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Just Let Me Die	By : TalisRuadair Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Draco/Hermione Views: 25079 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: The Harry Potter Series (1997-2007) and any characters and original locations within the books belong to JK Rowling. I am not making any profit from this, as this is only written for practice.

Chapter List
- 7
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Chapter Eight – Returning Home

Another couple of months passed. In the last month, Draco was weaned off of his sleeping potion. They had noticed the change in his sleeping patterns as his nightmares had stopped. When Hermione discussed the change with Healer Bagshot, the witch explained that Draco’s journal treatment was working. Since he was spending more time writing things down and accepting his past, his subconscious mind was less active and thus the resurfacing of repressed memories halted. It was during that same discussion that the healer announced that St Mungo’s had done all they could for Draco, and that they would be releasing him to his mother’s custody. She stated that she would continue reading his journal entries and expected Hermione to continue treating him. She continued to turn that conversation over in her mind, along with the questions she had about the feelings she was developing for her former enemy.

Narcissa cleared her throat getting Hermione’s attention, “So, Healer Goyle informed me earlier that they are releasing Draco today, and there’s something I’ve been meaning to discuss with you. I plan on having him return to the Manor with me. I would like to ask that you move in with us. I think it would be beneficial to his continued healing. I believe Greg is still planning on making daily visits, but I think that might be more as a show of solidarity than in a healer capacity.”

Hermione felt the shock of the request hit her full force. She hadn’t seen her London flat in the past few months and something pulled her toward Draco. She quickly remembered the heated conversation she had with Healer Bagshot and the woman’s request that she keep Draco as a patient even though she wasn’t a full healer yet. She rubbed her temples and sighed, “I’ll have to return to my work at the Ministry, but I could do some of that out of the office, much like what I’ve already been doing.” She smiled at Narcissa, “Yes, I will move in with you guys until Draco’s back on his feet. Well, I guess he already is, but you know what I mean his symptoms could return at any time.”

Narcissa’s face dropped, “Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I think you should have Rosy bring over your things tonight. I think you should take the guest suite next to Draco’s.”

Hermione furrowed her brow, “How about we not tell Draco about this. I’m not sure how’d he react.”

Narcissa’s placed a finger on her chin, “You’re right. How about we have Rosy move your things over and you pop over after Draco’s gone to bed. I’ll set up a listening charm so that you can hear if he needs you from your guest room.”

Hermione sat at the desk in the sitting room of her guest suite at the manor. She couldn’t help but wonder if Narcissa had directed the house elves to change the room to suit the tastes of a Gryffindor. She assumed the mostly Slytherin line wouldn’t have decorated a room, even a guest room, in Gryffindor reds and gold. The wood furniture was in rich browns and the upholstered chairs were in bright red, which stood across from an elaborate gold jacquard sofa. The chair she sat in at the large, femininely carved, wooden desk was a mate to the other two red overstuffed chairs. She had several stacked thick law books on the desk; one was opened in front of her, with a yellow highlighter in hand.

She continued to read over the laws highlighting any pro pure-blood or oppressive to other magical creatures and beings. She was deep in thought when she heard Draco scream. She continued to listen as she realized he woke up from a nightmare. She clenched her eyes rubbing her closed lids with her forefinger and thumb. She wondered if his PTSD symptoms had returned full force. Had his homecoming jogged some previously repressed memories? When she started hearing him mumbling and things hitting the wall, she got up from the desk. She walked out of her door and unlocked his suite’s door with a silent Alohomora. She walked through his sitting room, which was decorated in greens and gray with the same room layout as her own. She reluctantly approached his bedroom door and slowly twisted the knob.

She gasped as she saw the room littered with books. Draco was a crumpled mess on the floor with blood dripping from his wrists. He looked up at her with glazed over gray eyes and sobbed, “I can’t take it anymore. I don’t deserve to live. Everything would be easier if I were dead. Please, just let me die.”

She shook her head, “No Draco, I cannot let you do that.” She pointed her wand at his wrists and mumbled a couple of healing spells. She watched as the skin knitted back together. She vanished the still bloody letter opener he’d used to cut his wrists. She then levitated him to his bed while quickly putting the room back together with a few more spells.

Draco curled up on the bed tightly grasping his legs to his chest, “Why? Why can’t I just die? Why won’t you just let me die?”

“What happened? You were doing better in the hospital,” she mumbled rubbing his back as he continued to cry and plead for her to end his life.

“Being here made me remember. My father did do what Crabbe said he did. I was punished the same way by him when I came home at the end of each school year,” his body shook with sobs, “and I was second in our class to you. He was livid and when the Cruciatus curse stopped having an effect on me, he turned to another form of torture. Crabbe was right about all of it. The last time my father punished me that way when I was 14, he spit on me and told me how disgusted he was because he could tell I enjoyed it. He locked me in the dungeon for a couple of days to think about my deviant behavior. I cried for two days wondering what I did to make him hate me so much. I-” his sobs overtook him and he could no longer speak coherently.

She shushed him and climbed into bed with him. She held him as he continued to cry. She ran her hands through his soft hair until he fell asleep and continued to cradle him. She tried to remember the strong and proud boy from school, but the image twisted. She understood why he was so mean and that the arrogance he wore was only a shield. She remembered catching a glimpse here and there of stormy and sad gray eyes. Soon sleep overtook her.

Draco woke up the next morning still dazed from another erotic dream to find Hermione protectively curled around him. In his daze, he thought it must be another one of his dreams. He moved in to kiss her sleeping form. Her eyes opened as she responded to his kisses. She ran her fingers through his hair knowing he needed this comfort. He needed to know that after everything he’d been through that he was still a man. He needed to feel in control of his life even if it was just in his dreams.

He kissed her neck and she moaned and helped him take her shirt off. She ran her fingers up and down his back that was textured from his physical scars. He continued to kiss her everywhere and felt his cock twitch. He couldn’t help but think about how real the dream felt, but his mind was clouded by the ecstasy of feeling her loving touch. He pulled down her pants and gently rubbed her stump. She squirmed as he stuck a digit into her warm hole followed by two and he continued to rub her nub. She clamped around his fingers and he groaned. He quickly removed his pants and slid in where his fingers were only moments before. She moaned in delight and began grinding against his hips. The pleasure coursing through him was too much and soon he was sputtering in bliss and collapsed to the bed beside her. She pulled him into a tight embrace as sleep overtook them again.

When he awoke a second time to find a naked woman lying next to him he jumped out of bed in fear. His mind flooded him with Sofia and the times she’d willingly participated in similar acts for comfort. His mind grew dark and in his gut he knew it wasn’t Sofia that lay in that bed. The naked woman was Granger and his breath left him. What had he done? A whole new wave of guilt, regret, and pain overcame him. He’d victimized her and took advantage of her. He may have even forced himself on her. He tried to remember if at any point she had said no? Had she pleaded with him to stop like many of the muggle toys had? His head pounded as more and more memories flashed through his mind. Each woman having a different face, when he refused his body was still made to perform the acts. His bare hands wrapped around their throats until their eyes stared back at him lifeless. He’d lost count at how many women had died at his hands. He broke his stare from the one woman, who above all others, should’ve never been tainted by him. His eyes searched the room for anything that could help him end it all. He needed to remove himself from the world before he destroyed another person. How could he do that to her?

Hermione awoke to Draco frantically looking around his room. She watched in shock as he rummaged through desk draws and threw things around. She could tell he was freaking out again and feared he might be looking for something to harm himself with. She stood in her naked glory still feeling the afterglow of the sex they’d had that morning. She walked toward him resting a hand on his shoulder.

He turned around to face her with wide tear filled eyes, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I thought it was a dream and I didn’t realize it wasn’t. I needed-”

She could tell he was freaking out and shut him up the best way she knew how. She kissed him and held him close to her. She needed him to know she was completely willing that morning and that he didn’t take advantage of her. She was fully awake while he was in a daze. If anything, she took advantage of him. She flicked her tongue at his lips causing him to gasp. She deepened the kiss pinning him up against the wall. She soon broke the kiss and plastered light kisses down his cheek and his neck. She peppered his chest and abs with them. Soon she was on her knees staring at his saluting soldier. She looked up at him as she wrapped her fingers around the base. His eyes were a dark gray filled with lust and desire. She whispered, “I want you, Draco.”

He was speechless and she heard him let out a gasp. She stroked and licked the head and soon her head was slowly bobbing as she deep throated and came up to lick the top before going back down. She felt his hand rest on her head with his fingers tangled in her mess of curls as he gently nudged her. Her pace quickened and soon she heard him warn, “I’m going to-” She took him in all the way and prepared for the warm liquid to explode down her throat.

Once his spasms stopped, she swallowed and stood before him. She pulled him into an embrace and he rested his head on her shoulder, “There’s no reason for you to apologize. I was willing this morning and I still am.” She dropped her arms and grabbed his hand pulling him toward the bed, “How about we try this a second time when both of us are fully aware of what’s happening.”

His voice cracked, “You want me, even when you know what I’ve done?”

“Draco, you were the victim. You didn’t do anything. Even when you tortured people, it was because you were commanded to do so by Riddle. When you were forced to rape and murder it was at the hands of Crabbe or under the Imperious Curse. You’re not a bad person and you never will be. Come here and let me show you how much I want you,” she pushed him on the bed and straddled him as she showered him with warm and soft kisses.

His eyes closed and he murmured, “You make me feel so good.”

She chuckled and smiled as she continued to grind on him. He was ready to go again and she was moving with him. It caused him to let out a husky moan. She continued until they both fell over with sweat dripping and fully satiated. She rolled off of him and cuddled into him. He kissed her temple and whispered, “Thank you.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Why are you thanking me?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess because it’s like you’ve lifted a weight off of my shoulders. I never thought I could feel happy again and well I’m feeling something stronger than happiness.”

Narcissa chuckled as she checked on Draco. She found the two lovers covered by his green comforter and cuddled lovingly together. Something in their peaceful sleeping faces told her that her son was finally starting to mend. She knew that difficult times still remained, but with Hermione by his side Draco would finally live. Hopefully, Hermione would be able to assist him and help him through his challenges. She wondered if Lucius’ release and Elty’s arrival would help her son mend further. She was counting down the days with her selfish desire to have both her husband and her grandson in her arms again. She left the suite and asked the elves to move all of Hermione’s belongings to Draco’s suite. If love was going to bloom between the two, she was going to do everything to insure it. After all, she knew that Hermione had bonded with Elty and would raise him as her own.

Hermione awoke as the door shut. She looked over the blond in her arms and ran her fingers through his hair. His eyes were still closed and he seemed to be sleeping peacefully. She kissed him and he awoke with a smile, “I keep thinking this is just a dream and I’ll wake back up in that horrible room.”

She furrowed her brow, “I was wondering about something you said last night. I understand you remember things; however do you think your father would’ve punished you like that? I mean Greg said something to me the other day that has me thinking.”

Draco rested his head on the pillow feeling the warmth and comfort of her body next to him. He cleared his throat, “I remember him doing that, but I do have to admit he was far more forceful with my punishment that time.” He tapped his finger to his chin, “You know it’s curious. Before I went to Hogwarts my punishment was only slashing hexes when I was really bad. The Cruciatus and other punishments didn’t happen for the first time until after my first year.”

She looked at him wondering if she should push her luck and the boundaries of his trust, “Do you think you’d let me in? I want to help but it’s difficult when I don’t fully understand what you’ve gone through.”

He gulped and remained silent for a moment. “I’ll let you in, but only for you to help me.”

Hermione nodded and stared into his gray eyes. She again fell into his eyes and memories without speaking the spell. She was there but she could still feel her hand on his shoulder.

It had been a while since Crabbe was there last. There was a loud crack and Crabbe was accompanied with a female. She seemed pretty battered and abused. The man laughed, “Boy, we’re going to see how good you are at asserting power. You see this muggle filth here? You’re going to fuck her to death this time and if you fail and I have to finish the work for you then I’ll enjoy you for two days straight.”

Draco shook his head, “No, I won’t do it. I won’t hurt another innocent person.”

Crabbe snickered, “Well, it looks like I’m going to get that marathon after all. But you’re still going to have to perform your duty. Imperio.”

Draco’s eyes were glazed over as he ripped the clothes off the screaming muggle. She had black stringy hair and honey colored eyes. He couldn’t think. He could only do what the voice was telling him. He pushed into to the screaming woman and didn’t feel anything, as he did what the voice commanded. If he had a stronger will he could’ve resisted the curse, but what will he had was gone. Soon Draco had his hands around the woman’s throat and he was choking her. When the life drained out of her eyes, he continued to pound.

Crabbe lifted the curse and pointed, “See what you did, boy? You love to inflict pain as much as you love receiving it. That’s why you refused to do that right? You wanted to feel me all over you.” He pushed Draco face down on his bed and did exactly what he’d threatened him with. Draco thought he’d die from blood loss before the man stopped. He hoped that death would come soon.

After Crabbe left, Draco mumbled in the darkness to some invisible being, “Just let me die. Please just let me die. I don’t want to live anymore.”

Hermione left that memory to find Draco curled into her and sobbing. She reached out to touch him but he rolled away from her. She moved toward him and pulled him close to her. He tried to shrug out of her hug as he continued to cry. “Why are you touching me? After witnessing that you should be disgusted. I raped and killed that woman like all of the others.”

Hermione whispered in his ear, “Under the Imperious Curse. So, really Crabbe raped and killed that woman by using you as a tool. I bet you everyone you raped or murdered was because of him. You may not have been under the Imperious for Sofia, but he physically forced you to do that.”

Draco allowed him to hold him, “That was the worst visit I remember clearly and that was the last time he visited me. He apparated with the corpse like he always did to who knows where, and left me there knowing Rosy would keep me alive. The only one who he left there with me was Sofia, but in the end he disappeared with her lifeless body as well.”

She shushed and ran her open palm up and down his arm, “It’s okay Draco. You’re no longer down there. You’re in your bedroom. You’re here with me.”

A/N: I understand that this chapter is a little choppy, but it’s what came out. Also I haven’t written many love scenes, so… I have a rough idea of where this is going, but mostly I’m enjoying the ride.
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Just Let Me Die