Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Going On	By : Relevant_Peach Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 6814 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter universe or the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
He had to admit, the boy was clever. Severus had been tutoring Theodore in potions for several weeks now, and the boy’s curiosity and obvious joy for learning had earned Snape’s grudging respect. The child was methodical, and careful, and drew conclusions from the carefully crafted lessons that many first years wouldn’t manage. Having known his parents, Severus wasn’t surprised that the boy was bright, but his lingering distaste for the Mauraders made it difficult to admit the blatantly obvious. Sort of like with Harry, a treacherous voice in his mind supplied, and Severus firmly told the mind-voice to shut the fuck up.

The budding confidence that Teddy had gained as he learned more had an unexpected side effect. Their conversation under the tree had not put to rest Teddy’s lingering doubts about Harry, and whether his lack of magic made him less of a Wizard. Severus privately thought that having defeated Voldemort rather made up for any latent magical loss, but Harry was prickly about talking about his own actions during the war, so Teddy remained ignorant of exactly how much of a Wizard Harry Potter was. As he pondered this, Severus cursed this newly developed tendency to defend Harry to his Godson. Not only was this none of his business, but also, he didn’t like thinking too much about Harry. Potter, not Harry. He might agree to refer to the brat as ‘Harry’ in speech, but that didn’t mean that, in the privacy of his own mind, he was obligated to call him anything. Even if you want to, he argued with himself. Belt up, he ordered the irritating, argumentative voice that delighted in contradicting him. Won’t, the voice replied smugly. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you looking at his arse. Severus growled under his breath and parried one final remark to the infernal nuisance voice: Fuck off.

Teddy’s doubts about his guardian had manifested in two, equally annoying behaviours. He’d begun to hero-worship Snape, making a point of parading around after the Potions Master, and spending a great deal of time telling Potter what Snape had said about one subject or another. More irritatingly, he’d also begun defying Harry in small but pointed ways. The child would delay in putting away his books before dinner, casting a rebellious little glance at his Godfather to see what his reaction would be. Or, when Harry would express an opinion, Teddy would take the exact opposite side, doing his best to enlist Snape’s support of his position. Harry had thus far ignored the behavior. When Severus had spoken privately to him, he’d said “I expect it will work out. Arthur told me that Bill went through a similar challenging phase, and he’d ridden it out” Be that as it may, Severus was well aware that Molly had very likely not ridden the disrespectful behaviour out, and Severus found himself struggling not to intervene. It was driving him spare.

This evening, Teddy had sarkily informed Harry that he hated peas, and that Harry knew that, and it was moronic that he would suggest that he ingest them. Severus bristled on Harry’s behalf, even as his infernal mind-voice suggested that he himself had been equally dismissive of Harry’s cooking when he’d tried to feed Severus porridge. As if that were the same thing…porridge was disgusting. Then, as Harry cheerfully made a stir fry, he asked Teddy if he wouldn’t mind setting the table. The child exploded. “Harry, I told you” he sniped. “I’m reading something!”

“I think it will still be there after dinner” Harry replied mildly.

Teddy roared. “Leave me alone, you…” his face worked as he attempted to think of a suitable insult. “arsehole!”

“Hey!” Harry protested, as Severus rose from his seat by the fire. Picking up the child by the scruff of the neck, he half dragged, half levitated the child up to his room.

“You’ll think about your disrespect to your godfather in your room. Each time your stomach growls, you’ll consider your behaviour, and whether such a boorish display was worth missing dinner over” Severus closed and warded the door, returning downstairs and sitting at the table.

What he wasn’t prepared for was a Harry who was vibrating with fury. “Professor, how dare you?” he asked, his voice trembling as much as his skinny frame. “You presume too much”

“Potter, if you’re not prepared to discipline your ward, then I won’t sit by and neglect the duty myself” he answered calmly. “You’re letting that child walk all over you, and I won’t see such a promising mind spoiled”

“Professor, with all due respect” Harry ground out, his tone implying that the respect due didn’t amount to much, “Teddy’s my responsibility. I don’t know why you think you know what you’re talking about”

“And shall we sit around and hope that another Dark Wizard comes along to scare some sense into young Mister Lupin?” Severus asked in cool tones.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Draco. Malfoy. That child was just as spoiled and indulged as Mister Lupin is. Admittedly, he’d never have gotten away with speaking to Lucius as Teddy does to you. You’re indulging Theodore in different ways from Draco, although just as severely. Surely you’re the first person to admit that Draco was a spoiled little shit in his Hogwarts days. It took the tyranny of the Dark Lord to teach Draco what his parents didn’t bother to do”

“This isn’t the same thing!” Harry protested weakly.

“It is exactly the same thing”

“Even if you were right, and I indulge Teddy too much, the punishment you gave him is…” Harry broke off and turned away.

“You object?”

“You’re damned right I object!”

“Why?” Severus’ strove to make his voice sound curious, not judgemental.

“I don’t want to talk about it”

“Humour me”

“Please don’t make me” For a moment, Harry looked so young. His eyes were enormous, and Severus was pretty sure he didn’t realize that his lower lip was trembling. His hands knotted in one another, and Severus could see that maintaining eye contact with his former professor was costing Harry.

“Did your aunt and uncle withhold food?” Harry’s eyes widened, and he staggered backwards.

“Don’t!” he cried. Severus suddenly realized that Harry thought he’d cast Legimens on him.

“Honestly, Harry, don’t be ridiculous. Your emotions are written all over your face, and it doesn’t take a Legimens to realize that this is more than an esoteric disagreement over punishment methods.”

“Oh” his voice was small, and his face flushed. “I apologize for jumping to the wrong conclusion.”

“Don’t be silly. A handful of years ago, it would have been the correct conclusion. But Harry?” Severus leaned a little closer to the man who had seemed to shrink away. “Look at me for a moment” Slowly, the captivating green eyes met his again. Severus briefly wondered when he’d stopped thinking of them as Lily’s eyes. “I promise you, Harry, I wouldn’t use magic on you. Not when you can’t defend yourself. You can rely on my word”

A beat of silence elapsed. Severus didn’t realize he was holding his breath. It had been an olive branch, albeit a tiny one, but the gesture of goodwill had cost Severus. Life had taught him that showing any vulnerability, even a minor act of kindness, allowed people to take advantage.

To his surprise, Harry gifted him with a smile that was only slightly wobbly on the edges. “Thank you. And yes, to answer your question, my Aunt and Uncle enjoyed depriving me of the necessities of life. Withholding meals for a minor infraction was a favourite punishment of my Aunt’s. I can remember lying in my cupboard, smelling the meals that they’d made me cook, and not being allowed to eat it. Sometimes, after a week or so, when I got too weak to be any good at my chores, they’d give me dog food. Sometimes I’d be desperate enough to eat it.”

At this, Severus heard himself give a small strangled sound, but before he could say anything, Harry continued “And I realize that this isn’t the same thing, not by a long shot. It just hits a little closer to home than I’d like.”

He stood and walked to the sink, taking a glass down from one of the upper cupboards and filled it with water. He drank the contents in one long swallow, his back to Severus. Placing two shaking hands on the counter on either side of the sink, Severus barely heard the next words. “You know, the Dursleys didn’t have a dog. And Aunt Marge’s dogs ate people food. So that means that they went out and especially purchased dog food, just to humiliate me.” After a long few minutes, where Harry seemed to be trying very hard to continue breathing smoothly, he turned and returned to the table and sat.

“I hate talking about that time” he said softly. “It’s embarrassing how much it still affects me. I know you taught me better, Professor. I’ve done my best to avoid wallowing in self-pity, but sometimes, it’s stronger than I am. I apologize that I’ve let you down in this area. I know you hated when I made excuses for my weaknesses”

Bollocks. Severus was tired, it had been a long day, and he’d wanted nothing more than dinner, a few glasses of brandy, and a book by the fire. But, since the day at the Burrow when he’d spoken to Arthur, he had known that this day was inevitable. Thus, Severus Snape spoke the words that he’d thought he’d never believe, let alone say out loud.

“I owe you” he paused and cleared his throat. “an apology, Harry. I was harder on you in your school days than I had any right to be. And I misjudged you, then, and possibly now as well.”

Harry’s mouth opened and shut, his forehead screwing up in confusion. At first, Severus thought that his apology wouldn’t be accepted, and he cursed himself for bothering. Finally though, Harry said “Sir, there’s no apology needed. I owe you my life. You pushed me to live up to my responsibilities, and cured me of a lot of my arrogance. I was too foolish, too immature to see it then, and I didn’t understand what incredible pressure you must have been under. No doubt your role in the war was difficult enough without having to chase a foolhardy little monster around the castle. In fact, I’ve never had the opportunity to thank you.”

“Your testimony, which kept me out of Azkaban, was thanks enough, Harry. Besides that, however, I feel rather terrible that I didn’t see how you were being treated at home. It’s inexcusable that the adults who were charged to care for you let you down.”

“Well, yes, they did, but that wasn’t your fault” Harry looked confused, upset.

“But Harry, we were also responsible for you. More so, in fact. If Dumbledore had known-“

“Oh, he did, sir”

“Pardon?” Severus stilled.

“Dumbledore knew what my home life was like. Not in explicit detail, but of course I told him. After the…well, after the Chamber, I begged him to let me stay in the Castle for the summer. I made a proper fool of myself. Nearly started crying. But of course he couldn’t let me. It wouldn’t have been fair to the other kids, and the blood wards…” Harry trailed off, seeming alarmed at the look on Severus’ face. “But you know all this, don’t you? Professor Dumbledore must have told you?”

“I knew nothing. It didn’t cross my mind until Draco mentioned that you’d had a somewhat…troubled upbringing.”

“Hmm. I wonder why he didn’t mention it. Ah well, if you didn’t know, how could you possibly have done something?” To Harry it seemed simple. It caused a stab of pain in Severus’ chest.

“You aren’t angry with him?”

A tilt of Harry’s head communicated his utter lack of understanding. “Why would I be angry, Professor? What else could he have done?”

Severus felt his temper rising, both at the Honorific that Harry seemed to insist on using as well as his sheer thickheadedness. “For goodness sake, call me Severus. It’s ridiculous, you insisting on calling me Professor.”

“Oh, alright…you never said to, before”

“Well, I’m saying it now. As for why you’re not angry with Albus, don’t you realize how he treated you?”

Harry smiled then “Severus, you really don’t have much faith in my intelligence, do you? Why don’t you say what you’re really asking? Did I realize that Dumbledore used me as a pawn, used the behaviour of my relatives as a lever to manipulate me? Did I know that he allowed me to bumble into all sorts of misadventures as a training ground to prepare me for the inevitable? Or do you really mean, did I realize that he used my capacity to love as a weapon?”

Severus felt his eyes widen. Harry sounded unemotional about the notion.

“Merlin, of course I know that. I didn’t perhaps, at the time. And there were times along the way that I couldn’t understand why he kept critical pieces of information from me until it was almost too late. I know that I was a pawn, a soldier.” Harry’s smile grew fonder. “But, I know that Albus loved me, as much as he was able to. Besides, what would you have him do? Would it have been better to let Voldemort win? You, of all people, know that he didn’t have a choice”

“The cost was too great” Severus finally said.

Harry shrugged. “I shudder to consider the cost if we’d done nothing.” He sat at the table for a few minutes more, idly playing with the salt and pepper shakers, his thoughts distant. “Severus, I find that I don’t really fancy eating dinner tonight. Would you mind terribly if I left you on your own?”

“Of course not” As Harry stood to leave, Severus said “One moment, Harry, if you please” Wandlessly, he summoned a plate and levitated a helping of the stir fry onto it. Placing a fork onto the plate, he handed it to him. “Take this to Teddy”

With soft eyes, Harry’s lips ghosted into a smile. “Thanks”

Severus sat quietly at the table into the night, thinking.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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