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The Unexpected Side Effect of Draught No. 9	By : lovetoseverus Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Snape Views: 25605 -:- Recommendations : 5 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Chapter 8: Aftermath & Conciliations

Harry sat at the Head Table in the Great Hall, absentmindedly pushing food around his plate with a fork. Severus, seated to his right, glanced over every few moments, trying to assess Harry’s state of mind, becoming increasingly concerned that he might actually be suffering from his first experience with Evochi.

The room around them was empty, save for a few members of the staff wandering in or out, so when Severus spoke, his voice seemed louder than normal as it cut through the silence.

“You’ve barely touched your food. Are you well?” he asked, watching Harry jump slightly at the sound.

“Yeah… I think so,” he answered, then sighed, lowering his gaze to his hands. “Does it always feel like this?”

Severus furrowed his brow. “Like what?”

Harry seemed to consider his answer for a moment. “Like this.” He drew a hand down the length of his body in one sweeping motion, though Severus had no idea what he was attempting to indicate by doing so. Harry seemed to notice this as well and then shook his head slightly. “I feel groggy and… heavy, like I just can’t snap out of it. I’m exhausted. I remember my reality and it was fine. Normal, I think. So why do I feel like this?”

Severus thought back to his first experience with Evochi and realized, with a surge of relief, that what Harry was describing was simply the after-effects of the potion, the recuperation phase, as opposed to some kind of adverse reaction. Although there was always the possibility of such a thing happening, he’d felt it unlikely with Evochi. It was one of the reasons he felt confident shepherding Harry through this process; that despite the potion’s potential consequences, it still had the power to help Harry like nothing else could. Severus was gambling on the fact that Harry wasn’t the type who thrived by talking his way through things, as traditional therapy demanded; rather, he felt Harry would do best by experiencing his way through them. Time would tell.

“I suggest we return to my quarters; I think you will be more comfortable there.” Severus gestured his head towards the center of the cavernous room to suggest that the Great Hall was not an ideal locale for a discussion of this, or any other, sort.

Harry looked up at him and then around the Hall, seeming to notice it for the first time since they’d arrived. “Yeah, sure…” he said with a yawn. He pushed his plate away and stood up, the legs of his chair scraping heavily against the floor. Severus stood as well and motioned for Harry to follow him out the staff door at the end of the Head Table.

SSHP-SSHP-SSHP

Severus took a seat on the sofa in his antechamber; Harry again opted for the armchair closest to the fireplace. So much had happened in the last couple hours. And Severus, too, had experienced some firsts. Harry was not the first guest in his private quarters, certainly, but he was the only visitor Severus had ever fretted about. The worry proved completely unfounded, though, as the actual experience of having Harry in his midst was… unexpectedly comforting. He filed that away for later thought.

It had also been his first time observing someone under the influence of Evochi. His mind’s eye remembered what he had seen with Harry. It was this, more than anything, that made him grateful he had experienced his own Evochi sessions unsupervised. He resolved himself to discussing it, but only if Harry asked.

Looking over at the young man seated across from him, Severus decided to offer a little more insight into what it meant to use Evochi – but chose his words carefully, just to be safe.

“What you are feeling is normal, Harry. Evochi is rather unique that way.”

Harry slumped back into his chair and snorted. “That’s what you call unique?”

Severus shot him a rather indignant look, causing Harry to quickly avert his eyes. He regretted it almost immediately, inwardly cursing the long-suffering habits of their teacher-student days.

“I am trying to help you, Harry.” Yet who, exactly, he was trying to convince, he did not know.

Harry sat forward and propped his forehead in his fingers, his elbows on his knees. “I know, I’m sorry, I’m just—”

“—disappointed,” Severus finished matter-of-factly.

Harry lifted his head and stared back at Severus, his mouth open slightly. He blinked slowly. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Always know what I am thinking!”

The corner of Severus’ mouth twitched slightly. He rather enjoyed the fact that, ever since their Occlumency lessons fifth year, Harry had seemed to grow increasingly paranoid about the notion that Severus could read his mind at will and without warning. And Severus did nothing to dispel this paranoia, of course, finding it a harmless and amusing sort of ruse. However, the gravity of Harry’s current situation warranted a serious response, and so Severus shelved his mischievous streak for now, the ghost of a smirk disappearing from his lips.

“It is all over your face. I know that look well.” Severus pressed his lips into a thin line as he contemplated his next admission. “It is how I used to feel after Evochi, too.”

When Harry’s eyes snapped back up to his, he knew it had been the right thing to say – in fact, it might have been exactly what Harry was hoping he’d say.

“It… it was?” Severus nodded once and Harry plowed on. “Why does it happen? I mean, I was only under for about thirty minutes – what is this going to be like after an hour?”

“I did tell you an hour would be plenty, did I not?”

“Well, sure, I guess… but you didn’t say why.”

Severus sighed. “I do not proclaim to understand every contingent of Evochi, Harry. Most of what I know is simply taken from my own experiences. Now that I get the opportunity to observe and study you, it will only round out my research.”

Harry sat up suddenly, the realization hitting his face before he spoke. “That’s right, you watched my session. What did you see?”

Severus blanched, furious with himself for offering up the very conversation he was hoping to avoid. He decided the only reasonable tactic was to try and ignore the question altogether. He resumed course with Harry’s previous query instead.

“The reason you feel so drained is because to the subconscious, you really did just experience everything that was in your session, and in exactly the manner it appeared to have happened. However, since the subconscious is more powerful than the conscious, it has the effect of magnifying the experience. You will feel it intensely; much more so than if you had simply experienced it here, in the conscious mind. What you are feeling now should pass within the hour.”

Harry had tried to interject while Severus was talking, but all of this new information had clearly derailed his intent. Instead, he just sat there, taking it all in.

“Vivid experiences in the mind create vivid experiences for the physical and mental faculties as well. It is all interrelated,” Severus continued. “This is also why I am not allowing you to take Evochi more than once per week. And, once I am satisfied it has had the desired effect, you will be ceasing it altogether.”

“Why? I thought you said it wasn’t dangerous?”

SSHP-SSHP-SSHP

“It isn’t. Well, no more dangerous than your normal life—” At this, Severus caught his words and stopped abruptly, looking quickly at Harry, whose face had also frozen momentarily. Then, Harry began laughing in earnest. “You knew what I meant, I think,” Severus corrected, the faintest hint of a flush coloring his cheeks.

Harry was still chuckling as he nodded. “Yeah, I did.” He just grinned at Severus for a moment, amused by the fact that he had caught Severus in an unintentional joke of his own making, something his careful demeanor rarely allowed. Harry liked the way even a restrained smile warmed the features of Severus’ face – something Harry was also not accustomed to seeing, even with their newly-forged friendship – yet it suited Severus more than he knew.

SSHP-SSHP-SSHP

Severus shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say, but hoped the skin behind his ears would soon be back to its normal color. Fortunately, Harry resumed his questions before the awkward moment could draw out any further.

“Is Evochi addictive?”

Grateful to be back on topic, Severus continued his explanation. “No, the substance itself is not addictive. However, it is easy to become addicted to the escapism, and for the mind to get too attached to the virtual realities. Similar to what I told you initially about the Mirror of Erised, there are also those who put too much stock in what they see with Evochi. After a while, it becomes difficult to distinguish between physical reality and virtual reality. This overlap can create a dependency on the elixir, which in turn distorts both realities to the point where the mind slowly goes insane.”

Harry shuddered lightly. “So what effect are you hoping for me?” There was genuine curiosity in his voice even though his tone was quieter and more tentative now.

Severus realized then that Harry had never asked that question of him before. It struck him as odd, as that would have been one of his first questions had someone offered Evochi to him. Then again, his trust was given only under exceptional circumstances (and even then sometimes with restrictions), whereas Harry tended to trust people implicitly until they proved themselves unworthy of that trust. Foolish boy, Severus chided to himself, giving his head a small shake. Then again, it hadn’t just been anyone offering Evochi to him, had it?

Severus exited his thoughts and looked back over at Harry. He wasn’t sure he was ready to contemplate the meaning of Harry’s trust just yet. And as for his question, how forthright should Severus be? He decided to start with the least complicated answer.

“At a minimum, my hope is that Evochi will allow you to get away from the memory of the war for a while and enjoy a much-deserved respite.”

Severus watched a smile bloom on Harry’s face and was relieved the response placated him, at least for now, as he wasn’t sure he was prepared to elaborate on that yet, either.

SSHP-SSHP-SSHP

Severus spoke from his seat on the sofa as Harry prepared to leave. “I shall see you next Sunday, then?”

“Yeah,” Harry affirmed with a nod, and was halfway out the door when Severus spoke again.

“Wait… Harry, is that your bag?”

Harry stopped and turned, looking in the direction Severus pointed. Discreetly, he reached over to pick up the backpack, a sheepish expression on his face. “What?” he finally asked, a wary tone to his voice.

“I did not see you bring that in. What is the bag for?” Then suddenly, it hit him. “Did you believe you were—”

“—staying over, yeah.” Harry sighed, cutting off Severus in what seemed an effort to spare them both any more embarrassment. Harry’s face flushed as he looked traitorously at the bag, then dropped his gaze. “I wasn’t sure. You said I would stay at Hogwarts with you while I used Evochi, so I just assumed…” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I already had it packed, so I just brought it with me.” He looked back up then, clearly assessing Severus’ reaction.

But Severus’ mind was spinning with this heady development; at the realization that Harry would have stayed in his quarters if that had been his meaning. He wondered then if Harry was expecting a new invitation. He managed to compose himself quickly, knowing that every second he waited was causing Harry to retreat a little more.

“You may stay, if that suits you,” Severus offered, although his voice was more tentative than he intended. “I had only meant that you would stay here while under the influence of Evochi, to ensure that all goes as planned.” But no sooner had it left his mouth than his mind was already chastising him for voicing it. Regret pierced his insides when he saw the hurt flash across Harry’s face.

“No, it’s fine…” Harry recovered quickly. “I should be getting back to Grimmauld Place anyway. I’ll just head home after our Evochi sessions, that makes the most sense.” He slung the bag over his shoulder.

“Harry—”

“Don’t. It’s okay, really. I just misunderstood you, is all. I had wondered about the offer anyway – I mean, really? Stay here with you in your quarters?” He gave a soft snort of mock disbelief. Then, clearly not wanting to endure the humiliation for another second or give Severus a chance to respond, he forced a small smile and raised one hand briefly as a parting gesture. And with that, he swept from the doorway and was gone.

Severus’ lips were parted, words already perched on his tongue. There were things he wanted to say, had to say, but Harry would not hear them now. He sighed, frustrated with himself at the callous explanation he had just given Harry. It really spoke more to his own insecurities than the notion of Harry kipping on his sofa, even though not once in his nearly seventeen years of living at Hogwarts had anyone ever spent the night in his quarters. Any liaisons he had over the years had always been offsite (and always unfulfilling beyond the most basic physical release, he sadly recalled), conducting them as he did to avoid sullying the sanctuary that Hogwarts had become for him.

But for Harry? That was different. Very different. The anticipation of Harry’s visit to his quarters and lab had Severus fraught with a tension he didn’t quite understand, but the actual experience had deflated his concerns immediately with its natural ease and comfortable familiarity.

Severus also realized he had worked himself up for nothing about Evochi. Harry took it in strides. He took everything in strides. No doubt his life to this point had taught him the power of resilience and adaptability, and Severus very much admired him for it. In fact, these past few months of getting to know Harry had been some of the most surprising of his life. Not without their share of challenges, certainly, although that was probably more him than Harry, but he remembered early on the profound and disorienting realization that Harry was not in fact a miniature of his cocksure father, as he had always assumed; rather, Harry was more like his mother. That had rattled Severus more than anything else he had discovered. He hated being wrong about people, but also conceded Harry had never got a fair trial from him, either. It was times like this when he couldn’t help but lament on how different things might have been when Harry was a student if he hadn’t jumped to conclusions or let the strikingly similar physicality to James unhinge him.

He also knew he could stoke these regrets forever and still not change the past, so he let it go – again. Indeed, this was the main reason Severus had set himself earnestly to the task of getting to know Harry. If only he could make up for lost time, perhaps it would mollify his nagging conscience some and allow him to redeem his transgressions in Harry’s eyes. Or some of them, at least.

Yet no one was more surprised than Severus to find he really liked Harry – the young man he actually was, not the insolent child Severus thought he knew – and enjoyed being in his company, sometimes more than he dared to admit. And he knew it was self-serving in many ways to offer Evochi to Harry, but when he thought Harry might actually take off on some ill-fated traveling, he had panicked. He didn’t know how to tell Harry he wanted him to stay; needed him to stay. It was true, everything he had said about Evochi’s power to help Harry move past the shadows of his life, but the proximity and timeframe required to do so was also a convenient (and intentional) ploy to Severus’ favor. He loathed having to resort to manipulating circumstances in order to keep Harry near him, but could not bear the thought of a rejection if he had outright requested that he stay.

Severus stood up from the sofa and walked over to a small cabinet near the fireplace, withdrawing a short tumbler and a bottle of Firewhiskey. Pouring himself a modest amount, he downed it in one gulp. He stood there a moment and closed his eyes, relishing the burn the amber liquid incited in his throat. The fact that he had already begun to crave Harry’s presence – more than just his presence, if he was being honest – was disconcerting. His walls of self-restraint were crumbling and he felt powerless to stop it.

He wasn’t used to the idea of sharing his space, or his life, with anyone. At least he hadn’t thought he needed it before now. However, he found the lonely void that Harry’s absence left behind was quickly warming him to the idea.
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The Unexpected Side Effect of Draught No. 9