Adult-FanFiction.org : Harry Potter

Carry on my Wayward Son	By : BlackDawnRose Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Voldemort Views: 18789 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 9
Disclaimer: I do not own HP or make any money from this work of fiction

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Hi all, sorry for the long wait I've had a lot going on including buying a house. We're moving soon so I wanted to get an update out before we moved because I'm not sure how long it will be before we have internet access again. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter but I wanted to get it posted. I hope you enjoy it.

Outburst

Dinner was awkward for all of them. The Dark Lord was unsettled about something which had them all on edge and when the meal was over the man retreated to his study after ordering all of them not to follow, Harry included. Harry retreated to the library with Severus, the two of them dropping down on a couch with a book each. It was a companionable silence between them Harry was happy to note, and after a few minutes of reading he decided to do something a little unorthodox to see what would happen.

He got up from his couch and moved over to the one Severus was occupying, sitting down beside the man, but not close enough to invade his personal space. He kept his attention focused on the book in his hands, but he could see Severus looking at him out of the corner of his eye.

For a moment the man just studied him, then he returned to his reading without comment which made Harry smile. They had an adversarial past, nothing would ever change that, but since finding out about Lilly’s letter they’d both been making an effort to be kinder to each other and it was at the point where Harry felt true affection for the man; he hoped Severus felt it for him as well.

He’d just gotten back into reading the book he’d picked up when he felt Severus’ hand gently stroke the hair on the back of his head. He didn’t say anything, not wanting to make the man feel uncomfortable about his actions, but he smiled warmly into his book. It was nice to feel cared about.

XX

Nagini allowed Tom ten minutes alone in his study before following after him. He’d come out of his conversation with Severus just fine, but somewhere between Nagini leaving him to find some sun and the man meeting up with her and Harry again in the garden, Tom had become agitated about something and the agitation only grew stronger as the evening progressed. He’d requested solitude when he’d left dinner and she’d let him go, knowing everybody needed alone time sometimes. But she couldn’t stay away long, she was too worried about him.

She squeezed under the study door and spotted him immediately, pacing the floor from one end of the room to the other, muttering to himself angrily.

“Tom, what is wrong?” Nagini asked worriedly.

“I told you to leave me alone!” the man snapped angrily.

“And I did for a time, but I am worried for you. I do not understand this agitation you are feeling and I am unaccustomed to not understanding your feelings. What has happened to upset you so?”

He stopped pacing and fixed her with a glare. “Are you in on it too?”

“In on what?”

“This plot, or whatever it is by that blasted child to ruin me!” Tom snarled.

“Tom, you are not making sense,” Nagini said confused.

“Oh am I not? You were outside cuddling with Potter this afternoon so I know you’re cosy with him!”

“He protected me, Tom, that’s a big deal and you know it. I’ve also made it clear that I like the hatchling. I have not kept this a secret from you, nor have you kept your own liking for the hatchling a secret from me. What does this have to do with anything?” she asked.

“What? Well that’s the question of the day now isn’t it, what? Like what the hell is going on here? What in the name of Merlin has that boy done to me? What was in that damned liquid he gave me and how the hell am I going to fix it?”

“It was a healing liquid, he showed you his own memories of that night, Tom, why would you think he’s lying?” Nagini asked.

“BECAUSE LOOK AT ME!” the man screamed angrily. “I’M FEELING GUILTY AND REMORSEFUL. I AM BEING KIND TO PEOPLE, EVEN HARRY BLOODY POTTER WHO I’VE WANTED TO KILL FOREVER AND DEATH EATERS WHO HAVE ALREADY FAILED ME AND TURNED AWAY FROM ME. I AM THE DARK LORD FOR MERLIN’S SAKE, I DO NOT HAVE REGRETS, I DO NOT FEEL GUILT AND I AM NOT NICE. I KILL PEOPLE AND HURT PEOPLE, I DO NOT DO KIND THINGS FOR THEM AND I CERTAINLY DO NOT LIKE THEM OR WANT THEM TO LIKE ME. THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT, I KNOW IT IS, AND I SHOULD GO IN THERE AND CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT BUT I CAN’T, BECAUSE AS IMPOSSIBLE AS IT IS I WANT HIM TO LIKE ME AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE NEVER WILL I STILL CAN’T DO IT!”

With a wave of his hand he sent everything on his desk crashing to the floor. Another wave sent the chairs flying in all directions and another smashed the windows behind him.

When the destruction was over Nagini slithered over to the man and slid up his body, knowing he’d never push her away out of fear that she wouldn’t come back. She wrapped herself around his shoulders and nuzzled his cheek, feeling his heartbeat start to slow and his breathing even out. He sank slowly to the floor, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly against him.

“What is wrong with me, Nagini?” he whispered and she could hear fear in his voice.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, Tom,” she told him truthfully.

“But I’m feeling guilty, I’ve never felt guilty about anything in my life and I … I like someone, other than my old friends. He’s supposed to be my hated enemy, I’m not supposed to like him. There must be something wrong with me.”

“Tom that healing liquid is very strong, evidently, maybe it healed things that you never knew were broken,” she suggested as gently as she could.

“Then why didn’t I feel like this as soon as I drank it?” he asked.

“I don’t know, you humans have strange brains I can’t tell you how they work. Maybe long term damage takes longer to fix. I’m not a mind healer, Tom, maybe you need to find one to ask.”

“Maybe … I don’t feel like me anymore.” His voice sounded so small as he said the words.

“You still seem like you to me, Tom, in all the ways that matter at least,” Nagini assured him. “Do you still want to overthrow the ministry?”

“Yes.”

“Do you still want to remove muggles from the magical world?”

“Yes.”

“Do you still want to kill Dumbledore?”

“Yes.”

“See, you’re fine. So you like someone, that’s not bad, don’t a lot of you humans say there’s supposed to be someone out there for everyone? The hatchling has the same phoenix feather wand as you, maybe that’s because he’s your match,” Nagini suggested.

“I don’t believe in those things,” Tom argued.

“Just because you don’t believe it doesn’t mean it’s not true. Mice are delicious, whether you think so or not.” He chuckled at that, which had been her aim. “You spent a good long while believing a prophecy made by a mad woman, that’s far more outrageous an idea if you ask me.”

“You may be right, darling.”

“I’m always right,” she reminded him, prompting another chuckle. “You should go to bed, perhaps you’ll feel better about everything after some sleep,” she suggested.

“I’m too agitated to sleep,” he grumbled.

“Well … Moody is still down in the dungeons,” Nagini reminded him and Tom smiled.

“You are right, my love, however could I have forgotten.” He allowing her to slide off his body as he moved toward the door. “Care to join me for a little torture, dearest?”

“I never say no to torture,” she agreed, proceeding him through the door when he opened it. As he shut the door behind him and turned to head down the corridor she shot up to her full height and looked him in the eyes. “See, I told you you were fine.”

He smiled evilly back at her and followed her down to the dungeons. She hadn’t been lying when she said she enjoyed a good torture session, but as she watched him work that night her mind was elsewhere. In fact it was several floors up where she hoped Harry was currently sleeping.

Tom needed the boy, she knew that now. She had to make sure he didn’t go anywhere and nothing happened to him. She wasn’t entirely sure how to bring that about, but she was going to work it out, because she could see that small sliver of light within her wizard glowing brighter and growing within him and it was all because of Harry.

XX

Harry and Severus were still reading when Harry felt Voldemort approaching the library. He left the couch and took the book back over to the shelves to put away. He’d already wanted to go to bed and if Voldemort wanted him for anything he wanted to be able to leave the room without holding the man up.

“What is it?” Severus asked.

“He’s coming,” Harry replied simply, knowing Severus would understand. He’d just slipped the book back in the book shelf when the Dark Lord walked into the room. He caste his eyes over Severus before moving to Harry and Harry wasn’t sure whether he should be relieved that the man seemed less on edge or worried about why.

“I am retiring to my room for the evening, Harry, what are your plans?” he asked quietly.

“I was about to go to bed myself, My Lord,” Harry replied honestly.

“Come along then,” Voldemort ordered and Harry headed for the door. “Good evening, Severus,” the man said in parting, following Harry from the room.

They walked in silence for several moments, in the end it was the dark lord who broke it. “You care for young Draco don’t you?”

Harry was surprised by the question, but he answered the man honestly. “I do, My Lord. Does that displease you?” he asked worriedly.

“No, I just find it odd that he and Severus weren’t included in your list. I know you care for Severus as well so I was curious as to why that is.”

“Well, when I first presented you with the contract to sign we hadn’t spoken much about why I was here. I didn’t want to name them on the list in case you thought they’d betrayed you when they hadn’t,” Harry explained truthfully. Voldamort stopped walking and before Harry knew what was happening the man had his back pressed up against the wall and his face tilted up so he could delve into Harry’s mind. Harry didn’t struggle or resist in any way, he hadn’t been lying and he knew the dark lord would see that. He felt the intrusion into his mind and grimaced slightly. He couldn’t imagine ever being comfortable with someone else in his mind, although it was a lot less unpleasant that the last time had been and he knew it was because the man was being gentler.

He was obviously happy with what he saw because he pulled back from Harry’s mind rather quickly and gently stroked his cheek before moving back out of his personal space.

“Let’s get to bed shall we,” he suggested and continued walking. Harry fell immediately into step behind him, rather used to the abrupt changes of action by now.

The man’s current mood swings were baffling Harry. It was almost as if Voldemort were fluctuating between hating him and liking him; it was confusing as hell.

When they reached Voldemort’s room Harry asked, as he always did, whether the man required anything further from him. When Voldemort declined the offer he bid him good night and headed for his own room.

He closed the door behind him and headed for the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth, grabbing some pyjamas from the cupboard on his way past. He slipped off his robe and was about to throw it into the hamper when he felt something in the pocket. Surprised he reached inside and withdrew the vial of healing liquid, remembering only then that Voldemort had handed it to him after he’d given some to Lucius that day.

He thought about waiting until the following morning to give it back to the other man, but he didn’t want Voldemort to remember it during the night and think Harry meant to keep it from him. The Lord had already seemed on edge around Harry that day, he didn’t want to make it any worse.

He knocked quietly on the door that separated their rooms before pushing it slowly open. The candlelights had all been extinguished leaving the room bathed in the light of the almost full moon. “My Lord,” Harry called in a whisper and when he received no response he moved over to the cupboard where Voldemort kept the healing liquid and pulled it open, placing the vial back where it belonged and closing the cupboard once more. He was moving to head back to his room when he heard a quiet noise come from the bed and he glanced round to see the man now lying on his side, the moonlight illuminating his face and making it look almost ethereal. For a moment Harry just looked at him, taken in by the man’s almost angelic beauty.

If Harry didn’t know he was the Dark Lord he would swear the man was a fallen angel, he was far too beautiful of a creature to be human. He looked a lot more at peace while he slept as well, like the weight of the world had been completely lifted from his shoulders and nothing at all could touch him. It made Harry smile to see him like that, everybody should be able to let go and relax once in a while, even the Dark Lord. With the smile still in place he turned and headed back into his room closing the door behind him and climbing into bed himself. It was funny, he’d honestly never imagined the Dark Lord sleeping at all, although of course he knew everyone did. Somehow it just made him seem so … human.

He snuffed out the candle and settled down to sleep, wondering what the next few weeks would entail and thinking about his friends back home and what they were doing now.

Meanwhile from the other side of the door a pair of blood red eyes slid open, the owner of those eyes wondering just what his right hand was doing in his room so late at night. He moved silently out of the bed and over to the cupboard he’d heard Harry approaching, the one where he kept his most important potions and spell books. He pulled it open and scanned the contents for anything that might be missing. Finding nothing he closed the cupboard and headed back to bed, puzzled. He decided he’d wait to see if Harry mentioned anything about it tomorrow, if not he’d ask the boy himself what he’d been up to.

XX

Breakfast the following morning was a little less strained than dinner had been, but Harry could still feel an edginess to the Dark Lord and he knew the others around the table felt it too. He seemed to be watching Harry and waiting for something, and Harry wondered if perhaps the dark Lord hadn’t looked in his cupboard and seen that harry had returned the healing liquid yet. He didn’t want to bring it up at breakfast where the other death eaters would hear, so he ate his breakfast silently and decided to tell Voldemort when they moved to the parlour for their morning planning meeting.

When Voldemort had finished his meal and dismissed everyone else from the table he ordered Severus and the Malfoys to head to the parlour before ordering Harry to follow him to another room. As soon as they reached a quiet room and the door was closed the man spoke.

“You were in my room last night, young one, why?” he asked quietly.

Harry fought away the blush that threatened to cover his face. He hadn’t thought the man was awake, had he caught Harry staring at him? “I was returning your healing liquid, My Lord,” Harry replied honestly. “When I was changing for the evening I realised I still had it. I was going to wait until this morning to return it, but I didn’t want you to wonder if I was trying to keep it from you. I’m sorry for intruding on your privacy, My Lord,” he apologised humbly.

Voldemort studied him shrewdly for several moments. “Come closer, Harry,” he eventually said, and Harry knew what the man wanted. He moved forward and looked up into the man’s blood red eyes, offering his mind for reading without being ordered. Voldemort raised an eyebrow at Harry, although Harry couldn't tell if he was surprised or amused by Harry’s assumption.

He took Harry’s face gently in a hand and slipped the mask off before entering his mind. Harry tensed as he always did at the violation, but didn’t offer any resistance. When Voldemort pulled back after several seconds Harry felt himself relax and he was expecting the man to move away but he didn’t. His ruby eyes studied Harry’s face instead, taking in every feature, while his hand still held Harry's face in place. Harry didn’t know what the Lord found or what decision he’d come to in those moments, but when he pulled away he seemed somewhat grim and oddly satisfied at the same time.

“Shall we join the others,” Voldemort said, heading for the door. Harry followed after him, pausing when they reached the door for Voldemort to place his mask back on his face. When they arrived in the parlour Voldemort sat down in one of the couches and addressed them all. “I think it’s time for a mission,” he said. “There is a young, magical child whose existence I have only just been made aware of. Her magical parents have passed within the last year and her muggle caregiver has been raising her. That in and of itself would be unacceptable, but it has also been brought to my attention that she is mistreating the young girl quite severely.”

Harry felt his blood boil hearing those words and he could see he wasn’t the only one.

“A group of death eaters will go to her house this evening and retrieve her. I don’t care what is done with her guardian as long as the child is retrieved. Severus.”

“Yes, My Lord,” Severus replied.

“You will lead this mission. Take as many death eaters as you like as well as my right hand. It is time he went on his first mission for me,” Voldemort directed.

Severus agreed and asked the lord for as many specifics as he could get. Harry listened to all the information, trying to keep the butterflies in his stomach contained. He knew this moment would come, he’d been expecting it for a while now but that didn’t make it any less nerve racking for him. He was relieved that at least he wasn’t being ordered to attack innocent people. If this little girl was being abused he would be more than happy to help retrieve her.

The rest of the day was spent planning with the three other death eaters Severus chose. Among them were the Lestrange brothers, neither of whom seemed even remotely bothered by Bellatrix’ continued imprisonment. They, along with Severus and Harry, went over all the information hey had, which included a map their ministry contact had provided.

When night fell they had dinner and headed out, Harry’s robes and mask exchanged for pure black ones that would blend into the darkness. The group strode together to the edge of the manor’s anti-apparition wards and disappeared with barely a pop to be heard. They appeared in some thick trees not far from an old farm house and spread out, closing in on the house from all directions as they had discussed earlier that day. Harry wasn’t far from Severus, the Lord wanting the potions master to keep a close eye on him for his first mission.

As they neared the building Harry heard a loud smack echo through the night followed by a child crying. A female voice was then heard from within the house yelling at the child over something. Harry couldn’t stop the anger he felt building up within him. He wanted to treat the awful woman to exactly the same kind of cruelty as she was dishing out to an innocent child. He knew exactly how that felt and he wouldn’t allow anyone to get away with hurting another child as he’d been hurt.

When everyone was in position Severus sent the signal to attack and they all closed in on the house, blowing through doors, windows, walls, whatever was needed to get into the house and reach the child. As Harry entered through a door he saw the woman with her hand poised to hit the girl who was cowering in a corner, crying. His job was to get the child and retreat. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, but he followed Severus’ orders to the letter, knowing they’d been given for a reason.

The woman looked over at them with wide eyes and before she could say anything a spell from Severus’ wand sent her flying back into a nearby wall. Harry raced to the little girl’s side and scooped her up, talking calmingly to her as he carried her out of the house and away from the nightmare she’d been living in.

“Everything’s going to be okay. Nobody’s going to hurt you anymore,” he told her softly. The little girl clung to him, sobbing into his shoulder and he rubbed her back softly, whispering further reassurances. A minute later Severus and the others joined him outside the house and after taking a quick head count Severus handed them all a portkey to take hold of and tapped it three times with his wand to activate it. The last thing Harry saw before they disappeared from the yard was the muggle house going up in flames.

They appeared in the house of a pureblooded healer named Dimitrov, who Harry had only met briefly when he’d come to the manor to begin Draco’s training. Harry watched as he gave the girl a calming draught and looked her over. Harry was disgusted to see the number of cuts and bruises littering her small body but he was pleased to see how efficiently the healer took care of the damage.

A short time into the healing a couple Harry didn’t recognise arrived to see the girl. As they introduced themselves to Harry and rest of the gathered death eaters, Harry found out they were from France and were there to take the girl home with them to raise as their own. They seemed like nice people and Harry was glad the girl was going to a better home.

When everything was settled and the healing was complete the new family were introduced to the girl, who looked like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing and Harry and the others apparated back to Slytherin manor to report to Voldemort. He was pleased with the outcome and dismissed all but Harry and Severus, waiting until they had all shuffled from the room, relief evident on their faces, to address the pair.

“How did Harry go, Severus?” he asked.

“Very well, My Lord. He worked perfectly within the confines of my instructions and performed his part flawlessly,” Severus replied.

“Very good, Severus, I am very pleased with your work this evening. You may retire to your room now, I would like to speak to Harry alone,” he instructed. Severus bowed to Voldemort and left the room. Once they were alone and the door was shut Voldemort studied him closely. Harry didn’t say anything, waiting patiently for whatever it was the Dark Lord wanted to speak to him about.

“You seem rather displeased there, Harry, did something about this evening bother you?” he asked, surprising Harry greatly.

He thought about how he should answer that, and decided to tell the truth. “I don’t like seeing children abused, My Lord, it bothers me a great deal.”

“As it does me, young one,” the Lord replied. “I would expect it should bother any decent human being, however your disgust seems a little more personal than that. Care to tell me why?”

No Harry did not want to tell him why, but he doubted it was a question. “I would prefer not to discuss it, My Lord, however you know I will not deny you should you order the information from me.” he replied truthfully.

Voldemort studied him for several moments before saying, “I’d rather not order the information from you, Harry, but I also think as you will be going on these missions in the future it would be best to share this information with me.”

He wasn’t demanding even though he knew perfectly well he could, and because of that Harry told him about the Dursleys. He told him about the cupboard, the starvation, the constant teasing and belittling of him through his life. He told him how he was never supposed to go to those people at all but Dumbledore ignored his mothers will and sent him there anyway. He explained how he’d told the headmaster about what happened to him and the man had done nothing about it.

When he was finished the Lord was silent for several moments before leaving his throne and walking down to stand in front of Harry. He placed a gentle hand on Harry’s shoulder and said, “My own childhood was not all that different and perpetrated by muggles like your own. It is one of the reasons I am so adamant about removing them and their influence from our world. Wizzarding parents would never treat their children that way. They might be harsh on them at times, but you would never see a parent in this world deny their child food or the basic necessities of life, they value their children far too highly to do anything of the kind. Abraxas Malfoy was a cruel man, but he never treated Lucius the way those muggles treated you, he wouldn’t have even considered it. They’re a disease, and I don’t want it infesting our world.”

“They’re not all like that,” Harry argued. “There are some good ones out there.”

“Perhaps, I am happy enough to leave them alone in their world as long as they stay out of ours.”

“My friend, Hermione, her parents are both muggles and they’re good and decent people. They’ve never been cruel to her about her magical abilities, they’ve supported her through it all. I understand you don’t want muggle customs and ideas creeping into this world and I also understand why, but I don’t think excluding all muggles is right when there are some decent people out there who truly want their children to be happy and well and who have no interest in harming our world.”

Voldemort considered him for a long time, then he spoke, “Unfortunately it only takes one person to spread a disease, and while you might be right how do we know who that person is going to be?”

“Magical monitoring,” Harry replied, having already discussed something similar with Hermione over the years. “Place monitoring charms on the magical children and have a magical department whose job it is to spend time with the children as they grow up. They can teach them about our world and our ways and then, when they first come to magical school, they're not overwhelmed by it all and aren’t falling back on their muggle upbringing to guide them through it all.”

Voldemort looked thoughtful and slightly amused. “You’ve given this some prior thought haven’t you?” he asked.

“I have actually,” Harry replied honestly. “I never wanted another magical child to grow up like I did.”

Voldemort nodded and Harry could see understanding in his eyes. “I shall consider your proposal, but for now I am going down to bed. Are you coming?” he asked.

Harry agreed and followed him out of the room. “The little girl, is she going to be okay?” Harry asked as they walked.

“She will be well cared for, I have made sure of it,” Voldemort replied.

“Good,” Harry said with a nod.

“How did you find the raid this evening? I’m sure it was a little odd for you.”

“It was different,” Harry replied. “Although I was in perfect agreement with doing it, so that made it easier.”

“Yes I would imagine so. I thought it best to ease you into these things, other raids won’t be quite so … to your taste I imagine.”

“No I’m assuming not.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Voldemort asked.

“It doesn’t really matter does it?” Harry asked. “I will go and I will do as ordered, you know I’ll never disobey or betray you.”

“Yes indeed,” Voldemort replied, studying him closely. “In fact you are the only one who can truthfully say that, and isn’t that the oddest turn of events ever to occur?”

“It certainly is for me,” Harry replied as they reached Voldemort’s door. “Although if I’m being honest, regardless of what’s ahead of me, I’d much rather be here than back with the order.”

Voldemort seemed surprised by his admission, “Is that so? Why?”

“You don’t lie to me,” Harry began, deciding to be honest with the man. “I know exactly where I stand. I know you’ll probably have things you want me to do that I don’t particularly like, but you’ll be direct about it. We are what we are, you’re the master and I’m the servant, there’s no lying or pretending we’re something else. Maybe that sounds crazy but I prefer the honesty to the lies, regardless of what else comes with it.”

“No it doesn’t sound crazy,” Voldemort replied. “But I would have thought you’d prefer your freedom to having every action dictated to you.”

“I’ve never been free, My Lord, I wouldn’t even know what it feels like,” Harry admitted with a shrug. Voldemort looked honestly shocked by his answer and Harry smiled sadly. “If I wasn’t the Dursleys slave I was Dumbledore’s,” he explained, "One lot neglected me, belittled me, lied to me beat me and starved me, the other used me, lied to me, conspired against me behind my back and tried to control my life, all the while pretending to be my friend. Both of them used me as their slave in one way or another, at least my servitude to you was my choice; so dictate away, I handed my life to you expecting just that.”

When Voldemort seemed as a loss for words Harry spoke again. “Is there anything further you require from me, My Lord?”

“No,” the man replied simply and Harry bowed to his lord, bidding the man good night before retreating to his room.

XX

Nagini had been out hunting mice most of the evening and upon her return she headed straight for Tom’s room, ready to curl up in bed with her human and sure he would be there by now. She slipped under the door and looked up to see Tom sitting up in bed, still in his day robes, obviously lost in thought.

“What’s wrong Tom?” she asked snapping him out of his thoughts and bringing his attention to her.

“Good evening, dearest, how was your hunt?” he asked.

“Fine. What’s wrong?” she asked, especially worried about his behaviour as she knew he’d sent Harry and Severus out on a mission.

“Mr Potter told me something rather interesting tonight.”

“What was it?” she asked, slithering up onto the bed and into his lap.

“He told me about his childhood, if it can be called that. It seems that, like myself, he was raised by muggles and also like myself he was very badly treated by those muggles.”

Nagini hissed angrily. What the hell was wrong with those muggles? Hatchlings were a challenge surely, but they couldn’t have been that hard to look after.

“He also told me that he’d never know what it’s like to be free and that he’d rather be here with me ordering him around than anywhere else, because at least he knows I’m not hiding things from him. Which isn’t technically true, but I’m not hiding anything that is going to be damaging to him,” he said, that far away look once more in his eyes.

Nagini waited for him to go on and when he didn’t she prompted him. “Why has this bothered you so?”

“Because I know how he feels,” Tom replied, looking down at Nagini sadly. “I know what it feels like to have no control over your life, to know that everybody around you hates you and wishes you’d never been born. I know how it feels to be neglected and beaten and now that he’s told me … I can see so many parallels between us and I don’t know how I feel about that.”

“You have things in common, isn’t that a good basis for a relationship?” Nagini asked.

“There isn’t going to be a relationship, Nagini,” Tom replied.

“Why not?”

“Because he will never feel that way towards me,” Tom explained.

“You never expected to feel that way toward him either. Things change, Tom, nothing is ever guaranteed. Maybe if you showed him some kindness his feelings would change too,” Nagini argued.

“I don’t know how to be kind, Nagini,” he protested.

“Rubbish!” Nagini hissed angrily. “You are kind to me and your inner circle. You know perfectly well how to do it.”

“You’re different and you’ve seen for yourself how difficult it has been for me to be kind to my inner circle again. I did something nice for the Malfoys and had a meltdown over it,” he reminded her of the previous evening. “It’s almost as if I have split personalities and when one of them does something nice the other one lashes out. Like the second is demanding balance, commanding something damaging and cruel when something kind has occurred. It is infuriating, but I can’t help but think it’s my mind trying to protect itself, resisting my attempts to be kind and trying to keep my cruelty intact so I don’t … I don’t know … get hurt.”

“I think you’re just scared, Tom,” Nagini argued, expecting the angry growl this elicited.

“I am not scared!” he snarled.

“Yes you are,” Nagini disagreed. “And it’s okay to feel scared about something like this. It’s a big change for you and you shouldn’t expect it to be easy. Why not start small. Be kind to Harry and your friends in little ways for a while and gradually build up to bigger things. Nobody is expecting you to be kind toward everyone, but if you work at it slowly maybe your mind will start to realise that you’re not going to be hurt by anyone and allow you to be nice without demanding bloodshed in return.” Her mind flew back to the previous evening and all the lovely tortures they’d thought up for Moody. She didn’t want him to completely stop doing that, it was fun, but she knew he had the capacity to be nice to others and she wanted him to use it. Particularly if it meant him finding something as amazing as love.

He chuckled out of nowhere drawing her out of her thoughts. “I already have love, my dear, I have you.”

She shook her head at him with an annoyed hiss. She never knew when he was going to read her thoughts, and honestly she still hadn’t worked out how he did it since she couldn’t do it back, but it always seemed to happen when she least wanted him to do it.

“I’m not talking about the kind of love you feel for me. I’m talking about the romantic kind and you know it.”

“Yes you’re right,” he agreed quietly. “I still don’t believe it’s possible, but since it’s important to you I shall try and see where this whole being kind thing takes me.”

“Good,” she replied, satisfied with the outcome of this conversation.

He shook his head and chuckled at her as he got up from the bed and moved over to the wardrobe to retrieve some pyjamas. Soon he was dressed again and curling up in bed with her, his body heat making her feel lovely and content.

They’d get through this as they did everything, together.

X

Sorry this chapter isn't as perfect as I would have liked but I know a lot of you have been dying ofr an update so I wanted to post it anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. I'll see you whenever I get internet access back.
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Carry on my Wayward Son