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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

Chapter List
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- 78
WARNING: If you want to be surprised and don't want to be warned, stop reading my warning and go read the chapter, damn it! If you actually worry about stuff and need said warning, then here you have it so keep reading the stupid warning until you get there, mkay? Well, here it goes: Mentions of violent rape of a child will be made in this chapter. You have been warned. Enjoy the chapter, peoples! And leave plenty of reviews, cause you know I loves them! Yes, yes, I'm hiding the stupid warning the best I can for the people who want to be surprised…If there are any of you…Which I doubt…But I still felt the need to do so anyways!

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LOST AND DAMNED

Understand That I Am a Monster

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"You know I cannot stay for long," Severus said quietly once Hermione returned to her bedroom.

"You know you don't have to remind me of that," Harry said, gently pushing Severus's chest so that he laid back onto the bed and Harry waited for him to glare and scoot his body up some more so that his legs weren't awkwardly dangling over the edge before crawling over his older lover and leaning down to kiss him deeply. Harry wanted nothing more than to make use of what time they did have together. It had been far too long since he had been with Severus and he was not going to waste what precious time they had discussing war-related events (something they did often enough through the magical mirror) or arguing or reminding each other of things they already knew. He made his intentions known by pressing his growing erection down into Severus, moaning quietly at the contact.

"I'm not sure we can do that fast enough, Potter," Severus teased quietly against his mouth.

"Well, you're just going to have to find a way to make it work," Harry argued, moving his mouth down to suck on his lover's neck while his hands moved up to impatiently work on undoing the many buttons on the front of Severus's robes and shoving the material away eagerly once he was done. Severus moved beneath him to shrug out of the garment and Harry moved enough to let him finish that task, pulling his sweater over his head and tossing it aside and eagerly pulling down his jeans as Severus's nimble fingers worked easily and swiftly to remove the rest of his own clothing. Harry watched the man in fascination as he finished and settled back onto the bed, reaching out to help Severus with the last bit of his work.

For a long moment they sat there, breathing heavily as they lustfully stared at each other, appreciating the sight of naked skin and hot arousal. Harry sat tall on his knees and finally fell forward onto his hands and crawled closer, placing his legs on either side of Severus's as he leaned in to kiss the man deeply. Long arms wrapped around him and skilled fingers wound into his hair, pulling him closer and holding him there. Harry ground his hips slowly but firmly into Severus's, enjoying the pleasant friction and the tingles that shot all through his body. He hadn't gone into this because he was already horny, more out of the need to make the most of his time with Severus, but it certainly wasn't taking long for his body to respond to everything nor did it take long for his mind to fall out of its focus, consumed entirely by the feelings coursing through him now.

Severus slid his hands from Harry's hair down his back and down to grasp his arse firmly. Harry gasped sharply into his lover's mouth and groaned as Severus used his grip to thrust his hips up against Harry's. The older wizard tore his mouth from his young lover's and trailed a hungry, wet path down his jaw and to his neck, sucking on a particularly sensitive area of flesh that left Harry clutching at him and moaning loudly against him. The softest of touches from Severus seemed to be slowly awakening every inch of his body, like little pricks of electricity rolling across his skin and digging deep into his very bones. Reality faded away and there was nothing but each other.

The slow building of sensation made for a grand opportunity to really take their time to enjoy each other instead of jumping in with needful urgency as they had a tendency to do. Unfortunately, they had little time for such leisurely exploration of the body. They would have time after the war, they both told themselves, though neither entirely believed it. Neither paused. Severus moved one hand up Harry's back to hold him steady as Severus rolled them over so that he was now on top of the other wizard. Harry reached up to yank off his glasses and tossed them carelessly aside.

"Lube?" Severus asked breathlessly.

Harry couldn't help but laugh shakily. "Haven't really had the time to find some since the last time."

Severus nodded and leaned down to kiss him deeply, breaking away slightly after a long moment to mutter something against his lips, which Harry knew to be the spell that would make this easier. He shivered at the feel of Severus's wand tip pressing between his cheeks and the sharp feeling that accompanied the spell, and he relaxed as it faded into a gentle tingle. Severus tossed his wand aside and easily slid a finger into Harry who kissed Severus deeply and pressed back against the invading digit. It had been a while and the spell wasn't as good as using actual lubricant, so it burned slightly, but Harry had felt that same stretch before and didn't mind. He was only eager to have Severus inside of him again, wanting both for him to get on with it and for him to take his time and make this last forever. Harry missed being with him this way, but he knew the moment this was over Severus would have to leave him and Harry would have gladly given anything to have Severus stay with him.

It didn't take long for Severus to loosen Harry up enough to take him. Harry raised his legs, pulling his knees up to his chest and staring up at Severus as his lover moved into position. Severus sat up and reached down to pry Harry's cheeks apart with his thumbs, pressing the head of his cock against his entrance. Before Severus could move much more than that, Harry enthusiastically pressed back against him. Severus chuckled at his impatience and slid his hands up to Harry's thighs while sliding deeply inside of him. Harry hissed in slight discomfort but thrust against Severus when he paused in concern. The discomfort was easy to deal with, because despite the slight pain, there was nothing in the world that felt better than being this connected to Severus, feeling his thick heat filling him up completely.

"Mmm…Missed this," Harry moaned as Severus held his legs down and slowly began moving inside of him.

"Should have known…you only wanted…me for my…cock," Severus grunted as he steadily picked up the pace of his thrusts.

Hearing the word come from his lover's mouth made his cock twitch. God he loved the sound of Severus's voice. It tasted like the finest wine and felt like the softest of silks. The man could speak but one word and awaken all of Harry's senses with it. It was the voice of a god, he was certain. He wasn't sure Severus believed him the few times Harry brought up the power his voice had, and sometimes he felt silly for thinking so highly of such a thing, but laying beneath the man he loved and listening to that voice roll across his skin, he couldn't care less about anything else.

"Keep talking," Harry gasped, hands turning into fists as they grasped the sheets on either side of his head.

Severus chuckled and slowed the movement of his hips. He slid his hands up Harry's chest and up his arms until he was able to grasp his hands, prying his fingers loose from the sheets and intertwining them with his own and holding their hands firmly on the mattress on either side of Harry. With that he leaned down and Harry spread his legs apart to welcome Severus closer. The man's face was so close their noses brushed and their lips were so close Harry could almost taste him. He spoke quietly, thrusting slowly but deeply inside of him. "What do you want to hear, my Harry? Do you want a lesson on the many uses of boomslang skin? Or should I inform you of how utterly delectable you look right now? Should I paint you a picture of how desperately I desire to worship every last inch of your body, to reacquaint myself with every freckle, every scar, and every curve?" The movement of Severus's hips at each of the everys spoken was enough to make Harry see stars, so deep inside of him that the pleasure bordered on painful. Harry gasped and groaned as Severus moved within him, his grip on his lover's hands tight. "Would you like to know about what pleasure you bring me, my Harry? How warm and welcoming your body is? How tight you are around my cock?" Harry shivered here. "How perfect being inside of you feels? As if you were made just for me? As though you were born for this? As though you werecreated for the sole purpose of my pleasure? Is that what you want to hear?"

"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, !" Harry whimpered and cried out. His hips bucked up against Severus, urging him in deeper. His mind was completely blown. He was drowning in a sea of wine and chocolate and silk and all of the finery and pleasure in the entire world. He was used to the effect of Severus's voice, but never had he gone through such lengths to use that voice against him before nor had Harry ever experienced anything so wild because of it. He didn't think he would last much longer now, especially as Severus shifted on his knees slightly and picked up the pace, the obscene sound of slick skin slapping against each other loud in the room. They were panting heavily into each other's mouths, always so close, and every time he moaned and moved he half expected their mouths to collide in the process. Severus growled in a very animalistic manner that went straight to Harry's cock and his hips jerked, cock threatening to unload any moment now.

All of his moaning and whimpering became muffled as Severus closed that short distance between their lips, mouth touching his so tenderly it contradicted the wildness that inspired his hips. Harry kissed him back desperately; mouth latching onto his lover's as if clinging on for dear life. The kiss was so warm and loving that when Harry's orgasm hit, it caught him completely off guard. He gasped in surprise at the sudden intense feeling before crying out loudly, body convulsing as he came all over his and Severus's stomachs and chests.

His whole body felt like jelly as he calmed down and Severus had to sit up again and hold his legs in place as he continued to rock into him. Feeling Severus's cock sliding in and out of him after he had come was pleasant and now and then sent little aftershocks of pleasure through him. He looked lazily up at his lover, his eyebrows scrunched together in a look of such concentration it seemed as though fucking Harry was the most important task he had ever taken. It was the fire still burning in those black eyes that assured Harry that this was more than just some duty to finish and he let himself relax, admiring Severus as he continued. His legs felt a bit sore from being held in place for so long, but Harry didn't mind and he especially didn't mind as sweat dripped from his lover and onto his face or his chest.

To his surprise, there was a loud, panicked pounding on the door in the middle of this. Harry sighed heavily and frowned, but Severus didn't stop. Instead he picked up pace as the frantic knocking continued. Harry thought he heard Hermione's quiet voice whispering beyond Severus's loud panting, but he couldn't be sure. Finally, Severus shuddered and groaned loudly as he came deep within Harry. To Harry's disappointment, Severus almost immediately pulled out of him and rolled over. He took only a moment to catch his breath before standing up and quickly pulling on his robes.

Harry reluctantly followed suit and was glad he at least managed to get his boxers on before Severus yanked open the door.

"Quick!" Hermione whispered. "Sirius and Remus are here."

"Oh bugger," Harry groaned.

"Where are they?" Severus demanded.

"Downstairs. I sent Kreacher to keep them occupied while I got Harry," Hermione explained quickly. "They're kind of annoyed, though. They might come looking for us soon. Professor, there's a hidden staircase in the closet down the hall. It'll lead you to the closet near the backdoor."

"Thank you, Miss Granger," Severus said, quickly slipping out of the room and silently disappearing down the hall.

"Wait!" Harry hissed after him as he yanked on his jeans. He didn't even get to say goodbye?

"There's no time, Harry!" Hermione whispered. "We don't want anyone questioning anything, do we?"

"I…But…Oh fine, damn it," Harry muttered, grabbing his jumper and pulling it over his head. A heavy weight settled in his heart. He didn't imagine he would have to deal with Severus leaving so abruptly. Harry sighed when he realized he hadn't exactly cleaned himself off, leaving a very uncomfortable feeling under his jumper. He quickly wiped the mess with it and pulled it off and grabbed a new jumper while Hermione huffed impatiently and left the room.

He could always talk to Severus later. Right now, he supposed Sirius and Remus must be here for a reason. Once he was presentable he ran out of his room and downstairs to the living room where Hermione was now greeting both men with hugs. It was good to see the two of them here. Some part of him might have been happy, though it was hard to reallybe happy after Severus had run off like that.

"Harry!" his godfather called out enthusiastically. Sirius stepped away as Remus hugged Hermione and walked over to embrace Harry. "How are you?"

Sore. Depressed. "I'm fine," he lied. Upon realizing he didn't sound completely fine, he hastily added, "Just tired."

"Ah. Understandable," Sirius replied, stepping back.

Harry glanced at Remus uncertainly. The last time they had spoken they hadn't parted on the best of terms. The other wizard seemed to have the same thing in mind and smiled uncertainly at him. "Harry."

"Remus," he said with a smile and went to hug the werewolf. "What are you two doing here?"

"We thought we'd pay a visit," Sirius replied as he sat down. Remus sat with him, so Harry and Hermione took the nearby sofa. "We thought of sending a Patronus to see how you were, but we weren't sure you learned how to send messages with them yet. Besides, we were nearby and figured an actual visit was much better than anything else."

"You're right. It's great to see you," Hermione said joyously. "H— " she began, but Remus started speaking at the same time, so she trailed off to let him finish.

"How are things coming along?" he asked.

"Great, actually," Hermione replied before Harry could. "We fina—Oh, um, we have had some success with our…mission." She blushed, nearly having forgotten that no one else was supposed to know about the Horcruxes.

"That's very good," Sirius said with a grin. "You're not done yet?"

"Not yet," Harry said. "We still have…a few more things to do." A few more objects to find and destroy. But at least we have the sword now.

"Very good," Remus said.

"What have you two been doing?" Harry asked. He had to be honest, he was a bit curious to know whether or not Remus had gone back to Tonks after being rejected from their journey. Had Sirius and Remus been travelling together and avoiding responsibility?

Sirius and Remus shared a guilty look before Sirius spoke. "Er…We've been moving around a lot, actually."

"But…What about…?" Hermione asked hesitantly.

"Dora?" Remus asked with a frown. "Yes, well I did go see her and set things right. I visit her as often as I can, but it's not very safe at the moment. Ted's been on the run for a while now with the Muggle-born Registration Commission in control. They're no happier with part-humans, either, I must say."

"And Tonks is too preggo to keep him company," Sirius said, clapping Remus on the back. "Besides they've got a close eye on all 'blood traitors' and I don't much like being watched. We're doing a decent work of recruiting new people for the Order."

"Have you really?" Hermione asked excitedly. "That's great!"

"Yeah, it is," Sirius said with a grin. He was obviously pleased by the enthusiasm. "We've even got this really great bloke to join in. His name's Orpheus Odell…Really brilliant wizard, from what I've heard. I wasn't so sure about him…he used to shag Snape, you know! At least that's what I've heard. But he seems pretty good and we've already got his nephew Orson vouching for him and Kingsley is pretty good friends with him. He's got some secret mission going on now."

Harry had a hard time keeping focused on what Sirius was saying, as his ears started ringing and his head started spinning at the mention of the name. Orpheus Odell…The amazing wizarding genius who used to be Severus's lover. Hermione cast him a worried look, but he ignored it. He was fine. There was nothing wrong…in fact, it was great someone of Orpheus's talent and knowledge had joined forces with the Order. It was hard to feel the proper level of excitement, but he knew on some level that this was a good thing.

"That's amazing, Sirius," Hermione forced herself to say with a smile. "An-"

"What's he like?" Harry asked.

Hermione sighed and shook her head. Remus and Sirius blinked in surprise. It was the latter who answered. "Umm…He's alright. Friendly, I guess you could say. Very dedicated and passionate about his beliefs. He was very intense when we were talking about the war and such. Not got the best sense of humor, but not a lot of those intellectual types do." He grinned.

Harry nodded dully. He was the buzzing in his head was nothing but all of the questions he wanted answered. He doubted Sirius and Remus knew that much about Orpheus and honestly they were all questions better directed to Severus, who he would never ask. Orpheus was his past and Harry just needed to accept that.

"Ahem. So…What's he look like?" Hermione asked, blushing. She avoided looking directly at anyone, though she held her head up high.

Harry wasn't sure why Hermione wanted to know that, but a few seconds looking at her, he smiled softly to himself. She was asking for him.

"Uhh…" said Remus, glancing between the two. He then cleared his throat. "He's not bad looking. Not…the most attractive man in the world, but definitely not bad. Older than you."

"Ugly. Completely hideous," Sirius said firmly, also giving them odd looks.

"Come off it, Sirius. There's nothing with Hermione and me," Harry laughed shakily. He was a bit comforted by the fact that Orpheus wasn't drop dead gorgeous or anything.

"Why…?" Remus began, but trailed off as though not sure if he wanted to ask the question.

"Well, he's a very brilliant and gifted wizard who has made a great contribution to the world of magic," Hermione said heatedly. "Yet he doesn't get near the recognition someone as good looking as Gilderoy Lockhart received when he was sane! I was wondering if there was…reason or not."

"Mione has a crush on him," Harry coughed.

Hermione glared at him. "Hmph. Well, did you get anyone besides Orpheus Odell?"

"A few others…Mostly young people. Probably people you went to Hogwarts with," Sirius said. "Sad that so much of our youth is willing to go out there and fight while all of the so-called 'adults' hide behind their curtains."

"Now, now, Sirius…It's hard for people," Remus said, though he didn't sound very convinced.

"Hard. Pfft," Sirius scoffed. "Nothing in life is easy! And they think fighting back is hard? They think a life under You-Know-Who's rule is going to be easy?"

"If they lie down and take it it might be," Harry said dryly.

"Right," Sirius snorted.

Remus cleared his throat. "So, no chance you've changed your mind about letting us tag along?"

Harry and Hermione glanced at each other. Hermione looked as unsure as Harry felt and offered a small shrug that gave her support in whatever Harry decided. He sighed and glanced at the two men. Help would be beneficial right about now, with how hard this whole thing was becoming. But what aid could Sirius and Remus really be? And wasn't it bad enough he was letting Hermione risk her life to come on this trip with him without adding more people to the mix? Maybe he had already confided in Severus and Draco about the Horcruxes, but at least they could possibly offer help in that area, since they were both relatively close to the man they were trying to defeat. The man whose Horcruxes they were.

"No…Sorry, I don't think so," Harry said. "But…Well, since we did get the locket today, we could always celebrate. You could stay over for the night, keep us company for a little bit, at least."

Remus nodded his understanding and Sirius just smiled sadly. "We'd be happy to."

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Severus was not happy in the slightest with how things had been left with Harry. They barely got to be with one another at all. True, he knew he wouldn't be able to stay much longer, but he hadn't even gotten a chance to say goodbye or do much else. And to jump right out of sex and right out of the door seemed harsh, despite its necessity. He would, of course, speak with Harry about it when they next spoke and he doubted Harry would really hold it against him. He also knew, though, that Harry couldn't be much happier about what had happened, either. Damn it, Black and Lupin! They ruined a great deal in his life and while he knew they were important to Harry, that didn't mean Severus had to care for them at all.

He was in a bad enough mood as he marched up to the castle that he hoped to Merlin he wouldn't have to deal with the Carrows. He walked briskly towards the Headmaster's Tower, hoping to avoid any run-ins. He did notice a couple of groups hiding among the shadows, breathing too heavily and trembling too much to be noticed, though Severus pretended to look right through them. With no one else around to question this or to bring his attention towards them, he was able to do just that and spare their recklessly stupid hides for one night.

Severus was halfway to his office when he heard the loud sound of feet pounding the floor behind him. The sound echoed off of the walls. Sighing heavily, Severus took a deep breath and turned around to face the culprit. Whoever it was was far too stupid to get away with anything. He was somewhat surprised to see that it was Daphne Greengrass running towards him, a look of terror in her bright blue-green eyes. Her caramel colored curls whipped all around her and when she stopped in front of him, panting heavily, some of them even caught in her open mouth. She doubled over and grasped her knees as she sucked in deep breaths, a whimpering sound escaping her throat as she struggled to calm down enough to speak. Severus's pulse raced and he glanced up, half expecting to see her followed by the more violent bunch in the D.A. or even some other member of the Slytherin house. Though why either of them would go after quite, neutral Daphne was beyond him.

"S-s-sir," she gasped, voice cracking horribly in the strain. "Dung—dungeon."

"What's in the dungeon, Miss Greengrass?" Severus asked impatiently.

"Pl-please…Dungeon…Help…Please," Daphne managed. Her face broke and to his horror tears began rolling down her cheeks. "Horrible…screaming…go…please!"

Nodding, Severus took off without another word, leaving Daphne to either catch her breath or hyperventilate in the corridor. There was no time to get more details out of Daphne. Something bad was happening in the dungeons and whatever it was, Severus had to figure it out and stop it before it was too late. If it wasn't too late already.

"Daffy! Oh Daffy!" he heard a voice call. He saw Astoria Greengrass jogging in the direction he had just come from. "Oh, headmaster, have you seen Daphne?"

Severus didn't bother to answer her and instead continued his march down to the dungeons. He didn't even know where to begin down here and he mentally cursed the stupid girl for not being able to be more specific and himself for not finding a way to get more information out of her before coming all this way. He didn't stop or slow down, though. If it was badly enough, he was sure there would be some trail to lead him there.

Halfway through the dungeons he saw a fourth year Slytherin named Ruth Lesley pressed back against the wall. Her eyes were wide and she had both hands pressed hard over her mouth while the rest of her trembled. Sensing she could be of some aid, or at least a clue, Severus slowed down. "Miss Lesley?"

"P-p-potions cl-classroom, s-s-sir," Ruth Lesley sputtered.

Severus raised an eyebrow, but walked towards the Potions classroom. A strong sense of dread settled upon him and his stomach felt as though it would twist itself into so many knots it simply fell apart. He let none of his anxiety show as he grasped the door handle and pushed it open. He was aware of the noise before anything else. The manic laughter of Alecto Carrow and the muffled sobbing of a young girl made sense. The scene before him took several long moments to get a hold of.

Daria Spelling was a second year Ravenclaw student. He had heard her name only a few times. Filius praised her a great deal as a talented witch with a bright future. Minerva said she had adapted better to Transfiguration than most students. He also heard a lot of Slytherins making fun of her over a huge crush she had on fourth year Slytherin, Thantos Zucarro, and Harry Potter himself. She had run into Severus far too many times for him to enjoy or count. She never looked where she was going in the halls, because she ended up tripping, running into walls, and bumping into people a great deal.

Right now, she was bent over the desk that in five hours time, Horace Slughorn would be burning outside. Her face was bright red and wet with tears, snot, and bodily fluids Severus didn't care to think of. She alternated between sobbing and gagging, as her tormentors had found it amusing to shove a handful of dragon liver into her mouth to shut her up. She was completely naked. Amycus Carrow stood behind her, pants pooled around his ankles and he grunted and smirked as he moved behind her. Severus could see the blood sliding down their legs and felt the bile rise in his throat.

Alecto stood on the other side of the desk, ripping apart Spelling's clothes.

"You can walk back to Ravenclaw Tower just like you are now, sweetie," Alecto purred. "Naked. And covered in whatever we decide to decorate your pretty little body with. Hehehehe…Oooh look at you cry, my pretty little slut!"

Severus was going to be sick. No amount of self control was going to keep the entire contents of his body from pouring out of his mouth. A dizzy spell hit him and he struggled to stay steady on his feet. He forced himself not to look at Spelling and did his very best not to listen to her, as well. How the hell was he supposed to do this? Could he just turn a blind eye and let these monsters get away with violating a small child? The girl was twelve years old! They deserved the worst tortures a man could imagine! Or better yet, the cruelest hell Severus could dream up for them.

Everything within him screamed for their blood. Only the most rational part of his brain reminded him that this was war and he had his role to play, that the fate of this war could well depend on him keeping his position and that some things were even more important than this, as much as he hated himself for even entertaining the thought.

"Ahem," he said, getting the attention of the Carrows. "I assume the Dark Lord asked you to relay messages?"

"Sure thing," Amycus said, barely slowing down. He opened his mouth to continue, but Severus held up his hand.

"My office," he said, voice remarkably calm.

And he hated himself.

"But— " Amycus argued.

"I could care less about your fun. I need to be informed of tonight's meeting in my office and away from prying ears. Or does our lord and his cause mean so little to you?"

"Oh. Hadn't thought of that," Amycus said, reluctantly moving away and pulling up his trousers.

Severus looked pointedly at the door, assuring them both that he wanted them up front. Severus hated himself as he followed them out of the room, ignoring the cries of the young girl he left behind. He wished he could dare give Ruth Lesley any sign to go help the girl, though he felt there was some mercy in this world as he heard her footsteps headed towards the classroom as he passed her.

They hadn't killed or harmed her beyond repair. They had done nothing the Dark Lord couldn't forgive. And so Severus could do nothing but sit through their explanations of the night's Death Eater meeting and recount the entertainment of a day spent torturing innocent children. He was going to need a strong drink after this.

Some days it just didn't feel worth it.

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Lost and Damned