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And They Didn\'t Live Happily Ever After	By : ElizabethStump Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 90306 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 71
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“And They Didn't Live Happily Ever After”

Chapter Seventy-One
"Jumbo Cockroach Clusters"

Disclaimer: Miss Jo (Rowling) owns everything. I own nothing in this story, except a really dirty imagination.

If you want a soundtrack to go along while treading this chapter, then open this YouTube link and listen while Severus, Draco, and Ginny enjoy their first day in sanctuary: https://youtu.be/fjbiKCzlFZQ

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The first day in the town of Malu Palekaiko, which shared the same name as the island Severus now called home, was certainly a memorable one.

The new sanctuary seekers went out for breakfast, famished, especially after the "thrilling" excitement of the morning with Potter showing up unannounced and causing a scene.

Severus recommended Draco and Ginny take their welcome packets with them as they went about the town. Deciding to see if his hunch was correct, he told Ginny and Draco to place their packets on the table in front of them at the restaurant, and Severus would keep his hidden.

At the Ohana Family Diner, the waitress greeted them with a warm "Aloha" and asked if they were tourists.

Ginny informed the waitress they had all been granted sanctuary that morning. The waitress smiled warmly at the two young lovers, but gave Severus the stink-eye until he pulled out his packet and innocently asked if she could recommend someplace in town to buy new clothes. Upon seeing Severus had his own welcome packet, she warmed up to him immediately and pointed to one shop on the list, giving them a brief set of directions to get there.

"What was that all about?" Ginny asked Severus after the waitress left to get their food.

He clued the two into the nonverbal stamp of approval the welcome packet provided, letting the townsfolk know they were not just to be tolerated, but welcomed with open arms.

They would have to cart them wherever they went until the luau tomorrow night. That is when they would most probably be introduced to the community, and then wouldn’t have to carry them as some giant paper badge of approval.

Breakfast for Severus consisted of a couple eggs, Portuguese sausage, toast, and more of that delicious Kona coffee he was quickly becoming addicted too. The plate originally came with rice, but he opted for something he normally associated with breakfast since rice seemed like a dinner starch. He eyed the pineapple marmalade suspiciously; he tried some on a corner of his toast and decided he would stick to citrus-based marmalades.

Draco raved about the macadamia nut pancakes with coconut syrup, while Ginny decided to be brave and go with what was marked in the menu as the local favorite: rice, a fried egg, and a hamburger patty with gravy.

Severus noted there was a lot of Spam on the menu.

"What's Spam again, Severus?" Draco asked, unfamiliar with the “delicacy.”

"Spare parts of anonymous meat," he muttered with distaste. Growing up poor, his mother served it up frequently as a cheap source of protein, and he still could not stand the sight or smell of it to that very day.

The sight of Spam sushi on the lunch menu almost ruined his appetite.

Then there was the heaping pile of fresh fruit that came in addition to what was listed on the menu of each dish they ordered. It was meant as garnish, but it seemed like a whole other entree by itself.

Ginny had slices of starfruit, a fresh navel orange, and a big piece of papaya on the side. Draco had a huge slice of mango, fresh pineapple which was sweeter than anything he had ever eaten before, and strawberries, which were a real treat since strawberries were never in season in winter or autumn back in England. Severus had his own slice of pineapple, a large chunk of watermelon, and sliced banana.

Severus could see that if this was what was grown locally, he was going to be including a lot more fresh fruit into his diet. It was all so sweet and flavorful, far more than the stuff grown in the hot houses by wizards for the farmers’ market in Diagon Alley.

After a filling breakfast, they headed off to go clothes shopping. Severus, in his lightest weight woolen trousers, coolest linen shirt, and black leather boots, was already beginning to sweat. The heavy breakfast didn't help matters, and he wished he had stuck with a pastry and some coffee instead. It was barely ten o'clock, and Severus was tempted to roll his sleeves up, as was Draco, but refrained, both self-conscious about their Dark Marks.

They reached the recommended clothing shop and entered.

A wizard, who looked like he was barely old enough to shave, welcomed them all with a warm, "Aloha."

"Yes, we just relocated here, and we need more appropriate attire for your local clime," Severus said.

"Dude, what?" he said, looking at Severus blankly. Noticing the welcome packets clutched in their hands, the shopkeeper suddenly brightened up and said, "Ah, sanctuary seekers. Sweet. I guess you'll be needing new duds if yer gonna live here, huh?"

"Yes, you could say that," Severus remarked dryly. The young wizard had a dark golden tan and light brown hair that was sun-bleached toward the tips of his unruly mop – but certainly did not speak like a proper Englishman.

"Alright, then. Wahine, this way," the young wizard said, his arm outstretched toward one side of the store.

Severus, Ginny, and Draco didn't know who he was referring to.

"Ladies," the shopkeeper clarified before showing Ginny over to the section featuring fashions for the tropical witch.

He even showed her different ways how to tie a pareo, which was nothing more than a large, patterned rectangle of cloth artfully wrapped around the body. It could be worn as a dress by itself, as a skirt, or just a cover-up while wearing a bathing suit. Then there were muumuu dresses of various styles from billowy with long sleeves to snug-fitting spaghetti-strap ones that would hug her curves. Ginny pulled out an armload of clothes and began trying them on in the fitting room, which was nothing but some hung cloth dividers.

From the radio in corner, the local Wizarding Wireless Network was playing some Hawaiian music. The sounds of a slack guitar gently strumming away while someone sang in the Hawaiian language was just loud enough to be heard, as soft background music. It was all very restful and relaxing, and Severus, though not accustomed to the music, did not find it grating on his nerves at all, but even a bit soothing.

"Kane... that means men," the young wizard said, directing Severus and Draco to the men's fashions on the other side of the store.

"Um, there certainly are a lot of short-sleeved shirts," Draco remarked.

Looking at them with their long-sleeved shirts and their pale skin, the shopkeeper said, "So where you guys come from, Ireland?"

What was it with these Yanks guessing they came from every country but England? Could they not hear their accent and tell the difference? Evidently not, based on a third assumption they were from yet another country other than England.

"England."

"Cool." The young wizard bobbed his head up and down for a bit, some nonverbal gesture showing he approved. "Yeah, my grandfather sought sanctuary from England back in 1945, but he doesn't talk about it. He certainly lost a lot of his accent since he doesn't sound anything like you guys."

Severus' back went straight. The only wizards from England who would be seeking sanctuary in Malu Palekaiko around that time would be Grindelwald's followers after Dumbledore defeated him. It was the exodus of Grindelwald's followers to this tiny island that cause Dumbledore to expunge the entire Hawaiian Island chain from every wizarding book in Great Britain. There were one or two books which referred to "The Sandwich Islands", but even then, it was in passing with no specifics. But as Mounga told Severus, people usually changed their ways once coming here, seeking to fit into society and not cause trouble anymore.

The former spy would have to see if there would be bad blood still felt towards them by Grindelwald's former followers, should they discover he and Draco were once Dumbledore's men.

Even Draco knew his history and gave Severus a fleeting glance that he too was concerned.

Most everything on the racks was bright and a bit obnoxious. The shopkeeper, who did know a bit about fashion, steered Draco towards the pale pastels, helping him pull out a pale blue and silver Hawaiian shirt with a subtle bamboo pattern. He said it would accent his eyes and not make him look so washed-out, considering the blond hadn't built up a tan yet.

Severus was directed to the darker shades. The shopkeeper pulled out a black Hawaiian shirt with an asymmetrical pattern featuring green foliage, and another in a dark wine-red with a hibiscus pattern in white.

As for trousers, the only ones were denim for those who wanted to go hiking out onto the lava bed. Severus bought a pair, as he knew he would be doing that while exploring the island. The denim was practical, since he read in his welcome packet some formations of lava were very sharp, with one type of lava called a'a (ah-ah), which is exactly the sound one would be making should one fall on it. Its texture was described as broken glass, and just as sharp from the lacerations one would suffer if one fell on it.

Severus and Draco knew they'd have to start wearing shorts, as it seemed to be the prevalent style and they would fit in better with the locals. Also, it was not even noon and they were dying to get into something cool and made of cotton, even if it meant their pasty white legs were exposed.

Severus came out of the changing room sporting a pair of beige-colored shorts with lots of pockets and a loop to hold his wand, and the black Hawaiian shirt that was selected for him.

The shop keeper said, "Whoa, that is some wicked ink there, dude. What is that? Wizard or Muggle?"

Severus uncomfortably noticed the young wizard was pointing to his Dark Mark. Severus decided not to make an issue out of it as that would only draw attention to it. "Wizard," he replied, his voice a bit clipped.

"That's totally sweet. I got this one bit of wizard ink when I finished school last summer. My mom had a total cow, but oh well," he said in his particular drawl that was not exactly like the others they had met, and seemed more American than the very slight hint of Hawaiian accent Halulu and Mounga spoke with. At that point, the shopkeeper started unbuttoning his shirt to show off the wizard ink on his chest of a shark surfing along the waves. "They call me Shark and I like to surf, so it only seemed natural."

The wizard tattoo of the shark was swimming with the wave, surfing along as it crested, its tail moving back and forth.

Severus politely nodded. He hoped they could finish shopping soon and move onto getting some footwear soon.

Draco came out and instantly looked like he belonged as a local, except for the blindingly white skin. His long hair, lean silhouette with a muscular form, and insouciant attitude made him look like he'd blend in once he got a bit of sun. Which brought up a whole new set of issues.

Malfoys burned easily to a crisp in the sun.

They would have to get some potions to help ease the tanning process, otherwise Ginny and Draco were not going to have any opportunity to be intimate if Draco was suffering from a sunburn. There were potions to take the pain away and ease the transition from days to a few hours, Severus had read that in his literature provided, but sunburns were not fun to suffer through even for a short period of time.

During Severus' Potions apprenticeship, Reginald Chuff had dragged Severus out into the deep deserts of Northern Africa, and had not warned Severus where they was going or to bring protection from the sun. Chuff, who had brought a hat and appropriate attire for himself, seemed to find some perverse pleasure in Severus suffering from a sunburn, feeling cold at night in their tent, and unable to pull a blanket over to cover himself as the blanket seemed to warm the skin and make the skin burn even more. Severus did not have any potions for sunburn or anything to ease his pain, so he had to deal with it for three days until he got back and could brew something himself. Severus would not let Draco suffer like he did.

Ginny emerged from her own dressing room in a bright green tight-fitting sleeveless muumuu that contrasted with her red hair nicely, as well as accented her figure.

The two lovers kissed briefly and remarked about each other's clothes before Ginny went back to put on the other clothes she had yet to try.

Severus wound up getting six pairs of shorts in the same style but in different colors, and seven shirts. There was surely more clothing stores on this island, as there were about a half-dozen listed in the welcome packet, but this would get him started without having to run off to have laundry done every day.

Shark didn't sell any shoes, but he directed them to some place three doors down that did.

Ginny paid for their clothes, since she was the one with the money and Draco had yet to visit the local Gringotts branch.

Once outfitted with new clothes and footwear – a mix of lightweight shoes, sandals and a pair of hiking boots for Severus – they stopped by the apothecary for sunburn and tanning potions, plus some mosquito repellent.

Suddenly, between the heat of the day that was building and their activities, all three decided to go back to their hotel and take a rest, feeling the effects of Portkey lag and an eleven-hour time difference. Their circadian rhythms had not reset to their new time zone.

Back at the hotel, Severus hoped he could sleep this time without being woken up by obnoxious Aurors or a screaming Justina.

As Severus lay in bed beneath the mosquito netting, he imagined Hermione wrapped in a pareo, a single knot tied around the back of her neck keeping her clothed, with nothing on underneath. How one simple knot could be undone and reveal her body to him appealed to him greatly.

Had the vial not slipped from her trembling fingers, she would be there with him, lying there nude, commenting on how warm it was.

His hand reached out and touched the pillow next to him, imagining her smiling back at him and asking if he liked her new outfits. They would be wondering what the luau would be like, both of them guessing how close Ginny's attempt at Hawaiian cooking from a cookbook back home really matched local cuisine.

Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was a little past noon, which meant it was about eleven in the evening back in Diagon Alley. The Sirens' Secrets would be having its grand opening in a little over twelve hours; and wondered how the reception would be, considering the sexual nature of the products to be sold, and the recent news of Miss Brown having an affair with Ronald Weasley, as it was known she was a co-partner in the store. He hoped that the scandal would not keep customers away, or just the sheer attraction of going to a store owned by the now infamous Miss Lavender Brown might drive even more customers to it. Either way, he hoped the Galleons from the potions he developed, especially for the store, would help line his vault, once Miss Brown did a bit of money laundering.

As he was falling asleep, Severus could tell that the two love birds had forgotten to put up a Silencing Charm. Instead, he cast his own so he could sleep without being disturbed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Exhausted and with her feet killing her from having to stand around the entire time she was there at the grand opening of The Sirens' Secrets, Hermione kicked off her shoes an flopped face down onto her bed. She wanted desperately to get out of these damn tights, but wondered if she had the strength to do it.

"Fuck it," she mumbled into her pillow. Reaching for her wand, straining to pull it free, she finally waved it and all her clothes were off, folded over in a corner in a neat pile.

Hermione didn't use a wand in a way that she thought would be a sign of laziness, such as putting her clothes off and on, brushing teeth, chopping vegetables, and doing other simple tasks she could do herself, but she was thankful she knew the spell to undress.

Now she was nude without a nightgown on. She didn't care and crawled under the covers, recently having grown a likeness for sleeping au naturel. It was a habit she had picked up falling asleep Saturday nights at Severus' flat since he did as well, usually both dropping off after making love.

Now, instead of snuggling in his arms, she dropped off to sleep while thoughts of the evening’s events danced in her head.

Working at The Sirens’ Secrets grand opening had been truly work and not pleasure. She’d had to become acquainted with all the Lovely Lavender Company’s potions so that she could answer questions about them, including potions she hadn’t helped develop. The only thing that helped her keep her sanity from the scandalous stares she received while standing around and answering those questions, was the fact that all the potions were flying off the shelves. Some people were buying four or five bottles at a shot.

Two potions nearly sold out by the end of the night. One was the Male Enhancement Potion that was given the rather obvious name of "Sequoia," which was the genus name for redwood trees. It was a rather obvious attempt to make men think that this potion would give them a big, red piece of wood. The other potion that flew off the shelves was the Arousal Potion Hermione had personally developed with Severus, that had been given the apt name of "Irresistible."

The two potions, besides being sold separately, were also sold together as a "Romantic Evening" package, with a very obvious warning no one was to take both potions that one was for men and the other for women. On the back was a long list of complications that would arise should some wizard get it into his tiny, little, sex-addled brain to take both. There was an emergency antidote included, should someone be thick-headed enough to try it.

With all those potions sold, Hermione could see the Galleons rolling in, which made her not quite so grumpy.

Ron had made a brief appearance and then had to go meet with Bascom regarding an update on the press and Luna's interview with him, which would come out Monday.

Molly hadn’t even shown up, most probably not wanting to be seen in such a shop. Arthur made a quick appearance as well to congratulate the twins on the launch of another business, and Lavender as well, who would soon be his new daughter-in-law. He gave an uneasy smile and glanced about with a nervous eye, no doubt wondering what wizardom was coming to for such a shop to open, but kept his opinions to himself.

Arthur had taken the news of Ron and Hermione's divorce a bit rough at first, but upon being informed about how Molly had practically kicked Ron in the pants into a marriage he neither wanted nor was ready for, and Ron's sincere intentions to be a good and very faithful husband to Lavender, Arthur warmed up to the new arrangement. He wasn't completely happy about the situation, but saw for the three persons involved in this love triangle, it was for the best.

Arthur greeted Hermione and apologized for Molly's behavior. He insisted that had he known that his wife had been so... peremptory with Ronald, he would have stepped in and said something. Hermione wondered if Arthur just chose to ignore his wife's overbearing attitude, instead of acknowledging it when it was a problem at the time. He certainly said or did nothing when Molly harped on about children at family gatherings in front of the whole Weasley clan.

But Hermione supposed that his love for Molly made him blind to her faults, accepting her just as she was. Just as Hermione accepted Severus for his own faults, willing to look past them and take them part and parcel of the whole package.

Bill and Fleur had a house-elf watching the children, since this was not a store for children. Also, the shop had a minimum age restriction of seventeen, the age of consent in the wizarding world, to enter – similar to the age barrier around the Goblet of Fire. Fleur asked about the "Romantic Evening" package; Hermione could not confess she had personally tested it out herself, so instead she answered that she’d read about the effects.

Charlie – who was upset with Ron, Hermione and Lavender, regarding the divorce scandal and siding with his mother, despite his otherwise carefree and contemporary attitude he exhibited – did not show up.

Percy found the whole idea of a sex shop to be beneath his brothers, and the idea that Ron's second wife to be was involved in this enterprise appalled the primmest and most uptight of the Weasley men. He made some excuse that he might come by sometime to check to make sure the shop was up to Ministry standards.

The twins had given Hermione a warm welcome and thanked her for the last-minute idea to add some seasonal flair to their wares. It seemed the bell nipple pasties with pre-spelled sticking charms were a big hit. The pasties rang out little Christmas songs once applied. The store sold out of them before the night was out. George had to run over to the workshop to make more, and they were selling faster than he could make them and stock them on the shelves. The twins had heard from Lavender about how Hermione was going to earn royalties on a few potions she’d consulted on with Delgado, and in return for her inspiration, they’d offered her five percent royalties on the profits from the bell nipple pasties.

Fred had cornered Hermione and asked her if Ron had been a guinea pig for any of the Potions she’d consulted on. Hermione truthfully answered she hadn't tried them with Ron, but Lavender might have, which could have happened; she didn't know, but wouldn't put it past her. Lavender had told Severus she tested them herself, which means Ron must have been part of the testing process as well.

The twins wished that Ginny hadn't arranged her holiday with Harry right before the opening, but couldn't wait for her reaction once she got back. Hermione smiled and nodded, not saying anything.

Hermione would have to check on her vault, the one that was in her name alone, and see how much she’d raked in over the weekend from royalties.

It seemed during the course of the day everyone who was there in Diagon Alley had swung by and checked out the newest shop. Of course the windows were discreetly covered in such a way that no one could see the wares that were sold, but tastefully rendered artwork indicated that this was a shop for adults only without making mothers cover their children's eyes when they passed.

The magical dildos were certainly an item of curiosity, with many witches looking about furtively as they hid one under their cloak to take up to the counter for purchase, so no one would see them traipsing through the store holding one.

A copy of the store's Owl order catalogs were included in all the bags so anyone who wanted to purchase more items, but were too shy to make a personal appearance at the store again, would not be denied the business of pleasure.

And how much more awkward would it have been had Hermione agreed to manage The Sirens' Secrets as she had once been offered by the twins? At least working for Lavender, she was now working on her Potions apprenticeship and not all the potions she would work on would be sex-related.

The Daily Prophet came to report on the opening of the new store, but given the nature of the items for sale, the article would probably wind up on the back page, beneath the obituaries. The placement would likely bring in complaints from grieving family members, who would be even more upset when the newspaper offered to post the obituary again at a reduced rate. That hadn’t stopped the newspaper from taking Lavender's money to do a full-page center spread advertising the store and its grand opening.

Before Hermione dropped off to sleep, Galleons dancing in her head, she made a promise to finally get around to buying an owl for herself and Owl her parents that she would be coming over for dinner some night soon. She had yet to tell them about her divorce and wondered how they would handle the news, though they had probably already read about it given they had a subscription to the Daily Prophet.

Dobmeir had said even though apprenticeships were a seven-day a week arrangement, he understood there were some things Hermione had to do for Lavender that would cut into their time to work together as master and apprentice. He was also amenable enough to let her ask for one day off a week, if she needed it for family and personal business. She would talk to Dobmeir about taking either Saturday or Sunday off next weekend in which to visit her parents.

Given that Wendy Granger's sister, Christine, was divorced, Hermione thought that her parents would probably take the news in stride. Luna certainly had been surprised to discover during the interview earlier in the day that Hermione had an aunt that was divorced and was happily married to another man.

When the Monday edition of The Quibbler would hit the stands, it would be interesting to gauge the wizarding population's reaction to the story. Perhaps once the interview was read by nearly everyone, people would stop staring at Hermione as if she was wearing a scarlet letter.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

While Severus was passed out cold, suffering the after-effects of the Polyjuice Potion, Draco and Ginny had woken up and headed to the local Gringotts branch to check on Draco's vault, too excited to rest. The bank transfer had gone off without a hitch. There was enough money in the vault to last for many years, plus enough to lend Severus to set him up comfortably, but should it run low, there were other vaults all over the world Draco could visit. And hopefully Hermione would not take years to clear their names, as that would mean Draco’s being at risk for being caught abroad should Draco need to run off to another country to transfer funds back to the Malu Palekaiko Gringotts branch.

Then again, once Ginny was married and officially a Malfoy, she would have her own key and her name would be added to the list of people who could access the Malfoy family vaults, as right now Draco was the sole person. If anything, Ginny could go abroad and transfer funds without an Auror hauling her back to England to be brought before the Wizengamot, unless she was convicted in absentia of helping two Death Eaters escape – then all bets would be off.

Waking up, groggy and momentarily confused, Severus wasn't sure looking at the clock if it was ten past six in the morning or in the evening. The light was about the same with the sun down at that time, which meant the sun would rise in half an hour or it had set a half hour ago.

The sound of children playing in the distance and people chatting, filling nearby bars and restaurants with Friday night patrons, told Severus he hadn't slept the clock around. He had traveled by Portkey over different time zones before, but this was by far the hardest time shift to adjust to.

After rising, showering, and shaving, he dressed in some of his new clothes before going to knock on Ginny and Draco's door.

He was bid to enter and found the two engrossed in a game of wizard poker. Draco was winning. Wizard poker was a standard diversion in the Slytherin common room, since it taught Slytherins strategy, how to be more cunning, and to keep an impassive face no matter how good or bad of a hand they had. Ginny, having grown up with six older brothers, wasn't far behind.

Having skipped out on lunch, Severus was famished and suggested that they head out to dinner. Before going out into the night air to walk along the town’s main street, they remembered to bring along their welcome packets in order to smooth over the introduction process.

As they passed one bar called “Bongo's,” its front door wide open to the street, they heard someone call Severus' name out.

"Severus! Sev!" Mounga called out and waved the three of them inside to join him.

As they entered the bar, the bartender spotted new people and shouted "Aloha!" which the patrons mimicked in unison a beat later, greeting the trio.

"Sev, you don't mind if I call you Sev, do you?" Mounga asked.

Severus was about to protest and insist on his full name, but Mounga and the rest of the population had a very laid-back and relaxed attitude; it didn't seem like an insult or a way to diminish any respect for him, just a way of being friendly.

He replied, "It's alright, you can call me Sev, though I'm not used to it," he added hesitantly, hoping they got the hint.

Ginny almost burst into giggles.

Severus couldn't believe that the atmosphere was affecting him as much as allowing that abominable nickname to be associated with him, but he let it slide. If he found he couldn't stand it by the end of the night, he would ask people to use his full name.

"Great, Sev. I'd like to introduce you to my wife, Rainbow," Mounga said with great pride.

The witch sitting next to him on a bar stool was tall, with an average build. She was a striking-looking woman with wavy dark brown hair, skin almost as dark and golden as her husband's, and large brown almond-shaped eyes full of warmth and that spoke of a life of happiness.

"Aloha, Sev. I understand you just came here last night for sanctuary."

"Yes," Severus said, shaking Rainbow's hand, which didn't seem to be enough of a greeting as she got off her bar stool and gave Severus a welcoming hug. "And I'd like to introduce my friends who also came with me seeking sanctuary, Ginny Potter and Draco Malfoy."

"Drake, Ginny, pleasure to meet you," Rainbow said before – not even bothering with a handshake – she embraced the pair like they were old friends.

Severus wondered if the people were just this friendly in Hawaii, the alcohol was loosening polite decorum when meeting new people, or people in cultures of lower latitudes were always this affectionate. He remembered hearing Hermione's tale of the overly affectionate Italians she’d encountered during her honeymoon. Perhaps all three were true.

"Dra-co," the blond wizard muttered as he accented the second syllable, not wanting to have his name turn into a one-syllable nickname – Drake, like the duck – as his mentor was seemingly willing to put up with.

"I'm sorry, Draco," Rainbow apologized. "So what's this I hear from Justina about a wedding?" Rainbow's eyes lit up and Severus could have sworn that her eyes changed color from brown to gold, but given the dim light in the bar, it was hard to tell.

"Well, I just divorced my husband, who I was forced to marry by my mother, after being tricked by her into believing that Draco had disappeared," Ginny explained, trying to keep the long story as short as possible. "So now that I'm free to marry Draco, we want to get married as soon as possible."

"Why not a Christmas wedding. Ooh, or better yet, a New Year's Eve wedding! I hear those things are pretty popular in Scotland. You're from Scotland, right?" Rainbow asked.

"England," Severus corrected her.

'That's four. Yet another country to add to the count,' Severus thought.

"But ooh, it sounds like your love story is so romantically tragic, but with a happy end," Rainbow gushed with relish, placing her cheek in one hand, her elbow resting on the bar.

"Trust me, romantic tragedies might be fun to read in romance novels, but they are depressing as hell to live in real life," Ginny said somberly, her eyes diverted downwards.

"But you're here now, together, and it all worked out in the end. Drinks on us," Rainbow insisted, before waving the bartender over for a round of drinks.

Pointing to Draco first, she said, "A Sharktini for the blond, an Over the Rainbow for Pele's little twin sister, and a Wipe-Out for the Byronic hero," she finished, pointing to Severus.

Had Draco had a mouthful of beverage in his mouth already, he would have spit it out of his mouth. Rainbow seemed to have Severus' number to a tee – Byronic hero indeed.

Severus noted that while Mounga was more of the silent type, his wife, Rainbow, more than made up in verbosity for the two of them.

"Pele's little sister?" Ginny asked for clarification.

"Pele, goddess of volcanoes, lightning, and wind; the one who made this paradise we live on and the Hawaiian chain with her fire and lava? Known for her power and passion?" Rainbow prompted them. "Lots of siblings?" Draco started sniggering. "Did you read that in your packet yet?"

"No, we've been trying to get some much-needed sleep, breakfast, and clothes," Severus explained for Ginny's lapse in knowledge. "Speaking of which, I didn't eat lunch. Did you?"

Draco and Ginny both shook their heads. They had been busy with Gringotts and each other to bother much with food.

"Well, it'll be one drink then," Rainbow said. Then she warned them, "But within your first week here, you must make a trip to the edge of the caldera and make an offering to Pele in thanks for providing you with sanctuary. To not thank her would be a great offense and bring bad luck." She nodded with great seriousness that she was not joking.

Severus had read about Pele in the Muggle tourism books, but wasn't sure how much of the myth transcended across to wizardom. The Muggle books included horror stories – as a warning – of those who had thought to take a piece of lava rock back home from Hawaii as a souvenir, only to have a string of bad luck, each incident more horrible and ridiculous than the next, until they mailed the rock back and had the string of bad luck end.

Considering this sort of stuff was happening to Muggles, and myth was often based in fact, he wasn't going to risk it and would suggest that all three of them make the trip tomorrow to make an offering to Pele to ensure nothing went wrong. Severus was not superstitious and did not worship foreign deities, but he was cautious.

Just then, their drinks arrived. Draco's Sharktini drink was in a large martini glass; it had a couple blue gummi sharks swimming around that tried to bite his finger when he tried to fish them out to take a sip. Ginny's Technicolor concoction was a drink layered with various fruit juices, liqueurs, and spirits where the colors were exactly in the same order of a rainbow; the tall glass was as shapely as Ginny's silhouette. With each sip, Ginny's cheeks flushed rainbow colors before going back to her naturally freckled pale skin.

Severus' Wipe-Out drink was served up in a very large pineapple that was carved out in the center. Along the rim of the carved out pineapple was an array of various decorations, fruit, and accoutrement. First he picked out the umbrella, then the little plastic red monkey that had already eaten half of his maraschino cherry, a large hibiscus flower, a slice of lime, a sprig of mint, and lastly a zest curl of orange rind skewered with a shaft of fresh bamboo that had still had some leaves attached, but he left the straw.

Peering into the fruit hull container, he sniffed at it and scrutinized it.

"You're a Potions master, aren't you!" Rainbow piped up.

"How can you tell?" he wondered.

"Only a Potions master would analyze a drink like that before drinking it," she astutely observed. "Do you tutor?"

Severus had just had his first sip and he wasn't sure what it was that made him choke. It could have been her question about tutoring, having been glad to no longer face teaching children ever again, or it could have been the mix of distilled palm sap wine mixed with rum and vodka, topped with pineapple juice, coconut liquor, guava juice, and something else masked by the various fruit flavors, but it was most probably both.

As he was about to make it perfectly clear he no longer worked in academia, the first sip hit his stomach and went straight into his veins and up to his brain. Suddenly, Severus was feeling calm. It was like taking a whole vial of Draught of Peace, but his face and fingertips were starting to feel a little numb. If he could remember later, he would have to figure out what that mysterious ingredient was that he couldn't identify.

'I better have another sip of this to see if I can identify that last ingredient,' Severus thought to himself.

Silly wizard.

Suddenly, he realized he was nodding as Rainbow went on about her twelve-year-old at home who needed help with Potions, since she taught her own children herself. She claimed their community was too small to support a fully-staffed wizarding school, and most people home-schooled, bringing tutors in as needed.

"So you might consider tutoring, Sev?" she asked as Severus was on his second... or was it his fourth sip?

"Sure," he said, his speech a little slurred.

Draco quickly took Severus' drink away, which made the older wizard give him a look that was a cross between being affronted and confusion.

"Drinks have been lovely," Ginny said quickly as she and Draco each put an arm under Severus. "So nice to meet you, Rainbow; it was good to see you again, Mounga. But we really need to get some food into him now."

Severus was practically carried out the door. His friends could have used a Mobilicorpus spell, but that would have been even more embarrassing for Severus and his yet untarnished reputation in this small town.

The Potions master had a high tolerance level of alcohol. What he was not used to was the mix of lots of sugar and alcohol together, but Draco suspected there might have been something a little extra added as well. The sugar fed the alcohol, amplifying the effect greatly. On Severus' empty stomach and the strength of the distilled spirits in that alcoholic-filled edible bromeliad, the normally formal Potions master would have danced a jig on the bar singing "I've got a lovely pair of coconuts" if you asked him to; or it could have been that last unknown ingredient(s) that now sent him three sheets to the wind.

Draco was used to seeing Severus drunk on an empty stomach on scotch, gin, whiskey, and vodka, but whatever he’d drank certainly made Severus pissed in no time flat.

As they walked along the boardwalk, their packets rolled up and shoved in various pockets, while they used both hands to carry Severus, one under each arm, they spotted a noodle joint. Carting him inside and plopping him in the nearest chair at a table, since the sign said, "Seat Yourself", they asked the waitress for recommendations for something quick as their friend had just had a drink on an empty stomach and it had gone straight to his head.

"Eh, Eddie!" the waitress bellowed. "We got an empty bottle here! Ramen and fast!"

Before she’d even finished yelling across the small hole in the wall called a restaurant, a bowl of ramen noodles appeared right in front of Severus, topped with slices of pork, bean sprouts, green onions, and fish cake, all sitting in a rich pork broth.

Severus grabbed the chopsticks and tried to arrange them in his hands, but because his fingers were numb, the thin sticks of wood kept slipping out of his hands.

After the third try, one stick fell on the floor and Severus attempted to fetch it off the floor when Ginny huffed in exasperation, "Oh, for Merlin's sake!" She turned and was about to use her wand to Summon a fork when the waitress handed her a fork and spoon for Severus to use, giving her friend a look of pity.

Placing the fork in Severus' hand, Ginny watched with great difficulty as Severus forked a huge mouthful of ramen into his gob, but couldn't find the end of the long noodles, so he started chewing with a bunch of noodles still hanging from his mouth, draping into the bowl. He looked like Chtulu's idiot little brother.

Glancing over at Draco, Ginny saw that he was enjoying this immensely, trying not to bust up into fits of laughter.

"Oh Ginny, when we get a Pensieve, we have got to show Severus this."

Ginny glared at Draco, but then started laughing herself.

Once Severus got the hang of how to use a fork – again – they ordered a couple bowls of noodles for themselves. Ginny ordered a bowl of Vietnamese pho, and Draco ordered the Chinese wor wonton soup.

Half-way through his dinner, Severus started to come back down to reality.

"How did we get into this..." the confused inebriate was fumbling for the right word, "food-place."

"Restaurant," Ginny offered.

"Right, restaurant?"

"What was the last thing you remember, Severus?" Draco asked, wondering just what the hell was in Severus' drink, because Draco's Sharktini had also been potent, but it hadn’t knocked him for a loop like Severus' did.

Severus looked around, no longer slumped over his bowl of ramen. "I just had a sip of that drink. What was it called?"

"Wipe-Out," Ginny answered.

"Perfect name," Severus commented. "Or was it two sips... then next thing I know I'm here and evidently have eaten some...?"

"Ramen," Draco answered this time, enjoying his own bowl of soup, using a spoon.

The waitress – a name tag that said “Flo” – came back over and looked at Severus with her brows raised and asked, "Feeling better, sunshine?"

"Yes, much. Thank you." Severus saw the way the waitress smiled a little sardonically and shook her head as she walked away.

Severus did not even want to ask what spectacle he’d made of himself before coming to his senses. Even in his blindest drunk stupor, he could usually recall everything perfectly, even that time Draco found him piss drunk the night after he’d revealed himself to Hermione, and the offering of gin to Draco. There was that time he’d told Hermione to fuck-off, but that was a rare moment he did not recall with clarity while completely blathered. But whatever he’d drank made his mind a complete blank when trying to recall the events between the first sip and just a few minutes ago.

"I think Rainbow ordered that drink to get you to agree to tutor her son in Potions. You seemed to keep nodding your head as if agreeing," Draco filled his mentor in on lost time.

Severus was in the middle of shoving a fork full of twirled ramen noodles into his mouth when he gave a look to Draco as if to say, "I did not agree, did I?"

After chewing and swallowing, Severus said, "I will just have to clear the matter up with her later. But for tomorrow, a trip to offer something to Pele will be on the agenda. And then I guess we'd better make our appearance at the luau tomorrow night, since it seems we are expected. Besides, once there, I doubt we'll have to haul these around everywhere we go," Severus said as he pulled out his welcome packet which was now curled up and a bit rumpled, having been shoved in his pocket and sat upon.

He tapped his wand on his packet and it was once again flat and no longer creased.

Once dinner was over, paid for by Draco since he did make a trip to the bank, they perambulated down the sidewalk. Draco and Ginny were arm-in-arm, and Severus walked next to them, three abreast. Ginny eventually placed her other arm through Severus’ and the three strolled along, enjoying the tropical breeze that blew up from the shore nearby.

It was nearly nine at night and Severus felt wide awake as if it was morning time. He would have to brew some Invigoration Draughts and sleeping potions until his body adjusted to the new time zone. Then he realized he didn't have any space to work, now that he could brew Potions, nor did he have any equipment except for some knives and a few kitchen implements he’d brought along. He would have to see if Justina had a spare cauldron he could use in her kitchen to do some simple brewing until his long-term housing arrangements could be ironed out.

Ginny and Draco, who had not slept nearly as much as Severus did, were ready to turn in early. Given all that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, they were ready to get some much needed rest.

Severus said he would return to the hotel later and wanted to drink in the night.

The shore was a few short blocks away, so he walked towards it along the beach that stretched along the harbor in the nearly full moon. Looking about, he noticed a strange movement in the sand and wondered if it was a trick of the pale silvery light. Holding his wand out down towards the ground, he said, "Lumos."

The beach was covered in a carpet of insects crawling in every direction. It certainly took away the romantic notion of wishing Hermione was there walking with him, with the palm trees swaying and the moonlight on the shimmering water.

Ignoring the insects, as they were crushed beneath his sandals, Severus could imagine Ginny and Draco finally reaching the room to see giant cockroaches on the wall and mosquito netting he had read about, and had just viewed by wand-light.

These weren't ordinary cockroaches that scampered for darkness when you turned on the light, these were the infamous giant Hawaiian cockroaches, approximately one to three inches in length, that practically told you to fuck off and would fly at you, should you try to chase them away.

Yes, he could almost make out the distant noise of Ginny’s strident shriek of terror, but the sound of crashing surf masked the sound. Maybe Severus should have warned Ginny not to banish the geckos from their room. Pity she and Draco didn't read far enough along in their packets.

============

A/N: I have commissioned Miokah to do a piece of fan art of Drunk!Severus trying to eat ramen. You can view it here: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Drunk-Eating-COM-598629023

Thank you to be betas, JuneW and Cygnuz for their excellent beta skills in cleaning up this chapter.

Ohana means “family” in Hawaiian, so the Ohana Family Diner is actually the “Family Family Diner.”

If you want a sample of what was coming over the WWN while Severus, Draco and Ginny were shopping in Shark's shop, you can listen to some Hawaiian music here on YouTube: https://youtu.be/fjbiKCzlFZQ

I wrote this chapter in June 2014. So when I went to Kailua-Kona, Hawaii in April 2015, imagine my surprise when I discovered there was a restaurant called “Bongo Ben's” right in the heart of town, less than a year after I wrote about a bar called “Bongo's.” Talk about hitting very close to the mark.

If you think I am making up the cockroaches for my story, you are sadly mistaken. The cockroaches really are that big and aggressive in Hawaii:
http://www.instanthawaii.com/cgi-bin/hawaii?Animals.roach

My mom recounted the story of her and my father's second honeymoon for their 25th wedding anniversary. On Kauai, they had a room right on the beach. On one moonlit night, they decided to sit on a long log on the beach by their room and enjoy the moonlight on the water.

As my mother sat there, she said, "Honey, the sand is moving."

My dad said, "You're imagining it."

Until he looked closer and they both noticed the entire beach was covered with crawling insects.

They promptly went inside.

It was in the middle of summer and the insects are less prevalent on the beach in winter. I know it is early December for this chapter, but this was too good a scene not to incorporate into my story.
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And They Didn\'t Live Happily Ever After