Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

You Will Not Kiss Me	By : Prosperosdaughter Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Snape/Remus Views: 22836 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: JK Rowling & her associates own the Harry Potter universe and I make no money from my stories.

Chapter List
- 78
- 79
- 80
Disclaimer: All IPR owned by JKR.

Warning: M/M. Don't like, don't read.

Chapter 79: The Second Mate

Even though Snape had agreed to Dumbledore's plan, he was fretful and agitated. There was little Lupin could do to calm him. When he made love to Snape, Snape could not fully relax, no matter what Lupin did for him. Snape found he just could not abandon himself as he usually did. He was too intent on watching Lupin; on feeling him. His sense of dread told him to savour every look and touch as if it might be ripped from him at any moment. In his own mind, he had always doubted he deserved this love. Now, he would lose it; he was sure of it. He would have to, because he had to keep Lupin safe. It was almost as if Fate had intervened because, in truth, after all, he had never been entitled to this.

"Please Severus," implored Lupin. It had been a week since Snape had agreed, but he could not bring himself to discuss it further. His whole body washed with nausea every time he thought of it.

"I don't wish to discuss it!" snapped Snape, whirling out of the room to the kitchen. As he started to clatter around on some spurious culinary expedition, a gentle hand wrapped around his wrist and Lupin pressed himself to Snape. "It's bad enough I have to share you, but I won't discuss it too!"

"I am not a thing to be shared, Severus, and I don't want anyone else!" Lupin snapped in retort. "I want us to be safe and this is how we achieve it."

Snape inspected the back of the larder cupboard intently, pretending to look for who-knew-what rather than look at Lupin, upset to hear him snap when he so rarely did. Lupin wrapped his other hand around Snape's upper arm to turn him around to face him.

"Come now, Severus," said Lupin, softly. "You and I need to manage this. Together. As the bonded couple we are." Snape went to pull away, but Lupin wouldn't release him. "Don't let it split us apart, my love."

Snape stopped in his tracks. Why am I so stupid? he admonished himself. Lupin was right; Snape would bring about the very thing he feared if he didn't master himself. Manage it? Yes, he should want to manage it. He should want to be the one who gave this interloper access or not to his husband. It was imperative he did not lose sight of his goal to keep Lupin safe. He gave a stiff nod and let Lupin lead him back to the drawing room and sat down next to him on the settee.

"Firstly, I will need to speak to Dora to make sure she understands what she will be doing. It's a big step. She's still grieving for David. I'm as uneasy about the whole thing as you, but perhaps, I think, for different reasons. There's so much I think Albus does not understand."

"Like having a third person in our relationship …" spat Snape.

"No, that will not happen," Lupin said emphatically. "That would only happen if I Claimed Dora. That is not what I will do. Marking is different." Lupin sighed. "You remember when I first marked you, the bites faded." Snape nodded. "It wasn't a full Claim, even though we had had sex. But once I Claimed you fully – bit into you so deeply that a small part of my Lycantropy now runs through your veins – now only death can part us."

"How will you stop yourself?" asked Snape quietly, afraid to voice his fear too loudly, his eyes beseeching Lupin's.

"You are worried the beast in me will take me over and Dora and I will have sex, that I will not be able to stop myself," Lupin stated, disappointment evident in his face.

Snape flushed deeply to hear his fears spoken in the soft voice he loved – his fear that his husband might be weak in the face of that curse.

"Don't you see, Severus? It is critical I do not have sex with Dora for all our sakes. All those elements cement the Claim: the deep bite, sex. I don't deny that it is a deeply sexual thing, but it must be resisted. One day, Dora will be ready to move on with her life and find someone new; someone of her own. She must not be saddled with us because of an act of kindness to me, to Albus."

Snape snorted. "Imagine her horror to find she's saddled with me!"

Lupin smiled in acknowledgement, but it was a sad smile, and then he sighed heavily.

"When Voldemort falls, and you are free, we need never worry about being parted. In the meantime, we do what we must, but we must be careful of others too."

Snape knew Lupin was right, in every detail. Lupin's kindness always shamed Snape. Lupin never meant it to, Snape knew, but still it did. Lupin thought in ways that Snape just did not – not when it concerned Lupin anyway. Lupin was his world, his future. Snape had to think of that future. However, to Snape, Tonks was just a means to that end – to keeping Lupin safe. He repeated it like a mantra in his own head. He, of all people, had to be calm to see this through.

Finally, he took Lupin's hands in his own. He nodded emphatically and Lupin kissed his brow.

"You are right," said Snape. "You always are. You must speak to Miss Tonks and we must plan. Now the question has to be: where will you transform? It can't be here."

No, indeed, for all Lupin was right, Snape would not have Tonks in their home.

"The only place I can think of is Grimmauld Place," said Lupin, unfazed by Snape's adamant statement.

"Will you be all right there, with ... well ... your memories?"

"I'll be fine, Severus. It will only be for the transformation. If we can, if we have time, you and I will be together beforehand – properly – until I have to leave to prepare for moonrise," Lupin suggested.

Snape understood and was desperately grateful. This, above all things, he could not surrender to Tonks. He nodded eagerly.

"Yes, and I will come to you after moonset. You will tell Miss Tonks that I run tests to monitor the Wolfsbane."

"Yes. That works …"

oooOOOooo

Snape had spent hours in the early morning setting up for the day. He had sorted out all his ingredients and apparatus for the ritual and packed it all into a ceremonial casket. He then cast a security spell on the casket so Pettigrew could not tamper with it and then shrank it. Pettigrew had fussed around him, wanting to be involved so he could elevate his standing in the Dark Lord's eyes but Snape had kept him at bay with sharp words and the odd Stinging Hex.

Then he turned his attention to the poison. Because of the ritual, he could not pretend to be tending his latest version of the poison so he could be with Lupin. Well, it meant that Pettigrew would get his wish to stay away from tonight's meeting as he would have to tend it. Snape had added an enchanted accelerant to it to ensure it began to change colour throughout the night so that Pettigrew was fooled into thinking it required tending.

He had also contrived a nasty surprise for Pettigrew for Snape was a vengeful man himself. For all the distress he had felt over the past weeks, and that he would surely feel during the ritual and every full moon he was without Lupin, he had concocted his own revenge.

The instructions for Pettigrew called for essence of belladonna and a sprig of mint to be added at midnight as the potion became a deep claret. For Snape, of course, it had been easy to engineer the potion to change colour at the critical moment. He had contaminated his mint stock with bubotuber pus injected into the veins of the leaves so that when they were added, the potion would slowly congeal and then combust. It was a waste of a cauldron, but worth it. The Dark Lord would be furious.

Snape smirked unpleasantly. It was the very least Pettigrew deserved.

oooOOOooo

Snape got to the flat and placed the ritual casket by the front door so he wouldn't forget it. He so wanted to be with Lupin, but he had dreaded this night. He had told Tippy that neither of them would be staying for dinner tonight and saw her crestfallen look.

"Cook something particularly nice for Master Lupin for tomorrow evening, Tippy," Snape said.

"Does Professor Snape not want anything particular for himself?" Tippy asked, brightening hopefully.

"What Master Lupin likes, I will like too," Snape said distractedly, his attention wandering to the front door.

"Even blue fillet steak?" asked Tippy incredulously. Snape snorted somewhat nervously. It was true: Lupin did like his meat rather too bloody for Snape's taste.

"Perhaps my fillet could be medium rare ..." suggested Snape.

"Of course, Professor Snape," the little elf bowed and headed off to the kitchen. "Tippy has some new recipes for Master Lupin she is sure he will enjoy especially on Master Lupin's recovery day, plenty of protein and iron for him, cruciferous vegetables, yes that will be good. Master Lupin is such a good eater! And then for pudding ..."

Snape tuned out her voice as he heard the front door uncatch and felt the hair on his body rise and his breath caught as he swallowed heavily.

His body knew: it was time.

oooOOOooo

Lupin kissed Snape tenderly as he held Snape, unfocused and inarticulate and still trembling in his arms, his body calming to that deep and throbbing contentment he always felt after Lupin took him in the manner of the wolf. It was the first time in that month that Snape have given himself over completely, had felt full and total release.

Snape was vaguely aware that Lupin called Tippy to draw them a bath. It was ready within minutes. Lupin helped Snape into the bath and then got in with him. He pulled Snape back onto himself and washed him gently. Snape was exhausted and he relaxed into the gentle cleansing completely.

"Why?" he managed to rasp out, his voice ragged from crying out. They normally bathed together the next morning, or rather Snape bathed Lupin. It had become almost like a ritual to Snape.

"You told me you made Wolfsbane for Greyback and others. If they come, they will smell me on you," said Lupin as he rinsed around Snape's neck and shoulders.

"Now, is there anything I mustn't use? Anything that might interfere with your sense of smell? Or the potion itself?" Lupin asked.

Snape looked up at Lupin from his prone position against his chest, seeing the paleness of Lupin's face, knowing how tired he must be, and yet he was exerting himself to bathe Snape to keep him safe, and still having the sense to ask these questions. Snape, always at his most vulnerable after these monthly encounters that sated him so fully, was completely drained and now he now felt completely overwhelmed.

"I love you so," whispered Snape.

Lupin stopped washing him and bent to kiss him, stroking a finger down his face.

"And I love you," he said gently, and smiled. "Now tell me, my love."

"It's not a delicate brew," Snape said, his voice still weak. "Use whatever you know works. I trust you."

"Well, we know this works," Lupin said, and unwrapped a bar of coal tar soap. "Sorry, Severus. This might be a bit … um … intimate."

Even though Lupin washed him quite thoroughly and intimately, every touch was welcome. If anything, it helped him back to his senses. It was a ridiculously strong smell, but an exceptionally clean one. Lupin scrubbed himself clean also. By the end of the bath, Snape felt himself more himself once more and as ready as he could be for what was to come.

oooOOOooo

Snape held the shrunken casket under one arm, as Lupin pressed him bodily back on the front door, his hands either side of Snape's face, kissing him repeatedly, neither prepared to let the other go.

"You must go now, Severus," Lupin whispered as he kissed him again.

"I don't want to." Snape kissed Lupin again.

"I know, but we must go. There's only twenty minutes to moonrise." Lupin held Snape's chin in his fingers for one more kiss, nodded and moved away and Snape Disapparated, still feeling Lupin's soft kiss on his lips as he Apparated into the hall of the dusty manor house. He touched the tips of his fingers to his mouth like a talisman, feeling more sure than he had this month that he was still loved.

"Ah Severus," the Dark Lord sang. "The man of the hour!" There was nervous laughter from the gathered Death Eaters. "You do not wear your mask."

Snape cursed inwardly for forgetting. No matter.

"My Lord." Snape bowed low. "I have a rare and complicated potion to brew. I couldn't possibly ..."

"Of course. Of course," the Dark Lord rushed to agree, never wanting to appear he had not understood some aspect of magic, even if it was beyond him. "Choose the place you require."

Snape chose the ancient table in the decrepit study next to the hall, and cast strong cleaning charms over it. He wanted somewhere out of the way, somewhere relatively private for the time being as he felt the tug in his gut. It made him flinch. He had not expected it. He held his breath, wondering what had gone wrong. Would he be taken ill? But that first tug was all he felt. His jaw clamped tight as he inhaled deeply.

Lupin must have done it then: he had marked Tonks. He felt a wave of nausea wash over him. He braced his hands on the table as he inhaled again to calm himself. He had to master himself. Lupin was the wolf now. Surely, nothing personal could happen between him and Tonks now? Snape had been with Lupin at Lupin's most sensuous time. Merlin, Snape had the profound ache to prove it! Should he have taken a pain reliever? No. No, it was better this way. It reminded him that it was he that Lupin had taken before the change. That deep throb in his lower body, as if Lupin was still there - his - he screwed his eyes shut to savour the feeling.

Snape had to remain focused. He steeled himself once more, grateful he was away from the others. At least setting up his equipment meant he did not have to participate in the Dark Lord's meeting, although he tried to listen for any news that might be of interest to the Order through the open doors.

He cast Engorgio on the casket's contents and took his time setting out the burner, and the small sized silver cauldron, glass rod stirrer and silver ladle. Then he set out all of the prepared ingredients in the order he was to use them. Then he set out those ingredients which had to be chopped fresh during the ritual (including myself, he thought grimly). Finally, he unravelled the silver ceremonial chalice and the ritual dagger from the crushed crimson velvet in which he had wrapped them.

He busied himself with chanting over the cauldron. It was not necessary for the ritual. It was, in fact, a Muggle yoga chant for relaxation but until it was time for the ritual, he didn't want to think too much about Lupin and Tonks, about carving his arm open for the Dark Lord, about why Dumbledore refused to let him use this opportunity to poison the Dark Lord.

Snape could do it. He could do it easily. He had so many undetectable poisons at his disposal. And yet Dumbledore always refused – always told him other things had to happen before the Dark Lord could be killed – things he could not tell Snape because that would jeopardise everything. Snape put his hands over his face while he chanted reflexively. Just like he wasn't to tell Lupin about his vow to kill Dumbledore or about his Unbreakable Vow to Narcissa.

So many secrets swirling around: some he kept, some kept from him. It was hardly unreasonable that Snape's faith in Lupin wavered sometimes. Snape judged Lupin according to himself and Snape was a liar. He chanted to take himself deeper, to take himself away from where this chain of thought would lead him as his stomach lurched at the thought of Lupin and Tonks. One of his hands dropped from his face to his bonding circlet, firmly embedded in his arm. He allowed himself to stroke it, just brief, small brushes of his fingertips against it. It was everything to him.

He calmed breath by breath, until it was time to start to brew. Then, he Occluded deeply so that only that part of his mind, the finely disciplined Apothecary, would partake of the ceremony. The sooner it was accomplished, the sooner he would be free to return to Lupin.

oooOOOooo

It was done.

Narcissa had applied the Dittany to the deep wound to the soft flesh of his right forearm and applied a healing charm as well. She had a remarkably deft healing touch, Snape thought. His arm smarted, but there would be no scar. It was just as well since he would have to do the same thing in twenty nine days.

As he stood and thanked Narcissa, Pettigrew rushed through the hallway to him, looking terrified at the large wolves that followed him in. Greyback! But Snape had no interest in that animal. His eyes narrowed with malice as Pettigrew raced up to him.

"I don't know what happened! I did everything just as you told me!" Pettigrew cringed before him. Fear for the man in front of him; fear of the animals behind. Snape was glad he was not Peter Pettigrew.

"What have you done, imbecile?" barked Snape, loudly enough for the Dark Lord to hear. Out of the corner of Snape's eye, he saw the Dark Lord turn to listen. Snape moved threateningly toward Pettigrew. "What have you done to our Lord's poison?"

"Your instructions must have been wrong!" the small man squealed. Snape started towards him suddenly with his wand drawn.

"Why you ..."

"Severus!" the Dark Lord hissed. Snape backed away with a bow as Pettigrew fell to his knees and grasped the Dark Lord's robe with the tips of his fingers in obeisance.

"My Lord!" Pettigrew snivelled. "I did everything ... I followed every instruction to the letter! The instructions must have been wrong! Please, my Lord, you must believe me!"

"Must I?" the Dark Lord demanded. He turned to Snape.

Snape's eyes blazed with fury. Not fury for the destroyed poison, of course, but for the dagger he had had to rake through his own arm as the Dark Lord looked on with sadistic delight, for the love he had had to entrust to another on this the most vulnerable night in the month and for both things that would have to happen every full moon for as long as Snape could foresee. Yes, indeed, his eyes blazed with fury.

"Severus," the Dark Lord enquired softly, "were the instructions difficult?"

"A child could have accomplished them, my Lord," Snape hissed. "Stirring at the right time, and the addition of two ingredients – just two! – at the height of the moon. What damage is there?" Snape demanded of the cowering man.

"Just ... just ... the cauldron. I have cleaned it all! But we ... we will need to start again," simpered Pettigrew, his eyes now filled with tears.

"We? We? My Lord, please! All my work! Ruined! A copper cauldron destroyed. This is no assistance at all!" Snape hoped he had judged his righteous indignation correctly. "I apologise, my Lord," he said quickly and bowed.

"No, you are right, Severus. Your diligence cannot be gainsaid. If Wormtail is more of a hindrance than a help, I shall not inflict him in you. You must start again and we will find a way to accommodate the moon. You have done well tonight. You may go." The Dark Lord twisted his neck as if stretching his neck muscles and then looked down at Pettigrew, his visage twisting.

"And you!" the Dark Lord sneered and he kicked the small man over as Snape swept out of the room.

"CRUCIO!"

oooOOOooo

It wasn't quite yet moonset.

Snape took the casket back to Spinner's End and checked the cellar. Pettigrew had left it scrupulously clean. Snape shook his head. Pettigrew would rather have braved the Dark Lord's wrath than await Snape in his own home. Pettigrew knew Snape was biding his time to hurt him for suggesting the Acutor potion. Possibly, Pettigrew had thought Snape would kill him when he returned. He could not help but allow himself a dark smile. Poor Pettigrew didn't understand that, whilst the Dark Lord used Snape, Snape used the Dark Lord too.

Snape re-worked his wards so all but he and Lupin were once more excluded and Disapparated to the top step outside the front door of Grimmauld Place and waited for moonrise. As soon as he judged Lupin's reversion to be complete, Snape let himself in loudly and took the stairs as quickly as he could.

He let himself in to see Lupin kneeling on the floor with a blanket wrapped around him, panting from the reversion, and Tonks withdrawing her arms from him. He stood in the doorway and set his face to a sneer, genuinely felt in Tonks's case.

"How very touching," said Snape, his lip curling.

"You can keep your thoughts to yourself, Snape," Tonks retorted sharply, and turned back to Lupin. "Are you all right. Can I help you into bed?" Snape's hold on his patience snapped.

"Leave him be, Miss Tonks. I have tests to conduct and your assistance is extraneous to requirements. Leave, if you please."

"I can wait, if you like, Remus?" said Tonks. Snape heard the distrust of him in her voice.

"That will not be necessary, Miss Tonks," sneered Snape. "I assure you, Lupin has been safe in my hands for some years now."

"How dare you ..." Tonks started, flexing her fingers around her wand as she sprang to her feet. Her bare feet!

"Yes, Miss Tonks?" snarled Snape, his wand in his hand on the instant.

"Please," gasped Lupin weakly. "This really isn't necessary. Severus will take good care of me, Dora. Please don't worry."

Tonks's stare darted from Lupin to Snape. No doubting her calling, Snape thought.

"Fine," Dora huffed as she slipped on her shoes. She turned to Lupin and bent to kiss his cheek. Snape's jaw worked in annoyance, as he took in the apology in Lupin's eyes. She placed a hand over Lupin's.

"Take care, Remus. If you need anything at all, Floo me. We'll speak soon." She smiled softly at him. Snape had seen that smile before. It had been the way she smiled at David, he was sure.

"Thank you, Dora. And thank you for what you did last night." said Lupin, earnestly.

"Any time, Remus," she said lightly. "Anything for a friend," she added pointedly, looking Snape up and down as if he could never possibly count as one.

Tonks patted Lupin's hand again, and squeezed. With one last glower at Snape, she left the room. Snape listened to her descend the stairs, and was pretty sure she tripped down one. Then he turned to Lupin and started to cast to see what injuries he had.

"Don't I get a kiss good morning?"

"When I know you're not injured," Snape said, his turn now to huff, trying to hide how offended he still felt, and failing.

He found some contusions and one small dislocated bone in Lupin's wrist and dealt with those and enlarged his Apothecary bag for his Bruise Balm.

As he undid the jar, he heard loud footsteps on the landing. Quickly looking up, Snape spotted Tonks's bag, scooped it up and in three long strides, made the bedroom door and pulled it open just as Tonks was reaching for the handle.

"I just .. I forgot .." she stammered as she tried to peer over his shoulder to Lupin, her expression concerned.

"Do try not to be so forgetful, Miss Tonks," sneered Snape and thrust the bag at her and slammed the door in her shocked face. He waited by the door until he heard Tonks leave the house, and then his shoulders relaxed.

"Try not to be too harsh, Severus," Lupin said softly. Snape spun to make a retort, but stopped himself as he took in just how pale Lupin was.

"What was it you said to me once about being able to deal with only so much opprobrium?" snapped Snape, angry he was so mistrusted with the one person he loved above all others by the one in these past weeks he had come to fear so desperately.

"Why don't we go to bed, my love? I've missed you," said Lupin, softly, his face so gentle and understanding, and yet so pale and tired.

"No," Snape said softly. "We'll go to our own home."

With that, he gently helped Lupin out of the blanket and into his clothes, and then Apparated them downstairs then supported him onto the front step to Disapparate to their own flat.

As soon as he had opened their front door, supporting Lupin in his arms, Tippy in her bow came rushing up to them.

"Oh my masters! It's so good to have you home!" she cried. "I have made the bed freshly for Master Lupin's recovery." She pattered away in front of them. "Shall I bring tea for you? Do you want breakfast now or later?"

Snape felt Lupin squeeze his side as Lupin smiled weakly at him. "Thank you for bringing me home, Severus."

Every time Lupin spoke or smiled at him, it seemed to wear away more of his upset and soothe him. He squeezed Lupin back and continued into the bedroom.

"Tea, please, Tippy, and breakfast later, I think," said Snape, never taking his eyes from Lupin. He heard the elf patter away as he helped Lupin out of his clothes and into bed and once more cast his wand over him, checking for any injuries he may have missed. Satisfied there were no more, he replaced the covers over Lupin.

Tippy came in with a tea tray and placed it on the bedside cabinet. "So good to have you both home, it is," she said softly under her breath. "Tippy gets so worried for her masters." With that, she left the room and shut the bedroom door after her.

Snape stared after her. "What do you make of that?" he said, as he turned and poured the tea.

"It must be difficult for her. She so often sees us hurt. A house-elf is bound to her masters, to serve them and help them. Imagine how it must feel for her to be helpless and so often," Lupin said, his voice weak and breathy.

Snape sat on the side of the bed, helping Lupin to sit up to drink some tea, all of his anger and misery now gone as he felt Lupin's hand over his own holding the tea, here by his husband's side, caring for him. He felt his body relaxing, demanding sleep that had been denied it.

He undressed and crawled in next to Lupin, who curled up into Snape's arms, nestling against his chest. Suddenly, Snape's heart felt full, emotional that all his fears, for this month at least, were unfounded. He tightened his embrace and kissed the crown of Lupin's head and drifted off to sleep.

oooOOOooo

Neither woke until late morning, both so exhausted. Snape bathed Lupin tenderly then they ate the large brunch Tippy had laid out for them and Snape told Lupin about the night and all that had passed with the ritual. After they had eaten, they sat in the drawing room as Lupin spoke about his night.

"Did you ever think just how much Dumbledore has asked of Tonks to keep us safe?"

"Why should I care?" Snape snapped, stiffening.

"Please, Severus. This unkind mask of yours doesn't wash with me," said Lupin kindly, pulling Snape back towards him. "I think it's important. We need to be careful. I think it's important that we try to keep the full moon as transactional for her as possible. She is still grieving for David. It would be too easy to transfer her affections to me if she thinks I need care and attention."

"Perhaps she would find it easier to grieve if she had acknowledged this love of her life," hissed Snape nastily.

"She is a nice girl, Severus. You should try not to be so unkind because you feel defensive. But just because I think she is a nice girl does not mean she could replace you. I have bonded my soul to you."

"I'm sorry," murmured Snape. "I worry. I can't stop it. I imagine things ... such things ... that she'll take you from me. Now you've ... marked her."

"Severus. Just marked. That is all."

They sat in uncomfortable silence for a while.

"You could see for yourself. Then you'll know," suggested Lupin

"I would not ask it of you. It would be saying I do not trust you. I do trust you. But ..." Snape closed his eyes. They stung. "I am afraid."

"You have nothing to fear, Severus. I want you to see and know for sure. All of this is hard enough for us. Do this not because you do not trust me but so I can give you this comfort."

Snape searched the eyes of Lupin. Such earnest eyes. Open and honest. He loved them so. He closed his eyes again. Was it wrong to do this? His eyes flew open as he felt Lupin place Snape's wand in his hand and then close his hand over it and nod to him. Snape held Lupin's face gently.

Legilimens.

Snape would rather have just sat and talked in Lupin's mind. Always so restful and loving, why would he want to worry himself with memories of Nymphadora Tonks?

Come, Severus.

Lupin arrived at Grimmauld Place and Tonks followed a minute later. Her hair was limp and mousy and she was pale. Snape thought she was thinner too. She wore a black crew neck T shirt and black jeans.

They chatted companionably as they went upstairs and Tonks waited on the landing as Lupin went to his old bedroom to undress and, after wrapping a light blanket around himself and sitting on the floor, he called to her that he was decent once more.

Tonks came in, not at all worried, that was clear.

"You've nothing I haven't seen before," she said with a faint, but crooked, smile.

"You've not seen mine, and you've no need to," Lupin said, with a small laugh of his own. Tonks sat cross-legged on the floor. She looked drawn and chewed her lip as her eyes glistened.

"If this is too troubling, Dora, you really don't need to stay," said Lupin.

"Are you mad?" hissed Snape in horror.

"Look at her face, Severus. Think of the memories it must be bringing back to her! How would you feel?"

"It's not that, Remus," said Tonks. "I'll be fine. Full moons have been difficult for me since ... well, since David ..." Tonks sniffed and looked away. "It's good to be useful on a night I don't find easy anymore."

"Nevertheless," Lupin said emphatically. "It's very kind of you."

Tonks gave him a small, sad smile.

"Let's do this then," she said and, without saying anything more, removed her Weird Sisters T shirt so she sat in front of Lupin in only her bra and trousers.

Snape felt Lupin's embarrassment as he looked away from the black garment and to her shoulder muscle where the silver, puckered scar of David's bite remained, just visible under her lank, mousy hair.

"You bite over another's?" asked Snape.

"Yes, but it only works as a marking if the other werewolf no longer lives," Lupin replied sadly.

Lupin shuffled his arms out of the blanket, clutching the rest around his waist. Tonks smiled.

"I never would have thought you'd be the type for a tattoo, Remus," she said, laughing. "Show me." Lupin turned slightly so Tonks could see the filigree markings that had now curled across his shoulder. "It's incredible!"

"Why, thank you, Dora," Lupin said, a little more relaxed now.

Tonks moved her hand up to touch it, (Snape drew a breath sharply over his teeth in offence) but Lupin drew away carefully with an embarrassed smile.

"I'm sorry," said Tonks. "That was rather rude, wasn't it?" She laughed softly again.

"No, I'm sorry," said Lupin. "We should ..." Lupin's cheeks coloured. "It's getting late."

"Yes, of course," Tonks said, shaking herself slightly.

Lupin moved forward and raised his hand to her neck tentatively and then pulled it away.

"Your hair," he said hoarsely.

"I'm sorry," she replied, and she pulled her own hair away and then looked down at her own lap.

Snape could feel Lupin's shame rising.

"I felt like I was defiling her, Severus. A marking is an intimate thing, even without sex. In fact, without sex, it's more of an assault."

Lupin rested his hands on Tonks's shoulders and nestled his head into the crook of her shoulder and neck and opened his mouth on the bite. He heard Tonks take a breath sharply and pulled away quickly.

"Are you sure?" asked Lupin again.

"Yes, Remus. Get on with it, please." Snape heard the catch in her voice.

Lupin replaced his hands and his mouth and bit.

The effect Snape felt in Lupin's mind was electric. As Lupin bit through skin, but not the muscle, his hands tightened on Tonks's shoulder and Lupin's body was innervated. There was no doubt that his sexual desire was piqued on that instant but Lupin squashed it hard. He sucked on the bite to draw blood to the surface, but he didn't tongue it. Snape realised that Lupin was only doing enough to mark her without continuing to perfect his Claim by piercing the muscle and taking her, although his body warred against his consciousness. The Curse that resided in Lupin wanted fulfilment, but Lupin mastered it.

Tonks's body went limp in his hands and she gasped at the feel and her arms wrapped around Lupin's back.

"No!" Snape's mind shouted. It was a small gesture but it was full of longing.

"Be calm, Severus. It is the bite only. Watch now," soothed Lupin.

Lupin gradually ceased tonguing the bite and withdrew his mouth from Tonks's neck. Her head fell back briefly, and then she lifted herself back to look at him. Her eyes, now the colour of his – exactly the colour and shape of his – held his own, her pupils dilated. It lasted but a second, but there was no doubt of her sexual attraction to him at that moment.

"It was the bite, Severus. That is all that was. Be calm."

Then her eyes were her own again once more as she focused on the T shirt that Lupin handed to her, his own hand trembling slightly.

"It will be time soon," Lupin said and Tonks smiled and pulled her T shirt back on as Lupin adjusted his blanket.

"Tell me how you've been, Dora," Lupin said gently. "At least we have a few minutes to talk before ..."

Tonks seemed to recover herself as she told him that she felt a little better. She was back at work full-time now after her compassionate leave. It had been hard because only a few people knew about David.

"And you?" she asked. "How is it here without Sirius?"

It jolted Snape. Of course, she thought Black had been Lupin's mate. David would have told her that. He knew differently in the end though. That Memory Charm had cost David his life. Snape felt a surge of guilt about his antipathy towards her. If there had been no need to protect his status as the Order's spy, her mate would be alive today.

"Doesn't she know that death would release you so you would not sicken?" Snape asked.

"Clearly not. She may just think I need help with the transformation."

"I try not to be here too often," replied Lupin, evasively.

"Yours missions for Dumbledore?" she asked. Lupin nodded.

At that moment, Snape felt a sharp pain starting to radiate fast from the base of Lupin's spine, powerful and nauseating and then it tore up Lupin's spine, seeming to rend it in two -

"No!" Lupin cried out, grasping the wrist of Snape's wand hand, and Snape, terrified by that second of pain he felt, withdrew instantly from his mind, feeling a huge pulse of Lupin's will pushing at him.

"Never that! Never be in my mind for that," Lupin gasped, his expression distraught, as he held on to Snape's wrist tightly.

Snape broke Lupin's grip and wrapped his arms around him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't think to get out quickly. I didn't mean to stay in." He kissed Lupin's face, hearing Lupin gasping for breath. He simply had not thought. He certainly had not expected this distress. "Please, Remus. I'm sorry."

"Never that," repeated Lupin as he kissed Snape back. "Please."

He pressed Lupin back on to the settee and smoothed his hair and kissed him again, apologising softly until Lupin was calm again, cradled in Snape's arms.

After a while, Lupin began to speak, although Snape hadn't prompted it. Snape had seen what he so desperately needed to see, after all.

"Dora held me whilst I transformed. It wasn't an easy transformation, but it wasn't as appalling as it used to be ... before I had you." Lupin pushed himself back so he could look at Snape whilst he spoke. "She let me go and I curled up on the blanket. She sat and talked for a while, telling me about her work, about the Order and what it meant to her. She stroked my fur." Snape bridled. Lupin squeezed his hand. "I saw her do that to Sirius in his Animagus form, Severus. I don't think it means anything. She held me around the neck and told me how she missed David. I think ... I think holding on to me like that brought it back to her."

"It's not exactly the type of intimacy Jane Witch and Joe Wizard have, is it?" Snape snorted.

"Quite. She talked for hours, Severus, telling me how she and David first met, how she asked him out because she thought he was shy. Of course, she didn't realise that he kept the dreadful secret of werewolfism. Eventually, he agreed to go out with her, and she told me about their dates and how he took her clubbing. I wondered if they went troll-hunting when she said that. Probably just as well I couldn't speak. That would have shown what an old fogey I am, wouldn't it? They had so much in common, Severus. She told me the music they shared, the concerts they went to, how they would travel when their work permitted until he joined the Order and came on missions with me, because he wanted to do whatever he could to fight Voldemort, just like his mate. At times, I wasn't sure if she knew I was there, she was so lost in her reminiscences.

"Of course, there was little I could do apart from whimper here and there. It's not like when we're together, Severus, and we can speak to each other. I forget that other werewolves, even on Wolfsbane, don't have the connection that we share." Lupin moved back into Snape's arms and kissed his neck.

"What we have, Severus, is really very special. Unique, possibly."

Snape nodded. Yes, unique. That is what is was, and Snape felt an absolute fool not to have realised it.

Snape leant forward and kissed Lupin passionately. He would not let these vague imaginings keep him from Lupin any longer.

Snape stood and held his hand out to Lupin and led him back to the bedroom, and undressed him slowly and gently. He had been so foolish to worry. They were unique. Lupin kissed Snape's neck as he undressed Snape and led him back to the bed. Lupin lay down and held his arms out to him. Snape's heart raced to see his husband so inviting - his blue eyes dusky with desire. Snape crawled over him, kissing him everywhere as slowly as he could, allowing his hands to wander and luxiurate in the feel of Lupin's skin and the sounds of Lupin's sighs and moans. Why had he denied himself the luxury of losing himself in his husband? It was madness. Snape pulled himself up over Lupin's body and rested his weight on his elbows so he could be face to face with that beloved face. He tightened his hold on Lupin underneath him and he searched Lupin's eyes, drinking him in before he sunk into him and lost himself fully. Lupin spread his legs under Snape and wrapped them loosely around Snape's legs as he stroked Snape's face.

"I'm still yours, Severus. As I promised. Completely," Lupin whispered hoarsely.

Snape's chest swelled with such passion and love that he could not form words, he could only love Lupin as tenderly as he was able. He pushed into Lupin's yielding body, his mind and body on fire with the complete certainty that Lupin was still his own, his very own, and perhaps, just perhaps, it would be Snape who would be allowed to keep Lupin safe.

A/N: Thank you to my first three reviewers. Your reviews are appreciated.
- 78
- 79
- 80
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

You Will Not Kiss Me