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Corruption Of Innocence	By : mrsrickman Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male Views: 1461 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Chapter 9

Severus� Story

"I was a Death Eater as you know." He swallowed and waited for a reaction from her. When none came he continued. "My mother died when I was still a very young, a baby, I have no memory of her a such,� he frowned. �An argument between a woman who I think was her and a man� nothing more. I never new my father he left before I was born. My mother was thrown quite un-expectantly into a group of Death Eaters, she was claimed by one and became his consort. When she died I was dumped at an orphanage. I spent many years living there as a Muggle in a Muggle orphanage. After all I myself aren�t of true blood. Why they didn�t kill me I�ve no idea, but there you go,

"They were hard times. The people were cruel and beat us regularly. To a child under the age of six that was terrifying. It was like living in the past not the twentieth century,

"The building itself was previously used as an asylum. Only recently before had it been refurbished to cater for children. Mostly children found on the streets. They were very strict there. One foot out of line and you were in deep trouble. It was a crushing sort of grey desperation, rooted with a deep foreboding depression. No individuality, no artistic aspirations, literature was scarce, dusty, archaic, if at all. I would just do my best to blend into the walls,�

"Of cause they all thought I was mad."

"Why?" Taya shifted herself onto an elbow and studied him. Severus turned to face her and was met with a soft kiss.

"I was the small, shy child that no one wanted to talk to, who spoke only to the walls and invisible people. Sometimes things happened. Items disappeared only to reappear days or weeks later. I was punished for that. The adults thought I was deranged. I saw ghosts, spectres, and dead people. The orphanage was haunted, after all it had been an asylum." He shrugged slightly. "It is difficult to remember exactly. A child�s impression. I block most of it out. Childhood for me was one of those unpleasant events I just had to get through, not to be enjoyed. Innocence was lost years ago."

"But they must have let you play sometimes?" Severus laughed a bitter sound of remorse, tinged with horror at the memories flooding back into his mind.

"Of course not. Playing was for weaklings. We had no toys, no games, nothing. We lived in two dormitories. One for the girls the other for the boys. We weren�t allowed to mix however. We never saw any of the girls. Sometimes we even wondered whether they actually existed, or whether they were just figments of our imagination."

"Then there weren�t any female wardens, teachers?"

"Not that I can remember. Each year was kept separated from the next. If there were any women then they must have kept to the other years,

"The Headmaster was a cruel man. Sometimes I would hear children screaming and bury my head in shame. I dread to think what they did to those poor creatures."

"But what about you?"

"They never abused me that way if that is what you are thinking." He shook his head and shot a rueful expression towards her. "I think they were a little afraid of me. I could do things remember? Like I said, make things vanish. Some people said I was devil spawn, others commented on my apparent lack of intelligence."

"But you�re the most intelligent man I�ve ever known. How? How can they say that to a little boy?"

"They wanted to keep us in order. Fear was an adept way to discipline powerless children."

"Didn�t the social services have any idea what was going on?"

"How should I possibly know that?" He spoke if it was the most distinct thing in the world, words tinged with obvious, but subtle sarcasm. "We were living in the middle of nowhere, no roads, no Muggle automobiles. All I could see were fields in every direction, and dead trees. I wouldn�t know one way or the other if anyone else knew about us,

"When I was eight I�d had enough of that place and escaped. Ran away if you like. I was surprised how easy it was to leave. Perhaps they thought that no one in their right mind would try and escape. There wasn�t really anywhere to run to other than the countryside. After all I was thought of as mad."

"Did they ever catch you? What happened?"

"I would assume that the orphanage was located near London because that is where I went. It took many days on foot. And as a starving frightened child it seemed all that more worse."

How can it be any worse, wondered Taya. She eased his head onto her chest, her hand reached up stroking his hair.

"I was finally discovered by this man called Mister Rastlemouth. I told him who I was and he recogd myd my name. He told me I was a special person. He promised me warmth, food and kindness. Rastlemouth noticed my gifts and for a half blood he thought I was very cleaver and had potential. Unknown to me the man was in league with �You Know Who.� After a few days I was smuggled out of what you may call genuine humanity and into the clutches of the Death Eaters. I had no chance against the world alone. I lived the next few years with..." his voice broke off into a quiver. Taya feared he was weeping but from the look on his face, his expression was remote and guarded.

"Y">"It�s okay, you don�t have to tell me anymore if you don�t want to." Severus looked up at her and took a deep breath.

"I�m...fine," he murmured the continued. "I lived with this family, the Fiendlows. They taught me many things and told me I was a wizard. Of cause I didn�t believe them at first. Only when things started to happen at a more regular basis that I believed. For a while I actually felt happy there. They clothed me; the mother even gave me a few toys to play with. She was actually quite kind, but elderly. She died soon after, leaving behind her only son and a daughter,

"I learned more while living with that family than my entire seven year stay at Hogwarts and I only lived there for two years. I�m sure you have heard that when I first arrived here I new more about black magic than any second year and I was ten years of age,

"I got my letter from Hogwarts a year early you see. Professor Dumbledore had apparently known about me, which was a small miracle in itself. He got me out of that situation and brought me here. I spent a whole year researching, studying the subjects I would be partaking in the next. Not until I was eleven I was permitted to study in classes like everyone else,

�I assumed the Headmaster wanted to allow me some personal freedom before the work began, but I felt at a loss. I was bored mostly nothing captured my interest. I felt I had no one to commune with,

�I suppose I had an advantage over everyone else. I researched late into the night sometimes. I could never sleep properly, and Dumbledore granted me special permission to use the library up until midnight, way past curfew,

�That was very good of him,� said Taya.

�Yes well,� Severus looked down at knees. He took a long mournful sigh then looked Taya directly he ehe eye before drawing his attention to the large clon thn the mantelpiece. �I knew he always felt sorry for me, but I never understood why. I never felt sorrow for myself and had little time for those who did.�

�But Severus, you were ten years old!�

�Yes. I felt like an old man trapped inside a child�s body. I never felt content or relieved that I was now free.�

�I suppose I should have been grateful to Dumbledore, but I felt more alone than I ever had. I missed those people. I knew what they were doing was wrong, but they were the only people I could justify calling my family,

"I spent the entire eight years at Hogwarts never leaving once. Even during the summer holidays I remained within its towers. I wanted to leave, wanted to go back to them and feel important again. I felt wanted and useful while living with them. I felt a kin with them, I blocked out the fact that what they were doing was harmful, not only to me but to hundreds of others."

Severus closed his eyes for a moment, his mind filling with images, memories, some long lost and forgotten, while others remained as fresh and as vivid in intensity as the day he had experienced them. For a long while he sat in silence. The quiet broke the chilling jagged spell that seemed caste upon his mind.

He looked at the girl sitting beside him. Her expression was grave, her eyes empty. Taya turned her head, eyes widening slightly from the realisation that he was staring.

"Severus?"

"Forgive me." He stood up and turned away to stare into the fire. "I feel that we must cut this meeting short. I..."

"Hurting?"

"It�s difficult speaking off this...so openly."

"I understand." She smiled and joined him by the fireplace. Taya reached out to touch him but he pulled away.

"You couldn�t possibly understand," he snapped. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again when he continued. "You may have the ability to see into my mind but you�t p�t possibly know what it was like for real. No one can." He sighed deeply with deliberate annoyance and touched fingers to his aching temples. "This was a bad idea. I...I should be going. Good night Miss Matterson." Taya looked down at the floor. Was she expecting too much from him? Was she pushing him too hard to get him to confide in her? The last thing she wanted was to shove him away.

Severus Snape slipped his boots on and then grabbed his cloak. He headed for the door while flinging the cape around his shoulders. His body felt like a heavy block of ice. Freezing needles of pain jabbed at his spine and the sickening wrenching sensation of nausea took hold of his abdomen. It felt as if his stomach was gorged with rocks, grinding and crashing against each other, pushing the bitter taste of bile up and into his throat.

He felt the familiar feeling of burning in his gullet and the taste of aci/P> /P>

A disturbing heaviness pressed down onto his shoulders. In one way he wanted to just quietly take his place back down on the sofa, but in another he wanted to get away as quickly as possible and bury himself in the darkness of his dungeons.

Just as he prepared to walk out on her shinghing made him stop and turn around. In any other circumstance he would have kept going until he was safely consumed within the dark depth of Hogwarts� dungeons. Something, an attachment to this young woman and an uncharacteristic feeling of guilt halted him in mid stride.

"I...um, I�m sorry I was angry," he said, "but I need some time alone now. I need to think things through."

Tears welled in Taya�s eyes. She felt isolated from him, from his feelings, from her own feelings. Dark emotions were skimming the surface of her conscience. Pain was wracking at her brain. She saw from the look in his eyes he needed time away from her.

For a brief second his iron clad control relaxed again. "I just need a few days, a week at the most." He thought for a moment. "In four days I will see you again."

Taya�s heart lurched in her chest. For a distinct moment she had thought he didn�t want her any more. That he had reverted to his old broody, bitter self-permanently. That the last few days had been a waste, which trying to get him to open up had been in vain. She smiled and reached out her hands, but didn�t touch him.

"I would very much like to see you again." He nodded. "For a moment there I thought that I had lost you."

"You haven�t lost me. Am I not still standing here?" She smiled again, a slender shiver of relief washed though her. His subtle attempt at humouring her had eased her distress.

"Thursday night then? The same time?" She stood stiffly waiting for his answer. Taya didn�t realise her eyes were pleading.

"Thursday night." Severus turned and walked out of the door.

Taya blew a small breath of air out between her lips and plopped down on the sofa. Four days, she thought. Just four days. Four long bloody days.

+ + +

Those four days had been torturous for Taya, spending the evenings alone with only the echoes of his thoughts for company made her feel restless and unsettled. After the forth day he came to her room as promised and was rewarded with a crushing embrace and tender kisses.

"I missed you," he whispered while gazing into the fire that was her eyes.

"I missed you too, love." She took his hand and held it in her lap. "I�ve been thinking." Taya paused while studying the intensity in his dark eyes. He was frowning slightly.

"Didn�t she know how you felt?"

Severus shook his head. "How could she? How could I tell her? Lily had just become Potter�s fiancée. was was swept up in it all. To foolhardy to notice what was happening around her. My world was breaking down around me. I realised that I truly was alone. I suppose it was bitterness that pushed me back into the dark side."

"The Death Eaters?"

"I was about to get to that," he snapped. Taya stiffened slightly beside him.

"Sorry Sev."

"You are quite right," his voice softened a fraction then became hard and cold, "I joined the Death Eaters. They offered me the feeling of belonging when in truth they just utilised me to their advantages,

"I kept it quiet that I was half Muggle. There were those if not all who wouldn�t have hesitated to kill me on the spot. Somehow Voldemort always suspected. I have no idea why he didn�t end it then but...then I met Lorsekruker. He knew of cause, being in some kind of an alliance with my mother, Alana Snape before I was born,

"Voldemort soon betrayed my trust, I was nothing but his pawn, and he exploited me. Voldemort gave me to him as a gift to uas has he liked,

"Can you now see what you have got for a mate?" he raged. "I am nothing more than rubbish off the street! A squanderer... a pathetic excuse for a man. To weak for his own good. To pitiful..."

"Shh" Fingers brushed against his lips. "They tortured you, broke your soul and expected you to just carry on. You are not pathetic Severus you are traumatised. Only now you have really began to face it all. You have crossed the first path."

"What path?"

"To freedom, to sanctuary. You don�t believe it now, but in time."
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Corruption Of Innocence