All That You Leave Behind

Sorry it took so long to update, but Queen was busy with her real job, and Angst was busy angsting over her real life, and writer's block is a bitch! Fortunately for you, dear readers, we're past all that, and we've got a new chapter for you! Thank you very much to all who reviewed the last chapter, and to all of you who are sticking with us through this story and our erratic updating. Special thanks to Mariko; this chapter is dedicated to you, for your lovely review, and because you get it.



Chapter 74


Severus had wondered, and asked Albus about the "portal" that was to the back and right of his area, hidden from the outside of the canvas by the frame. Albus said he didn't know where it led, that Severus would have to find out for himself, but Severus hadn't yet had the courage. Now, however, he was sure he heard noise from that general direction, and was a bit startled when he distinctly heard a voice call "Hello? Can you hear me?" A voice that sounded very much like..........Ginevra?


Looking at Albus, and receiving an encouraging look along with the maddening and ever present twinkle, Severus turned and stepped through the portal, surprised and confused to find himself indeed eye to eye with Ginevra Potter. He saw her brown eyes well up with tears, even as she smiled, and heard her say, "Severus. It's so good to see you again!"


Severus blinked, astounded at seeing Ginny and the room beyond her. His former bedroom. He tried to compose himself, but his astonishment was too great, and he fumbled for something to say to her.


"You're surprised, aren't you?" she chuckled. She leaned the portrait up against the headboard of the bed and wiped at her tears. "Confused too, by the looks of it."


"How....how did...am..." Severus struggled, "I wasn't aware I had another...portrait.."


"I know," Ginny said, "I commissioned this one after......after you...d-died..." She took a deep breath and braced herself against the pain of remembering. "Harry was just so....lost without you, Severus," she said softly, "we both were....still are....we miss you dreadfully, and.....I just wanted to do something to make him feel better, and I thought......I thought if he.....if I had this portrait of you done, then he'd still have....he'd be able to talk to you, without going all the way to Hogwarts. And I would too.....although this is for Harry mostly. And, well, I don't know if....what you feel, or...if you still can, but I thought that maybe you would be a little comforted too, knowing you could see and talk to Harry."


The guilt. It was overwhelming as it flooded through him, staggering almost, and Severus found he couldn't look at her. He felt a lump rise in this throat, and hot stabs behind his eyes. He closed his eyes, gripping the edge of the frame, feeling undone by the pain his guilt caused. Still, behind that, there was a warm wave of love and affection for this slip of a girl who had accepted him into her life as a father figure, and given him something he'd had precious little of in his own life.


"Severus?" Ginny asked anxiously, "are....are you angry?"


He opened his eyes at the distress in her voice. Her worried expression caused another lance of pain. "No...no, Ginevra.....I am not angry," he said softly, "how could I be?"


Ginny bit her lip as she gazed at the beloved face before her. "Well....I couldn't ask you beforehand.....but I'm glad you're not angry, Severus. You're to be Harry's Christmas gift, and.....well, it's sort of your gift too, in a way. You'll get to see him again."


"I..... would like that very much," Severus said, forcing a smile.


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Harry rolled away from the warmth that was Ginny and yawned widely, resting an arm over his eyes. He didn't want to wake up, didn't want to get out of bed and face this day. Not at all. His stomach was churning at the thought, and he felt vaguely nauseous. He lay there listening to Ginny's soft breathing until rustling from her side of the bed told him that she too was awake. A soft hand slid over his stomach, and he felt the warmth of her against his side again, her head nestling onto his shoulder.


"I know you're awake," she murmured, "no use pretending."


He uncovered his eyes and opened them, finding Ginny's brown eyes looking back. "You don't want to do this anymore than I do," he said, his voice scratchy from sleep.


"No, but we don't really have a choice, do we?" she pointed out, "if we don't go, Mum will come looking for us, you know that."


"It just doesn't feel like Christmas," Harry sighed, "I don't know how cheerful I can be, Gin, I just keep thinking about how.....how......last year was," he finished, covering his eyes again and cursing himself. I will not cry!, he commanded himself furiously.


"I know, Harry," Ginny said, squeezing him tightly, "I know, but....let's just go, try to do our best, and get it over with. Then we can come home and get away from everyone."


Harry turned to his side, sliding his arms under and around his wife, throwing his leg over her and holding her tightly, grateful for her understanding, even as the guilt he felt nearly made him cry again. He didn't deserve her, he thought once again, she was so trusting of him and loving, and he'd abused that trust. He vowed to spend the rest of his life doing whatever he could to silently make up for what she would never know.


Ginny clung to Harry a few more moments before the need for air and James' wakening squall made her pull away. "C'mon," she said, rolling away and taking Harry's hand with her. "Let's take James to see the tree and open his gifts, and I'll get us some breakfast."


Harry allowed himself to be tugged out of bed and down the hall to their indignantly screeching son.


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For James' sake, Harry made himself appear cheerful as he once again reached out and plucked him away from the glowing Christmas tree. James was fascinated by the fairy lights and kept trying to grab them in his chubby hands in an effort to see if they tasted as good as they looked.


"Come away from there, James," he said, settling his son back into his lap. They were sitting on the floor, trying to get James interested in opening his gifts. It was somewhat of a losing battle; James appeared to be interested more in the fairy lights and brightly coloured papers than he was in the gifts themselves. Harry felt his forced cheerfulness fading fast as James struggled to launch himself at the tree again, and sighed heavily. "It's no good, Gin," he said, "I think he's still too little to care about any of this. He just wants the tree."


"Well, he has to learn he can't have everything he wants," Ginny smiled, grabbing her wand and casting a barrier spell at the tree. "There. Now he can try all he wants, but it won't do him any good. Mum taught me that spell. You can imagine how much she's used it."


"Yeah, good idea," Harry said half-heartedly and let his son go. James immediately crawled over to the tree, and his look of surprise made them both laugh. He remembered his gift for Ginny then. He mentally shook himself, trying to break out of his lethargy. All he really wanted to do was go back to bed and hide out til the day was over.


"Erm....I have a gift for you too, Gin," he said, making himself smile, "but it's under the tree."


"The spell only works on babies," she said, "you can reach through it, but......let's save our gifts to one another, and give them when we're back home and James is tucked up, okay?" She couldn't help the smile that crept across her face, thinking of her gift for Harry. After what was going to be a difficult day for him, she hoped he'd be pleasantly surprised.


Harry looked at the smile Ginny was trying to hide and wondered what she was up to. He hoped she hadn't done anything elaborate, because he didn't think he'd be able to drum up the required reaction after dinner with her family. No matter how the day went, good or bad, he was always going to know someone was missing.


"Sure," he said, his stomach roiling in dread at facing the day. "So.....are we going to announce the new baby to your family then?"


Ginny shook her head. "Do you mind if we wait? I'd rather get it "officially" confirmed like we did last time...you know....just in case....."


"Yeah," Harry agreed, determinedly fighting down the painful memories her words evoked. "I...I really don't think I'm up to the fuss today anyway."


Ginny smiled and reached over to squeeze his hand. "It'll stay our secret then. At least for a little while longer."


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So far, so good, thought Harry as he looked around the crowded dining table. Molly and Arthur had charmed part of the garden to be snowfree and warm, and they'd all helped to set the three dining tables end to end, and to set them for the delicious smelling dinner Molly had made. Harry felt bad.....he should be feeling good, surrounded by family; it was what he'd always wished for, a family who loved and accepted him, and that was what the Weasleys had done, even before he'd married their only daughter. And he did love them, his family, all of them, and missed them when he didn't see them for awhile, but.......the one he missed most would never be with them again.


He felt a warm hand slip into his under the table, and turned to see Ginny looking at him with sympathy, which made him feel like crying again. God, he didn't deserve her! He didn't deserve any of them, and if they only knew what he'd done, and with whom, they'd never speak to him again! How could he have risked all that?! The guilt bubbled up again, threatening to make the tears fall, but even so, underneath all that, deep in his heart, he knew that he could never regret what he'd had with Severus.


Ginny squeezed his hand, and he returned it gratefully, their attention drawn to the head of the table as Arthur raised his glass for the traditional Weasley Christmas toast.


"To family!" Arthur said, and they all repeated it, raising their glasses. Normally, after much glass clinking and general chaos, they would begin eating, but today, Harry found himself raising his glass again. Everybody stopped in the mad rush for food, to turn and look at him.


"Harry?" Arthur asked, "was there something you wished to say?"


"Yeah," Harry said, surprising himself at how strong his own voice sounded. "I'd like propose a toast to Severus, who is no longer with us....for.....f-for all he..." Harry felt his voice faltering, but pushed on. "all he did, and.....all he gave up....so that we could all be here together." His voice choked a bit on the last part, but he didn't care.


"Hear, hear," Arthur said, nodding at everyone, "to Severus."


Several raised their glasses again, until a voice sounded, making everyone freeze in place.


"To Fred," Ron's voice rang out, his tone clearly belligerent, "who is also no longer with us. Or did you forget about him, Harry?"


There were several small gasps from the women, and Harry's eyes quickly found Ron. His expression was just as belligerent looking as his voice sounded, and Harry was momentarily taken aback.


"N-no, Ron...I didn't mean......" Harry stuttered, shocked.


"You mean he's been dead a while, so we can just overlook him, right Harry?" Ron said viciously, and Harry wondered briefly if he were drunk. "Even though he was our brother, right? He's been gone, so we're all over him right? Or is it that he just didn't mean that much to you to begin with, Harry? Is that it?"


"Ron!" Hermione blurted, "how can you say something like that..."


Ron slammed his glass down on the table and abruptly stood, knocking his chair over behind him, glaring down at his wife. "How can I? Well, I don't know, Hermione. How could you? Fred lying dead in the Great Hall, and all you think to do is go save Snape? For Harry?!"


This brought a jumbled mass of confused voices up and down the table from the rest of the family, who had no idea of what Hermione had done.


"Ron!" Harry said sharply, trying to stop him from letting their secret out, from opening old wounds, but Ron wasn't to be deterred.


"That's right!" Ron shouted, seemingly uncontrollable now, "She had a time turner! Got it from McGonagall third year, and kept it without telling us! And when Fred was lying dead in the Great Hall, along with Remus and Tonks, and everybody else, Hermione went back to the Shrieking Shack and saved Snape! Not our brother Fred, Snape!"


"Ron!" Hermione sputtered woundedly, "I..I didn't choose Snape over Fred! I just....his portrait wasn't there!....and....D-Dumbledore...he..."


"Nobody has forgotten about Fred, Ron," Arthur tried intervening, "but Harry has just lost a close friend...."


"Close friend!" Ron scoffed, his angry red face turning toward Harry once again. "Oh yeah, he was a "close friend", wasn't he? Because he "protected" you all those years?? What about us? We're family! We protected you too, Harry, remember that?! We were family before you married my sister! But that doesn't count with you, does it, Harry? It's always about Snape with you! Your family doesn't count, do they?"


"Ron.." Arthur tried interjecting again, but was interrupted by George who stood up, an angry frown on his face.


"Enough!" he growled quietly at Ron, "I'm not suggesting Harry chose Snape over Fred, so why should you?" He looked at Hermione, who looked pale and a little frightened, and gave her a small smile, "If you went back for Snape instead of Fred then there must have been a reason."

Ron looked ready to interrupt, an ugly expression on his face, but George forestalled him, "No, Ron. Enough. I miss Fred, Merlin, every single day I miss Fred, but fighting amongst overselves isn't helping, and it certainly won't bring Snape or Fred back, or Remus or Tonks, or any of the others..." he stopped, thoughtful.

Shaking himself he held up his glass, "To absent friends,"

One by one the rest of the family lifted their drinks and echoed his toast. After being glared at by George and Hermione, Ron too echoed the toast.


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