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Kinder, Kindler, Kindlier	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 24796 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I am not making any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Kinder, Kindler, Kindlier
- 2-Chapter 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 6-Part 6
- 7-Part 7
- 8-Part 8
- 9-Part 9
- 10-Part 10
- 11-Part 10
- 12-Part 12
- 6
- 7
- 8
�� Severus had
always had a sense of himself, a perception like that of space or gravity, that
kept him firm and still even when the world around him had decided to spin. He
had clung to that sense that some things
were sane when he spied on the Dark Lord for Dumbledore, when Dumbledore used
his guilt over Lily�s death to command him into risky actions, when he had been
protecting a young, arrogant boy who had no reason to care whether Severus
lived or died.

�� That
perception of himself meant that certain things were true. He lived alone. He
brewed potions. He had to deal with heavy burdens, among them guilt, that he
could never share with anyone else. He had no friends, few people who cared for
him in any way other than as their Head of House or an obstacle to be overcome.
He dwelt in his own mind, and he found so much space and food there that it
seemed a shame ever to leave it.

�� But now
that perception had received a severe shaking. When both Draco and Harry had come to the shop that morning
and told him this mad plan of buying a house together, he had to sit still and
think about what it meant, that he would be living with other people.

�� And not
just anyone else. His lovers. Both younger than he was, both male, both
considerably more famous and elevated in their own ways than he was.

�� He did not
fear that, not exactly. He had outworn fear when he lay, supposedly dying, of a
bite from Nagini, and everything that might have frightened him after that was
more an inconvenience than anything else. But he did wonder how much they would
make him lose his sense of himself if they all lived together.

�� Severus
opened his mouth to refuse.�

�� Then Harry, as he seemed to insist on being
called, leaned forwards and stared up at him with those appealing green eyes,
and Severus found the words drifting away from him, lost.

�� And then he
began to remember other changes, other holes, in that invincible perception of
himself, that had already occurred. He had shared those heavy burdens of guilt
and Lily�s memory with Harry already. And Harry had not mocked him, had tried
to thank him, and had backed away when Severus made it clear that he did not
want to be thanked.

�� One change
could perhaps give him the courage to make others. And this was less painful,
altogether, than dealing with Dumbledore, about whom five years had not given
enough time for Severus�s feelings to settle.

�� Please,�
Harry breathed. �That�s the only way I can think of for us all to be together
enough to make a real go of this. And I want
to make a real go of this.� He flushed, and his cheeks were brilliant.
�There�s no�I mean, I understand if you want to refuse. But Draco and I both
want this.�

�� And you
think that should be enough reason for me to do so?� Severus sneered and
finally found himself able to turn away from Harry�s eyes, at least enough to
lift the glass of water that stood beside him and which he had not so much as
sipped from.

�� It�s more
than that,� Draco said, his arrogant, easy manner giving Severus the antidote
he needed right now for too much of Harry�s earnestness. �There�s a reason I
never tried to stay with more than one person for a large amount of time. It�s
too volatile. It changes. I don�t think we should try to live with two of us in
one house and one in another. That�s prone to too much jealousy and charges of
special treatment.�

�� Harry
snorted, and Severus suspected that idea had not come from Draco at first. But
Harry nodded in confirmation and support.

�� I think we
would feel more comfortable if we tried to live together, instead of leaving
anybody out,� he said.

�� Or you
would feel more comfortable, at least,� Severus said, in the most vicious drawl
he could manage. Part of him was inclined to curse himself even as he spoke,
but another part, one that understood better the weaknesses and flaws in his
temper, knew this was necessary. His partners could not run from him every time
he said something they didn�t like. �It would be a balm for your conscience.�

�� Harry
flushed and opened his mouth to retort, but it was Draco who got there first,
his voice slicing in like a flooded river that suddenly cut between two people
who had been trying to hurt each other.

�� It�s the sensible thing,� he said. �We would have
a greater amount of privacy. I need a home since I�ve left the Manor, and you
could use more space. And just think of it.� He leaned forwards, and Severus
found himself responding almost without thought to the low, smooth, persuasive
tones of his voice. �We could touch each other whenever we wanted, and no one
could trouble us.�

�� Of course
you would think that most important,� Severus said, when he had recovered from
the delicious shock the words gave him.

�� Draco said
nothing, simply glanced down Severus�s body. Severus understood the message in
a moment. Draco would not be so cruel as to speak the words aloud and embarrass
Severus in front of Harry, with whom he still had the most fragile
relationship, but he knew Severus had not escaped reacting to Draco�s
implication.

�� There�s
another advantage,� Harry persisted. �If we buy a house that�s for all three of
us, I won�t think of it as my private space. We can change it in any way we
need to, and that means expanding rooms or putting in a potions lab if there
isn�t one. We can make it our space,
not mine.�

�� Severus
turned to look at him. �And would you retain your own house?�

�� Of
course,� Harry said, with a faint smile. �I don�t know if it�s best for my
friends to meet with you for a while. And this way, any of us could go there to
be by ourselves when it got to be a bit too much�as long as Draco can stand the
undecorated walls.� He rolled his eyes at Draco, who looked smugly pleased with
himself.

�� Severus
shook his head, but not in disapproval, and he could not find no words for his
incredulity except, �I would not have thought you envisioned the possibility of
its all becoming a bit too much.�

�� Harry met
his eyes soberly, without the scorn that Severus suspected he would have liked
to put there. �We�re all grown men who are used to being by ourselves, and have
our own reasons to value privacy. And none of us anticipated this. It would be
stupid to assume that we can just jump cheerfully into it and that we�ll never
need an escape.�

�� Severus
settled back into his chair, and said nothing. It was hard to find a way to
phrase his new idea�that he was relieved to find neither of his lovers was an idiot�so that it sounded
complimentary.

�� Why are
you so willing to try this?� he asked instead when the urge to blurt out his
thoughts had passed, looking between Harry and Draco.

�� Because I
think it can work,� Draco said.

��

�� Because I
want both of you,� Harry said.

�� Even Draco,
Severus was pleased to see, arched his neck a bit at that, and turned so as to
present Harry with his most favorable profile.

�� It�s not
the easiest thing in the world,� Harry said. �Maybe not the best. But it�s what
I want.� He nodded to Severus. �And you were the one who made me think I should
reach for the things I want, instead of drifting along and hoping vaguely it
might happen someday.�

�� You will
blame this on me, then.� Severus was trying to keep from smiling, but it was
difficult.

�� You can
put it that way, if you like.� Harry shrugged and smiled, his eyes so direct
that Severus had to fight the urge to flinch away from them. �I prefer to think
that I�m giving you the credit for starting all this.�

�� You were
the only one who could have done it,� Draco added, in soft, flattering accents.
�Unless you think that either of us is capable of as much good sense and
discretion as you have.�

�� I did not
know what I was beginning,� Severus said. �I felt the urge to thank Harry. So I
did. It was nothing more than that.�

�� And
nothing less,� Harry said, with a smile that Severus found intolerably
self-satisfied. �So. Does that mean that you�ll move into the house with us?�

�� Severus
knew he was lost, and he did not object to being so.

*

�� Draco stood
in the door of the small house in Hogsmeade and looked around smugly. The owner
had been more than eager to sell when Harry came in with an offer of Galleons
and sweet smiles and pretty words about how convenient it would be. The
expression on her face when Severus and Draco appeared a few minutes after the
sale had been completed, and the pleading way she had turned to Harry, were
sights that Draco would always remember.

�� The house
had two floors only, but considering that it was large and the rooms were many,
Draco didn�t find that as confining as he had thought he would after the Manor
(and it was certainly much better than Harry�s confined little hole of a
house). The first floor had a narrow corridor that opened out into a circle of
rooms: kitchen, dining room, drawing room, and two rooms with doors at either
end that the previous owner had used as studies. One of those would become
Severus�s potions lab, and Draco was thinking of using the smaller one as a
library. Otherwise, it would be the room to which they would banish Harry�s
friends, if any of them were obnoxious enough to come visiting.

�� Upstairs
were the bathrooms, the bedrooms, a second library, and a room with walls of
stone and a door of steel that Draco knew had probably been used as a training
room, or�from certain heavy scents around it�for experiments in Dark magic.
What would they do with all that space? Harry had asked, and Draco and Severus
had exchanged amused glances. Gryffindors had such cramped views of what was
possible.

�� Finally,
the house extended out into a walkway from the first floor that ran straight
into a greenhouse surrounded with glass. The owner had removed all her plants,
but that was all right; it left them more space to grow Severus�s Potions
ingredients. And Draco was dreaming of flowers from the Manor gardens, which he
could ask the house-elves to cut for him. Even if Lucius had taken the trouble
to countermand most orders Draco would give, he could not have anticipated that
one. For Lucius, flowers were something to ornament extensive gardens only. He
could not comprehend that someone might want them even in a small space.

�� Isn�t it
brilliant?�

�� Draco
laughed despite himself as Harry burst out of the room that might be his
friends� and grinned at Draco. Draco started to respond, but Harry turned his
back and pelted upstairs, leaving him no opportunity.

�� He is a
storm of energy.�

�� Draco
turned. Severus stood in the doorway of what would be his lab, and the intense
narrowing of his eyes, as though he were facing strong sunlight, was meant to
hide his pleasure Draco knew that, and told him so.

�� Severus did
not respond, but stared at him so intently Draco began to regret his teasing.
Then he stepped forwards. Draco tensed his muscles, and then reminded himself
that this was Severus, who had never hurt him, whose intervention had saved his
life when the Dark Lord wanted to kill Draco for not killing Dumbledore. He put
his chin up and stood there, hard and hardy, waiting.

�� Severus�s
kiss was regulated, almost cold, where Harry�s had been hasty and passionate,
and the taste of his mouth completely different. For Draco, that did not
matter. It was still him, and he was a man Draco had admired and
yearned to imitate long before he ever thought about him in a sexual way. The
hesitation with which he reached up and cradled Severus�s head came purely from
worry that he would not do it in a way Severus liked and would manage to put
him off.

�� At the
touch on his scalp, Severus gripped Draco�s shoulders with stained fingers and
dug in hard. Pleased, Draco did it some more, and Severus nearly threw him to
the ground with the pressure of his lips.

�� The sound
of Harry�s feet on the steps made them spring apart as though they were doing
something wrong, and they watched each other, panting harshly. Severus stopped
panting after a moment, of course, and turned to greet their third with some
coolness.

�� You room
will do to your satisfaction?� Severus asked.

�� Harry
laughed giddily and actually spun in a circle, as though he were still a
schoolboy at Hogwarts, his arms extended but his hands coming short of actually
touching the walls. Draco felt his breath increase its pace as he watched him,
and not simply because of the leftover breathlessness from Severus�s kiss. He
was mad. He was beautiful. To be with him would be like running through tame
fire.

�� It�s
enormous,� Harry said, stopping his spin and grinning at them. �And it�s in green
and silver.�

�� Draco
blinked. �Perhaps the woman who lived here had a child in Slytherin. Well, of
course, since the house belongs to you, you can redecorate it.�

�� Harry shook
his head, still with that mad grin. �Why should I want to? It�ll be good for
that small, buried part of me, I think.�

�� Draco felt
somewhat foolish glancing to the side, until he caught Severus�s eye and
realized that Severus had anticipated him. �What do you mean?� Severus asked.
Draco heard the icicle-sharp disbelief in his voice, the same disbelief Draco
was feeling himself. What in the Chosen One, their chosen who had approached
them in openness and longing, was Slytherin?

�� Harry
laughed, but stopped when he saw what must have been the genuinely offended
expressions on their faces. �Oh, sorry,� he said. �I didn�t think about it. But
you wouldn�t know.� He shrugged, and even though Draco was sure he really was
sorry for laughing, a smile chased itself around the corners of his mouth that
showed his delight in what he was telling them. �The Sorting Hat wanted to put
me in Slytherin.�

�� Draco
blinked several times. Severus remained coolly poised and said simply, �That is
not possible.�

�� Harry shook
his head. �I was so nervous when I went to Hogwarts, I thought they were going
to send me home any minute. I wanted to prove that I belonged there. The Hat
sensed that and told me I could be great in Slytherin. But�� He raised an
eyebrow at Draco. �I�d already met you, you remember.�

�� Draco felt
flattered rather than offended, and for no reason that he thought Harry would
understand. It was something, though, to know that that meeting on the train
had influenced Harry as profoundly as it had influenced him, if in the opposite
direction.

�� It asked
me if I was sure a few times, and then put me in Gryffindor.� Harry shrugged
again. �In second year, it told me it still thought I could be a good
Slytherin. But it never asked me again.� He paused reflectively. �Of course, I
never talked to it again after that.�

�� Severus was
silent, and Draco could not read the flame burning in his eyes.

*

�� Severus
made sure to remain behind after the second breakfast they ate together,
strange and mostly silent and full of speculating glances, in the kitchen of
their new house. Draco went off immediately to refashion the second unused room
on the ground floor into a library, which they had decided it was to be.
Pot�Harry remained at the table for a moment, his hands folded behind his head
as he leaned back in his chair and studied the walls.

�� We�ll have
to take that paper off, of course,� he said, as if talking to himself. �It
can�t stay.�

�� Severus
privately agreed; the paper was yellow with electric blue flowers, absolutely,
absurdly hideous. But he was not interested in discussing the paper right now.
He leaned forwards and caught Harry�s eye. Harry let his words die and turned
his head. His arm muscles tensed and then released again with an almost audible
snap, as if he thought that he might have to duel and then was giving up the
notion.

�� We have
much to speak of, you and I,� Severus said.

�� Do we?� Harry
kept his voice quiet and easy, like the falling of a small river. �I wasn�t
aware that we did. More than I and Draco did, for example.�

�� We do,�
Severus said. �We must. You never told me about almost being put in Slytherin.�

�� From the
still white astonishment that settled over his face, that was not at all the
question Harry had thought he would ask, or the one he was afraid of. Severus
spared a wistful moment to wonder what he had
feared, then settled into pursuing the course he had chosen.

�� Why would
that be important?� Harry asked at last. �Besides, I�m sure that you could
understand why I didn�t. It would have meant a lot of teasing from both
Slytherins and Gryffindors while I was at school, and since then, Houses
haven�t been nearly as important as I once assumed they were.� He sneered,
though Severus was sure it wasn�t at him. �Some people act as though you�re
Gryffindor or Slytherin forever once you�ve been one, but of course that isn�t
true.�

�� I would
have wanted to know,� Severus said. �It means a sort of kinship to Draco and I,
a kinship that would have made me feel that you were less distant from us,
alien.�

�� If I�m an
alien, then why agree to live with me? Date me?� Harry leaned forwards, all
bristling Gryffindor aggressiveness.

�� But the
Sorting Hat had seen something different. Severus retained that fact in mind as
he arched an eyebrow. �Slytherins stick more together than most for reasons you
know,� he said. �I was not displeased when you proposed living and dating
together, but I remained surprised. Suspicious. I do not want to grow closer to
Draco than to you, if we are to be together truly. And I suspect that is what
will happen, as long as I do not think I can trust you as much as I can trust
Draco.�

�� Harry laughed
bitterly. �What else do I have to do to show you that I can be trusted?�

�� Severus
leaned back in his chair and placed his fingertips contemplatively on his chin.
He was trying to understand many things: why this small secret so mattered, why
he was forcing this issue now instead of waiting and seeing whether Harry could
be trusted in the future, why he had wanted to hold this conversation in
private with Harry instead of with Draco.

�� Why his
heart raced so at the flash in Harry�s eyes.

�� What else
about you is Slytherin?� Severus asked at last. �Did you ever regret choosing
against our House? Would it have been so terrible, to be part of it?�

�� Well, I
don�t know,� Harry drawled. �D�you think I would have survived your House, instead of being murdered by someone on your
Dark Lord�s orders before I was seventeen?�

�� Severus put
his hands flat on the table to control some of his anger. �You know that not
all of my students were Death Eaters,� he said.

�� And you
know that some of them existed,� Harry said. �Enough to have made my life
miserable if they wanted to, even if they never killed me.� He leaned forwards
across the table. �Listen. I don�t want to say that Slytherins are never good,
or that I would have killed myself if I was one. That was the kind of stupid
shite I used to believe. But I don�t want to say that your House would have
been right for me either. I survived
being in Gryffindor, and I found my two best friends. That�s enough.�

�� But your
lovers are Slytherins,� Severus said. He would maintain calm. He would remember
that there was some likeness to them in Harry after all, though at the moment
it seemed buried deep. �What does that say about you?�

�� That I�ve
left House distinctions behind?� Harry shook his head so hard that his fringe
dangled into his eyes and made him look like a shaggy, ungroomed dog. �I�d like
to think so, at least. What do they matter next to living in the adult world?�
He scrambled to his feet, an uncoordinated movement. �Listen, I�m going to work
in the greenhouse. I know a lot about planting seeds.� He turned towards the
kitchen door.

�� Running
from an argument?� Severus whispered.

�� Harry
paused. Then he braced an arm against the door and turned about. �No,� he said.
�I simply don�t see the point of this one. I told you something that doesn�t
really matter a lot but lets you know me better, and you�re acting as though
it�s some deep, important secret that defines my mind and soul. Why?�

�� Because it
brings you closer to us,� Severus said. �Slytherin House was the most important
influence in my life, and Draco�s, for years. How could it be otherwise? Draco
was taught that it would form his character. I was Head and each year had to
guide my students through deep waters, made worse by the return of the Dark Lord
and Dumbledore�s favoritism of your
House. He favored the Gryffindors,� he added sharply when he saw Harry open his
mouth. �Do not deny it.�

�� I�m not,�
Harry said. He peered at Severus, then said, �If it matters that much to you,
then maybe I can answer your original question.�

�� Severus had
nearly forgotten his original question, but he clasped his hands again and
inclined his head. Far be it from him to interfere with something that might
allow them to get along better.

�� What else
about me is Slytherin?� Harry wound his fingers together in complex patterns
that made his knuckles crack. �Well. I like to keep secrets. There are things
that most people don�t know about me, and there�s really no reason not to tell
them. I mean, I don�t think the people I�m hiding the secrets from would betray
me or anything like that. I just�haven�t told them.�

�� Severus
leaned forwards and tried to convey his interest with wide eyes. It must not
have worked quite the way he wished, because Harry gave him a wry look before
continuing.

�� I had to
learn to sneak around a bit during the past few years, if I was going to keep
anything about me private. I like clever plans. I just can�t always think them
up myself.� Another shake of his head that left his fringe dangling into his
eyes. �I used to have big ambitions. I was going to be a brilliant Auror, I was
going to be a Quidditch player. Then I changed my mind, and tried to shrink my
ambitions to fit into a more normal life, but they used to be there.�

�� Why shrink
them?� Severus demanded. He was baffled. He had known that the Boy-Who-Lived
had not taken the direction in life that anyone would have predicted of him. He
had become a ward-maker, no more than that, and lived in a small house instead
of the grand one that he could have afforded. He made appointments to serve
people who used to be his enemies. He dodged the newspaper reporters, and never
responded to the scandals that linked his name to many others�. �You could have
had anything you wanted.�

�� Partly, I
was tired of all the attention,� Harry said quietly. �If I was an Auror or a
Quidditch player, it would never stop. I would always be in the papers for some
reason or another, and I wouldn�t have any peace.�

�� Severus shook
his head, but stayed quiet. He could not imagine tiring of positive attention.
Of the kind that declared him a Death Eater and the memories that had cleared
him, including Harry�s and Dumbledore�s, false, he had tired in the first hour.

�� And
partly, I started thinking that I didn�t really deserve everything they were heaping on me,� Harry went on in a
thoughtful, abstracted tone, staring over Severus�s head with eyes that made
Severus certain he no longer really saw the room in front of him. �What did I
do? Not defeat the Death Eaters, or Voldemort himself, in a grand battle. Not
cast some spell that no one had ever heard of before, that showed off my
cleverness. Not do anything but die once, the way Dumbledore said I had to, and
taunt Voldemort. That�s it. Anyone could have done it if they�d had the Horcrux
in them.�

�� Severus
blinked. Then he closed his eyes. He could not believe that he was about to
reassure Harry bloody Potter, though
he would also once have believed that there was no way the boy�s ego could be
so fragile as to need it.

�� Not many
people would have done it,� he said repressively, so that they might be
finished with this nonsense that was Potter�s suppressing himself out of
uncertainty and a sense of inadequacy as soon as possible. �They would not have
the bravery. They would not have died in such a way to keep others safe from
Voldemort in the first place, and they would not have been able to think of
surrendering their lives, no matter the good to the world that might result
from it.�

�� He opened
his eyes to see what effect his argument would have, only to be met with a
slow, infuriating shake of Harry�s head.

�� That�s
what I thought, too,� Harry said. �But then I started thinking about it, like I
said. I wasn�t especially brave or intelligent or wonderful in the end. It was
just duty. Nothing more. I wasn�t fighting against overwhelming odds and
temptation to quit like you were, either, sir. Severus,� he corrected, when
Severus turned his head. �In the end, I wanted Voldemort gone because it would
make my life better. That was my
motivation, before saving the world. That was my first reason. What kind of
hero does that?�

�� Severus
lowered his eyes to the table, because he knew that he could not disguise the
satisfaction in his expression, and he was worried that Harry would take it the
wrong way, if he noticed at all.

�� What kind of hero does that?

�� A Slytherin
hero�or, at the very least, the sort of hero that Slytherins could understand.
Someone who had his own self-interest in heart in addition to other motives,
and managed to acknowledge that it lay there, like a night-blooming flower that
most people would never see. Someone who had looked his selfishness in the face
and come out perhaps subdued, but not trying to deny it.

�� Harry�s
solution, of course, was pure foolishness. He had no reason or right to
suppress his ambitions and deny himself the things he wanted simply because he
had not lived up to his own impossible standards of perfection, or
Dumbledore�s.

�� But the
foolishness was another reassurance. It mixed with the Slytherin aspects of
Harry and rendered his character a solution that Severus could forgive himself
for mistaking for a draft of pure Gryffindor. Otherwise, he would not have
stopped wondering if he could have noticed, earlier, and brought the Chosen One
more to sympathy with the Slytherins. If Harry was disguised and had only come
to realization of his selfishness in the last few years, though, no wonder.

�� Do you
still think that you should give up what you want?� he asked quietly. �Would
you give Draco and me up if your friends asked you to?�

�� Harry
oriented on him, and abruptly his face drained of color. �No,� he said. �How
could you think�well, I can see how you would think, but�no. Of course not.�

�� You gave
up your dearest dreams because you thought you did not deserve more,� Severus
said, determined to push him. If he understood the Slytherin in Harry, he
should also understand the Gryffindor. �That speaks of a sacrificial bent to
your nature that I do not like. As if you had to do penance for having your own
desires.�

�� They�re
not my dearest dreams anymore,� Harry said, and this time his smile was
painful. �I�that was my reason at first for training to be a ward-maker and
walking away from the Auror program. It was the reason I gave my friends, and
they told me that yes, I was a hero and they hugged me, and then they left me alone about my decision. And for
the first few months that I was out of the Auror program, I really did think
that I would always miss it, and that I had given up what I wanted as some kind
of punishment.

�� But I
realized that I didn�t want to be an Auror, I wanted to be a ward-maker. The
problem was, I couldn�t explain why.
I was sick of chasing Dark wizards and I was fascinated with defensive magic.
And Ron and Hermione and the Weasleys wouldn�t have been satisfied without a
reason. I had invented that explanation about not deserving more to keep them
off my back and give myself an excuse, and I believed it for a while because I
had to believe it.� Harry shrugged and glanced away. �Then I came slowly to a
realization of how self-motivated even that decision was, just like my decision
to fight Voldemort. Like I said, I believed those reasons at first because I
had to believe them, because they were a way to construct a fiction for myself
that I could live with. If I wasn�t a great hero, I was at least someone modest
enough to renounce all the rewards they wanted to pour on my head. When I was
ready, I decided that wasn�t true, either, and I just didn�t want the rewards or for them to use me
as a Dark-magic fighter for the rest of my life. But saying it would have made
me sound�and feel, for a while�like an ungrateful little shit.� His fingers
curled into his palms. �So I changed my mind and accepted what I really wanted,
but then I got stuck in a holding pattern and didn�t know where to go from
there. Your kindness was what woke me up.� He lifted his head, and a vivid
blush stained his cheeks. �You�re the first one I�ve ever said this to.
Appropriate that it should be you, though, because you�re the one who started
me on the path to realizing a different kind of dream.�

�� Severus sat
still for a moment, and then closed his eyes. Sitting like that, where he would
not immediately betray the emotions
that danced in him, he allowed the exaltation to come.

�� To be
trusted with a secret that it sounded as though Potter had torn whole from the
innards of his soul, with pieces of flesh and strings of blood still clinging
to it, and set down still trembling and beating before him�

�� To know
that no one else knew this about
their precious Chosen One, their hero who so many people sighed for, about whom
they all agreed that he had given up a grand and brilliant life for the �quiet,
normal, uninteresting� life of a ward-maker�

�� To see
those green eyes looking at him, half-dazed with the bewilderment of speaking
so much, half-wet with vulnerability, and to know that Harry would not have
said so much if Severus had not dug deep, to know that he might not even have
thought this through fully until he admitted it now, that he was hearing his
own reasons for the first time�

�� This was triumph. There was nothing in
Severus�s life that could compare to it, though perhaps the morning after he
opened his eyes and realized that he had not died in the grip of Nagini�s coils
was a close second.

�� He rose to
his feet and stepped away from the table. Only then did he open his eyes.

�� Harry stood
against the door, his hands in his robe pockets now, staring at him. For some
reason, it heightened Severus�s desire when he saw that this moment had not
been one of intense realization for Harry the way it had for him. That made the
triumph his alone. He could lock it in a secret box of his soul and only take
it out when he wanted to admire it.

�� Come
here,� Severus said. His voice was deepened with the things he felt, and he did
not recognize it.

�� Harry
hesitated, then strode towards him. He was trying to act as if he weren�t
nervous, but his eyes darted around the room, revealing him. He halted in front
of Severus and tilted his head up with an expression of bravado that Severus
was certain he would shatter at any moment with ill-timed words.

�� Severus
kissed him.

�� This was
not the powerful, passionate, awkward kiss Harry had given him in his shop.
This was one he had initiated, and it was
an initiation, to the depths of what he could deliver, what he could do for
a lover if he wanted to. He parted
his lips after a moment of bending Harry�s neck with the force of them when
shut and snaked his tongue out, curling it around Harry�s, scraping his teeth,
his gums, the roof of his mouth, half the bottom when Harry�s tongue moved out
of the way like a startled animal.

�� Harry made
a soft, muffled sound. Severus did not move his hands up to grip Harry�s
shoulders, partially because he wanted to show what he could do with his mouth
alone and no other touch, and partially because he understood the sound.

�� He leaned
in, and bent his own neck, and poured what he felt through his mouth, as far as
that was possible.

�� Harry broke
free at last, and reeled away. Severus watched him with calm, patient eyes as
he looked about him, lifting one hand as if to wipe his lips and then stopping.
He turned his head and stared at Severus with wide eyes.

�� Severus
nodded to him.

�� Harry
whirled and fled from the room, heels drumming. Severus was not surprised and
not offended. Like him, Harry had come face-to-face with a revelation that he
was, perhaps, not equipped to handle. Severus would have been scarcely able to
face what he had learned this morning if he had clung to a shred more of his
hatred for James Potter, or if he had not been able to think of some
similarities between Slytherins and Gryffindors on his own, or if he had wanted
Harry a notch less and so had not felt such intense triumph.

�� Severus sat
down in his chair and smiled into the distance, picking up the last of his
glass to swallow the mouthful of orange juice at the bottom. His victory
flavored it.

*

�� usmorgan: Thank
you! Draco will have a different kind of relationship with his parents
ultimately, but it will take a while.

�� yaoiObsessed;
Thank you! I hope you enjoyed this update.

�� H/S/D:
Sorry, but attempting not to use the double-spacing squeezes everything
together.

�� angelmuziq:
Thank you!

�� Axel: Thank
you for reviewing.

�� Thrnbrooke:
Thanks!
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Kinder, Kindler, Kindlier