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Coming of Age (Female Potter)	By : stargazer67 Category: HP Canon Characters paired with Original Characters > Het - Male/Female Views: 11700 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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After another visit or two from him, she finds that she’s actually looking forward to them. And even though he won’t fully admit it even to himself, he is as well. The tactile contact, even as limited and somewhat clinical as it is, answers a primal and basic human need that consciously he’s not even aware of having; and it’s also one that he’s categorically denied himself for most of his life.
On his next visit, before he starts, she asks, “Is there any way you can teach me this? I may never have any reason to use it, but it’s so effective; I’d hate to have a reason sometime and know that I could have learned it but didn’t.”
He considers it for a moment and says, “Possibly.”
This time while he’s working on her, he explains everything he’s doing, as he’s doing it. When he’s done, she asks him to wait while she gets dressed, and he says he’ll be in the study.
Rejoining him there, she says, “I think I understand, but it’s still kind of hard to visualize.”
He takes her arm and tries to demonstrate a bit, but it’s not really the same. He says, “I’ll bring something to change into next time, and I will talk you through doing it on me; I should be able to direct you well enough.”
She nods, glad that he’s willing to teach her, and he departs.

The next time, after he’s finished (again explaining each step as he’s doing it), he goes into the bathroom to change while she gets dressed. When he comes out, in just a long, loose pair of shorts, she is surprised by his body. He is more solidly built than Sirius was; broader and much more muscular chest and arms, and with some chest hair where Sirius was completely smooth.
He sees her taking in his body with her eyes and momentarily takes a competitive enjoyment in it – knowing that she’s likely making a natural mental comparison to the only other bare-chested adult man he assumes that she’d have ever seen. He knows that Sirius never fully lost the emaciation from his years at Azkaban, so Snape is pretty certain that he should be coming out ahead by comparison; and he can’t help the unworthy thought that at least he can finally best his rival at something.
Her eyes then travel to the Dark Mark on his arm, which of course she knew he had but has never seen, since he’s always been covered head to toe at school. He frowns and quickly lays down on his stomach on the bed when he sees what she’s looking at.
He tells her how to begin; and as she places her hands on him, he surprises himself with a sudden arousal that he’s very glad she cannot see. But, as she refines the techniques he’s giving her, it subsides as his whole body slides into a complete state of relaxation; and he falls asleep, at peace in a way that he rarely has been at any point since the threat against Lily years ago, when he begged Dumbledore to save her.
Evie is somewhat amused by her first-time level of success, and decides that she’ll let him sleep – he looks like he needs it. She goes over and picks up a book, settling into an armchair to read, but soon is distracted by Snape moaning in his sleep.
Snape has always known that this is one of his greatest dangers – he sometimes talks in his sleep. While his waking mind and even face are well-guarded at all times, his sleeping mind occasionally is not; and as such, he has devised himself a potion to take (whenever he will be sleeping away from home or with any other people nearby who might hear him), that both dampens his dreams and renders him nearly mute until he wakes up. But, not having expected to fall asleep here, he has no such protections, and he voices his dream.
Evie can tell even by his indistinct words that he’s reliving the loss he had told her of; just as she so often relives Sirius’s death in dreams herself. She still doesn’t know who he lost, or when, or why – but she certainly recognizes the emotion of it very well. Without even thinking about it, she goes over and climbs onto the bed, stretching out next to him. She smoothes his hair (surprised at how silky it is to the touch), talking to him in a low voice and telling him that she’s right there.
What happens when she says this is completely unexpected – he turns over and (eyes still closed), his face transforms into an expression of wonder. Clearly still dreaming, he says, “Is it really you?” She doesn’t know how to respond to that but says again, “It’s okay, I am here…” and he opens his arms and pulls her to him gently, which shocks her but she has no idea what she should do. He nestles her against him with the most incredible smile she’s ever seen; even more incredible given that she’s never seen him smile before at all.
She finally decides that it would be unbearably cruel to wake him at this point, to drag him back into the world from the wonderful visions that are making him smile like that, so she relaxes against him; figuring she can get back up in a few minutes when he’s more deeply asleep again.
However, she finds her own eyes growing heavy very quickly, still relaxed from her own massage earlier. She also has missed sleeping with Sirius’s arms around her more than she realized; and soon they are both peacefully and deeply asleep.

Snape wakes first, feeling more refreshed than he has for years. He comes to slowly, and the realization of where he is, and that there is another body next to him, does not immediately register. When it does and he opens his eyes and sees Evie snuggled up with him, his arm around her protectively, he is absolutely shocked, fortunately initially into immobility vs. action until his mind can catch up. He has no idea how they ended up this way, but he hopes that if he can move slowly enough, maybe he can at least get out of the bed without waking her.
He vaguely remembers his dream of Lily, first of finding her dead and then suddenly, gloriously alive and in his arms, easing his fears and telling him that she is there. Even the vague memory makes him smile momentarily, but he still isn’t sure that it explains how he and Evie ended up this way. She might have just laid down on the other side of the bed and fallen asleep, and then gravitated to him in her sleep simply because he was there, because of course she’d have been accustomed to sleeping with another person for longer than she’s had to get accustomed to sleeping alone again.
But, given the sudden change of direction in his dream (which has never happened before in all the times he’s had that dream, and there have been many), he’s afraid that he was talking and she came to him, and he pulled her to him, in parallel with his dream actions. He wonders how much he might have said, and whether she knows now that her mother was his lost love.
He’s still trying to figure out a way he can extricate himself from the bed without waking her, when she opens her eyes. The look she gives him is infinitely gentle and compassionate and it touches him deeply. Still, his first thought is ‘escape’, and he lets go of her and sits up. She also sits up, and as he’s getting up she says, “I’m so sorry, I…”, and trails off. She looks nearly as embarrassed as he feels right now himself when he steals a glance at her, and that makes him curious enough to stay where he is, wanting to know what she was going to say.
She says, “You were dreaming, and…” He grimaces a bit at this, afraid of what’s coming when she trails off again, but she gathers her courage and continues, “…and you were clearly in so much pain, and…well, as you said before, we both know too well how painful it is. I came over and told you that it was okay, I was here, and you smiled then, and it just seemed so cruel to wake you…I was just going to stay there for a moment until you were more deeply asleep again, but to be honest, it was…well, it was kind of a comfort to me, too, and I just fell asleep. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude or be so familiar…” She finally looks at him as she trails off again, her look saying that she hopes he isn’t angry with her.
He is at least relieved that she’s made no mention of her mother, so apparently he never said her name. He’s honestly not sure what to say or do though, and his mind travels at light speed through a lot of conflicting feelings.
It isn’t lost on him that her first instinct was to comfort him. The way her mother instinctively would have, at least before things went so wrong between them. He hasn’t had anything even remotely like that from anyone since Lily turned so completely away from him; Dumbledore has been sympathetic, certainly, but not particularly comforting.
But, the instincts of a whole lifetime are absolutely screaming at him to push her away, to get away, to re-cloak himself in his impenetrable armor NOW, before any damage can be done. He fights it down with a supreme effort and, still not looking at her, he says in a flat voice, “I am certain that we can both just chalk it up to unfortunate circumstance. You appear to be doing much better, so let’s give it a while and see how you do.”
She nods, clearly miserable, and he feels somewhat guilty that he’s still being rather cold to her; but his instinct to get away is just too strong and he leaves as soon as he’s changed clothes, without saying anything more to her.
Evie sheds a few tears after he leaves, feeling rather alone again all the sudden, she thinks mainly from just the loss of regular human contact to look forward to. She’s not sure he will actually come back, and since she hasn’t had any attacks recently, he wouldn’t necessarily have any reason to. For a moment, a defensive internal voice derisively asks her what she has to feel sorry about; he was the one who pulled her to him, he should be the one apologizing to her.
But, another voice asks her to imagine waking from a dream where she’s gotten Sirius back again, one of those dreams that seems so real that even hours afterwards it’s hard to convince yourself that it wasn’t real; and not only having to deal with the immediate ‘loss’ on waking all over again, but also having to deal with finding yourself in a very awkward situation on top of that. And it was without a doubt awkward, for both of them.
She decides she’ll just wait and see what happens. She smiles for a moment at the random thought that anyone she knows would think she was positively off her rocker, for being unhappy about any situation that caused them to be spending less time with Professor Snape…
- 7
- 8
- 9
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Coming of Age (Female Potter)