All That You Leave Behind

AN: My how we spoil you! Look at this, another lovely new chapter for you to read and review! Yay! Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter, we're looking forward to hearing from you for this one too! And speaking of....everyone who has left an e-mail address and/or asked to be added to the update alert list has been. As our list has grown to be rather large and unwieldly, and we haven't heard from many of you since you asked to be added, we'd like to make sure that all who actually wish to receive updates get them, and those who no longer wish to, don't. Therefore, if you would like to be added to and/or remain on the list, please let us know within a week either by stating so in your review, or via e-mail. Thanks for doing this, and enjoy this next chapter!



Chapter 76



"Very funny, Poppy," Harry said nervously, his guilt over Severus coming back. "I...I'm a guy, remember?"


No matter what he'd done with Severus, how much sex they'd had, they were men. How could he be pregnant? Surely Poppy was joking?! Harry was afraid to look at Ginny, and said shakily, "You're joking, right? Poppy?"


"I'm afraid there's no mistake," the medi-witch said faintly, "You're pregnant. With a boy."


"But...," Harry said in desperation. He turned towards his wife, who was staring at him with tears in her eyes, her expression horrified.


"How. Could. You?!" she said, and he knew she knew.


"G-Ginny...please....," he began, feeling near tears himself.


"You bastard!!" she choked out and quick as a flash got up and ran out.


"Ginny!" Harry howled after her, "Wait!! Ginny!"


She was gone, nowhere in sight when he reached the front gates. Out of breath, he grasped the iron bars and forced himself to think. The Burrow, he thought, she'll go to her parents, to James, tell them what I've done, and then my life will be over.

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Upon arriving at the Burrow, Harry sucked in a deep breath before going inside. He found his worried looking mother-in-law standing at the stove stirring a large pot of what smelled like stew.


"Oh Harry," she said, "What's happened?! Ginny came..."


"She's here?" Harry asked, somewhat relieved.


"Yes, but she seems terribly upset," Molly said, "she...did you two have a row? Did..."


"Where is she, Molly?" Harry asked quickly, "does she have James?"


"No, dear, he's napping," Molly said, "but what's happened..."


"Where's Ginny?" Harry countered.


"I...well, I think she's in the orchard, but Harry, dear, can I help?" Molly said, "you know you both can come to Arthur and myself..."


"I need to talk to Ginny," Harry said hastily and bolted for the orchard.


He found her there, up on a broom, whizzing around the orchard dizzingly fast.


"Ginny!" he called up to her, "Ginny, please? Please come down and talk?" She ignored him and began to go faster. "Ginny!", he tried again, to no avail.


Looking about he spied another broom against a tree, obviously having been rejected, and grabbed that, mounting and pushing off from the ground. He chased her around the orchard as she dived and feinted, trying to shake him, but he was determined. At last he managed to counter her feint and force her to land. "Ginny, please, can't we..." he said, and was taken aback at the fierce and angry way she turned on him.


Glaring at him, she snapped, "Should you be flying in your condition?" remounted her broom and zoomed off, leaving Harry standing there scathed and alone.

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Harry had managed to fend off Molly and her questions, as well as her invitation to dinner, and gone home. Obviously Ginny hadn't told them yet, but Harry felt it was just a matter of time. He walked the floor of his bedroom all afternoon, staving off the panic and fear he felt growing inside.


Now he lay on the bed he usually shared with Ginny and tried to put his whirling thoughts in order.

Ginny would leave him. She'd take James and how could he blame her? The Weasleys, the only real family he'd ever had, would turn against him, and who could blame them? And Ron and Hermione. What would this piece of news do to his friendship with Ron? Ron who already despised Harry's closeness with Severus. How would he react when he understood their true relationship? He'd lose his best friends. Although all of that would hurt, it was James and Ginny that cut most deeply. How could he have done this to them?


Harry sighed and looked at a photograph of his sleeping son on the bedside table, the enormity of what Poppy had told them finally sinking in. Pregnant. He was pregnant. How could that be?! He was a man, for Merlin's sake! But neither Poppy, nor Ginny for that matter, seemed to doubt it.


Ginny's anger and hurt were because of his unfaithfulness. She believed he was pregnant, so obviously it was possible but how?, his mind howled. And if Ginny knew it was possible, Sev must have!



Why hadn't he told him?! Harry bit his lip to keep his tears in.



"Oh Sev," he whispered, "what have we done?"

Harry closed his eyes and rubbed his scar, his mind trying to grasp the situation. He tried to imagine being pregnant but his imagination failed him there.



He remembered Ginny being pregnant, how happy they'd been. Ecstatic on his part; he was so thrilled to finally have a family of his own, people to love and who loved him back. And now he'd ruined that. His guilt engulfed him and he felt the hot tears threaten again. Still, although he felt guilt at betraying Ginny and regret at hurting her this way, if he were truthful with himself, he couldn't regret doing what he'd done with Sev. Loving him. Falling in love with him. He regretted the consequences of it, he loved Ginny and James more than life, but he could never regret loving Sev too. He knew Severus had loved Ginny and James as well, and even though he and Sev hadn't been able to help themselves and all that was between them, betraying Ginny had weighed heavily on Severus as well. So how could this have happened? How could he be pregnant?!


Pregnant and alone because surely Ginny was leaving him. What woman wouldn't? Surely she was as horrified as he was at this unthinkable news. And what was he going to do?


Harry desperately needed guidance, help, and support.


He desperately wanted......Severus.

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Harry hurried down the stairs, his tears blindling him so that he nearly tripped and fell in his haste. His panic and fear made him unable to stop the sobs as he dragged the footstool over to the massive fireplace. He climbed up and grabbed the huge gilt frame that housed the portrait of his dead lover, wrenching it from the wall with enough force that he nearly fell backwards off the stool. He stepped down and leaned the painting against the surround, falling to his knees in front of it.


He rested his head against the canvas, quiet sobs shaking his body. "Severus, why didn't you tell me?" he whimpered. He suddenly felt utterly exhausted and closed his eyes, not noticing the black-clad figure that stepped into the portrait.


Severus looked down at his distraught lover and felt his heart sink. They knew then. He felt his own guilt encompass him and wanted desperately to say something .... anything .... to comfort his boy. He found himself reaching out toward Harry wishing with all his heart he could touch that dishevelled mop one more time. Instead he pulled his hand back and waited silently for Harry to acknowledge him.


With a gasp, Harry suddenly looked up, the green eyes Severus loved so much going wide with surprise. "S-Severus..." Harry stuttered.


"Harry," Severus responded calmly.


That one word seemed to break free a torrent from Harry. "You knew! When you were dying, you knew! You knew it wasn't Ginny, it was me, but you never said anything, just died and left us believing she was pregnant! Why didn't you tell me?! You must have known before that! Why didn't you tell me it was me?!" Harry's head dropped, "Nothing makes sense," he whispered.


"I am so sorry, Harry," Severus said, "although I knew when we were together that last time, I did not know the subsequent turn events would take. I had not planned on dying that day; I had planned to somehow explain to you what I had recently discovered myself. As it was, I found myself in the unfortunate position of having run out of time, as well as blood and breath, and therefore sought to communicate my happy news in the only way I could think of at that moment."


"Happy news?!" Harry blurted, staring up at the man disbelievingly. "Do you know where my wife is right at this moment?!? With her family, most likely telling them all about her lying, cheating, bastard of of a husband. You know, the one who messed around behind her back, in her own house no less, with another man!"


To Harry's satisfaction, Severus looked somewhat stricken at that, but by then all the snark had gone out of both of them.


"I cannot regret what we had together, Harry," Severus said quietly, "I am heartbroken that I cannot be there to face this with you, but you are not alone."


Harry felt another sob welling up heavily but managed to somehow swallow it down, although his fear and panic remained. "What am I going to do, Severus?" he asked shakily, "she's going to leave me, and take James with her, and her family, her brothers....when they find out what I've done....I'll never see James, or Ginny, again." He saw the pained look come over Severus' face at his words, and hastened to reassure him, "I don't regret what we had either, Severus, I don't! But.....I....I can't lose James and Ginny. I've already lost you, I can't lose them too."


"You would have our child," Severus said so quietly that Harry wasn't sure he'd heard him correctly at first.


"Yes, but....if....if that means losing James and Ginny.....Severus...." Harry looked up, silently pleading his dead lover to understand. ".....I don't know if I can do that."

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