. But I knew the moment I saw you
in Corybantes that it had gone too far.�

�� What went too far? But Harry doubted
that asking at the moment would do anything except make Shadow dither further.
So he waited. The tea felt thick and heavy in his mouth when he sipped it
again.

�� Shadow
spoke in a whisper that Harry could hardly distinguish from his own breathing
at first, but her voice swelled with power as she went on.

�� I know
that he used to wonder what it would be like to be your friend. When he went
through the trials that he did after the war, that was
one of a few fantasies he could feel any interest in. He clung to it. It
obsessed him more than was healthy. I knew that the first time he told me about
it, but I didn�t think much of it then. I was obsessed with changing my
appearance, too, and as long as neither of us hurt other people to get what we
wanted, who cared?�

�� Harry
nodded. He had plenty of sympathy for that view. His friends and Kingsley would
make noise about taking holidays, but Harry�s hard work solved cases and hurt
no one. He had no idea why they were so interested in seeing him travel to some
hotel and lie about doing nothing.

�� Shadow took
a deep breath. �He came up with the idea for Corybantes. He founded it. He made
it successful. It�s far more than what you think it is, you know,� she added
abruptly. �It involves people who want to recover from wounds, and people who
want to learn to know themselves, and people who want an encouraging
environment because they�ve been abused all their lives. There�s more than one
entrance. There�s more than one kind of fantasy room. Some of them are used
exclusively to allow people to face their demons and their fears. It�s�a loving
environment.�

�� But that�s
not the one I was invited into,� Harry said. �Malfoy invited me into the one
that involves sex and darkness. Why?�

�� Shadow
stared at him. �Because Keatson died
there.�

�� I don�t
think,� Harry said carefully, clenching his hand around his teacup and doing
his best not to crack it, �that that�s the only reason.� He waited some
moments, and Shadow kept up the steady stare. Harry grew tired of this, and
added sharply, �Is it?�

�� Shadow
jumped and flinched. Harry clenched his teeth and took a slow, steady breath. I can get answers without hurting people,
without frightening them. I know I can. I just have to remember that those
answers might not come as quickly as I would like.

�� No,�
Shadow whispered at last. �His fantasies changed, as he watched you through the
newspapers and saw how busy you were. I think he expected at first that you
would slow down someday�have the children and the wife and the perfect family
life that your parents had and that everyone agreed you wanted. But as time
passed and that didn�t happen, he started talking more often about how hard you
worked and how it wasn�t right that you were all alone. �I could help him,
Shadow,� he said more than once. �Who knows more about getting people to relax
than I do?��

�� Harry bared
his teeth. �So that�s what you wanted to tell me? That he wants to have sex
with me? He implied as much himself, so I�m not sure why he made you keep it
secret.�

�� He doesn�t
want to just have sex with you,� Shadow said. �He would have made himself a
false Harry Potter and fucked him if that was all he wanted.� She leaned forwards.
�He wants to ease your loneliness. He wants to teach you how to enjoy yourself
and live a normal life, things he thinks you�ve forgotten. He wants to fulfill
your fantasies. He wants to do for you what he wants to do for every client of
Corybantes, but with a passionate, devouring desire that is eating him alive
from the inside.�

�� Harry found
himself relaxing instead of tensing, which was the last thing he had expected
given Shadow�s news. He understood, though.
Malfoy needed rescuing. Maybe it was from the pleasures he�d let swallow him
instead of from criminals, but that didn�t matter. Harry could act now in good
conscience. He wasn�t hurting Malfoy and opposing something he wanted; he was
ultimately going to help him.

�� You know
that he can�t really have what he wants,� he said. �He doesn�t know me. He
doesn�t have the slightest idea of what I might require of him, and that means
that he could condemn himself or do something genuinely repugnant to his
principles just because I might demand the impossible.�

�� Shadow�s
hand reached towards him, her fingers trembling. �Haven�t you paid attention to
what I said?� she demanded. �That doesn�t matter
to him. He knows enough about you to think that you would never ask for
anything repugnant. He wants to give you pleasure no matter what. The harder
you are to please, the more he would like it.�

�� But that�s
mad,� Harry said, baffled once again at the enigma that appeared to be Draco
Malfoy.

�� Shadow�s
hand dropped as though someone had cut it off, and she nodded, her eyes
fluttering with what looked like exhaustion. �Yes. Now you understand.�

�� So he is
mad then?� Harry considered the way Malfoy�s eyes had flashed when he made some
of his statements, or the pleasure he seemed to take in holding information
back from Harry. Harry never would have suspected the existence of the
star-globe with Keatson�s fantasies embedded in it if
Malfoy hadn�t told him about it. Harry wondered if someone could be sane in
some circumstances and mad in others.

�� Not exactly,� Shadow said. �No more than I
was when I longed to change my body and had no hopes of magic that would let me
do it. No more than he was when he desired your friendship and thought he would
never win it.� She paused, then added, �No more than
you are when you investigate crimes and desire to solve them.�

�� Harry stared
at her, baffled. �Being an Auror is hard work, not an indulgence,� he said.

�� I wonder,�
Shadow said, and gave him what Harry decided was supposed to be a wise look,
though he had no idea why she had decided that he would fall for it.

�� So you�re
worried about what Malfoy might do to fulfill these fantasies of his,� Harry
said. �I can understand that. And Malfoy prevented you from telling me this�why?
Did he simply want the telling under his control?� It would explain why Malfoy
had revealed his fantasies almost casually and in private.

�� Shadow shut
her eyes. Her voice had descended into a whisper again, and Harry wondered if
she was trying to protect her employer even now. �I�m worried about what he
might do, yes. I�m worried about what he might have already done.�

�� You�re
worried that he killed Keatson,� Harry said flatly. �Why?
To lure me into the club? Could he be that
short-sighted? He has to know that there�s no way I would ever agree to fulfill
the fantasies of a murderer, and he couldn�t think that becoming one more criminal
would mean anything special to me, when I�ve arrested so many of them.�

�� His breath was
coming short, he realized, and his eyes hurt as though he had rubbed sand in
them. He didn�t want Malfoy to be a
murderer. The parts of him that made sense to Harry�the courage with which he
had fought against his reputation after the war and chosen his job, for example�resonated
with Harry, who had become an ordinary Auror instead of the Head Auror or the
Quidditch player or the stay-at-home husband or the public speaker that so many
people had thought he would.

�� I don�t
think he killed him,� Shadow said at once, too quickly. Or was it? Harry was so
occupied with his own reactions that he knew he wasn�t judging hers as clearly
as he would like.

�� That�s been the problem from the start of
this case. I�m occupied with what I�m doing, thinking, saying, when I should be
thinking about what the potential suspects are doing, thinking, saying.

�� At least the
realization let him shake off his intense hopes and say, calmly, �Why is that?
Did he have an alibi?�

�� Shadow
nodded. �He spent that evening with me and Leon. Both of us will vouch for him.
Both of us would be willing to swear to the truth under Veritaserum,� she
added, as if she had known the next question Harry would ask. �During the time Keatson must have died�sometime between nine and eleven�Lord
Malfoy was with us, organizing the business of the club and discussing whether
we should grant the petition of a woman with self-destructive fantasies to come
to Corybantes.�

�� Harry
cocked his head. �I don�t understand. If Malfoy didn�t commit murder, what is
it that you fear he might do to gain my attention?�

�� Destroy
himself,� Shadow said. �Neglect his duties and let the club fail as a business,
which he could never forgive himself for�once he noticed it.� She hesitated,
and a small, bitter smile crossed her mouth. �Expose his most vulnerable
thoughts and feelings to someone who cares nothing for them, or him.�

�� Harry
blinked and then stared hard at her. �Now that I know there�s actually some
risk of that, I�m going to take care of him,� he said. �Not try to destroy him.
Not try to hurt him. I know a few people who do professional work with people
who wrap them up in fantasies. Mind-Healers who are private and discreet and
who�ve helped me out of more than one problem and have my permission to talk
about those situations to Malfoy if you think that would help.�

�� Shadow was
silent for some moments. Then she said, �I fear that your trying to help him
would be more likely to destroy him than your ignoring his advances.�

�� Why, for God�s sake?� Harry flung
himself to his feet and turned away to pace the room. He knew that he shouldn�t
be letting Shadow have this effect on him, but he couldn�t help himself. No
matter what he did, it seemed that people blamed him for not doing enough.

�� Not relaxing enough, not solving the case
fast enough, not being sympathetic enough to Malfoy, he thought, pausing to
run his fingers along the bricks above the hearth. Their roughness soothed him in
a way that touching something soft wouldn�t have. I can�t please them with ordinary efforts, but I try to do something
extraordinary and then I have my friends and Kingsley�and now Malfoy�screaming at
me about taking it easy. I don�t understand.

�� Because
you are approaching this the way you would approach anyone else who needed your
help,� Shadow said. She stood up and moved to his side, which was so unexpected
that Harry blinked and focused on her instead of the problems that crowded his
head and which he dearly would have liked to think about. Shadow reached out
and took his wrist in her hand, moving her fingers slowly across his skin. �And
he wants special consideration from you. He wants to be unique in your life.�

�� What
exactly what you suggest I do, then?� Harry snapped.

�� I don�t
know.�

�� Harry gave
her a small smile. �At least that�s more honest than I could expect from a lot
of people.�

�� Shadow
watched him with those gleaming, unchanging eyes and didn�t respond. Harry
turned away from her and spent a few minutes pondering the lines in the wall.
He had been in situations like this before, and he knew the first thing to get rid
of was the crowding feeling of panic that was only closing in on him because he
didn�t have all the answers right away. He had time to make things right. It
wasn�t as though Malfoy was about to charge off a cliff this moment, especially
because he had put his desires out there and Harry had rejected them.

�� Harry
closed his eyes and immersed himself in the considerations of what had to be
done. He had to find Keatson�s murderer or prove
suicide and close the case, of course. He had to show some kind of proof to Kingsley
and the customers of Corybantes that would satisfy them. He had to keep Malfoy
from destroying himself because he had built up this precarious fantasy world
where Harry was his�

�� What? Harry
shook his head. Master, or friend, or puppet, it really didn�t matter, because Shadow
seemed to think that any conclusion he came to could be dangerous enough to
wound Malfoy mortally.

�� Would you
agree to submit to questioning under Veritaserum?� Harry asked, opening his
eyes and turning back towards Shadow. �And what about Leon?
There are certain questions I need to ask so that I can rule out possibilities about
Keatson�s death, and even though I might trust what
you�re telling me, my superiors won�t without proof.�

�� Shadow
said, �It would depend on how you would use that information. If it was against
Lord Malfoy, then��

�� If he
committed the murder,� Harry said, with the quietest but most forceful tone he
could use, �then he should be in St. Mungo�s.�

�� Shadow
glanced sideways at him.

�� From the
way you describe him, he does sound mad,� Harry continued, gaining confidence.
He couldn�t believe that he hadn�t thought of this solution before now. Malfoy
committing the murder wasn�t the end of the world, because there was a large
chance that it wasn�t his fault. He had probably been pushed towards madness by
his unfulfilled desire for Harry, in the way that Shadow had hinted, and that
meant it was Harry�s duty to cure him. �I wouldn�t arrest him for something
like that. I would make sure that he got the treatment he needed.�

�� Shadow
watched him in silence for some time, then gave a slow
nod. �Yes. All right. But Leon and I, even under
Veritaserum, will only tell you the same things I have already told you. We
were both with Lord Malfoy all evening, and he did not commit the murder.�

�� It�s more
for my superiors than anything else,� Harry assured her again, finding room on
his face for a smile. �They won�t believe you without the evidence. I�m willing
to.�

�� Shadow nodded
again. �All right.�

*

�� Kingsley
frowned. �I don�t see how this testimony implicates Malfoy,� he said, studying
the Pensieve memories of the conversation with Shadow that Harry had placed in
front of him. �All it means if she�s telling the truth is that Malfoy didn�t commit the murder, and that doesn�t
tell us who did.�

�� It frees
me from a suspicion that�s been distracting me,� Harry said frankly, gathering
the Pensieve memory so that it would coil back into his head. �And that means
that I can pursue my course with a clear conscience.�

�� Of course,�
Kingsley said. Then he leaned back in his chair and watched Harry with that thoughtful
air that meant he was going to say something more, something else. Harry sat on
the edge of his seat and waited. He was good at looking both alert and patient,
so that it wouldn�t seem as though he was pushing Kingsley to reveal the
information before he was ready.

�� I�ve come
to some conclusions that I didn�t want to come to,� Kingsley began, �having watched
you perform on this case.�

�� Sir?� Harry asked uneasily. He wondered if Kingsley had
extra reasons to be suspicious of Malfoy, or of Shadow
for that matter, that he had managed to pick up from Harry�s reports but which
Harry had ignored.

�� You�re
losing control of your emotions,� Kingsley said, with that devastating
gentleness that he used when he had told Harry that all the other Aurors were
refusing to partner him. �You�re getting too personally involved in this case.
I think it would be better to pull you off it.�

�� Harry
lowered his eyes to the floor. He hadn�t been pulled off a case since he
started working alone. He was the miracle Auror, the one the Ministry called in
when all the others had gone wrong or were likely to
run into trouble. For him to fail now would probably be the beginning of the
end. Kingsley would be asking him to retire soon.

�� But if he
acted angry or upset about it, Kingsley would only use that as more evidence
that of course he was doing the right
thing. Instead, Harry held his breath for a moment and then asked calmly, �What
makes you think I�m losing my head, sir? I can feel sorry for the victim and
yet not be personally involved.�

�� It�s not
the victim I�m worried about,� Kingsley said. �I�m perfectly satisfied that you�re
preserving the proper distance from Keatson and not
letting your sympathy for his family overwhelm you.
Malfoy is the problem, Harry. And I think you know it, so I�ll ask you not to
play stupid with me.�

�� Harry
stared up at Kingsley. His face was set in harsh, uncompromising lines. Harry
licked his lips. Most of the time, he didn�t try to change Kingsley�s mind. He
either agreed with him and stopped whatever he was doing that had caused
Kingsley to disapprove, or he acted on his own and found evidence so convincing
that Kingsley had to agree with him.

�� This time,
though, Harry knew of no way to conceal his participation in the case at
Corybantes. He had no reason to go there for his own pleasure, and no friends
who worked in the club that he could contact under the pretense of associating
with them rather than investigating.

�� May I ask
why, sir?� he repeated, when enough time had passed that he didn�t think the
repetition would annoy Kingsley.

�� Kingsley
leaned forwards. He was rubbing his right thumb along the back of his left
hand, and his voice and eyes were soft and kind.

�� How long
has it been since you looked in the mirror, Harry?� he asked.

�� Yesterday after I got out of the shower, sir.� Harry
frowned. Usually he knew where Kingsley�s metaphors or comparisons were going,
but not this time.

�� Kingsley
stood up and came around the desk. Harry rose to his feet. He should have been
perfectly at ease sitting down while Kingsley stood over him, but not this
time.

�� Kingsley
reached out and shook his shoulder. �I�ve watched you turn into a brilliant
Auror these last few years,� he said. �You�re driven. You�re intelligent. You
can obey the rules when you want, and work within them, and yet arrest the
criminals who most need arresting. And you had professionalism I honestly never
thought you capable of when you were still an adolescent and I was watching you
in action.�

�� All of
those sound like reasons for keeping me on the case, not taking me away,� Harry
had to say.

�� Kingsley
pinched a furrow of skin on his forehead with his free hand, but never took the
other from Harry�s shoulder. �It�s gone too far,� he said. �You�ve transformed
yourself until I don�t think that any of that adolescent is left. There should
be something left, Harry. I
appreciate your brilliance, but you need to relax once in a while. I�m putting
you on holiday, starting today. I knew at some point your composure would start
to crack and you would need that holiday, but I put it off and put it off,
telling myself we could use your help on just one more case and I�d send you
home with orders to rest after that. It didn�t happen, of course. Things you
put off that long almost never do. So I�m making sure it happens now. Go home.
Relax. Buy a Muggle telly and watch it. Take your
godson shopping. Do whatever you need to make yourself a functioning human
being again.�

�� Harry shut
his eyes, arranged his teeth in a straight line, and took a breath that made
him feel as if his ears would burst. Then he said, �How long should I keep away
from work, sir?�

�� Six weeks,�
Kingsley said.

�� Harry�s
eyes flew open, and he started to repeat the words incredulously, but Kingsley
continued as if he had anticipated no interruption, �I�ll make sure the leave
is paid, of course. For all the work you�ve done, I could do no less.�

�� But I�m
not�� Harry started. Kingsley�s implacable face stopped him. He stretched his
hand out imploringly. �Sir, without the job I�m not anything. Give me a few more days, and I�m sure that I can find the
murderer.�

�� It has
nothing to do with your not finding the murderer so far,� Kingsley said. �It
has to do with me wanting to save your life and sanity. If you�d listened to
the words you spoke just now, you�d know that. Go home.�

�� But��

�� Harry.�

�� It was impossible
to argue with that voice, but Harry still tried an appealing look that
foundered on the rock of Kingsley�s mild, steady stare back. Harry turned and
marched out of the office, his cloak whipping behind him.

�� He even
managed to stride calmly out of the Ministry, looking all the while as if he
had somewhere important to go.

�� He waited
until he had Apparated home to put his head in his hands and have a fit of the
tremors.

�� What the fuck am I
supposed to do, if I�m not working on a case? Kingsley thinks he�s saving my
life, but what is my life apart from my work? He�s letting his concern for me
override the case that needs to be solved, and in the end, that�s what will
harm both me and the case.

�� And how the fuck am
I supposed to help Malfoy now?

*

�� polka dot: I wouldn�t say that Harry is in love.

�� MewMew2:
Thank you!

�� Alliandre: Something like that. Only Harry�s fantasies are
actually milder. It�s the idea of losing his control at all that frightens and
disgusts him.

�� arealdeal: Thank you!

�� SP777:
Shadow does think that Draco is potentially insane, but insane in the way of
obsession, not in the way of clinical madness or Neville�s parents.

�� And no
doubt a dog is around somewhere.

�� callistianstar: Thank you! Harry�s feeling of suffocation
is one reason he stayed away from the club in this chapter. Of course, now he�s
feeling more trapped than ever�
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Corybantes