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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

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LOST AND DAMNED

Who's the Victim if it Doesn't Make a Difference Now?

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"We're finally going to Godric's Hollow tomorrow."

"You should probably get some rest, then. You likely have a long day ahead of you."

"Not trying to get rid of me, are you?"

"Merely attempting to be certain that you are well prepared for the task ahead of you."

Harry sighed and shook his head, reaching over beside him to rearrange the pillows there to hold the mirror up. He had been laying down for a few minutes now, and holding the mirror from that position had been uncomfortable. He then settled back into his own pillow and looked back into the mirror, into the amused smile of his lover. "All I want right now is to spend time with you. We can go at any time tomorrow and we hardly have time to talk."

It had only been a few days since their last discussion, the day Draco had used their charmed Galleons to let them know that a Horcrux was hidden in a vault of Bellatrix Lestrange. It wasn't often they had been able to talk these past few months, though, and Harry was always willing to do whatever he could to spend as much time talking to Severus as possible. Everything was so serious and feeling more and more hopeless. Harry needed something happy and good to focus on.

"Well then talk, Mr. Potter," Severus said with an amused smile.

"You should lay down, too," Harry said. "Maybe it'll feel more like you're here."

"You are ridiculous."

"Just do it."

Severus stared at him.

Harry sighed heavily. "Please?"

"You hold the same childishly romantic thought-patterns Albus did," Severus grumbled as he moved from his desk to his own bed, laying down and propping up his own pillow to hold his mirror the same way Harry had. He looked completely uncomfortable where he laid and Harry chuckled.

"Sure you can't come pay me a visit?" Harry asked. "You wouldn't think it was so childish and romantic or whatever else then."

"I assure you, I would," Severus said. "And while I would very much like to, I do not think I can risk it just yet."

"Right," Harry said, still feeling strongly disappointed, though he had anticipated such an answer. The pair lapsed into silence after that, something Harry didn't completely notice at first. He spent several long seconds thinking of what it would be like if Severus did come see him and wondering if he ever would or could. When Harry brought himself back into focus, he found himself bothered by the lack of talk. It wasn't like they always held this long-winded conversations or anything…Many times when they were together, they were perfectly fine just silently enjoying the presence of one another. But it was a rare occasion they got to speak and even if this mirror had allowed more frequent communication, it still wasn't the same. Shouldn't there be more? Right now it was hard to enjoy being with one another (in a sense…it was the best way they could be with each other right now), because all he really could feel was anxiousness and awkwardness and feeling somewhat guilty, knowing that this was a waste of time. They both had "more important" things to be doing. It seemed wrong thinking of it that way…"waste of time" and "more important matters", but it was true.

They were at war.

"All we ever talk about are things related to the war, really," Harry mumbled after a minute. "Or how much we miss and love each other and want to see each other…" Realizing that was even more awkward. Did he really say those things that often? Didn't that make him sound like some girl or something? That was probably sexist or something, but Harry couldn't think of many blokes who just went around telling their partners things like that…not without being told first.

Severus chuckled darkly and pulled Harry from his thoughts. "There is a war going on…a war we both have very big roles in, Harry. We can't be normal right now."

"Right," Harry said. "Merlin…Makes sense, I guess. Just been hoping for different…I thought that if we did this I could get my mind off of everything. But I can't…and I probably shouldn't, either."

"No, you shouldn't," Severus said quietly. "The sooner we end this war the better."

Harry nodded slowly and sighed heavily as he forced himself to sit up and pulled the mirror back into his hands. "I'll go then…See if there's anything else I can…errr…do for tomorrow."

"That would be wise," Severus agreed, looking relieved to sit up, as well. "Be safe."

"Love you."

"I love you, too."

When Severus began to move on his end, Harry reluctantly slid his mirror under his pillow and sat on his bed a minute, soaking up the silence as he looked around the room. There really wasn't much more he had to do for tomorrow. They had been planning for a few days now. Only Hermione in all of her paranoia was triple and quadruple checking everything. It was getting late…So maybe he could try to sleep…

Somehow he doubted he'd be able to right now, but for lack of any other options, he turned off his light and climbed under the covers. To be honest, he had never felt more useless in his life. He and Hermione spent their days going over the same ideas, the same books, the same everything. They never got anything new. People were dying out there…captured and tortured…Hogwarts wasn't the same. Voldemort had taken over and he was ruining everything, and what was Harry doing? Hiding out in this house getting nothing done. Only three more objects, one unknown, and they could be anywhere in the world. Who was to say Voldemort hadn't been smart and hid them somewhere random…Safe, but some place no one would expect. There had to be more places like that than anything else, right? Were they going to have to search the entire earth to find these things? The only real breakthrough had come this morning when Hermione made a point about the Sword of Gryffindor…How it was goblin-made, how it would imbibe only that which made it stronger, and how it was impregnated with basilisk venom and thus could destroy Horcruxes…

But they didn't have it. Hermione had a theory that it might be hidden somewhere in Godric's Hollow, as well, but that was really all she had come up with. She considered for one excited moment that Dumbledore might have given it to Bathilda Bagshot, but Harry had ot remind her that Severus had warned them not to meet her.

They weren't doing enough. Harry frowned and rubbed his hands over his face before raking them through his hair.

Tomorrow they were headed for Godric's Hollow…That was a start. They had to find something there.

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It was late the following afternoon when Hermione deemed them ready to leave. Death Eaters had stopped showing up outside of Grimmauld Place frequently, but Hermione still left under the Invisibility Cloak to take hairs from a Muggle family taking a walk down the street. Kreacher managed to help them find clothes that would fit them and promised a warm meal when they returned home. Harry and Hermione thanked the little creature before Hermione finally put the hairs into two separate phials of Polyjuice Potion and handing one to Harry.

"And you're sure this is the bloke?" Harry asked hesitantly. Their first encounter with Polyjuice had been disastrous for Hermione, so Harry found himself a bit wary of the stuff. He had even been uncertain about it when he had to use it for Percy and Penelope's wedding.

"I'm sure," Hermione said irritably. She was still wearing the locket. Holding up her own phial, she scrunched up her face as she downed the potion.

Harry did the same.

Harry watched as Hermione's face melted and morphed into that of a homely middle aged woman with short auburn hair and hazel eyes and grew a few inches. Harry plucked off his glasses when his vision became bad and found that this Muggle, at least, had good vision. He put his glasses into the pocket of his now fitting clothes and frowned when he realized Hermione was an inch or two taller than him. "Damn it. Even in Polyjuice I'm still short," he grumbled. Height was the least of his worries at the moment, but it at least made Hermione crack a smile. Harry was a middle aged man with dark blond hair and pale blue eyes. He didn't really feel short on his own…The Muggle was an inch or so taller than he was, but his wife, apparently, was still taller and Harry still felt short.

"Well…Let's go, then," Hermione said. She made sure her little purse was on her before throwing the Cloak over them and checked to make sure she had her purse again while under it. Harry could tell she was just itching to look through it again, making sure they had everything. Harry took her hand and they walked to the door together, working to get them both out of the door without moving the Cloak to where it would come up around their ankles. There was still no sign of Death Eaters out there. Hermione moved closer and squeezed his hand more tightly before Apparating to Godric's Hollow.

The ended up standing in a snowy lane under a dark blue sky, the sun having just set and the first stars having just appeared. Cottages stood on either side of the narrow road and Christmas decorations were twinkling in the windows. A short ways ahead of them there was the glow of golden streetlights.

"All of this snow!" Hermione whispered anxiously from beneath the Cloak. "Why didn't we think of snow? After all our precautions, we'll just leave prints! We'll just have to get rid of them-you go in front, I'll do it-"

It was hard enough keeping the Cloak around them both without having to walk one in front of the other and trying to cover up footprints at the same time. Harry shook his head.

"Let's take off the Cloak," said Harry and when she looked frightened, "Oh, come on, we don't look like us and there's no one around."

Harry stowed the Cloak under his jacket and they made their way forward, the icy air stinging their faces as they passed more cottages. Hermione shivered and looked tense and Harry wasn't sure if it was from the cold or fear or both. He kept hold of her hand, though, and stood close by her. He looked around at the houses all around them, wondering which one was Bathilda Bagshot's house…Wondering which one had been his house. Where had he been when he was younger? Had his parents ever walked these streets with him?

"They…they'll be in there, won't they? Your mum and dad? I can see the graveyard behind the church."

Harry glanced up and followed Hermione's eyes to the church up ahead of them. He could hear voices singing carols within it. He licked his lips, feeling a thrill of excitement and fear within him. He had wanted to come see them for so long, but now…Now he wasn't so sure. Hermione must have sensed this, because she squeezed his hand and took the lead for the first time and Harry let himself be pulled away.

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Severus Snape had never enjoyed Christmastime so much before. There had never been any real reason to, and it was hardly Christmas cheer that had him in a somewhat calmer mood. With the majority of students at home for the holidays, it meant a relatively stress-free environment. Fewer students than usual stayed behind, and Severus had a feeling that Neville Longbottom and Hannah Abbott only stayed behind to try to protect some of those who had no choice but to stay. Only four of the Slytherins remained…Daphne and Astoria Greengrass, because their parents seemingly had more important things to do during the holidays than spend time with their daughters. Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini only seemed interested in sticking around to suck up to the Carrows and help terrorize the other students.

Nothing too bad had happened so far, though.

As he did every night, Severus found himself walking the darkened corridors. Everything was still and silent. The few students here aside from Longbottom and Abbott were too terrified to dare be caught roaming the halls by night. He didn't believe anyone had detention, though he would be sure to pass by Amycus and Alecto's offices to be sure. He eyed the walls as he walked by them, still finding the graffiti on the walls horrifying. The castle was old and to be respected…He didn't care how badly these idiots wanted to make a statement, they didn't need to do so on the walls. Severus didn't have the time to go hunt down something to clean off the walls and no one else seemed very interested in finding them. Most students seemed to possess the Weasley Wizard Wheezes special permanent markers.

There were drawings of phoenixes, lightning bolts, a stick figure Harry Potter standing victorious over cowering Death Eaters, and even a pretty detailed and gruesome drawing of a lion, an eagle, and a badger feeding on a dead serpent, and awful drawings of Severus, Alecto, and Amycus looking particularly hideous…Severus's nose was usually three times longer than his head, Amycus usually had abnormally large bloodshot eyes, and Alecto usually had warts and fangs. Mostly, though, the students only had the time to write out various phrases.

SUPPORT HARRY POTTER

SUPPORT THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX

DEATH TO YOU-KNOW-WHO

MUGGLES ARE PEOPLE TOO

BUGGER OFF YOU DEATH EATERS

DUMBLEDORE WAS THE GREATEST WIZARD TO EVER LIVE

R.I.P DUMBLEDORE

BUGGER OFF SNAPE

SNAPE IS AN EVIL, GREASY GIT

D.A. STILL RECRUITING

SUPPORT THE D.A.

And other similar sayings. A few of the words about him were charmed to follow him wherever he went, sometimes having to go through some trouble maneuvering around other words and drawings if a particular wall was busy enough and would take a few minutes to catch up with him. Even now he could hear a sharp whistling sound and he glanced to his left, seeing a blur of color skid to a stop beside him, electric blue words announcing GO BUGGER YOURSELF, SNAPE! that began slowly moving along the wall in the direction he moved. A flash of pink on the other wall announced that another had caught up to him.

In the distance he heard a strange noise and paused a moment, trying to determine what it was and where it was coming from. With nothing else to do and his curiosity inspired, Severus turned a corner and moved swiftly, seeing blurs of color follow in his peripheral vision. He had gotten used to it by now and didn't find it nearly so distracting or annoying as he used to. He paused at another corner to figure out where to turn next and walked down another corridor. He slowed down when he became aware of what was happening.

There was sobbing and whispered, muttered words.

"Neville, please, stop!" Hannah Abbott was pleading in a shaky voice.

"I'm not going to stop!" Neville Longbottom snapped. "That…that greasy…bastard needs to know!"

"He won't care, Neville!" Abbott said.

"I…I can't…I can't believe!" sobbed another female voice.

"Shhh…It'll…It'll be o…okay, Megan," Abbott said reassuringly with a hiccup.

"It will not bloody well be okay if this keeps up!" Longbottom hissed.

"Well…Let's…let's tell Professor McGonagall or Professor Sprout!" Abbott said.

"What are they-"

"Tell me what?" came a new voice. It was Minerva.

Severus slowly walked closer and paused by the corner, listening.

"Eloise Midgen had detention with the Carrows tonight," Longbottom said angrily.

"I was there with her," Megan Jones said quietly.

"And?" prompted Minerva.

It was quiet for a moment. Jones was sobbing loudly again and Abbott was sniffling. Severus peered around the corner to see Longbottom standing there, clenching his fists. He looked furious. His cheeks were bright red and tears were steaming down his face, lips pressed into a tight line. He seemed to be struggling with control at the moment. His lips moved, but Severus couldn't' hear what he said. Minerva looked alarmed. "Pardon me, Mr. Longbottom?"

"They…killed…her," Longbottom choked out.

Severus's eyes widened, fists clenching at his sides. Minerva gasped, hand clutching at her chest and he swayed on her feet, reaching out to catch herself on the wall. Midgen was…or rather had been one of her little lions. An ugly girl with a crooked nose and who had used to be covered in horrible acne. Severus remembered the girl in his classes…Grading her assignments harshly and watching his Slytherins torment her in class. A seventh year girl…Harry's year in Gryffindor…Dead.

Dead.

"Dear Merlin," Minerva gasped. "Are you sure? Be sure before you-"

"I'm positive," Jones sobbed. "I s-saw them…They…They used the…the Killing Curse on her! And I…and I checked…and she's…she's just…she's gone, Professor!"

"Oh dear," Minerva sighed. "Are…are you alright, dear?"

"No," Jones sobbed.

"Tell me what happened, Miss Jones," Minerva encouraged.

"We…We had detention because…because we didn't…didn't get back to our…to our common rooms in time, they said," Jones explained. "So they…they wanted us to curse each other, but we didn't want to…Eloise…Eloise was my best friend! And…and…and so they…they started c-cursing us and they Im…Imperio-ed us and made us…made us fight and then Crucio-ed us and…and…then they said…they said they wanted to tea…teach us the b-best c-curse and so…so they killed her and…they laughed at me and…and asked if I wanted to j-join m-my friend and…and the woman…she…she said I would…I would like it too much and that they shou-shouldn't do it…Then I went to tell Hannah and she was with Neville and then Neville wanted to go yell at Snape…"

"Longbottom!" Minerva said in a warning tone.

"He needs to know!" Longbottom huffed.

"He won't care!" Abbott reminded him.

"I know!" Longbottom snapped. "I know he won't care! But someone needs to stand up to them! Someone needs to let them know that this isn't okay! We have to do something! If people have to start dying here…This…This isn't right! We can't let this happen!"

"Mr. Longbottom, you listen to me," Minerva said sternly. "Being openly rebellious will not do you any good…Do you want more people to get hurt? We haven't been doing enough, but I assure you, Mr. Longbottom, we are doing all that we can to protect you and your classmates. The fact that one of my Gryffindors had to die tonight…is…awful. And I will make sure…now more than ever…that we do all that we can and then some. I will not let another one of my students die. Therefore, I must stop you from doing this. It would be incredibly foolish to attack our headmaster, even if it was only in a verbal manner."

Longbottom sighed. "I'm sorry, Professor McGonagall."

"Be safe," Minerva told them. "Longbottom, please escort Misses Abbott and Jones back to their dormitories and return to Gryffindor Tower. I will write you all an excuse that will hopefully be respected if you are stopped. I will…I will go see about Miss Midgen."

"Yes, Professor," Longbottom said, voice exhausted now. "C'mon, Hannah…Megan."

Severus listened as Minerva Summoned a quill and parchment and listened to the scratch of her writing them a note and sending them along. He didn't dare move, though he quickly pulled himself back together. He pushed back his growing fury with the Carrows and straightened up. There was no time to think about his dead student now. He turned the corner as he heard Minerva approaching and smirked as they stopped in front of each other right before they would collide. Minerva glowered at him.

"One of our students has been killed tonight, Severus," Minerva said sharply.

"So I heard," he replied, raising an eyebrow. "As headmaster I will be sure to let the family know of this…tragedy."

"As her Head of House, I would not mind taking said duty off of your very busy hands," Minerva said.

Severus bowed his head to her. "I am confident that your capabilities in showing sympathy will be better than mine." And Minerva would have more of an opportunity to tell them the truth of what took place, though Severus would still be sure to send his own letter with excuses of some tragic accident that took place, to keep up his own pretenses. "My condolences, of course, Minerva. If you will excuse me, however, I do have more important matters to tend to."

"Of course you do," Minerva said coldly, storming past him and down the hall. Severus swallowed hard and turned, heading in the other direction, heading towards the dungeons. He had two teachers he needed to have a very important discussion with.

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On this spot, on the night of 31 October 1981,

Lily and James Potter lost their lives.

Their son, Harry, remains the only wizard

ever to have survived the Killing Curse.

The house, invisible to Muggles, has been left

in its ruined state as a monument to the Potters

and as a reminder of the violence

that tore apart their family.

Harry stared at the sign and the many notes that had been scribbled on it. Good luck, Harry, wherever you are! If you read this, Harry, we're all behind you! Long live Harry Potter! Harry beamed, even as Hermione indignantly exclaimed, "They shouldn't have written on the sign!"

"It's brilliant. I'm glad they did."

They stood in front of the remains of the Potter's home. The hedge that had grown wild, the waist high grass, the big hole in the roof…Never touched, left alone for the past sixteen years. His heart felt so full and he couldn't remember feeling so close to his parents or to his past than he did right now. He wanted to get closer…Maybe it wasn't totally safe, but he wanted to be closer…to look inside, if he could.

His attention was pulled away by a heavily muffled figure hobbling up the lane towards them. Hermione nudged him without looking, so she obviously hadn't seen that he already saw her. Her entire body and slow way of moving gave the impression of extreme age. They watched in silence as she drew nearer. Harry was waiting to see if she would turn into any of the cottages if she passed, feeling more anxious and curious the closer she got. At last she came to a halt a few yards from them and simply stood there in the middle of the frozen road. Hermione turned to glance at him questioningly while Harry just watched the woman, frowning as she beckoned them forward.

"You…You think that could be…?" Hermione asked.

"Who?"

"B…Bathilda Bagshot," Hermione replied.

The woman beckoned again. Harry eyed her. "She could be."

"What should we do?" Hermione asked in a panicked whisper.

"We should go," Harry said reluctantly. They hadn't been here that long and they hadn't even learned much of anything. He had gotten to see his parents' graves and his old house. But he was suddenly made aware of all that they hadn't done and he felt disappointed.

"We could…maybe…come back another time…" Hermione whispered, though she quickly clutched Harry's arm and they Disapparated.

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"We were just teaching them a lesson, headmaster!" Amycus argued, looking stunned.

Severus looked slowly between the siblings. "Regardless of what you were trying to do, I do not want any more of my students murdered."

"And why is that?" Alecto demanded, glaring at him suspiciously.

"They're not that useful!" Amycus agreed.

"The Dark Lord will not want you to murder half of the student population," Severus snarled, glowering at them. The suspicious way they glared at him, though, made Severus feel uneasy. He couldn't just let them get away with killing Eloise Midgen, but he also had a bad feeling that this was going to bite him in the arse.

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Lost and Damned