Torment *Completed* | By : Kvarta Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 31713 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 8 |
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. Harry Potter is owned by J.K. Rowling. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made from it. |
A/N: @BlackRose "Hermione is about to make a deal with the devil. " - or at least try to;); "What is Severus planning? " - he is very stubborn, very single-minded oriented, once he thinks he has/ wants something, even at his own expense. I think this chapter may give you an idea what he wants. ; "I bet he hated it when she compared him and Lucius to Ron. " - he did, but even Snape can be sidetracked on occasion :D
To avoid further confusion:
Italic - Past, memories
'Single quotation mark' - inner monologue, thoughts
"double quotation mark" - actual speech
Hermione blinked at him. Severus’s question confused her, forcing her to stop and decipher what did he meant by that. Anger still bubbled in her body, but the logical part of her brain took over. The result was an unexpected halt accompanied by total confusion.
‘Bargaining chip? For what?’
Snape smiled snidely
“Oh, I see. Tell me Gra…Hermione, when did you join to my stroll down the memory lane?”
“After you received your Merlin of Order…..” she stopped, something she said didn’t sound right
“If you refer to Order of Merlin, I can see your logic behind it. It still does not answer my question. What was the first memory you…invaded…”
She frowned, it didn’t sound to her like he wanted to know, not really. But at the same time asking her that was important enough for him, or he wouldn’t ask at all. She sighed, he won’t like the answer.
“Umm…yes…well, that would be the moment when you…you know…” she stuttered, pointing out to his left arm “When you received your mark.”
“Mhm.” He nodded, but Hermione was sure that he looked…relieved “So you did witness some of less savoury moments in my life?”
“Well, not all of them of course, but yes.” She wondered when he’s going to explode
“Then, pray tell, what misguided notion possessed you to think that waking me up, keeping me alive would merit my help as a form of gratitude for your meddling?” his voice was calm, cold and she felt every word brushing against her like sharp blades
“Yes, well….ummm….like I said I gave up on that…”
“Yes, as you informed me. Still, didn’t you learn anything about Slytherins so far? You never go into the deal with them if you do not have on the table something that they want.”
Hermione shivered, his voice was so cold, so precisely focused that she could tell she won’t manage to get away from this conversation so easily. But even if she felt like she walked straight into a trap, this was the trap of her own making. She made it possible. Question was, how she can get away from it. He smiled, it was an eery smile
“You do, however, possess something that I do…want to have.” His voice faded
Hermione sighed, she enabled him to entrap her…so either she will get his help but at the price, she was sure she doesn’t want to pay. Or… she will back down and … Hermione felt like screaming, with a sigh she glared at him. Fine, if he wanted to play this game she will have to be smarter than him. Right? Somehow, that did not sound easy or possible to her.
“Except, you ignored the fact that I told you, I gave up.”
“Grang…Hermione, so far, by my knowledge, you do not give up. You are simply unwilling to put that bargaining chip on the table. May I remind you that, unlike you, I have nothing to lose.”
“Oooo, you have plenty to lose. Do you take me for one of…how do you call us…dunderheads? I am aware that if you could use your magic – I wouldn't be here, you would find the way to get rid of me. If you could use your magic – I couldn’t see any of your memories. I know that I see only parts of it – parts you hid from Dumbledore, from Voldemort or yourself. If you could face your own fears and truth you would know what I know.”
“Perhaps. But, if you would stake your honour and your promise, that you would evaporate from my surroundings once your parent’s memories are restored – I could lend you an extremely helping hand.”
“To what end?”
“I thought that the said ‘end’ was clear from the start.”
“If I agree to that – the moment I leave you, you are going to off yourself. That is unacceptable. This way, I’ll find the solution, slower but I will. And you will still be alive.”
~ S ~ S ~ S ~
Severus sighed, he was hoping that this will go much easier. Then again, he should have seen this coming. She was not one to break easily under the pressure. But if he plays just right…maybe…
“True, though I can inform you that your ‘solution’ may come a tad bit late. Memory charms, as you can see for yourself, can be tricky and unpredictable at best, when performed by…amateurs.”
“I know.” She sounded tired, hanging her head low “I know it! But what are my options? To choose? To trade your life for their memories?” she shook her head “No. At least they are alive, even if they never remember me. I’ll find the way, but I won’t sacrifice you.”
“You are not doing anything to me. In fact, what you are doing now feels more of a punishment than help.”
“No! You may think that now…but, I won’t…Besides…” she raised her head, the look in her eyes suddenly hard and determined
‘Bloody Gryffindor's and their false sense of justice and righteousness’ how was he supposed to navigate through that?
“Besides, I know that you can’t do squat without your magic. I also know that you won’t regain power over your magic until you face your demons.”
“And what if, I ‘face my demons’ as you phrased it, and still do not change my mind? What then? Would you be willing for a lifetime of commitment?” he let his voice to convey what he thought of that prospect. Mild intimidation could go a long way, besides he wasn’t threatening her, he graciously offered a fresh perspective for her. An easy way out, spiced with unfavourable and scary outcome should she choose to ignore it.
She blinked at him again. She obviously didn’t think about that, didn’t even considered it as possibility
“I don’t think it would happen” she didn’t sound too confident at that
“I didn’t ask for your opinion.” He reminded her gently “I asked a question and expect an answer.”
She blinked again. He suppressed the need to smile, feeling almost giddy. He had her now, and if he plays all his cards right she will be out of his way. A very private problem, one that he will keep hidden was… As of lately, ever since he made that first step, lifted his leg from the ground… he had hope. And that was notion so strange and foreign to him that he didn’t know what to do with it. Hope was a dangerous and treacherous thing. He abandoned hope a long time ago and the prospect of the feeling returning was unsettling at best.
She was still mulling over her answer and he deemed that as a good thing.
“I am waiting.”
“If needed be.” She finally whispered but continued with much more confidence “I still don’t think it possible. If you have your magic – there is not much I can do, isn’t it? So, this is really a trick question. However, if you get rid of that guilt…”
“It is not matter of emotions, it is a matter of logic. Certain crimes…”
“That’s where you are wrong Severus Snape. Penance, guilt, repent…those are all emotions. That’s why we no longer have ‘blood revenge’ but the court. Impartiality without emotions. Until you make peace with yourself – you won’t be able to use your magic…”
“And what in my current memories or behaviour imply that I’ll ever manage to get to make a…’peace with myself’….was it?”
He could see cogs turning in her head. Suddenly, she was kneeling next to him. He pulled back into sitting position. She waved her wand and floated a flat board between them, like a table. She placed her right arm on it.
Her behaviour confused him. Begrudgingly, he had to give her credit for it. Rare were the occasions when he couldn’t read his adversary’s moves – this was one of them. She smiled at him
“What if… what if Voldemort decided that child in question was a child born in some other part of Europe? What if Potter’s never crossed his mind? What if you never made a mistake of joining Death Eaters? What if Dumbledore never saw you fit to use you as a spy? What if… Dangerous question, Professor.” Her eyes blazed at him “We only cross ‘what if’ bridge when we are in front of it. I do have a proposition for you.”
“And that proposition demand all this?” he pointed at the board
“Mine does. For now, you can’t get rid of me. You do not have the physical or psychological strength to get by on your own. And as much as Malfoy’s care for you, they still have their own problems. And I won’t allow you to trick me into… to force me to leave your side just yet. So, I’ll make you a deal – you win and I go, I win and I stay no complaints. I even make a side offer, I’ll reveal at least a bit of what I know if you beat me.”
“I beg your pardon?” he had a need to snarl at her or gape at her in confusion, neither booted well with him
“We will hand-wrestle. You do know what that is?”
~ S ~ S ~ S ~
Snape looked thunderous. His eyes narrowed, a deep chasm wedged between his brows, mouth tighten in a line. He nearly barked at her
“Of course I bloody know what hand-wrestling is. What I do not know is why are you proposing such asinine plan.”
“Well, we can argue until the end of time with ‘what if’. If I lose we may continue if I win we postpone that argument until you can beat me. But, since you pointed out that when negotiating with Slytherin’s you have to have bargaining chip…I did learn something from your memories. Something I can tell that you failed to see.” She tilted her head
He was trying to incinerate her with his eyes. She waited for him to respond chanting in her head ‘Please, don’t make me promise something stupid. Please, don’t make me promise something stupid.’ It was another trap, laid to trap him but it could easily turn on her as well. In fact, it was pure desperation on her side. She was losing the battle and this was the first thing that popped into her head. Her cousin solved all his disputes this way. Of course, he was built like a mountain and he knew that he could win. Snape still didn’t regain most of his strength, that did not guarantee that he won’t win.
Getting into academical of philosophical debate with Snape could lead to quick defeat. The man was scary smart and he had years of spying as a backup. He could easily spin the conversation to his benefit. She had to take him by surprise. And this was the only thing where she did have at least some leverage if not an advantage.
“And what would my part of the bargain be?”
“An information for information if fair.” She offered, hoping that he could share anything really but can’t rope her into something she didn’t want to do “Unless you want to back out of it all together. In which case we can just get back to sleep.”
“Very well.” After a long break Snape final nodded, she didn’t like the sly lift in the corners of his lips “If I win, I will tell you why Draco was following you the day Mr Weasley visited.”
~ S ~ S ~ S ~
“But…that…” she blinked “it’s not fair! If you win I have to tell you something!”
He nearly laughed at that
‘Lesson one in negotiating with Slytherin’s.’ he raised his eyebrow
“Is it now? Then do you want to back down?” he asked “If you win, Gr…Hermione, you already have your victory. No additional incentive is needed.” He smirked
Hermione was chewing on her bottom lip. He thought that she did lose her mind when she proposed a game. A game! Of all things. Stupid, muggle, a game of strength. It took him few moments to work out her angle, but smart as she was – she wasn’t at his level. He could have pulled out, but it amused him not to do so.
Oh, he is going to lose. While he was tired after eating a bowl of soup, she was tugging him around. But victory in this stupid game was irrelevant. One wasn’t a spy his entire life if he didn’t learn what battles he has to lose in order to gain upper hand.
It did amuse him, however, to see her reaction if he did dangle in front of her nose something she really wanted to know.
‘How far will you go, little girl?’
“Fine.” She hissed, displeased with a poor bargain she struck.
She positioned her hand and he slowly raised his. Through the entire game of cat and mice, he neglected to pay attention to one minor detail. Reluctantly he locked his hand with hers. She grinned like that was a victory on its own.
“On my mark.” She smirked, “Go.”
It wasn’t really the struggle. He knew he didn’t have the strength to win. However, it was surprising that she did not hesitate. His bait, no matter how attempting, didn’t hold enough strength to make her waver. And precisely that is why she was so dangerous, and why he had to get rid of her.
She grinned at him.
“Better luck next time.”
“Indeed.” He smirked at her. “Well, good night.”
Silently, she slipped off the bed and dragged that blasting board with her. He watched her turning off the lights and curling back on her sofa. Her face told him that she understood well how bitter her victory was.
Only then he slid back to bed. But sleep was far from his mind. She did raise so many questions. Her irritating need to correct things, even when they did not need correction stirred the murky waters of undesirable notions and thoughts he had recently. And, even if he couldn’t hide behind his Occlumency walls, long years of denial taught him how to ignore undesirable. With his defences weaken…now he had no other options but to face them until they settle down again.
At first, it was clear to him why was she so dead set on keeping him alive. But now? The girl was on the mend. Her original motives gone. Still, her mind was focused on keeping him alive. So much so, that she was willing to sacrifice her parents in order to save him. It didn’t add up.
Didn’t she understand that there was no life for him after the war? What he had to look for? Years and years of solitude and nightmares. He was lost for the wizarding world. He was lost to the art of Potions. He was lost to love and family. Not even the prospect of suitable partner existed, even if for nothing more than public image. He couldn’t tolerate most of the females and their stupidity. He was not interested in males. So, what was there for him?
Reluctantly he slipped into a sleep and dreams that became his refuge and his torture. The dreams about…her.
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