Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Survival of the fittest	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 18501 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 9
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter nor profit from it. Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Author's note: Here I am with the second part of History like promised.
Now I have to warn you that this chapter contains a heavy load of angst. That couldn't be avoided considering the situation Harry and Draco are in now and I want to keep it as realistically as possible. So please take notice of the warnings!
Warnings: a lot of angst; MPreg starting; mentions of violence; controversial content (discussion about abortion happens in this chapter; HOWEVER the ending of this chapter will be good I promise - there is a reason why MPreg is one of the general warnings of this story); chapter edited by myself.
! Please pay attention to these warnings. I had one of my best friends check over this part and she assured me that I did well with the whole situation, but be aware that this chapter will be heavy with angst (probably one of the most angst filled chapters in this story). I don't want to offend anyone with this chapter; I tried to imagine how someone in Harry's situation would feel and tried to bring those thoughts over in this chapter. I don't have any experience with this, so I apologize if I did something wrong regarding Harry's reaction.
Thanks to the following reviewer: delia cerrano
I hope you'll like this chapter!

Chapter 8: History Part 2
The next week passed very slowly, almost torturously slow if you asked Harry.
Finding the recipe for the potion proved to be difficult. Because they didn't want anyone to get suspicious, they couldn't spend as much time in the library as they'd like. When they were done with their homework, they wandered through the library, searching for a book that would seem likely to contain the recipe. Harry had even used his Invisibility Cloak two nights, but had to give up when he was in danger of being caught by Filch.
On Wednesday they had a fight. The next day they would be having a Quidditch training, as preparation for the match that was scheduled for November. Harry saw no harm in going to the training, like he had done all those weeks before, but Draco didn't want him to go. When Harry pressured him until he gave the reason, he was told to his shock that Draco didn't want to risk him getting hit by a Bludger in case he was pregnant. It was the first time since they had received the news that they mentioned the possibility of a pregnancy and it had left him stunned enough for Draco to offer a compromise: he could fly as long as he stayed high up and didn't interrupt Draco when he told the Beaters why they weren't needed during the training.

Harry agreed and the training was finished without any accidents.
Finally on Friday, Draco found the recipe for the potion and he quickly had copied it on a piece of paper, before going to his godfather to ask whether he could borrow the potion's lab on Saturday. After hearing it was for a private potion, Snape agreed, not bothering to ask what kind of potion Draco wanted to brew.

It was Saturday afternoon and Harry was staring blankly at the text of the Fidelius charm that the students had been assigned to read as their homework for the upcoming Charms lesson. He had read the first paragraph and now he was trying to read the second one, but the words didn't get absorbed in his mind. Whenever he reached the end of the paragraph, he had to start all over again because he didn't have a clue what it was talking about.
After five tries, he gave up with a frustrated sigh and leant back in his chair, staring at the wall in front of him.
Draco had told him he would be visiting him with the potion as soon as it was finished and to distract himself from the ball of nerves rolling around in his stomach, he had decided that doing homework would sufficiently serve as distraction. His mind disagreed.
All he could think about was that in a short while he would finally know whether he was pregnant or not. And the waiting was terrifying.
He felt ludicrous; he had taken on several Death Eaters and had survived numerous murder attempts of Voldemort himself, not to mention Dumbledore trying to kill him twice already and yet those moments seemed not as terrifying now as the prospect of having to test himself on pregnancy.
Not wanting to dwell on that thought until Draco had arrived, his eyes strayed to the old book lying on his desk. It was the heritage book of the Malfoy family and he and Draco had looked through it, needing more information about the link between the Malfoys and the Potters.
They had read the chapter on the creation of the charm (leaving Harry feeling a bit miffed that Lucian Malfoy had just readily assumed all future gay Potters would bottom – never mind that that was true in his case) and they had even discovered in a later chapter why both a lion and a dragon were engraved on the door leading to the Potters' vaults. The lion belonged to the Potter family, which they already knew, and the dragon belonged to the Malfoy family. The book explained that since the marriage between Henry Potter and Lucian Malfoy, both families were intertwined forever, even if there were no future marriages between. To symbolize their union, the dragon had been added to the vault, though the content of the vault still only belonged to the Potters.
Unfortunately they hadn't found any information about the marks in their backs, save for what Lucian had written down. Draco had admitted to him that when Harry had been attacked by Pomfrey, the blond had felt the exact same sensation Lucian had described, but that he hadn't realized at first what it meant.
"Harry?"
Draco's voice rang through the quarters and startled Harry out of his brooding.
"I'm here," he announced and stepped out of his bedroom.
There was a dark smear on Draco's right cheek and some of the potion seemed to have landed on his robes. In his hand he clutched a small vial and the clear glass showed a very light blue liquid that simmered when it caught the light of the flames in the fireplace.
"According to the instructions, the colour will stay the same if you're not pregnant. Otherwise it will darken to a midnight blue," Draco explained, his eyes glinting oddly.
"Alright; let's do this," Harry sighed and crossed the room to stand next to Draco.
A conjured knife was used to cut in Harry's thumb and he carefully let a few drops of his blood fall in the vial. A muttered Balm charm healed the small, but deep cut in his thumb and Draco closed the vial with a cork and shook it a few times, mixing the blood with the potion.
Slowly the ruby red blood swirled around in the vial until the potion completely absorbed it. They both held their breaths when the liquid started to bubble and then, seconds feeling like long minutes, they watched how the light blue darkened until it was a midnight blue.
Harry was pregnant.
"Oh god," Harry muttered and he sank through his legs, sitting down on the couch. "Oh god," he repeated, his neck bent and his face hidden in his hands.
His whole body started to shiver when he finally accepted the truth. He was expecting a child. A child that shouldn't have been there if they had known about their heritage before. A child that couldn't be here now because of the danger that was still present in his life.
Draco sunk down next to him and he felt arms wrapping around him.
"Will you let me cast a spell to check how far along you are?" Draco asked softly, but his own trembling arms revealed how shocked he was as well.
"You know the spell?" Harry raised his head, his voice small.
The blond nodded. "I looked it up when I was searching for the recipe." He cleared his throat and glanced away uneasily. "I figured it was better to know the spell in case the potion turned out positive."
Harry sat up, leaning with his back against the couch. "Sure, you can cast it," he muttered and closed his eyes, pressing his hands against them.
Draco muttered something too low for him to clearly understand him and he let his hands fall next to him when he felt a soft tug near his stomach. His green eyes watched blankly how a small, blue bubble appeared in front of them, a thin line shooting out of it, sinking through his skin, making a connection. The bubble bobbed from right to left, up and down and then in the middle of it, a clear space appeared, leaving room for two words to appear: one month. The words glittered red before it turned blue again and then back to red.
"Why is it changing colours?" Harry asked numbly.
"It means that you're almost one month pregnant, give or take a day or so," Draco answered and a quick snap of his wand broke the connection between the bubble and Harry's stomach and the bubble popped, the mist evaporating.
"One month pregnant," Harry repeated in a monotone voice.
So he was pregnant for one month already. At least they had discovered it fairly quickly. That was the only good thing about the situation now.
"What are we going to do now?" he broke the silence after it had dragged on for a long time. He turned his head and grey eyes were staring at him warily.
"What do you want to do?"
The emphasis on 'you' startled Harry and he stammered, "What?"
"You're the one carrying it, Harry, so what do you want to do?" Draco studied, his own face blank. "Are we going to keep it? Or … abort it?"
Harry looked down at his clothed stomach, biting down on his lower lip. What should he do? Should he keep it? Or let it be removed? A baby would change a lot in their lives; they were still in school, preparing themselves to graduate and Dumbledore was still out there, waiting for a chance to finish him off. A baby would bring him in more trouble than he already was. If he kept the baby, he wouldn't be able to play Quidditch; Potions, Defence against the Dark Arts and Curses would eventually be dangerous to attend because of the fumes and the spells and him carrying a baby would leave him more vulnerable if Dumbledore attacked him. He didn't know when Dumbledore would attack him; it could be in a few months; it could even be in years. But he would attack one day and either that happened while he was still pregnant or it would happen after the baby was born, in which case the baby would be in danger if Dumbledore discovered its existence. What if Dumbledore succeeded in which Voldemort had failed? Then the baby would be with a parent less.
Aside from the obvious danger factor, there was the fact that he had only just turned seventeen. An adult according to the Wizarding law, but in reality he was still too young to take care of a baby. How would he take care of the baby? After Hogwarts, he wanted to go study further to get a good job – which job it would be, he still had to decide. Studying would take a lot of time – a baby would cut even more into that time. Most of what he would do, would revolve around the baby, whether he studied further or put it off for a while. Was he ready to give up most of his life for a baby? A baby that hadn't been planned? A baby that shouldn't even exist if they had known about the charm before his birthday?
Because if he had known about the charm, he would definitely have used protection every time. Sure, he'd like to have children one day – but he had envisioned that day far in his future, in five to seven years or so. He was still young; he had plenty of time later to get children.
Having a baby now would be too impractical, even if the threat of Dumbledore didn't exist. How could he take care of a child, while he had trouble taking care of himself?
All he wanted to worry about now was whether or not they would win the upcoming Quidditch match; doing his homework well and worrying about Dumbledore's threat. He couldn't worry about a baby as well. He didn't want to be responsible for a life he hadn't been prepared for. Was that awful of him to say?
With everything going on in his life, how could he let a child be born in danger? As long as Dumbledore was still free, he would always be in danger and the old man was too cunning to let himself be caught easily. Having a baby would only bring the baby in danger – what kind of life would that child have if it was constantly in danger of being killed because of who its father was?
But he couldn't decide this on his own. Draco was the other father of this baby and he had as much right as Harry to say what he wanted to do.
He licked his lips and looked up again; Draco turning his head towards him when he saw the movement in his peripheral vision.
"What do you want to do?" Harry asked and continued quickly when Draco looked ready to protest, "I know you said it was my decision, but you're the father as well."
Draco smiled weakly. "I'm fine with whatever you decide, Harry. If you want to keep the baby, we keep it – I'm not going to abandon you."
"And if I remove it?"
"Then I'm okay with that decision," he replied softly. "I just want you to be sure of whatever you decide. I don't want you to regret your decision later on. If you're sure about removing it, then that's fine; we can always get children when we're older."
"So if I want to remove the baby, you won't hate me?" Harry asked, closing his eyes; afraid of the answer he would get.
He tensed when the couch dipped, signalling Draco moving and soon he felt warm arms embracing him, tugging him closer to an equally warm chest.
"I could never hate you, Harry," Draco whispered. "Not even if you want to remove the baby; I'll always love you, no matter what."
He felt his eyes burning – a tell-tale he was on the verge of crying – and quickly buried his face in Draco's shoulder, slipping his own arms around his waist.
"I –it's just … I don't think I'm ready for it. I mean, with school and Dumbledore wanting to get rid of me, it just isn't a good time now to have a baby," he started blabbing, his hands clenching tightly in the soft material of Draco's sweater, bunching it up a little. "A baby would complicate things even more and I don't want it to get hurt by Dumbledore if he knows about it, so …"
"Harry, I understand," Draco interrupted him, his voice calm. "Like I said before: I'll support you whatever you choose."
A strangled sob escaped Harry's throat and he was hugged tighter.
"You don't have to decide now, alright? We can think about it for a little longer. There's no rush," Draco soothed him and Harry nodded.

The week following that Saturday was hell on earth for Harry. His mind was constantly churning, trying to decide what he should do. On one hand he was grateful that Draco hadn't given him an ultimatum, but on the other hand he felt that it would have been easier if Draco had forced him to make a decision instantly, or even simpler, take the decision away from him. He didn't want to make the decision; terrified at the prospect that whatever decision he took, it would end up being the wrong one.
By the time Wednesday arrived, he had been asked by Blaise, Sirius and Remus whether he was feeling well. Blaise had bluntly told him he looked like shit, forgoing the tact his mother had installed in him. And while Harry felt a bit insulted, he knew he looked terrible. Going through four nights with little to no sleep because he couldn't stop brooding, would make most people look terrible. He felt terrible as well. His lack of sleep caused him to make mistakes in class – some so severe like the case was during Potions that the teacher urged him to leave the class and go to the Infirmary.
He never went. If he went to the Infirmary and the nurse did a regular check-up, she would discover his pregnancy and he had to make sure that didn't happen. He didn't know much about the privacy policy in the Wizarding world, but he guessed that this particular nurse would insist on talking to his godfather about it. Sirius knowing about it, right after basically telling them to not do it until they were older, would make the man explode and Harry didn't want to anger his godfather.
Of course if he kept the baby, then he and Draco wouldn't be able to keep it a secret for long – eventually their family would need to hear about it and Harry already paled at the thought of telling Sirius he was expecting a child.
Throughout the week, Draco offered his silent support, letting him know he was there if he wanted to talk, but Harry didn't know what to say to him. Ultimately the decision landed on his shoulders because he was the one carrying the baby. Most evenings were thus spent, wrapped in each other's arms while Harry brooded and Draco caressed his back.
Aside from people noticing he looked sleep deprived and unwell, nobody had a clue as to what really the cause was of his fatigue and Harry was grateful for that. He didn't want anyone else to know about this. Of course he hadn't counted in his pets.

On Friday evening, Harry was curled up on the couch, sipping from a mug filled with warm chocolate milk. Draco had told him he would come by later because Snape wanted to talk to him about something related to potions.
His attention was diverted from the fireplace, where flames were merrily dancing around each other, when Ruby slinked into the room, followed by Garin and Sapphire.
Sapphire immediately jumped next to him on the couch, nestling against his bent legs while Ruby sat down in front of him, Garin resembling some kind of exotic necklace in the way his body was curled around the lion's neck.
"What's wrong, Ruby?" Harry asked curiously when red eyes stared at him.
"Are you going to remove the cub, Master?" Ruby asked without preamble, his tail softly swishing from right to left.
He lowered the mug in shock when his brain translated the word to the one he used. "How do you know about the baby?" he asked sharply, putting his drink down on the small table next to him to avoid spilling it on his legs.
"We can smell the scent of the hatchling," Garin replied, his eyes glowing ominously in the firelight.
"Smell?"
Garin raised his body until his head was on the same height as Harry's. "Yes, the sweet scent of the hatchling," he hissed. "A combination of your scent and the one of your mate."
Harry blinked, strangely stunned at the admission that his pets were able to pick up the scent of something that was even smaller than a pea and had a layer of skin and blood around it.
He licked his lips and decided to answer Ruby's question. "I don't know whether I'm going to keep it," he replied honestly.
Ruby seemed astonished – as far as a lion's face could show astonishment. "Why not? A cub shows your union, shows the bond between you and your mate. Why would you want to remove it?" he wondered.
"Because now isn't exactly a good moment to have a baby – I'm graduating this year, so I'm busy with school and Dumbledore is still out there," Harry pointed out. "What parent would I be if I put the baby in danger as soon as it is born? Or what would happen if Dumbledore manages to kill me? A baby deserves two parents – not one killed or even both dead."
He took a deep breath once he was finished. He was right, wasn't he? He knew how it was to grow up without parents – how could he let a baby go through the same thing? A baby deserved to have both parents raising it – not that he doubted Draco would do a bad job; he'd probably be a wonderful dad.
Ruby turned his head almost upside down and gazed at him. "Helping with school is not possible for us, but we will defend you – the old man won't be able to hurt you, your mate or your cub," he reassured his master.
Harry smiled weakly and softly petted his head. "I know you'll protect us, Ruby, but sometimes risks aren't worth taking," he muttered.
If lions could frown, he was certain Ruby would be doing that now; as it was, he merely sighed heavily and laid down in front of the couch.

The following day, Harry was staring bleary at his breakfast, which consisted of two buttered pieces of toasts with strawberry jam on it and a cup of coffee with sugar and milk. He hadn't slept well – this time it wasn't because he had been lying awake, but because of the nightmare that hadn't let him escape until it was nearly morning.
The nightmare bothered him – he knew it was just a dream; probably conjured by his own troubled mind, but that didn't make him feel better.
The dream had actually started off in a pleasant, if somewhat strange way. He had been sitting in what appeared to be a living room on a soft couch. A fire had been burning on his right, casting various shadows so it had to be night. In front of him, on the floor, was a soft, blue carpet with the blanket Luna gave him spread out over it. On the blanket were some magical blocks strewn around that lighted up with a touch, a moving train and a small castle. A large teddy bear with a blue bow with white spots was tightly held in the small, chubby arms of a toddler, who had midnight black hair, pale skin and clear grey eyes when he looked up. The toddler was chattering in his own baby talk to the bear, squealing whenever the bear growled softly when its belly was pushed.

The dream Harry was looking at the scene with a loving smile on his face, watching his son play. He had turned his head when he heard a door opening and a moment later Draco joined him on the couch, kissing his cheek and splaying one hand on his rounded stomach, whispering something in his ear that he later couldn't remember.
The scene had been lovely – a picture of the perfect family. But then the fire had gone out suddenly, as if extinguished by a spell and the room had darkened. Their son had dropped his teddy bear and had started crying softly, scared at the ominous feeling that seemed to surround the small family. He and Draco had instantly sprung up; Harry grabbing their son to keep him safe while they both had their wands out.
What happened next still made Harry shudder when he thought about it. Dumbledore had appeared in the room out of nowhere, as if he had Apparated and with a calm face he had thrown a curse at Draco that made the blond scream in agony, dropping down on the floor where his hands were clenched around his ears. While Harry stared horrified at the sight of blood streaming out of Draco's ears and mouth, his child had been suddenly tugged out of his reach and ropes had bound him tightly.

His dream turned nightmare seemed to consist of small scenes then; in each scene Dumbledore would smile at him gently, telling him that nobody would have gotten hurt if he had just died like he had been supposed to while he murdered Draco and their child in a different way every time. One time he just used the Killing curse, another time he used a curse that stripped them of their skin and let them bleed to death; in another scene he broke all their bones slowly, leaving the neck and the spine for last … When the dream Harry had lost his voice due to his screaming and pleading, Dumbledore would step forwards every time, conjure a knife and twist it deeply in his stomach, killing his unborn child and leaving him to die slowly from blood loss, staring into the lifeless eyes of his lover and son.
When Harry had finally managed to wake up, he had been bathing in his own sweat; his heart beating so fast he had stupidly thought his heart was trying to escape his chest.
His pets had instantly crowded around him, letting him feel their comfort and all Harry had been able to think of were the lifeless, accusing eyes of Draco and their son, blaming him for their deaths.
The next moment he had rushed to his bathroom, where he proceeded to throw up everything he had had for dinner the other night.
The nightmare had been portraying his greatest fear: that Dumbledore would get a hold of Draco and the baby and would kill them before he finished off Harry.
"Harry, what's wrong?" Draco broke through his thoughts and he looked up startled, right in concerned grey eyes.
He swallowed and swiped his hand across his cheek. "Nothing; just thinking about a nightmare I had last night," he muttered, too tired to think of a small lie.
"You want to talk about it?"
He could feel bile rising up again – and how was that possible when nothing was in his stomach yet? – and he pushed his plate away with a grimace. "I'd rather not," he replied.
Draco opened his mouth, but whatever he wanted to say, was lost when Blaise sat down next to them, opening the Morning Prophet on page two.
"Have you read the news? Apparently the Aurors have some of Nott's relatives in custody and they found three other Death Eaters. The idiots were hiding in one of the houses they used to meet. Can you believe that?" Blaise shook his head incredulously.
"Low or high ranked?" Draco asked, raising one eyebrow and snatched the newspaper out of Blaise's loose hold, ignoring the latter's protest.
"Low ranked," Blaise snorted derisively. "They were probably just important enough to stay in the furthest corner when a meeting was going one I reckon."
Harry read the article together with Draco and had to swallow when the article mentioned that one of the Death Eaters had admitted to planning an assassination on him; the plan had been to lure him out of Hogwarts somehow, kidnap him, torture and kill him before dumping his body in a public place.
He had actually forgotten that there were still Death Eaters out there that the Aurors were searching for. Dumbledore was his greatest worry, because the man was incredibly powerful despite his age, but he should have remembered there might be other people who wanted to take revenge for him getting rid of their master.
He probably could take on most of the remaining Death Eaters if he really had to, because the most dangerous ones were already either behind bars, awaiting their trial or dead. But to be reminded again of how much danger he still was in, just because of who he was, was very unsettling.
A warm weight pressed against his lower back and he managed to hold himself back from squeaking in surprise when he remembered that Ruby was right behind him. He must have sensed his distress through the shared bond and comforted him the only way he could now.
Harry looked back at the photo where a dark haired wizard with tangled, long hair was snarling at the photographer, trying to break free of the Aurors' hold on him. One of his hands drifted slowly to his stomach and he clenched the fabric of his shirt.
He had made his mind up about the baby. This article was the proof he needed to finally make his decision. There was no need to brood on it any longer – he couldn't keep stalling his decision and this article proved that he was in too much danger currently to consider having a child now.
"Harry?" Draco sneaked a glance at his clenched hand and looked at him questioningly.
He took a deep breath and slowly relaxed his hand. "Can we go back to my room? I need to talk to you about something," he muttered.
Draco stilled and then closed the paper, giving it back to a still grumbling Blaise. "Sure," he replied lightly, but his eyes darkened a bit.

Their pets seemed to realize they needed privacy, for they disappeared in Harry's bedroom when they all arrived in his quarters.
Both boys took a seat on the couch and Draco looked at Harry expectantly, though wary. "What do you want to talk about?"
"About the baby."
Draco's fingers twitched and he tensed, letting his breath escape slowly. "You decided what to do?"
Harry nodded and glanced away, finding the flames of the fire more bearable to look at than solemn grey eyes.
"I – it's too dangerous to keep the baby now," he began softly and swallowed. "With Dumbledore and the remaining Death Eaters, it would be too dangerous to have a baby now." He started fiddling with his sleeve and looked down at his lap; finding difficulty meeting Draco's gaze. "A-and I don't think I'm ready for a baby now," he frowned. "I mean we're only just seventeen and there's also school to think of. It's just … now is not the right time." He looked up nervously and finally met grey eyes. "Are you angry at me?" he asked in a small voice.
Draco drew his eyebrows together quizzically. "Why would I be angry at you?" he asked nonplussed.
"Because I don't want the baby now? And … you never said what you wanted to do," Harry replied, anxiety rolling around like a hard ball in his stomach.
Draco shook his head and shifted forwards until he could draw Harry in his arms, pulling him closely to him. A hand slowly rubbed up and down over his back, soothing the tension that had gathered there for a bit.
"Harry, I told you I would follow you whatever you decided. I understand your concern. I'm not going to force you to keep the child or abort it, just because I think that's the best for us," Draco whispered in his ear. "I'm not angry at you; not at all. I just want you to be certain of your decision. Once I make the potion and you take it, there is no going back."
"I know that," Harry whispered back and his eyes started to burn slightly, a desire to cry building up in him. He closed his eyes and pushed his face against Draco's shoulder. "I'm sure; I – I don't want to keep it," a stifled sob escaped his throat. "I'm sorry," he cried and to whom it was directed – Draco or the baby – he didn't know.
The arms around him tightened and Draco put his chin on his shoulder. "You have nothing to be sorry about," he murmured.
Rationally Harry knew he had made the right decision – his life was too dangerous now to allow a baby to be safe in it. So why did his heart feel heavy when Draco told him the potion could be ready tomorrow if he wished that? Why did he have to stifle the urge to cry more when he agreed to take the potion tomorrow; guilt laying as a heavy block on his mind?
And most importantly: why was he getting the feeling he would regret his decision?
I'm sorry, baby; I hope you can forgive me.

The next morning, Sunday, Harry wasn't present at breakfast. The thought of eating breakfast, while maintaining a cheerful façade towards the other Slytherins as to not make them suspicious, made Harry sick when he thought about what he would be doing in two hours.
In just two hours he would take the potion that would abort the small life growing inside of him. Draco was currently busy in Snape's private lab, preparing the potion. They could have ordered it, but that would have drawn too much attention.
Harry was sitting cross legged on his bed, looking at the family album Hagrid had given him during his first year. His fingers absently caressed the photos and he stared longingly at one in particular which featured his parents holding him sitting against a tree. If he had to venture a guess, he'd say the photo was taken when he was around nine months old. Baby Harry was clapping his chubby hands, soundlessly squealing when James tickled his tummy. The seventeen year old Harry wiped away a few stray tears when his mother lovingly kissed his still unmarked forehead.
How different would his life have been if his parents had never been attacked? Would he still have ended up with Draco? Or would he have found another guy or even a girl? How would his parents have reacted if he had to tell them he was pregnant? Would they have supported him no matter what or would they have gotten furious?
All the photo albums on the world and their friends talking about them couldn't fill the hole that their absence left behind in his heart. It was times like these that he wished even more fervently his parents had never been attacked. He would have given practically everything just to have the chance to talk with his parents.
With trembling hands, he closed the photo album and stood up to lock it up in his trunk again.
Left on his own, save for the presence of his loyal pets who surrounded him with worry practically radiating off their bodies, his traitorous mind started questioning his decision again. Was he doing the right thing, aborting the baby?
Of course it was, he argued with himself. He wasn't in a good position now to have a baby. Being in life threatening danger wasn't exactly a good environment for a baby.
Instead of feeling better, however, he felt worse and it was with a heavy heart that he, two hours later, followed Draco to his adjoining bedroom.
"Once you've taken the potion, cramps will start, but that's normal," Draco explained, handing over the vial with the smoking potion in it. Then he hesitated. "You'll also start to bleed, so it's best if … you sit down on the toilet."
"Bleed?" Harry repeated confused and looked at the vial.
Draco shifted his foot and rubbed his left wrist. "Yeah, the bleeding is because your," he cleared his throat, looking uncomfortably, "womb will be completely … cleaned out and that results in some blood loss."
"Oh," Harry swallowed, nausea creeping up again. "Alright, then I'll just go take it," he muttered and turned around.
Before he could open the door of the bathroom, a hand gripped his wrist and he turned his head startled.
"I just want to …" Draco looked lost for a moment. "Just be certain of your decision, alright? I don't want you to get hurt," he whispered.
Harry looked in his eyes and he nodded slowly. "I know," he replied softly.
Lips brushed his forehead and Draco stepped back. "I'll be here if you need me."
He nodded and then stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. After sitting down on the still closed lid of the toilet, he took a deep breath and held the vial up to the light; the dark green liquid swirled ominously in the light of the candles and his hand clenched around it.
This was it. After taking the potion, there would be no going back.
He growled underneath his breath when his trembling fingers refused to corporate and he closed his eyes, forcing himself to calm down. When he felt his hand was steady enough, he uncorked the vial, letting the cork drop on the floor.
Poisonous green met his own emerald gaze and he rubbed his mouth with his free hand; a heavy load of guilt settling itself as a block in his stomach.
The potion seemed to taunt him and he closed his eyes again.
He was doing nothing wrong. His decision was perfectly reasonable – he had to remind himself of that. Nobody expected him to have a child while he was in this much danger. Draco didn't blame him for wanting to abort their child. They could always have children later on, when they were older, right? Nobody said they had to have children when they were this young – they could wait a few years, maybe travel to a couple of countries; taking a break of everything. When Dumbledore was defeated, their lives would be safe enough to think about children.
It wasn't like this determined his ability as a parent. Terminating this pregnancy didn't mean he would be a bad parent later on. He was thinking about his baby's safety after all.
Against his wishes, he began to wonder how this child would have looked like. Would the child have had blond or black hair? Green or grey eyes? His unruly hair or Draco's easily manageable hair? After whom would the child have taken the most?
His mind unwillingly provided him a picture of a pale child with unruly, blond hair and clear emerald green eyes – the perfect mix of them both. Or a child with tame, black hair and grey eyes.
Two tears slid down his cheeks and splashed on his arm. Was he making a big mistake?
Harry stared miserably at the vial and more tears created a salty trail across his face.
He couldn't go back now – he had to make the right decision.
I'm so sorry …
A trembling hand raised the vial and slowly the liquid left its container. A moment later, the vial dropped to the ground and shattered; the small, jagged pieces glinting like tiny shards of diamonds.

"Are you just going to let your cub be removed?" Mara demanded to know and switched off her invisibility, scowling at him with bright eyes.
Draco was leaning against the wall, next to the bathroom door; his arms wrapped around his upraised legs. He looked at her tiredly. "It's not my decision. Harry is the one who has to carry the baby – I can't force him to carry it, if he doesn't want to," he replied and let his head fall back against the wall with a soft thump.
Mara cocked her head, studying his face and he wondered what she saw. "But you want to keep the cub," she stated confidently and her tail thumped heavily on the floor.
He rolled his shoulders and frowned. "I'm not … averse to keeping it, no," he finally muttered.
She took a step closer, bowing her head a little. Her ice cold breath caressed his face when she spoke and he shivered.
"Then why aren't you stopping your mate?"
He looked at her passively. "I already told you: I'm not going to force Harry to keep the baby if he doesn't feel ready for it. His reasons for not keeping it are valid, Mara. We're both in danger because of the old coot and a baby would probably make it more dangerous," he answered calmly. "We can always get children when we're older."
"I wonder if you and your mate will be able to handle the regret you'll feel soon," she murmured and before Draco could say anything, she disappeared; joining Harry's pets in his bedroom.
Sullenly he sunk back down against the wall and glared at the floor. Mara and the other pets seemed to think it was as easy as flying to keep the baby. They didn't seem to comprehend that he and Harry didn't deem it safe enough to have a baby now. Both boys knew their pets were able to defend them when it was needed, but why take risks?
But he couldn't deny that his heart constricted with pain at the thought that soon the life they had created would disappear. Rationally he knew this was the right choice, but he couldn't help but wondering how their lives would have looked like if they had decided to keep the baby. To have their love physically represented in the form of a baby …
He didn't resent Harry for making this decision, however. He couldn't hate him for removing their baby; he loved him too much to even get angry at him. He'd rather that the pregnancy was terminated than that Harry felt miserable throughout the whole pregnancy and could end up resenting their baby.
Besides they still had other chances. They had plenty of time later to have children. A time when it would be safe to have children. Unlike now.
Angrily he wiped at his eyes, refusing to believe that tears had gathered there. They would get through this. He wouldn't allow this to tear them apart.
Suddenly the sound of glass shattering came through the closed door and instantly Draco was on his feet, knocking on the wooden door.
"Harry, are you alright?" he asked worriedly.
No reply.
"Harry?"
Straining his ears, he could hear soft whimpers in the bathroom. "Harry, I'm coming in, okay?" he warned him and a hurried 'Alohomora' later, the door opened with a soft click and he slipped inside, freezing when his eyes encountered the floor first.
The sound of shattering glass had come from the vial that had apparently fallen on the floor; various small, jagged pieces were strewn across the floor, glinting in the soft candle light – while they laid in a steadily spreading pool of green potion.
"Harry?" he whispered and took a tentatively step forwards.
Harry slowly raised his head and stared at him, green eyes brimming brightly with tears while his arms were clenched around his stomach. "I – I couldn't do it. I'm sorry; I just – I just couldn't do it," he cried silently, his voice muffled by the sobs he was undoubtedly pushing back. "I know I should have taken it, but, but I can't kill our baby. I just can't. I'm sorry!"
Relief, as sweet as the sweetest Elven wine, shot through him at hearing Harry's confession and in one large step he was in front of Harry, who was still seated on the toilet and he knelt down, not caring whether the potion soaked into his trousers or not. Softly he gripped Harry's hands and pulled them out of their clenched grip, covering them with his own.
"Sssh, everything is going to be okay," he murmured and kissed Harry's right hand, hearing his breath hitch. "I'm not angry at all. I told you, you should choose what you want. We're going to keep the baby, okay?"
"A-are you sure?" Harry stared at him with uncertain eyes, fear lurking in the back of them.
"Yes, I'm certain," he weakly smiled. "I'm happy you decided to keep the baby."
"But what about our family? School? Dumbledore?" Harry began to sound slightly hysterical and Draco quickly hugged him, hearing his heart beating madly.
"Calm down – we'll figure something out, alright? Everything is going to be okay, I promise," Draco swore and raised a hand to caress Harry's tearstained cheek. "It will be okay, you'll see."
Harry said nothing and instead met him in a kiss when he raised his head; his whimpers swallowed by Draco's lips.
While their mouths were joined, two hands found their place on Harry's stomach: one pale and one slightly tanned. They found each other and linked their hands, covering Harry's stomach where the fruit of their love was slowly, but surely, growing.
The upcoming months wouldn't be easy, but together they would make it through them. That was an unspoken promise.

AN2: So, how was it? I promised a good ending in the beginning and I delivered it. I have to admit though that this was one of the most difficult chapters I had to write until now. I hope I managed to keep it fairly realistically ... Please leave a review behind with your thoughts!
On a side note: I was so incredibly tempted to let the chapter end at the part where Harry is in the bathroom, right before the scene switches to Draco. It would have made for a very suspenseful cliffhanger, and it was so tempting to let it end there, but then I figured I couldn't put my readers through the tension, so I ignored the temptation and let it end when the answer was clear. I'm actually a bit proud of myself for resisting that temptation _
Anyway the next chapter will be called: Informing the family
See you all in the next chapter!
Cuddles
Melissa
- 7
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- 9
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Survival of the fittest