Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Vulpes	By : Relevant_Peach Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 8819 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters described here. I make no money from this work.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Severus stared into the eyes that had captivated him from Lily Evan’s vibrant, laughing face, and thought he might weep. “But…”

“No, sir. I know it’s a lot to take in, but it’s okay”

“Harry, it isn’t okay. How can you be so calm?”

“Well, it sort of ties things up neatly, doesn’t it? My parents sacrificed, died too young, left me to fend for myself. At least this way I’ll see them again. And…and Siri”. For a moment his face displayed raw anguish.

“Does Albus know all of this?”

Harry scoffed. “Who knows? Dumbledore seems to enjoy doling out information in bite-sized pieces. I’m sure he suspects. He knows that I’ll have to die, but he’s never told me about the Horcruxes.”

“Harry, it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to-”

“Sir, I do. Don’t you see? If there’s a way to end him, end this for good, it would be selfish to let people keep suffering. It’s going to get worse, this year. I have to end it soon.”

Severus’ mind was racing. “But perhaps there’s another way. I’ll begin researching…”

“Thank you, sir, but you have enough on your plate. You’ve already done so much for me. I appreciate you being here for me. Do you mind, if I come visit sometimes? Just to have a bit of peace?”

“My door is always open, Harry”

“Thank you, sir. I should get back before Ron and Hermione notice I’ve gone. Thank you, for the tea, and the talk”

He was gone before Severus could reply. Severus sat by the dying fire, watching the embers for a long time grappling with the news that Harry had shared, and with the stoic, calm way that he had come to terms with being a human sacrifice.

Harry’s visits, after that first night, weren’t predictable, exactly. He’d show up without warning, a tentative knock at the door. He often spent an entire night sitting quietly, not saying anything, as Severus read, or graded papers. Harry’s green eyes would watch him quietly, or he’d doze by the fire. It was companionable.

Severus began to notice Harry’s emotional stability in classes. Sometimes, he’d appear wild-eyed, overwhelmed by the chaos around him. Draco tormented him mercilessly, lobbing ingredients into Harry’s potions when Severus’ back was turned. The spectacular explosions that resulted had Harry cringing into the corners. Severus would award him detention on those days…not to punish him, but rather to grant him some respite from the melee swirling around him.

One such night, the banging on Severus’s office door was frantic, and when he called “Enter”, the door flew open, and Harry collapsed inside. He was panting, and his enormous eyes were luminous and glassy. “What is it?” Severus asked.

Harry shook his head, as though speaking were beyond him at the moment. He placed two shaking palms on his thighs and bent his head down into his robes. From across the room, Severus could see him trembling. Decision made, Severus was at his side in an instant. “Come” he said softly, taking one quivering arm and leading him to his quarters. When Harry was settled on the couch, and Severus had quietly summoned an elf to bring tea, he said “Harry. Breathe.” Harry was breathing, shuddering gasps that tore from his throat painfully. His panic seemed to be rising, if anything. Severus placed gentle hands on either side of the thin face. Pain-filled eyes shot up to meet Severus’ own.

“Shush. You’re safe. Breathe more slowly. Long breaths” Severus kept his voice quiet, as though he were taming a skittish horse. Harry’s eyes never left his as he struggled to control his gasping. His hands entwined themselves into the front of Severus’ robes and Harry buried his face into the fabric. Severus felt his arms surrounding the thin frame without his bidding.

Eventually, the storm passed, and with a long sigh, Harry released Severus’ (now rather rumpled) robes and sat back. “Thank you” he said. “And sorry.”

“Whatever is the matter, Harry?”

“I dunno” he sighed. “Sometimes it’s all a bit much.”

Severus nodded, watching Harry closely over his mug of tea.

“Every time I think I’ve come to terms with it all, something stupid happens and I realize that this…death sentence…it’s just tough. Take today. Nothing really happened. We were in Defence lessons, and Neville said something, and Ron said something back, and we were all laughing. And I looked around, at these people who mean the world to me. I don’t mind, dying to save them. I’m happy to do it. I know it’s worth it, that they’re worth it. I’d do anything to keep them safe.”

Harry absently toyed with the cuff of his robes. He was looking at his hands intently, as though they held answers. “But I realized that one day, when this is all over, my friends will be together, and happy, and laughing. And I just feel so left out. I’m so happy for them, that their lives will go on, and they’ll have children, and live long lives in a safe world. Does that make me a bad person? I once read something about how charity was only truly a good deed if it was given with no strings attached, no expectations. And I’m happy, whatever they do. If Ron wants to live off the Potter fortune and spend his days eating Bertie Botts Beans…that’s okay. I just wish I could do that with him. I wish I could see it happen.”

The eyes that lifted to meet Severus’ were bright with unshed tears. “Ginny asked me to go to Madame Puddifoot’s today.” He smiled. “I let her down easy, told her that I see her as a sister. It’s true, for what it’s worth. I’m not even interested in women, so I guess one good thing in all of this is that I don’t have to bother coming out to my friends.”

“Sir, I know I’m being inordinately shallow by getting upset about this sort of thing. Voldemort is murdering entire families, and I’m whining to my Professor because I’ll never get kissed. It’s so embarrassing.”

“Harry” Severus made his voice as gentle as he could possibly manage. “You must never apologize for what you’re feeling. You’ve been cheated out of so much in your short life, and you’re entitled to experience the loss of the things that you will miss in the future.” He smiled wryly. “But, you’re right in your relief about not having to confess your sexual orientation to your peers. It was, if I recall…and I do, vividly, one of the more excruciating moments of my adolescence.”

“Sir, you’re…”

“Yes Harry, like yourself, I’m not interested in women.”

“Thank you for telling me that. It makes me feel a little less alone. You are aware, aren’t you sir? How much it means to me to be able to escape here and speak to you?”

Severus only smiled. Harry spent a few more minutes, idly playing with his cuffs before standing and straightening the wrinkles of his robes. “I need to be going. I have a potions paper due tomorrow, and the Professor isn’t tolerant of shoddy work”

“That’s because the Professor knows just what you’re capable of, Harry. Goodnight.”

Harry gave him a dazzling smile before taking a breath, straightening his shoulders and leaving. As the door closed behind him, Severus warded them, and closed his floo. Then he placed his head in his hands and wept for a bright boy with snapping green eyes who wouldn’t live long enough to be kissed.

As the weather grew colder and the days shorter, the Castle seemed to go into hibernation. Weekends found many students cuddled under warm blankets, reading and playing exploding snap. Only the very hardy ventured outside at all, returning with bright pink cheeks and a vigour that seemed out of place amongst the dozy student body. Severus rather liked the period between November and Yule. Students seemed to be at their most pliant, and, outside of the odd Quidditch match that he needed to show his face at, he was free to spend his leisure researching.

The only student who seemed disconcerted by the weather was Harry. He hadn’t returned to Severus’ quarters since the night he’d collapsed in tears. Severus found himself looking up from his notes at the door, wishing for the quiet companionship of Harry’s pointed little face. He’d heard from Minerva that Harry had finally overcome his fear of transforming, and was now able to switch forms at will. One morning, as dawn was just breaking over the horizon, Severus found himself staring out a window from Albus’ office (he’d had a late night Revel with Voldemort, and had only returned to the castle some moments earlier via Albus' floo). He caught a flash of orange darting through the dusting of snow that had coated the grounds the night earlier. Harry was just at the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

A fairy had ventured out from the copse of trees, and had alighted onto to the snow beside him. Harry cocked his head at the tiny creature, whose wings fluttered wildly as she struggled to keep from sinking into the snow. Severus watched, charmed, as Harry’s front two paws hit the snow on either side of the fairy in a playful bow, casting a cloud of snow in the air. The fairy, cheeky in her own right, cast a cloud of flakes in Harry’s direction before alighting into the air. Harry leapt after her, his sharp little teeth bared, but the fairy was always one step ahead of him. As he jumped and twisted in the air, doing his level best to catch the creature, she managed to evade him every time, until, finally, having lured him to exactly where she wanted him, she lighted onto a pine bough, causing an enormous drift of snow to cover Harry completely. As he dug himself out of the drift, and shook his fur, the fairy laughed so hard she fell off her branch. Harry delicately dug her out of the snow and gently placed her onto a nearby rock. The fairy gave a pretty little curtsey, to which Harry bowed in return. As the fairy lit off again, disappearing amongst the trees, Harry turned and returned to the castle.

It had been a long night, and Severus was aching for his bed, but on impulse, he turned and intercepted Harry as he came through the enormous front doors. “Flash needed some air?” He asked, in low tones.

Harry’s smile was luminous. “Good morning, sir. You’re up early”

“As are you.”

“Restless” Harry offered. “I’ve had a lot on my mind”

Severus acknowledged this with a nod. “Harry, you know that if you need anything, you only need ask”

Harry considered this, his gaze searching Severus’ face for long enough that Severus grew uncomfortable. “Thank you, sir. I’ll keep that in mind”

When a knock sounded at his door the following night, Severus wasn’t terribly surprised to find that it was Harry. “Where’s your cloak?” He asked, as Harry ducked under his arm and into his sitting room.

“Forgot it” Harry said shortly. He seemed ablaze with an internal energy, as though his recent restlessness had reached a crisis point. He threw himself onto the sofa, his knee bouncing in agitation for a moment, before he leapt again to his feet and stalked to the bookcase, scanning the titles.

When he abandoned his search for reading material, and moved to the fireplace to inspect the few personal items on the mantle, Severus said “Harry, what is it? You seem very unsettled this evening”

Harry snorted out a sardonic little chuckle. “Yes sir, I’m quite unsettled. Dumbledore and I have been taking little field trips out of the castle.”

“Oh?”

“Horcrux hunting. He decided to tell me about the six that Voldemort intended to make. He didn’t mention that I’m one, of course, but he spun a lovely yarn about Voldemort’s plan, and benevolently offered that I could help him destroy them”

“And have you?”

“Yes sir. We got the last one last night. Killed Voldemort’s snake. Now all that’s left is…”

“You”

Harry nodded. His back remained away from Severus, but even from this distance, Severus could see the way that each muscle was taut. “Oh Harry” he said softly. “I am so sorry that you have to suffer this.”

“Me too” Harry said in a small voice. “It was a lot easier to deal with when the inevitable was further away. Now there’s nothing standing between me and the end. Sir? Do you think that the dead watch over the living? Do you think I'll be able to see what you're all doing?”

Severus sank into one of the armchairs that sat close to the fire, wondering fruitlessly what he could say to comfort this vibrant creature, so full of humour and joy. "Yes, Harry" he said quietly. "I think that you will."

“I imagine it will happen soon” Harry said, a little detached. “Voldemort always makes a big move at the end of the school year. And Dumbledore’s likely to start worrying that he’ll check up on one of the Horcruxes. He’s already likely panicking about his snake.”

“How did you…?”

“Albus had set up another set of guards on a room in the Department of Mysteries, and made sure that Lucius Malfoy caught wind of it. Voldemort cottoned on to the fact that we were guarding something, so he sent her into the Ministry again on a fact-finding mission. Except this time, Dumbledore was there, with the sword, and he killed her.”

Harry returned to the sofa again, crossing his legs, and wrapping himself in the blanket that Severus always kept there. His earlier agitation had dissipated, and he just appeared tiny and fragile. Severus watched him surreptitiously. Even when still, Harry was an active person. As he sat there, he flexed his joined hands, and when that didn’t give him comfort, wrapped his arms around himself, pulling the blanket closer.

“I was wondering” he said finally. “Do you think that the Horcrux could be destroyed if Dumbledore killed me with the sword?”

“Harry…”

“I know. It’s a lot to ask him. And someone would still need to go and kill Voldemort afterwards. It’s a selfish thing to ask, really”. Severus wondered if Harry realized that fat tears were rolling off his cheekbones, landing on the blanket. “It’s only…the thing that I’m most afraid of is how lonely it will be, when I have to face him. I’ve pictured it a lot. I imagine that he’ll have all of his Death Eaters there, laughing at me, and I don’t think that he’ll be the type to just cast the Killing Curse and end it quickly. Something tells me that he’s the sort of snake that likes to toy with his food”

The statement was bleak, and Severus, having witnessed evidence of that very thing, had no words of comfort. It would likely occur just as Harry was imagining it.

“I just wish that I could see some kind eyes when I was dying. I think that would make it better”

Harry regarded his lap for a few more moments before taking a huge breath. “Okay, that’s enough of that. Thank you for indulging my pity-party, sir”

Severus couldn’t help the incredulous laugh that escaped him. “Harry, if anyone is entitled to a little bit of dolour, this situation certainly warrants it”

Harry smiled at him, something unreadable in his expressive eyes. “I just need to make this last bit really count. Pack as many happy memories as I possibly can into the time I have remaining.” His smile brightened for a moment “Can I have some fire-whiskey?”

“At 7:30 in the morning?”

Harry shrugged. “I’ve never tried it”

Severus considered for a moment. Harry was sixteen, by no means of legal drinking age, and Albus would certainly not condone Severus providing him with liquor. On the other hand, it was a Sunday morning so Harry had no classes, and it was something that Severus could do. When faced with the overwhelming helplessness of Harry’s fate, he couldn’t resist. “Very well. You’ll forgive me if I don’t join you, though”

Harry beamed at him. “This is going to be excellent” he predicted. Severus summoned a glass and poured a generous three fingers from the bottle. Harry regarded it with delight. He raised his glass in Severus’ direction and said “Your good health, sir.” To Severus’ horror, he then proceeded to tip the entire contents of the glass into his grinning mouth.

The ensuing coughing fit did little to diminish Harry’s enthusiasm. “Let’s have another!” he said brightly.

Severus felt his lips curve into a smile in spite of himself. “I think not, considering that you were meant to sip that one”

“Spoilsport” Harry grumbled, without heat. They sat companionably enough for a while, until Harry, restless again, leapt to his feet. He reeled a moment and then gave Severus a lopsided grin “Oh. That was different”

“Foolish child” Severus said, standing and steadying him. “We should get some food into you before you go wandering the corridors. Albus will have my job if anyone sees you in this state”

“Severus” Harry said suddenly. Severus started, both from the unexpected use of his first name as well as the tone of Harry’s voice. Before he knew what was happening, Harry’s hand came up to cup his chin and he found himself being firmly kissed. Severus gasped, and Harry took this as an invitation to explore Severus’ mouth with his tongue. Severus responded without thinking, carding his fingers through Harry’s soft hair and returning the kiss.

A little whimper of pleasure from Harry restored Severus’ rational thought, however, and he broke the kiss and pushed away. Harry’s eyes were enormous, his pupils dilated and his expression dreamy, his lips wet and red. He was captivating.

And, he was a sixteen-year-old student. Severus firmed his expression. “Harry, what on earth were you thinking?”

Harry’s expression faltered a bit. “I just thought…” he ducked his head down, and Severus couldn’t hear the rest of what he said.

“Harry”. When the head remained downcast, he said “Look at me”

Tortured green eyes finally came to meet his. “I wanted to be kissed before I died” he whispered. “I wanted to imagine what it was like to be wanted.”

Before Severus could answer him, Harry pulled out of Severus’ arms and ran for the door, with a choked “I’m sorry” trailing after him.

Muttering a curse word, Severus tore after Harry, who was already disappearing down the corridor. “Harry!” Severus shouted as he ran, but as Harry neared the end of the corridor, he transformed into his fox form, and disappeared from sight.

Severus raced after him, panicked. In their upset, neither man noticed Draco watching from the shadows.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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