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Lost and Found	By : TheLibrarian Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 3257 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Disclaimer:
Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K.
Rowling. I�m just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A.
Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters
belong to me. You belong to yourself.

A/N: Sorry
for the delay. I blame it on the holidays and spontaneous road trips. Besides, the
following two chapters gave me quite a headache. For the longest time, they
just wouldn�t flow... But I think I finally worked out all the kinks.

Thank you
all for your patience and the great reviews. Mark Darcy, as always, you keep me
on track!

***

I ran a long, long way from home

To find a heart that's made of stone

I will try; I just need a little time

To get your face right out of my mind

To see the world through
different eyes Fading Like A Flower (Every Time
You Leave), Roxette

Chapter Eight
� Dungeons of Black Despair

Jane was
walking briskly across the Hogwarts grounds. As she made her way along the snow-covered
path, she reflected how happy she was to be back. To be home. She may
have grown up in Fenton Hall, but the visit to her ancestral home had made her
realize just how little her old way of life mattered to her now. She was a
different person now. She had a new life.

Fenton Hall,
as it had been, was no longer her home. Her visit had been a difficult one, and
the ancient house had not welcomed her. As soon as she�d stepped across the
threshold she had felt the demons of the past descend upon her with a
vengeance. It hadn�t been pleasant, walking through the empty house, exorcising
the memories from room after room. Jane sighed. It would take some time and money
to redecorate the house and make it hers in every sense of the word. The house
elves at Fenton Hall had been very accommodating and would have been more than
happy to do everything for her, but she wanted to oversee all the improvements
herself. It was the only way Jane could think of that would give her closure.

The wind
picked up. Jane turned her face into the frigid breeze, letting it clear the
cobwebs from her mind. Her time away had also put other issues into
perspective. Jane had spent a lot of time thinking about Severus and her
relationship with him. Christmas had been an eye opener for her in more than
one way. He had finally let down his guard � if only briefly � and allowed her
a glimpse of the man within. Underneath his untouchable forbidding demeanor,
Severus was desperate and lonely. Maybe that was why she felt so drawn to him.
Like her, he had hidden all his passions and desires behind a mask of
indifference. Like her, he had been alone for too long. Like her, he was
starved for human contact. They were kindred spirits.

A swooshing
sound interrupted her ponderings. Jane looked up to find herself in front of
the Whomping Willow. A small smile stole across her lips. Trust her
subconscious to look out for her. If she was honest with herself, she had
missed the bad-tempered man more than she cared to admit. There was a definite
skip to her step as she hurried on � only to find that the Shrieking Shack was
empty. Jane frowned as she went from room to room calling Severus� name. He
wasn�t there. Yet, everything was in its place, nothing was disturbed. None of
his papers were out of order, none of his clothes were gone. Only Severus was
missing. Something was terribly wrong. Unbidden images of Severus in pain flooded
her mind. Her throat constricted and a sob escaped her lips. The room around
her began to spin, and she stumbled to a nearby chair.

***

Jane barged
into McGonagall�s office, startling the Headmistress, who sat writing at her
desk. Minerva jumped slightly, but her surprised expression quickly changed to
one of utter annoyance.

�Miss
Sinclair,� McGonagall inquired primly. �What is the meaning��

Jane stopped
mid-step, blinking. She couldn�t remember how she got back to the castle. �He�s
gone,� she finally blurted out, unable to contain herself.

�Who, Miss
Sinclair?� The Headmistress still sounded prim.

�Severus,�
Jane exclaimed. �He�s gone!�

�Oh dear, oh
dear.� McGonagall suddenly became flustered and averted her gaze. She began to
fiddle with her quill. �I had hoped to
talk to you before you found out��

Jane�s eyes
widened in confusion. �Where is he? What happened?�

�Well, erm,�
McGonagall hedged. �Severus is in Azkaban.�

Feeling
dizzy, Jane groped for support and slumped against a bookshelf. All color had
drained from her face. �What? How? When? Why?�

�He, erm,
gave himself up shortly after you left.�

�What?!�

�Yes,�
McGonagall continued slowly. �The Wizengamot tried him immediately and
sentenced him to a life sentence in Azkaban.� She stopped, taking in Jane�s
expression. Worry crept into her eyes. �Miss Sinclair,� she asked sharply, �are
you alright?�

Jane stood
on shaky legs, still holding on to the shelves for support. �I�uh,� she
stammered. �Well, I don�t� I have to��

Unable to
continue, she fled the Headmistress� office. She didn�t know where she was
going, but she simply kept on running. She would apologize to McGonagall later.
Severus is in Azkaban. McGonagall�s words kept haunting her. He gave
himself up. Jane groaned. Why would he do that? Severus is in Azkaban.
He gave himself up. Gave himself up. He�s in Azkaban. Azkaban�

Jane bumped
into a solid figure and strong arms came around her, steadying her. She looked
up to find gentle eyes staring kindly down at her. Remus! She threw her arms
around his neck and buried her face against his shoulder.

�Jane!�
Remus sounded both worried and stunned. �What�s wrong? What happened?�

She
continued to sob into his robe, unable to voice a coherent string of words.

�Come,� he
finally took pity on her. �Let�s go to my office.�

She let him
lead her away. Jane trusted Remus. Over the months he had proved himself to be
a good friend. He was always ready to discuss with her anything from the
weather to the most complex philosophical quandaries. They could talk for hours
on end, and over time, he slowly opened up about his past and the stigma that
followed him wherever he went. Sometimes, when they had nothing to talk about,
they would just sit in comfortable silence, happy to know that there was
someone else in the world who understood.

She could
have loved this gentle man, hadn�t he been so hopelessly devoted to Tonks and
blind to any other woman. His eyes only truly lit up when they beheld the
pink-haired witch, and his pulse only quickened at her touch. Jane could never
have been so selfish as to destroy their happiness. She knew how precious it
was. Instead, she watched them hungrily whenever they were together, yearning
for someone to love her just as faithfully. Someone to make her feel wanted and
protected. Someone who told her that she mattered. Someone like Severus. Yes,
she could have loved Remus, hadn�t she been utterly and desperately in love
with Severus. But Severus was gone now, doomed to spend the rest of his life
living a nightmare.

In his
office, Remus pushed her gently onto a chair and lowered himself onto the edge
of his desk. He watched her for a moment as she valiantly struggled for
control.

�Severus is
in Azkaban,� Jane told him dully. Remus nodded knowingly. �Why? Why did he do
it? What happened?�

He stared
down at her, unsure how to console his friend. He had guessed that there was
more to her relationship with Severus than a simple student-teacher bond, but
he�d never pressed her for details.

�I don�t
know,� he finally offered gently and handed her his handkerchief.

She clutched
it to her nose and met his sympathetic gaze. Now, as always, he was kind and
patient with her, never pressuring her to reveal what was truly troubling her.
She sighed.

�I think I
love him,� she told Remus, knowing he would not betray her trust.

�I thought
it might be something like that.�

�It was all
I could think about while I was away. I was going to tell him today. Only� he
was gone.� Jane began to cry again.

�Jane,�
Remus began earnestly. �You must be strong now.�

�When did he
do it?�

�Four days
after Christmas.�

�He� he
didn�t say anything, gave no indication��

�Don�t blame
yourself��

Jane ignored
him. �He was so angry when I told him I would be leaving for Fenton Hall�� She
groaned.

�It�s not
your fault, Jane.�

She sniffled
delicately. �Remus,� she asked hesitantly, �do you think� um, that they will
let me see him?�

He
considered her question for a moment. �It will be difficult,� he finally said.
�For one, the Ministry will not like it one bit � him having killed Dumbledore
and you� well, you know��

��having
killed someone myself��

�Was that
the reason for your banishment?� Remus tried unsuccessfully to hide his
curiosity, taking Jane by surprise.

She looked
at him tearfully. �S-Severus didn�t tell you?�

Remus shook
his head. Jane licked her lips nervously. �Did you ever hear of Tristan
Beadle?�

His eyes
widened in shock. �That was you?!�

Jane sighed
and quickly relayed the most pertinent points of that particularly distasteful
time of her life.

�Severus
promised not to tell, unless � well, unless it was absolutely necessary,� she
finally finished.

Speechless,
Remus stared at her open-mouthed, working hard to digest everything he�d just
heard.

�Well,� Jane
continued, �anyway, what do I need to do to see Severus?�

Remus cocked
his head to one side, thinking it over. �I guess,� he said, �we could have a
member of the Order, possibly an Auror, escort you to Azkaban. This would give
it the guise of an official visit.�

Jane nodded.
�How soon can you make it happen?�

***

Azkaban was
even darker and more depressing than Jane could have imagined. Indeed, it was
the most forbidding and frightening place she had ever seen. As she was being
led down to the dungeons, she tried hard to block out the dripping wet stone
walls that lined the gloomy corridors. What she couldn�t ignore were the
heart-wrenching cries of desperate men and women locked away in dreary dark
cells. The thought of Severus having to spend the rest of his life under such
miserable conditions broke her heart.

The prison
guard escorting her stopped in front of a cell and banged noisily against the
door.

�Snape!� The
guard�s bark startled Jane. �Visitor.�

He turned to
her and thrust a finger in her face. �Ten minutes,� he warned her. �No more.�

With that,
he left Jane and took his position at the end of the corridor, barely out of
earshot. A fat rat scurried over Jane�s foot. Shuddering, she wrapped her cloak
tighter around her shoulders and peered into the dimly lit cell. She could
barely make out the dark silhouette of a man sitting on a cot in the corner.
Jane stepped closer until she reached the door.

�Severus,�
she called softly inside.

The shape
did not move. �Go away, Jane,� he told her hoarsely. �You don�t belong here.�

�When I
returned to Hogwarts,� Jane ignored him. �I had so much to tell you, but you
weren�t there. I was so worried�.�

Severus
turned his head towards her, but she still couldn�t make out his face. He
remained silent.

�Severus,
please talk to me,� Jane pleaded. �Why did you do it? Why did you give yourself
up?�

He finally
moved. Jane watched him get up slowly
from the cot and stiffly approach her. The thought of him hurt was almost too
much to bear. When the flickering torchlight from the corridor hit his face, an
involuntary gasp of horror escaped her lips. Severus looked nothing like the
man she knew. He was no longer immaculately dressed. The striped prison uniform
her wore was filthy and torn. His hair was matted and stringy, and his face�
Jane swallowed. Severus� face was haggard. Smudges of dirt enhanced his hollow
cheeks and made his aquiline nose more prominent. Worst of all, however, were
his lifeless eyes. Her expression softened and her heart went out to him. She
reached into the cell offering him her hand � a bridge to sanity.

Severus stared
down at her hand, then at her. His expression was blank, betraying nothing. When
he made no attempt to accept what Jane was offering, she quickly withdrew her
hand, too embarrassed to be hurt.

�Why did you
have to do it,� she asked him again.

�I had my
reasons,� he told her coldly. A
muscle in his cheek began to twitch impatiently.

�What
reasons could you have had,� Jane retorted sharply. �You were safe! The Order
was looking for ways to exonerate you. It was only a matter of time��

�I had my
reasons,� he reiterated tersely. �The Wizengamot readily accepted my
answer. Why can�t you?�

Taken aback,
Jane stared at him wide-eyed. She truly did not recognize the man standing
before her. Severus had always been cold and indifferent, but never like this.
�What are you saying, Severus?�

�I owe you
no explanation, Jane,� he told her quietly. �In fact, I owe you nothing.�

�Severus,
no,� she whispered, shocked. �We kissed� I thought��

�You thought
what,� Severus asked her sardonically. �That there would be a happily
ever after? Or that I am so scared of my feelings for you that,
rather than face them, I would prefer to spend the rest of my life here in
Azkaban?� His lips curled into a cruel sneer. �Don�t flatter yourself.�

His callous
words were like a slap in the face. Jane�s eyes began to burn with unshed
tears. His rejection hurt more than she thought possible, more than she wanted
him to see. Her chin came up. Severus Snape wasn�t the only one who could hide
behind a mask of indifference.

�Well,� she
said, squarely meeting his contemptuous gaze. �I hope you rot in here.�

�I assure
you, Miss Sinclair, the chances of that happening are most excellent.�

===

Lost and
Found � 2005 by MMHG

===
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