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Heart of Darkness and Light	By : Lynne Category: Harry Potter > General > General Views: 2396 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Heart of Darkness and Light
Chapter 7

The week went by unlike any other that Severus had spent. Teaching by day, loving and sparring by night. Severus discovered that as much as he enjoyed terrorizing his students, he enjoyed his verbal give and take with Ariah. And more than the verbal give and take, he enjoyed the physical intimacy that had become almost second nature. He looked back at the moment when he allowed his world to change, the moment when he allowed one person in, the moment when Ariah came back to him after his ill-advised nastiness over her ability to calm him.

He was in his lab when she returned, hours after he’d sent his attempt at a peace offering. He hadn’t been aware of her arrival as he absently stirred the cauldron and added ingredients for some medicinal potions for Poppy. He thought he caught a whiff of lotus and water lily, scents that always reminded him of Ariah, but assumed it was wishful thinking. When he looked up from his cauldron, she was there, radiant and breathtaking. She smiled at him.

‘But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world,’ she whispered.

‘Please—tame me,’ he said softly, as Ariah closed the distance between them and enveloped him in her embrace.

‘I want to, very much.’

‘Men have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.’

‘I am responsible,’ she said, capturing his lips in a kiss. *

From that moment on, Severus felt his world change. There was something to live for, someone to live for. There was someone in this world that believed he was worth the fight. Oh, it didn’t change who he was. He was still Severus Snape. He still had trouble accepting kindness, he still barked at his students, he still got satisfaction out of the points he took and the detentions he gave. He was still sarcastic. He still verbally cut anyone who got in his way or aggravated him. He still had little patience for the mundane aspects of life. He remained intrinsically the same, but his private reaction to the world was changing. And he discovered that it wasn’t such a bad thing.

That Friday, he entered his living quarters after a grueling session of remedial potions. He flung himself into his chair and shot Ariah a dark look. She looked back at him, trying not to smile.

‘Rough day?’ she asked.

‘Longbottom—’ he began.

‘Say no more,’ she replied, handing him a glass of wine and sitting in the chair next to him, ‘What was it this time?’

‘He turned Crabbe into a crab. Took me an hour to figure out what he had done wrong so that I could turn the crab back into Crabbe.’ he looked at Ariah, who was biting her lip in an attempt not to smile, ‘I may never be able to consume crab again,’ he continued.

‘Um,’ she said, ‘Let me just change what we were having for dinner.’

‘No,’ he said, ‘we weren’t having—’

‘It was—Crab Florentine,’ she said, nodding her head while she stood up to head to the kitchen.

‘I’m sorry, there’s just no way I could eat that without imagining Crabbe on a bed of spinach,’ he said, pulling her onto his lap and nuzzling her neck, ‘A most unsavory mental picture.’

‘To hell with dinner,’ said Ariah, kissing him.

‘To hell with crabs,’ he added, returning her kiss with great passion.

He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom where they spent the dinner hour consuming each other rather than food. Lying in the afterglow of their lovemaking, Ariah gently stroked Severus’ chest. He ran his fingers through her hair.

‘I am so glad I didn’t neuter you last week,’ she said, planting small kisses on his throat.

‘I am grateful for that as well,’ he replied, smiling.

Ariah moved her lips up to kiss his neck. There was much she wanted to talk about with him, but was unsure where to begin. Being Ariah, she decided to jump right in.

‘Your life hasn’t been easy,’ she began, with some hesitation.

‘No,’ he said, nodding lightly in agreement, ‘it hasn’t.’

‘I understand why you took the Dark Mark.’

‘I honestly think that only you can.’

‘And I understand why you came back to Dumbledore.’

‘But?’ he said, kissing the top of her head and burying his nose in her fragrant hair.

‘I have trouble understanding why you insist on acting as your own personal Dementor, sucking all the potential happiness out of your life. I mean, until now, I guess—I hope. I don’t want to be sucked out of your life, Sev. Not by you.’

‘I guess I just feel like there isn’t truly a ‘side’ to which I belong. I’m like the Biblical Judas twice over,’ he said, ‘I betrayed Dumbledore and the Light for the lure of power, and then I betrayed Voldemort and the Dark for my own pathetic attempt at redemption.’

‘There’s never anything pathetic about trying to redeem yourself. So you came back to the Light for redemption. Have you learned yet that you don’t find redemption in the acceptance of others? We can only redeem ourselves.’

‘Heall all the happiness sucking, Ariah. I can’t forgive myself. I can’t accept that the things I’ve done are in the past. I don’t expect to ever forget the screams of tortured Muggles, the destruction of families, of lives.’

‘But you have to try to reconcile yourself with that. And add the good that you’ve done. You’ve saved lives, Sev. You’ve prevented people dying. You saved Harry Potter, even though it pained you to do so. You saved Hermione Granger’s family from a Death Eater attack, even though no one knows it. You try to prevent your Slytherins from joining Voldemort at every turn. You risk your body and mind every day, never knowing when you’re going to get the call from Voldemort, and never knowing whether or not you’ve incurred his wrath. The amount of Cruciatus you’ve taken would drive a normal man insane. Yet you carry on, refusing to let the madness take you. And why? Because you still have work to do. You claimed to want death, but it would have been easy to let it take you several times over. It would have been easy to take it last week at the Reveal. But when I asked you what you needed, you didn’t say ‘death’, you said ‘home’. And you’re not poetic enough to consider death home.’

‘Have I ever told you what you mean to me?’ he asked, kissing her forehead.

‘You don’t have to,’ she replied, ‘I can feel it and see it.’

‘I’m not by nature a demonstrative man.’

‘You’re kidding,’ she said smiling.

‘I wouldn’t kid about that.’

‘Severus, I know how you feel. It’s OK.’

Ariah ran her hand up his forearm, over the Dark Mark. To her surprise, it felt hot to the touch. She looked into his eyes, seeing a flash of pain.

‘Does he have happiness radar or something?’ asked Ariah.

‘He must have.’

‘How long has the Mark been calling you?’

‘Just started a few minutes ago. Honest.’

‘I hate this,’ she said, tears welling up in her eyes.

‘Me too, but there’s no choice. It will just get worse until I show up. And it won’t stop until Voldemort’s dead,’ he looked at her, his eyes narrowing slightly, ‘will you be there?’

‘You couldn’t keep me away.’

‘I thought as much.’

* The words in these lines of dialogue are not my words. They belong to Antoine de Saint-Exupery from ‘The Little Prince’*
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Heart of Darkness and Light