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The Rules of Hogwarts	By : MistressAshley Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 3608 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I make no profit from writing this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Rule 1
- 2-Rule 2
- 3-Rule 3
- 4-Rule 4
- 5-Rule 5
- 6-Rule 6
- 7-Rule 7
- 8-Rule 8
- 9-Rule 9
- 10-Rule 10
- 11-Rule 11
- 12-Rule 12
- 6
- 7
- 8
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and I make no profit from writing this story.

AN: I hope you guys are enjoying these cracky little blurbs. Like always, there is no beta; this is just me fooling around. XD I have two more finished after this one and I'll try to get them posted quickly. We'll see what happens after that.

Rule 7: Shaving Mrs. Norris is NOT a public service

Public Service

Harry shivered under the cloak as he gazed into lamp bright eyes as Mrs. Norris sniffed around them. He could feel Ron quivering next to him. After the Howler from Mrs. Weasley neither were eager to have a note sent home about being caught out of bed.

Harry glanced away from the mangy cat and jerked his head back the way they had come. Ron's eyes were equally as wide as Harry's but there was a greenish caste taking over his face as he frantically shook his head. If they moved Mrs. Norris was sure to bolt and Filch would likely head them off on their way back to the common room, and yet, if they stayed she was just as likely to learn their scent and scurry off for Filch anyway.

Harry glanced back down to find Mrs. Norris staring at him maliciously, matted tail twitching in glee. She knew. Harry narrowed his eyes, staring deeply into the cat's triumphantly gleaming gaze. This had to stop. She knew their scent now and she was sure to follow them around school to find them doing something wrong now. Ron would be pulled from school, Hermione was sure to blame Harry, and Harry would be friendless once again.

That wasn't going to happen.

Without thought, Harry's wand flew into his hand and the cloak slipped from his form as he leapt from beneath it. Mrs. Norris gave a startled jolt before she darted for the secret passage. A harshly whispered spell, a flash of light, and then it was over. Harry was left panting as he looked at the stunned form of Mrs. Norris.

A whimper echoed through the hall as Ron let the cloak fall from around him. "What have you done, Harry? Oh, we're going to be expelled for this!"

"Be quiet," Harry commanded. "You sound like Hermione. We're not doing anything wrong," he tried to convince himself. "This is like—like a public service. Everyone has wanted to kick that cat at least once."

"Yeah, but you didn't kick her, Harry. You stunned her. Dumbledore won't even have to expel us because Mum is gonna kill both of us. He'll have to dig us up to break our wands."

"Shut up, Ron." Harry moved forward, scooping the cat up with a grimace. Her fur was greasy and clumped together with Merlin knew what. He really didn't want to know what was stuck in her fur. Please, Merlin, God, or whoever is listening let it not be what some of the older students speculate. A shudder wracked his body at the thought as he forced himself not to gag.

The fur had to go.

Harry hurried Ron back under the cloak just in time, clutching Mrs. Norris to his chest, as Filch burst, panting, through the tapestry to their left. His beady eyes looked left and right before he set off at a limping run towards Gryffindor Tower.

"That was close. How do you think he knew we were here without Mrs. Norris?" Ron gasped out.

"You weren't exactly quiet, were you?" Harry scolded with some amusement. "Come on." They set off as quickly as they could without risking exposure for the empty classroom at the end of the hall. They scurried in, closing the door behind them.

Harry was quick to set Mrs. Norris down, brushing his hands over his robe multiple times in hopes of getting them grease free. Right, first things first, he thought as he moved to the blackboard at the front of the room. There was an old piece of chalk laying in the tray that he grabbed. It took a few moments to remember and complete the spell but before long an electric shaver lay before him. Well, not electric since those wouldn't work in Hogwarts, but it was close enough and seemed to run just as well as Uncle Vernon's razor.

"I've always wanted to do this, ya know?" Harry commented to a stunned Ron. His thoughts turned back to Privet Drive and Mrs. Figgs horrid cats.

"What are doing?" Ron whispered, glancing behind them at the closed door. Still, he seemed less frightened of being caught and expelled now and was tiptoeing closer with a look of interest in his eyes.

"Something not even Fred and George managed. We're going to shave Mrs. Norris." Harry's pronouncement was met with silence. "What do you think, should we take all of it or do her up like a poodle?" Harry glanced behind him to a now grinning Ron.

"I don't care because it's brilliant," Ron breathed.

"Think she'd look good with tufts of fur around her ankles, maybe a lion's mane and a tuft on the tip of her tail?" Harry squinted at the unconscious cat, trying to imagine it, but he kept coming back to the horrid feeling of greasy, matted fur.

"Whatever we're doing, we better do it quick, yeah? Filch will be back soon when he can't find her," Ron said as he jerked his head towards the cat.

Harry moved forward with a sigh wishing they had more time to plan this out, but it was going to be brilliant either way.

It took almost half an hour before all the knotted fur littered the abandoned classroom. Harry and Ron were both sweaty and panting but very satisfied. They were just in time it seemed as Mrs. Norris stirred from her stunner induced sleep.

The cat pulled herself up, giving a hearty shake of her nude body. Ron dragged Harry under the cloak, pulling the door open they scurried out. Not a second later there was a pitiful mewl from the doorway and they watched Mrs. Norris shake her paws before darting across the hall for the secret passage. They had never seen her move so quickly, not even when she ran to tell Filch about rule breakers.

They muffled their laughter as they made a hasty retreat to back to the common room.

The next day found a sight like none before. This breakfast would go down into the personal history of the students of Hogwarts, for all those who lived under the reign of old Filch and his mangy cat. It would be a bright spot to be talked about for years to come, both in and out of Hogwarts. The Weasley twins would learn of this sight the next day while brewing something for their joke shop and would need to spend a week in St. Mungo's to recover. Once out, they would travel to the Burrow and bow before Ron and Harry in reverence.

What was this sight you ask?

Why it would be the sight of Harry Potter calmly eating breakfast with one hand while his free hand scratched behind the ears of a purring cat. At least, the students thought it was a cat … though it could have been a naked mutated rat. The purring kind of set them on cat though. A cat that looked vaguely familiar.

"PEEVES!" The shout shook the Great Hall before the doors slammed open. "Dumbledore! Peeves, he's done it this time. Oh, yes, he has." None had ever seen Filch look as mad, as insane as he did at this moment.

Headmaster Dumbledore rose calmly from his seat. "Is there a problem, Argus?"

"That menace has done something to Mrs. Norris. I know it; locked her up in a suit of armor, thrown her off the highest tower, drowned her in a toilet somewhere maybe. She's gone," the man wailed madly.

"I am sure nothing of the sort has happened, Argus. Why don't you show me the last place you saw her and we'll search the castle for her. I'm sure she's just napping off a rather large mouse somewhere."

The school watched as Filch strode with renewed purpose from the room, Dumbledore hot on his heels. However, a moment later Dumbledore slipped back around the door. His eyes lingered on the purring cat in Harry's lap for a moment, "Fifty points to Gryffindor for being so willing to help a cat in need. Best put Mrs. Norris back where you found her, Harry," he said with a wink that none missed before disappearing once more.

There was an explosion of sound at Dumbledore's words and Harry heard Ron breathe, "Brilliant", from beside him as a grin stretched his face.

A mewl and a nudge against his hand drew Harry's attention back to the cat in his lap who seemed only too happy to stay where she was and receive pets and scratches.

Mrs. Norris wasn't so bad, Harry decided. Shaving her might not have been a public service to the world, but a purring, arching Mrs. Norris sure seemed to think it was brilliant, too.

End
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The Rules of Hogwarts