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Love me or Hate me	By : Drarry-Lisa Category: Harry Potter > Slash - Male/Male > Harry/Draco Views: 1979 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any other characters/things/places created by J.K. Rowling. I make no money from my fan-fiction.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Chapter-8
Regret
I -I-I can't believe that I really tortured him like that. I still remember how the blond did not fight back at all. I remember how he agreed to everything I said. No-one bloody stopped me. They just watched the show as if Malfoy was just a piece of entertainment for them. I want to cut my hands off because after all I had hurt Malfoy with these two hands. He had just wanted to be my friend. He had not wanted anything else. WHY THE BLOODY BUGGERING HELL WAS I SUCH A BASTARD TO HIM?
The reader would thing that I am merely making excuses for what I did. The majority of what happened was my fault but the complete thing was not. I had looked into Malfoy's eyes when he had been leaving and had known there and then that he would never forgive me. I was right.
I had been punished, though, the next day, by professor Snape and some punishment it was.
27th January, 2000
I was at the Weasley residence, planning for my wedding with Ginny which was after a month. Ginny was in France, meeting some friends over there. It was mostly quiet, except for the occasional question from Ron. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were strangely quiet and distant and so were the Weasley siblings.
I wondered why. Of course, I wondered because I had left reading the Daily Prophet.
A sudden pounding on the entrance of The Burrow brought me out of my musings. Mrs. Weasley opened the door and I saw a very furious Severus Snape on the door.
"Severus." Molly addressed in a low voice.
Professor Snape looked at her in a way which silenced whatever she was about to say. Then he looked at me and I staggered back when I saw the look in his eyes. I had never ever seen him so furious before.
"Severus wait. He is a child." It was Arthur who tried to stop professor Snape this time. Professor literally glared at him "Don't interfere. You have no right to."
Arthur tried to open his mouth but Molly's hand on his forearm stopped whatever he was going to say.
"We will leave both of you to your own devices then. Call my name if you need me. I am in the kitchen."
"But Molly-"
"Arthur, let's just leave."
"Mum, why is the slimy git-" Ron had started speaking but a wringing slap on his face stopped his words. Everybody was surprised to see that it was Molly who was looking furiously at Ron. He stood there with a hand on his cheeks.
"I. said. Get. Out." She murmured dangerously and Ron stormed out of the room. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley left the room after that which was subsequently locked by professor Snape.
I just stared at him "What do you think you are doing?"
What I got was a newspaper which was thrown at my chest rather forcefully and I flinched.
"Read it Mr. Potter."
"I hate the Daily Prophet."
"I. said. Read. It." Professor's voice seemed dangerous and I acquiesced, picking up the newspaper. With horrified eyes, I stared at the pictures. There were so many. I had completely destroyed Malfoy. The newspaper was snatched from me and I looked at professor Snape, swallowing a little.
"Do you think Mr. Potter, just because Lily is dead, no one would stop you from becoming a criminal and that no one would stop you from assaulting someone in public?" I pointed my wand towards professor Snape.
"Accio" and the wand flew in professor's grasp. He took both of our wands and placed them on the table.
I gaped incredulously at him as he conjured a wooden stick and looked menacingly at me.
"Do you think that I have protected you from your relatives, from Dumbledore, from the Dark Lord, from everyone so that you turn into a monster?"
He took a step towards me and I backed away.
"You have no right-"
"I do have a right Mr. Potter. When I have been supplying food for you at your relatives for fifteen bloody years so that they do not starve you to death, I get the right to punish you. When I have been the only father you ever knew, I get the right to punish you."
"But you never pun-punished me before." I stammered.
"I have always punished you for your mistakes. You have never committed a crime before." He glared at me and I realized that there was very little distance between us. I tried to back off but he ordered me "I want your right palm out, Mr. Potter."
I shook my head, terrified and received a slap in answer. My cheeks stung from the force of the slap and he slapped me on the other cheek as well.
I glared at him "Stop"
"I won't stop, Harry. I won't let you become a monster."
He slapped me again and again and again and the force behind the slaps increased every time.
"I will not say it again, Harry. Both palms out."
This time I acquiesced and turned my trembling palms out. The stick rose and fell on my right palm and I screamed in pain and the moment I retrieved my abused palm, the stick fell on the other.
"Don't pull them back until I ask you to."
The stick rose again and fell mercilessly on both of my palms until I was a screaming, crying, pleading mess.
By the time, Professor Snape stopped and threw the stick away, I was trembling in pain and crying and begging shamelessly for him to stop beating me.
"Do you understand the reason of this punishment, Mr. Potter?"
I nodded, tears leaking from my eyes and I was very surprised when professor shook his head his strangely pained and haunted eyes.
"No, you don't. Lily would be so ashamed of both of us today. I promised her and failed. You have become a monster, a criminal and I can do nothing about it."
"Professor-" It seemed weird to call him professor when he has always behaved more like a father to me .
"No, I am leaving. I don't want to listen to any of your excuses. Just remember that I am always watching over you. You are not an orphan."
This being said, he left and I was left staring at the door in shock. This was not the first time I had felt that Professor Snape considered me more than just a student but this was the first time I had got an evidence of the same.
That was not the last time I had met Professor Snape. The next time I met him was at my wedding. He had arrived with Mr. Malfoy as I had known he would. There were several questions in his eyes but he stayed quiet, sitting with Mr. Malfoy, staring at me as if I was making the biggest mistake of my life.
I got married to Ginny. She was a good wife. She was loyal, honest and polite to a fault but there was always a distance between us. We could never cross this distance and reach the other even though we had sex almost regularly but sex was not the solution to every problem.
We tried of course. James was born in Jan 2001 and Albus was born in October 2002. After Albus's birth, our quarrels started. It was strange that Malfoy had vanished and I had become obsessed with him again which irritated Ginny to no end. She was frustrated with my obsession over him.
His marriage to Astoria Greengrass and Scorpius's birth and then his subsequent divorce came as a shock. I couldn't comprehend why Malfoy married if he just wanted to get divorced a year after.
On the face of it, he looked healthy and happy but I noticed that his smile never reached his eyes. Maybe I was the only one to notice.
I should have spoken to him and apologized for what I did but I never confronted him. The pictures of his burnt and peeled off lower body were all over the newspapers and they chilled my bones but I didn't question or apologize. No, I dragged my pathetic life on and on, blaming Malfoy for my quarrels with Ginny. I never questioned Ginny about her reasons to marry me when she was obviously not happy with our marriage. No, instead I blamed Malfoy for everything when the man had not even made any appearance after that incident.
I should have talked to him.
I should have apologized and begged for his forgiveness.
NO, INSTEAD I FUCKED EVERYTHING UP ROYALLY. I will never forget those four days as long as I live.
I do not know who is reading this. It may be my own son or perhaps Scorpius Malfoy. I humbly apologize for my crime and I know that no apology can make for what I did but I am helpless. I cannot do anything else.
I did something unforgivable .... something I can never apologize enough for. It was the night of 28th July of 2003 and I was royally drunk because not only was Malfoy a Veela but I was his mate. I had been intimated of this fact by none other than professor Snape. I had also been told that if I do not accept Malfoy till his heat, Malfoy would either die or go insane. He also told me that Malfoy was already mentally unstable. He had not just told me, no, he had made a big show of it and everything that had been kept hidden from him since years was revealed. I was bloody shattered but so was Ginny, but she did not resort to drinking so I cannot use that as an excuse.
I remember the whole conversation vividly. Images were shattered and friendships and facades were broken.
Professor Snape had paid me a visit on 20th July of 2003. I was at the Weasley residence along with Ginny and the children were at twins's place. Professor Snape entered the dining room and this time his entry was so quiet that I barely noticed.
"Mr. Potter" I lifted my eyes from the newspaper and looked at him in surprise.
My SO CALLED BEST friends were sitting across me and Ginny was sitting beside me. We were having breakfast.
"Professor. Hello." I greeted him. I had wanted to apologize ever since that day but he never gave me the opportunity, telling me curtly that he would know when I really would feel sorry.
"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Potter."
"Please call me Ginny, professor. You were and will always be my teacher even if you have left teaching and I have graduated."
Professor Snape looked at Ginny's face for a moment and nodded.
Today, I wonder if Ginny was the only sane person among the four of us.
"I have come today because I am not left with any other option."
Professor Snape did not sit and abruptly turned towards Hermione who was looking straight ahead. Hermione had changed a lot in the past three years. Her haunted eyes and sad face were noticeable and she did not reply even after my repeated questions about what was haunting her. She turned her haunted eyes towards professor and her eyes asked for some kind of justice, justice for what, was completely beyond me.
We froze when we heard professor's voice that was directed towards Hermione "You don't deserve to be a healer, Mrs. Weasley. You do not deserve to have the honour or responsibility of saving people. You are nothing but a wife. You must leave healing and sit at home to be a good little wife that you are."
I stared at him and then waited for Hermione to say anything, something.... anything.... protest in some way. What came was an acceptance "I know, professor. I will resign tomorrow."
Everyone stared at her including Ron who had turned completely white when she asked "He is dying, isn't he?"
Professor's voice was chilling "Yes, if he is not accepted, he will die. His will go into his heat on 28th July and if his mate does not accept him, he will die."
I was stunned to see her eyes welling with tears and she got up after owling a resignation letter in front of us to St. Mungos.
Ron asked her "Where are you going?"
"Away from here, somewhere where you are not there to cloud my decisions." Having said this, she started leaving but Professor locked the door with a curt "No one will leave until I have said what I have come to say."
He turned towards Ron, who was turning pale and spoke very coldly "Tell them everything you both did. Everything"
What followed was a story of betrayal and lies that chilled me to my bones.
Ron turned towards me and Ginny. Ginny was glaring at her brother and her eyes were very cold. I was surprised to see this.
"Harry Ginny, before I tell you everything, I just want to say that I am sorry for what I did. Harry, Ginny had not wanted to marry early. She had wanted to wait and wanted you to figure what you wanted."
I stared at him in shock "But you told me she said that she would die if I didn't marry her."
Beside him, Ginny growled "You bastard."
I saw Ron gulp and continue "I know I said that. You wanted to wait and she wanted to wait but there was something else that you didn't know Harry. Malfoy is a Veela and you are his mate."
The silence that ensued was deafening. Professor Snape stood silently, leaning against the opposite wall.
I had to hold Ginny by her waist to stop her from strangling Ron. He backed off, though Hermione remained stubbornly seated, staring at the ceiling, tears streaming from her eyes.
"I hated Malfoy and I didn't want you to marry him." Again, Ginny started struggling in my arms "You bastard, you sentenced Malfoy to his death and knowingly at that. I told you that I wanted to wait. I told you that I had a feeling that I should wait. And Hermione, you bitch. You didn't say anything."
I was staring at them in shock besides trying to keep Ginny still. She was pregnant with Lily and so much screaming could not be good for the baby.
"I lied that mum and dad hated Malfoy and I lied that Ginny would be disgusted if you spoke to Malfoy and I asked Hermione to stay silent, in the name of our love. I manipulated her to keep you from accepting the bond."
Ginny had stopped struggling now. She was breaking down and I still had not digested everything that I had heard moments ago.
"Both of you turned me into a murderer. You could have stopped it. We could have divorced earlier and Harry would have tried to know Malfoy." Ginny was trembling now, sobbing on her knees. I hugged her close and asked "I don't understand."
"Of course, you don't bloody understand, Harry. That is why you assaulted Malfoy in front of the whole world to see. I wonder what he did after that, how he removed the supposed stains-"
Hermione who had been silent, spoke now, her voice trembling with tears "He burnt his lower body, the part that you had exposed with boiled water, peeled his skin off."
I stared at her in shock, unable to digest everything at once. I had not known that Malfoy had burnt himself off. I had not- I was so bloody stunned.
"Both of you lied to me all along. You turned me into a murderer-"
Ron who had been staring at Professor Snape snapped his eyes at me "No, Harry, it was your own choice to assault him that day. Even I won't have stooped so low. It was your choice and your decision. You could have spoken to Ginny and called the marriage off and spoken to my parents but no you let your insecurities rule you and so you don't get me and Hermione to blame for everything."
I wanted to strangle Ron there and then but Professor Snape's voice stopped me "He heat begins on 28th July and if you don't accept him, he will die. He is already mentally imbalanced, as it is. We got him married and Scorpius's birth helped to stabilize his condition but he is slowly going insane and no one knows what would happen if you are not there for his heat this time."
This time it was Ginny who held his forearms and looked into his eyes. She had been his best friend for the past three years. She understood him and loved him, not as wife, but as a best friend.
"You can't let this happen. You have to be there for him, Harry. I won't become a murderer. I refuse to have any part in destroying something as pure as a Veela bond."
I nodded dumbly, my hands trembling. "I am taking the kids to my grandma's for two weeks then. I want you to take care of him."
I nodded again, averting my eyes away from my so called bloody best friends who had ruined my whole life.
"Well, now that everything is settled, I must leave." Professor Snape said and left subsequently, without sparing me another glance. I knew he didn't expect anything from me.
What followed was the greatest quarrel I had ever had with Ron and Hermione. I forbade them to see any of my kids till they were twelve and able to take their own decisions. Ron protested but Hermione simply nodded and left. Her tears had still not stopped. Her betrayal had hit the worst somehow. I had never expected her to lie so blatantly to me. I left with Ginny and have not seen Ron or Hermione ever since.
Ginny kept her promise and left with the kids for her grandma's. The divorce papers had already been filed and I had turned into a divorced husband at the mere age of 20. I was alone and so I resorted to drinking, knowing that I must have found some kind of profession or hobby to keep me busy like Ginny found quidditch. Instead I started drinking and I was drunk when Draco arrived at my place on 28th July 2003, the most awful, horrible and regrettable day of my life.
Albus stopped reading because it was so unbelievable and overwhelming. The reason of his Hermione's abandonment of Healing and their subsequent separation was clear but he was nowhere near close to what had actually happened to Draco Malfoy at last.
His father's entries ended here and Draco's entry started after this. It seemed to be his last entry, judging from the few pages left.
Eager to know what had happened to Scorpius's father, he read further even though it was past the time he was supposed to sleep.
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