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Harry's Shorts: 2.0	By : Gandalfs-Beard Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 22119 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Harry Potter or any associated properties (that would Rowling and various companies), nor do I make any money from the production of this work

Chapter List
- 6
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- 8
Summary: On a special assignment in America, Harry and Hermione have a chance encounter with muggle law enforcement.

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The man with messy dark hair leaned back in his office chair and sighed with boredom, flinging another sharpened number 2 pencil at the ceiling. When it stuck in the foam-board panel, the eighteenth to reach its mark, he allowed himself a little, "Yay me," so half-hearted as to sound vaguely sarcastic.
The bored man supposed he was lucky to still have a job, for probably the thousandth time since his bosses had given him the basement office. And he decided that he really ought to count himself lucky that he still had a partner, one who after all these years still hadn't given up on him despite her own misgivings about being stuck in the least prestigious department of the national law enforcement division that they both worked for.
They hadn't been assigned a case for nearly a month, perhaps because the last case had ended on a slightly sour note - a note that their boss had called a "debacle." Never mind that they had tracked down and captured a very dangerous person who had killed at least a dozen people across five states.
As it turned out, the "debacle" had centred on the fact that the press had had a field day with the FBI's official description of the murderer as a werewolf. Of course that "official description" had come from Fox Mulder's own report.
But what the hell? That was his job wasn't it? To report the facts as he saw them? Wasn't that why they had given him the goddamn X-files to begin with? To deal with the "weird" cases that defied normal description?
Apparently some higher-ups had thought otherwise. They were the ones who had overruled his immediate superior nearly from the beginning and assigned Mulder a partner whose job as they saw it was to debunk everything Mulder uncovered which reeked of "weirdness."
Mulder allowed himself a slightly less sarcastic chuckle at the delicious irony that the notorious skeptic who had been assigned as his partner had ended up supporting some of his most bizarre findings on a slew of his biggest cases over the years - including the recent werewolf case. Of course that fact hadn't endeared him or his partner to the higher ups, and so now she was stuck in the basement too.
Not literally stuck - as Dana Scully frequently reminded him; she didn't have to show up at the office until there was an actual case, unlike Mulder himself. So as Fox Mulder sharpened his nineteenth pencil in preparation to join its companions embedded in the ceiling, he was decidedly pleased to see a red-haired woman poking her head through the door of his office.
"Fox, brush your hair and shave, and do up your tie," said Dana Scully. "We've got a case."
"Yay us!" he retorted with a grin, almost sounding like he meant it. "Maybe we'll get lucky and finally prove that the director is a bloodsucking vampire, conspiring to keep us out of the loop for decades."
"Doubtfully," she replied, rolling her eyes. "Here, take a look..." Scully tossed a file on Mulder's desk and he dutifully picked it up and began leafing through it.
"I think they sent this to the wrong department Dana," he muttered. "This looks like a pretty standard serial killer... shouldn't the profilers at Quantico be looking into this?"
"They already have! And all the evidence has hit a wall... that's why we have it now. We need this case Mulder!"
The use of Fox's last name seemed to indicate that he might be sleeping on the couch if he pushed his luck. He sighed.
"Yay us!" Mulder repeated, this time with heavy emphasis on the sarcasm. "The office where cold-cases get sent to die. They might as well just call us the Case Morgue..." He smirked at the frown on his partner's face.
"Relax Dana! I'm thrilled to have a case," he said laconically, flicking through more pages in the file. "And I suppose the symbols painted in blood around the bodies could indicate an occult connection. But I don't understand how this case could be cold - there's physical evidence galore, DNA and fingerprints all over the crime scene... and the accoutrements left at the scene just scream Ritual Killer..."
"It's a mess, I agree." Scully nodded, her frown vanishing when she saw Mulder's forehead creasing with interest. "Whoever committed these murders never bothered to clean-up at all, or dump the bodies. This should be a slam-dunk case, Fox, but every single lead was a dead end. The crime-lab and the profilers are all stumped. The killer or killers are ghosts..."
"Well, not literal ghosts I presume." Mulder couldn't resist the little jibe at his oft-skeptical partner.
"You know what I mean Mulder!" she snapped, rolling her eyes. But Scully allowed herself a little smile, pleased that Fox had managed to retain his sense of humour through the latest case-drought. "Anyway, I thought we should start with a visit to the original crime scene in Santa Cruz, California..."
"Wait, so this really might be a vampire case then?" Mulder chuckled at his own little joke and Scully raised her eyebrows, rubbing her forehead as if she had a headache.
"Mulder, if you start making Corey Haim and Corey Feldman jokes, I'm going to scream!"
"Okay, okay!" he grinned. "I'll stop! Should I assume that you already have tickets?"
"We have one hour until the end of check-in time at Reagan International... And yes, I already packed your wetsuit, but if you plan on getting in any surfing, you'll have to rent a board on your own dime. Don't forget, this is a business trip, Fox."
"Do I ever?" he asked, almost sincerely as he leaned in closer to his partner, giving her that look which always made her feel slightly weak in the knees. Dana's pulse quickened as she allowed herself a few moments to melt into the kiss when Fox's lips pressed against hers.

~o0o~
Heaven's tears struck hot asphalt and the smell of ozone filled the air. The haphazard patter of rain became a steady thrum, bringing welcome relief from the oppressive summer heat. The residents of the seaside town continued about their business in shorts and t-shirts, hopeful that the unexpected break in the drought would also relieve the strain of the ever growing community on the local reservoirs and aquifer.
Steam rose from the pelting rain which hit the silvery-blue hood of the rented Buick; its occupants sighed as they pulled into the parking lot of the hotel.
"Well, here we are in sunny California, Dana," said Fox wryly as he turned off the vehicle. "Good thing we didn't need our umbrellas..."
"Mulder, the weather forecast was fine when I checked it online. The system was supposed to stay well to the north of San Francisco." Dana glowered at Fox. "Anyway, it won't make any difference if you decide to go surfing..."
"True, but I was hoping to see you by the pool in that skimpy little bikini you bought in San Jose after we left the airport." Fox grinned at the redhead in the seat beside him, pleased to see her blushing and looking slightly mollified.
"Well, if you behave, I might still wear it for you, Fox."
"I'm looking forward to it. Anyway, why don't you stay in the car and let the Sheriff know we're here while I check us in, Dana?"

~o0o~
It was dark by the time the FBI agents reached the opulent house at the top of the hill. Burbling water rushed in the gully at the side of the road and dripped in rivulets from the surrounding pines. The agents followed the Sheriff to the front door.
"It's all yours," said the Sheriff, dropping the keys in Dana Scully's hand. "Good luck on finding anything. We cleaned up the scene and gave everything to Quantico over a month ago..."
Dana Scully frowned at Fox Mulder as he stood in the downpour and watched the Sheriff leaving.
"Are you coming Fox?"
"I was thinking of looking around the property actually..." Mulder began. Scully gave a start and glanced behind her through the now open threshold.
"What?" asked Mulder.
"I think I heard voices Fox... someone else is here."
Mulder's jaw tightened as he and Scully both unholstered their guns and crept silently into the house. Scully pointed up the stairs. Mulder nodded and they both padded cautiously up to the second floor, guns drawn. Voices could be heard and an eerie glow emanated from a doorway.
"...another one of your feelings Harry?" said a slightly skeptical, feminine voice with a British accent.
"It's more than that," a male replied, also with a British accent, which Scully placed in Southern England.
"This has to be where it happened," the male continued. "It feels like the time I was in the cave at the seashore with the headmaster before he was killed. I can sense it - Dark magic... Blood Magic... She did the ritual right here, in this room - I just know it Hermione..."
Something about the names of the silhouetted figures struck Mulder as familiar. But he didn't have time to think when he saw cylindrical objects in their hands.
"Drop your weapons and freeze," Mulder barked. "We're Federal agents..."
"...and you're interfering with a crime scene." Scully added, her own weapon pointed directly at the male.
The figure presumed to be Harry froze, nodding slightly at the young woman. Both of them let their weapons clatter to the floor and raised their hands slowly. Mulder frowned, puzzled when he realised the weapons on the floor looked nothing like guns. In fact, they looked remarkably like...
"Wands?" said Scully in a tone of disbelief as she turned on the lights.

~o0o~
"Wait - this is a hoax! You're kidding us, right? Last time I checked, Harry Potter was still fictional!" Mulder peered at the teens incredulously.
"See Hermione, I told you we shouldn't have used our real names," the English boy sighed. The bushy haired girl bit her lip.
"I'm sorry Harry," she said. "You were right - I just don't like to lie unnecessarily."
"You don't really expect us to believe this crap do you?" Scully snapped in frustration.
"Though I have to admit, you both look the part," Mulder added wryly. "You could almost be Radcliffe and Watson's younger twins - if there were such things"
"Bloody Rowling and Radcliffe," Harry groaned. "Just once, I'd like to go somewhere and not have people question everything about my life when they hear my name and see my scar."
"Look, it's complicated," said the girl calling herself Hermione to the FBI agents. "Yes, the books and films are fictionalised accounts, but much of it is also true. Rowling has a talent similar to that of seers, except she's not a prophet - not really. Like many artists and writers, Rowling has an ability to tap into the Collective Unconscious and read people's lives - though she didn't really know that was what she was doing at the time.
"Unfortunately, like Seeing, Reading Lives is apparently a dreadfully imperfect art. Had she stuck to the actual, true story, Rowling wouldn't have ever paired me with that awful boy..."
"Oh come on, Ron's not that bad," Harry retorted. "He's not Malfoy after all."
"Harry, Ron bloody ditched you twice when it counted most!" Hermione snapped.
"Ron never actually got a chance to ditch me though," she told Dana Scully, "because none of that rubbish about me ever liking Ron was true - Rowling just made that rubbish up because she liked some absolute tosspot when she was in school... I'll never understand why!
"Would you like it if someone called you a bossy-know-it-all all the time? Would you ever go out with someone like that? Would you do all his homework for him and then let him mock you mercilessly for being smarter than him?"
Scully glanced at Mulder, a flicker of uncertainty in her eyes. When he smirked, she shook her head and gave him a half-smile in return before looking back at the bushy brown-haired girl who was still talking. The boy who thought he was Harry Potter just looked like he wanted to crawl away and hide somewhere, his hands covering his red face with embarrassment.
"...I liked Harry! It was always Harry - from the first time I met him on the train I've liked him. And even though he did think I was a bit bossy at first, he never once made fun of me for being smart. And we've more or less been together since Harry saved me from the troll, first as best friends, and then later - well, now we're married... Anyway, Ron wasn't even there at all, too busy stuffing his face during the Halloween feast..."
"Wait," said Mulder, his eagerness to believe and his curiosity getting the better of him, "so trolls are real then? Dragons? Mermaids? Magic? Horcruxes? ...all real?"
"Mulder, that's preposterous!" Scully snapped. "Even if we were to accept that some of those books were based in part on the lives of real people, there's no way all that other stuff could be kept hidden..."
"But it's not," said Harry, finally finding his voice. "Not perfectly anyway. Stuff always slips through the cracks... like that werewolf who was captured recently by your lot..."
"He's got us there Dana," Mulder chuckled. "Quite literally. We're actually the agents who captured him."
"You're joking!" said Harry and Hermione together. It was their turn to look incredulous.
"So why's it so hard to believe us then?" asked Harry as he began to scowl. "If you know werewolves are real...?"
"Look, I'm not denying that there are many unusual things in the world," Scully interjected, "I'm just saying that there is always some sort of rational explanation..."
"...Like Alien DNA," Mulder chortled. "Come on Dana, you've proven yourself that sometimes 'rational explanations' beggar belief on a regular basis for decades now..."
"And you're right Agent Scully," said Hermione eagerly. "I agree completely. There are loads of things which seem incredible, but we can prove rationally and empirically that they're real. If you let us have our wands back..."
"Now hold on a second," Mulder raised his hand as if to slow traffic down, "even assuming that I might believe much of what you're saying, if I were to give you your wands back, how do I know you won't use them to do something to us... some sort of Men In Blacktype stuff like erase our memories..."
"If you mean Obliviation, I promise we won't," said Harry quickly and earnestly. "I wouldn't do anything to you, unless it was to protect Hermione's life..."
"Or your own life Harry..." Hermione added, frowning at him. "You need to look after yourself too..."
"In any case," she went on, looking at the FBI agents again, "we're more or less in the same business as you two, except we have a bit more independence as we only take DMLE assignments on occasion because our friend Arthur Weasley is currently Minister of Magic. We wouldn't be working for the Ministry at all otherwise, as it was a hotbed of corruption and conspiracy against us for so many years..."
"We actually have a Private Practice," Harry continued. "A bit like a muggle Legal Defence and Detective agency."
Dana Scully swallowed as she watched the two teenagers interact. The exchange had at least confirmed for her that they truly didn't mean to harm anyone, and that they cared deeply about each other. She didn't know what else to believe, but something about the pair made her want to believe almost as much Fox did.
But she was curious about one thing in particular, and a few things still didn't quite add up - like the fact that the pair in front of her should surely look a decade or more older.
"Okay, I'll give you your wands back in a moment," Scully relented, "but I have to know a couple of things. First, shouldn't you be much older now? I mean, you look the same age - or younger even - as the actors that play... uh... you in the films."
"Oh! That bit's easy actually," said Hermione with a grin. "The potential lifespan of wizards can be double that of non-magical humans, so some of us are lucky enough to age really slowly - not all of us mind you, because there's just as much genetic variation between wizards as there are between other humans - especially in the NON 'pure' bloodlines.
"Harry and I just happen to be a couple of wizards who have always looked younger than our actual age. That's one thing Rowling got half-right when she described Harry and me as seeming a bit small for our relative ages."
"Wow!" Scully looked a bit envious, a clear sign that she was really beginning to believe their crazy story. "Okay," she began again tentatively with a shy grin, "so tell me what REALLY happened in Deathly Hallows then between you both and Ron and Ginny."
Mulder began laughing softly in the background. "Of course... that's the most important part, Dana!" he chortled.
Harry groaned. "Alright, look - there was never anything between me and Ginny either. Rowling just ignored that bit of our lives and made that up too... Half of book six and half of Deathly Hallows never happened like that at all..."
"...For one thing, Harry was officially my boyfriend since the end of Third Year," Hermione continued, taking over for Harry, "and we got married during the horcrux hunt, a while after Ron left - he never found his way back to us by the way - talk about Deus Ex Machina, that bit was complete rubbish.
"What really happened is that Harry and I did go to Godric's Hollow - it was so sad to see his parents' graves - and I felt closer than ever to Harry. I knew for certain then that I could never live without Harry, and I asked him to marry me... right then and there..."
"And I said yes of course," Harry jumped back into the story, grinning, despite still looking red and flustered to be discussing his personal life with complete strangers. "There was a Christmas Eve celebration happening in the little church nearby, and - well... Hermione and I are both more or less agnostic - we're not really fussed one way or the other - so we wandered into the little church and asked the priest if he'd mind marrying us..."
Tears shone in Hermione's eyes as she continued this bit of their tale.
"...and the priest said yes!" Hermione beamed radiantly at Harry. "It was so beautiful... so romantic. The parishioners didn't seem to mind at all sharing their celebration with us - food, wine, the whole lot - and giving us an impromptu wedding... We stayed until midnight, and then went for a walk while it snowed. We found Harry's old house - where he'd lived with his parents before they were killed..."
"...and that's when everything got bolloxed that night," Harry sighed as he carried on. "It was perfect up till that point. What happened next was pretty much described in the book. And after that night, when we were in the forest the next couple of days, it's true, Snape's doe Patronus did find us. It led me and Hermione to the pond.
"Now, you have to understand that nobody had ever worn that bloody Locket. I wasn't stupid enough to let any of us actually wear that bloody thing. I kept it in the mokeskin pouch that Hagrid had given me. The funny thing is, when it or the other horcruxes were near me, I could feel them with my scar, and so yeah, it was painful for me, but it didn't actually affect Ron or Hermione. Rowling made that bit up too...
"Ron ditched me because he was fed up, more or less how Rowling depicted, but absolutely not because of the stupid horcrux. It was similar to the reasons he ditched me during the Triwizard Tournament. He thought I was holding out information on him, that I knew more than I was letting on, that Dumbledore had told me more about how to find the horcruxes, and the jealousy..."
"I still don't really quite know why either," Hermione interjected, an incredulous look on her face. "There had never been anything between me and Ron... I think maybe he was just jealous because he didn't have his own girlfriend anymore.
"Lavender Brown dumped Ron in reality - that's another bit Rowling got backwards - Ron's eating habits, his rudeness, his denseness, his insecurities and pettiness - they were all too much for Lavender to deal with after a couple of months together..."
"Yeah," Harry nodded, sighing, "Ron's not a bad bloke really - he doesn't mean to be a tosser most of the time. Besides being a bit jealous, he's just a bit thick and his mouth runs away with him - but he usually comes around eventually... He apologised to me when he showed up at Hogwarts for the final battle with the rest of the Weasleys... They all came, except for Percy.
"Percy had his head so far up Umbridge's arse after joining the Ministry that he turned out just as bad as the Malfoys in the end. Fudge was never a problem - he was sacked by the Wizengamot after Lucius Malfoy orchestrated the terrorist attack on the Quidditch World Cup... I'm not sure how Rowling mucked that bit up.
"Anyway, After Fudge got sacked, it was really Umbridge that ran the Ministry behind the scenes - she was in the pocket of Lucius Malfoy. Scrimgeour was only ever a figurehead really, and seeing as Thicknesse was imperiused, Voldy was only too happy to let Umbridge keep running the Ministry because their goals were more or less totally aligned...
"Umbridge was actually secretly the head of the Unspeakable Office for at least as long as I was in Hogwarts it turns out - that's how she managed to have so many different jobs and wield so much power through each administration, and Percy ended up being her right hand man.
"They both got chucked in Azkaban after the war for Crimes Against Humanity when it was discovered that their Muggleborn Registration and Mudblood Relocation Act was actually sending muggleborns to Death Camps..."
"I still find it hard to believe that Percy actually knew about the camps," Hermione shook her head sadly as she added her thoughts again. "But he must have. He was still at Umbridge's side during the anti-Muggleborn hearings when we raided the Ministry to get the Locket from her - we had to stun him too.
"Anyway, the final battle was similar to the book, but not nearly as many people died on our side, and lots more died on Voldemort's side than Rowling made out. Fred actually lived, and Dora and Lupin both survived - though they were never a couple - another bit Rowling changed up.
"Snape did end up dying, which was sad, because he'd gradually got over being mean to me and Harry after our first few years at Hogwarts. Snape's fondness for Harry's mum actually helped him get over Harry looking so much like his dad.
"Lucius Malfoy got killed, and Draco actually got chucked in Azkaban for a few decades - he's still there - for conspiring to murder Dumbledore, and for nearly murdering Katie Bell and Ron Weasley, and for being part of Voldemort's army. And well... that's basically it," Hermione concluded.
"Except for why we're here," Harry added with a sigh. "Bellatrix Lestrange! ... She was never killed or captured. She's been on the run ever since - traveling around the world and killing with a small group of her own - practicing Necromancy..."
"We think she's trying to find a way to resurrect Voldemort," said Hermione. "And every time the Ministry sends us to look into it when they get wind of a murder which bears her signatures..."
"...she's fond of carving up her victims - marking them like that Umbridge woman marked me." Harry scowled, glancing at the scar on Hermione's forearm. "She was definitely the one behind the murders here - she and her horrid little gang. But she's long gone - probably in Timbuktu by now..." he sighed resignedly.

~o0o~
As Fox Mulder cheerfully lay in bed with Dana Scully beside him - sans bikini which was now draped across a chair in the hotel room - he couldn't help thinking back to the incredible spells which Harry and Hermione Potter had showed them both. He and Dana had been particularly thrilled by the patronuses, a stag and a doe.
"Are you thinking about them, Fox?" asked Dana, seeing her on-again boyfriend lost in his own little world once more.
"Hunh? Oh... um, yeah! There's something about that pair... something similar about them..."
"Similar?" Dana looked perplexed. "Don't you mean 'familiar'...?"
Fox gazed into Dana's clear grey eyes and gently brushed a stray strand of her red hair from her lashes.
"Dana, don't you think it's time we got married?"
AN: X-files characters belong to FOX...I do not own them, nor do I make any money from their appearance in this story.
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Harry's Shorts: 2.0