How Noble In Reason | By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 11097 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
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Chapter Seven—Ron
Weasley Is Unexpectedly Insightful
Harry stood
staring at the oven. This was the moment of truth. He had thought he could do this, but he hadn’t practiced in so long that
it would serve him right if he couldn’t.
The timer
that he’d created with a useful little spell Mrs. Weasley had told him about
chimed again. Harry took a deep breath and eased the oven open, ducking from
the blast of heated air that billowed into his face.
The tray of
biscuits inside looked normal. Harry
eyed them with concern, though, because they didn’t look exactly the same as
the biscuits that Mrs. Weasley had showed him or the photographs published in
the Daily Prophet’s new recipe page.
Then he
shrugged and took them out of the oven. He would find out soon enough if they
were good, because Draco would throw them back in Harry’s face if they weren’t.
When he laid them on the counter—hastily casting a charm beneath them that
would protect the counter from their heat—he thought they looked better. They
were chocolate on the top, and chocolate most of the way through, too, except
that the center of each one was filled with a delicate cream. The recipe pages
had said that the cream would please the most refined palate.
Well, the ingredients were expensive enough,
Harry thought, and cast a number of spells that would help the biscuits to
preserve their shape through the journey to Malfoy Manor, while not forcing
them to cool down before their time.
Then he
picked up the letter that he had written to Draco yesterday, when no answer
came to his latest one.
Dear Draco:
I know that you still might not believe me,
but I wanted to give you these. I made them. I used a recipe from the Daily
Prophet, and I’m not sure how it turned
out because I didn’t want to taste them. (Because they were for you, not
because I’m afraid they’re awful). Test them for poison if you like.
I hope you enjoy them.
Yours fervently,
Harry.
Harry
chewed his lip and wondered what Draco would think, whether he would disdain
the biscuits as not good enough or not believe Harry’s letter because they
would be so good that he would assume
a house-elf had to have baked them. Then Harry shrugged. He found Draco hard to
fathom at this point; he didn’t even know whether Draco had kept silent this
last time because he was upset, shocked, disgusted, or trying to decide what to
do next. He would push forwards and do what he could to capture Draco’s
attention without making himself obnoxious.
Besides…
Harry smiled.
He wondered when and if Draco would realize what else he was doing, besides
trying to send him gifts that would ensure Draco could trust him and relax
around him.
The sixth
gift in the Courting ritual was one that focused on memories, particularly any
memories that were important or special to the person doing the Courting. The
seventh one had to be a gift that the Courter had made with his own hands.
Harry had fulfilled both of those without announcing it, because he didn’t want
Draco to feel pressured either way, into letting him continue or making a
declaration that would utterly break the Courting off.
Harry was
trying to declare his intentions without pressing on Draco or forcing him to
make a decision. It was hard, because his intentions could also be
misunderstood. Maybe Draco would think of this as another lie.
But given
that any pain he would suffer if Draco didn’t accept him was minor compared to
what Draco had already suffered, Harry didn’t see that he had much reason to
complain.
He picked
up the tray of biscuits, stepped out of his kitchen, and checked the Apparition
coordinates in his mind. Then he whirled around and reappeared on the path
outside the gates of Malfoy Manor. He wasn’t surprised that he could get no
closer. Draco had probably changed his wards after the evening that Harry
embarrassed him, just in case.
Harry put
the tray carefully on the ground and cast a few more charms, ones that would
keep off flies and other insects, and sting anyone who tried to touch it
without Draco’s permission except one of his house-elves. He stepped back and
was smiling as he pounded jauntily on the iron gates with one fist.
He saw the
doors of the distant house pop open. Harry tipped a salute towards them, though
he doubted that anyone who stood there could see it, and then whirled around
again and Apparated back home.
*
“He must be
good.”
Harry
glanced up in surprise. He had just finished his report on the Dublansky
case—which barely qualified as a case, in Harry’s opinion, since the family’s
teenage daughter had turned out to be behind everything for a lark—and he
hadn’t heard Ron enter the office. There he was now, though, sitting on the
edge of the desk and swinging his legs as he stared at Harry.
“What are
you talking about?” Harry signed his name on the bottom of the report and stood
up. “I have to take this to Binks. Walk with me.”
“My
favorite journey,” Ron muttered, but followed Harry into the corridor without
complaint. “Whoever you’re dating. You were smiling when you wrote that report,
and you usually never do that.”
“Maybe I
only do that when you’re not with me and interjecting all these little
‘corrections’ about what ‘really happened,’” Harry muttered.
There was a
dangerous moment when he wasn’t sure that Ron was going to laugh at that, and
then he did, hard enough to make a few of the other Aurors passing turn to
stare. Harry leaned an arm against the wall and grinned at him. He was glad
that the time during which Binks had split up their partnership was long enough
past now that Ron could find it funny.
“I only did
it once,” Ron said haughtily, straightening back up. “I’m glad now that I have
a partner who understands that I get
to be the hero.”
“You were
always a hero,” Harry said. “That doesn’t mean you were a hero for plunging off
the bridge that time when you were chasing Trevor Higgins.”
Ron looked
torn between pleased and insulted, and finally compromised by exclaiming, “I
was involved in the chase! I couldn’t be expected to notice the end of the
bridge was coming up!”
“Yes, of
course you couldn’t,” Harry said, and shook his head mock-sadly at their
audience, who were leaning out of office doors now. Seven people snickered as
one, and Ron’s face turned bright red.
“I couldn’t!” he said, still feigning
indignation. “And anyway, Harry, if you want to talk about times when you got
so involved in a case that you didn’t realize what else was going on around
you, what about that time with Rebecca George and the blonde hair and the
twenty spoons?”
Harry was
about to retort, but Binks’s door banged open and he leaned out into the
corridor, face so dark that most of the spectators melted back into their
offices at once. “Potter!” he snapped. “Do you have that report?”
“Yes, sir,”
Harry said, stepping forwards with a significant eyebrow raise at Ron, to
indicate that they would talk later but shouldn’t try Binks’s patience by
continuing the conversation right now. Ron nodded in resignation and loped off
down the corridor. Binks always suspected them of trying to become partners
again when they held conversations near his office, the bastard.
Harry
stepped forwards and handed him the report. Binks accepted it, although he had
to try twice because his reaching hand missed it the first time. His eyes were
glued to Ron’s back.
“I don’t
trust Weasley,” he muttered, so low that Harry didn’t think anyone else heard
him. Harry was glad for that. He didn’t want to think what it might do to Ron’s
reputation in the Department if anyone heard the Head Auror distrusted him.
Most people would know it was a joke on Binks before it was anything else, but
there were some who would try to use it against Ron.
Harry stared at Binks. “What, sir?”
he asked, keeping his voice low, too, and hoping that the ferocity of his words
would stab Binks and make him wake up.
It didn’t. Binks simply shook his
head and said, “I don’t trust him. Always too cheerful all the time. I want you to watch him, Potter.”
“Sir,” Harry began, trying to
control his trembling. “Ron’s a good Auror. He’s passed tests and temptations
that have snared some of the others. I can’t—”
“I gave you
an order, Potter,” Binks barked, and his eyes shifted back to Harry. “That’s
your next assignment. Keep an eye on that so-called friend of yours. I want to find out where he goes and what he does,
and who’s paying him to come in here and smile and laugh.”
“Well…you
are, sir,” Harry said, unable to help himself.
Binks gave
him a stern look that would have frozen Harry if it had come from an actually
competent Head Auror who had shown that he wasn’t paranoid and cared for the
welfare of the people working under him. As it was, Harry simply glared back,
his hands in fists at his sides, and wondered how he had borne this for so
long. Why had the Auror Department
put up with a Wizengamot member’s relative being appointed simply because he
was a Wizengamot member’s relative, for that matter?
Harry had
more than a private reason now to fight back against Binks, and one not so tainted
with guilt as the Courting, since he had gone along with that of his own free
will and could have fought harder. This time, he was going to battle, and by
the time he finished, he doubted that Binks would be Head Auror any longer.
Of course,
he showed nothing of that on his face. He bowed and said, “Sir,” and then
turned and walked down the corridor. He hadn’t actually said that he would spy
on Ron, but Binks seemed to take it for granted that that was what would
happen. Harry heard him walk back into his office.
Harry
settled at his desk and drew out a new piece of parchment. He began to write
all the facts he knew about Binks down on it, including who he was related to
and the other people in the Department who would have made better Head Aurors
than he did, and he got so absorbed that the knock on his door startled him
into drawing his wand.
“Is it
safe?” Ron asked in a voice of exaggerated fear, peering around as though he
thought Binks might be lurking in the corners of Harry’s office.
“Safe,”
Harry said with a nod. “But not for Binks. He wanted me to spy on you because
you’re too cheerful and he thinks you might be a traitor to the Department.”
Ron stared
at him, his jaw dropping. Harry waved his wand and carefully shut the office
door with a spell just in case Ron exploded. Binks had to have some gossips in
the Department who would delight in repeating anything Ron said to him just for
the pleasure of seeing Ron get in trouble.
But Ron
didn’t explode. He sat down on Harry’s desk again, cocked his head, and said,
“He’s bloody mental, isn’t he?”
Harry
nodded. “And I’m going to take him down.”
Ron’s eyes
widened. “Be careful with that, mate,” he said. Harry would have laughed, but
there was a tone of genuine concern that made him listen to Ron. “I know a few
other people have complained to the Wizengamot about him and tried to get him removed.
One was sacked and one was split up from her partner and partnered with someone
else, just like us. Yeah, your name might protect you, but you haven’t traded
on it before, and that means not as many people would help you as if you always
had.”
Harry
cocked his head. He hadn’t known about that, but on the other hand, he couldn’t
see that it mattered much. He was still going to act, and keep careful records
of everything that happened between Binks and him, and he was still more
protected than anyone else in the same position would be, because of his name
and his parents’ private fortune. If he got sacked from being an Auror, it
wasn’t the end of the world.
“I’ll
remember that,” he said briefly, and started scribbling on his list again.
Ron sat in
silence for a few minutes before he cleared his throat and made Harry look up
again. “So,” he said, with an exaggerated leer. “We got sidetracked from the real topic of the conversation. That
lucky bloke is making you smile and act more cheerful than you usually are.
Aren’t you going to tell me who it is?”
Harry
hesitated. He really didn’t think he could betray Draco’s trust anymore, and
Ron would be so disbelieving if Harry simply gave his name that Harry would
have to explain the whole situation if he wanted it to make sense.
“Someone
who makes me happy,” he said. “But the situation’s really uncertain right now.
He’s not sure he likes me. It’s tense. I’ll have to try harder to get him than
I usually would. I’d prefer to keep it secret to protect his privacy, just in
case this doesn’t work out.”
Ron nodded,
then paused and stared at him so thoughtfully that Harry started to shift back
and forth in his seat. “What?” he asked defensively. He was never sure if Ron
was going to come out with praise or criticism when he looked like that.
“I reckon
that’s one reason you’re so happy,” Ron said. “You can’t rest without a
challenge. You’d probably get bored with someone who was just calm and pleasant
all the time and didn’t make you chase them. And that’s not a problem,” he
added hastily as Harry opened his mouth. “It just means that your relationship
is different from lots of other people’s. Not mine and Hermione’s, though,” he
said, with a reminiscent smile.
“That’s not
really true,” Harry pointed out. “I’ve dated plenty of people who were happy
and pleasant.”
Ron rolled
his eyes. “And you’re not still with any of them. Antonio lasted the longest,
and I think that was three months.” He reached out and clapped Harry’s shoulder
while Harry was still trying to think of an exception to what Ron had said.
“I’m happy for you, mate, if you’re happy. Wait to tell us the name. But just
think about what I said. If you win the challenge, are you still going to want
to be with him?”
Harry
barely heard Ron go out. He put his head in his hands and stared down at the
list of facts about Binks. He wished he was still purely angry, because at
least that would give him the fuel to go on with this particular task.
What would
happen if Draco agreed to the Courting and let Harry come back to him? Would
that mean Harry got bored and broke up with him in a different way a few months
later?
Harry
wanted to say no, but then again, he’d never seen himself as someone who needed
a continual challenge until Ron said it.
He sat
still, brooding, until someone knocked on his door needing another report and
he had to wake up and apply himself to his work. By the time that he had
finished that, Harry had decided that he wasn’t going to worry too much about
what would happen if or when Draco accepted him. After all, so far Draco hadn’t
responded at all to Harry’s last two letters or his gift of biscuits. It was
entirely possible Draco had chosen to cut off contact with him, maybe because
he found Harry too persistent or irritating.
That would
hurt Harry, but it wasn’t his choice.
*
“What the fuck was the meaning of those biscuits,
Potter?”
Harry
stared. When someone had knocked on the door of his house late at night, he’d
been expecting Hermione, Ron, one of the other Weasleys, or, just possibly, a
messenger from the Ministry saying that he was needed to work on an emergency
case. He hadn’t realized that he would be confronting an angry Draco, who
stalked across the threshold and slammed the door behind him while Harry was
still trying to work spit back into his mouth.
Draco’s
face was pale, his eyes incandescent with rage. He had his hands clenched as
though he wanted to hit Harry. A quick check revealed that his wand was tucked
under his shirt, but he didn’t reach for it yet. Harry was grateful. That gave
him some room to figure out what he would do next.
“I meant
them as a gift for you,” Harry said. “An apology, if you wanted to take it. You
didn’t have to eat them if they were awful.”
Draco
stared at him for so long that Harry envisioned steam rising from his ears as
if he was on a Pepper-Up Potion. Then Draco strode up to him, grabbed his
shoulders, and shook him until his teeth literally rattled.
“They’re
also a Courting gift,” Draco said, from somewhere beyond the haze of shock.
“Did you think I wouldn’t understand that? Why the fuck are you continuing to
Court me?”
Harry
ripped himself free. Draco ought to have understood this, at least. Harry had thought he was perfectly clear in his
letters. “I wondered how long it would take you to pick up on that,” he said
coolly. “The memory globe was what I said it was, a means for you to see me
vulnerable, but also a Courting gift. The sixth gift in the Courting is
supposed to be one based on memory. Remember?” he added, and had to admit that
he liked the ability to say that right after he’d mentioned the memory globe.
It was like a pun, which Hermione was always telling him he was no good at.
Draco
stepped back and reached out to catch himself on the wall. He looked as though
he’d fall over without the wall’s support, and Harry almost hoped he would. He
rubbed his shoulders and glared at Draco. It was one thing to be upset, another
to act as though he had a right to hurt someone else.
“You have
no reason to continue the Courting,” Draco said at last. His face had gone so
shuttered that Harry thought he’d have a hard time getting any other emotion
out of him now.
“Yes, I
do,” Harry said. “Two, in fact. I want to, and you haven’t told me that you
want me to stop.”
Draco
rubbed his hand as though he had punched Harry and it had hurt. “That’s still
no reason,” he said. “Excuse me for not believing that your desires should
matter to me, and for not believing that you’ll ever play by the rules.”
“No, I
don’t,” Harry said. “Neither did you, with the lilies. But I want to finish the
Courting, if you’ll let me.”
Draco shut
his eyes and turned his head away. Harry waited some more. His throat was full
of a sour stickiness, he realized, and he dreaded what Draco was going to say
so strongly that he wished the moment would be over, not caring any longer
whether it brought a negative or a positive answer.
Then he reconsidered
that. He did in fact hope that the answer would be positive, very much.
“No one
does this,” Draco whispered. “That’s not the way it works. People either end
their relationships amid storms and shouting, or they drift quietly apart. No
one I’ve ever dated has hurt me like this, and yet the ones who inflicted
lesser wounds still weren’t stupid
enough to think they deserved a second chance.”
Harry
winced, but he managed to keep his voice light and steady. “Well,” he said.
“You could look at it that way. You could also say that none of them were
courageous enough to go after what they really wanted, and I am. I am going to continue the Courting if you
don’t outright refuse.”
Draco
opened his eyes again. They had emotions floating and flashing in them that
Harry didn’t understand. Draco clenched his fists. “You don’t understand how
hard this is for me,” he said, his voice fragile.
“Then
explain.” Harry tried to make his tone soothing. “I want to understand you. I
want to spend every day for the rest of my life learning you, if you’ll let me.
But I can’t do that if I have to make assumptions. You can explain in your own
words, and that’ll not only be more accurate but more welcome than my guesses.”
Draco, even
though he looked pale and shaky, still found the resources for a sneer at him.
“I shouldn’t have to take up the duty of explaining to you.”
“Then I’ll
have to guess,” Harry said. “And I told you why I don’t want to do that. And
you’d have to speak some words anyway, or at least shake your head, if you
don’t want me to continue the Courting.”
“I don’t
like being put on the spot,” Draco said, his voice like a dog’s with a mouthful
of meat.
Harry just
raised his eyebrow and waited. He saw no reason to repeat himself. His whole
effort had been to get Draco here so that he would speak his decision—or for
Draco to write him a letter that contained it. Harry had to admit he was a
little hopeful, because it seemed Draco would have refused him at once if he
was utterly opposed to what Harry wanted.
“Generous, real lovers would know not to put me on
the spot like that,” Draco said.
Harry shook
his head. “I’m not as generous or as real as I could have been, with the lies I
told from the beginning.” It was getting easier now to admit he’d made a
mistake. Harry supposed that was what living with guilt day in and day out for
years would do to you. “That’s the reason I’m trying not to make assumptions
now. Like I said, just speak one word or shake your head if you don’t want me to
continue Courting you.”
Draco’s
eyes clouded over with annoyance. Harry felt a moment’s pride that he could
read him so well. Or it might be that Draco was simply being more open with
Harry than he would with many other people.
If that was
true, it was an honor, and Harry hoped that Draco knew he appreciated it.
“What one
word could I speak that would end the Courting?” Draco demanded. “All of the
possible sentences take more words than that.”
“Easy,”
Harry said. “No. Speak the word ‘no’ now, and I’ll leave you alone.” He stepped
back and waited again.
Draco
pushed himself off the wall. “I came here because I wanted it to be real,” he
said, stalking closer. “I wanted the fantasy to still be real, can you believe
that? Even after you deceived me like that, hurt me like that—” his voice
shook, and Harry knew that talking about his own pain was hard for him “—I
still wanted to believe. So I accepted your bloody gifts and your bloody
letters.”
Harry
nodded. His heart was beating fast enough to be painful.
“That’s why
I’m here,” Draco said, voice thick with bitterness. “That’s why I want you to
back off, because the fantasy can’t be
real and I know it, and yet some stupid fucking childish part of me still wants
it.”
Harry took
a breath that felt as if it was edged with knives. “So you want me to stop the
Courting.”
“No!” Draco
slapped his hands together. “I can’t call off the Courting because I want it
too much! You’ll have to be the one who steps away. Don’t leave me the choice.”
Harry had a
brief, dizzy temptation to giggle. Draco was making the choice to have Harry
take his choices away.
But there
was only so much that Harry was willing to do to make up for his mistake, and
destroying both his hopes and Draco’s wasn’t one of those things. He shook his
head slowly. “If I back off now, I’m not abiding by the rules of the Courting,”
he said.
Draco
stared at him. “But you’re doing what I ask.”
“If this is
what you really want,” Harry said, “find the strength to do it yourself. I’m not
going to have a lover so fragile that he can’t make his own decisions.”
Draco
glared at him, his eyes such small slits Harry could no longer see their color.
“Fragile,” he said, in a voice that
made it worse than the profanity he’d spoken so far.
Harry
lifted an eyebrow and nodded. He hoped that his strategy of insulting Draco
deliberately would pay off.
“I’ll show
you fragile,” Draco said softly. “Yes, continue the Courting. We’ll see how
strong you really are.” He walked out the door without a glance back.
Harry
licked his lips. He rather thought he had won that one.
Maybe.
But Draco
not only hadn’t taken back his permission for Harry to continue Courting him
but had actually encouraged him, and Harry was disposed to think of that as a
victory.
*
polka dot: I
rather think Draco would object to another being he’s expected to care for
without his consent.
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