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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
- 75
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LOST AND DAMNED

Everyday You're Getting Closer

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"They should be safe, at least for tonight. The Dark Lord called Amycus and Alecto to a meeting," Severus explained as soon as he closed the door to the headmaster's office. The portraits of past headmasters all turned with interest to either Severus or to the portrait of Albus Dumbledore behind his desk.

"Is there reason to concern that he has not involved you in his latest meetings?" Albus asked as Severus walked across the room to the desk, turning the chair behind it around so that he could face the painting.

"I do not believe so. He intends to visit soon," Severus admitted. "I doubt he will involved himself with the students, but he does send messages through the Carrows, by owl, or by Theodore Nott. I believe he merely does not want the school unsupervised for any amount of time and has more faith in me than in them. Not that I can blame him…Loyal to him they may be, but the Carrows are just as mad as the Lestranges. They could well go too far if left to their own devices."

The fact that they had already gone too far even while under his care was left unspoken, though the words were on the tip of his tongue. There was no use in wallowing over his failure in that respect and no time at all could be wasted mourning what he could have done differently to spare Eloise Midgen her life.

"Yes," Albus said quietly, sadly in a way that let Severus know that his mind was on the young dead girl, as well. Albus didn't blame him, but hearing his sorrow over the lost life made Severus want to cringe, some amount of guilt building up inside all over again.

"No one was sent to the infirmary today, so I suppose we can call today a blessing," Severus said. That wasn't to say no one had gotten hurt, and Severus did wonder if he should have worried about the lack of serious injuries, but today had gone rather well compared to most days.

"Good, very good," Albus said.

"I did manage to come across a copy of your…biography…today, Albus," Severus remarked, digging into his robes and pulling out the Rita Skeeter book he had confiscated from Daphne Greengrass earlier today. With little news of real importance to share, Severus figured it was high time he addressed the many things he had been hearing around Hogwarts lately. The staff (excluding the Carrows) was appalled and furious over the rumors. Those students in Dumbledore's Army felt the same way about the whole thing. Those children of Death Eaters or Death Eater wanna-bes were highly amused by the whole thing. Everyone else seemed confused and unsure of what to think. Severus had only gotten his hands on the source of all of the trouble today and had only had time to read a small bit of it.

"Ah, did you?" Albus asked, a knowing smile on his lips. "I assume, then, that you have questions?"

"Just one," Severus replied. "For now," he added, deciding it was safer to do so. Severus didn't care much about what he had heard about Albus's father. What Percival Dumbledore had done and his reasoning behind it were his own and Severus could not fault Albus for such decisions, lest he wanted the world to add his parents' sins to his own. "Concerning your…relationship to Grindelwald."

"A foul woman she might be, but Rita Skeeter does have remarkable talent for both manipulating the truth into grandiose tales and for uncovering truths just as scandalous and outrageous as her lies," Albus said.

Severus wasn't sure what to make of that, but it did not bode very well. "For once in— " he cut himself off before he could say life and continued "speak plainly."

Albus chuckled. "Very well. I was close to Gellert Grindelwald in my youth," he confessed with a sad smile. "Though you might want to tell me what all she has said before I admit more than that."

Severus sighed and flipped through the book until he reached the first mention of Grindelwald. "The very summer that Dumbledore went home to Gordic's Hollow, now an orphan and head of the family, Bahtilda Bagshot agreed to accept into her home her great-nephew, Gellert Grindelwald…" He read the entire passage aloud, wanting to miss no details, should any of those he thought to be insignificant turned out to have bigger meaning. He spoke for several minutes in low tones to the hushed room, all of the portraits silent and eagerly listening in. "…Is it possible that Ariana Dumbledore was the first person to die for the greater good?"

"I assume you'll want to know more of Aberforth and Ariana, as well," Albus said quietly. "But as to your first question…Though you never did form a question, my dear Severus." Severus shot him a glare and Albus chuckled. "Oh, that look, my boy. You know you would make some sarcastic remark to anyone who told you they had a question and then never actually formulated a question. I am much kinder, I assure you.

"My relationship with Gellert Grindelwald is bound to be very shocking to everyone. I will admit to some intrigue over his ideas, but I like to think I was not so sinister as she implies. He was a confidant…the first person I could really communicate with and share my ideas with. I believe I was arrogant in my youth and believed that only he was as brilliant as me and that we understood one another in ways no one else could dream. He was my best friend…and my lover."

It had been strange and a bit disconcerting to think of Albus being friends once upon a time with a Dark wizard he eventually defeated. He never imagined they could have known each other before Grindelwald rose to power and became a threat, let alone any close ties. Severus surely had never considered that Albus had been lovers with Grindelwald. His shock must have shown, as he was doing little to hide it. Albus only smiled warily and watched him curiously as the words slowly began to sink in.

"Go on," Severus finally said quietly.

Albus nodded. "As you read in the book, Gellert left after Ariana's death. We kept contact for a short time and we visited one another now and then in secret. As Grindelwald ascended to power and became more ruthless and dominating, I knew I had to stop him. Our relationship disintegrated as we focused on our newfound enmity, though I am ashamed to admit that no vile deeds Gellert ever performed were enough to destroy what love I held for him. In the end, I had to face him, duel him, and ultimately defeat him, condemning him to lifelong imprisonment in his own creation, Nurmengard."

The other portraits were murmuring to each other, but Severus paid them no mind. He only watched his mentor closely, carefully going over the new information in his head. It was impossible to conjure a good mental image of anything…a young Dumbledore and Grindelwald, any sort of relationship, and especially their famous duel. He could only imagine trying to fight Harry, aiming to hurt and defeat and found it almost painful.

"Is that why you never killed him?" Severus asked curiously. He could hardly blame Albus; he wasn't sure he could kill Harry, even if he had to.

"I would never kill unless there was no other option," Albus said. "At the same time, I cannot say my feelings for Gellert never entered the equation."

Severus nodded and settled back more comfortably in his chair. He felt a bit odd about the whole situation and wasn't sure he would any time soon get used to the idea of Albus Dumbledore and Gellert Grindelwald as lovers, but it was hardly important now. Albus was dead and Grindelwald was in Nurmengard. He was curious and tempted to ask more of Albus's history with Grindelwald, but somehow this didn't feel like the right time. "And your family?"

"The matter of the Dumbledore family is a long and complicated tale, my boy, and best suited for another day," Albus said. "I feel that tonight is a good night for you to give the Sword of Gryffindor to Harry. Without the Carrows around, I trust that the students will remain safe until your return."

"Of course," Severus said, feeling both relieved at the prospect of being able to help Harry and irritated that it had taken so long for Albus to decide he could give the boy the sword. Albus's portrait swung open, revealing the true Sword of Gryffindor and Severus took the heavy weapon.

"Remember, he must only take possession of it under conditions of valor," Albus reminded him.

"Yes, I remember," Severus assured him as the portrait swung closed again. "Although, I am still unsure of how to go about creating such a condition."

"It will come to you," Albus promised with a smile that Severus would have liked nothing more than to slap off of his painted face. Wise he may be, but Albus was never helpful enough when he needed him to be. Without another word, Severus hid the sword in his robes and wrapped his arms around himself as he left the office, walking quickly away from the office. He could waste no time fiddling around and cursing Albus's name. He had to get to London quickly and find a way to hide the sword and get Harry to it.

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It had been a long day for Harry and Hermione. It was two days after their trip to Godric's Hollow and they had visited again just a few short hours ago. They found nothing and their visit had been cut short yet again by the appearance of Bathilda Bagshot. When they returned home, Hermione couldn't get out of her books and Harry had eaten dinner with Kreacher and had taken a long shower to help relax and get his mind off of things. When he finally went downstairs to talk with Hermione, he found her asleep on the floor, surrounded by her books and her notes. He carefully picked her up and left her things on the floor and carried her upstairs to her room and took careful time to tuck her in. When she was in place and appeared to remain peacefully asleep, Harry carefully reached around to take the locket from her and put it on himself. Harry didn't even want to know what kind of dreams he would have if he was wearing the Horcrux.

There wasn't much to do. Kreacher took care of all of the cooking and cleaning and while he was nice enough nowadays, he didn't make for ideal company. Harry knew better than to think he would find anything new in all of the books. He had read them more than he had read any other book and if Hermione had found nothing yet, Harry didn't know how he might. Going over their notes also seemed useless. He knew what they all said and while not doing anything made him feel bad, Harry also knew there was nothing he could do right now. The only thing that held any interest at the moment was hopes of being able to talk to Severus through the mirror later, and since they hadn't spoken since before he left to Godric's Hollow the first time, Harry was hopeful they would be able to talk soon. Other than that, there was nothing, really, for him to do.

He went to his own room and placed the mirror by his knee and pulled out the Marauder's Map to see what he could of the people at school, check where Severus was and where his friends were and who all was in the infirmary. There weren't many names gathered there today and Harry smiled. Only Susan Bones, Megan Jones, and Stavros Agnos and there was even (to Harry's delight) the name of Slytherin Gregory Goyle. That was promising, at least. It wasn't often the Death Eater children ended up there. A small victory worth celebrating. Harry grinned and spread out more of the Map. Neville Longbottom and Romilda Vane were sneaking down the corridor together towards where Harry knew must be the Room of Requirement. Harry had no clue what they'd be doing together or going there for and quickly checked for names of D.A. members in other areas of the castle. It could be a meeting.

Harry was so immersed in the Map, he almost didn't notice the arrival of something else in the room. Only the bright light of the doe Patronus was enough to make him squint and glance up in surprise. That was strange…Only Hermione and Kreacher were here and Hermione's Patronus was an otter. He had seen talking Patronuses and wondered if this was a message from an Order member. The doe didn't speak. She only looked at Harry and Harry looked back until all speculations faded away and he was left with the strangest feeling that he should know who this was. He slowly relaxed and watched the doe until she finally turned away and walked off.

"No! Come back!" Harry called out, shoving the Map aside and sliding out of bed, following the creature out into the hallway, downstairs, and out the front door. He didn't have time to put on a coat or shoes and didn't think it would be wise to waste the time to do so. He might lose her! There were thankfully no Death Eaters outside (that he could see) and he made sure he had his wand tucked away safely on him. It was hard to focus on anything else. He followed her down the pavement on the side of the street and down a smaller road on the side that led to a nearby park. There were warning signs everywhere warning people to stay away and that there were plans to construct the area into something better than a small, useless park. The doe kept going and Harry kept following, ignoring everything else. Somehow he knew he was safe with her.

Finally she came to a halt and turned her beautiful head towards him once again. She turned her head to the right and Harry rushed to catch up to her now that she had stopped. As he neared, though, opening his mouth to ask a question, she vanished. Harry stopped as her brilliant light disappeared, leaving him momentarily blinded in the sudden darkness. Harry fumbled for his wand and cast a quick lumos. Fear slowly crept over him. Her presence had meant safety, but now that she was gone…

Had it been a trap?

Harry shook his head and held his wand up high, looking all around him. No one immediately ran out and attacked him, no wild flashes of light coming at him, nothing. So why had she led him here? And why was she gone now?

Something gleamed in the light of the wand and Harry spun around, heart racing. Nothing out of place, just a small frozen pool. Harry moved forward cautiously and looked down into it, almost immediately looking back up and all around him. Nothing. He still had the eerie feeling of being watched. Making sure to stay alert, he looked down again and almost expected something to reach out and grab him. He held his breath and again nothing happened. He peered more closely into the pool and noticed something else glinting down below. Harry squinted and tried to get a better look at it, hoping the shape would make sense. It looked like a…His eyes widened. A great silver cross.

His heart skipped into his mouth and he dropped to his knees at the pool's edge and angled his wand so that the light would shine more upon the object below. A glint of deep red in the silver. A sword with glittering rubies in the hilt. The sword of Gryffindor was lying at the bottom of the pool!

He was barely breathing as he stared down at it, trying to make sense of it. How was this possible? How had it gotten here? Harry lifted his wand again and looked around for any sign of any creature nearby. Frowning, Harry turned back to the sword and aimed his wand down at it. "Accio sword!"

It did not stir. He wasn't all that surprised. Nothing could be that easy. Not when it came to this. He let out a deep breath and stood up. He was going to have to go in after it, he guessed. There was no other way he could think to get it out. He took another moment walking around a few yards, checking the surrounding area before walking back to the pool and stripping off his clothes. Now that he wasn't focused on the doe or the sword he realized how freezing he was and taking off his clothes was only making it worse. He began to shiver and his teeth started to chatter and yet he kept going until he was standing there in nothing but his underwear in the snow. He placed his pouch on top of the pile of clothes before aiming his wand at the pool.

"Diffindo."

It cracked with the sound like a bullet in the silence. The surface broke off into chunks. As far as Harry could tell it wasn't that deep, but to get the sword he would have to go in completely. He placed the wand on the ground still lit and tried not to think about his task too much and instead focused on gathering enough courage to just do it. After a few seconds of wiggling about he finally took a deep breath and jumped.

It hurt. Every inch of his body felt as though it was being stabbed by hundreds of sharp, ice cold knives and his lungs seemed to freeze solid. Even his brain felt like a large block of ice. He pushed through the dark water to the bottom and reached out, groping for the sword. His fingers closed around the hilt and he pulled it upward.

Then something closed tight around his neck. He thought of water weeds, but he didn't think any had brushed against him when he dived. He raised his empty hand to free himself. It wasn't a weed but the chain of the Horcrux that had tightened and was slowly constricting around his throat. Immediately he kicked out wildly and tried to push himself back to the surface, but only managed to kick himself back a few feet into the rocky side of the pool. Thrashing and suffocating, he scrabbled at the strangling chain. His frozen fingers seemed unable to pull it away. He could barely feel or move them at all. Little lights were starting to pop inside his head and he knew he was going to drown. His chest was tight and pained. He could barely feel anything at all anymore. He could feel himself starting to black out a bit, losing consciousness.

All of a sudden the chain's grip on his neck was gone and he breathed in sharply and immediately began to choke and retch. He was soaked and colder than he had ever been in his life, everything feeling so numb, but not numb enough to drive away the horrible feeling that burned into his flesh. Somewhere close by, another person was panting and coughing and staggering around. Hermione, he thought…but after a moment he thought better. Not with those deep coughs and not judging by the weight of the footsteps. He didn't have the energy or strength to lift his head or open his eyes to see his savior.

"You would think…I've had en…ough of…saving your pathetic…hide, P-Potter."

Only the shock of hearing that familiar voice was enough for Harry to get up. Shivering violently, he staggered to his feet and almost fell down instantly. Strong arms reached out to grab him and pull him against a firm chest. Harry immediately wrapped his arms around Severus and buried his face in that familiar neck. Severus held him back tightly and Harry could feel something heavy against his back, but thought nothing of it just yet. "Y-y-you-you're h-h-here," Harry gasped.

"Brilliant observation," Severus said breathlessly. "Get your clothes on."

Harry pulled away with some reluctance and went to his pile of clothes still by the pool. He eyed the water warily as he pulled on his sweater and his pants. Severus raised an eyebrow at him. "That is hardly proper attire for this weather," he said, voice coated in disapproval.

"Yeah, well," Harry said, ducking his head in shame for a second before looking back up. Severus was holding the broken chain of the Horcrux in one hand and the sword of Gryffindor in the other. "You. You cast the doe?"

Severus froze for a moment, something strange crossing his black eyes before nodding slowly.

"H…How did you know where the sword was?" he asked.

"Let's get you back to that house," Severus said instead. Harry glared at him, but figured he could further interrogate Severus from Grimmauld Place. He walked over to Severus and let the man pull him into his arms before Apparating to the front door and they walked inside. Harry closed the door and turned expectantly to Severus who scoffed. "Let's get you warm. I'll explain everything shortly."

Sighing but not protesting, Harry followed Severus upstairs and let himself be pulled into his bedroom and followed Severus to his bed, being pulled beneath the covers. Severus placed the sword and the Horcrux on the foot of the bed and pulled Harry close to him. It was hard to be too irritated by the lack of answers with Severus holding him this way, arms rubbing up and down his arms and back, trying to warm him up. They said nothing for a few minutes as Harry trembled violently as his body got used to the warmth and only when Harry seemed to relax fully did Severus kiss the top of his still wet hair.

"I put the sword there," Severus explained quietly.

"What?" Harry demanded, trying to sit up, but Severus tightened his grip and kept him there.

"The real sword of Gryffindor was hidden behind Albus's portrait in the headmaster's office. He refused to let me give it to you until he said. I partially think he did not want me to leave the castle until the Carrows were away, for the safety of the students, but I feel it must have been more than that. I can't know why he chose to wait," Severus said, obviously agitated with the old man. Harry agreed. Why would Dumbledore want to wait? Wasn't getting rid of these Horcruxes the most important thing? Harry snuggled closer to Severus and kissed the side of his neck. "The sword can only be taken under conditions of valor, or so he said. I couldn't think of anything more…creative…than that. I wasn't sure it would work…I didn't think you would actually be in any danger," he said darkly.

"Why did that happen?" Harry asked.

"I'm not certain, but I believe the Horcrux might have known its demise was near and doing all in its power to avoid it," Severus explained, glaring down the bed at the locket.

"They can do that?" Harry asked, staring down at it, as well. That was a scary thought. How did you even go about destroying those things if they tried to get away?

"I don't know much about Horcruxes, Potter," Severus grumbled.

"I thought you knew everything," Harry mumbled and sighed heavily, trying to pull away. Severus looked at him sharply and Harry laughed. "S'alright. I'm fine. We just…We should get rid of it, y'know?"

"Of course," Severus said and pushed himself up. Harry sat up with him and looked down the bed at the Horcrux and the sword. This was it. They finally had a way of destroying the Horcrux. Hermione had found out that the sword could get rid of them, since it was imbedded with basilisk venom. At least, that was the theory. They could finally get rid of it…finallydo something. It almost didn't seem real.

"What are you waiting for?" Severus said after a few minutes.

"Maybe it should be you," Harry said.

Severus scoffed. "Don't tell me you're worried."

"No," Harry said, rolling his eyes. "Only you're the one who got the sword."

Silence fell over them as Severus turned his attention back to the sword and the locket. "A Slytherin using the sword of Gryffindor," Severus sighed, tossing back the sheets and sliding out of bed. Harry stood up, too, not pleased about abandoning the warmth and comfort of the bed and Severus, but this was far more important.

"I'll open it and you stab it straightaway," Harry said. "Whatever's in there will probably put up a fight. The bit of Riddle in the diary tried to kill me."

Severus nodded and grabbed the sword and Harry looked around the room for a good place to do this. He wasn't sure the bed was a good place, but he figured there were other beds in the house. Harry kneeled beside the bed while Severus seemed to weigh the sword in his hand, eying it warily. Harry braced himself and glanced up at his lover. "On three," Harry said and Severus looked up and nodded again, getting himself into place. "One…two…three…open."

At the sound of Parseltongue, the golden doors of the locket swung open with a little click. Behind both of the glass windows within blinked a living eye, dark and handsome as Tom Riddle's eyes had been in his youth before he turned them scarlet and snakelike.

"Stab!" Harry said holding the locket steady on the mattress.

Severus raised the sword and dangled the point over the swiveling eyes, eyes narrowed in concentration. Harry gripped the locket tightly, bracing himself, already imaginging the blood pouring from the empty windows.

Then a voice hissed out of the Horcrux.

"I have seen your heart, and it is mine."

"Don't listen to it!" Harry said harshly. "Stab it!"

Severus glared at the Horcrux and tightened his grip on the sword, looking ready to slam it down until the locket spoke again. "I have seen your dreams, Severus Snape, and I have seen your fears. All you desire is possible, but all that you dread is also possible."

"St—!" Harry began, but Severus slammed the sword…and missed. His eyes had a wild look to them and he looked a bit frustrated. Harry had to fight not to jerk away as the blade narrowly avoided hitting him.

"Hated by your father…Resented by your mother…Taunted by the world…Unloved and rejected by your first love…Never seen as anything but your potential use, a potential to be manipulated. Even now…Do you think he truly loves you? Do you think he will remain by your side? No one has ever stayed."

Out of the locket's windows bloomed a grotesque bubble, a weirdly distorted figure taking shape…Taking on Harry's form. Severus gasped in shock, pulling the sword back up, staring wide-eyed at the creation. He seemed to be fighting with himself, struggling to pull himself back into focus, but his attention was stolen by the Horcrux. The metal was burning now, white hot, and Harry hissed and snatched his fingers away. Severus tore his eyes away, watching Harry in concern as the Riddle-Harry opened his mouth to speak.

"Severus!" Harry shouted, motioning wildly to the locket. Severus nodded and quickly raised the sword and swung it down. There was a clang of metal and a drawn-out scream and then it was done. The only sounds Harry could hear were the ringing in his ears and the heavy breathing of his lover. Harry gulped and took a deep breath of his own, finally feeling relieved.

Seconds later the door burst open. "Harry, are you alright?" Hermione asked breathlessly, stopping, her eyes wide when she saw Severus. "Professor!"

Severus dropped the sword and sat down slowly on the foot of the bed.

"We…We're fine now," Harry said, staring at the remains of the locket beside Severus. "We…We destroyed the Horcrux."

Hermione's eyes grew wider and she gaped as she stared from Severus to the sword to the locket, the finally moving to Harry. "What?" she finally shrieked. "How long was I asleep? What happened?"

Harry chuckled quietly and pulled himself up onto the bed, shoving the locket to the floor and curling up beside Severus, resting his head on his shoulder and wrapping his arms comfortingly around Severus's middle. He seemed a bit shaken by what all he had seen and heard, though he was doing his best to cover it up, especially with Hermione in the room.

"It's a long story…" Harry tried explaining. Maybe it wasn't really, but he was tired and just wanted to spend what time he could with Severus. Having him here at all was an unexpected blessing and he wanted to make the most of it. Besides, there was nothing to worry about. The Horcrux was destroyed and that was all that mattered.

"Harry James Potter," Hermione said sharply, placing her hands on her hips and reminding him too much of Mrs. Weasley for his liking.

Harry sighed heavily. "Alright, alright, sit down."

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