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The Long-Desired	By : Lomonaaeren Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 12097 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; that belongs to J. K. Rowling. I am making no money from this fic.

Chapter List
- 1-The Long-Desired
- 2-Part 2
- 3-Part 3
- 4-Part 4
- 5-Part 5
- 6-Part 6
- 7-Part 7
- 8-Part 8
- 9-Part 9
- 10-Part 10
- 11-Part 11
- 12-Part 12
- 13-Part 13
- 7
- 8
- 9
Thank you again for all the reviews!

�� Harry
opened his eyes slowly. He was lying in a hollow, he was certain, not much
bigger than his body. Softness covered the bottom of it, but it didn�t feel
like the softness of blankets. He blinked and fumbled about for his glasses,
only to realize that they were still on his face and so he should be able to
see his surroundings better than this.

�� A body lay
on top of him.

�� For long
moments, Harry�s muscles went stiff as he tried to overcome the frantic idea
that it was Hermione�s body and he had somehow murdered her and couldn�t
remember anything about it. Then he remembered other things, and groaned. The
body on him vibrated with the sound, but didn�t stir.

�� Staring
past its shoulder, around what looked like the edge of a boulder and up through
the small gaps in a temporary roof of leaves and heather, Harry could see the
red light of sunset.

�� Malfoy had
dragged him to a burrow, he decided slowly. Vampires were good at finding or
making temporary shelters in cases where they wouldn�t be able to get back to
their own preferred lairs before the sun rose. And of course going through
Harry�s wards to the house wouldn�t be an option for Malfoy if Harry wasn�t
awake.

�� Or he didn�t want to make it an option. Harry
still remembered the way Malfoy had blazed through his wards the night he had
almost sacrificed the hawk.

�� Malfoy had
dragged him here, and then lain down on top of him, though logic would dictate
that Harry should be on top of him in
case the sun crept through the tiny gaps in the roof. On the other hand, the
protective instincts that Malfoy claimed to have would probably say that he
should shelter his Long-Desired from rain and other threats.

�� He said he would burn for me.

�� A fit of
shivering overtook Harry, and he whimpered in spite of himself. He remembered
more now, and knew that he must have fallen asleep standing up, in the circle
of Malfoy�s arms. Malfoy hadn�t awakened him. He had made sure that Harry was
as comfortable as possible instead and then�died on top of him.

�� Harry
pushed at the cold weight, mindless for a moment, before rationality took over.
Malfoy wouldn�t wake until the sun set, and despite the redness of the light,
that time couldn�t be here yet. Otherwise, he would have stirred when Harry
pushed him. Harry had seen a half-awake vampire seize a net that Harry had
draped over her and drag it to her mouth, shredding it with her fangs before
she knew what it was.

�� For the
moment, he needed to stay here.

�� Harry tried
to relax, despite all the sudden prickling itches on his body that he couldn�t
reach and the pebbles biting into his shoulders and back. Perhaps it was for
the best that he couldn�t flee for now and put wards between himself and
Malfoy. He needed to think about what had happened, and he couldn�t do that
with too much distance.

�� Start with the obvious.

�� Ginny was
dead.

�� Of course
she was. He had seen her ashes scattered himself, felt them roll through his
fingers, thick and greasy. But now he couldn�t hear her voice anymore when he
called, ringing back from the corners of his brain in answer to his cries. His
memories of her seemed smaller and thinner than they ever had before. The image
of her as she had been in the moments before the vampire attacked, running
across the field, her hair streaming behind her, her face alive with laughter
and love, was still there, but no longer the most important thing in his
universe.

�� Harry felt,
for a moment, as though someone had ripped his heart out of his body and told
him that he would never have it again, because he hadn�t taken sufficiently
good care of it.

�� Then he
took a deep breath and asked himself the more difficult question. How long is it since you did anything for
the real Ginny, instead of your idea of her?

�� And the
answer was there, of course, if he looked for it, just as everything else
seemed to be. The last time he could have helped Ginny was the day he had
killed her murderer.

�� That one
vampire had drained her dry. Not all the vampires in the world. Every killing
he�d done after that had been for his own sake, in the hopes of easing his
guilt and grief.

�� Harry
shivered again. He drew his arms together under Malfoy�s bulk and checked the
angle of the light again. Dimmer than before�some clouds must have come out�but
lower.

�� That left
him adrift. If he couldn�t kill out of vengeance, then what could he kill for?
And what would he become and be if he didn�t hurt vampires? Maybe he was
Malfoy�s Long-Desired and Ron and Hermione�s best friend, but he couldn�t
define himself solely in terms of other people.

�� Malfoy promised to give me something to live
for. Maybe I should wait and trust him, see what he comes up with.

�� It wasn�t a
perfect solution to the problem, because Harry had the feeling that Malfoy
wouldn�t see anything wrong with Harry simply being his Long-Desired. But it did promise an answer, without forcing
him to decide right now. So he returned to other ideas.

�� There could
be no falling away from this. Malfoy had seen his weakness. Harry had to live
with the idea, not pretend it had never happened. Vampires were notoriously
difficult to use Memory Charms on, and Harry already knew that he couldn�t kill
Malfoy.

�� And you accept that?

�� Harry
licked his lips. The indignant question came from a part of himself that still
thought it worthwhile to fight to the death against the bond, even if he
couldn�t win. There was always suicide. There was always making sure that both
he and Malfoy died in the hopeless battle.

�� But his
breakdown last night had brought him face to face with a truth he�d forgotten:
he didn�t want to die.

�� He wasn�t
willing to die hunting vampires. He wasn�t willing to commit suicide so that he
could be free of Malfoy. It was only that he thought he should, if he had nothing to live for and would simply be a burden
on people.

�� If Malfoy
could help draw him away from that black whirlpool and back into some sort of
active life where he actually helped people and had friends and did something more
than obsess about vampires, Harry would follow him.

�� Then an
elbow knocked against his chest, and the dead weight on top of him turned
liquid, the marble dissolving into water. Malfoy was waking.

�� Harry
hesitated, thinking of the way that Malfoy had held him last night without
demanding anything, then reached out and made a gesture of his own.

*

�� It was
quite the most pleasant waking Draco had had since he had become a vampire.
Warmth surrounded him and nestled against him, and then someone drew his head
down and pressed his mouth against more of that warmth. Draco would have
resisted in sheer surprise, but the smell that filled his nostrils was too
wonderful. He licked his lips and felt his fangs fold down reflexively.

�� Here,�
said the owner of that warmth, whose hands stroked up and down Draco�s back in
the most soothing way. �I know what you did for me, and I don�t intend to
simply take and take without giving. Take from me.�

�� Draco only
needed the invitation; he knew he
only needed the invitation, though not why. He leaned forwards and sank his
teeth into the yielding skin, aiming by instinct so that he would only open a
vein to drink and not to drain his prey to death.

�� The blood
hitting his tongue was a shock that brought back memory and desire at once.
This was Harry who had invited him to
his throat, and was now stroking Draco�s hair back from his forehead with light
hands.

�� Harry.

�� Draco felt
an enormous, greedy possessiveness invade him. It was intolerable that someone
else might see Harry right now, or try to harm him or take him away. Draco
clamped his hands into place, one on Harry�s neck to hold him steady, one
around his shoulders so that he could hunch closer and shield his Long-Desired.
He snarled steadily, in warning to any other predators looking on, and then
paid attention to his drinking.

�� Light.
Light on water. Light on blood. Blood drowning him deep in pleasure, in rushing
warmth that made his heart glad to beat and his eyes glad of the faint darkness
that he opened them to encounter and his skin glad of the faint burns on his
back where sunlight must have touched him. All of this came from Harry. His
body had suffered to shield Harry from brightness that might have woken him too
soon. Draco had to take pleasure and joy from that.

�� He let his
self-consciousness melt and drip into the blood, and as he did so, he felt
Harry rock against him, his hands running up and down Draco�s sides now as if
he had some strange mania to count all his ribs.

�� This was a gentler
pleasure than they had shared before, and Draco knew that neither of them would
come to climax. It didn�t matter. There was enough contentment of its own kind
in the way their half-erections rubbed against each other, and the way Draco�s
skin grew warmer as Harry�s skin cooled, and the way that Harry stirred and
groaned and arched, as if Draco�s fangs were bringing him back to some idea of
what living meant.

�� And Harry
had invited him. Draco clung to that fact in the face of the tide of
difficulties that he saw coming down on them.

�� When he
finished, he licked the wound shut and leaned back on his heels to watch Harry.
Harry gave him a dazed smile, and Draco frowned, tracing the puncture wounds
with one finger. Harry shivered, but the shiver wasn�t as strong as it should
have been, and there was a grey tinge to his skin Draco knew he hadn�t put
there.

�� When was
the last time you had something to eat?� he demanded.

�� Er.� Harry
blinked at him, and then past Draco at the stars above the hollow they lay in.
�Yesterday morning, it would be,� he said quietly.

�� Draco
leaped out of the hole, utterly destroying the roof of branches and leaves that
had covered them, and then bent down and lifted Harry. Harry stiffened at once
and craned his neck around so that he could look Draco in the eyes.

�� I can
walk,� he said.

�� I don�t
think you can,� Draco said. �You need strength, especially since I took your
blood when you hadn�t had any food for a long time.� He nuzzled his head into
Harry�s neck again, scolding himself for not waiting. His Long-Desired had
already proven that he didn�t always know what was best for him. �Let me
through the wards around your house so that I can make sure that you get some
food.�

�� Harry
gritted his teeth for a moment, as though he didn�t understand what the problem
was. Then he sighed and said, �All right, but it�ll take a few moments to
destroy anti-vampire wards that ancient and strong.�

�� I don�t
care,� Draco responded, and the next moment he was running away across the moor
towards Harry�s house, letting his arms and their muscles cradle Harry against
the jounces that he would experience otherwise. Harry clung around his neck and
uttered a constant stream of grumbling complaints.

�� Draco let
him. They would neither do Harry harm nor put Draco off from what he planned to
do for Harry�s own good.

*

�� Harry
uneasily finished the last bites of his sandwich�piled high with cheese, ham,
and pickles he hadn�t known he had in the house�and then leaned back in his
chair. Malfoy had watched him eat every bite, his eyes avid.

�� It was even
worse because Harry knew that, this time, the vampire wasn�t simply fattening
him to feed on.

��

�� Harry
licked his lips, and Malfoy�s eyes followed the motion of his tongue, too.
Harry brought one hand down hard on the table, but didn�t have the satisfaction
of making Malfoy jump, because of course he had seen the motion coming long
before with those enhanced eyes. Harry scowled at him. �Do you have to pay that
much attention to me?�

�� To my
Long-Desired, who until recently was teetering dangerously on the edge of
self-destruction?� Malfoy splayed his fingers beneath his chin and leaned
forwards across the table. He was impossibly elegant, even though the blood
he�d drunk had given him more of a flush to his porcelain-pale cheeks. �Yes, I
think I do.�

�� Harry took
a deep breath and restrained the temptation to start an argument. He had to
remind himself that Malfoy had seen him in his weakest moment. Nothing could
ever obliterate that. Harry needed to treat Malfoy a bit better because,
otherwise, he had a weapon to use against Harry that Harry couldn�t counter.

�� And perhaps because he sheltered you and
some of that shite he was babbling about might be true after all.

�� Harry
crossed his arms, forcing the notion away from himself, and said, �I�m not used
to someone thinking I�m worth this much attention.�

�� Get used
to it,� Malfoy said, without an insulting snap to his tone. It simply sounded
as if he were making a statement about reality. �It will happen for the rest of
your life, which is likely to be extraordinarily long.�

�� Objections
sprang to Harry�s lips about not wanting to outlive his friends, but he put
them aside. They weren�t the main point of this conversation. �I simply don�t
understand,� he said carefully, �how you can be content like this. Vampires
need variety. I know that. One of them once told me that it isn�t a desire to
kill that makes your kind drain so many victims, but a boredom with the same
taste of blood over and over, and the fact that death is more varied than
watching people slump to the ground with papery skin and bleeding throats.�
Harry concealed a shudder. The battle to kill that particular vampire had been vicious, since he was also a
wizard and had somehow maintained the Animagus ability that allowed him to
change into a bear. It had been Harry�s hardest challenge until Caspar and the
Collector came along. �How can you be sure that you won�t be bored with me?�

�� Malfoy
reached out and stroked his forehead. Harry shivered, though his hand was only
cold in the center of the palm. �You�re mortal,� he said. �That means
inherently changeable. And I have reasons to study and admire the smallest
flickers of your personality. I will not grow bored.�

�� Harry
licked his lips again. �All right. But I still don�t see that we can live
together on any sort of rational basis.�

�� Malfoy
laughed. Harry jumped as though the vampire had shocked him. Well, that
laughter felt like a shock, so rich
and warm and deep that Harry would have been certain he was hearing a human
laugh if he didn�t know better. Malfoy leaned forwards when the laugh was done
and fastened his eyes on Harry�s face. �Harry,� he said, and his voice dripped
with the sound of a purr, �neither of us has ever been any good at rationality.
Don�t start expecting the impossible from us now.�

�� Harry
stared at the table. He wanted to raise more objections, but none were
immediately coming, except ones so far away�like the objection that he would
outlive his friends when he hadn�t even accepted immortality yet�that Malfoy
could wave them off. Yet it seemed impossible that this should be it.

�� So we
accept this and live together?� He looked at Malfoy, shaking his head. �There
must be something else that would prevent it.�

��

�I anticipate problems.� Malfoy
folded his hands in front of him, and Harry found himself fascinated by the
contrast between the slightly blood-warmed skin and the transparent, glassy
nails. Malfoy noticed him looking and flashed his fangs. Harry looked away and
forced himself to concentrate on Malfoy�s voice. �For example, your best friend
does not seem to know of my existence yet, and I can hardly imagine that he
will be happy about your next lover being a Malfoy. There will a problem with
the Aurors. You have not been to work in several days. Do you still have a job?
It will make a difference. And if you wish to keep up your hunting, then many
things must change. I have no intention of losing my Long-Desired because you
charge into a dangerous situation and rely on your luck to save you.�

�� That, at
least, was an accusation that Harry thought he could answer. He looked up with
a frown. �I planned.�

�� For
vampires in general.� Malfoy extended one long arm across the table and ran his
finger up and down Harry�s ribs. �Not for the individuals that you encountered.
With Caspar, you would have died if I had not been there. Likewise with the
Collector. But that was not a contingency you could plan on. I would feel more
comfortable concerning your ultimate survival if I knew that you had taken the
time to the study the situation beforehand.�

�� Harry
folded his arms. �I survived, didn�t I?�

�� But I
require more for you than that,� Malfoy said, �even if you do not for
yourself.�

�� Harry
blinked hard and stared down at the table, avoiding those elegant hands with
his eyes this time. Once again he�d run up against the idea that Malfoy cared
for him, in a way, and would do his best to keep Harry happy and safe even
though Harry hadn�t done anything for him.

�� I don�t
know if I can do this,� he said simply, because he knew that Malfoy would smell
his fear anyway. �It�s trying to change the habits of a few years in a few
days.�

�� Malfoy put
his fingers beneath Harry�s chin and tilted it up so that Harry was looking him
in the eye. �I understand that,� he whispered. �What you don�t understand is that I�m not asking for a few days. I�m
asking for years, and more years. You�ll have all the time you need to change.
What I need is a commitment, and answers to some questions. Do you plan to
continue hunting? Do you plan to keep your Auror job?� His fingers pressed in,
and Harry knew that he couldn�t have turned his head if he wanted to. �Will you
let me stay with you here in this house and hold you in my arms when I wish?�

�� Harry
swallowed, and watched Malfoy�s eyes dilate as Harry�s throat bobbed against
his fingers. Then he said, �I think each of those questions requires a separate
answer.�

�� Malfoy
nodded, never looking away from him. Harry shuddered faintly. The intensity in
those eyes wouldn�t let him hide even if he wanted to, and it was
disconcerting, since he had just begun to realize how much of the last few
years he�d spent hiding.

�� I don�t
know if I want to keep hunting or not,� Harry said. �That�s the question that
will take longest to answer. I�I know that I can�t keep doing it the way I was,
and that you would have to come along. But I�m not sure that if I have the same
impulse to do it, now that I know I was burying my grief for Ginny instead of
avenging her.� He hesitated. �Do you think you might get bored, if I don�t hunt
and so don�t give you something to do?�

*

�� Draco felt
the strong temptation to laugh. That question showed how very na�ve Harry still
was about the nature of the Long-Desired bond.

�� I could
never become bored with anything you chose to do,� he said, and ran his fingers
up and down Harry�s neck. Harry shivered and relaxed as if it had been that
croon. Draco reminded himself to remember that useful gesture for later. �You
will find something else to occupy the nights, I am certain. And so will I.�

�� Harry
nodded shortly. �As for whether I want to keep my Auror job, I don�t think so,
not right now. I�m not putting the attention into it that I need to. I won�t be
able to help people if I�m always thinking about myself.� He folded his arms
and hunched his shoulders as if he were cold. �I can barely even remember the
details of the cases I�ve handled in the last months, except the ones that
concerned vampires.�

�� Draco smiled.
�I think that is the right decision,� he said. �You have done enough in your
lifetime to help people. It�s time for you to relax and focus on what will make
you happy.�

�� Harry
raised an eyebrow and seemed to gain back some of his confidence as he said
sarcastically, �I know you won�t believe it, Malfoy, but for a large portion of
my life, helping other people was what
made me happy.�

�� And now
it�s not,� Draco said, refusing to let the larger point get drowned in Harry�s
tangents. �So. You�ll give up the Auror job, with perhaps the option to take
you back later.� He had noticed that much from Harry�s initial words, so it was
not a challenging conclusion to come to, but Harry still blinked and gave him a
wondering look. Draco preened a bit. It would be pleasant for him to keep
surprising his Long-Desired. Despite what Harry had said, Draco thought it far
more likely that Harry would become bored with him than the other way around.
�And the answer to the last question?�

�� I slept in
your arms last night,� Harry said in a low voice. �It wasn�t�terrible.�

�� Draco
smiled, and waited.

�� Yes,�
Harry said, rising to his feet and shaking his head as if still dazed at his
own daring. �You can stay.�

�� Draco stood
up and rounded the table. Harry watched him come with narrowed eyes and
clenched jaw, which fell open slightly when Draco touched him. Then he leaned
towards Draco�s shoulder and shut his eyes.

�� You do
deserve this,� Draco whispered. �Someone who is focused only on you, who finds
your blood and magic pleasant, who cares for you because of the person you are
instead of the heroic deeds you have performed. You may not think you merit it,
but you do.�

�� Can we not
talk about that right now, please?� Harry�s voice was tense and strained.

�� Of
course.� Draco sniffed slightly. Harry was in pain, probably from lying in the
same position most of the night and all of the past day. �You need a massage at
the moment, I think, and a warm bath.�

�� Harry gave
him another startled stare. Draco smiled gently back, and steered him in the
direction of the bathroom.

*

�� This isn�t love, Harry thought. I know it isn�t, and not just because the
books said so. But it�s bloody hard to tell the difference.

*

�� JtheChosen1:
Thanks! Poor Harry, but Malfoy is going to help him to some kind of peace.

�� polka dot: If
Harry is getting around to using Dark magic because of that obsession, Hermione
doesn�t think it�s a good idea.

�� Thrnbrooke:
Yes, although Harry sort of doubts it.

�� SP777:
Thanks. Harry and Draco are going to be working hard on how to live life for
the next few chapters, as well as deal with the inevitable problems.

�� Incandescence
means a brilliant light, or a glow of brilliant light.

�� jenny:
Thank you!

�� Snivelly:
Thanks! I try to avoid tears with male characters, but in this case they were
tears of anger and I think Harry needed to shed them.

�� Ron will
show up more often in the story now, but I thought Harry and Draco needed one
chapter where they worked out what they were feeling on their own.

��

�� Stargirl77:
Thank you! The story should be thirteen chapters. There may be delays in
updating for one reason or another, but I promise not to abandon this story.
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The Long-Desired