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Lost and Damned	By : danniperson Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 24087 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, the characters or the world or anything, and I make absolutely no profit from this.

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Lost and Damned

That Was Just a Dream

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Harry fell to the floor clumsily, narrowing avoiding the bright light that shot over him. The spell missed, but Harry wasn’t able to duck out of the way nearly as gracefully as Shackelbolt usually did. He cringed as his face slammed into the floor, skewing his glasses and sending a sharp pain through his nose. He shook his head and made a move to scramble up, but Shackelbolt was too fast, shouting another spell and Harry found himself frozen, unable to move at all. He might have sighed in frustration or muttered under his breath if he could have done anything. There was nothing more frustrating than not being able to move your body at all and all he really could do was slowly settle down and focus on how sore his entire body felt.

After a moment, Shackelbolt removed the spell and Harry frowned and rolled onto his back and sat up, fixing his glasses and glancing up at today’s instructor. Shackelbolt was smiling. “You’re getting better. Good to see you’re trying new techniques…Don’t worry, you’ll get it all down in no time,” the man assured him.

“I hope so,” Harry replied, reaching over to grab his fallen wand before standing up. Every muscle in his body was aching, but he ignored it and stood tall, ready to go again. He wasn’t ready to give up just yet…No matter how frustrating it was to not have it all down or how much it hurt, he was determined to learn this stuff, especially since Voldemort was back and Umbridge was the most useless Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Hogwarts had seen.

“Ah, I think our time‘s up for tonight,” Shackelbolt said, putting his wand away. “I have a lot to do for the Ministry and the Order to start tomorrow, but I might be able to stop by again in another few weeks. I think you‘ll start up again with Professor Snape tomorrow night,” the man said. “Though I‘m sure the headmaster will let you know for sure,” he added with a shrug. “Just keep working on it, Harry! I expect to see a lot of progress next time I‘m here!” he said, punching him lightly on the shoulder before heading for the door.

“Thanks!” Harry called after the man, walking back a few steps to press his back against the wall and slowly slide down. Harry liked training with Shackelbolt. He knew a lot and he was very into the physical aspect of things, as opposed to just focusing on the magic. He had taught Harry various techniques for dodging attacks and they worked on strength training, various exercises and such things Muggles used that Shackelbolt had found useful as an Auror. He knew more than most of Harry’s “tutors”, except for maybe Snape. Snape, to Harry’s surprise, knew a lot about a lot of things. Harry could definitely understand why Dumbledore preferred Harry to do most of his training with Snape and Harry was eager to get back to his usual lessons with the Potions Master. This week had been good…A fun, nice change with different people. He had been able to catch up with Lupin the first few days and they practiced a lot of different Defensive spells and useful charms in the Room of Requirement and Harry was starting to really enjoy his time with Shackelbolt and the man’s different approach to magic. As fun as it had been, though, he missed his time with Snape…Mainly because Snape knew a lot more and could teach him a lot more, or so Harry told himself. It was the only thing that made sense to him.

What he refused to acknowledge was the fact that something just didn‘t feel right about being away from the man so much. Snape hardly paid him any attention in class, not even to humiliate him and punish him. He had, instead, taken to terrorizing Neville and Ron more often. Harry didn‘t enjoy being tormented by the man, but the man was all but pretending he didn‘t even exist in the classroom and Harry had yet to decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing. All this week, though, with hardly any contact with the man, it felt like a very bad thing indeed. He had almost been tempted to knock over his cauldron or spill something over Malfoy‘s head or something big that would get the man‘s attention and earn himself a good old detention. He doubted being a pest was going to help the man‘s opinion of him, though, and he knew that training was more important than anything else. If he got detention he would be taking time away from his lessons and despite all of the hard work, Harry was actually enjoying them.

Resting was nice, too, Harry thought, just sitting against the wall for several moments, waiting for his heart rate to slow back to normal and his mind settled down from that exciting buzz. His nose was still throbbing a bit, but it wasn‘t bleeding or anything. He had a few bruises in various places on his body from being knocked down or falling down on his own accord so many times, but that seemed to be the worst of it. He pulled a small vial of light blue liquid from his bag and took a careful, small sip of it -- a painkilling potion Snape had started brewing for him after his first few weeks of lessons. He wasn‘t too badly injured, but he figured it didn‘t hurt to take a small bit to get rid of these aches and pains; he didn‘t want to have to explain various grunts or hisses of pain or why he was limping or any of that to his House mates.

After a few more minutes of his little break, he finally stood up and slid the vial back into his bag and shouldered it, sliding his wand into his robe before finally heading out and checking his watch. It was a little past curfew…He hadn’t known it was so late and he was sure to walk as quickly and quietly as he could, keeping a sharp eye out for any movement, hoping to avoid everyone he could and mentally berating himself for not thinking to bring his Invisibility Cloak along with him, just in case something like this happened.

“How is it that I am not surprised to find you out and about breaking rules? You can hardly keep control of yourself involving any other situation, why not break curfew, as well?”

Harry turned in surprise to see Snape right behind him, a lot closer than he expected to find him. The man‘s close proximity sent a shiver down his spine and he licked his lips, glancing up at his professor, though he didn‘t feel as annoyed as usual by Snape‘s harsh words or tone. “Practice ran a bit late. Sir,” he explained.

Snape raised his eyebrow. “They are not real classes, Potter. If you had been keeping track of time like any responsible person you would have known when it was time to get back to your rooms,” he replied coldly, though no trace of his tone‘s hostility was present in his face. Harry was confused for a moment until he saw movement from behind Snape. “That‘ll be detention tomorrow night, Potter. Yet again, you seem incapable of keeping yourself out of trouble for longer than a few days. I--”

“Practice? It’s a bit late for Quidditch…Where’s the rest of your team, dear?” came the sickeningly sweet voice in the tiny, pink-clad form of Dolores Umbridge, stepping up beside Snape.

“Ummm…I was doing a bit of practice on my own…Since I’ve had so many detentions lately,” Harry lied quickly, resisting the urge to glance at Snape again and instead keeping his eyes focused on the vile woman in front of him.

“I have handled the matter, Dolores,” Snape informed her coolly.

Umbridge froze, her smile becoming tight and her eyes flashing harshly in annoyance. “Of course, Severus,” she replied and glanced Harry over a moment before spinning around and stalking off. Harry watched her go while Snape stood in front of him and went over the details of the detention, where to be and what time to show up…The usual routine and the usual time and place of their lessons, Harry already knew.

“Thank Merlin,” Harry mumbled quietly once Umbridge was out of earshot. He tried not to chuckle at the annoyance that spread over Snape’s face.

“Watch it, Potter. I am not opposed to giving you a real detention on top of everything else, if you keep up,” Snape said before turning and walking off. And somehow, Harry wasn‘t scared or annoyed by the suggestion or anything. He just smiled to himself and continued walking to Gryffindor Tower.

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“You are not trying hard enough, Potter!”

“Yes, I have!”

Snape snorted and continued his slow circle around Harry. The man was so close to him and had been the whole time they had been practicing. Harry wasn‘t great at Occlumency, but it was particularly difficult to clear his mind when Snape was circling him like that, their bodies brushing now and then, all too aware of those dark eyes boring into him. “How is it, Potter, that you can claim to be putting effort into this when you have, somehow, become worse? You are making this far too easy. Ho--”

“It‘s kind of hard to focus when you keep doing that!”

“And what is it that I am doing that is making you an even more inept Occlumens than usual?”

“You‘re too close…It‘s distracting!”

Snape chuckled darkly. “And you think the Dark Lord is going to respect your personal space, Potter?” he hissed, stepping up behind Harry and Harry froze, feeling the warmth of the man’s body so close to him. He felt those thick robes press against him and hot breath on his neck and he forgot how to breathe. “Legilimens!” Snape whispered into his ear and the man was in his head again…Every memory that flashed to the forefront of his mind were his fantasies, all about the man right behind him. Everything from giving Snape a blowjob in Dumbledore’s office while the headmaster stepped out to being shoved against the wall during these lessons to being bent over Snape’s desk during detention…Harry gasped when Snape pulled out of his mind, stumbling back against the man. Snape caught him, his hands holding Harry’s sides, and neither man made a move to step away.

“You have to do better than that,” Snape murmured, stepping closer, and Harry became very aware of the uncomfortable tightness in his pants and feeling something hard pressing against his lower back. Harry‘s eyes grew wide when he realized that Snape was just as turned on by the images as he was.

“I--”

“I know it‘s hard, Potter,” Snape whispered, sliding his hands down and Harry swallowed hard, feeling heat rise to his face as he wondered if Snape was still talking about Occlumency. He was all too aware of the man‘s strong hands resting on his hips, mentally uring the man to move them closer to the bulge in the front of his pants.

“Sh…Shouldn‘t you be…helping me…then?” he managed to ask, his voice quiet and raspy, his bright green eyes lowered and only watching those pale, potion-stained hands resting on his body.

“I‘ve been helping you,” the man insisted, his voice quiet and filled with half annoyance and something deeper and lower that Harry couldn’t quite identify. The sound of the man‘s voice made his cock throb eagerly and a shiver rolled down his spine. He felt the man‘s thin lips ghost across the skin of his neck. Harry licked his lips and tried to remain as still as possible, too afraid that any movement would make the man stop. Those beautiful hands slid over to the front, resting just above his arousal, so close and yet not close enough. Instead of moving lower, the hands moved upwards, pushing underneath his shirt, cold fingers trailing softly over his stomach. The muscles in his stomach twitched and he shivered again, though he knew better than to think it had anything to do with the iciness of the man‘s touch. Those hands pressed against him, pulling him back closer against the taller man‘s body. “I will continue to help you only if you truly want it, Potter. I would loathe to waste my time and efforts where they are not appreciated,” he murmured against Harry‘s skin. Merlin, the man was driving him crazy! Everything he was doing felt so good, but Harry knew it could be better and he desperately wanted more.

“I do appreciate it,” he managed to say, though his voice cracked and he struggled not to embarrassingly moan as he wanted to, even if the man hadn‘t really done much yet. “I really want you…Your help, I mean,” he whispered.

“Hmmm,” was all Snape said before pressing his lips against the side of Harry’s neck, trailing his lips and tongue all along his skin slowly while his hands explored Harry’s stomach and chest beneath his shirt. Every touch left his whole body feeling on fire…A very wonderful, beautiful fire, despite the coldness of the other man’s skin. It was impossible to remain still under these conditions and Harry squirmed eagerly beneath the man’s touch, pressing back against him as much as possible, pressing back against Snape’s hardness, causing the man to groan. Harry was afraid to do too much, enjoying what Snape was doing to him too much to risk doing anything that would make him stop. He wanted to beg the man to touch him, but forming the words was almost impossible and all he could do was moan and whimper as Snape slowly moved to put his attentions on the other side of his neck as those hands continued their slow trail over his skin.

“Mmm,” Harry hummed as Snape‘s lips moved along his jaw and Harry slowly turned his head, allowing the man to kiss along his cheek and press against the corner of his mouth before finally the man pressed his lips deeply against Harry‘s. Harry kissed the man back eagerly, finding the position a bit awkward, but he didn‘t care. He wanted more, but Snape retained control over the entire situation, keeping the movement of their lips slow and deliberate until Harry felt like he was drowning in the kiss. He almost didn‘t notice the downward movement of those hands until he felt them pressing under the waistband of his pants, fingers inching closer to his hot, needy flesh.

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“OW! Ugh! Sorry…Sorry…”

Harry woke up with a startled gasp at the sound of yelling and banging. His heart was racing as he sat up in bed, watching shadows move along the curtains around his bed and he heard one of his dorm mates creeping across the room, probably heading to the bathroom or something. He heard sleepy mutterings and loud snores and he laid back, breathing heavily until he managed to calm down and once his head was clear, he felt frustrated. It was just about to get good! He glared down at his aching hardness and sighed heavily.

Good part, Harry thought, shaking his head. There wasn’t any good part about sex dreams with Snape.

Harry eyed the tent in the blankets for a moment and swallowed hard, listening to the room. Everyone seemed to be asleep…Was he really thinking about doing this? Harry shook his head and laid back down. He really should try to get more sleep, but the urge to wank off was strong. Sighing heavily, Harry slowly pushed down his pajama pants and his boxers and hastily wrapped his hand around his member. Harry swallowed hard, feeling so weird and embarrassed about the idea of wanking off to that dream about Snape. He tried thinking of different girls…Cho was always good. He used to like her and he figured he was still attracted to her. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on her, but that stupid image of Snape kept popping up. He slowly began moving his hand up and down, tightening his grip and trying to force the image of Cho and himself in detention together in McGonagall’s office to stay put. She’d kiss him and he’d kiss her and she’d start to take off his shirt, but somehow that stupid dream about Snape kept coming back. This was annoying…Someone shouldn’t have to put this much focus into masturbation! Having to admit he was kind of attracted to guys was bad, but having to admit to himself that he was attracted to the greasy bastard was going too far. It was frustrating that he couldn’t stop thinking about that git long enough to get off! Sighing heavily in frustration, Harry was tempted to just pull his pants back on, but he doubted that was going to solve his problem. Maybe if he thought about Dumbledore naked his problem would go away. He tried that tactic, trying hard and failing miserably to conjure up the image of Dumbledore’s pale, wrinkly, naked body. Even if he could get the man’s face and beard down, the rest of the image was too hard to picture and that stupid, stupid scene with Snape kept coming back up.

“Bloody hell,” Harry muttered to himself and shook his head, picking back up the pace of his hand, just allowing his dirty, filthy mind to wander back to Snape. Where had he been in the dream? Oh yeah…Snape‘s hand reaching down, teasingly trailing his fingers along the side of his shaft, the man‘s thumb rubbing over the head of his cock, smearing pre-cum around it. Harry‘s hips jerked and he moaned quietly, losing himself in that all too perfect fantasy. He was pressed back firmly against Snape, kissing the man deeply while his hand worked just as slowly and firmly as his lips. His arms reached behind him…The position was strange, but it was hard to pay much attention with Snape‘s hands working him expertly. Those cool fingers trailed back down him before firmly grasping him and Harry groaned deeply into Snape‘s mouth, grasping any part of the man‘s body or clothes he could, pouring all of his desire and pleasure into the kiss. No matter what passion he put into their mouths, Snape always seemed to have him beat, that kiss alone making Harry feel completely dominated by the man in a completely wonderful way. Snape‘s hand gripped him firmly, slowly moving up and down his shaft, steadily picking up pace.

He was vaguely aware of someone else entering the dorms, probably Neville or Seamus or someone returning from the bathroom. Harry bit his lip hard, trying not to make many sounds, but the nervous squeak and quiet mumbling (Yeah, it was Neville) let Harry know that he was discovered, but he didn’t have it in him to care at the moment. Another bed squeaked and curtains were hastily pulled around it while Harry went back to fantasizing about Snape’s hands jerking him faster and faster while his own hand worked himself quickly, his hips bucking up into his hand, desperate for release.

“You’re almost there, Potter,” Snape murmured against his mouth and Harry could almost hear and taste the man, as if he was really here. Harry groaned in response. “Cum for me…Come on,” the man urged, kissing him again. Harry bit his lip harder, not wanting to alert any more attention to his situation than need be, grunting and groaning quietly as he came, long spurts of semen wetting his hand and an exposed part of his stomach and he could even feel its warmth on his shirt. Harry let go of his softening cock, breathing heavily for a moment as his heart raced and that beautifully blissful post-orgasmic feeling settled over him.

Merlin, he’d just wanked off over Snape! There was something seriously wrong with him. Something very, seriously, horribly wrong with him. He had to be a very sick individual, he decided, and sighed as he grabbed his wand and cast a quick cleaning charm over himself before pulling up his pants and rolling over, trying to ignore that strange relief that flooded through his body, overriding that shame and sickness over what he had just done.

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There was something to be said about a guy (or anyone, really) who would masturbate thinking about Snape. Something very awful. That person would have to be a sick fuck, right? Harry could only imagine what could be said about someone wanting more. Harry told himself all morning that it was stupid and he only did it because he kept having those dreams about the man, but he wasn’t really attracted to him. He would have more dreams about different blokes, but even having Lupin and Shackelbolt train him the past week, Snape was still the one entering his mind during those sorts of dreams. Now Harry had given up trying to deny it altogether and spent a great deal of Potions class the following day watching the man. He tried to be inconspicuous about it, a few glances here and there…He studied those beautiful hands that had brought him so much pleasure in last night’s dream and the way the man walked and tried hard to will down his growing erection when the man addressed the class in his low, sexy tone.

Someone had to have poisoned him or something, he swore.

Hermione and Ron had to snap him out of it several times and midway through class he had given up on trying to make a good…whatever it was they were making. He didn’t even bloody know what they were making! He just continued chopping things and tossing them into his cauldron now and then to avoid much suspicion. He could hardly stop himself from paying too much attention to the Potions Master and found he didn’t even care enough to try denying it at the moment.

“Harry!” Hermione hissed. “You‘re not supposed to add the--! Wha--…Ahhh…Oh…” Hermione mumbled and Harry blinked and glanced at her, trying to figure out what was going on. He only caught a glimpse of the surprise on her face before she ducked her head back down to work on her own potion and Harry‘s stomach twisted, wondering if Hermione had noticed what he had been doing or not.

“POTTER!”

Harry jumped at the sound of Snape‘s voice booming throughout the room and stiffened when he felt the man‘s hand wrap tightly around his wrist. “Please refrain from blowing up my classroom, Potter. This class has seen enough damage due to Longbottom‘s incompetence,” he snarled, dragging his arm over to where the other ingredients were and Harry slowly loosened his hand so that whatever it was dropped back onto the table. “Don‘t even bother finishing, Potter,” the man snapped before stalking off. Harry just sat there, blushing furiously, his eyes narrowing at the man‘s back as he walked back to his desk. There was snickering, mostly from the other side of the room where the Slytherins sat.

“Awww, he’s probably sad because the Mudblood dumped him!” a female voice whispered loudly enough for most people to hear.

“She probably dumped him because he’s so stupid. Can’t even--”

“Shut up, Parkinson! Greengrass!” Ron snapped.

“Weasley! Focus on your potion before it becomes as useless as Potter’s and Longbottom’s,” Snape snarled at him.

Ron muttered under his breath and Harry just shook his head and glared at Snape again, though the professor paid him not attention. The man was a complete and total arse. He was horrible, Harry reminded himself and turned to glare at his stupid Potions book for the rest of the class time, refusing to even glance at Snape for the remainder of time they had. When everyone else went to go place their potions on Snape‘s desk, Harry got up and immediately left the room as quickly as he could, feeling a bit more angry than perhaps necessary. He had always known Snape was a git…Snape wasn‘t any worse than his usual self and he had stopped Harry from blowing up his cauldron. It was the first time in a while, though, that Snape had called him out in class and then listening to Ron mutter under his breath about what a greasy bastard Snape was…How on Earth could Harry be having those kinds of dreams about a man like that? Harry stormed down the corridors aimlessly before remembering he had Transfiguration and sighed heavily before turning and practically running to class to avoid being late. He was not going to have those dreams about Snape anymore, he told himself determinedly. It was disgusting, he reminded himself. Snape was disgusting and he had to be mental to be attracted to that arse.

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“You are not trying hard enough, Potter!” Snape scolded.

Harry swallowed hard, trying not to let himself be reminded of that familiar line from his dream. “Ugh…I--”

“I do not care to hear your excuses,” Snape said, shaking his head. The man wasn‘t being nearly so harsh as he could be, but it still got on Harry‘s nerves that he was scolding him like this and acting like this. “You need to focus, Potter. The Dark Lord is not going to sit around and wait until you are good and ready before he tries to invade your mind! It does not matter how stressed you are or how tired you are or how angry you are. Learn to control yourself.”

Harry felt heat rise to his face at the mention of it. He had been trying to control himself, though maybe not necessarily in the way Snape meant. Harry shook his head and gritted his teeth. “I’m sorry for not being perfect right off the bat,” he snapped.

“We have been going at this for weeks,” Snape said impatiently. “What microscopic progress you have managed to make is gone now. Control your emotions! Guard your mind. Keep me out. Legilimens!”

The images that flashed through his mind were humiliating. More of his fantasies again, including the latest one. Himself masturbating over the mental picture. Watching Snape in class today. Harry panicked the moment he saw the Potions classroom and pushed as hard as he could to force the image away. He stumbled back, but stayed standing, breathing heavily as he caught a glimpse of Snape‘s slightly flushed face, the shock and the shame and a few other things Harry couldn‘t quite place. Aside from his fears and embarrassment, Harry was pleased he managed to get Snape out, but Snape only said, “You let me get in too far. Legilimens!”

“Protego!” Harry shouted angrily in response, raising his wand.

New imagines flashed through his mind, but these memories were not his own. Snape was yelling at Lucius Malfoy about what a disgusting pervert he was, molesting his own son. The scene switched to another between Snape and Malfoy Sr., Malfoy telling Snape to use Harry‘s desires to his advantages and Snape‘s insulted refusal. It flashed again to something else, Harry and Snape naked on the gray couch, touching and moaning. Harry never got the time to see exactly what was going on before he felt himself slam into something hard before crumpling onto the floor. He had hit the wall. Harry scrambled up, his head spinning in too many directions to think straight. He rubbed his head and glanced up to see Snape‘s face red and fuming. “OUT, POTTER!” Snape ordered.

“Wh--…Wait! I--!”

“GET. OUT. POTTER! LEAVE BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT MYSELF!” the man screamed.

The man‘s tone and posture frightened Harry who immediately stood up and scrambled out of the man‘s private quarters and into Snape‘s office. He shook his head and turned around, watching the door disappear into the wall. Harry blinked furiously and leaned back against the wall, waiting for his pulse to calm down before doing anything. Snape had looked scarier than Harry had ever seen him. Harry shook his head and mentally berating himself for running out like a little girl or something. Snape couldn‘t really do anything too bad to him…He was a teacher and he was supposed to be helping him and protecting him. Even more strange was what he had seen…He and Snape naked…In Snape’s thoughts. And what was all of that about Draco and Lucius Malfoy? Harry shook his head and slowly pushed himself off of the wall and left the office, his mind racing and spinning in too many circles for anything to make sense at all.

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Author‘s Note:: Thank you so much everyone who reviewed! I really, really appreciate it a lot! Keep ‘em coming! I love hearing back from my readers! Also, the lyrics from this chapter are from “Losing My Religion“ by REM.
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Lost and Damned