All That You Leave Behind

Q here: And so, dear readers, another update from the camp of QoA. We have worked tirelessly, nah, remorselessly, to ensure another chapter is published of our beloved Epic. We ask so very little in return... We would have updated much sooner (try about five hours sooner!); however, one particular sentence caused much strife indeed between us. One tiny phrase resulted in much disagreement and arguing of ideas. Bonus points to whoever can discern which sentence caused us such grief. We may even give a prize to the correct answer...

A here: Yes! Yes we will! Whoever correctly guesses that dratted sentence first will receive a "chaplet" (not as long as a regular chapter, longer than a drabble) written just for them! Details can be found in the AN at the end of the chapter. Also, we'd like to give special thanks to InuyoukaiMei for the lovely e-mail she sent us. This chapter is dedicated to her.

Chapter 78

Harry started in surprise to suddenly see Ginny standing in the doorway. Her face was a mask of hurt, betrayal, and anger, yet there was something else in her eyes. Something Harry dared to hope was compassion. He watched her tentatively and saw whatever kind thought had been in her mind vanish, leaving him wary of her anger, the hurt and betrayal on her face stabbing at his heart. He felt dread and panic creeping in, and struggled to keep some semblance of composure, even though all he really wanted to do was throw himself at her feet and beg her not to leave him. Beg stupidly for her to try and understand.


They stood there, eying one another for several minutes, Harry trying desperately not to come undone. Looking at his wife, waiting to see what she would do, he realised as never before just exactly what she meant to him, how much power she held over him without even knowing it. How important she was to him, now and always. She was his rock, in ways Severus hadn't been, and he didn't think he could face life without her. Her and James. He didn't want to. Her expression seemed less intense, although her eyes still shone with her pain, doing little to ease his heart and mind.


"Ginny," he breathed.


"Just tell me the truth, Harry," she said softly, a single tear escaping, "weren't we enough for you?"


He heard every word, felt each syllable pierce him, and he gasped, his heart aching.


"Yes," he moaned, "yes, you were. You are," he said struggling to hold back his tears.


"Then why?" she asked plaintively. "Sev...him I can understand,” she sent a glance to the figure in the picture, and desolation seemed to burn in her eyes. “Even though his betrayal is almost worse than yours. He was alone and he needed someone. But you...you had a wife and child who loved you!"


Harry winced at her use of the past tense. So she was leaving him. He couldn’t blame her.


"The life you said you wanted," she choked.


"It is the life I want," Harry said, aware of the pleading tone in his own voice. He didn’t care. If he could keep Ginny then all of this mess would resolve itself somehow. But could he keep Ginny?


“Then why did you do this?!" she suddenly screeched, hands clenched in fists, face white with two burning spots of colour high on her cheekbones, "you're my husband! The father of my child! The only man I ever loved! And you!" she screamed at Severus, "you were like a father to me! You were the two people I trusted most in this world! How could you do this??! And you, you let yourself get pregnant?!" she ground out, turning back to Harry. "Did you think I wouldn't notice?!"


"I didn't know I could get pregnant!" Harry blurted, and immediately wished he hadn't. He saw the look of rage come over her face.


"So if you hadn't ended up pregnant, you never would have told me, would you?!" she yelled, and jabbed her head sharply at the portrait, face twisting in distaste, "You love him don't you?! What we had wasn’t enough?! Couldn’t make you happy?! But he could?! You love him, that's why you did it, isn't it?!"


"I...," Harry spluttered, confused, "Gin...I..."


“Ginevra,” Severus’ voice was quiet, calm. A stark contrast to her high pitched anger, and Harry’s low moans.


“Don’t you dare speak to me!” she snarled, eyes blazing, “What right had you to live in my house and steal my husband? What right have you to placate me with your lies now?”


Severus spoke slowly, quietly, with an authority he did not feel, “I would never lie to you. Never.”


She gave a cold, harsh laugh. “Oh but you did,” she ground out, “every day you were alive and betraying me, you did.” She stepped up to the portrait and said coldly, “A lie of omission is still a lie, so save your lies. I have no interest in them!” She turned her back on the image in the portrait to eye her errant husband. "And you, you're just as bad. You lied too. It's still a lie!" she snapped at Harry, woundedly.


Harry hung his head and tried to keep his own tears from overwhelming him. His stomach churned and he felt the bile rising, but forced it back down, trying not to vomit. Not morning sickness! Not now! he thought desperately. He gulped heavily a few times and said shakily, "Y-you're right, Gin. A lie of omission is still...still a lie. And I'm so sorry." He struggled to keep the contents of his stomach where it belonged, not wanting to make her angrier.


"You're sorry", Ginny spat viciously, "and I suppose you think that makes everything okay, don't you? Well it doesn't!"


"N-no," Harry said with difficulty, his stomach roiling madly, "I don't. I just....please Ginny.....I know it was wrong......I knew it when I did it, but......you don't understand.."


"No!" she snapped, "You're right. I don't! Oddly enough I find it very difficult to understand my supposedly straight husband sleeping around behind my back with another man. A man old enough to be his father! And then ending up pregnant!"


Harry had no answer for that, and hung his head again, trying frantically to calm his heaving insides.


"What if it had been me?" she asked, "What if I'd been the one to cheat and ended up carrying another man's child? Would you forgive me?"


She didn't wait for a response, knowing the truth - he would never have forgiven her such a betrayal. Ginny started toward the doorway, intending on packing some things for her and James, although she hadn't actually planned on leaving again.


"Ginny!" a strangled yelp escaped Harry, "please......p-please don't leave me! I love you and....I need you. I always have....even.....please!"


"I hadn't intended to leave you, Harry," she said, seemingly with great regret, "but I don't know if I can live here and see his face all the time. Stay here and imagine all the places you two betrayed me. It's bad enough being at my parents and thinking about that. I don't think I can be here, not when I can still see him standing in this room, cooking in the kitchen, holding James..." She stopped, her throat constricting as grief overpowered anger.


"You made a choice, Harry," she said when she could speak again, voice scratchy with suppressed tears, "and now you'll have to live with that choice, and its consequences. I can't believe you chose him over us...over James and me. Over everything you said you'd ever wanted. Everything could have been perfect, but you chose betrayal and lies over that."


Harry shook his head, denying her words. "It wasn't a choice," he moaned, his bile rising again at the thought of her leaving. "You can't choose who you love, Ginny. I wish it were that simple! It would have been so simple if I could have chosen who to love!"


She was silent for a long moment before she finally whispered, "Who would you have chosen?"


Harry couldn't help his eyes cutting toward Severus briefly, even though he snapped them right back to Ginny. "I love you," he choked out desperately, but it was too late. She'd seen what he'd done. Just before he rushed off, finally unable to hold back being ill anymore, he heard her final words.


Sadly she said, "That's not enough, Harry, not anymore."


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Contest details:

*Let us know what your guess is by leaving it in a review.

*You must quote the entire sentence.

*If you are first to guess correctly, we will notify you by e-mail, so be sure your e-mail is in your review.

*You can choose the prompts and characters for your chaplet, within reason. We would prefer to write a Snarry, but you can choose other characters if you so wish, within reason. (see below)

*"Within reason" means:

No Ginnybashing

No Hermione-centric storylines (We loathe her!)

No femmeslash

No incest

NO BOTTOM!SEVERUS!!! (We cannot stress this enough!)