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Freud and his Friends	By : Alexa Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 4875 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Freud and his Friends � 8 � The Talk

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Yep, another update in less than a
week (or a month for that matter). I'm shocked with myself. And happy. Hope it's good, too.

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Sometime in the afternoon, while going over the
drawings for another house I was commissioned to decorate � those were growing
in number every day now � I slowly came to a decision. I had a hunch that
thinking about what I did wrong in changing for Harry didn't lead directly to
me staying with him. It might lead to me being content, but not necessarily to
me being with Harry. I couldn't see how the two might be separate for me, but I
could easily imagine my shrink having a different view on this. As he said, he
wasn't here to keep us together, he was here to make me
as happy as can be.

It's not that I didn't trust my doctor's opinion � he
was a professional after all, � and I would do what he instructed me to do: I
did want to be happy, after all. But I had to keep my priorities straight. And
first things came first � Harry came first. I didn't do all I did just to lose
him.

So I resolved to talk to him, putting all other
thoughts on hold. This time I would not be getting mad, not be getting annoyed
� as much as I could manage, - and I would not be holding things back as much
as I usually did.

I called him to tell him I wouldn't pick him up from
training today, since I needed the time to prepare for The Talk. I went out to
buy some wine and upon further consideration I added a bottle of Firewhiskey to it. I tidied our flat, an act not as rare
for me as I'd wish, thinking that I really didn't enjoy that part of my new
existence � I couldn't see why we couldn't have a house-elf just because
Hermione had a moral vendetta on the subject. It's not like I'd treat it like
we used to treat them in my family before. I knew better than that now. I
ordered dinner to be delivered, not wanting the preparations to divert Harry's
attention from the conversation to be had; and possibly wanting to insure our
full stomachs as a precaution against becoming really agitated. Then I sat down
and waited, going over the things I wanted to get out of this talk.

Harry arrived at half past nine, a half hour late, as
usual when I wasn't picking him up. I reminded myself that it wasn't worth
getting angry � I knew it was going to happen anyway, I even ordered our meal
with that in mind. It was surprisingly easy not to get annoyed this time.

"Hi," he said looking cautious, as he did for
months now when talking to me.

"Hi. We need to talk."

Something akin relief showed on his face and I realized
that he was ready to break up with me without much of a fuss. Well, he wasn't
getting that satisfaction just yet. Not like I'd let him off that easily. I
really didn't know that things got that bad already. Well, I was still going to
make it work, even if he was ready to give up.

"Not that kind of talk."

"Oh. Good."

'Good' my ass, you quitter. No, breathe; keep your
mind on the snitch, Draco.

"Go get changed, the dinner is on the table. I
ordered in tonight. Our favorites."

He looked curious as he disappeared into the bedroom.

"So, what's the talk about?"

I didn't think any talk would go down well right now
after what I had just seen. I was in no condition to be reasonable now. I hoped
the food would help me get back into the mind-frame I needed for this.

"Nothing too bad. Don't
worry about it. Just something I need to address. Let's just eat for now."
Some of my civility was being forced in an effort to not snap at him. But it
was still going to be ok, hopefully.

The dinner did the trick � we both were in better
spirits. My mind finally gave up on chewing over how bad things had gotten and
I managed to push the panic that rose with these thoughts. Starting to beg openly
that he wouldn't leave me didn't seem the thing to do at the moment, anyway. I
conjured us some tea instead.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"About us. The sex specifically. I'm not satisfied by the way it is
now."

"That much has been obvious for a while now."

"I know. And part of it is my fault. I kept what I
want from you."

"Like what?" he seemed eager to know and fix
it. Hopeful and ready.

"Like some of my darker fantasies."

He just looked at me, waiting.

"I need things to be rougher than now."

"We did that. You said it didn't help."

"I mean a lot rougher than now."

He paused before asking, "How much rougher?"

"I don't know for sure. The stuff I want lately is
more than I needed before, even a couple of months before now; I don't know if
it's me changing, or if it's getting more extreme from not satisfying it for so
long, so that maybe it won't be as bad once we do something." Yes, I was
trying to reassure him, and myself, that maybe things really weren't as extreme
as they were. But hell, maybe I was lucky and they weren't. I pressed on:

"I think I should explain this morning. I had a
dream, where I was clearly dominated. Forced, magically.
And when I turned to you I wanted to recreate something like that. And instead
you were� gentle." I hurried in with "I know it wasn't something you
could know about at the time � I didn't tell you what I wanted � so it was
wrong of me to take my disappointment out on you after that. I'm sorry. But I'm
telling you now."

"Okay. So what should we do now?"

"We talk. I'll tell you as much as I dare about
what I want. Will you listen?"

"Of course."

"And, could you promise not to judge me for what
I'll say?" Yes, I was pleading. And I was scared, too.

"Sure."

"Alright. I� I need the
games to be much more real than now. When we play in overpowering each other I
don't want to play. I want to put up my best fight against yours, and if you
subdue me it has to be for real. And I won't stop fighting after that either.
You'd have to keep me with real force. Not holding anything back. Same goes the
other way. Can you do that?"

"You realize that I don't want to hurt you."

"Yes. And I don't want you to care if you hurt me.
That's the point really."

"Draco, I do care."

"I know. But it's what I want,
I'm asking you for it. Just when we� go at it. I
really appreciate that you care the rest of the time. And I need you to care
too. Just not then."

"I can try, but I don't think I can."

"That's another thing. I want you to enjoy it. I
don't want it to be just a favor that you force yourself to do. The whole point
of that game is that one is the subject for the other's pleasure, first and
foremost. I wouldn't be able to let go if I wasn't sure that you'll take care
of your own pleasure. I'd just feel guilty, or like there is something I should
do about it. I know myself, I feel like that sometimes even now."

"You shouldn't. You give me pleasure."

"Thanks. I just want you to put yourself, not me,
first when we have sex � that way I can relax and concentrate on enjoying
myself. If you're not selfish, I can't be selfish."

"Look, Draco, you're describing the kind of lover
I wouldn't like to be. I enjoy giving you pleasure � it's something I find
pleasure in, myself."

"And that's fine. Just as long
as you do that for your pleasure more than for mine."

"Don't you enjoy giving pleasure yourself? Are you
saying that it's like a chore for you?"

"Sometimes. I don't know.
I might enjoy it, I do enjoy it, but I'm so busy thinking that it something
that needs to be done to be fair and good to you that I don't have the
opportunity to see if I actually like it or no."

"Okay, check. Rougher, more
realistic games and being selfish. What else do you need?"

"I want more intimacy."

"Don't w�"

"We do. I don't mean like cuddling though. I mean
like� intruding on our personal space. I mean like� shit, this is too
difficult. Can we leave it for now? I'll try that one some other time."

"Draco, tell me. I promised I won't judge."

"I know, but I judge, myself. Let's leave it. I'll
talk to the shrink some more, and then I'll probably feel better about it.
Ok?"

"Fine, D, but I'll listen if you want to tell me
about it."

"I know. Thank you for that."

"Come on, you're welcome. Just know that I care,
ok?"

"Ok." I got up and got into his lap, feeling
vulnerable and fragile, opened up for anyone to reach out and hurt me. But for
the first time in a while I was also thinking of nothing negative while being
with him. "Can we just cuddle tonight?"

"Sure, baby. Want to go now?"

"Yes." We moved to the bedroom and he cuddled
for all he was worth. It felt so good, but as I thought of the look he had on
his face earlier in the evening something in me screamed that this bliss was
transient, and so, so, easily lost for me. I'd have to try harder.

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A/N: Was the talk believable? Is Draco's psyche
believable in general so far? Was Harry in character � I usually have trouble
writing him. Tell me what you think�
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Freud and his Friends