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Embracing My Very Own Darkness	By : TheTVJunkie Category: Harry Potter > Het - Male/Female > Snape/Hermione Views: 44434 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 4
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Harry Potter' or anything related to it. There's no money made of my stories; all my works are written for entertainment purpose only!

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
A/N: Firstly, a big thanks goes to my dear beta 'GabbyFreak/WolfInTheShadows' for her excellent research and knowledge of Cymraeg/Welsh! You're awesome, sweetie!
Now then, I presume that the last upsetting chapter (Don't worry; the disturbing and rather descriptive parts are over for now. ;)) has left you dear readers, same as Hermione, with a lot of questions. I truly hope that the upcoming instalment will answer most of them and yet another layer of the complex past of our two favourite Death Eaters will be revealed.^^
Apart from that, you must know that I'm not much of a fan of fan made potion creations that nobody has ever heard of but since this serum has and will play an important role in my story, I felt like giving it a name after all.
Enjoy!^^

Chapter Eight - 'A Fatal Invention'

Still having difficulty finding her focus, Hermione rubbed her forehead. "It's just that I don't know where to start." So many questions were on the tip of her tongue.
"Why not start at the beginning?" Lucius helped. Now this was going to be interesting.
"Right." Hermione wriggled her hands, trying to form her first question in a somewhat stronger voice than before. She hated the fact that Lucius realized her uncontrolled state of badly disguised sexual excitement.
"Well..." Hermione shifted a little uncomfortably. "That first Revel you let me see...that was a long time ago, correct? When Voldemort first rose to power?" Lucius nodded.
"It's a bit hard for me to believe that he killed that Radella for something as simple and harmless as reading Muggle bedtime stories to her son. Even for Voldemort's standards that seemed a bit...over the top."
Lucius tilted his chin. "The Dark Lord had always been a pretty pernickety despot and it was even worse when he first came to power. He believed that the propagation and support of Muggle ideologies and values would eventually lead to wayward young Purebloods aligning with the enemy; our own offspring maybe even questioning their supremacy. The headstone for racial defilement would have been set and that had to be avoided at any price. It might appear petty at first glance, but by giving her son the impression that there's actually good things that come from Muggles, Radella had sealed both her and the boy's fate. She really should have known better."
Hermione swallowed. In a weird way, that even made sense. It's easier to destroy and hate something or somebody you don't know anything about, let alone fancy.
"But..." Hermione continued. "If Voldemort had killed his own people regularly for such nullities, there couldn't have been many Death Eaters left in the end, were there?"
"Indeed. He eventually came to his senses and realised that severe punishment was way more effective than killing."
Hermione thought of the many scars she had seen on Snape's back and wondered if all Death Eaters had those. Even Lucius? Having such blemishes on his otherwise perfect body must have been quite some bitter pill to take for a dandy like him...
"I see. Was that why most of you were drugged? To be able to deal with the pain of the punishment?"
"Not exclusively." Lucius answered. "Those drugs also made those who needed it rather susceptible to...overcome their own inhibitions."
"Like?" Hermione heard herself say, already having a vague suspicion what he was implying, but still, she wanted to hear him admit it.
"Like..." Lucius' facial expression became icy. "Like abusing and raping the schoolmates of their own children."
Hermione shuddered, then tilted her head defiantly. "Some of you didn't seem to have a problem with that, though; not even the women."
Lucius gave her a patronising look. "Again, you only see what you want to see..."
"Again..." Hermione interrupted Lucius. "I couldn't overlook it." Lucius looked at her with narrowed eyes, lips thin but he didn't say a word. A warning look from those cold grey eyes was all it took...
In the same second, Hermione couldn't believe her ears when she heard herself utter the words. Even if the topic enraged her, it had not been very polite to cut Lucius off. After all, he was willing to bring light into the dark, so she quickly added "I'm sorry, go on please."
"As I said before..." Lucius continued; drawling the words to emphasise his disapproval. "You only see what you want to see. At first glance, that old Revel I showed you plays perfectly into the hands of those who like to stigmatise the Death Eaters as monsters with no morals or mercy, doesn't it?"
Hermione nodded. From where she was standing, it was difficult to look at it any differently.
"Too easy, luv." Lucius added with a certain degree of bitterness in his voice. "Voldemort's concept had been rather easy then. Punishment or treat. Nothing in between. And, as you might already know, the Dark Lord had always been very inventive when it came to punishment. So...when given a treat, you'd better not reject it." He finished grimly.
"Even if that's true," Hermione conceded. "I still can't help but have the impression that you all enjoyed that gang rape a little too much for it being 'forced on you' as a treat..."
"Why not enjoy it?!" Lucius asked with disdain, slowly losing his composure. "You Muggles were worth nothing; lower than animals and a permanent threat to our society. Your untouched little bodies were the only useful thing you had to offer..."
Again, Hermione swallowed strongly. It was obvious that the topic did enrage both her and Malfoy, even though, apparently, for different reasons. Hermione was eager to get to the bottom of this difference.
"And yet, your questionable idea of morality allowed you to abuse children?" Hermione pushed. "Why not pick older girls? And why didn't the women interfere? No mother would stand by and watch a bunch of old men fuck a little girl in turns without her protective mother instincts kicking in. What the heck is wrong with your women?"
"Better Muggle children than Pureblood children!" Lucius spat; then trying to regain his composure.
Oh.
Hermione arched an eyebrow. "You mean...your own children weren't excluded from those Revels?"
What sick prick was that Voldemort?
Lucius inhaled sharply and Hermione could tell that he definitely didn't enjoy recalling that part of his memories. "No. As I mentioned before, the Dark Lord had been very inventive when it came to punishment." Lucius replied sardonically.
Now that explained why none of the women had interfered. What mother would, when she had to fear that her own child might be put in the victim's place? That was a bit much.
Hermione couldn't help but feel a wave of sympathy find its way to her heart. Voldemort really was a clever despot; he easily kept his followers covered by threatening them with the repeated disgrace and butchering of their own offspring.
Hermione couldn't imagine the permanent fear and horror that must have been constantly hanging over the heads of wayward Death Eaters like the sword of Damocles.
It suddenly made sense that they were famous for being cold-hearted and ruthless. Nobody could live with such permanent fear in their hearts and minds over the well-being of their loved ones without being severely affected emotionally.
What a terrible creature.
"Apart from that," Lucius started talking again. "Voldemort had a liability to destroy everything that was pure and innocent. He only accepted girls in the Revels that clearly met those requirements. The more blood and pain, the better."
Hermione recalled Bellatrix dragging that Hufflepuff girl in, stating her status was "in order".
"So...you're seriously telling me that none of you male Death Eaters would ever have enjoyed that sick ritual if you hadn't been blackmailed?" Hermione asked curiously.
Lucius' dark mood changed and he gave Hermione a crooked smile. "I would be a liar if I were to say so. I'm sure you're smart enough, Miss Granger, to be able to tell the advantages for a man when popping the cherry of a virgin..."
Sure. She couldn't tell if you're good at sex or not...Alright, maybe some physical aspects like tightness, too.
"I guess so." Hermione answered, feeling herself blush again. "So what changed during Voldemort's second seizure of power? Those girls were way older than that poor Hufflepuff you showed me. And they weren't killed in the end."
"Slowly, slowly. Are you sure, you don't have any more questions on the first Revel? Think carefully; next time we meet you might not have a chance of asking again." Lucius said, that trademark predatory look back on his face. Hermione caught herself thinking that the meeting couldn't be soon enough. That memory of the Revels had left her horny as hell and the conversation she was now having with Malfoy wasn't helping either. Sure, it was so wrong and disgusting on more than one level and still her sex-craving body only filtered the information out that intrigued her physically.
It was a real shame.
Reconsidering his request, Hermione indeed came up with one final question. "Alright, there is one more thing I'd like to know."
"And what would that be?"
"What happened to Bellatrix Lestrange? I mean, in that first Revel she looked so...normal and beautiful. What made her change into that bonkers lunatic I met at your manor?"
Sighing, Lucius answered her question grudgingly. "Well...Bella always had an unhealthy crush on the Dark Lord. Even when he was slowly turning into a reptile and had no sexual interest in human females anymore, but developed a pervert pleasure in voyeurism, Bella was still very persistent in her attempt to share his bed; even hoping to be impregnated by him."
Blech!
"The power and greatness that was Voldemort intrigued her so much that she unfortunately kept ignoring the few warnings he granted her of leaving him alone. Until one day..." Lucius paused, searching for the right words. "Until one day, he apparently decided to grant Bellatrix her wish; however, not in the way she had hoped for."
Hermione held her breath. She had never liked Bellatrix much, how could she after her little incident at Malfoy Manor? And yet, Hermione had the suspicion that not even Bellatrix Lestrange had deserved what Voldemort had done to her. "What did he do to her?"
Lucius shrugged. "She wouldn't tell me. That night, Narcissa had found her sister in our hallway, covered in blood and talking nonsense. The medi-wizard said that she must have been on the brink of death several times that night; her tummy sliced open and her ovaries missing."
Hermione's lips twitched in sympathy. Poor Bellatrix.
"We never found out what happened that night, but apparently it had been traumatic enough to make my sister-in-law go crazy. Until the day of her death Bellatrix had a love/hate relationship with Voldemort." Lucius harrumphed. "But that is family business after all. Now, what was that other question you had before?"
"Ummm..."Hermione needed a second to recall her question; still touched by Bellatrix' pitiful fate. "Ah, right; I wanted to know why the girls changed in age during Voldemort's second take-over. They didn't look much like typical virgins to me..."
"For several reasons." Lucius explained. "Voldemort realised that he might have gone too far the first time by blackmailing his disobedient followers with their own children. Purebloods and Halfbloods were now excluded as victims in the Revels. He needed to gather his old allies around him and make sure he could rely on them now that he was weaker than before. That's why he compromised. The female Death Eaters were no longer obliged to attend the Revels, witnessing their husbands' doings. And, believe it or not, even Death Eaters do have certain moral standards and a conscience. We're neither born child abusers, nor evil by nature. Voices were being raised that the girls being caught ought to be at least seventh year students...more womanly and curvaceous." Lucius drawled the last words, emphasising them by giving Hermione elevator eyes. "However, that presented us with a problem."
"The virginity issue." Hermione concluded.
"Correct. Voldemort's concessions didn't go as far as abandoning that aspect; however, he no longer excluded boys from the Revels..."
Boys? Ouch. Good for Harry and Ron that the Death Eaters never caught THEM!
"And since you Muggles appear to be acting like rabbits at that age, we had to face yet another problem."
"And what was that?"
"We ran out of virgins."
Hermione broke into a peal of laughter, leaving Lucius to arch an eyebrow in confusion. "Did I say something amusing, Miss Granger?"
Biting back the next laughing fit Hermione answered him truly. "I'm so sorry; I know that this topic is dead serious and I really do appreciate your candour but the way you just said that simply sounded bloody hilarious! I'm really, really sorry. Please, tell me how you fixed that."
Shifting into a more comfortable position, Lucius continued, almost proudly. "Well, that's where Severus's excellent potion making abilities came in handy."
Recalling the scene from the second Revel, Hermione remembered that Snape indeed had made her Gryffindor comrade swallow some sort of potion before her violation. "What exactly did that potion do?" She asked curiously. "I remember the Professor making Adora drink it."
"It was called 'Tragwyddol Gwyryfdod'." (speak: traguithol guirivdod)
Tragwy...what?
"I'm sure your Cymraeg is as well as Severus's, no?" Lucius mocked her a little.
Cymraeg? Like Welsh? Blimey. Potions are usually given Latin or even English titles.
Hermione agonized over a proper derivation from other languages, but since Welsh had very unique linguistic roots, she finally gave up and shrugged in defeat.
"Doesn't ring a bell?" Lucius smirked. "Never mind. I'm sure Severus did that on purpose. The rough Latin translation would be virginitas aeternalis."
And the penny dropped.
"Eternal virginity?" Hermione whispered in awe and disbelief. "That's not possible! When it's gone, it's gone; you can't just..."
"Let it grow back?" Lucius purred, finishing the sentence for her. He had to admit that he was amused by the fact that Hermione certainly realised the scope of such an invention. What Lucius didn't know, however, was that the loss of virginity was a sore point for Hermione anyway...
"That's truly bestial." Hermione replied darkly.
"For the female it is." Lucius agreed. "For the male however," He gave her a suggestive wink. "Not so much." After pausing for effect, Lucius continued his explanation. "The hymen grew back, including the corresponding tightness effect, within roughly a minute after each penetration and didn't wear off for at least an hour." Next, he attempted to justify. "Besides, this was the only way to raise the girls' age. Remember – Voldemort's credo was 'The more blood and pain, the better'. Hence, the virginity aspect was no longer an issue."
"So that's why the girls weren't killed in the end? You could use them again; on the same 'pure' conditions than before?"
What a nightmare.
"When you say it like that, it sounds so clinical." Lucius replied sardonically. "But yes, if you put it that way that has been the exact purpose of 'Tragwyddol Gwyryfdod'. Bloody brilliant, don't you think?"
"Brilliant? Yes, but still cruel."
"Oh, believe it or not, but after some time some of those girls even started taking pleasure in serving regularly." Lucius leaned forward, close enough to make Hermione's breathing hitch involuntarily. "You know, there are girls that appreciate to be manhandled..." He purred seductively; bluntly referring to Hermione's darker side. "Furthermore..." Lucius grinned smugly. "We indeed had a few students volunteering at our little gatherings on a regular basis."
Death Eater Groupies? You've got to be joking!
If Hermione hadn't been so busy focusing all her willpower on mentally blocking out her desperate needs, she probably would have burst out in yet another hearty laugh. At the time being, however, she luckily managed to bite it back; letting out a silent breath of relief when Lucius eventually reclined. His seductive innuendos and the earlier Revel impressions made it really hard for Hermione to fight back the urge to jump Lucius's bones at an instant.
What an embarrassing proof of inadequacy that is, Hermione Granger! Bloody hormones. Bloody, bloody hormones.
"I still can't believe that Professor Snape actually participated in this." Came Hermione's hoarse voice.
"Active participation had been mandatory; especially for Severus." Lucius shrugged nonchalantly. "You see, since Severus possesses certain 'qualities' besides being a gifted Potions Master, anatomically that is, the latter accommodated greatly to Voldemort's voyeuristic propensities."
Since Hermione was already familiar with the professor's 'anatomical qualities', a whole set of illustrious images popped up before her inner eye. She dreamily blinked a few times before Lucius completed the unmistakable picture in Hermione's head.
"The Dark Lord took great pleasure in watching the students being humiliated before actually..." Lucius paused for effect, only to elicit yet another bunch of possible degrading acts which Hermione's hyperactive brain kept producing en masse. Feeling herself blush, she intently looked Malfoy in the eye; waiting for him to continue.
"Like, amongst other actions...the performance of oral services before the rest of us." Lucius finally concluded.
Bloody hell. Trauma par excellence.
A sudden sad thought hit Hermione. From an external viewpoint, it was only human to concentrate on the ordeal the victim had been going through. However, if one thought about the tricky situation in more detail, it might occur to one or another that being forced to commit the act, probably on several occasions, mustn't have been easy for the Professor, either. Especially given the fact that Snape had been a double agent for all those years. Hermione simply refused to believe that, despite his superficial callousness, Snape hadn't felt sorry for his former students in some way, even if it would have been lethal to show.
Wow. He must be carrying a backlog of past grievances and resentment on his shoulders.
Hermione wouldn't go as far as to imply that he hadn't enjoyed some parts of his more or less unwilling participation; he was a man after all and no saint. But still; with that ever present psychological burden it was only natural that, once this subconscious guilt started spilling over into his Hogwarts teaching life, it left him to be the scary and unapproachable 'dungeon bat' every student feared. It's not very surprising that a lifetime of rejection and abuse would lead to bitterness and twisted inclinations. And Hermione could tell.
And yet another piece of the puzzle...
"Shocked?" Came Lucius' voice; cutting Hermione out of her contemplative haze.
"No." She shook her head, still connecting the dots. "Not really. Voldemort really was a sick fuck, wasn't he?"
"Nature of the beast." Lucius shrugged nonchalantly. "Unfortunately the formula for Severus' potion coincidentally disappeared shortly before Voldemort's downfall." Lucius grumbled. "What a pity. Severus could have made a fortune putting an altered version on the market. Stop the bloody teaching, run an apothecary or something..."
A true Malfoy. Always the businessman.
Hermione blinked. "Even if it had disappeared, I'm sure Snape could have memorised it if he had wanted to."
"My point exactly." Lucius frowned in disapproval over his friend's decision. "He didn't want to. Besides, he'd never been overly proud of his creation..."
That speaks in his favour.
"Good for him." Hermione arched an eyebrow. "Don't you think that would have been a little inappropriate after the purpose of its original usage?"
"It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Lucius replied evasively. "It's gone for good."
"Right." Hermione nodded.
Then Malfoy changed the topic; tilting his head in curiosity. "Now tell me, Miss Granger, what did you think of the last part of my memory?"
"The duelling part? You didn't let me see enough of it to..." Hermione started answering in an innocent manner; her cheeks immediately turning crimson since she knew exactly that he was not referring to that bit.
"Not that part!" Lucius cut her off sharply. Swiftly stepping closer, he once more violated Hermione's personal space and her heart began to race. "Before that..." He purred suggestively, raising his hand to push a wayward strand of hair from her face. "The part that included Severus, the girl and me."
Hermione gasped audibly. Her dilated pupils gave away her constant state of excitement and she realised that there was no use denying it. Lucius played her like a fiddle.
Damn.
Wetting her lips that had gone dry due to her hot breath, Hermione silently stuttered her answer. "It...it..." She wasn't sure how to put it properly.
"Yes?" Lucius tried to encourage her, keeping up his piercing gaze and Hermione didn't dare look away.
"It...intrigued me." She finally managed to say. "More than I ever thought possible." She added weakly.
The look on Lucius's face had become unbearably smug. "Good. Very good indeed." He whispered, then turned away abruptly, obviously preparing to leave.
"Lord Malfoy, wait." Hermione quickly said, following an impulse and reaching for his arm to prevent him from heading for the door. "I've got one last question, if you please, Sir."
"You'd better be quick on this; Miss Granger. I have other business to attend to..." Lucius replied, a little impatiently. "And from what I've heard...so do you." He added with a grin; knowing of Hermione's upcoming 'after-supper-appointment' with Snape.
For the time being, however, Hermione didn't catch his drift since she was too busy attempting to learn the answer to her final question. "Why didn't you let me see the rest of your memory?" Hermione asked, curiously. "You said that Voldemort had abandoned mortal combat and yet, duelling had obviously become the new punishment. What were the penalties the loser had to suffer? Hexes? Jinxes? Torture? "
Narrowing his eyes, Malfoy gave Hermione a crooked smile. "Buggering." He stated dryly.
Hermione furrowed her brow; she thought she might have misheard. "I beg your pardon?"
"You heard me." Lucius confirmed his earlier statement. "The dueller who lost got buggered by the winner. First. But since both duellers usually had fallen into disfavour, that was not much of an advantage since after this, they had to switch. And...as for this being a form of entertainment; all in front of the others of course."
It was a rare event but this specific piece of information left Hermione speechless. Blinking, she listened carefully when Lucius continued. "Nevertheless, there were not always duels beforehand. In case only one fellow companion failed, Voldemort himself used to pick a 'winner'. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that his choice had always been...delicate."
Oh. My. Freaking. God. Now that indeed explains a lot of things!
It occurred to her that, especially taken into consideration that Snape had been a double agent, he probably must have found himself in the position of the 'loser' more than once...
Unthinkable!
And, from what Hermione could tell, Malfoy hadn't been in Voldemort's good books either after the Blonde's imprisonment in Azkaban. Hence, he was on the loser's side, too.
Baffled, Hermione wondered if Malfoy and Snape ever had to 'duel' each other...And if this even might have been the beginning of their mysterious 'friendship'.
Surprisingly thrilled by that picture, Hermione was just about to utter her next question when Lucius shushed her. "Tut tut, Miss Granger; no more questions today. I'm already late and so are you." Having that said, he chuckled. "Or are you late on purpose, you naughty little thing?"
Blushing, Hermione shook her head for emphasis. "Of course not! I was just wondering..." She lied, trying to avoid further embarrassment. "Why on earth did you all still keep faith with Voldemort after all the horrible things he made you go through? I mean, all the Muggleborns ever wanted was being treated as equals. Would that have been so bad for you Purebloods to accept?"
Reaching for his invitingly fluffy, furry coat, Lucius replied icily. "Nonsense, Miss Granger." He threateningly pointed his cane at her and Hermione became a little anxious. "Did you silly mudbloods ever think of the far-reaching consequences of your selfish demands? No? Our world was in order before your pitiful 'attempt at equality'; questioning our birth-given superiority and thereby threatening our lifestyle." Regaining his composure, Lucius lowered his cane and Hermione let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Voldemort promised to keep up our approved world order, once the war would be over. Accordingly we were willing to make unspeakable sacrifices in order to prevent our world order from tumbling down."
As a matter of fact, Hermione had to admit that she had never seen the war from a Pureblood's point of view. How could she? Nevertheless, in retrospect, Lucius bitter words made sense. Never change a running system...
"I see." Hermione whispered understandingly.
"No, you don't. And it doesn't matter anymore, does it? We all know pretty well how this war ended. So..." He put her off. "Let bygones be bygones."
Hermione agreed. "Fine. May bygones be bygones."
"Very well then." Lucius gave her a nod when he opened the door to eventually leave the little backroom of the 'Leaky Cauldron'. "See you tomorrow, Miss Granger. Use Severus's floo; it will bring you directly into my study. Wait there for me and don't sneak around the manor; you will get lost."
Poser!
"As much as the idea of chasing you around my stately home appeals to me, I have other plans for you tomorrow." Lucius concluded enticingly when he shut the door behind him. "Don't be late..."
Late. Late!
God damnit, I AM late!
Hermione jumped; her eyes wide when a quick look at her wristwatch confirmed her fear of actually being two minutes late for meeting Snape in his office.
Oh bloody hell! I'm so screwed.
She quickly hurried through the backdoor of the 'Leaky Cauldron'; apparating back to Hogwarts immediately. Rushing through the dark corridors of the dungeons, she was almost out of breath when she knocked on Snape's door.
"Come in." Came the Professor's sonorous voice and a shiver ran down Hermione's spine. She wasn't sure if, after her 'enlightening' afternoon with Lucius and the exciting things she had witnessed, she could even take any more stimulation without exploding at the first little physical contact with Snape.
Peeking inside, she saw him sitting behind his desk; a warm shimmer from the crackling fireplace casting shadows on the wall, giving the room a somewhat cosy atmosphere. Silently scurrying inside, Hermione closed the creaking door behind her and cleared her throat.
"Good evening, Professor." Hermione greeted him but was, unsurprisingly, greeted by a cold shoulder. "Umm...I know I'm late." She added insecurely. "I'm sorry, Sir."
Finally looking at her, Snape assured her promisingly. "Oh, you will be sorry indeed, Miss Granger..."
*gulp*

A/N: Oookaay. I hope that answered your questions, didn't it?^^ Quite an epiphany to look at things from a different angle, isn't it? So, I guess things really haven't been easy for the 'Death Eaters' during the war, either (which doesn't excuse their dirty deeds in the Revels but at least makes them kind of...comprehensible up to a certain extent.).
Anyway, as I stated before, for the time being the creepy and disgusting bits are over, meaning there will only be the 'usual' (kinky^^) lemony goodness ahead. ;)
As for now - Tut tut, being late for an appointment with Snape...Hermione, Hermione; will you never learn? ;) Some might think you keep doing this on purpose...*lol* I can smell yummy and funny lemons... ;)))
Please let me know what you think! Thanks.
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Embracing My Very Own Darkness