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The Yankees Nephew and the Philosophers Stone	By : Wilde_Guess Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 5806 -:- Recommendations : 5 -:- Currently Reading : 5
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter Universe I am making no money from this fanfiction

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Chapter 7. Getting Things Sorted, Settled, and Unsettled.

The door opened briskly to reveal Professor Minerva McGonagall. David noticed that she looked just slightly happier than normal. He was generally on cordial terms with the Transfiguration Professor and Deputy Headmistress. Along with his family, he had even attended her marriage earlier that summer. But unlike with Hagrid, he decided that it was neither the time nor the place to greet her directly. She was well known for maintaining a stern, professional bearing, especially around first year students.

Hagrid reported, “The firs’ years, Professor McGonagall.”

“Thank you, Hagrid, I’ll take them from here.”

Turning her attention to the gathered (mostly) eleven year olds, she stated, “Welcome to Hogwarts! Please follow me,” while opening the doors wide.

The students followed her through the entrance hall. David thought to himself, “Looks even bigger at night. In the daytime, I could fit Number Four, Number Two, and their gardens in here with room left over.”

The walls were made of hewn stone. The floor of flagstone was worn smooth by almost a thousand years of use. Torches illuminated the entrance hall well, but the light didn’t quite make it to the ceiling. The marble main staircase faced the entry doors. Two doors flanked a hallway to their left, with the entrance to the Great Hall to their right.

Professor McGonagall led the first years into a waiting room across from the Great Hall. After making sure she had all of them in the room with her, she told them what would happen in the next few minutes. The first years were only slightly crowded, in no small part thanks to the war that had only just ended.

“The start-of-term banquet will begin soon. Before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses, so you will know where to sit. You will share most of your meals seated with your housemates. You will also attend classes with them, share dormitory and common rooms with them, and spend most of your free time with them as well. Your house will become something like family to you within the walls of Hogwarts, so the Sorting Ceremony is very important.

“The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history, and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards through the centuries. While at Hogwarts, your achievements will earn you house points, and your misbehaviour will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points earns the House Cup, which is a great honour. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.

“The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of your peers. I suggest smartening yourselves up as best as you can while you wait here quietly. I shall return when we are ready for you.”

Professor McGonagall closed the door behind her as she left. The students started talking quietly amongst themselves for a few minutes, until several students at the back of the room screamed. Over twenty ghosts had passed through the wall and into the students’ waiting room. Pearly white and slightly translucent, they glided across the room talking to one another and hardly glanced at the first years.

Seeing two of his friends in the group, David loudly greeted, “Good evening, school and house ghosts. And Sir Nicholas, isn’t ‘scaring the ickle firsties’ just a little bit boring to you after all these years?”

Sir Nicholas De Mimsy-Porpington replied, “Not at all ‘scholar Dvorak.’ You find your amusement where you can, after all. At least the Baron has banished Peeves to the Astronomy Tower for the evening so we real ghosts can enjoy the feast.”

“He isn’t really all that bad, Sir Nicholas. And it’s not like we can enjoy the food, we only enjoy the company of the students and staff.”

“My good Friar, Peeves is a poltergeist, and an ill-tempered one at that. His pranks are more hurtful than funny, and he only gives us real ghosts a bad name.”

David interjected, “Dominus vobiscum, Father Tuck.”

The Hufflepuff House Ghost answered in kind, “Et cum spiritu tuo, young David. Still hoping for Gryffindor, are you?”

“Yes, Father; though I’ll be more than happy to accept a Hufflepuff’s invitation to hear you speak in their common room. And I will be honored to join whichever house I’m sorted into.”

Professor McGonagall returned at that moment and instructed, “Move along now, the Sorting is about to start.” While the ghosts streamed through the walls unimpeded, she instructed the first years, “Now form a line and follow me.”

The students formed a somewhat alphabetical single-file line of ninety-one students and followed the Professor into the Great Hall. The Great Hall was truly great in size as well as in decoration. David looked up to see that the ceiling actually matched the night sky at the moment, despite being neither glazed nor gone. The hall was illuminated by hundreds of floating candles, enchanted to not only float but to avoid dripping melted wax onto whatever or whomever was below them. Four long tables ran the length of the hall. Each table seated all the students assigned to one particular house. To David’s left were Slytherin closest to the entryway, and Ravenclaw closest to the centre isle. To his immediate right was Hufflepuff, with Gryffindor closest to the far wall. At the front of the Great Hall, the high table for the Professors and staff was on an elevated dais adjoining the main Hall floor. Hagrid was already seated to David’s far right, along with the rest of the staff minus Professor McGonagall.

While the line of first years quietly got more and more alphabetical, Professor McGonagall fetched a four-legged stool from the entrance wall end of the high table and brought it to the front of the line of students. On the stool sat a very dilapidated and soiled wizard’s brimmed hat. The hat appeared to be at least as old as the school, and it actually was slightly older than Hogwarts Castle, since the founders ensorcelled it when Hogwarts was a collection of huts and longhouses surround by a palisade.

The brim of the hat opened, the hat bowed its tip towards the students, and it began to sing a poem.

Almost a thousand years ago, the Hogwarts Founders Four
Ensorcelled me, that I would see the students they’d adore…

The hat chanted thusly for about a minute or two, explaining that Slytherin students were supposed to be ambitious and cunning; Ravenclaws were supposed to be devoted to knowledge and study, that Hufflepuffs were supposed to be loyal and hard workers, and that Gryffindor students were supposed to be brave and valiant. Even the first years applauded the hat’s efforts.

Professor McGonagall, now holding a parchment list of all the first years and other new-to-Hogwarts students announced, “When I call your name, you will sit on the stool and put on the Sorting Hat. The Hat will announce the house where you are sorted. This is for all students who are joining us this year, including any late-starts and the two transfer students from Ilvermorny. Your Head of House will inform you what year’s classes you will be attending no later than when the class schedules are handed out at breakfast tomorrow morning.

“Abbot, Arnold”

“Hufflepuff!”

Each time Professor McGonagall announced a name, the student would sit upon the stool, wear the Sorting Hat, and be sorted loudly by the Hat into their respective house.

“…Daley, Thomas”

“Gryffindor!...”

David barely had time to sigh in relief before Professor McGonagall called out, “Dvorak, Abner”

A.D. was nervous, but hid it well as he strode up to the stool and placed the Sorting Hat on his head. He barely got comfortable before the Hat loudly asked, “Since when are we admitting Floyds, especially since they have a school in their own lands?”

Professor Dumbledore admonished, “We’ve already discussed this. Any Floyds or Dvoraks who wear you tonight are Hogwarts Students, and you will sort them to the one house that best fits them.”

The Hat loudly answered, “Well, this one is more than brave enough for Gryffindor, since he kept his wits about him.”

Knowing who would be called next, David was already most of the way to the stool when Professor McGonagall called out, “Dvorak, David.”

He sat down and placed the hat upon his head. He heard the Hat speak directly into his mind, “It’s actually interesting to meet you this evening, David. I was in Headmaster Dumbledore’s office when you were examining the Royal Charter, but you paid me no mind. But where to sort you?”

David answered mentally, “If you can hear me like this, please let me know. I believe I would do best in Gryffindor, but I would do well in any house other than maybe Slytherin. Slytherin House is a great house. But with Voldemort recruiting most heavily there, I believe that I would not be particularly welcome.”

The Hat replied, “I can hear you fine, David. And I was thinking of Ravenclaw for you, not Slytherin. But I also sense that your bravery and passion would be a poor fit for them. So, I’m sorting you into…”

“Gryffindor!” the Hat finished loudly to David’s relief.

The hat continued sorting as Professor McGonagall named each student.

“…Floyd, Andres”

“…Gryffindor!”

“…Stock, Joseph”

“Gryffindor!” the Hat announced with almost no pause.

“Stock, Maxwell”

“Gryffindor!” the Hat proclaimed again.

“…Tyler, Emily” Professor McGonagall called as the nosy girl from the train station was seated on the stool. The Hat examined her for mere moments before proclaiming her a “Gryffindor!”

…”Weasley, William” was the last student to sort that year.

Bill nervously took his seat and put the hat on his head. The Hat opined in Bill’s mind, “Another generation of Weasleys starts attending here. Relax, child; you are every bit a Weasley, so I will sort you into…”

“Gryffindor!” the Hat finished aloud. Bill stood in relief as he put the hat back onto its stool and sat down at the Gryffindor table with his friends from the train.

Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall rolled up the parchment scroll of student names, and removed the Sorting Hat and Sorting Stool from the Great Hall.

Headmaster Dumbledore stood up, his arms spread in welcome, and his face in an expression of pure joy to see the first school year to start in peacetime in twelve years. He told the gathered students, “Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we start our banquet, there are a few words I’d like to say. But, you’re too hungry to remember them, so let the feast… begin!”

The students all applauded while the house elves sent the food up to the tables from the kitchens below. Among the first years, even David was surprised at the service, while the older students accepted it as par for the course, and started to serve themselves from the many platters of delicious food on offer.

Bill told his fellow first years, “They’ll send soup or a salad up if you ask for it nicely, but most students want to get to the main courses, so the house elves skip soups, salads, and the like in favor of what they know from experience we’ll actually eat.” True enough, there were no canapés, salads or bisques; but there were a lot of platters of steak and kidney pie, carved roast beef, carved ham, mashed potatoes with and without turnips mashed in with them, steamed and roasted vegetables, and every other manner of delectable food, oddly including mint humbugs.

Third year student Angelica Cole told the first years, “The mint humbugs are supposed to be for afters, but they always show up with the main course. Just set a few beside your plate on a serviette ‘till then.”

Another Gryffindor rudely asked, “Hey, David, you aren’t gonna be the next Gilderoy Lockhart, are you?”

David briskly replied, “I’d have to know what a ‘Gilderoy Lockhart’ was in order to answer your question.

Angelica retorted, “Lighten up, Francis! And David, Gilderoy Lockhart was part of the ‘Defective Duo’ from Ravenclaw, along with last year’s Head Boy Quirinus Quirrell. Quirrell was nice, and very smart; even if he wasn’t the strongest card in the deck. Lockhart was a legend in his own mind, and if actual talent were dynamite, he wouldn’t have been able to blow his nose—but oh, how he would be able to make up excuses for it while boasting of his superiority and greatness! Quirrell might come back in two years to teach Muggle Studies when our current teacher retires. We’d love to have Lockhart come back as a urinal.”

David sighed and informed his fellow Gryffindors listening, “Naah, I’m just a singer in a rock and roll band, and I’m here to learn magic just like the rest of you.”

This unexpectedly got a round of laughter and applause from all the students who heard it. “What did I say?” asked David in confusion.

Bill supplied the answer, “Mate, you just quoted your band’s favorite cover without even thinking ‘bout it, your bass guitar duet with Michael at Chudley Stadium ran over half an hour without boring anyone, and you sang the lead that night where Michael normally does. Figure it out yet?”

“So now it’s ‘pick on the silver-eyed ginger kid night?’”

“Not really” A.D. offered. “It’s like Michael and Danny keep telling us. We’re ‘celebrities,’ now. So everyone’ll take the piss the first chance they get ‘till they get to know us and discover that we’re real people. ‘Sides, this Lockhart guy sounds like his head is so far up his ass that he tastes his lunch three times, and he probably couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.”

After another round of laughter, lighter conversation was held as dinner transitioned to “pudding,” with an amazing variety of treats on offer. They even had “American style” puddings alongside Jello, ice creams, and assorted pies. Eventually, the students had had their fill of pudding too, so the plates disappeared back down to the kitchens.

Professor Dumbledore stood up to speak, and the Great Hall fell silent.

“I have a few start-of-term notices to give you.

“The forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils unless accompanied by a Professor or member of staff for school purposes.

“Magic is not to be used between classes in the corridors. Mr. Filch, our caretaker, also has a list of banned magical items posted next to the door to his office. Please make sure you do not have any of those items here.

“Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for his or her house team should contact Madam Hooch, the flying instructor. First years may apply to try out for their house Quidditch team after their first flying lesson with Madam Hooch’s permission. However, you will be competing with current team members, along with anyone else interested in playing up to and including seventh year students. You will also have to try out using a school-supplied broom rather than having your parents send your broom here.

“And now, before we go to bed, let us all sing the school song!” Professor Dumbledore finished, to the groans of David and Bill.

“So, you know the school song?” Angelica asked, even while Professor Dumbledore conjured a floating ribbon with the lyrics.

“I’ve heard of it” David complained.

Dumbledore announced, “Everyone pick their favourite tune, and off we go!”

Even with enrolment down because of the freshly ended war, there were still in excess of seven hundred students, with no two students choosing the same melody to sing, and more than a few student being unable to sing well in the first place. After the morale-boosting tomfoolery that was also an aural assault on David’s sensibilities came to its conclusion several minutes later, Dumbledore dismissed the students.

“Music has a magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime for all of you. First years, follow your fifth year prefects to your house dormitories. Off you trot!”

David and the rest of the first year Gryffindors followed the two fifth-year prefects from their house. While they did take a longer way to the Gryffindor Tower than the upper classmen, it wasn’t that much longer. They stopped at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, which instead of a normal door was closed by a large-door-life-size portrait of a middle-aged somewhat attractive yet also very fat woman wearing a pink silk dress. The woman in the portrait challenged, “Password?”

“Fortuna Major,” the boy prefect pronounced. The portrait swung open towards the students, revealing the open entryway to the Gryffindor Common Room. The first years, including David’s multi-year party, entered to find Professor McGonagall in the common room, with the last of their upperclassmates ascending one of the two stairways up to the student dormitory rooms.

The Professor told them, “If you did not share a compartment with David Dvorak, you may go up to your bedrooms now. The doors are clearly marked, and your trunks will already be at your assigned bed. Girls take the stairway to the left, and boys the stairway to the right. Each dorm room has an ensuite washroom should you need it. Goodnight.”

“The seven of you including David are not in any trouble. However, you will at least for the first few nights, be sharing the same bedroom. Mr. Daley, you appeared to get along with the other boys. Is this in fact true?”

Tom answered, “Of course I get along with them, Professor. Is this because of their music stuff?”

Seeing that the other Gryffindor students took the subtle hint to go to bed and not eavesdrop, Professor McGonagall cast a light Muffilato charm on the two stairways before she answered. “That’s part of it. Mr. Andy Floyd will also need help with his coursework. He has not only started school late, but he also has a vision problem that cannot be treated with glasses or potions. Nonetheless, he has a near-genius I.Q., and is at least above average in magical strength and potential. So, if he applies himself, with your help, he should be able to advance at least one year, if not two or three. While he will probably still be older than his peers by the time he sits for his NEWTs, we would like to see Andy come as close to ‘catching up’ as he is able to do.

“The last two things I need to tell the two of you before you go to bed concern history. Except for Mr. Daley and Mr. Weasley, all of you will need to sit both the UK and MaCUSA History OWLs. To continue to NEWT level in History, you will need to achieve an “Acceptable” grade or better on both OWLs. Since you are being educated in the UK, you need to pass the UK History tests, and since you are Americans, you will also need to pass the MaCUSA tests.

“Finally, to be blunt, Hogwarts’ History Program of Instruction is not our strong suit, or even a weak one. You will only receive forty-five minutes of classroom instruction per week this year. And while I normally avoid criticizing my staff in front of students, Professor Cuthbert Binns was dead even when he was still alive, and he’s been dead and teaching as a ghost since before Headmaster Dumbledore was a student.

“A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot is a very good textbook. It covers Magical History in the UK up to the NEWT level, and it’s geared equally well for self-study as it is for instructor-led teaching. Miss Bagshot is quite elderly and doesn’t get out much. But her mind is still razor-sharp, and she will answer polite letters if the questions are not easily answered by reading her works. In fact, she’s told me that she’s already exchanged letters with you, Mr. David Dvorak.”

“We have exchanged letters, and I hope to continue doing so, Professor. It was her I’d first written to when researching the Hogwarts Royal Charter. I wasn’t certain which King of Alba would have issued a Royal Charter before we corresponded, even while quickly studying the Muggle Histories of the kings of the time. Logically speaking, Hogwarts had to have a Royal Charter; the school was always too important not to have one. Since Hogwarts is in Scotland, it would be the King of Alba or the King of the Scots to issue it. And since Hogwarts had already existed for roughly seven hundred years before the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy came into effect, there was no way for Hogwarts to not get a Royal Charter.

“When Miss Bagshot told me that Headmistress Hufflepuff sent her Potions Master, Potions Apprentice, and Divination Professors to aid Macbeth, I knew then which king I was looking for. While Hogwarts has kept much better records than the Scottish Government, they were filed entirely by year. The Royal Charter was filed with other documents from 1040, such as student rosters and commissary reports. Those few people to search the records up to now had searched from the time of the founding under Headmistress Ravenclaw. So, they were off by fifty years.”

David stopped enthusing and blushed deep purple. Professor McGonagall stated, “You needn’t be ashamed of your enthusiasm for History, Mr. David Dvorak. But you will need to lower the bar into the dungeons in order to get through Professor Binns’ classes, while saving your enthusiasm for study groups, where your particular schedule allows.

“As for your actual years; Mr. Joe Stock, you’re in third year. Your electives of Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, and Muggle Studies are approved. Mr. Max Stock, you’re in second year. The rest of you are first years. Though if you’re starting late, I encourage and will guide you in ‘catching up’ with your age-peers if you have the talent and ability to do so. I expect to see you all at breakfast in the morning for your schedules, and for the first years, I will also expect to see you in Transfiguration on time at 9:55 tomorrow morning. Good night to all of you.”

As Professor McGonagall walked out of the common room to head to her home, David decided to get cheeky. He told his head-of-house, “Be sure to give Mr. Urquart my regards, Ma’am.”

She quipped in reply, “I am like either of your fathers, David; you only play me to lose. But Elphinstone will still appreciate your regards, since he isn’t teaching you. You should spend less time with your Uncle Padfoot and more with your Uncle Moony. Good Night, David.”

Once the seven boys were alone in the common room, Joe asked, “What was that about, and what were you thinking winding up our head of house?”

David chuckled and replied, “Professor McGonagall is a ‘friend of the family,’ and no, any ‘special treatment’ she might give us will be bad, not good. But, I can keep from getting her back up where she has to ‘do something’ about it, and I trust you guys to keep up. ‘Uncle Padfoot’ is Auror Sirius Black, and ‘Uncle Moony’ is Remus Lupin. If you haven’t met the two men yet, you will if you stick with me. Both men are friends of the family and honorary uncles.

“We don’t want to mention either man anywhere where it will get back to Professor Snape, the Potions Master. Professor Snape was in the same year here as them, and he did not get along with either Uncle Padfoot or Uncle Moody at all. In fact, he hates their guts even now. He wasn’t exactly friends with Mom, either, though he was friends with Aunt Lily.”

The boys walked up the stairway to the right, discovering that their dorm room was the first one they encountered. They entered it to discover their belongings at the end of seven four-poster beds with bed curtains closing each bed off for some privacy. Just inside the entrance to their left was a lavatory and shower room big enough to accommodate all seven boys at once if needed. The bunks from closest to farthest were for Tom, Bill, Joe, Max, Andy, David, and A.D. at the far end next to the window for their room. Each bed also had a wardrobe to the left with a combo nightstand and small bookcase to the right.

As all seven boys looked around, David remarked, “It looks like the house-elves can pick up a lot of stuff quickly. A.D., until you master the smoke-banishing spell, you will only smoke when I’m awake to keep you from gassing us out. And, you’ll also sit on the stool next to the window to smoke. You will not smoke in bed. I don’t want you to set your bed on fire, especially not in a room where I’m also expected to sleep.”

While A.D. lit up next to the now-open window, he replied, “No biggs, David. You think that my Dad would even let me smoke in my bedroom? ‘Course not! I was lucky he even let me smoke in the house. ‘Sides, with your ballet stretching, you’ll either be up later than me or get up before me anyhow.”

Tom asked incredulously, “Ballet stretching?”

Resignedly, David replied, “Yeah. When I was almost five, I saw a ballet on TV, and I was hooked on it ever since. I’ve taken some lessons, but I’m more self-taught. My style is a hybrid Vaganova-Cecchetti form, which places a much greater emphasis on upper body strength and balanced strength than the Classic French form. I’m not sure how good I am at it, but I also have no intention of trying to do ballet professionally. Ballet dancers earn less money than dishwashers, and have to constantly stab each other in the back to get those crappy paying jobs.”

Tom asked, “Do you dance on the ends of your toes like the girls do?”

“Guys and girls both do that, and it’s called dancing en pointe. Girls can start as young as eleven if they’ve taken regular lessons, but boys need to wait until they’re at least twelve or thirteen. The reason for the wait is that your foot bones don’t get strong enough any earlier, and you also need to have taken lessons and practiced regularly so that your foot muscles are strong enough to protect your foot bones when doing pointe work. Otherwise, you fuck your feet up.”

The boys, as of one accord, were changing from their uniforms into pyjamas even while A.D. smoked and David stretched. Tom asked, “And you’ve mentioned ‘house elves’ again. What are they?”

A house-elf showed themselves in the room, startling everyone except for David and Bill. The creature appeared somewhat older yet fit for its race. It only stood about two and a half feet tall, with long feet and hands, spindly limbs, and a head that appeared to be rather large for the rest of its body. It had proportionately large bat-wing like ears, almost no hair to speak of, and was wearing a pair of tea-towels with the Hogwarts Crest embroidered onto them, in the form of a tabard.

The house-elf stated, “My name is Athelstan. I am the assistant Chief House-Elf of Ilvermorny Academy. Headmaster Lambkins sent me here with Headmaster Dumbledore’s permission to help Joe, Max, and their American friends settle in better to Hogwarts. We American House-Elves are more independent than our British cousins, so we’re supposedly less ‘startling’ to young humans who haven’t been raised benefiting from the service of our kind.

“Our race was deliberately bred by human wizards from wild brownies for increased intelligence and loyalty to the humans we choose to serve. Part of our sustenance comes from our loyalty bond to the family or structure and occupants we serve, drawing ambient human magic to tame our own. British House-Elves tend to have much tighter loyalty bonds and oaths that we American Elves, but we American Elves still earn our keep! British Elves almost always speak in the third person, frequently use bad English on purpose to display their servitude, and the like.

“Hogwarts and Ilvermorny both have many house-elves to do the service work around our schools, such as doing student laundry, preparing meals, cleaning, and so on. We American Elves, even while being free, give our loyalty to the places or families we serve, and draw the ambient magic we crave in return. We’re also paid money. But since our compensation always includes meals, shelter, and uniforms, along with the human magic we need to keep our magic stable, we don’t need much. British Elves carry much tighter bonds, and the only way to sunder those bonds is for the master of the family or place we serve to give us clothes. And beyond the Hogwarts elves, they would typically be insulted if you offered them money. We American Elves normally dress mostly the same way wizards and witches do, though we usually don’t wear shoes because our feet aren’t made to be enclosed in them. British Elves dress the way I’m dressed now, and as a rule only wear proper clothing in shame for being discharged by their masters. And, before you ask, only the Headmaster of Hogwarts can dismiss a Hogwarts House-Elf; though their bond to Hogwarts is more like the American bond anyway.”

Joe exclaimed, “Athelstan, it’s great to see you again! You still subbing for Professor Clark in Magical Theory?”

Athelstan grunted in disgust before retorting, “Obviously not at the moment, they hired a Wizard as a temp for the year. Did you think the Pukwudgies would lend a hand? Really? They only work at the school because they’ve always worked at the school. And nothing bitches about having to work for others nearly as well as a Pukwudgie.”

“What’s a ‘Pukwudgie?’” Tom asked.

Max supplied, “Other than the name for one of Ilvermorny’s houses, they’re distant cousins to European Goblins, and somewhat resemble them. They will work or help wizards out, but like Athelstan said, they’ll never stop bitching about it. They’ll pretend that helping you is the last thing on Earth they want to do, even if they really want to help you. And while they’ll ‘accept’ a ‘human’ name to be addressed by, they actually have names in their own language, which they share with no one other than their fellow Pukwudgies.

“A Pukwudgie who accepted the human name of William actually helped found Ilvermorny, and protected the school when it was attacked by Gormlaith Gaunt.”

“The inglorious bastard still accepts Ilvermorny’s coin every year, along with a tribe of his descendants and cousins, bitching all the while” Athelstan added sardonically. “The old bastard was already an old bastard when I was born at Ilvermorny, and I just turned one hundred thirty last May. The Pukwudgies maintain and repair the buildings and grounds as well as provide security to the school and entire campus. They bitch, and bitch, and bitch about the gold not being worth their time, or fairly compensating them for their efforts. But every August fifteenth, the whole tribe of ‘em still present themselves to Headmaster Lambkins to accept their coin and instructions for the year.

“And yes, that makes William over three hundred years old. He is quite old for his race, but they can live to four hundred or older before dying of old age, the same way my race can live to two hundred or more, or a wizard living that long, or a no-Maj living to one hundred. Outliers all, but perfectly natural.”

While A.D. finished his cigarette and got into bed, he asked, “Can Pukwudgies carry wands? Or, are they banned like the Goblins?”

Athelstan chuckled before replying, “Good question. Goblin wand ownership in MaCUSA is regulated by region, not the MaCUSA Federal Government. So, Goblins can own and use wands, and use them quite well -- in the Northeast and Midwest, but not elsewhere. Pukwudgies aren’t even mentioned in the law, since they’re very traditional, and their traditions don’t include personal wand use. But the Pukwudgies are the ones who help new students at Ilvermorny get chosen by their wands in the Hall of Wands.

“Any Pukwudgie who wanted to could not only obtain a wand at Ilvermorny, they could also enroll as students. But, none of them ever have. Wanded magic just isn’t how they wish to use magic, whatever they can do. House elves can own and use wands in the Northeast and Midwest, too. But, our own magic suits us much better, and also doesn’t need, or oftentimes even cooperate with wanded magic use. So, if you see either a Pukwudgie or a house elf with a wand, chances are really good that the wand belongs to someone else.

“And here, of course, UK Ministry Law prohibits wand use or ownership by full-blooded non-human magic users altogether. Professor Flitwick is only part Goblin, so he attended Ravenclaw back in the day, and is the Charms Master and Ravenclaw Head of House today. Likewise, Mr. Hagrid was a student here back in the 1940s, because he’s only a half-Giant.

“So, if I still owned a wand for example, I couldn’t take it legally into the Southeast district of MaCUSA, and I absolutely couldn’t bring it with me here.”

Bill quietly exclaimed, “You owned a wand?”

“Of course I did, Bill. When I was a young elf, I was one of the first house elves to buy a wand once they became legal for house elves to own. Figuring out why the God-forsaken stick refused to work properly for me, even while it bonded to me, is what drove me to get a “Wizarding” education and become certified as a teacher! I can teach Magic Theory, MaCUSA and world Magical History, Ancient Runes, Arithmancy, Muggle Studies, Wizarding Culture, Care of Magical Creatures, Latin, and Herbology. I can’t teach Charms, Transfiguration, and Defense, but only because wands don’t work correctly for me. My knowledge of the theory is at mastery level. Likewise, I can’t teach Potions since House Elf magic doesn’t infuse correctly into the potions. And since most methods used by non-seers in Divination barely work with human magic and not at all for House Elf magic, I can’t teach that, either.”

Seeing his human audience fully changed into pyjamas and nearly dozing off Athelstan concluded by telling them, “Tomorrow will still show up on time, however little sleep you get between now and then. Unless you have further questions, I’ll see you sometime tomorrow, then?”

After receiving nods and “okays” of agreement, Athelstan left their room. The boys got into bed and almost instantly fell asleep.

§§§

The boys received their schedules from Professor McGonagall during breakfast Thursday morning. Afterwards, Joe and Max headed off to their third and second year classes while the other five boys headed off to first year Charms with the Slytherins.

Because of the recently ended war, the Slytherin first years were at least somewhat subdued as they and the Gryffindors filed into the classroom to meet Professor Flitwick. The professor had the stature of a middle-aged Goblin, but otherwise only vaguely resembled one. He was also a cheerful and enthusiastic teacher who was well experienced in teaching magical subjects.

Despite the period being all lecture, the entire class was spellbound by Professor Flitwick’s presentation, and the forty-five minutes seemed to almost fly by, even while the class listened raptly and took notes.

The Gryffindors barely made it into Transfiguration on time, meeting up with the first year Hufflepuffs as they came up from the dungeons where their first class was Potions with Ravenclaw. None of the badgers were particularly happy, apart from being happy to escape the Potions lab. They were also quite generous with their opinions of their new Potions professor, even as they joined the Gryffindors taking seats in the Transfiguration classroom.

Tiring of the complaining, no matter how warranted it might have actually been, David sternly exclaimed; “Enough! Professor Snape is a probably a harsh teacher, I won’t be able to say myself before lunchtime tomorrow. Just the same, build a bridge and get over it! Professor Snape was certified a Potions Master at the age of nineteen, the youngest to be certified so far this century. He was also hired in 1981 over several older applicants, because he is that good at Potions. And he still has his OWL Year and both NEWT years worth of students who remember him as a fellow student, so he won’t allow any students to even look like they’re ‘pushing him around.’

“On top of that, he teaches one of the two most dangerous subjects taught in this school today, with Transfiguration being the other one. So, if you entered his lab thinking that you were attending ‘Magical Cooking 101,’ or ‘magic so easy a Squib could do it,’ be thankful that he didn’t harvest you for potions ingredients.”

Tom tugged David’s sleeve and stammered, “C-C-C-Cat!” while pointing at a very unhappy looking grey tabby cat perched on Professor McGonagall’s desk.

David calmly assured him, “I know, Tom. I don’t think anyone else does, though.”

Emily Tyler decided to take the piss with Tom, chanting, “Looka dat, looka dat; who’s afraid of the puddy tat!”

“That would be sane first year Transfiguration students wishing to be second year Transfiguration students in a year’s time; Miss Tyler” David quipped sardonically.

Completing David’s point, the grey tabby leapt off of her desk, regaining her human form of Professor McGonagall in mid air. The professor stated acerbically, “That will be one point from Hufflepuff each for disturbing my class with criticisms of a fellow professor, said complaints being properly registered through your own Head of House first.”

After the twenty-four Hufflepuffs quit groaning in dismay, Professor McGonagall added, “And that will be twenty-four points from Miss Tyler for publicly disparaging a fellow Gryffindor. And twenty-five points to Mr. David Dvorak for a well-reasoned defense of a Hogwarts Professor, and five points to Mr. Daley for being observant of his surroundings and not retaliating in kind towards another student who derided him.

“As Mr. Dvorak alluded to, Transfiguration is some of the most complex and dangerous magic you will learn here. If you mess around in my class, you will leave and not come back. You have been warned.”

The professor effortlessly transfigured her desk into a large live Berkshire pig. She reversed the transfiguration after a moment to the applause of all the students.

The next fifteen minutes of lecture made it clear to the students that they wouldn’t be transfiguring furniture into live animals any time soon. Professor McGonagall had a gift for keeping a class engaged, quiet and on task taking notes.

The class spent the last twenty-five minutes trying to transfigure wooden matchsticks into sewing needles. Out of the entire class; only David, Bill, Andy, and A.D. managed to accomplish anything. David’s and Bill’s sewing needles were flawless, Andy’s looked slightly rusty if not slightly wooden still, and A.D.’s needle’s eye wasn’t fully opened. She assigned everyone else twenty-four inches on how the transfiguration was supposed to work, due the following Thursday. She held all five of “David’s crew” after while releasing the rest of the students for their pre-lunch free period.

She told the five boys, “You are not in trouble. And the only reason I didn’t announce your success to your fellow students is that the four of you who completed or mostly completed the transfiguration have been receiving formal or semi-formal practical training for several months; training the other students in your class here haven’t received.

“What did the five of you think of your Charms class earlier this morning?”

David summed up the feeling of his friends by answering, “Not bad. Professor Flitwick is an engaging lecturer. He assigned us twenty-four inches on the Wand Lighting Charm, which we are to expect to practice in class next week.

“But I was wondering, Professor; why do we have four class periods of Potions per week, yet only one period per week of any other subject? I can understand not having multiple Astronomy lessons at night, but having only one class period of Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology, Defense, Magical Theory, and History does seem a bit light.”

Professor McGonagall answered briskly, “The reason we only have one class period each for Transfiguration, Charms, and Defense for first year students is that those three classes require students to cast a lot of magic once they get going, and we don’t want any students coming down with magical exhaustion or worse. Potions has a lot of information to cover, and also uses some but relatively little magic. We’ve also found out through experience that providing as many ‘free periods’ during the day as we do allows for the students to complete their assigned homework, receive mentoring from the older students, and where needed and a professor is available receive additional help from the professors.

“Mr. Daley, are you feeling ‘tired’ at all from attempting to transfigure your matchstick during class?”

After thinking for a moment, he answered, “No, Professor McGonagall. But we were only attempting to transfigure the matchsticks for twenty minutes or so before you had us pack up to change classes. But I’ve got two reports to write using a quill, which I didn’t get much of a chance to practice with before coming here, plus whatever Professor Snape assigns tomorrow morning. And, that’s with having attended only two days of classes by the end of the day tomorrow afternoon.”

“Exactly!” Professor McGonagall replied. “You will get more periods of Transfiguration, Charms, and Defense starting in second year.

“The other part of why I held you back is to introduce you to one of your tutors, since out of the five of you, only Mr. Daley isn’t being encouraged or obliged to try to study ahead and move into a higher year early, though he is still welcome to do so if his talents allow. Professor Athelstan?”

A quiet ‘crack’ announced the arrival of (now) Professor Athelstan. He was now wearing a tweed sport coat with elbow patches, a white button-down shirt with an Ilvermorny necktie, and khaki trousers. He was barefooted for the reasons he explained the previous night.

He stated, “Professor McGonagall, I guess this explains why I didn’t find my first-year charges in their common room. They aren’t in trouble already, are they? And, I did introduce myself to them last night wearing the ‘British Rig.’ Misters Joe and Max Stock already know me from Ilvermorny, of course.”

Bill asked, “Professor Athelstan?”

Professor Athelstan replied, “Of course, Bill, and I hope you aren’t going all Slytherin on me now. ‘Ambition and cunning’ they say… right. Anyway, Francisco Floyd made a sufficiently generous donation to Ilvermorny to allow Doctor Lambkins to hire a human TA for Professor Clark this year, as a temporary aide. Beyond helping tutor the seven of you boys, I’m also teaching Magical Theory here at Hogwarts, along with getting some good old-fashioned cooking and cleaning in. My younger brother Cnute is Dad’s Deputy, and he’ll inherit the Chief job when Dad finally passes, so letting Cnute work without him thinking I’m looking over his shoulder will be good for him as well as me.

“When I’m not teaching Magical Theory sections to take the load off of Professor Flitwick’s shoulders, I’ll be tutoring and helping the seven of you boys in all of your studies that don’t require active spell casting, brewing, or ingredient preparation. Professor Flitwick will help you with active spell casting. He has a Mastery in Transfiguration as well as Charms, along with being a retired grand-champion from the international dueling circuit.

“Professor Emeritus Slughorn may visit from time to time as needed also. However, we won’t want him called upon without genuine need, and while he won’t be sneaking in, he won’t be routinely mentioned amongst your fellow students, either. He did retire, after all; and Professor Snape, while being the best-qualified person to replace him, is still quite young. Hogwarts will not undercut his authority or prestige by openly and publicly bringing in his predecessor to tutor students. He will tutor you when needed discreetly.

“When you greet them at lunch, you can assure your friends Mr. Joseph and Maxwell Stock that this also includes Lingua Latina. While Hogwarts doesn’t offer it, it is a core class at Ilvermorny. The Stock brothers would be disappointed if they had to catch up on several years of Latin to remain off of Academic Probation should they have to transfer back to MaCUSA.”

Andy asked, “Docene linguam Latinam sermone sermonene an mortuam? Et uteris Pronunciatione Classica seu Liturgica?”

Professor Athelstan easily replied, “Quid prodest linguam discere si eam loqui non possis? Doceo et gradu utens Liturgicis vocibus, ab OWL Internationalis et NEWT Signis requirentibus. Classicas enuntiationes reperientes magis opus sunt archaeologiae linguisticae. Sed illos discipulos, qui fontibus student, dirigo si se docere voluerint Classica Pronunciationes, saltem prout hodie intelleguntur. Et pulchrum est scire me adiutorem doctrinae in meis classibus habere.”

David added, “Tres hic habebis, Professor Athelstanus. Sum etiam latine facunda patria, et A.D. Fere ut bonum est. Si adiutore doctrinali qui non est Studiosus Hogwarts, loquere cum patre meo Ioanne Dvorak. Duos maiores fratres habeo et consobrinum primum qui sunt omnes magici et lingua latina facunda.”

A.D. offered, “Mom occideret me si cessavi in linguam Latinam. Sally affirmabat et id discerem quod "familiae traditio" esset una cum sororibus maioribus minoribusque suis etiam affirmans id discere.”

Professor McGonagall addressed Headmaster Dumbledore, who had walked into the classroom quietly while Andy was asking his question.

“Professor Dumbledore, would you be interested in opening up Latin as a graded class again?”

After pausing in thought for a moment, he replied, “Headmaster Dippet canceled Latin in 1927, along with Wizarding Culture and Alchemy. So far, I’ve only been able to bring Alchemy back, and I’ve had to teach that myself, since there are so few Alchemists willing to teach in Europe. And the Flamels have been refusing to rejoin Academia almost as long as I’ve been teaching here. I was extraordinarily lucky that they accepted me as an apprentice.

“If Professor Athelstan is willing to teach, I will open Latin up as an elective, and one that first and second years can take up as well. But, Doctor Lambkins, Francisco Floyd, and I will have to negotiate having Professor Athelstan or someone else available to continue teaching after this academic year.”

Professor Athelstan offered, “American House Elf Bonds are more flexible than British Bonds. I’m able to absorb more than enough Human and House magic here to get by, with the occasional trip home to help cook some student meals, do some laundry or cleaning, and grade some papers for the Ilvermorny Professors. Once I get your Latin Syllabus back up to snuff, you’ll still want to hire a wizard or witch to continue teaching.

“Your Slytherins are already bristling with me working as an assistant to Professor Flitwick in Magical Theory. And I’ve been researching with Chief Pitts and Deputy Chief Nonesuch in case we decide to transfer my bond over here. We’re still not sure it even can be done, even if I were willing to move from freedom and personhood in America to being chattel here, never mind that Hogwarts itself is better than some regions of my homeland.

“You have me teaching twelve sections of Magical Theory right now. Since you’re only giving Magical Theory one period per week of instruction, that leaves eighteen periods available. If you offer Latin as a graded OWL/NEWT elective, I should be able to handle the additional teaching load by running a single class for all houses per year pre-OWL, with a single class of NEWT level; and with each class receiving two periods per week. If you reinstate Latin as a core class, you will have no choice but to hire a Professor for either Magical Theory or Latin. The students will need at least two periods per week for all five pre-OWL years to have any realistic chance of passing their OWLs in Latin. That’s twenty periods for the pre-OWL students, with only thirty-five periods in each academic week. My cousin Jerome might be interested, but he’s happier doing traditional work than he is teaching in front of students.”

Besides Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, David and A.D. were keeping up easily with the conversation. Were the other first year Gryffindor Students cartoon characters, they would be drawn with swirling eyes, since they didn’t have a clue what was being discussed, other than maybe Latin being a graded class.

David suggested, “Professors, why don’t we offer Latin provisionally for this year, to gauge potential demand? I’m sure that my uncle can make other arrangements for the Stocks and us native speakers related to him if he’s asked politely. Latin is not an easy language to learn if you haven’t grown up speaking it. And while it’s useful in a lot of Magical career fields, it isn’t necessarily as vital in adult Wizarding life as the current core subjects. And, even if you do an end-run around the Board of Governors, won’t you have to at least talk with Madam Marchbanks at the WEA? She’d have to get graders from MaCUSA, probably for years, if she re-instated the exams.”

Professor Dumbledore chuckled before replying, “If only the Board of Governors were as well-read on how to run a school as an eleven year old aspiring helicopter pilot. But it might just surprise you how quickly things can happen sometimes. If you’ll excuse me, I have a firecall to make, and the rest of you will soon be on your lunch break.”

The Headmaster excused himself, and Professor McGonagall released the students to drop off their books before lunch.

§§§

The Stock Brothers joined David and his friends at the table just as lunch began. Both boys looked harried to different degrees for slightly different reasons. Bill asked, “So how was your morning?”

Both boys grunted in disgust before glaring at each other. Max groused, “DADA, Magical Theory, and Herbology. Herbology was cool. The DADA Professor was nervous as hell, and Professor Athelstan busted me out right after attendance for getting only a D on my last declension homework in Latin – and they don’t even teach it here!”

Joe retorted, “Well, I had Arithmancy and Double Potions. For some reason, Professor Snape hates Gryffindors, and the Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw one period class before us already had him hot enough to fuck! After attendance, he grilled me for ten minutes straight, asking everything from where to harvest a bezoar to how to brew the Draft of Living Death!

“I don’t know ‘bout you Limeys, but that’s a Schedule II Controlled Potion back home, and we don’t even get taught what’s in it! Unless, of course, you become a Potions Master or Healer after graduating Ilvermorny. Even Mediwizards only ever get ‘single-dose packs’ of that shit, and most Mediwizards will only ever give one of those two or three times in their lifetimes.

“Anyway, we ended up making the Boil Cure Potion, which is normally the first potion a first year brews! Worse yet, only Angelica Cole and I together brewed it correctly for our house, compared to all the Slytherins. So yeah, no sympathy from me, Max.”

David supplied, “We had Charms, Transfiguration, and we stayed after while Professor McGonagall canceled a class to talk to us – but we weren’t in trouble. We actually earned six house points for Gryffindor total, where the ‘Puffs lost twenty-four. They came up from the Dungeons bitching about Potions, and kept bitching even after they were in Professor McGonagall’s classroom. She was watching us file in, in her cat Animagus form sitting on her desk. But the ‘Puffs didn’t notice, or even think about it! Even if the ‘cat’ on her desk was only a familiar, some familiars are almost as good as a tape recorder or an eavesdropping spell. I got them to shut up, but I wasn’t quite fast enough. And the Tyler girl decided to throw gasoline on the fire by making fun of Tom when he tugged my sleeve and reminded me that Professor McGonagall was sitting on her desk, which I’d admittedly ignored, too.

“Professor McGonagall took one point each from all twenty-four Hufflepuffs, and another twenty-four from Tyler. She awarded me twenty-five, since I stuck up for Professor Snape, which it sounds like I might not be doing this time tomorrow. She also gave Tom five points for not snapping back at Tyler for making fun of him.

“She didn’t give out any points when we were Transfiguring matchsticks into sewing needles. The only ones in class who made any progress were the four of us who were already receiving magical training.”

After taking a generous bite of a sandwich point, chewing and swallowing it, David added, “And we might be getting graded Latin Lessons. Professor Athelstan said that if you guys” David gestured with his sandwich at Max and Joe before continuing, “had to transfer back to Ilvermorny, that you’d have to catch back up with your yearmates in Latin to stay off of Academic Probation.”

Max almost whined in misery, while Joe huffed, “‘Least it’s Professor Athelstan teaching it. I couldn’t imagine having to learn it from Professor Snape.”

Joe had his back to the aisle way between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, where David had his back to the wall. Thus, David’s paling in shock was the only warning he had that Professor Severus Snape was standing directly behind him when he commented on the professor’s ability to teach.

Professor Snape appeared to be somewhat older than his twenty-two years of age would suggest. He stood just over six feet tall, and was of trim but muscular build. He had a large hooked nose. His black hair was limp but not thinning or balding, and his eyes were as black as the dark of night. His face displayed a sallow complexion, but was free of blemishes and was clean-shaven.

He opined in a smooth yet menacing received accent baritone, “And I couldn’t even begin to imagine teaching you anything other than Potions, or even that now that you mention it. And if your partner Miss Cole and you don’t encourage your housemates to actually come prepared to class, I just might have that American House Elf take over teaching you. His theoretical understanding is surprisingly solid, and it’s not like there would be any danger of your group actually brewing a potion, even accidentally.”

David stood, bowed at the waist, and after standing back straight addressed Professor Snape. “Salve, Professor Snape. Linguam Latinam tractabamus. Utrum velis facere nec ne, tempus non habebis. Etiam discipulos tuos NEWT in unum genus per annum componens, adhuc viginti quattuor periodos cum triginta tantum in hebdomade doces.”

Professor Snape’s reply was only slightly hesitant and less polished. “Salve Scholar Dvorak. Lingua Latina secretum familiae tuae non reservatur. Dum minus exercitatus sum sicut aliquis in sermone Latino sermone evectus, plus sum quam docendi illud docendi ac etiam cotidianae linguae utens.

“Recte de exigentiis temporis mei. Si consideres, nos tantum possem habere relationem professionalem magis quam contrariam, ita ut teipsum pro me intendas quantum habes apud Professorem Slughorn.

“Cras videbo te in genere. Potionem Cure Coquere expectaberis, si condiscipulis non sunt fasciculum stulti Cogor docere soleo. Et si non ut Lupus et Muttus, non te his similes faciam. Vale.”

David replied respectfully, “Nunc vale, Professor Snape” as the Potions Master strode up the aisle way to the head table.

After sitting back down, David quipped, “At least Slytherin doesn’t have to worry about extra help, if any of them actually take Latin.”

Since he was drifting by, Friar Tuck asked, “David, would you be willing to help anyone from my house if they take this Latin Class that you’re speaking about, if it even happens? I took my vows as a Friar during the reign of Richard I, after almost failing Hogwarts because my Latin was that bad. I was a very newly consecrated Priest in the early days of Richard the Second when I died, because it took me that long to finally learn to read and write Latin well enough to celebrate the Mass, and I’m still not that good at the language all these centuries later.”

David assured the spectral Friar, “Sure, Father. But I kinda got your first years in trouble with Professor McGonagall this morning, so I don’t think they like me right now.

One of the first year Hufflepuffs was sitting even with David’s group. He retorted, “Ha, we got ourselves in trouble this morning, and may I call you David?”

Non-plussed, David replied, “Sure, Steve?”

Steve nodded, and replied, “No worries, David. If we were going to blame anyone other than ourselves, it would be Miss Tyler for making fun of Tom instead of letting us apologize to you and get things backed down. Our prefects told us that it probably wouldn’t have made any difference, but we didn’t get to try it anyway.

“About half the class missed the part on the board about taking the potion off of the fire before adding the porcupine quills, so Professor Snape had to banish all the potions before anybody other than the four Ravenclaws got splashed with the potion melting through the cauldron before he could banish it. We got six feet on the Boil Cure Potion. If you’re lucky, you’ll only get two.”

David replied, “I won’t count my luck, or my page count, ‘til this time tomorrow. And while I’ve only met Professor Snape directly just now, I know the type, and I’ve also studied under them. They’re very demanding, and only your best will do. I also knew him by professional reputation, so I’m not exactly surprised. You don’t get as far as Professor Snape has as quickly as he has without demanding the very best from everyone, starting with yourself.”

Steve asked, “What was the last part, where Professor Snape mentioned a wolf and a… muttus?”

“That’s easy enough, since Professor Snape brought it up in public. My two ‘honorary’ uncles are Auror Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin, a Wizarding tutor my Dad and Uncle Frank hired to tutor me, along with my older magical siblings who’re going to Guildford because they didn’t want to go to a boarding school and cram their no-Maj stuff into their summers like I’m having to do. They went to school with Professor Snape, and Professor Snape hates their guts. Even they admit that they were arseholes to the Professor from their first ride on the Hogwarts Express on. Remember, they’ve only been out of Hogwarts as students for four years. That’s very little time to forgive, even if you believe the party who hurt you for seven years was even the slightest bit repentant.

“‘Muttus’ in this case is a mongrel dog. Auror Sirius Black’s Animagus form is of an Irish Wolfhound so large and scary looking that some mistake it for a Grim. Uncle Remus was named for one of the two mythical founders of Rome, both of whom were raised by a wolf. So, Professor Snape has derisively referred to them as the ‘Mutt and Wolf’ for quite a few years.”

“And what did they call Professor Snape?” Steve asked jokingly.

David replied soberly, “If I knew, I wouldn’t admit it here; or to you, Steve. You’re a great guy, I’m sure. But you might get mad enough at Professor Snape to call him that, whatever that is. We would both be in detention for the rest of the year or worse if you did. And while I don’t think his hearing is quite as good as mine, I wouldn’t be surprised if he were listening in on our conversation. We’re in a ‘public area,’ and we haven’t put up any kind of privacy charms. So, honestly, it’s fair game.”

Steve looked up towards the head table, and David followed his gaze. Professor Snape looked at both boys, tapped his right ear with his right index finger, and wagged his finger at them for a moment before tucking back in to his lunch.

Steve moaned, “I’m so dead…”

After swallowing a bite of food, David retorted, “I wouldn’t count you among the dead quite so fast. All the teachers know that the students run ‘hot and cold’ in their opinions about them, especially eleven-year-olds. So, while I wouldn’t be openly belligerent and disrespectful to or try fomenting discontent about any of our Professors, I wouldn’t go to the other extreme, either. The Professors are not trying to be ‘popular’ with us students today. They’re trying to impart knowledge to us, which is their vocation, so that they might deserve to be ‘popular’ with us when we’re grownups with children ourselves.

Professor Dumbledore, who had been absent from lunch up to that point, entered the Great Hall and stood at the podium in front of the head table. After casting a charm that made a loud gong-like ringing sound, he spoke to the students gathered there.

“I have one announcement to give before lunch ends, and I would ask that if any students aren’t here that they are also told. We have just received approval from the Wizarding Examinations Authority to re-instate Latin instruction on a trial basis. Our instructor for this class will be Professor Athelstan from Ilvermorny in MaCUSA, who will now address you.”

Professor Dumbledore stood to the side, and Professor Athelstan sat on the edge of the podium to be more visible to the students. He told them, “As the Headmaster announced, Hogwarts is re-instating Latin on a trial basis, to international OWL/NEWT standards. Currently, this will be an elective class for all seven years, except in the cases of one or two students who already know who they are, who will discover that this is a mandatory class for them.

“For now, the classes will be divided by ability level. You do not need any previous experience studying Latin in order to join this class. However, once you have joined the class, you will have only two periods to withdraw without penalty from the class. This is a graded class, it will meet for two periods per week, and you will have written homework as well as required practice in speaking Latin to do on your own time beyond classroom participation.

“If you take the Latin OWL or NEWT exam, the written exams are written entirely in Latin. Your practical score will be based on an appearance before a board of natively-fluent Latin speakers, and that board will only be conducted entirely in Latin.

“You will require both your Head of House’s approval and mine to enter the course. If you intend to take Latin, you will need to meet with your Head of House and get their approval before lunchtime Monday. They in turn will give me their lists of approved students, and I will conduct a short interview with each of you.

“Once we have the final list of students for this year, you will be broken up by ability and your current schedule, and assigned your class groups and times. The times you are assigned will be periods that are currently ‘free time’ on your schedule.

“Your text books will be loaned to you at your first class meeting. If you wish to purchase your textbooks outright, that can also be arranged. We will be using the same textbook series currently in use at Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in MaCUSA. This series might only be available by special order from Flourish and Blotts at the moment, you’ll have to owl them yourselves to find out.

“As for my qualifications to teach, I passed my OWLs in Latin, Magic Theory, Muggle Studies, Wizarding Culture, Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology, and Wizarding History, along with the written exams only for Transfiguration, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Potions in 1916, earning the highest possible grades in all of them. I took the same NEWT exams in 1918 with the same results. I earned my masteries in Latin, Magic Theory, Muggle Studies, Wizarding Culture, Arithmancy, Ancient Runes, Care of Magical Creatures, Herbology, and Wizarding History between 1921 and 1926. I have regular classroom teaching experience at Ilvermorny in Latin, Wizarding History, Wizarding Culture, and Magic Theory, including having taught both Latin and Magic Theory exclusively between 1938 and 1946. I have taught as a substitute Professor or Teaching Assistant in all the subjects where I hold full mastery frequently up to the present day. For what it’s worth, I’ve even passed my UK W.O.M.B.A.T.s last May before coming out here, once again with the highest possible grades.”

“So you know you aren’t supposed to carry a wand and wear human clothes then, elf” interrupted a slightly disheveled looking seventh year Slytherin.

“Professor Snape,” Professor Athelstan asked, “are your students in the habit of coming to lunch stupid, intoxicated, and hallucinating?”

The embarrassed Potions Master acerbically replied, “Regrettably, Mister Arsenius Carrow is, Professor Athelstan. He has also lost Slytherin twenty-five points for publically insulting a Hogwarts Professor and an additional twenty-five points for making blatantly false criminal accusations in public against the same Hogwarts Professor. He will also serve detention with Mr. Filch for the next eight nights starting tonight, and his pass to Hogsmeade is suspended until the end of the month.”

“Thank you, Professor Snape. Our houses are still brother houses. And, for the record, house elves such as myself are legally banned from owning or carrying a wand within the UK. Since I obey the law, I do not own or possess a wand here. House elves are also generally unable to use a wand, even if they legally own one, such as I did back in the early 1900s. In MaCUSA, wand ownership is regulated by region, and in the Northeast Region where Ilvermorny is located; I can and did own a wand. I also wrote the Magical Theory academic paper on why most house elves have no business owning a wand, whether legal or not, in 1927. This paper is still routinely referenced and cited today, and has withstood repeated academic challenges.

“Both UK and MaCUSA law do not require house elves to cover their naked bodies with anything. Were we demented enough to do so, we could all run about ‘starkers’ as you say here, and the law would and could do nothing at all about it. Wild Brownies run about naked, after all. But, my race, like yours, covers our bodies for modesty’s sake; even if many of my race here in your country only wear clothing clothing as a badge of shame for being cast away by our human benefactors. In MaCUSA, we dress how we please. Here in the UK we do as well, it’s just that more UK house-elves prefer to dress the way you usually see our race dress than the way you yourselves dress. And if I take a break and do more ‘typical’ work expected of my race to imbibe magic, I’m just as comfortable in a flour sack, fodder sack, tea towels, and the like as I am in clothing like I’m wearing now or even Wizarding robes.

“Lunch is almost finished. My 12:55 NEWT Magical Theory class will be in my classroom on time. Good day to all of you.”

With a snap of his fingers, Professor Athelstan was gone. Since it was 12:35 by then, the students made quick work in finishing their lunches and leaving, whether to afternoon classes or afternoon study periods.

§§§

Eight fifty-five Friday Morning saw David and his first-year companions, the rest of the first year Gryffindors, and the first year Slytherins lined up in the hallway in the dungeons outside of the potions classroom. The two houses stood queued on opposite sides of the hallway, but that was more out of convenience than animosity.

David asked one of the Slytherins, “Do any of you plan on taking Latin this year?”

The boy in green replied, “Professor Snape told us last night that we all were. What about your house?”

“I haven’t asked, and asking now would only brass Professor Snape off right before class. That would do no one any favors.”

The door to the Potions Lab opened up and the students filed in. The Slytherins sat on the left sets of brewing stations, while the Gryffindors sat at the right. In the first pair of two person brewing stations A.D. paired up with Andy, and David paired up with Tom Daley. In the second pair of brewing stations, Bill paired up with Emily Tyler, and the rest of the first year Gryffindors took their places behind them. All of the students were quickly seated, and Professor Snape closed the Lab door wandlessly and promptly at nine.

After quickly taking attendance, without any comments on any particular student, Professor Snape started his introductory lecture. Like Professor McGonagall, he also had a natural talent for keeping a class engaged, quiet, and on task; though he was even at the young age of twenty-two a more ominous and threatening lecturer than the Transfiguration Professor. His death-black eyes were particularly menacing, even more so since the Professor maintained Occlumency shields at all times, making his gaze even colder. Yet his voice, far from being a dull monotone, or any monotone at all, was crisp, clear, and modulated in pitch and emotion to such a degree that no-Maj motion producers would be fighting to hire Professor Snape as their “master villain” in whatever blockbuster movie struck their fancy.

“You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potions making. As there is very little foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe that this is magic at all. I don’t expect you will comprehend the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its softly shimmering fumes, bewitching the mind and ensnaring the senses… I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death. However, in order to learn, you the student will have to apply yourselves.

“Mr. Andres Floyd, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?” the professor asked with almost no warning.

However, David and his companions, had all studied their books before entering the class, including the ephemera most students ignore completely. Andy answered, “If you took the recipe to its logical conclusion, Professor, you would brew the Draught of Living Death, a sleeping potion so powerful that it’s used as a magical anesthetic, and is heavily regulated.”

Though not showing any visible reaction, Professor Snape was surprised that a Gryffindor first year actually answered the question. He next questioned, “Mr. William Weasley, where would you look if I asked you to find me a bezoar?”

William answered respectfully, “If I were asked to harvest a bezoar suitable for use in an antidote in potions, I would look in the stomach of a goat, preferably one routinely fed at least some magical roughage, though a bezoar from a goat fed entirely Muggle fare would work in a pinch. A bezoar itself administered in a timely manner will save you from most poisons. A large number of antidote potions use bezoars as either their principal active ingredient or as a secondary ingredient or catalyst to increase the effectiveness of the principal active ingredient.”

Deciding on one more question, Professor Snape asked, “Mr. David Dvorak, what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?”

“None sir, they are the same plant, also known as aconite.”

“Mr. Dvorak, where did your friends and you discover the answers to my questions?”

“Professor, we discovered the basic answers in the forward to Jigger’s Magical Draughts and Potions. We did do some additional study.”

After pausing in total silence for a moment, Professor Snape pronounced, “Perhaps you aren’t all the bunch of dunderheads I usually get to teach. Everyone else write down those answers! They are all correct.”

Professor Snape’s mood actually improved slightly while the class brewed the Boil Cure Potion. While only David, Andy, A.D., and Bill managed to brew to the same degree of skill as the Slytherins, David had drilled into the heads of all of his fellow Gryffindors to remove the potion from the fire before adding the porcupine quills. So, while the rest of the Gryffindors might not have brewed very good potions, they did avoid melting cauldrons and sending each other to the hospital wing.

At the end of class, Professor Snape instructed, “You will turn in the labeled decanted sample of your potions to me before leaving the lab. Your assignment for Monday is two feet on this potion. Messrs Dvorak, Floyd, and Weasley will also stay after class for a few minutes; you are not in trouble.”

Five minutes later, only David, Andy, A.D., and Bill remained behind. Professor Snape asked, “How long have you been studying potions? Your skill in brewing this morning can only be explained by formal instruction.”

David replied, “The four of us have received at least some formal instruction in all the Hogwarts core classes since the start of this year. Professor Emeritus Slughorn taught us potions brewing. In order to make the best use of his time, we had to study on our own, along with everything else we needed to do.

“If I may ask, Professor, how do you teach thirty-eight class periods per week when there are only thirty-five class periods available?”

After a moment’s silence, the Potions Master informed David, “I make judicious use of a Time Turner, and occasionally have Headmaster Dumbledore or a substitute teacher cover for me. I also have my top NEWT students help grade some papers for the lower years, particularly those NEWT students who are interested in earning their masteries after passing their NEWTS. Are you taking up an interest in potions to go along with your interest in history, now?”

While blushing slightly, David answered, “Not at all, Professor. Many members of my family are or were professional educators. Even on the ‘no-Maj side,’ education is education, so I have a greater appreciation than some, particularly those of my own age, on the mechanics of education.”

Professor Snape smiled slightly before he expressed, “I grew up with your ‘current’ mother, Mr. Dvorak. She was no educator. I only know your father from the Daily Prophet. Both he and your birth father were warriors, not educators.”

Andy opined, “Professor Snape, Richard Dvorak was a certified instructor pilot; had the Army not medically retired him, he would have taught American Army Helicopter Pilots. He taught some of the civilian pilots who worked for him. John Dvorak taught guerilla and insurgency warfare while in the middle of a guerilla and insurgent driven war. David’s girlfriend’s mother and grandmother were both civilian educators. A.D.’s father and uncle both taught at the University level, including post-graduate students; his father still does.

“David managed to pick up by osmosis how a school is supposed to work, even though he’ll be the first to tell you that he couldn’t take a school over right now. If David’s concerned that your Board of Governors is overworking you, I’m concerned that they’re overworking you. In fact, I’d guess that your current schedule was started up during the Grindelwald War, and they just kept going to reduce costs.”

Professor Snape looked at A.D., who was starting to fidget. He asked, “Mr. A.D. Dvorak, why are you nervous?”

Taken aback, A.D. almost blurted, “I’m starting to really gain traction with Potions, Professor; and I’m nervous because I don’t want to be caught in a pissing contest between my family and someone who might teach me something that can truly be mine.”

Professor Snape laughed sincerely, possibly for the first time in years. He assured A.D., “Your brewing was just a little bit better than your relatives and friends. If you truly dedicate yourself, and the Cauldron is truly your calling, then you will succeed – if you truly want to do so, and if you truly work for it. I was given opportunities, but only opportunities. Beyond that, it was my own hard work and native talent that earned me my Masteries at the ages where I earned them.

“But I think that we’ve taken up enough of each others’ time for now. You will each owe me two feet on the Boil Cure Potion first thing Monday Morning. Since I now know that you can actually perform to my standards, only your best efforts will do from here on. Good day, gentlemen.”

Taking the hint, the boys left the potions lab. As they got close to the stairway out of the dungeons, David asked, “A.D., are you serious ‘bout getting a Potions Mastery?”

A.D. retorted, “Why not? I got to hang out once in a while in the pharmacology lab at UIUC when I was younger. I only got to make the ‘simple’ stuff like terpin hydrate crystals and calamine lotion, but it was still really neat and interesting.”

Andy added, “I’ve been thinking ‘bout becoming a healer if I can work past my dyslexia. You need mastery-level understanding of potions for that.”

David assured both of his cousins, “Peace! I think that doing our best at Potions is cool. I was wondering ‘bout A.D. ‘cause you were still talking about going to Oxford for your DPhil in English Literature, and I’m not sure you’d have the time to do both things.”

A.D. asked, “Well, you were making noises like you were going to study history at Oxford, even while you’re going all ga-ga ‘bout Wizarding history.”

As they retreated into their dorm room, and A.D. lit his second smoke of the day, David retorted; “Well, that’s almost a different thing, really. History is history, after all. English Literature and Potions have nothing to do with each other! If you’re going for Potions, I’ll help you as best I can; or if you stick with English Literature, or even if you go for both. But you’re signing yourself up for a lot of work if you do that! And, you’re still thinking that I’ll get that pissed off at Cuthbert Binns that I’ll try to get him exorcized and take his job from him. I still have a helicopter company back home to take over, on top of the band taking off like it has.”

Bill opined, “David, you’ll never accept anything less than being right here until Harry passes his NEWTs. You can’t do that singin’ songs or flying helicopters on the other side of the world. You might be able to do that as a Magical History Professor. But A.D., why would you want to take over for Professor Snape?”

A.D. laughed before replying, “I don’t need to ‘take over’ for Professor Snape. He’s being overworked as it is! I would only need to take years one through four, and Professor Snape could take the OWL Year and both NEWT years. Remember, he’s also Head of Slytherin House, so it’s not like he’d be sitting on his ass all day. But I’ll have to earn my Mastery in Potions first, and we’ve only just completed our first class.

“But that’s also assuming that I can keep up, let alone passing my NEWTS with top grades as quickly as ‘everyone’ wants me to do it. So, let’s just go to classes for a couple of weeks or so first, okay?”

Everyone laughed at that. David finished up with, “Sounds good enough for me. We’ll get the Potions Essay out of the way right after lunch. After that, we’ll find out where we can practice and rehearse our music. Our being able to get out of here on some of the weekends depends on us sounding good as well as keeping our grades up, however quickly or slowly we try to get through this school.”

§§§

Ten forty-five Tuesday Morning saw the group entering their shared dorm room after the weekend at Hogwarts along with two more days of classes. David summed up everyone’s opinion of History of Magic, the class they’d just finished attending.

“Okay, that fucking git of a motherfucking ghost has got to go. Paul could teach the class better than Binns, and he’s only just learned how to read! It’s no wonder that Hogwarts has so few students taking the Magical History NEWT, with the quality instruction Binns is giving out. He’s teaching directly out of the textbook, and he’s still getting it wrong – and so boringly so that even I was having trouble staying awake!”

“Have the Goblin Rebellions even ended?” Andy asked in shared frustration.

David sighed in his own frustration before stating, “There were three Goblin Rebellions – three. Combined, the Goblins and Wizards have only fought each other openly for fourteen months, out of nine hundred two years of the Modern Era, which is defined as starting with the founding of Hogwarts. If we rely only on Binns’s teaching, we learn nothing at all about the evolution of UK or World Wizarding Society, we barely learn about the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy, and we don’t even think about what no-Maj Society is doing at the same time. We learn nothing about the changes over the centuries with integrating first generation Witches and Wizards into Magical Society, or anything else that might help give us insights into society today.

“Goblins and Wizards do have problems with each other, and the differences between Goblin and Human Wizard cultures do make relations between the two races more difficult. With the Wizards being assholes to the Goblins as a rule, things are even more complicated. And yet, despite the bad relations between Wizards and Goblins generally, and despite Goblin and Human property ownership rules and norms being mostly incompatible, we Wizards have the Goblins manage our monetary system, and we’ve done this since 1474.

“Finally, despite constantly ‘studying’ the Goblin Rebellions at Hogwarts, we barely avoided yet another rebellion in the late 1950s, with the building construction crisis of 1958. Even avoiding a ‘Rebellion,’ which we barely did drove the UK and MaCUSA economies into a recession, which deepened the concurrent no-Maj recession of the time. Cuthbert Binns has single-handedly made the study of Magical History in the UK into a laughingstock.

“So yes, Binns has got to go. If it’s down to me to replace him, so be it. And that’s why I was looking at going to Oxford for a DPhil in History. In order to get the study of history in the UK back to where it rightfully should be, we’ll need at least one historian with unimpeachable formal training in the study of history to learn Magical History, and to honestly teach it here at Hogwarts. And A.D., if you’re still thinking about going along with Uncle Junior and trying to study English Literature, I’ll help you as best as I’m able, not that I wasn’t already going to do that anyway. But Binns delenda est!”

Andy asked, “What are you going to do about Orchard Municipal?”

David replied, “Nothing. The management team there is top notch. So long as they stay that way, nothing needs to be done. I’ll probably have to start a UK helicopter company to get my flying in, and if you don’t stick with the Wizarding stuff beyond music, you can help me run a flying company and learn to fly helicopters just as easily here as you can in Mokena.

“But all of that is years in the future. Right now, we have four feet of essays to write after lunch, plus getting in some practice for the ‘Hogsmeade Ensemble’ Michael wanted us to put together. How were classes?”

Joe and Max had just dragged themselves in to the dorm room to deposit their books before the entire group headed off to lunch. Joe offered, “Runes was okay. Professor Babbling gave us twelve inches each on Elder Futhark and Younger Futhark.”

Max groused, “Professor Athelstan has us writing out the declensions.”

David replied, “We’ll all do that before the end of the week. So, we’ll get on that right after lunch, along with everything else. Remember, with our ‘weekend getaways’ starting the weekend after next, we can’t afford for any of us to fall behind on anything.”

With their spirits slightly elevated, the boys trooped down to the Great Hall for lunch.
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The Yankees Nephew and the Philosophers Stone