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Shadows Of The Past	By : soldiersgirl0709 Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Lucius/Hermione Views: 64110 -:- Recommendations : 4 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to HP or the HP Universe, all things recognizable are the property of JKR and WB. No money is made from the sharing of this fic, just smiles and friends. =)

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Chapter Eight: A Ripple in the Status Quo

Where a line is crossed.

Hermione sat on her sofa, her never ending laundry in front of her as she folded it and placed it in the basket sitting on the table. It was still strange for her to sit there and watch Lucius sitting on the rug trying to teach Elias to play Wizard�s Chess, but with every visit, with every week that passed she became more and more at ease with the scene. She was amazed at his patience given that Elias was more interested in having the pieces battle it out than actually learning to play the game. Lucius took it all in stride, steering Elias�s focus back onto the game when he drifted too far off.

It was a scene that had become all too familiar. Lucius visited for a little while almost every night. He would play with Elias and had begun participating in the bedtime routine on a regular basis. Sometimes he would even stay a little later and talk with her. She enjoyed that, it made her feel a lot less lonely. Sure, she had her friends but they only visited on occasion now that they were grown and had lives of their own. She could chat on the phone with Jessa but talking about men and sex didn�t ease her loneliness any, it only made it worse because she was painfully aware that she had no man, and she had no sex but she was finally accepting the fact that she was attracted to Lucius. She didn�t like it but it was there and there wasn�t a damn thing that could be done for it.

She withdrew her wand and moved the basket to her bedroom with a simple spell and moved on to sorting her mail. A pile of unopened letters sat beside a basket with several owl posts all waiting for her attention. She discarded the junk mail and looked over her bills, setting them aside to pay later. She found a letter from Luna, a message from Harry telling her he would be coming to spend the day with Elias on Saturday and her Gringott�s statement. She hated to open it and see the proof of a life lived paycheck to paycheck. She nearly fell off of the sofa when she saw the total of her balance. It was more than she made in two years time at the bookshop, there had to have been and error. She scanned down and saw the transaction log. There it was in black and white.

Transfer of funds from Lucius Malfoy in the amount of 100,000 galleons.

�Lucius!� She nearly growled his name as indignation rose within her. He looked up from the floor and saw what she was holding in her hand and groaned inwardly.

�Elias, why don�t you play without me for a bit, I�m going to go talk to your mother.� Lucius said as he pushed himself up off the floor and followed Hermione out the back door and onto the porch. The air was crisp but charged with the incoming storm. He could see her eyes flashing and her cheeks flushing in the soft evening light. She was rather beautiful when she was angry though he doubted she would be very receptive to that sentiment.

�How dare you!� She shook the statement in his face, clutching it tightly in her fist.

�What did I do that was so wrong?� He asked, taking the statement and looking over it. He could see nothing amiss.

�You put money into my vault at Gringott�s!� She shouted.

�So? You need money to take care of Elias and I have plenty.� He shrugged nonchalantly and it made her anger grow.

�I don�t need THAT much money to take care of him, Lucius! You put a small fortune into my vault, what were you thinking?� She was grinding her teeth, her jaw clenched tight in frustration.

�I was thinking that I wasn�t here for nearly five years to help you and I wanted to make up for it! Why are you so angry? Elias is entitled to that money, he may not have my name�yet�but he is still a Malfoy and deserves his share of the Malfoy money!� Lucius argued.

�We are NOT for sale! You can�t buy us, Lucius. You can�t pay your way out of the guilt you feel.� She snapped.

�I wasn�t trying to buy anything! I simply wanted to help out with the cost of caring for my son and you have to get self-righteous. You don�t have to do it all alone anymore! You don�t have to settle for this life, I can ease your burden and help you have a better life for you and for Elias.� Why was she making it so difficult? Why did she have to make it seem like he had some sort of nefarious plan when depositing the money.

When he looked into her eyes he could see the hurt reflected back at him. He didn�t mean it as an insult, he wanted to help her, to help his son.

�There is nothing wrong with how we live, Lucius. We have everything we need and that is enough.� She said.

�But what about the things you want? What about vacations and extras? What about peace of mind knowing that that you won�t be struggling to make ends meet? Does that count for nothing?� He walked to the edge of the porch and stared out into the night, watching the lightning as it cast the sky in varying hues of violet. He wished that just once, he could do something good for someone and have them believe that he had no other, darker purpose for doing it. �Why is it that every time I try to do something nice it backfires on me?�

�I don�t mean to sound ungrateful.� She sighed, realizing that she sounded like a harpy. She could admit that she reacted before she thought about it but there were times when she felt so out of control since Lucius had entered their lives that she couldn�t help but be defensive. She stepped closer and laid her hand on his shoulder, wincing when he turned around and she could see the disappointment and pain in his expression. �I am trying to raise Elias not to value money above all things. I want him to understand that ultimately all that matters is that you have what you need. More than that is fine but not necessary. I don�t want him to define himself by money, or by his name�when that changes.�

�That is unrealistic, Hermione. You can�t teach a child not to put value on money when everything in this world requires it. You can teach him not to value the material things in life, but not money. Money, by its very nature equals value. How he defines himself is something only he can determine. One thing that you can not help is how others will define him. He is a Malfoy and people will define him by the fact that he is rich and probably more so because he is a half-blood, the first ever in this family. Some things are just out of your control no matter how much you wish it were different.� He leaned back against the post and stared at her as she processed his words.

�But he isn�t wealthy, you are.� She definitely did not like it that his words rang true. She liked to believe that she would be able to protect Elias from everything potentially harmful in his life, that by teaching him the right things he would never be placed into a position where he could be hurt. But deep down she knew that wasn�t the case, Lucius was right and she hated it.

�But he is, Hermione. As my son he will inherit a very large portion of my estate, and I have already established a trust fund for him through my solicitor and changed my will. Don�t worry, neither will be made public knowledge, but it is done. Elias is a very wealthy young man already.� He said.

�You did all this without asking me first? Did you not think that I should know about this? I am his mother, damn it! Everything that concerns Elias concerns me!� She stamped her foot and then reddened with embarrassment when she realized what she had just done. Lucius had a way of making her act in ways that weren�t typical for her.

�I didn�t think you would be interested in all the financial and legal details! I wasn�t trying to sneak around behind your back or anything!� He said defensively.

�How could you believe that I wouldn�t want to know something like this? What if something happened to you tomorrow, how would I know that you had made provisions for Elias if you didn�t tell me?� She looked so�fiery with her hands propped on her hips glaring at him the way she was. How could he possibly be thinking something like that in such a moment?

�My solicitor would have contacted you and the truth is the women in my circles don�t care about such things, they don�t want to hear about them and they don�t want to try and wrap their pretty little heads around something that their husbands can handle just fine. It is why wealthy widows have estate managers, to manage the estate and ensure that all runs smoothly.� He shrugged; a frequent gesture of his that she found both endearing and annoying.

�Well I am not one of the women in your circle. I understand finance and I am pretty certain I can follow along with the legal stuff too, if not I am excellent at research and I will figure it out. I insist on being involved in financial decisions regarding Elias, Lucius, no ands ifs or buts about it.� She said insistently. She saw his lips tighten and his eyes narrow just before his hand shot out and his fingers clasped her chin, tilting her face up.

�Why are you so damned stubborn?� He said through clenched teeth as he searched her eyes for�.he didn�t know, something, some sign that she didn�t hate him, that maybe she thought of him too when he wasn�t there with Elias, that he would be accepted along with his gifts. All he saw was surprise, perhaps a modicum of fear just before he captured her lips with his in a slightly rough, claiming kiss. He hadn�t kissed her that night on the common room sofa, he hadn�t even touched her beyond what was necessary to reach the oblivion he sought. That night he doubted he would have noticed how soft her lips were, how pliant as his moved against them. Would he have detected how sweet her mouth tasted when he slipped his tongue inside? Or the way she whimpered into his kiss, her hands clenching and un-clenching in front of her as she tried to figure out what to do with them?

He pulled away slowly, reluctantly releasing the sweet decadence of her mouth and meeting her smoky gaze head on. They were both breathing heavily and when the lightening struck again he could see how her lips still glistened from his kiss. He stroked over them with his thumb, longing to taste them again but restraining himself. Small, delicate fingers wrapped around his wrist and pulled his hand away from her chin. She brought her fingertips to her lips as she took a single step backwards, the shock on her face confusing him. Was she shocked that he had kissed her like that or appalled? She didn�t yell at him, she simply stepped around him and went back into the house leaving him on the porch to wallow in his confusion.

~@~

The angry storm raging outside suited Lucius�s mood. It was multifaceted, just like his emotions at the moment. He was angry, aroused, bristling and restless all at the same time. It was a lot for a man like him to handle feeling all at once. Once, in another life, not all that long ago the only thing he had been able to feel was rage. Hatred oozed from his pores so thickly that it was tangible to everyone around him. Then he lost it all and went�numb. Emotion hurt, it burned. Especially when it was all jumbled, confused and so very unexpected.

He sat all alone in the back parlor, the one used by the family only, in his favored leather chair turned towards the windows. On the table beside him where his fingers drummed slowly sat a decanter of hundred year old scotch, a half empty glass and a small scattered stack of photographs taken over the last few weeks of Elias, of him and Elias, of Elias and Hermione. Photos of the strange little family he found himself enjoying more and more with every passing day.

He had kissed her and possibly broken those tenuous chains of trust and acceptance that had been forged between them. She never spoke another word to him. When he walked into the house she was standing in the kitchen, her hands braced on the countertop as she softly ordered Elias to get ready for bed. He hadn�t wanted to press her, not with Elias there. Had he forced his attentions on her again? He distinctly recalled her lips moving timidly beneath his, the tentative touch of her tongue to his so he wasn�t convinced that she was appalled so much as perhaps�stunned, as he had been.

He still didn�t know what made him do it. One moment he had been fighting back the old Lucius, the man who would defend himself with sharp words, words chosen to strike his opponent to the quick and would come effortlessly to his tongue with nary a thought. He had wanted to shake her and tell her she was an ungrateful witch who was damned lucky he even showed an interest in the by product of a moment he barely recalled the details of. But he and she would both know it for a lie because he was so damned grateful for every moment spent with Elias. Elias was healing the cracks in his heart and soul better than any healing potion ever could.

But when the lightening flashed and held for just a few moments, illuminating her face he had seen the fire in her eyes and the flush in her cheeks, the steady rise and fall of her chest, all of it begging him to come closer, making every cell in his body stand up and scream �TOUCH HER!� And he did. But should he have ignored that voice? Should have he left well enough alone?

�Why are you sitting here in the dark?� An odd strangled laugh escaped him at the sound of the familiar voice of his son. Draco had barely spoken to him in a month. Even the niceties had been ignored as his oldest child processed the blow he had been dealt. How strange that in a moment when he was feeling lowest, Draco would choose to speak to him again.

�Thinking.� Lucius reached for his glass and took a sip. �Drinking.� He heard Draco come up behind him and the oil lamp beside him lit up, causing him to squint against the glare. From the corner of his eye he watched Draco gather up the stack of photographs and rifle through them. He knew what he would see. A close up of Elias�s face, his mouth ringed with chocolate ice-cream grinning at the camera from a stone wall. Elias waving from a glossy black carousel pony. Hermione and Elias on a wooden swing in her back garden, one of himself holding onto Elias while he walked beside a Clydesdale pony and his favorite, one he hadn�t known had been taken, of him, leaning against the wooden headboard of Elias�s small, single bed, his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankle while Elias snuggled into him wearing a pair of plaid pajamas. A large book about strange creatures called Star Bellied Sneeches open in front of them. (He was convinced that the story was Hermione�s doings, meant to be a lesson of some sort.)

�So this is him? This is��

�Elias, his name is Elias and yes, that is your little brother.� Lucius said, turning his head slightly to watch Draco�s expression as he looked them over. �He looks like you.�

�I can see the resemblance.� Draco said, surprising himself with the grin that tugged his lips. He had spent weeks agonizing over what his father had done and then he thought about the night his father went to prison. He had been all alone in their big old drafty house and had found himself seeking out the company of others, ending up at a pub in London and waking up in the bed of a muggle woman whose name he hadn�t bothered learning before he darted out as soon as he found his clothes. Then he understood. He hadn�t slept with that woman because he was�aroused or because he had any great feeling for her, he just wanted to forget, to get lost in a moment when the problems in his life no longer existed and oblivion could be found in the body of another. �He has certainly wiggled into your heart, hasn�t he?� Draco said, setting the photos gently on the table and accioing a chair from across the room to join his father in watching the storm.

�It doesn�t take long to fall for his charm.� Lucius said, his grin that of a proud father. �It is�it makes me wonder at the things I missed out on with you by following the �society� standards of rearing children. He is so�precocious. Everything is interesting and everything is a question. There are nights I come home barely able to speak from answering all of his questions.�

�I don�t think my tutors would have allowed me to be so willful. My knuckles were rapped often enough for being sarcastic.� He said, fascinated by his father�s obvious affection for the little boy and his regret at having missed out on much of Draco�s youth.

�I am sorry for that, I would like to say that had I known I�d have put a stop to it but I was a different man then.� He said softly. �If it makes a difference, I would go back and change it if I could.�

�It does make a difference.� Draco was touched more than he could say. �I want you to know that I understand. I don�t approve, but I do understand.� He didn�t need to elaborate, his father knew what he spoke of.

�Thank you, Draco, that means so much to me. I hope this means you have decided to meet your brother at some point. He is very important to me.� Lucius said, refilling his glass and taking another drink before reclining back into his chair and watching the lightening show in the distance.

�Yes. I always wanted a sibling�not necessarily this way, but it is what it is. Mixed blessings.� He said. �At first I was jealous, but then I would watch you come home smiling and you have been so dedicated to spending quality time with him that I became impressed and grateful to see that you could be that sort of father under the right conditions. I am glad he is so important to you.� Draco glanced over to the top photo on the stack, of Hermione clutching Elias in her arms and smiling as they would swing towards the camera, her long chocolate curls trailing behind her as she laughed and smiled. �So�.Granger is looking kind of pretty these days.�

Draco watched his father�s eyes dart nervously and heard his soft grunt. �So it was like that was it?� He shouldn�t have been too surprised he supposed. His father was a relatively young wizard and he spent hours with the witch every week. And she had gotten rather pretty, the awkwardness of her youth had faded and she had softened with motherhood. There was something in her eyes, in her smile that he could see in the photographs that was different than before, she had lost that hard edge and her walls were less like solid brick and more like�thick hedges, not easily penetrable but penetrable none the less. He waited for that kick to the stomach feeling to come but it never did. He supposed that there were worse things, like some gold digging pure blood only after the Malfoy name and fortune who couldn�t give a nifler�s ass about his father. It seemed that he could join his father in the �changed man� club.

�Is she single?� Draco queried, testing his father�s responses. As he suspected Lucius tensed in the chair, his fingers biting into the glass in his hand.

�She is.� Lucius said tightly.

�Maybe I should pop round and ask her to dinner, you could watch Elias��

�Draco, I would seriously advise against it.� Lucius nearly growled, slamming his glass onto the table before it shattered in his hands.

�Does she feel the same?� Draco chuckled, sitting back and crossing his legs.

�What are you, my therapist?� Lucius frowned. �Sometimes I think she does, others she acts like she is terrified of me.� He sighed. �I am not cut out for this. Things are so different from when I was a young man. The things that seem normal to me shock her and of course I end up with Elias asking me a million questions the entire time.�

�Like what?� Draco was curious about his little brother and just how annoying he could be to their father, it would probably be fun to watch.

�Why can�t mummy put her own coat on? Why can�t mummy order her own food? Why can�t she open her own doors? It goes on and on and she gets so tetchy about me paying for things all the time. She works so hard and literally lives paycheck to paycheck yet she bit my head off for daring to put a little money in her account. I don�t understand women, Draco. How do you manage in these crazy times?� Lucius said wearily into his glass.

�I�m still looking for a woman who is right for me, as you know. Until then I enjoy spending time with all the wrong ones.� He laughed. �Somehow I don�t think that is quite your style is it?�

�Oh, when I was a young man and single I sowed my wild oats a plenty.� Lucius chuckled. �It grew tiresome after a while though, the women were all the same, just different names. Then I married your mother and we spent years trying for you. Then HE came into our life and � well, we know that ended.�

�It could be different now, you know? Hermione isn�t the �wild� sort of girl. She never was, never dated or went through a throng of boyfriends in school. Always had her nose stuck in a book, or was with her misfit friends.� Draco laughed.

�She has more books in her house than a library so I don�t think she does more than that now, of course she does work in a bookshop. She still spends most of her time with Potter but has this friend�Jessa�that she works with who is interesting. The woman looks like she would eat a man alive and pick her teeth with his bones. Sexy as sin but��

�She lacks that softness you want in your woman?� Draco queried.

�Something like that.� Lucius said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

�You already have a child together, who knows, perhaps Elias was a way of binding you together until you could be together�did you ever think about that?� He asked.

�You went and grew up on me.� Lucius smirked. �I feared you would never forgive me for Elias, I didn�t expect you take my interest in Hermione so well.�

�It took me some time to really think about it, to think about my own actions in the past before I realized what had happened, what you were trying to explain if I hadn�t been so hotheaded. As for Granger�she never was a bad bird. You shouldn�t live out your life lonely because I miss my mother and Elias shouldn�t be without his father.�

�I miss her too, you know. Your mother�no one will ever replace her but I have to let her go at some point.� Lucius said quietly. �You have impressed me with your maturity, Draco.�

�Finally!� He laughed, relaxing back into his chair as if he had just run a lifelong race. �So�now what?� Draco asked, smiling back at his father.

�Drink?� Lucius accio�d a second glass and filled it before passing it to Draco. �To difficult women.� He raised his glass and Draco touched the rim of his glass to it.

�May they keep you young.� With that the eldest Malfoys sat watching the storm and talking well into the night.

~@~

Hermione sat in the center of her bed, her knees drawn up beneath the quilt with her arms wrapped around them. She jumped with every loud, shaking boom of thunder then settled with the ensuing quiet of a house with a sleeping child. She was terribly lonely and somewhat afraid, she hated thunderstorms. She could call Harry but he already had a lot on his plate now that the news of he and Ginny�s little oops had pushed up their wedding date. Ron would be too complicated and George would look at it as a chance to scare the life out of her, not to mention the fact that he was married and Angelina might not appreciate him spending the night with another woman.

There was always Lucius�but THAT would be more than complicated. He kissed her. He didn�t just kiss her he KISSED her, full on lips and tongue�it had been like getting an oral injection of pure heat, so intense that she was still feeling it. She hadn�t expected it, not just the kiss but the power of it. She felt so awkward, so out of place and so utterly hypnotized by those smooth, soft lips moving over hers that she hadn�t been able to do anything but walk away in silence and try to find a way to still her pounding heart. No doubt he thought her insane, inexperienced and a complete moron when it came to kissing.

It wasn�t her fault. She had kissed exactly four people in her life if she counted him. Her first kiss with Krum had been awkward and his tongue was slimy and made her gag a little. She kissed a boy from Ravenclaw, Joseph, and that had been ok, a bit dry and his lips were tight and hard. Kisses with Ron had been nice, awkward in a good way but they never went very far because it was always in his mind that another man�s child grew inside her. Lucius hadn�t kissed her the night Elias was conceived, it never got more intimate than holding her thighs apart while he moved between them.

She wasn�t an emotional retard by any stretch, she understood sexual desire, she understood sexual release and was quite capable of achieving that state of bliss on her own. So she understood clearly what her reaction to him was and it terrified her. He was the one man with intimate knowledge of her body and the experience had been lackluster for the both of them despite having the most brilliant result. What would it be like to be with him under more normal circumstances? To have him kiss her again like he did on the porch and touch her? To actually have some cognizance of what was happening, to feel what was happening. Tingles raced through her body that had nothing to do with the chilled winds blowing outside. She lay back against the pillows, her hand idly stroking her stomach where her shirt had ridden up as her head danced with thoughts of a man who should have been forbidden.

AN:I don�t have time to answer reviews this morning but I wanted to make certain that you got your update! So I shall get to reviews next chapter�.so�.it begins hehe

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Shadows Of The Past