Cracker in the Castle | By : karlak Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female Views: 814 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Chapter Eight-
Eavesdropping
Becca and Sal were sitting
side by side with their backs pressed up against the sidewall of the roof.
Becca knew Sal was worried about his sexuality and wanted to discuss it.
She had seen him with another young man, but was quick not to judge.
She had her own drama and was not about to upset Sal about his friend.
She loved the boy dearly and would kill for him.
When she had found him, he was outside the club one night being sold to
some horrible excuse of a human being. His
eye was swollen shut on the left side and he could barely walk; he was only
fifteen at the time. Before she
knew what had happened, her magic got out of control and two men were lying dead
in the alley behind the club and “no-neck” was advancing towards him not
looking very happy. It was not the
first time a murder had been committed there, but it was the first time for a
teenage girl to be the killer. Becca
and Sal waited for “no-neck” to release his fury at them over the dead men,
but to their surprise he had merely laughed. “Well, hell, I guess you do got
balls like your old man.” Becca
said or did nothing. Eventually
“no-neck,” told them to leave and the incident was never mentioned again.
But Becca was smart enough to know that “the Boss” knew everything
and would use it when he needed. Becca
had gathered up Sal and took him to where her and Lynn were staying.
It was a dump, but at least there was no one in that house who would
sneak into your room at night and make you feel like absolute shit.
“Why did
you date Jason?” Sal asked
softly. He had always had his
suspicions about why Becca hated to be touched.
He had watched her over the last while trying to adapt to being in close
contact with people, especially men. He
loved Becca and Lynn; he felt like his life had been saved he day Becca killed
those assholes. He had never seen
her do magic since that night until she started playing at the school.
He wanted her to be happy. He
knew how much she worried over him and Lynn.
He wanted to tell her about Scott.
Becca sat
still and thought for a moment before she replied, “I been thinkin’ and
thinkin’ on that, Sal.” She
paused. “I’m pruddy sure it was
because I knew he wouldn’t hurt me.” She
stopped not really wanting to say anymore.
“Hurt,
like..what?” Sal let the words
hang.
Becca let
out a ragged breathe. “I’m
jus’ not very good with all that mess. I
don’t know what to do.” She was
shaking her head to herself’ she could feel herself getting agitated.
“What I mean, is.. Oh fuck!…Who am I kiddin!
I don’t know what the hell I mean.
All this shit sucks”
Sal
understood his friend far better than she realized. It had been difficult for him too. Trying to feel want and desire for another without the
overwhelming sense of fear that refused to recede too far from the surface.
After dating Scott for a few months, they had taken their relationship to
the next stage.
“Becca,
you know I got a friend. Right?” He
asked her seeking her eyes for any disdain.
She looked back into his eyes and nodded her response.
“Does it bother you that it is a guy?”
She suddenly smiled.
“Well,
hell Sal, there are enough of ‘em for all of us.
Take what you need.” She
finished with a sly grin, which the boy returned.
“I
don’t want any others.” He
paused before adding, “I like Scott a lot.”
“Then
you should be with Scott.” That
was her only response.
“Jason
called like seventeen times this morning.”
Sal paused, Jason had told him that he had fucked up with Becca and
wanted to talk to her to smooth it out.
“Fuck
him. I am so done with his ass!”
“Damn
Becca, what happened? I thought you
liked Jason?” Sal always spoke
softly. He returned his gaze to
her. Trying to show her that he was
trying to offer his best friend the most support that he knew how to.
Severus Snape had not
moved for the last five minutes. He
was somewhat shocked listening to the conversation. The girl kept hinting that she was not interested in that
dimwit of a boyfriend. He was about
to divulge his hiding spot when he heard her response to the last question.
“Sal, I
jus’. I mean. I dunno.
He wanted to well you know and I guess I didn’t want to.”
Severus could hear the strain in her voice.
“I mean, the more I think about I really think I was only dating him
because he didn’t scare me or wouldn’t push too hard about all that.”
She let her last statement hang in the iar for a few then added.
“I mean is that..umm..you remember Brandon and Luke.
Well they were all asking me out at the same time and I just thought that
Jason would be the coolest with all that you know.”
Severus noted that both were emphatically avoiding the word sex.
As he was debating her decision, he somehow felt that it was deeper than
the drama that had happened with Carlos. He
knew that the man had not raped her, but still something seemed out of place
with her. A few more seconds of
contemplating, he heard Sal ask her what he wanted to.
“Becca”
when the boy realized that he had her full attention, he proceeded with the
question wanting her help her. “What happened before your dad came back just
before he died and the whole Carlos drama?”
He felt her stiffen and saw her face turn to a look of pain and
self-hatred.
“Sal,
all of that is shit. Let’s jus’
ferget ta past and move forward.”
Snape strained to listen.
He mentally messaged the boy with the courage to continue to push her; he
could hear her accent getting thicker, her tension rising over the conversation. He also understood that some pain does not fade so easily.
Then he remembered the “other” box in her minds eye.
Severus thought on that idea for a moment.
“Becca,
I know you’re not into this, but I’ve been going to see a counselor.
I started about six or seven months ago.”
Becca stared open-mouthed at Sal. She
could not believe that the boy had found the courage to try to find peace with
all “that.” “I just don’t
want to feel like this all the time.” He
paused, “It’s like your body feels one thing but then you mind is in a whole
other place…..and not a very pleasant place.
You know that I know how shitty it feels….what happened before,
Becca?”
His words
were left in the air. Becca was
biting her lower lip. She debated
the merits of joking her way out of this, but she knew that Sal was trying to
help her and him for that fact. None
of that made the conversation any easier. She
could feel her hands shaking. A
very small portion of her mind, was saying, Tell him, he’s your best
friend. Be honest with yourself.
You do want a man, a man, not a boy.
Put the fear aside. Anything
you have endured was in the past. And
if Sal can find the courage, you can too.
She finally responded to his question
“Well, I
guess it started when I was younger. There
was someone around in my family, not much older than me.”
She stopped feeling a sickness invade her.
Her gaze reached Sal’s. He
motioned for her to continue. She
knew he was not going to drop it. Damn
counselor! She mused slightly bitterly.
“My
parent’s business was getting’.” Becca
was searching for the right word. “It
was jus’ getting’ too large and my dad was gone a lot.
Then my mom was gone a lot too and we were left with these family
members.” She stopped again
trying to decide what to say next, this was a conversation that she had never
had with another person. Speaking
of her most secret events, things that she hated.
It all caused too much pain and confusion.
“It’s
okay Becca. That was a long time
ago. What happened?” The boy prodded softly but sternly. He wanted his friend to have a normal life.
He didn’t want to see her afraid of men.
He knew that not all men were shitty.
Hw was watching her closely measuring her responses, briefly reminding
him of his first visit with the counselor.
Becca
shifted restlessly; she was trying to decide what to say next when the words
just feel out of her mouth. “We
were all alone with them and they were not people who should have taken care of
anything. I guess that the only way
that it is at all bearable for me is that I know he was not a whole lot older
than me. So, by default, the things
had to happen to him before he could know to do them to me.
I mean right?” She asked staring at Sal; she wanted a response.
“ I mean right? How could a kid know to do that another kid?”
She stated a little more loudly than she wished.
“Becca,
it’s not your fault. Like a bunch
of times?” Sal watched his friend
begin to crumple while she was fighting the feelings.
He knew she put an extensive effort forth to conceal her pain.
The first few tears began to fall; Becca wanted to draw up into herself
and forget it all, but she had to stay strong.
Crying was only going to give her a headache and help nothing.
He wanted to reach out to his friend.
Slowly he touched her hand and easily picked it up to hold it.
“Over
four or five years. Three of ‘em
were the worst years of my life.” Becca
was lost in memories that had sped to surface like a bolt of lighting.
In his
hiding spot, Snape now knew everything about the girl.
Now he understood why she hated the memory boxes so intensely.
He also knew that he wanted her badly; He wanted to take away her pain to
show her that pleasure was to be derived from sexual intimacy. He could hear tension in her voice and figured that tears
were now part of the equation. He
applauded the boy for being a true friend.
He noted once again the lack of specific terminology she used describing
the molestation. While he was lost
in his own thoughts, he heard the boy ask.
“Why
didn’t you tell anybody?”
“There
was no one to tell. It jus’
seemed like everybody else had their own problems.”
She stumbled over the next part. “I…just went empty at some
point..nothing felt like anything…jus’ close your eyes and let it go.”
Becca was not sure if she was talking to Sal or herself.
“I had to keep Lynn safe. She
was sooo much smaller than me. I
mean… It really wasn’t a choice was it?”
Then exasperated she stated, “I can’t believe we’re having this
discussion.” Becca and Sal sat in silence for several moments.
Severus thought that perhaps the boy had pushed too hard, but he wasn’t
sure from his position, he could not see either of them.
He was relying solely on his hearing.
Sal took
this as his cue to shift the conversation to the here and now.
He knew his friend was in pain and would probably not sleep for the next
few nights. He wanted to help her
make it better. But maybe it would
be better to let it drop for now. Looking
at Becca how saw how upset she was. Time
to move the conversation. He had
wanted Becca to know that he could handle her past and would be as helpful as
possible. “Becca what about now?
What about Jason?”
Becca was
caught ff guard still drowning in old memories. “What?”
“What
about Jason?”
“What
about Jason?” Came her curt
reply.
“Do you
like him Becca?”
“No, I
mean, I don’t want to.. you know with him” she felt the sickness coming and
going. She was holding any more
tears as tightly as possible. She
didn’t want to get anymore worked up. But
another part of her was trying to reason with her to get her to let the past go.
Her body had been slowly waking
She knew that over the last month or two, she was starting to feel what
she guessed was desire. But she didn’t know what to do about it.
She didn’t think she was ready for a physical relationship with a man,
but her body was telling her otherwise. She
also knew that Sal had endured abuse at the hands of several men even if it was
only a short time it all still hurt. But
he if had found the courage then why couldn’t she.
She was asking herself this question when Sal broke the silence. Becca looked down to realize that Sal was still holding her
shaking hand. She tried to give him
a weak smile. Sal decided to push a
small bit farther.
“What
are you going to do about him?”
“I’m
gonna drop him.” She gave a short
retort.
Sal wanted
to see his friend smile. “Well
who you gonna drop him for?” He
asked her with a tone of happiness and hopeful with underlying tones of light
teasing. He knew Becca would take
the bait and calm down some. He had
been around her long enough to know she tried to use humor to diffuse a
situation especially when her emotions were involved.
Becca
raised her eyes to meet his with a broad smile. “Well Salle, I hadn’t decided jus’ yet. My left or right hand.”
She mused shaking her hands free to hold them up.
She was joking with Sal, but deep down she refused to admit to anyone
that masturbation was her way of handling her fear of sex.
Becca was confused because the masturbation made her feel dirty somehow.
But those are things she would never tell another.
It was easier to joke about things to appear normal.
Then it occurred to her. She
was trying to achieve normal and wasn’t quite sure what that meant.
She had seen countless accounts of sexual acts on television and in books
and had some idea of what to do. It
was the actually doing that got complicated.
She was trying to decide if she did want to sleep with Jason when he
flipped out.
“So
who’s your guy anyway? Why is
this only about me?” Becca
prodded the boy back wanting to relax. She
was debating another smoke when Sal launched into a fifteen-minute description
of Scott and his relationship. He
finished by telling Becca he wanted her to meet Scott.
As the boy gave all the details of his new relationship, Snape took the
opportunity to quietly slip off back to the dungeons. As he walked, Becca encompassed his mind.
He wanted more from her; but did not want to spook her.
Her magic was intoxicating. She
would not notice, but each time she same to the dungeons to boost a potion, he
had been mesmerized by the deftness her fingers displayed sliding up and down
the guitar. Watching how the easily
the magic flowed from her fingertips. He
wanted to feel them against his skin. He
had realized some time ago that he was interested in the girl, but he had made
no move towards her. He couldn’t
decide if it was only lust or something more.
He knew for sure that she was driving him mad.
Now he understood much of her fear.
In one way he was pleased at her rationale involving the boyfriend
selection, it was the intelligent approach.
Pick one to scare the rest off for you.
She had been able to hide this way for some time now.
But now, she was free. Free for the taking.
Snape was grinning again. He
needed to formulate a plan to get her. He
thought he might also owl the tavern and request the same girl from the other
night; feast on the available flesh and long for the unavailable.
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